


Unhinged

by MystiePie



Series: Star-crossed Lovers [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aged-Up Character(s), Akechi Goro-centric, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist-centric, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Violence, Bonding, Break Up, Canon-Typical Topics of P5R are all included, Canon-Typical Topics such as, Character Development, Character Study, Dealing With Trauma, Detective Akechi Goro, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Do you know that Meme with, Dubious Morality, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feels, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Graphic Depiction of Violence? More like Graphic Depiction of Emotions, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied and Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing, Long Shot, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, My favorite character broken down and crying, My favorite character competent and badass, Mystery, Obsessive Behavior, Other, POV Akechi Goro, POV Alternating, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Romance is a burn type, Self-Discovery, Self-Reflection, Sexual Content, Smut, Stalking, Swearing, This dude hovering over two buttons, Threats, Throwing up a lot, Touching, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, Whump, and, and revenge, but also being a badass lol, but not all tagged, crude language, like this isn't a slow burn nor a fast burn it's just a burn, most of this fic is Goro breaking down, so many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 325,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MystiePie/pseuds/MystiePie
Summary: Goro Akechi lives for only one thing: to bring his dastardly father down and enact revenge. Other than that, he isn't much interested in anything else. A chance encounter leads him to unwillingly grow closer to his rival, his idiot friends and Goro's newfound crush. While doing his best to detach himself quickly, Goro only spirals down further and further the different worlds of Ren, Akira and his respective friends. But there's a mystery hovering around the twins, and not everything is as it seems...Will Goro be able to resolve the mysteries surrounding him and his own life, as well as figure out the intentions of each and every person flocking around him before his father decides to get rid of him for real? Will he be able to recover from facing his past to being betrayed and finding new meaning in life? And most importantly: will he find love?Alternatively: Goro Akechi learns what it means to live, finds friends, family, the love of his life and himself- and then enacts petty revenge on his father. In that order.
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Akechi Goro's Mother, Akechi Goro & Niijima Sae, Akechi Goro & Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Akechi Goro & Sakura Sojiro, Akechi Goro & Shido Masayoshi, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Star-crossed Lovers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042896
Comments: 250
Kudos: 75





	1. On how the pieces fell in order

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ BFORE PROCEEDING!
> 
> Hello and welcome folks! I appreciate you fighting your way through the tags and remind you again: this fic gets dark, so please mind the tags. Especially the unhealthy relationship, obsessive behaviors, stalking, dubious morality and threat tag. Don't worry, they're figuring things out -but things start out bad. Even if the beginning is inconspicuous enough. 
> 
> Inaccuracies in the fic may be present (especially when it comes to medical stuff...and since I have no idea about law I apologize to all the law students in advance lol) and none of this is an attempt to reflect reality or get out a message or something. Which is why if any of the above topics or topics that appear in P5R trigger you or are a wound spot, please step away from this fic for your own sake ;)  
> Like I said, I wrote this fic for fun (and hell yeah did I have fun) and I didn't really care about how realistic my fic is because...It's a fic. I tried keeping it as realistic as possible though, hence the no power thing lol. That said, the presentation of some of these topics do not present my opinion on how one should handle it; it's just how the fic plays out and how the characters deal with it in a fictional world. Literally for most of the fic, I kept yelling at the characters STOP BEHAVING LIKE THAT lol. PLEASE DON'T PROJECT THIS FIC ONTO REALITY that'd be...bad.:P  
> You may ignore my other ramblings and dive in if you feel like it now!
> 
> Other than that: welcome to another rollercoaster of emotions! This fic started out as a joke because I couldn't stop laughing about the fact that we have Ren Amamiya and Akira Kurusu and they're both the protagonist- so I went: What if they were twins???  
> Which is how this fic derailed and exploded. If you read my shortfic But everytime I take a breath (I remember you) maybe you remember me saying I have a 70k Shuake fic in draft...  
> This is that fic...but with 300k instead of 70k (yeah I've finished it don't ask me HOW).  
> Frankly, I'm not sorry. I had never expected to lose self-control that badly, but this fic was a joy to write. Even though its also an angsty clusterfuck and Goro cries a lot. Oh and a lot of fucked up stuff happens and the characters really tested my patience HAHA. Safe to say I suffered as much as the entire cast together while writing this in various ways.
> 
> I thank everyone for being so supportive and nice of my shortfic, tho, because all that made me find the courage to post this. 
> 
> For now, enjoy the prologue!

Goro stared down the scoreboard showing off the midterm exam results with a sense of triumphance. He spared a short glance at the pouting, mussy haired raven standing next to him, and he couldn’t suppress the sneer coming out of him. “Seems like this time, your “bet” backfired on you. Latin terminology is just not your thing, apparently.”

Said raven threw him a mild glare. Served him right for acting so highty mighty and boasting how well he was faring in class lately. Ironic that it was said subject in which he had fared the worst, gaining him only the second best place in the overall ranking. The raven was still pouting as Goro strode off with pride, flipping his hair back in an act of provocation. He knew it wouldn’t actually provoke his fellow law student- he was a little too soft, or as Goro would say, naïve to take it as an act of offense- but it sure would attract his ragtag group of friends, one of which was approaching them with quick strides. It was the blonde one, the one Goro referred to as “the rowdy”, because- “Look at the prissy way he just threw his hair back! Does he think these stupid exam grades make him a better person or what?! He’s such an ass, Akira! Why do you even-“

Goro merely rolled his eyes as the rowdy went off about him. He stopped caring about what people thought of him a long time ago, as there were equal parts of people that either claimed to love him unconditionally or hated him without having talked to him. Of course, the part that “loved” him was merely the part of people that watched him behind the TV screen, all clad up in his charming Detective Prince persona. Goro was aware of the fact that he didn’t, in fact, knew anyone that ever bothered to get to know the real him- that was, until a certain annoying raven man had stumbled upon his path, stealing away first place in overall rankings during the exams midsummer last year.

Ever since then, some sort of rivalry had been established between famous Detective Prince Goro Akechi and…Akira Kurusu, a rather random individual that had switched to attending Themis College last year. The raven with the wild hair and nerdy thick glasses seemed to be a rather gloomy individual upon first glance, was what Goro thought. He was surprised, therefore, when not only a few months later, Akira had found himself a merry group of friends, and he had become famous on campus for being a rather charming guy who was apparently quickly rivaling Goro when it came to love confessions by both genders, as well as his grades.

Not that it ever mattered to Goro. Goro’s first and foremost goal was to stay atop of his law classes, so that Shido- his bastard man of a father- wouldn’t have room to complain, and neither the public. As the so called “Detective Prince” he had been working alongside the law and the police for years since high school, solving crimes that alternated between insignificant and impossible to solve. Because of his young age and his looks, he was soon spotted by the media and had to participate in dumb television appearances in where he was supposed to explain cases to the general public, or the legal system, or participate in entertaining television shows and answer private questions to upkeep the position of a “media darling”. It was here that he earned the title of “Detective Prince” and also gained an annoying, ever increasing fan base at a young age- as well as jealousy of older colleagues who couldn’t accept that Goro was loved by the public and more inept at solving crimes than them.

Well. Not that he cared about being liked by the public- it was rather annoying to upkeep the charming smiles and the neat and proper behavior when all he wanted was to tell the media to “piss off”, if he had to make use of the rowdy’s choice of words. It wasn’t like anyone saw him for who he really was- or that anyone was interested in doing so.

Then why put in so much effort in all of this? Well, the answer was both difficult as well as easy to find.

Goro had had a rather sad childhood. At a young age, he had been abandoned by his mother- whom he barely could remember- and grown up in the worst foster system ever, being passed around at a young age from family to family- until he had been thrown out for good, going dumpster diving to provide himself food - and oh wonder, a certain politician named “Masayoshi Shido” appeared in front of him, declaring him his long lost son with tears in his eyes, accompanied by reporters and cameras.

After that, Goro’s life took a turn for the worse. He now had a roof above his head as well as a certain providence of food- usually instant food, take-out and the like-, but Shido was not the man he posed as in front of the cameras. As soon as the reporters disappeared, he turned from the caring father to a brutal abuser. If Goro didn’t deliver the grades he expected, or acted the way he wanted, he was a victim of abuse and brutally beat up, starved, locked behind doors. If Goro tried to present the public his wounds, he was declared mentally unstable and Shido was giving his best to help him through “his phase” with the best help possible. Goro wasn’t dumb, and soon realized that despite his occasional rebellion, life had been easier if he followed Shido’s instructions. Shido needed something to push his public image- he was striving to become governor, if not president of the country- and a long lost son was perfect to polish said image of the otherwise single man.

However, no way in hell would Goro sit by and be used by the bastard like this. A test did prove their biological relation, and sadly Goro had to admit that the fury in his veins was undoubtly the same blood as his father’s. There were thousands of questions that Shido left unanswered- what had happened to his mother, why he only came when Goro was around fourteen and not earlier, why had Goro been abandoned in the first place- and Goro decided to search these answers by all means necessary. He wasn’t going to be used as a puppet his whole life, but it would take a lot of work to ruin Shido’s life the way he had destroyed Goro’s- so Goro threw himself into working in the legal system, but from a position different from Shido. He planned to find some sort of opening he could use to expose Shido of his crimes and throw him into prison, but it would be a long and hard road, especially because Shido’s influence on police and the law grew over time, easily covering up any misshappenings, incidents, corruption and the like.

When Goro was old enough, he was allowed to move out so long as he kept up the media appearances, nurturing Shido’s image, as well as heeding to every Shido’s requests- or else, the underlying threat was made to squash Goro’s life under his heels. Of course, Shido didn’t support him financially as soon as Goro grew of legal age.

All in all, Goro was on a path of revenge, blood and fury, fueled by hatred and disgust towards a world fully incapable of rescuing innocent victims. The college he chose was renowned enough to be suitable for him, and if he graduated in his law classes well, he’d definitely find a suitable position to take down Shido once and for all. There was no space for friends in Goro’s life- the only person he’d call an acquaintance of some sort would be his work colleague Sae Nijima, who was at least twice his age. She often invited him to eat out with him whenever their schedules lined up, and seemed to be genuinely interested in hearing his opinion on topics, not the fabricated lies he had to spew out for the media. However, Goro also knew the side of her that was stressed out and needed a break- she was very close to what you’d call a hyena then, so Goro wasn’t sure how to handle her.

And then, as already mentioned, was Akira Kurusu. He had switched colleges during his first year of law, for reasons unknown to Goro. Ever since then, he had not only made it a matter to compete in some sort of rivalry with Goro when it came to grades, but also tried to…approach Goro otherwise. If he was truly trying to befriend Goro or not, the chestnut haired man wasn’t sure, but he kept him at a polite distance for as well as he could, but sometimes, like today, he couldn’t quite keep his true, sarcastic self under the covers- he was just full of glee to have actually won back first place from said raven. He also didn’t understand what Kurusu would possibly want from him- the disdain his ragtag group of friends had for Goro was very much clear. The rowdy trashed Goro whenever he could, though Goro suspected he was just jealous of the amount of female attention Goro held. Besides, Goro held disdain towards Akira as well- he just couldn’t believe his cheery attitude and popularity was all that real, and suspected he was just as fake as Goro was.

The difference was that Akira still had a close group of friends he seemed to frequent with, while Goro was all on his own.

Well. Akira Kurusu would probably remain a mystery to Goro as long as he was attending said college, probably.

Or maybe not. Goro had no idea, after all, what was coming to him.

***

Goro let out a loud groan as he massaged his temples. Sae, who was working a few desks away, threw him a sympathetic glance before turning her attention back to her own screen. “Tough case?” she asked. “Ah, that? No, not necessarily… Just, you know. College stuff.” Goro let out a nervous laugh, unsure whether his behavior had been appropriate enough for his workplace.

“Is it your ever clingy popularity with the ladies?”

Goro let out a sigh. There was no point in keeping that truth covered, after all. “Yes, you are quite correct. I have been receiving a lot of love confessions as of late, and frankly, I do appreciate the attention, but-“ _do not,_ Goro’s inner voice added, “it…gets exhausting, explaining my reasons to strangers all over again. It grates on my nerves, to be quite frank.”

 _It also doesn’t help that I have been losing sleep on trying to catch up in both work and college classes_ , _or rather, haven’t properly slept in five days, really, having to accommodate Shido’s stupid wishes._

“Aww, our little Akechi is suffering under popularity.” Goro felt a vein of his popping upon hearing the tone Sae used.

_It’s not like I’m asking for this shit._

“If you feel so troubled, why not just make up a secret girlfriend or something? Maybe it would help fend off some of the more clingy people.” “No, I tried that once, and uh…Remember, suddenly the media was on my feet day and night, speculating whether the cashier behind the supermarket I was shopping at was said secret girlfriend. I had less comfortable nights than when I was supposedly single.”

“Well, that certainly is a problem”, Sae laughed. “By the way, I do know something that might help grate your nerves. I have stumbled upon a rather hidden café with very nice coffee and delicious homemade curry. Maybe that will help you get your mind off of things. If you want to, I can give you the address- I’d love to go with you, but you know how work gets. It’d be a shame to wait for an opportunity where we’re both free, and I bet your poor nerves would like some distraction before that.” “You are quite right, Miss Nijima.”

Sae gave him the address to the café, hidden in a part of Yongen-Jaya, and Goro decided today was a good day as any to try said café out. He was rather happy that the trains to Yongen-Jaya were bustling with people, as it meant less recognition and less people bothering him, granting him the anonymity of the crowd.

Sae rarely recommended Goro places, as the ones Goro visited frequently were found out by the media and then swamped with his fans, making it impossible for Goro to enjoy whatever he had consumed from said place. The good thing about Yongen-Jaya was that it was rather a residential district, populated by a wide margin of older people, and not the teenaged-crazed fangirls Goro had to keep an eye on. It also wasn’t heavily populated, and there were a lot of small alleys to get lost into if you weren’t familiar with the area. Goro was grateful for the detailed description Sae had scribbled down for him, so he found himself in front of the café rather soon, the sun just setting and bathing the area in a golden light.

Goro entered the rather inconspicuous looking café, and a chime above his head declared his entry. The café was empty, to Goro’s surprise, but then again, it was a Tuesday evening, and not really the most popular time to go outside and take a stroll. Goro had packed his work stuff and decided to work on the rest of his paperwork in here if possible. He observed the establishment, and it was as simple as it had looked like from the outside: on the left side were booths to be seated upon, although thanks to the rather small size of the café, there were only three. On the right side was the long counter with bar stools, and behind it the kitchen with a rather impressive wall lined with what Goro assumed to be bags of coffee beans. The kitchen seemed rather old as well, and the café was colored in brown and earthly shades, creating a rather cozy atmosphere. Goro also noted the stairs next to what he assumed to be the bathroom, leading up to the attic of the café.

There was a mop of hair visible behind the counter, a messy, curly black, which Goro assumed to be the barista. He must be searching something on the ground, definitely kneeling.

“Good evening”, the detective greeted, even though the door chime had made it clear someone had entered anyway, and he made his way to one of the booths, surprised at how comfortable the old leather was. He had heard something muffled in response to his greeting, and began spreading out his files and leftover college work. He made sure not to be too absorbed, as he heard a melodious, deep voice asking: “Your order?”

“I heard the coffee here is great, and frankly, I would need something to soothe my nerves if possible. I might order some curry as well later on, if possible, because this…might take up some time, and I do not live close by. Is that alright?”

He only heard a soft hum in response, not bothering to look up from his work- he was not interested in any sort of conversation right now- and delved in deeper into law enforcements and criminal activities.

He heard the clings of cups and the soft buzz of the coffee machine, grinding the beans to powder, and he was pleased about the fact that the barista seemed to pick up on his “do not engage with me” mood. A short while later, a cup was placed next to where Goro was buried in text work, elegant long fingers setting down the hot cup safely away from his documents. He only caught a glimpse of long legs in a loose jeans, covered partly of what had to be a green work apron, before the barista turned around and went about his business again.

Whatever he had to do in this empty place.

The aroma of the coffee wafted into Goro’s nose, and he was instantly tempted to take a sip. He took the cup of coffee into his hands and was amused by the coffee art that had been skillfully created. When Goro was sure it was safe enough to take a sip, his mouth was enveloped by a nutty, creamy flavor with fruity undertones, soothing his grated nerves instantly. He couldn’t suppress the pleased hum escaping his mouth, and hoped he hadn’t been overheard. Goro did think compliments were due, though, and he was looking forward to the taste of the curry if the coffee was already this well prepared.

He spared a glance towards the counter, where the mysterious barista had turned his back to Goro, cleaning and sorting through various stuff. “This coffee…is one of the best I have had in a long time, I must admit. I am rather impressed. I hadn’t expected to be this pleasantly surprised.”

Goro overheard an amused chuckle. “Does the café seem that run down to you? I am rather appalled, really.” Though the content of the reply had not been all that pleasant, Goro had to suppress a small shiver at the rather seductive tone of voice.

“No, no!” Goro was quick to diffuse the misunderstanding. “I was just…I didn’t expect to have something so good after a rather, well, exhausting day. It was just what I needed.”

There was a short pause, and Goro saw the barista raise a hand towards his face, placing it under his chin in a contemplative manner. “Colombian Narino”, he said finally, and Goro wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

“The type of coffee bean, I mean. It isn’t as spicy or as acid as other coffee beans, so I thought it might be a better type of choice for someone who seems rather run down. It’s still powerful enough to give you a concentration boost, so you can focus easily.”

“I am impressed. I didn’t think the little exchange we had at the beginning would lead to this outcome, really. Maybe you should pursue a career in law, your deduction skills seem rather impressive.”

A loud bark, followed by a sneer echoed in the silent café, almost startling Goro. “Yeah, sure”, the barista answered, before ducking down behind the counter again and disappearing from Goro’s field of view.

Though the conversation had been cut short rather awkwardly, and Goro didn’t really understand why- _had he said something insulting?_ – the brunet went back to the load of work waiting for him.

He hadn’t even noticed he had already emptied the coffee minutes later, the flavor boosting him up. However, a certain barista took note of it, and his empty cup was quickly replaced by another one, without Goro’s notice.

Goro did wonder how the coffee cup seemed so much fuller than before, but he was too absorbed to really acknowledge the attentiveness of the worker.

He also didn’t notice the last rays of the sun disappearing, making way for a rather dark, dusty dawn, and soft lamps lighted up as he went about another passage of rules and guidelines.

A steaming plate of curry was placed in front of Goro as he massaged his temples in an effort to concentrate anew, and though the presentation of the dish itself wasn’t very impressive- Goro knew how food from high banquets looked like, and this, in comparison, paled- the flavor once again impressed Goro. His senses were instantly rejuvenated as a soft spiciness, alongside a rich flavor invaded Goro’s mouth. “Is this…yogurt, mixed with the curry?”

“Correct”, the barista answered.

It was odd, really, how much Goro loathed to engage in conversations normally, and how easily the words seemed to flow out of him in this cozy, old café with its charming barista- or how Goro wished to uphold a conversation, not even having glimpsed the face of his waiter.

“It balances the spice level, and adds depth to the flavors by enhancing the acidity and the richness of the curry, even though yogurt seem much too a plain ingredient by itself, don’t you think?”

Goro thought a lot of things, but one of the main things was that no way in hell was he going to let the media storm and ruin this place from him.

“Fascinating”, Goro answered, instead, and took another bite. “The presentation of the dish was rather unimpressive, really, but…the flavor is…very good.” Goro had to suppress a groan of satisfaction as he took bite after bite, not used to something that tasted dangerously close to…homemade meals. Meals prepared with love, not mass produced. Something that didn’t seem to be extremely unhealthy even though he was dining outside, but more like as if someone had prepared this specifically for him in a cozy home.

A warm, tingly feeling Goro hadn’t realized he had been missing out in life enveloped him as he finished his meal.

“I am beginning to think you can’t pay a compliment without insulting whatever I serve you in the same sentence”, he heard the amused barista laugh.

“That wasn’t-“ “I know, I know, you didn’t mean it like that. It’s okay.”

Goro didn’t dare raise up his eyes as the barista came to clean up the dish, but he did catch a whiff of aftershave, and stubbles grazing the barista’s chin, evidence of a former shave. There was an amused smile upon the barista’s face, which was partly hidden by his unruly mop of black hair- mass, really- and Goro was slightly disappointed he didn’t have the courage to reach out and- oh no. No, no. That would certainly not suit his Detective Prince image.

Speaking of, the barista hadn’t once chatted Goro up about who he was- wasn’t he famous enough to make even the smartest employers curious and chatty?

It was the first time Goro felt something akin to disappointment of not being recognized or bothered. But then again, hadn’t he himself insisted he was tired and didn’t wish to be exerted?

Goro’s heart seemed to be a fickle thing.

He bit his lip, wondering if he truly wished to gain the barista’s attention, as the charming employee opened his mouth again: “We’re supposed to be closing soon, to be honest. Time flies, doesn’t it?”

Goro tried to hide his disappointment, but he wasn’t quite successful. “Oh, that’s…I will come pay immediately, let me just-“ “No, no, sorry, I wasn’t trying to throw you out of your concentration or something. It’s just that, you said you don’t live close by, right? The trains here stop running frequently after a while, and if you want to get the fastest connection back home before being stuck here for another hour or something, you should get going- not that I’d mind the presence of a pretty face like yours.”

The brunet’s face flushed a bright red as he packed up his documents and notes, noticing, however, that he wasn’t…unhappy from the attention. The employee was certainly attentive and interesting enough for Goro not to swat off his…attempt of a flirt immediately.

“Ah, shit”, he heard the barista click his tongue, “Sorry. Boss would kill me if he knew I was flirting with a first time costumer.”

“So…you make it a habit to flirt with your regulars?”

The barista winced at the sharpness of Goro’s tone, and Goro hastily added: “I guess that means I have to come by again?”

There was an amused undertone hidden in the reply of the barista: “I’d make an exception for once.” “Really, now?”

Goro couldn’t suppress the playful smirk appearing on his lips, and he wondered, again, how easily the barista had coaxed him out of his many TV masks and…get to flirting back?

Goro _was_ flirting, wasn’t he?

“Yeah. But, you know- you’d be the first one I’d make the exception for. Guess you’re a…special case.”

Goro snorted, standing up from his booth and turning around to give back a witty reply. “I bet you say that to all your flirts-“ he rose his gaze to finally, _finally,_ gaze upon the mysterious boy he had _honestly_ been flirting with-

Suddenly, all the air in Goro’s lungs was knocked out- not because he was pleasantly surprised, no, but because – this was- what on earth-

Standing nonchalantly at the counter, wiping down freshly cleaned plates and cups, was Akira Kurusu- or rather, Akira Kurusu’s exact double. The slant of his onyx eyes, his unruly, messy raven hair, heck, even the curve of his smile and the type of nose was the same as he glanced curiously at Goro- the only thing missing from his usual look were his glasses.

And, if Goro hadn’t been overtired and mad, he also would have noticed that this guy was slightly broader, slightly more muscular than the Akira Kurusu at his college.

Instead, there was only one question in Goro’s mind as he blocked out everything else.

Was this some elaborate joke?

Goro went back on their exchange, and the more he thought about it, the less it made sense that the person in front of him _wasn’t_ Akira pranking him. Heck, it’d explain why he’d reacted so weirdly when Goro offered to go into something law related- and it’d explain why Goro was so talkative and sure, maybe it wasn’t Akira but some sort of double, but- _no, no,_ Goro’s caffeinated but overtired brain told him, this _had_ to be Akira, and Goro bet this was some sort of revenge upon him-

The barista, meanwhile, oblivious to Goro’s inner turmoil, quickly noticed the weird mood change that had happened upon their gazes interlocking as the charming, honey- hair colored man had suddenly lost his smile. He prodded, carefully: “Uh, is…something off?” Was he that far off what the guy deemed attractive as? “Sorry, am I too ugly for your tastes?”

Goro lost it. The last question seemed to fit into the image of Akira taunting him too much- even though it was actually supposed to loosen the atmosphere.

It was unfair, really, how the first time someone flirted with Goro that he actually deemed interesting- seemed to be some elaborate joke. “Tsk, had your fun, you imbecile? I didn’t know the loss of your top rank would drive you to prank on me like this. Are you recording this? How did you even get Sae to recommend me this café in the first place? Did you wait here all day just to get a good laugh?! Are your shitty, dumb friends gonna pop up anytime now and have a good laugh on my account, like always?”

The raven’s shy grin had lost its slant more and more as Goro talked himself in rage, and he was now gazing unhappily at Goro, as if _Goro_ was the problem, as if Goro had wished for this happen, to walk into this stupid café and be pranked at when in the first time of his life he thought he was actually capable of conversing with humans- no, Goro wouldn’t listen to this bullshit, no way.

“Stick your shitty pride somewhere else, you cretin! I have better things to do than hear your mope about losing your fucking position and, and- argh!”

Goro stormed off, not being able to hold out that judging, unhappy gaze any longer, the one that pressed him, that asked why he wasn’t good enough, why he had to compete with some commoner, why he wasn’t always at the top- and it wasn’t until he had angrily stormed inside of one of the trains that he had realized what he had done.

Had he just exploded his anger and hatred at some random guy that happened to look exactly the same as his ever annoying rival? That had been genuinely nice and flirted with him? That had refilled his coffee and tried not to invade his privacy and tried to be accommodating as Goro was studying up-

Fuck.

Fuck, really, fuck.

What was worse, Goro wondered as he finally arrived home, beat up and tired and embarrassed to his bones- that he had been unbelievably rude to a random stranger, or the fact that _he had stormed out of the café without paying for anything._

Great. The one time something nice happened to Goro, he just had to go and ruin it. Of course.

With a groan Goro buried in his cushion, he wondered how to go on about this. Surely, Akira’s double had to think Goro was some sort of maniac, running out and bailing on food and coffee. Fuck, Goro really had to fix this. Unless it had been a prank- and Goro was surprised at how much he prayed that this truly had been a set-up of some sort.

Oh fuck, what if Shido got wind of this?

Silent yells were heard into the night as Goro mulled over every single possibility and outcome of today’s happenings, while reaching the same conclusion he had come to even hours ago: he had screwed up.

***

He had to at least pay for the food and the coffee if nothing else. That was a decision Goro had come to by himself as he headed into his first lesson of the morning, unable to concentrate on whatever the hell the professor was explaining.

A few of Goro’s lessons passed like this, and Goro was aware of the fact that it couldn’t go on like this. He had to at least completely cross out the possibility that Akira had set him up.

During lunch break, as he dodged any and all fangirls trying to cling onto him, he went out to search Akira’s usual hangout spot- bingo.

Sadly, but also to be expected, he wasn’t alone: he was munching happily on his lunch while the rowdy was telling him some grand story, and the model friend- the other, female blonde who hung out with the troupe- kept shaking her head and rolling her eyes while Akira merely offered a shy smile between bites. _Of course, ever the understanding and patient man._

Goro felt his blood boiling upon witnessing the scene. But he also felt a weird, fuzzy warm feeling flooding his veins- one he had never, ever felt from Akira before. He must have been unconsciously remembering the kind smile of the barista from yesterday. It irked Goro, not to be able to fully control his feelings.

His presence was soon noticed by Akira’s female friend, a frown crossing her face as she elbowed the rowdy in an attempt to silence him. “Ryuji, shut up for a moment. Look who’s coming.”

Upon hearing that, both boys turned their gazes towards Goro- who felt extremely uncomfortable from the unwanted attention. The rowdy seemed ready to pounce on him, while Akira- sweet, naïve Akira- wore the face of a confused puppy as he regarded Goro with curiosity.

“Akechi?” he blinked, unsure whether he was seeing things or not- after all, Goro _never_ searched out their company.

In fact, he kept as much distance as possible.

Goro cleared his throat. “Indeed, last time I checked, that was my name. Why?”

The rowdy scoffed. “What the fuck, man? Spit out what you want, you’re kinda ruining our lunch break right now, and I’m not looking forward to the rest of my lessons for the day.” “Ryuji! Just because we don’t like him doesn’t mean you can be mean towards him!” The model friend chastised him.

Urgh. _Great._

Goro felt a headache incoming. How could he ever think these people would be able to prank on him when they weren’t even capable of sharing a few brain cells with each other?

It would remain a mystery to Goro.

“Actually, it is a rather…private matter, Kurusu. If you wouldn’t mind, could we talk alone?” Goro threw in his best TV smile, the one that got all the girls swooning over him- but he should have known better than to think something like that would work on Akira.

The puppy guy tilted his head slightly before replying, pensive: “I don’t think I remember anything that would require privacy between us, Akechi. Whatever you wanna tell me, you should tell me in front of my friends. They’d eavesdrop, anyway, or I’d tell them later on. What’s up?”

Despite the lack of hostility in Akira’s tone, Goro felt irked at being turned down like that. Now he had to go make himself a clown in front of…these _idiots._ Luckily he hadn’t caught the whole gang all at once. Besides, it was his own fault that had ridden him into this situation.

He took a deep breath, unsure of how to continue.

There was a slim possibility the charming guy from yesterday _could_ have been Akira, even though that chance was also very impossible.

“Yesterday”, Goro began, receiving different reactions upon beginning to talk- a dirty glare from Ryuji, a mistrusting look from the model friend- Ann?- and a curious look from Akira.

Gosh, this was humiliating. “Yesterday”, Goro begun again, “I, uh…I forgot to pay for the coffee. And the curry.” He cleared his throat as he scrutinized the reactions from the confused troupe.

Ann seemed more confused than amused, while Ryuji was stuck between laughing and utter confusion. Akira, however, had his hands folded patiently in his lap, quirking up an eyebrow: “Uh, okay?”

Goro clicked his tongue. This was either a dead end, or Akira was deliberately playing dumb.

_Only one way to find out._

If Goro was humiliating himself, he might as well go all the way.

“I- he looked like you.” Goro’s cheeks were hot, shit, was he _blushing_? “The barista, I mean.”

Well, so much for his capable and smooth TV persona. He sure as hell wasn’t living down _this_ confrontation for a lifetime.

However, as Akira’s friends seemed even more confused and put off than before, something akin to realization lit up on Akira’s face, and a disarming smile appeared on his face. “He looked like me? A barista?”

“Yes”, Goro muttered out, burning from shame and humiliation, not knowing what kept him talking, “but his voice, it was…” _Alluring. Tempting. Seducing._ “It…didn’t sound like you.” The words were stuck like bile in his throat, hoping to get out, and yet refusing to give way.

“What the fuck, bro? The hell you’re getting at? If you’re lonely and want to join us for lunch, you don’t need to make up lies or – give off this bullshit”, Ryuji yelled out, earning him a smack from Ann.

Akira, meanwhile, was glowing. “Wait, hold up!”

He jumped down from the ping-pong table the group had been enjoying their lunch on as Goro turned around, muttering some sort of excuse to quickly, quickly get away from here. Goro hadn’t expected any sort of reaction, really, and he was about to say something along the lines that that certainly hadn’t intended to eat with them- but suddenly his wrist was grabbed and he was inelegantly pulled away into a secluded corner.

Baffled- and it seemed like Akira’s friends were just as surprised- he didn’t even put up a fight as Akira made sure no one seemed to be in close vicinity to overhear them.

The bright, cheery gaze from before- _ew, really_ \- turned back to confront him in full gaze and Goro couldn’t help but remember the flirty lines the barista had dropped yesterday- or rather, one specific one.

_‘Wouldn’t mind a pretty face like yours’._

Well, after yesterday’s performance, Goro was pretty sure he _would_ mind.

The barista and Akira really did look alike- if you ignored the fact that Akira was way too bright and over-energized, while the barista had given off a more…sophisticated, mature atmosphere. And the glasses.

Seriously, what was Goro even hoping to achieve here? It was clear as a day that Akira hadn’t set him up, and nothing would-

“You met him, didn’t you? In Yongen-Jaya? He was probably waaaay smoother than me, so if you thought I was him, you were probably extremely confused. Did he take you out for a date? Hold on, I don’t even know if he swings that way- wait, did he pick you up and you went on a date with a guy whose face looked like mine?!”

Akira was shocked, as if he _hadn’t_ realized Goro didn’t find him ugly, specifically- he just hated his guts and…well, everything.

Wait, how did Akira even guess Goro was gay? Goro had always made sure to seem perfectly straight to the public, because no way in hell would Shido accept a gay son- much less anything that wasn’t straight. Goro tried to hide the panic flaming up in his gut.

There was a lot to unpack here- too much, Goro decided, as those doe like eyes destroyed any resemblance Goro found between the barista and this…twerp. However, Goro’s heart had thundered in hope when Akira had dropped the first line of- _you met him, didn’t you?_

“Did- is he- you know each other, it seems?“ “Oh, yeah, I should have mentioned that before, sorry- I’m just so excited whenever I hear about him! I’m pretty sure you met my twin, Ren. He jobs at Café Leblanc in Yongen-Jaya, and it took me a bit to get what you meant when you talked about food and stuff- but I’m really sure it must have been him! Man, I miss him. I wonder how much we really resemble each other by now? I mean, if he was able to fool you with his appearance, we must still look really similar- not like he could change his appearance too much, but you know, I thought he’d go and dye his hair and add a few piercings or something. It just- seems like him a lot.”

_Twin brother._

Of course.

Well, the chance hadn’t been that big- just as it hadn’t been impossible. Goro had contemplated the possibility, but there were still a million questions left unsaid. If they were twins, surely Akira had already heard all about Goro’s shameful behavior, and Akira and his friends had had a good laugh about him? Because how would Akira’s twin brother _not_ know about Akira’s biggest rival, especially when Goro wasn’t shy to camera presence and you could whip out a picture anywhere? And even if they didn’t live together, they would surely be in some sort of contact? Maybe one of them had set up the other- no, no, stupid Goro. This was the wrong line of thought to pursue.

Besides…Akira had rambled on about something that piqued Goro’s interest.

“Indeed”, he confirmed, “I did drop by Café Leblanc yesterday, and I was fairly surprised to see you- I mean, your…brother there. You don’t keep in contact?”

Akira bit his lip, and something like guilt shadowed his face, dimming that bright gaze of his.

_Interesting._

He even averted his eyes as he shyly nodded in reply. “Yeah…Let’s just say, uh, we…It’s complicated. We don’t keep in touch. At all.” A nervous chuckle escaped Akira’s lips.

_Odd._

With Akira’s bright nature, wouldn’t it be a given he was close to his twin brother? Especially considering how close Akira acted around his friends. Something was fishy here, but Goro wasn’t sure if it was a trap or not.

“I’m sure you were shocked when you saw him”, Akira continued, “and…I’m really sorry, but I really don’t think I can give him the money for the food or something. You’d best go there on your own again. Just tell him it was my fault you thought this was all some joke or something- he’s pretty forgiving, that guy. Seriously, put up any story and it’s going to be fine.”

This conversation had taken a pretty interesting turn. However, Goro had to cover up one more story before he tore himself away from this guy, fed up with too many emotions clouding his mind.

“What I tell him or not isn’t any of your business.”

Akira flinched at that. “I didn’t mean it like that- I just thought, if it was my fault-“

“This doesn’t concern you in the slightest, Kurusu. Besides, I am a little appalled you said something along the lines that he or I would have been flirting with the other. I am pretty sure I don’t give off- _gay vibes_ ”, Goro scoffed out the words, putting in as much disdain as he could.

Oh, he was gay alright, but it wasn’t in his interest to have anyone know.

“So no, I did not get picked up by him, nor do I feel interested in your- appearance. Honestly, Kurusu, the things you say sometimes. You should hear yourself.”

Akira, however, wasn’t backing off so easily. “Oh, sorry. Guess I really did misunderstood, then. Well, you may still mention me when you go back there-“ he threw a glance towards Goro, and Goro couldn’t interpret it as anything else than a smug, confident gaze that perceived all his lies. “- like I said, I doubt he’s going to resent you for anything, really. Sorry about all this, anyway. Well, I gotta go before Ann and Ryuji throw a fit, so- see you!”

With that, Akira took off, not even letting Goro so much as a chance to reply something. How could he be so sure that Goro would return to Leblanc?

 _We don’t keep in touch at all_ ; Akira had said.

If so, Goro could return without any chance of his behavior leaking out to public- unless the barista- _Ren,_ Goro reminded himself, unless Ren had immediately gone off to some crazed reporter and told him all about Goro’s maniac behavior.

Goro felt a migraine incoming. Urgh. Best to go and drown his thoughts in a good drink during the night, he decided, before he’d inevitably go back thinking about the sultry voice of – Ren.

Goro gulped. Hm.

Seems like he was suffering under a bad instant crush.

And he had no idea how to get rid of it.

Oh boy, if only he knew what kind of ride he was in for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy. I have never tried writing a multi-chaptered fic so I hope I can get the pacing right and manage to segment the fic nicely.  
> ALSO MY BROWSER CRASHED LIKE 10 TIMES AND I HAD TO RETAG AND RE INSERT THE TEXT SO MANY TIMES I NEARLY WENT INSANE lmao. It also kept fucking with my formatting but I think I got it now?  
> Also about Goro. My son. My precious son. Why do you always go ballistic without thinking (I mean we all stan but it would save you some embarassment lmao). Ren's reaction after Goro stormed out was literally like 'Ok wtf gotta...gotta pretend that never happened I guess. Shame tho he was cute.'  
>   
> If you liked the prologue and are excited for more, please leave kudos or a comment! It will also keep me from deleting my entire account and keep posting new chapters in general bcs I'm an insecure bean about my writings lmao. Comments are amazing and I like to reply, tho! But please be nice, I'm so nervous about this fic in general hahahahaha.  
> So really- I honestly appreciate every single shred of support out there!  
> Stay safe and have a nice day!


	2. Ah; the stage's been set, let the gears go off do their work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the note for additional warnings!
> 
> I forgot how fast-paced the story was at the beginning...Because I thought this was going to be over quick (biggest lie ever lol).  
> Anyway, we're visiting Crossroads in this chapter, so there's drinking involved...but not everything is as it seems ;). Goro is also super confused about Lala and doesn't know how to handle her at first, which is why he's generally confused how to address her, so he might seem insensitive, rude and mean.
> 
> Dubious kissing is involved.
> 
> Goro also uses homophobic slurs later in the chapter. 
> 
> I added the tag now as well, because I just realized it might be another sensitive topic- the topic of homophobia in general is not a part of the story, except with the few exceptions of Shido's view and Goro's initial dumb behavior. I didn't want more drama in the story, there's enough already, so rest assured that things are generally kept on the downlow when it comes to homophobia etc. :P
> 
> So much for the warnings. 
> 
> Onto the next scene!

Goro had prepared an excuse in case his attempt of communication with a bunch of losers would spread news. He was suffering under a fever and had neglected his health or something.

To his surprise, no one seemed to have picked up on his behavior and the day went by blissfully quiet. When he met Akira in another law lesson, the latter merely gave him a shy nod in acknowledgement and went about his work, as if they hadn’t ever talked during lunch.

It was odd, but very nice, actually. Goro appreciated the way Akira seemed to have essentially made his friends shut up about their encounter.

He had hoped to actually show up at Leblanc today, but he was swamped with a new case as soon as he entered the precinct and suppressed a frustrated groan. His superiors would get jealous from time about his constant victories- rigged, they’d claim- and on good days, they’d merely swamp him with a lot of work. On bad days?

Goro didn’t really want to recall those times.

Today was one of the ‘good’ days, for better or for worse.

Goro worked himself to the bone, hoping to get in a little bit of free time during the evening, hoping to drop by Leblanc and clear up the misunderstanding. Carefully, he had dodged Sae’s question whether he had dropped by yet or not- _work_ wouldn’t let him, you see.

He was glad when he fell into his bed, exhausted and tired of everything that had gone down, and a heavy sleep overtook his body, rendering him unable to do anything than close his eyes and succumb to darkness.

The rest of the week wasn’t much better. Exams had just been over, but that merely meant more were coming up.

The case Goro was assigned to wasn’t much easier to solve, and to top it off, his superior loaded off more work on him as he had the feeling Goro ‘was taking it easy’. Honestly, fuck that, was what Goro would have loved to say - but of course he just smiled a troubled smile and acquiesced.

 _Just you wait, you shitty adults, one day, I’m gonna get my revenge upon you_.

Generally, it had been too quiet when it came to Shido. He had been busy as of late with preparations for elections and, well, taking a vacation, so he hadn’t checked up on Goro these days. One particular night- Goro hadn’t slept in three days, _again_ \- he received a phone call from the accursed man. He recognized the unknown number on the display of his old flip phone- he couldn’t really afford much else, and it did the job just fine- even without having ever saved the contact into his phone.

“Yes, good evening.”

“Akechi.”

“Father.”

There was an icy pause where neither of them said a word.

“Heard you scored well. Keep up the work for me as well, will ya? It will make a bad image on me if you slack off at work and only score well in exams.”

Goro’s grip on the phone tightened.

_Bastard, as if you had any idea why I’m working my butt off._

“Of course, father.”

“I told you to stop calling me that when we’re on the phone. Only in front of the public are you supposed to address me like that.”

Goro bit his lip to suppress the scream trying to wiggle its way out of his throat- _it’s not like I refer to you like that because I want to, you piece of shit_.

“My apologies.”

He heard Shido sneer. “Sure, you dumb puppet. Anyway, this was a reminder not to slack off, you hear me? Or else I will use my ways to evict you out of your apartment and college- but it’s not like you don’t know that. Oh yeah, I signed you up for an entertainment show the next month- a script will arrive sometime soon, and you better learn to play your part properly, ‘Detective Prince’.”

Goro was fuming when Shido hung up, not bothering to wait for a reply or bid goodbye, and he threw the phone halfway across his rather meager furnished apartment. Another plus for the flip phone- it didn’t break as easily as the smartphones, and the amount of throwing Goro practiced with it was insane.

That bastard, calling to rile Goro up- and knowing it would work, because when didn’t it? Goro might have some sort of income to take care of his direst needs, but Shido had a lot of power overall, making it sheer impossible to defy him.

And the bastard’s influence would only grow if Goro wasn’t able to put him behind bars sometime soon. _Tch._

Goro’s focus had bid him adieu after the phone call, and he hit a wall when it came to working on his assignments. Upset and angry, he decided he should throw caution to the wind today and go out drinking- _get wasted,_ if he went by Ryuji’s words.

It was unsettling how often his thoughts wandered to Akira and his troupe these days- they had shown him unexpected mercy. Or maybe it had been pity, but whatever it had been- Goro didn’t need it.

What he also thought of was the glint of mischief in Akira’s eyes, as it reminded him of someone else- someone Goro had ruined his chances with and shouldn’t keep thinking of. _Urgh_.

Still, lovestruck or not, he had to make some preparations before heading out into the early night. Goro threw himself into some old, tightly snuck jeans, ripped at the knees- something Shido detested. He also found an old, hideous shirt which was imprinted with a bright, yellow star and a few cartoon figures.

Goro also found a black snapback with the words “BAD BITCH” imprinted in bold letters on it, as well as a leather jacket- perfect. He had absolutely no idea where he had gathered all these things, seeing as he barely spent money on his clothing and only bought suits for his work and TV appearances- which he’d also wear to college- so he must have bought these a long time ago, in his teen rebellion phase. The brunet tied his hair up and snatched some fake glasses he once got from a TV show and threw a final look into the mirror to test his appearance.

Yeah, this look did not resemble the prim and proper Detective Prince in the least. It seemed more like unleashing Goro’s inner rebel than anything else.

With a grin, he headed out- his goal was rather close, seeing as he lived in Shinjuku and the bar Sae told him about seemed to be very discreet about their private costumer data. Apparently, she had once wasted away the night there on a particular bad loss on a case and the owner hadn’t sold her out. With Goro’s appearance, he hoped he could forego any such possibilities from happening at all.

The bar named “Crossroads”- ironic name, really- soon came into his view, and Goro felt comfortable as no one in the crowd called him out or seemed to recognize him. He wished dearly for a life where he wouldn’t be bothered on a daily basis, sapping his nerves and patience.

When he entered the bar, a strong waft of alcohol, beer and…were those shishas? invaded his senses. It was a Thursday night, and there were very few costumers around- actually, it seemed like they were all about to leave.

Unsure whether Goro was visiting too late or whether it was just business men heading home to get enough sleep for another work day, he sat down at the counter, curiously searching out the menu or something else.

He couldn’t spot any workers so far, until a very…bulky man with heavy makeup and an exotic appearance appeared in front of him.

Goro probably would have choked on his drink if he had one.

“Hello, young boy.”

The voice was very…interesting, to say the least. This person wasn’t covering up the fact that he had the voice of a man despite his obvious attempt to appear female, and Goro wondered if he received a lot of odd looks working like this.

“I haven’t seen you dropping by here yet. First time?”

Goro, still stunned, took a while to answer- also because he suffered a déjà vu.

“Um. Yeah. I’d like a drink if possible.”

The answer amused the waiter- waitress?- bartender, and he/she/they turned around.

“Of course, young boy. That’s what they all want when they come here. Let me just go tell my cute aide to take care of your drink, I still need to finish up on something. Hope you don’t mind waiting.” He/she/they added a wink, and Goro gulped.

“Of course not”, he stuttered out as the eccentric owner disappeared behind a door with a melodious laugh.

Okay. _Definitely weird_.

Goro had to make sure not to be discovered by the press here, or they’d have a field day- _Up and coming Detective Prince Goro Akechi frequenting a trans bar! Is this a hint about his true sexual attraction?!_ Or some bullshit was what they’d write, Goro was sure. But maybe the place was also crazy enough to ward off any curious reporters, that is- all Goro knew was if he didn’t get wasted in the next hour, he’d probably chew off someone’s head, reporter and reputation to lose or not.

But of course, things could never be that easy.

Someone emerged from the back, a mop of black unruly hair, wearing a white, long sleeved shirt alongside to snug jeans and- and oh shit, Goro thought he was hallucinating, but no, _no,_ shit, the bartender reciprocated Goro’s gaze the second Goro realized who he was (presumably) looking at and-

It felt like being hit by magma, burning away any oxygen Goro had left in his lunges as Akira Kurusu- or was it his twin? – Goro couldn’t be sure- frowned at him. Goro didn’t dare to say anything- heck, he was barely breathing- but the mysterious guy just kept frowning at him before turning his back to Goro and preparing some sort of drink.

Goro had the slight fear the bartender was planning to poison him, and no words were exchanged as Goro received his drink. He could, of course, ask if he was Ren. There was also the possibility it was actually Akira this time around, but Goro had made himself a fool too often when it came to the raven. Ravens? Oh gosh.

Besides, what was Goro supposed to say? _Sorry I blew up on you because I thought you were your brother, that, oh, you don’t keep in contact with?_

Ridiculous. Utter nonsense.

Goro was panicking- he wasn’t ready for this confrontation yet. He had to map out a proper plan before going back to Leblanc and pay his debt off- well, there might be an opportunity do it now, though. Besides, Goro Akechi never bowed his head to anyone- except to Shido, and that only for certain reasons. Would the detective really be ashamed of his behavior, even though the outcome hadn’t been his fault entirely?

No way.

That’s what Goro tried to convince himself of as he stared down the drink.

It looked inconspicuous enough- and, as Goro gulped down a big swing of the drink, realized it tasted like good, old Vodka. And Tequila? Probably also Rum- he also tasted a spiciness that definitely didn’t belong to any of those tastes, but he was too riled up to ask of the ingredients of the drink. Instead, he silently asked for drink after drink by moving his empty glass around the counter, which would quickly be taken and refilled, until his head was fuzzy and pleasantly swimming.

He nearly forgot what he was so worried about in the first place as he downed another glass.

“Hope you plan on paying this time around…shit’s expensive if you down it like water the way you do.”

Goro barely recognized the words as he focused on the pleasant fuzz of alcohol numbing him, but some part of his brain- the horny part, Goro bet- immediately recoiled at the deep bass of the voice. He jammed out his purse- thank fuck he had it on him, or else this would have turned out very embarrassing- and pulled out all the cash he had.

Dropping his head on the counter, he saw fingers gracefully picking up the cash, counting how much was needed to pay the bill. A few coins were dropped on the purse a little bit later on, and it was then that Goro realized something through the numb part of his brain: he had had enough cash on him to pay for the grocery trip he took twice a month- but with the amount of liquor he had just downed, either the liquor was extremely cheap or extremely bad.

Would his liver survive?

Goro let out a frustrated groan before realizing he wasn’t yelling into his pillow but a wooden counter, and a faraway part of his brain registered a muffled laugh from the background.

“One would think you’d be some sort of alcohol addict with the way you downed those drinks, but they usually have higher tolerance.”

“My tolerance is great”, Goro slurred out, and another infuriating laugh reverberated through the air.

“You got knocked down by two glasses of Long Island Iced Tea, dearest. The rest was water with a bit of other stuff to make it taste better, in case you didn’t realize. I’m not a fan of costumers dying in front of me, after all- or giving up their liver.”

Goro’s head shot up- a mistake. The whole room was spinning- shit. Was that Akira leering down at him, having successfully made a joke out of him?!

Shit. Now the whole college- no, the whole country would know. “That- I’m still better than you, Kurusu, just you wait. N-n-….next time, in practical law, I’m going to talk you- into the ground.”

A snort. The bastard was laughing.

Agitated, Goro snatched his purse, scrambling to get up and leave the imaginary- or very real- sneering Akira Kurusu behind. He still added a few curses and insults, explaining his clear distaste towards Kurusu, and how he infuriated him.

”The only good thing”, Goro added, menacingly, “are your…shitty looks, bastard.”

“So, I look sexy or do I look shitty? That’s a very important point.”

“No, you look- shitty- absolutely way too radiant. It’s disgusting.”

“Aw, really? Radiant?”

“If it weren’t for your- shitty personality, maybe I’d find you hot- maybe.”

“Would you like to pounce on me if I weren’t, let’s say, so radiant?”

A vexing smirk.

Fuck Akira Kurusu, honestly.

“I’d never jump you, you shitty bastard. You think the whole world lays down to your feet for you- effortlessly. Do you even have the slightest idea what I have to do to upkeep my appearance?!” Goro jabbed one of his fingers into Akira’s chest, wobbling dangerously on his feet.

“Huh, sounds to me like you have a bad case of jealously. Though, you haven’t answered the question, feral stray cat- you think Akira- am I hot or not?”

Goro felt his fuses explode as the bartender sent him one of his provoking smirks, raising his eyebrows as if this was some sort of challenge.

No way in _hell_ would Goro back down from a challenge.

A white hot rage overcame him as he moved the finger that was stabbing Akira’s chest- his hand moved upwards, grabbing Akira’s collar aggressively and yanking him towards himself, tearing some of the shirt in the process-

Before he smashed his lips inelegantly against his stupid, shitty, provoking rival, the one who had everything, who had probably never witnessed any hardships in life, the one who was surrounded by a cheery group of friends, and Goro bit down harshly on the other’s lips, drawing blood, focusing more on the taste of iron than the stubbles grazing his chin and the smell of aftershave.

The, he shoved Akira back with as much power as he had left- which, frankly, wasn’t much.

“The world would freeze over before you best me, Akira- taste bitter defeat. Suck it.”

And Goro, oh dearest Goro really thought he had won whatever battle had been going on as he took in the dumbstruck face of Akira- of Akira without glasses? Whatever.

A sly grin, a fucking _smirk_ appeared on Akira’s face as he leaned back in towards Goro- who wouldn’t budge, no way in hell-

“You have a thing for the dramatic, don’t you? If the smashing of our lips is what you think is what bitter defeat presents, then I’m curious to hear what you think this is-“

And Akira, with a streak of blood running down his lower lip, yanked in Goro instead, grabbing him by his shirt, and suddenly-

-Oh _shit_ , there was a different tongue invading Goro’s mouth, one that wasn’t his, one that he didn’t recognize, that tasted a bit like booze and- coffee? – and it was playing with him, licking and prodding at his own tongue, coaxing out weird noises out of Goro, demanding and pulling and- and then it was _licking_ the roof of his mouth and Goro’s knees buckled as he groaned, the sensation intoxicating him as much as the alcohol had-

Then it was over, and Goro was breathing heavily on his own as he stood on wobbly legs, and Akira wasn’t smiling at him anymore but watching him like a predator its prey. He licked his lips, licked away the reminder of Goro’s wound, and something sparked in Goro’s stomach upon seeing _that gaze-_

Finally, he registered what Akira had done, and he was again overtaken by fury.

Before he knew it, his hand had connected with Akira’s cheek, the sound of the slap overtaking his harsh breathing, and he was yelling something like “You _gay scum_ ” even though he had started the whole thing on his own, even though he wasn’t much better, and before he knew it he was storming out of the bar again, heading straight to his apartment as his mind was haunted by a sneering Akira Kurusu.

He didn’t hear the raven muttering to himself: “Thought a bit of booze would loosen him up, but…not sure if that was the intended effect or not. Well, at least I got to embarrass him.”

Goro also- sadly- missed the lecture the owner, namely, Lala Escargot gave Ren, reminding him he was still working and shouldn’t scare off costumers. Lala, however, was a very forgiving person when it came to Ren, knowing the boy was smarter than he let on, so she wasn’t that harsh on him.

It was a good thing Goro passed out after he had entered his flat- almost immediately.

The aftermath of this would be hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I googled which drinks get you drunk fast. I heard the ingredients of the drink would taste disgusting lmao but Goro's tough so...whatever. Technically, he wouldn't even be drunk because of the amount of water Ren pumped into his body, BUT WHATEVER, THIS IS MY PLAYGROUND NOW AND IN MY WORLD GORO GOT DRUNK FROM TWO DRINKS AND DIDN'T REALIZE HE DRANK WATER AFTERWARDS.  
> Placebo effect, anyone?  
> Anyway, he embarrasses himself once again. But Ren's also at fault this time, so....well. Also, Goro's outfit is ridiculous but I love his snapback lmaooooo.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated as always!!!!


	3. And so the gears begin to sing; and a lunchbox it may bring

Goro woke up with the worst headache ever as his alarm rung him out of his sleep, before he remembered it was his own fault for getting wasted. He deemed himself lucky he hadn’t drunk a lot, so at least he wasn’t throwing up into the toilet anytime soon- hopefully. You never knew with these hangovers, after all. _~~Not like he was actually suffering under one.~~_

Apparently he had been too hungover to get into bed, and spent the night on the couch- well, that was better than the ground, at least, though his back certainly didn’t reciprocate the thought. Where had he even gone drinking? His migraine was killing him, but he had to remember where he had went yesterday night.

Something flickered in the back of his mind; the bar in Shinjuku with the eccentric owner- Crossroads?- and the taste of…coffee? No, that must be wrong.

Wait.

Little by little, part of his memories trickled back into his mind; a certain raven haired man had been his bartender- and Goro had an inkling it had truly been Ren this time around. He remembered the awkward silence between the two of them, and how Goro just kept drinking and drinking and then- ? What had happened then?

Shit, it felt like he was missing some sort of big picture here. He remembered being taunted, though- something about- paying.

Argh, he needed some pain killers before he could spent the rest of his day thinking what had or had not happened. Goro was sure, however, that he held a certain disdain towards Ren- for whatever reason. And also that he hadn’t paid his debt from Leblanc- something he had to settle as soon as possible. He didn’t like being in people’s debt, or worse, owing them gratitude- and in this particular situation, he had essentially bailed without wanting to.

He’d have to wait and work hard for some free time. The more time passed between him not appearing and paying his bill at Leblanc, the more awkward it would get.

However, for now, it was time to prepare for college, and with a sigh, Goro made his way to his meager closet. He peeled himself out of yesterday’s clothes, happy that he had enough time for a shower because else this day wouldn’t have been- humanly possible, to say the least. After the quickest shower of his life, he pulled out his usual college getup, consisting of a grey suit emblazoned with his college emblem, and a white collar shirt.

White collar shirt? Hmm. Something rung in the back of Goro’s mind, but he wasn’t sure what.

Well, whatever.

***

The day passed by relatively quickly, but there was a small…incident of sorts during his lunch break. Goro didn’t usually have a break in his busy life, opting to work through his workload instead of stuffing his stomach with nutrients.

Which wasn’t the best choice, really, especially after a miserable hangover haunted him all day, but it wasn’t like he had time to properly take care of himself. He wasn’t the best cook, either, so he usually lived off of instant food or take-out. Sometimes, bold fangirls would make him lunch, and he’d smile at them, thank them kindly and then throw out the entire content into the trash bin- you never knew what these people put in their lunch, and Goro had tried one too many times back in high school.

Today, however…didn’t fall into any of these categories. Goro usually searched for a hidden spot to take his lunch- or rather, a spot he could spread his sheets without the danger of them flying off to who knows where.

So he decided to sit in one of the quiet indoor study areas, desolate at this time of the day. He hadn’t noticed the open window, much less anticipated the strong gust of wind suddenly crashing into the room, making a mess out of his neat order- and, what’s worse, sent some of his papers flying outside.

Shit. He nearly jumped out of the window before remembering that wouldn’t make a very pleasant sight, even though he was lucky the study areas were located on the ground floor. 

What he didn’t expect was an accursed mop of black hair to pop up underneath the window.

It was like he was cursed or something.

Akira Kurusu just couldn’t stop crossing his path, could he?

“This…belongs to you, right?” Akira stood up slightly on his toes to reach through the open window, recognizing Goro instantly. “Oh, hey! How’re you holding up?” He asked it so nonchalantly, with a gallant smile, as if…as if they weren’t just mere acquaintances.

_What the heck._

Goro took the offered papers with a slightly disgusted face before he remembered to fix his expression to his TV smile. “Thank you most kindly. If you don’t mind.” Goro turned around, ready to go back to work again, but it seemed as if he had piqued the other’s curiosity a tad too much.

“Isn’t it lunch break time? Why are you inside, working on stuff like that when the weather’s so good?”

There it was again, the innocent tilt of Akira’s head, the accursed, stupid, infuriating move- argh, Goro felt as if his nerves were on a constant endurance test these days.

“Some people have stuff to do, you know? Money just doesn’t fall from the trees.”

Admittedly, the statement was a little too harsh for his Prince persona, but he felt like he didn’t have to be on constant alert with the raven.

Weird.

When no answer came, Goro grew worried and threw a look outside the window- the moron had disappeared. Of course. Goro had been worried over nothing, it seemed.

He was proven wrong when the door to the study room was thrown open a few minutes later, Akira entering and closing the door with mirth written in his eyes. “Wow, Akechi, didn’t know you had a sense of humor, really.”

He casually slumped down in the seat opposite to Goro- much to the latter’s dismay, what the hell was going on?- and had the audacity to spread out his lunch box on the table, casually putting Goro’s papers aside.

“It’s food time, dude”, he grinned at Goro, who was about to burst another vein- and a sense of deja-vu overcame him- for the second time in a short time span.

“First of all”, Goro pressed out, on the verge of yelling, “I am not to be referred as ‘dude’. I don’t remember our relationship being that casual. Secondly, and most importantly, I believe I made it clear that. I. didn’t. pack. lunch. Get it? And lastly, you’re not even allowed to eat here!”

Akira only shrugged at that, pushing his lunch box into the middle of the table. “So let’s share then. I always pack too much, anyway, since Ryuji’s stomach somehow expands from time to time and I need to make sure he gets enough food for the day. Besides, even if it’s not allowed to eat here, so long as no one catches us and no one reports it and we don’t destroy anything- no harm done, right?”

The smile he sent Goro was so utterly charming that Goro’s anger seemed to evaporate into thin air- not because it was Akira, but he wondered if another certain boy would be capable of sending him such a smile.

Somehow he had the inkling that, no, he wouldn’t.

Weird.

“I don’t know your preferences- you should tell me, you know?- but I have chicken sandwich and vegetarian sandwiches, and oh, right, some chocolate bars-“

“Why on _earth_ are you acting like this, Kurusu?”, Goro interrupted the cheerful talk of the guy wearing nerdy glasses, who didn’t seem as if he had a care in the world.

He also didn’t understand the question, obviously. “What do you mean?” The quirk of an eyebrow being raised seemed…oddly familiar.

Urgh, Goro _had_ to stop thirsting after Akira’s twin, really. “I’m saying”, he pressed out, “why are you- why is this- all this- you know I don’t particularly like you, or do I need to make myself even more clear?”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

There was silence for a short while, before another smile took over Akira’s entire demeanor. “Yeah, but I want to be friends with you! I could even invite all the others to come eat with us- but like, I have the feeling you like them even less than me. Especially Ryuji.”

“And what, do tell, is your intention of befriending me?”

Uh oh. Goro’s patience was wearing thin.

“Aw, come on, I’ve tried befriending you since the day I attended this place here- but you just had to go and make up this competitional rival shit- thing. Not that I mind, really- if that’s your way of befriending me, it’s cool with me, man. Gosh, I sound like Ryuji. But now I know you’re just really, really awkward deep down your soul!”

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“Yeah, like, you know, I realized that when you tried to talk to me about Ren, and how you forgot to pay and stuff. You were all clammy and nervous- honestly, it’s actually kind of adorable, to see the contrast between TV Goro Akechi and…real life Akechi, honest. And now that I know that, I don’t plan on backing down on befriending you!”

Goro had often had people approach him to befriend him, using some sort of ploy to get themselves into the spotlight or make Goro look bad in the spotlight by uncovering dark secrets. He didn’t believe in this so called bullshit of what people called ‘friends’. Besides, there was no time for friends in his lifestyle, anyway.

The only thing different in Akira’s speech, however, was the fact that he had actually witnessed Goro slip up- and, following Akira’s reasoning, that had been the catalyst to “befriend” him. Normally, Goro would have found some polite, but stern way to turn him down and never bother with him again- but he knew Akira was a tougher case to crack.

The guy claimed to have been chasing after him for a year now, after all.

Before he could think of an appropriate response, however, Akira kept talking- honestly, did the guy ever stop? “-and, well, maaaaybe, maybe maybe you can also tell me about, y’know, Ren? Sure am interested in what the guy’s been up to these days. Would be a nice benefit.” He added a wink, as if telling some sort of inside joke.

Aha. There it was, Kurusu’s true agenda, the one that told him what he actually wanted- and weirdly, it wasn’t focused on Goro…at all. Not in the least.

Akira Kurusu was truly an enigma.

Instead of blowing up at him- weirdly, it felt like the steam of anger he always held towards the boy had seemingly disappeared- Goro sent Akira a menacing glare. “I can see through your intentions- it is very laudable for you to present them to me openly like this- but I don’t see the benefit in keeping up this…this charade, really. Please don’t get on my nerves.”

Akira didn’t get the message. “Yeah, sure, dude. You know there’s a term for people who act all cold but actually care, right? Like ‘tsundere’? Though, I guess ‘kuudere’ fits more to you. Man, I’m so excited- what’s your favorite food, Akechi?”

Uff. It seemed like playing along would be the easier way to get rid of Kurusu’s hyper attention. Fine. Goro could do that.

_Just another mask for the public,_ he thought.

Little did he know that this ‘mask’ would turn out to be much more.

“I don’t have any favorite food, really.” “No way! Everyone has something they love.”

“I don’t.”

“Then, what’s something you really don’t like? Like, what do you really never eat?”

_Healthy food,_ Goro thought, though it wasn’t like he was avoiding that on purpose.

“I don’t like anything too oily.” Vague, but detailed enough.

“Hmmm, I see.”

Some sort of chocolate bar appeared under Goro’s nose as he tried concentrating on the matters of law- and as he met Akira’s firm gaze, he knew there was no way around eating that at least, or else the chatterbox would never.shut.up. Reluctantly, he took the bar out of Kurusu’s hands and was rewarded with a warm smile- one that sent goosebumps up his spine.

Fuck’s sake, what was up with this guy? Goro’d throw the bar away at some point, anyway- that was his plan at least.

He didn’t expect to have something touch his lips in the middle of reading through a paragraph, jumping back slightly at the cold sensation on his lips.

_Lips, huh_.

“What on earth-“

Apparently, Akira had been pressing the now open bar to Goro’s lips.

“Come on, lunch break is almost over. You gotta get something into that tummy of yours- don’t worry, it’s not like the bar is poisoned or something. Here.” Akira broke off a part of the bar and threw it into his mouth. “See? I’m not dying on the ground, gasping for air or something. Unless you think I’m trying to murder both of us here- a lover’s suicide! Funny, right?!”

Goro merely deadpanned. Akira sighed, pushing the partly eaten bar back in Goro’s direction. “Come on, eat. Feels like I’m trying to tame some wild cat or something.”

Goro felt a surge of anger welling up at being called like that- why, he wasn’t sure, though.

“I’m not gonna stop bothering you until you eat that bar, dude. Seriously, what do you run on all day? People’s misfortune? That’s what Ryuji says all the time.”

It was more like Goro was trying to outrun his own misfortune, but whatever- if eating this stupid bar would make Akira shut up for a while, it was worth it.

And it could help his dangerously-close-to-growling stomach to shut up as well.

Goro took a tentative bite of the bar, chewing slowly under Akira’s attentive gaze. It really didn’t seem poisoned. He was glad it was such a small bar, finishing it quickly to be finally freed of Akira’s attention- and in the exact moment he took the last bite, Akira’s phone starting buzzing vehemently.

“Sorry”, Akira apologized sheepishly, after taking a short glance on his phone’s display, “It’s Ryuji. He’s asking where I am before the break ends.” “Then you should go and see him.”

_And leave me the fuck alone._

“Yeah, he’s…in a pinch, lol. Here.” Goro didn’t know where from, but suddenly, three more bars were lying on his desk, as well as a tiny lunch box. “It’s sushi and rice I made this morning. Originally, I had made it for Yusuke, but he’s absorbed in some artistic process right now and won’t let anyone near him. It would go to waste if I took it with me! Just give me back the box tomorrow or something.”

Before Goro could reply something mean, like he didn’t need anyone’s leftovers, less anyone’s pity about his lifestyle and that Akira should stop acting as if he _cared-_ Akira had jumped up and gathered his stuff in a jiffy, exiting the room in the same storm he had entered- leaving behind no traces of food nor chaos- except the chaos left behind riding in Goro’s heart.

_An enigma,_ Goro thought, once again, and for the first time in his life, he couldn’t bring himself to throw the content of the lunch into the bin. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to risk being caught with food in the study area as he moved back to his seat.

But he had no excuse, when, late at night, his stomach grumbling and his headache killing him, overworked, tired, missing sleep as his alarm would go off in three hours again, he ate the entire lunchbox and the three fruit bars, and- oddly, it felt like eating a caring, homemade meal.

Something Goro had been missing out his entire life. Something he would _never,_ ever acquire.

He would never, not even in his grave, admit the few teardrops running down his cheeks as he gulped down the homemade sushi and destroyed the smiley face made out of tofu drawn onto the rice.

Akira Kurusu, huh.

An enigma.

***

Goro stared down at the empty lunch box, hoping it would evaporate into thin air if he just kept staring at it long enough. But no, the box was still there, and Goro held it in his hands, unsure of what to do now. He had cleansed it after consuming the meal, and he knew where Akira and his friends spent their lunch break- if Akira didn’t end up searching Goro first.

Somehow, though, Goro had the feeling that this time around, he’d have to seek the raven out himself.

He felt something like anger bubbling up in him as half of lunchtime passed and he still hadn’t decided on what to do. Stupid Kurusu. Why couldn’t he just mind his own business? Why did Goro eat the lunch in the first place, and hadn’t thrown it away like he’d usually done?

Urgh. Stupid, meddlesome raven.

A somewhat pretty raven.

No, scratch that thought! Goro didn’t owe Akira anything, so he also didn’t have to feel guilty about returning the lunch box empty, without anything in return. If Kurusu expected anything out of him, he shouldn’t have given him the lunch box in the first place- hadn’t lunch been made for his artistic friend? He’d said something like that, didn’t he?

Goro shoved his papers into his bag and stood up, angry steps making their way towards the ping-pong area. He’d just- shove the box into Akira’s hands and leave. Possibly. He was bothered by a few fangirls on the way, but he politely told them off. They were so stupid, being dumbstruck by his fake smile and falling for this façade.

However, it wouldn’t be all that easy to drop off the lunch box, it seemed. When Goro closed in on the ping-pong area, he saw a black-haired, unknown girl sitting next to the blonde model friend. They were chatting amicably, but Akira was nowhere to be seen.

_Shit_.

Goro clicked his tongue. This was either going to be a breeze in the park- he was just going to give the lunchbox to the blonde- or he’d have to wait.

Which seemed like a terrible decision, really. Urgh.

He whipped up what he deemed as ‘the charming, innocent smile’ as he approached the girls, yet unaware of him. As he came close, however, the blonde noticed him and shook her friend, her eyes widening in disbelief. “Shiho, am I-“

“Excuse me, uhm…?” Goro tilted his head, unsure what their names were.

The black haired girl gave him a shy smile, understanding what he wanted to know. “My name is Shiho Suzui.”

The blonde, after Shiho motioned her to introduce herself as well, turned back to Goro, eyeing him with a skeptical look. “I’m…Ann Takamaki.”

“Of course. I’m sure you know who I am.” Fuck, that sounded obnoxious even to Goro’s own ears- almost as bad as Shido’s self-loving introductions. He quickly continued. “I was wondering, Takamaki, Suzui…Where is Kurusu? I assumed he’d usually hang around here.”

Ann was still scrutinizing him, unsure of his intentions. “He’s a bit late because he had some sort of match against Hifumi, but he should be here soon…why?”

_Oh dear. Here we go_.

“Well”, Goro cleared his throat, “I…was planning on returning him the lunchbox he-“ _shoved into my hands yesterday_ “-gave me yesterday…” Tentatively, Goro pulled out the rather plain black and white patterned box, hoping he could just drop it off with Akira’s friends.

Since Akira himself was a fickle person, however, so were his friends. Shiho, after listening to his reasoning, pinched Ann’s cheeks as the blonde frowned. “I’m sure he’s gonna be here soon, Akechi. Why don’t you sit here and wait with us?”

“Shiho?!” Ann’s exclamation perfectly expressed how Akechi felt about the idea, yet refusing might seem…weird. Awkward.

Arrogant.

_Urgh._

Akechi felt the telltale of a headache incoming as Shiho pinched Ann again, whispering something. After that, she went quiet, and Shiho patted the empty place on the table no one had occupied yet. “Come on! We’ll tell him you’re waiting for him- he should be here in a jiffy.”

Goro would rather jump off a bridge than be spotted hanging out in the ping pong area. No way could he do that. “Thanks, but…I’m kinda in a hurry, actually. Maybe I could just- drop this off with you? I’m sure Kurusu wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh, trust me, he would”, Ann muttered, eliciting Shiho’s laugh.

Thankfully, this awfully awkward interaction was interrupted by a voice in the distance, yelling: “Ewwww, am I seeing this right? Why is _he_ here?”

Of course, Ryuji’s voice would be audible even from a wide distance. Goro’s smile vanished, as he had minus zero patience dealing with the monkey right now. His heart was thundering enough thinking about how to handle Akira.

Speak of the devil, it seemed like Sakamoto wasn’t alone- Goro heard Ryuji suppress a painful scream all of a sudden, then a cheerful voice called out: “Hey Akechi! Good to see you!”

Soon, the duo had arrived at the ping-pong tables, and Goro was greeted with the sight of a beaming Akira- of course. “Didn’t expect to see you here! What’s up?” “Yeah, seriously, what’s up- waaaaah!”

This time around, Shiho had kicked Ryuji’s shin, making him jump around the place in pain. The situation undeniably reminded Goro of a monkey, and he’d have snickered if he wasn’t so good at keeping his emotions in check. Though keeping his emotions in check wasn’t his best forte these days, it seemed- a certain barista seemed to mess him up.

What’s worse, certain barista’s face was looking at him right now, with a disarming, welcome smile.

Goro sighed internally as he kicked his own butt- best to just get this over with. “Your lunchbox”, he eloquently said as he thrusted the thing against Akira’s chest, who automatically grabbed the box by instinct. Goro’s heart was thundering.

“Thank you.”

Well, so much for his brilliant and eloquent speech skills. The detective turned around, hoping to make a quick exit- but of course, Akira wouldn’t let him have his way. “Wait”, he protested, shoving the box into the whimpering Ryuji’s arms- causing him to yelp in surprise- and Goro felt his sleeve being tugged, like he’d often experienced when those fangirls bothered him- except that this time around, the urge to swat the hand away was stronger than ever. Goro maintained an icy smile as he turned around, and he felt his veins twitch as Akira returned his smile with a pout.

“You didn’t even say if you liked it!”

Hrrrrrrr. Goro was not a man to admit to his emotions. “It was…passable.”

“ ‘Passable’ my ass bro, why the fuck do you have this fucking constipated way of- yikes!” Ryuji had earned himself another kick- this time from Akira, and not in the shin, but his…balls.

“Bro, this is betrayal!” he howled, but Akira paid him no mind.

“I hope passable means you enjoyed it a little!”

Goro blinked, unsure why Akira hadn’t let go of him yet. “I’m going to experiment a little these days and one day, I’m gonna make you say it tasted good, man! It’s a bet.”

Akira’s smile would put the sun to shame, and it was no wonder that Goro’s icy TV smile melted away, revealing his rather- vulnerable insecurity.

Well, it wasn’t like Goro was one to back out of a challenge, but- that would mean truly committing to eating all of the future lunches Akira would prepare for him. It wasn’t like he was suffering under diarrhea because Akira mixed in some crazy “love” potion or something, but who was to say that he wouldn’t at some point? Especially if Ryuji was put anywhere near the lunch boxes.

As if the blonde had overheard Goro’s internal monologue, he interjected their conversation by grumbling: “It’s not like he’s gonna poison you or some shit, just accept that someone’s trying to be nice to you- I mean, I’ve been abused! By my own friends! Because Akira wants to befriend you! For whatever reason. And this guy can’t even kill a fly without his guilt crushing him for a week afterwards, so you better appreciate this. He said he feels sorry for how emaciated you look- that you don’t seem to be eating and shit…”

It wasn’t like Goro couldn’t feel appreciation at all- but Ryuji’s way of saying ‘you better appreciate this’ and ‘he feels sorry’ enraged Goro.

“I don’t need to appreciate anything- I don’t _owe_ him anything”, he spat out, his patience running thin, memories of Shido’s abuse haunting him, triggered by the words ‘ _you better be grateful that I’m raising you at all’_ and _‘go out to starve into the streets and see who’s gonna feel sorry for you if you feel up to it’_ , “-and no, I don’t need to appreciate someone invading my personal space and telling me to eat his stupid leftover meal because he wants to ‘befriend’ me. I could have just thrown it into the trash! I know his intentions in ‘befriending me’”- Goro mocked those words as best as he could- “and honestly, if there’s pity mixed along, then you can shove that up your ass and leave it there. Thank you most kindly for wasting my precious time.”

Akira was wearing the expression of a kicked puppy as Goro angrily swat his arm free and strode away without anyone holding him back.

Later, he’d be disappointed in himself for losing his control and letting his emotions run free- but for now, he was fuming, hoping to get away as soon as possible, and he squashed the stupid part of his heart that had secretly hoped someone would hold him back.

Goro did not hear the following conversation coming to a close. “Great, Ryuji, really, you just made him flip. It’s Akira’s business what he does, so how about you just shut your mouth and let him do what he deems right without interfering?! Or worse, commenting?!”

“I don’t understand why Akira wants to befriend that prick! That Akechi fella looks down on me like I’m some kinda animal or some shit- I just feel it!- and that’s disrespectful as hell! Why would he treat Akira any better?! I bet he’s just making fun of him, and is gonna have a good laugh about this afterwards- I don’t want my best friend to get hurt by this asshole!”

“It’s still none of your business, Ryuji!”

The two blondes bickered on as Shiho lay a comforting hand on Akira’s shoulder, who felt rather dejected. “He….seems like a tough nut to crack. I think Ryuji stepped on the wrong fuse, but I think there’s hope.”

“Really?” Akira desperately hoped to have melted a certain icy prince’s heart.

“Definitely! He said ‘I could have thrown it into the trash’ suggesting that’s what he usually does- but this time around, he probably didn’t! Also, I remember him accepting someone’s meal and saying it tasted delicious, but he was wearing that fake smile all the way- I’m guessing he actually ate your lunch and it made him insecure, because he wasn’t sure why he’d done that, and how to express the truth.”

Shiho’s words rung true in Akira’s ears, and he perked up a little as the two blondes fought on, the raven deciding it was more important to mediate right now. He wasn’t going to give up on his plan to befriend a certain prince- even if it did mean burning himself from time to time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you ever think about how Goro would react to being gifted a proper homemade meal made for his truly? No? Stay tuned ;)  
> Also chapter length consistency? I don't know her. I'm just trying to make the scenes cut together nicely so some chapters may be extremely short and others way too long. It izzzz what it izzzz.  
> I'd appreciate if you told me how you like the chapter flow, tho!


	4. The gears are turning: The game commences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the note for warnings!
> 
> So this is when the story actually begins hitting in folks. Which is why...I need to remind of the tags again. This scene has so much happening and going on, all the things you need to be careful of are listed in the tag list, so I won't list them here all over again. I mean, if you made it this far despite my constanting tag yelling (I just want to be careful lol) then I guess you'll be fine.
> 
> Now, moving on: Buckle up. Things are not as they seem. And Goro's suffering begins...

Goro was- plainly put- not in a good mood as he returned home and threw his bag in a corner. He still hadn’t gotten over Ryuji’s comment of “owing” something and “being appreciative”.

Fuck no- fuck anyone who thought that.

To top it off, he had looked into his mail and found the stupid script for the TV show he was supposed to show up for- what’s worse, Shido had gone out of his way to mark the passages he was supposed to learn heart by heart, adding a mocking ‘ _you better do this right, or else you know what’s coming for you’._

It did not improve Goro’s mood.

At all.

Why the fuck did the world think he owed it anything? Why in the ever living fuck couldn’t he just be left alone, why did he have to show gratitude why why _why_ \- he didn’t owe anyone anything, fuck, he hadn’t asked to be born, he hadn’t asked to be the puppet of a puppeteer, he didn’t want this, he didn’t ask for this, fuck this fuck this _fuck this_ -

Except, he remembered in his white-hot fury rage – he did owe someone something. He hadn’t paid his debt for Leblanc’s food. He hadn’t settled the score with Akira Kurusu’s lookalike- who was probably mocking him, thinking Goro owed him something as well, just like his brother - and Goro could not take it a second longer, thinking about the bill, thinking about Akira Kurusu and his stupid friends and family.

Goro stormed into his bathroom, making a mess of the laundry basket with the dirty clothes, throwing any and all clothing aside _ ~~\- not like there was much to throw around, anyway-~~_ until he had found the exact outfit he had worn to Crossroads a few days ago, crumpled and stinky and- Goro didn’t care.

He just needed to go out and settle the debt immediately, before he tore down the walls of his apartment like a wild animal. Grabbing his purse, he ran out looking like a stray, his hair flowing all over the place- nope, he did not find a hair tie, but he did find the snapback- but he couldn’t care less, he couldn’t care less, he couldn’t –

It was when he crashed against the bike rack downstairs that he remembered, instead of waiting for the next train, he might be faster on his own bicycle. Ignoring the pain in his abdomen caused by the rather hurtful crash, he ran up the stars anew, searching his apartment up and down for the key that would unlock his bike. Luckily, he found it before he was screaming in agony like a true maniac.

Luckily, no one would confuse him with the ‘Detective Prince’, as his personal bike was rather worn out and creaky- he had another one he used exclusively when he biked to work or other TV appearances, because of course no one was allowed to think up-and-coming Detective Prince Goro Akechi was actually broke as fuck. Said work bike was also inconspicuous as Goro couldn’t afford a flashy bike to be stolen, but it was definitely giving off the vibe of a vibrant, functioning, top notch bike.

To Goro’s own surprise, he reached Yongen-Jaya rather quickly- pedaling on adrenaline really did make him faster. He locked his bike right next to the door leading into the café, and thanks to a part of his adrenaline being burnt away, he realized he hadn’t even looked at the time- neither did he know if Leblanc was still open or not. But the sign on the door was still flipped on ‘open’, so Goro assumed it was going to be fine. He’d settle this today- once and for all.

Or not.

Goro bit his tongue as he entered the café, blood pumping through his ears, his chest thundering and his vision blurry- focused- blurry-

He noticed there was no one in the café but an older looking man with a grey apron tied around his waist, humming an absent ‘welcome’.

No sign of Akira Kurusu.

Well damn. So much for his plan, then.

The older man had a rather blank forehead but seemed to be in possession of full, black hair everywhere else- the most prominent feature of his face had to be his goatee. He threw Goro a quick glance over his plain, black glasses, frowning a little as he took in the snapback’s slogan- and it was then that Goro felt his cheeks heat up, ashamed of his own ridiculousness.

Seriously, what had he wanted to prove by dressing like a delinquent? This man was surely not going to think anything good of him. He should have just come in his suit.

But would it matter? _What good was it?_

Just as the older man opened his mouth, Goro interrupted him in hope of ending this farce quickly. “I’m afraid I have visited your establishment the other day and forgotten to pay as I had lost my purse. I am here to settle the debt and pay the bill- would you be so kind as to tell me how much a plate of curry and a cup of coffee cost?”

The lie came easy off his lips, and it had been a much smoother lie than to try and reconstruct the truth- maybe there was some good in having Akira- Ren- missing.

Goro added his award-winning TV smile in hope of convincing the older man that he was not here to rob the café or held any other dishonest intention- but it had the exact opposite effect, as the possible owner just threw him a very confused, very skeptical look.

“Uhh…look, kid, I hope you’re not high on drugs or anything, because I do not appreciate that in the least. At all. I will throw you out if that’s the case, mark my words.”

Well, with Goro’s current getup, of course his elaborate way of speech wouldn’t let him gain any credibility. He sighed, hoping the man- who seemed almost hostile now, of course- would believe him if he changed his speech pattern a little.

Maybe he had to sound more like Sakamoto.

“Sorry, man. Thought you’d suck the story up a lil’ more if I put it nicely. I really am here to pay, tho- I wasn’t lying about the bill. I just wanna pay my debt- see?” Theatrically, Goro searched for his purse, pulling out a few bills and coins - this month’s last savings, yikes, looks like he was going to have to starve a little- alongside his phone, and putting them on the counter, his every move being scrutinized by the older man.

“It was your subordi- your other worker, the one with the messy black hair that told me it was fine if I paid another day. ‘M sorry about being so ditzy.” To add a little to his new ‘Ryuji’ persona, he scratched the back of his head, looking as sad as he could.

Whether his story was believed or not, the older man took a few coins- barely something that could account for the food, really- and shoved the rest back into Goro’s direction, accompanied by a heavy sigh. “That no-good kid probably picked you up like a stray cat and thought he should feed you, like he always does. Gosh, I tell him to stop doing that- well, it looks like you have a little decency, at least. I doubt he’d want me to take any money, so I’m just gonna take these-“ the older man gestured to the few coins in his hands “- and we’re gonna call it quits. I don’t even wanna know where you got this money from, judging by your looks- I hope it’s clean. Now scram already, little boy. Sad to see what the world’s come to, really.”

The older man seemed lost in thought, much to Goro’s dismay. He’d wanted this out of his system- he didn’t want anyone’s pity- much less feel like he had another debt to settle. Well, this had been a catastrophic waste of time.

When Goro protested about the payment, he received a stern glare in return. “Use this for something else in your life- don’t think I’m going to give you free food from now on, either. I’m going to give that boy a stern warning. I don’t want anyone dying of hunger or whatever because they had to pay for my worker’s meal. Buy yourself some not-torn jeans, for example- they will help you through the cold season.”

Argh. This stupid, stupid, shitty adult. He wouldn’t let Goro have his way- he was pitying Goro alright. Arggggh, he should have come in his Detective Prince outfit, and this man wouldn’t have questioned his story at all. It might have thrown a bad light on him- how could such a perfect public figure forget his purse?- but it would have been worth it.

Goro argued on and on, but the older man was not letting him have his way and politely asked him to leave before he called the police- and that, for various reasons, was something Goro couldn’t risk at all.

His emotions must have been all over the place, as the older man’s features softened. “Don’t worry. I won’t call them if you leave right now and promise not to come back. Consider your score settled.”

What other choice did angry Goro have except to leave? His fury hadn’t been quenched at all- rather, it felt like he had gained another loss, like he had failed in his quest to soothe his heart- and he hated it, he hated himself for picking the wrong outfit, for acting with the wrong mask, for – for everything, really, and Shido’s words _‘you’re a complete failure’_ wacked his brain as he cycled all the way back to his home, suppressing angry tears that clouded his vision.

_Fuck this world._

Halfway done along his way back home, Goro noticed something: he was missing a certain something.

His phone.

Great. He must have left it on Leblanc’s counter, when he had pulled out his bills and coins. Fuck, really. It was undeniable that he needed that phone- he couldn’t lose it, as Shido would trash him. Maybe he’d even be hit, like some other bad days when he couldn’t live up to the performance.

Well, there wasn’t much of a choice to be made here. Cursing, Goro turned around- only to feel the first of a few raindrops falling down on him. Suddenly, the gates of the sky seemed to pour open, causing a torrent of rain to clash down, making it almost impossible to see.

_Great, just great, really._

When Goro finally arrived back in the streets of Yongen-Jaya, drenched like a mop, he hoped the café would still be open for a few minutes, just until the rain would subside. However, a glance upon the door proved him wrong: the sign had already been turned around to ‘CLOSED’, big fat black letters mocking the hell out of Goro and his already shitty mood. What was he supposed to do now?

Goro, in his frustration, decided to give the door a good, nice kick- it could help him lessen his anger. Possibly. Maybe.

Okay, it didn’t.

However, his angry attempt at vandalism seemed to cause a different effect: suddenly, the café’s lights were lit, a shadow approaching the door. Goro, despite being unable to express any other feelings than anger or hate, felt an unwelcome swoop of his stomach thinking of the older man finding him trying to break down his door after warning him never to come by again. Not to mention the fact that he was drenched and oozing off water in every attempt of a move, making him shiver like a newborn.

Yeah, the swoop of his stomach must have come from the fact that he was drenched, not that he felt something like…fear.

He slung his arms around himself, trying to make him look as small as possible- maybe he could evoke some pity in the older man if he acted as if he had some kind of psychological disorder- and when he heard the door click open, he clenched his eyes shut and whimpered, as best as he could: “I- I’m sorry, I’m not here to ask for shelter, it’s just- I lost my phone, and I think I left it here- could I- maybe just stay here until the rain subsides for a bit? I- I came here by bike and-“ Goro couldn’t continue as a sneeze cut himself off- his own sneeze.

Oh fuck, no, he couldn’t come up with a cold, not when he had a TV show to attend, not to mention-

There was a sigh heard from the person facing Goro in the rain, and suddenly, Goro felt a gentle grip on his arm as he was pulled inside, hearing the door fall shut before he dared to open his eyes-

and then, only then did he realize that the older man had not taken pity on him, but of course, of fucking course it had to be Akira Kurusu’s lookalike- Ren- giving him an unreadable expression as Goro’s eyes widened in shock.

 _Uh-oh- no no no, abort mission- this hadn’t been part of the plan. Nope._ Nope, he could just walk out of this place and act as if nothing had happened, there was nothing out of the ordinary-

Suddenly there was a laughter, a deep rumble that Goro could not interpret- was it a sneer? Was it a giggle from the absurdness of the situation?

“You know, for someone who walks around with the logo ‘BAD BITCH’ you keep messing up right and left.”

Goro’s face flushed red. He tore down the snapback from his stupid head- why had he even been wearing that thing again in the rain?- and was ready to throw it down onto the floor, hoping it could save him out of the misery of the situation- but again he was stopped, a hand snatching the drenching, dripping piece out of his hands before he could trash it.

“Now now, no need to get all skunky about this. The cap didn’t do anything wrong.”

The mock was evident in Ren’s tone, a smug grin plastered on his face as Goro reciprocated his gaze. “Guess you weren’t kidding about the whole phone thing, though- I was wondering whose cellphone fell under the stools at the counter, and it didn’t look like Sojiro knew the name of the ‘delinquent boy’ I apparently picked off the streets. You know I’m not allowed to let you in here, right? Funny that I really did pick you off the street this time.”

Goro opened his mouth in anger, but he didn’t know what to say- he had thoroughly embarrassed himself to his bones, and no matter what he’d say, it’d just end up being used as a counterargument. Stupid, stupid Akira Kurusu’s look-alike, with his stupid messy hair and his stupid grin and his- pajamas?

He seemed to be wearing casual track pants and a tight, long sleeved shirt that gave off the impression of a well-toned upper body, and oh fuck no Goro could _not_ steer into _that_ territory right now-

Ren noticed his confused stare but chose not to comment. Instead, he decided, it’d be fun to mess around with this weird, fucked-up guy a little more. “You know, you really do look like the epitome of a hot mess right now.”

“Wha-?”

“Isn’t this the same outfit you were wearing to the bar the other day? Is it your way of trying to impress me or something? Like, hands down, sure you don’t look bad, but- ‘BAD BITCH’, really? I just hope you haven’t been stalking me, you know- I’m really not into that stuff.”

“ _Excuse_ me?!” Goro would later label this conversation Goro-and-the-audacity-of-this-bitch.

Ren, however, seemed extremely nonchalant about the situation. “Yeah, see- first day in Leblanc I thought you’d be hot stuff, but then you blew up on me like a crazy maniac, talking shit about my brother. You storm out without even paying for your bill, though I heard you came to settle it today- and then you drop by Crossroads and look miserable as hell, hoping to drink your sorrows away, end up yelling at me - again- about my sweet baby brother. I mean, sure, I got a French kiss in compensation, but-“

Goro froze at the words tumbling out of the raven. Had he ended up yelling at Ren in the bar? What was this about a French kiss?

“Excuse me?”

“Dang, do you even know anything else besides those pathetic words?”

Alright, undoubtedly, Ren was taunting him, and what’s worse, it was working- Goro felt the familiar anger when dealing with Akira Kurusu bubble up, being reminded of today’s talk with Ryuji, of not being allowed to settle the debt of a bill, and he hated it, fuck, he hated it all, and if Ren was looking for a fight, he’d sure as hell get one.

Even if it devolved in some sexual territory instead of a fist fight.

“So yeah, any chance you’re obsessed with this so called ‘Akira’, feral cat? Cuz if you are, you’re kinda- well, not living a healthy life, that’s for sure.”

“You talk as much shit as your brother, you know?” Goro hissed back, sparking fury. However, that only elicited an amused laugh out of Ren, who was not backing down.

“Hmmm, I wouldn’t know- wouldn’t you know better, with the amount of time you spend focusing on him?”

 _A villain_ , Goro thought, he was dealing with a villain here, even if it was some sort of dark-Akira-Kurusu who was somehow smoking hot even in his track pants and plain shirt and messed hair and Goro wondered what it would feel like to have this villain pliant under his hands, wanting and panting and begging Goro for release and oh fuck wrong territory again, abort mission, _abort mission-_

But his thoughts were- again- written across his face plain as a board, it seemed, because Ren smirked at him, a dark glint in his eyes: “Aw, is the little stalker having dirty thoughts? Tell you what, I doubt you’re gonna let off my precious brother like that- so how about this? I offer you a free fuck with the guy who looks like him, and maybe then you’ll learn to keep your distance.”

Goro was indignant. What kind of audacity did this guy have, thinking he could order Goro around, making him look like some sort of sicko? Like the kind Goro was dealing with, usually-and if anything-

“If anything”, he almost yelled, “it’s your shitty, stupid brother who’s invading my personal space and terrorizing me and _not the other way round_ , you asshole.”

“Huh”, Ren wasn’t impressed, dropping the snapback onto the counter before turning back to Goro and-

Grabbing his wrist, roughly, way too roughly before pulling Goro in impossibly close, so close that Goro’s dripping clothes were drenching Ren’s clothes now as well, and Goro could feel Ren’s body heat, could feel Ren’s crotch pressing up against his thigh, their breaths intermingling as Ren threw him a glare before growling: “You know, I really think you just need someone to fuck your brain out so you stop being obnoxious as hell. Sex is a good way to unwind, you know? Helps you relax and releases some sort of endorphins or some shit. Could help someone as pathetic as you.”

There it was again. One more person who thought it was fine to mock Goro, to think of Goro as stuck up and obnoxious and fucked up even if it was the world that was fucked up, the people living in it, Shido, Shido, Shido, was this Shido sending one of his minions to mock him, to abuse him and add some injuries where Goro’s suit would cover the wounds and he would have to smile through the pain next time on TV like every so often, as Shido wanted him to _feel_ what it was like to disobey his orders- to dare to rise up.

The brunet suddenly felt all choked up, felt like the air was trapped in his lunges and the anger simmering in his veins seemed to explode like lava out of a volcano. It was no wonder his fist flew out, connecting with Ren’s abdomen, and there was a painful groan as Goro jumped away from Ren, horrified about what he had done as Ren clutched his stomach, his eyes painfully scrunched together.

This wasn’t about the press finding out the Detective Prince had punched someone anymore- Goro could easily cover it up by saying he defended himself from some sort of sexual harassment or something, even if it would throw a bad light on him. This also wasn’t about being called a stalker or taunted into having sex with a stranger by acting it was someone he knew.

No, no, this was just about Goro losing his shit, losing control about any kind of situation these last days, about not acting much better than Shido, about being reminded the same blood as that of an abusive bastard was running through this body and corrupting him from within like poison and Goro couldn’t even feel ashamed anymore as he collapsed onto the floor like the heap of misery he was as the world began spinning out of existence- literally and figuratively. He wasn’t aware he was sobbing, that he was wailing, quiet but definitive, burying his head in his arms, not caring he was wetting his clothes even more.

For a while, there were barely any sounds in the café as Goro lost himself in the spiral of his thoughts, but if his senses hadn’t been overly focused on keeping the warmth from sapping out of his body, he could have heard Ren tapping away on his phone. It was later, much, much later he would find out what kind of conversation Ren was having- a rather important one, really-, but for now it’d remain a mystery.

Goro was still breaking down as someone gave him a stern chop on his head, making him almost choke under the snot and tears running into his mouth as he grasped for air.

“The fuck”, he screeched in an uncharacteristically high-pitched voice, “do you-“

A towel was thrown into this face before he could continue yelling, and something else, something soft was put into his lap as he fought to throw the towel away.

“Relax, feral stray cat. It’s just a towel to dry yourself off and some clean clothes to change into. I wasn’t sure if you’re comfortable getting boxers from me- I’m pretty sure your underwear’s all soaked up- but I don’t think it should be that much of a problem to walk around without any boxers. I chopped you on the head to get you out of your panic spiral- don’t know if you heard about the psychological effect of literally shocking someone out of their panic, but yeah, guess it worked. The bathroom is kinda uncomfortably small if you want to change, but you can just go into my room and change there. I promise not to peek”, Ren added under a soft laugh.

“Your…room?” Goro had finally won the fight against the towel, and his vision was slowly coming back into focus, but he felt too ashamed to look Ren in the eyes.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I never mentioned I live upstairs in the attic. It’s rather cozy, though it doesn’t offer a lot of privacy- but it’s not like I can afford much more at the moment. Alright, enough talking.”

Goro was lifted up, but the grip on his body was much more careful than before, almost…almost as if he was something precious.

Bullshit.

“I just punched you in the gut and all you care about is getting me into dry clothes?” Goro felt dumbstruck about this guy’s quick mood-changes.

“Life’s crazy like that”, was all Ren replied to that, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

Did Goro even have any other choice but to comply? As Goro made his way upstairs- still not believing the barista was literally living in the attic of some run-down café- Ren called out after him to tell him to dump the wet clothes into a laundry basket next to the bed.

As Goro emerged into the attic, he took his time to observe his surroundings. It was actually more lived in than his own apartment, he had to admit. There was something resembling a bed placed next to a small window, as well as a rather old desk with a lot of tools scattered around. Next to the desk and the wooden chair was a creaky old couch, atop of which Ren had hung a flag featuring his favorite band, The Phantom Thieves. Next to the couch was another small desk with a run down TV- seriously, what _wasn’t_ run down here?- and an old game console was stuck to it, making Goro briefly wonder whether the console was up and running or not. Then came shelves filled with coffee bean bags, unopened boxes and other stuff crammed in between.

On the other side of the room, where the bed- and also said laundry basket- was located, were a few healthy looking plants and another shelf filled with books, and toys and other collectibles- presents, Goro assumed- strewn in between. There was even something resembling a gun, and Goro sincerely hoped it was some sort of toy (it was).

All in all, he could believe Ren was living here given the surroundings, but it was still difficult to grasp. He quickly changed out of his clothes, drying himself off and throwing the towel alongside the wet laundry into the basket before making his way downstairs again.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, really, but he was found dumbstruck again as Ren was busy cooking up what was undoubtedly curry. There was a hot drink placed on the counter next to Goro’s forgotten snapback, and Goro stood by the bathroom door, unsure of what to do. Ren quickly noticed and waved him over. “Sorry I didn’t ask if you felt like something else. I made some hot chocolate and curry in case you’re hungry.”

“What the fuck- what kind of game are you playing, Kurusu?”

Ren threw him another one of his unreadable expressions. “Nothing of the sort. Just didn’t feel like bashing someone who was suffering under a panic attack and bawling his eyes out.” “I was not-“ “You definitely were.” There was no use in arguing against Ren, Goro quickly realized, and with a sigh he sat down on one of the bar stools to sip on the hot chocolate prepared for him.

The rain outside had devolved into a storm, more than just rain clashing and fighting against the doors and windows. It didn’t seem like Goro was returning anytime soon. The hot chocolate warmed up his chilled bones, sending sparks of pleasure throughout his every being. This barista was definitely way too good when it came to reading his costumers.

Was Goro a customer, though?

“I will make sure to pay, I promise.”

Ren chuckled at that. “Don’t worry, it’s on the house this time around. You mistook me for my brother and thought I was playing some sort of prank on you, right? See, I might have a mean streak, but I don’t usually pass off as cruel.”

“So why”, Goro narrowed his eyes, awfully suspicious of the change in behavior, “are you acting all nice now, when you thought I was your brother’s stalker a few minutes ago?”

Ren sighed. “I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t ask that, but…You’re some sort of TV celebrity, right?”

Goro froze, and Ren noticed the panic creeping up his spine. He quickly added: “Don’t worry, I don’t even care for that sort of thing. To be frank, I barely watch TV. It’s just that, Futaba- a….friend of mine- she stays in contact with my brother and is more up-to-date with the news and shit. She told me- that Akira had some sort of rival he was apparently trying to befriend these days, but failing spectacularly. She just texted me because she was worried I was assaulting someone or the other way round, so I explained her everything and-“

“Why did she know about me entering this place?”

“Oh, she’s got the place bugged and supervised.”

Goro’s blood ran cold. Shit. Of course- this was still an open establishment- of course there would at least be cameras and stuff. Fuck. He couldn’t ever risk the chance of this footage leaking out.

In his head, he spun a plan- if he got on Ren’s good side, he’d probably be able to keep this Futaba-girl from leaking out what had been recorded today- and the other day when he blew up on Ren as well. His whole existence was at risk here, and he swallowed the upcoming panic away by gulping down a large sip of hot chocolate, burning his tongue.

Maybe he should try seducing Ren- after all, Ren had expressed some sort of interest in Goro before Goro had pulled the maniac card on him. Ren seemed to believe Goro had a thing for Akira anyway, so maybe it wouldn’t be that difficult to keep close to him with that excuse- especially since Ren seemed oddly protective of someone he apparently didn’t keep in contact with.

Strange.

Ren had luckily been focused on finishing the curry, not noticing Goro’s devious plan from evolving. “Yeah, so I told her to look you up on the camera and see if she recognized you or something- and she spammed me about you being some sort of TV Idol-“ “I work at the precinct while aiming for a law career.”

“Yeah, that- anyway-“ A hot, steaming plate of curry was placed in front of Goro, who immediately dove in- he was hungry after all. “She told me you’re probably the rival Akira told her about and stuff, and that I didn’t need to worry about you stalking him- that it was more like the other way round.”

Ren laughed a little at that, and Goro admitted the genuine laughter shone up his face in ways different than before. “She also said you’re probably not suffering under borderline syndrome or stuff like that, so yeah- I might…felt bad about misjudging the situation and stuff.”

“I kept telling you it was like that.” “Yeah, but come on- you yelled at me the first time we met, and held another hate speech in Crossroads- even though you were drunk. Clearly anyone would think you might…have a few screw loose.”

Goro’s face scrunched up at that. _Crossroads._ What had happened there?

“I’m…afraid I don’t remember much from that evening, besides you serving me a lot of drinks.”

“Oh.” Ren looked genuinely surprised, his eyebrows climbing up so high Goro was afraid they’d leave his face. “Oh wow. Well, I mean, you had a little something to drink, but…didn’t think your tolerance was quite this low. I said so back then, too.”

“Would you mind-?” “Oh, sure, I can tell you what happened alright.”

By the time Ren had finished, Goro’s cheeks and ears were glowing red. It was mostly due to the part where Ren explained him that they had actually French kissed- yikes.

He’d said it so _casually._

He also didn’t seem to resent Goro for calling him gay scum or slapping him for that matter. “I mean, technically neither of us asked for consent when we kissed, but…it’s cool with me if you thought ‘how dare that guy’.”

“But I did the same-“

“Yeah, but I knew I was provoking you into some shit- I was honestly expecting you to punch me, not to try and ravage my lips.” Ren laughed as Goro’s ears turned a shade darker. “It’s all cool with me, really. I don’t feel sorry for my actions, after all.” Goro remembered Ren’s words from earlier- _at least I got a French kiss out of it_.

“You seem to be, uh…a little sexually…underwhelmed?” Goro had no idea how to butter this up.

“You mean I’m horny?”

Goro choked on his drink. “I- that wasn’t what I-“ “I mean, you’re not wrong per se. It’s just, you know, I don’t get horny for anyone. Gotta rouse my attention for me to think of having sex with someone- especially when I don’t really know them.”

“So you- sleep-“ “I might fuck around a lot, but only with chosen people- that I actually take the time to get to know. Well, you seem to be an exception, though. Don’t think I’ve ever had so many complicated feelings for a guy like you in such a short amount of time.”

Kurusu had seductively wrapped himself along the counter, choosing to place his arms on the counter while resting his chin on his left hand, gazing at Goro with a smirk. Goro, pointedly, ignored the somersaults of his heart.

He tried focusing on the plate of curry, but dang, Ren’s flirting game was through the roof. Speaking of, the guy stretched himself, revealing a glimpse of naked skin that Goro _immediately_ wanted to run his tongue along. Or possibly leave a few hickeys on.

Oh dear.

He opted to busy himself with his food again, only to notice he had already finished. Well, shit. Luckily, Ren began a new conversation before things got too awkward, swooping the plate and the cup under Goro’s nose away.

“Looks like the storm’s gonna be here for a while. If you want to, we can go upstairs and kill some time- or, if you want to take a nap, you’re free to do so as well. The couch is pretty fucking uncomfortable, even after five years- so I’d recommend you take the bed from the get-go.”

Five years? Was it possible that Ren had lived here for so long? Also, would he join Goro in his bed or would he- argh, there were more important matters to take care of.

Maybe his seduction plan could begin with him roping Ren into his bed. After all, if he suddenly seemed _too_ interested in, uh, making out, Ren could grow suspicious.

“If you don’t mind…maybe I’d take you up on the offer.” Was that too ambiguous? “Of taking a nap in your bed. I’m kind of- I was a little haywired the whole day. Maybe a little rest would do me good- at least, it’d keep me from snapping at friendly baristas.” _Okay, that was too specific_. Shit.

Ren, however, only smiled understandingly. “Sure.”

They went upstairs, Goro falling into the bed rather awkwardly as Ren went to grab a book from his messy shelves, sitting down on the accursed couch, and it was then that Goro realized Ren was…actually going to give him space.

Urgh. No, this was definitely not supposed to go this way. Shit.

Besides, even if Goro wanted to sleep- this bed, if you could even call it that, was definitely more uncomfortable than sleeping on the ground- presumably. Goro’s own bed was already of bad quality, due to his low income, but this? Well. This was almost dumpster quality. And Goro knew what he was talking about, having spent nights in the dumpster.

Goro nestled under the covers, thinking of any pickup line that didn’t seem _too_ desperate. But he wasn’t as versatile in the language of love as he was in any other topic, and so he fell short on any ideas. Maybe he should go out with pointing out the obvious.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Goro’s voice seemed so small in the attics acoustics.

Ren perked up from his book. “Yeah?”

“What if you get tired? You mentioned the couch was terribly to sleep on.”

Ren had a poker face that he controlled almost as well as Goro, if not better. “Well, what’d you suggest I do?”

_Wasn’t it obvious? Arrghhhhh._

Goro would go mad if this went on. Fine. Either Ren was dense as hell, or he wanted Goro to spell everything out. The detective raised up from the bedsheets, hoping his looks matched the ‘seductive bedroom look’ or whatever else shit could turn a mystery like Ren on, growling out the next few words: “Frankly, you just offered me a free fuck, and I’d like to use it before the offer expires.”

Ren’s answering laugh shook the plants in his careful established attic-home.

“You know”, Ren said, wiping away a few tears of laughter, “sometimes, I feel like you’re hiding behind some sort of personality mask, and in the next moment, you speak your mind so clearly- the contrast is hilarious.”

“Well, excuse me if making out with you sounds more interesting than the useless attempt of finding sleep on a bed that will definitely _not_ give me the beauty sleep I deserve.” “Aw, you have beauty sleep?” Ren rose up in the same moment Goro’s heart made a few irrefutable jumps at the mocking tone of Ren’s voice.

“To me, it seemed more like you’re glad if you get any sleep at all.”

He had already crossed the way to the bed, sitting down nonchalantly next to Goro- who still had troubles controlling his heart. Fuck, what was happening? He was seducing someone, not the other way round.

“I...Sleep is a luxury I rarely get, that’s true.”

Ren leaned in closer, almost as close as he did before when he’d grabbed Goro and Goro had punched him a few moments later, and the gentle breathing caressing his ear made the brunet shiver in anticipation.

Ren’s voice was low as he murmured: “Well, how about we try curing an insomniac’s biggest problem? Honestly, I’m still pretty convinced you just need to relax. You’re way too rigid.”

Goro was surprised when two arms clasped around his shoulders. He was pulled into Ren’s direction, his head leaning against the other’s chest as two strong thumbs started rubbing circles into his back- was he going to get a massage?

“I’m not sure I understand the idea of getting a massage-“

“I told you- you think too much. Until you can shut off that brain of yours, you’re not going to get any rest.”

“But-“

“Shhhhhhhh.” The situation was still intimate, as if reuniting two domestic lovers- and Goro and Ren were probably as far away from that as the sun was from the earth. Maybe Goro would be able to flip the situation around, though. Possibly. Maybe.

_Hopefully._

Right now, Ren’s gentle humming and the gentle press of his thumbs were sadly succeeding in making Goro shut up, however. His hands travelled up and down, either pressing, circling, chopping- but they were gentle, even as Ren’s cold hands travelled under his shirt and repeated the soothing motions on skin-to-skin contact, eliciting strange noises out of Goro.

Was he actually- mewling? Oh gosh, this was more humiliating than he’d thought.

Still, it did succeed in making Goro’s brain shut up, and for a while, there was nothing else in the world except the gentle humming of Ren’s voice and the gentle kneading of his hands.

It wasn’t easy for Goro to just let go- especially not with a stranger whose intentions were as clear as the toys in a surprise box- but this was a game, a gamble, and Goro knew what was at stake and what he needed to do, so maybe that was the reason why Goro could just- let go of everything.

Ren had apparently asked him something, but Goro did not understand in his bliss, until Ren actually dared to _stop_ , the bastard, rousing protest out of Goro.

“Why are you stopping?” His head lolled back until he could look Ren in the eyes- and it wasn’t like they were particularly close, not like before, but the intensity of Ren’s eyes did _things_ to Goro that couldn’t possibly be deemed as healthy.

“I said”, Ren huffed, amused, in the deep, husky voice that had entranced Goro back when they first met, “what’s the latest time you want to be waken up? I’m sure you need to head home and change before going on about your work day or whatever.”

“Ah…”

Work. Having to think of going home, Goro tensed up, thinking of the mocking script, of a shitton of workload he hadn’t started working on because he was busy fuming, exploding with emotions, and shit, _shit,_ he was in a lot of trouble-

There was a gentle squeeze to his shoulders, and Ren pressed a kiss to Goro’s forehead, one that made Goro’s stomach flip upside down because of the sheer gentleness laid in it.

“I wasn’t telling you to start thinking again, stupid. Just tell me a time.”

“Four…four am”, Goro choked out, unable to tear his gaze away from the gentle smile grazing Ren’s face, but hoping he _could,_ or else he felt like choking on thin air- or not being able to breathe at all.

“Alright. Now go back to focusing on letting your thoughts disappear, honey.” There was gentle mirth displayed in Ren’s face, in the crinkle of his eyes, and _shit,_ even if it was all fake, even if none of this was real, Goro had never been treated this precious- this _special_ before. He didn’t want time to pass, and only now did Goro find the galls to admit that he was actually infatuated with this- this mysterious guy.

It seemed like he was in for a world of trouble.

“You’re not relaxing, honey.” Goro grumbled, the cold hands disappearing from his back, instead making him turn around to face Ren. Goro wasn’t sure if he could hold his shit together if he was confronted with the intensity of his gaze for too long, but luckily, Ren had other ideas.

“Alright, um…wow, you never told me what to call you. Or your name. That’s awkward. I’m fumbling a guy I don’t even know the name of.”

“Just…call me Goro.”

“Alright, Goro it is then. Well, Goro- close your eyes for me, will you?” “What?”

“Trust me. It’s probably better that way. You’re supposed to fall asleep here, remember?”

“No, I’m trying to-“ Ren slapped a hand over Goro’s mouth.

“Bad boys don’t get what they want, honey. Now close your eyes, come on.”

Goro heeded to the call, for once, without any new anger bubbling up in his veins. He felt himself being laid down gently into the bed, and the creeks and dips told him Ren was adjusting his position.

Suddenly, there was a new warmth behind his back, and an arm slung around his waist casually as Goro went tense under the new position- oh fuck, were they _spooning?_ Was this actually happening?

“I thought I told you to relax, man. Is it that hard to understand?”

“No, but I thought we’d-“

“Less talking, less thinking, Goro. I promise you, you’ll get your fuck sometime, but- you should really just go to sleep today.”

Uh-oh. No. Goro had to at least make Ren do _something_ so Goro could maybe-possibly guilt trip him with it later in case that Futaba woman was going to release the incriminating videos.

“You said it yourself, didn’t you? That…that sex is supposed to help you relax. So-“ Goro hoped the tremble in his voice wasn’t as obvious as he thought it was. He grabbed Ren’s arm, the one slung around his waist, and pressed it towards the-

-missing hardness of his crotch. Well. This was…alright, this was not part of the plan. He stubbornly refused to move Ren’s hand away, even as he grew all red and embarrassed upon forcing the other to keep touching his intimate area- he hoped this could possibly arouse him, but…nope.

There were short puffs of air hitting his neck, causing Goro goosebumps…was Ren actually laughing?

“You’re _clearly_ not in the mood anymore, Goro. We’ll do it another day, alright? I think I kind of know what gets you in the mood, and…domesticity and fluff are probably far off from that for now.”

“So you did this on purpose?” Goro should have been angry at this, really, and it wasn’t like he was happy his plan wasn’t working- but it was stupid, somehow, to keep pursuing his plan here. He needed to approach this from a different point of view. Besides, he’d really grown…tired, of all this. The panic had sapped him of any and all energy.

Goro flipped around, facing Ren who seemed plenty amused. “Then…”

He laid a hand on Ren’s chest, testing out the gentle beating of his heart- it wasn’t erratic. It wasn’t nervous, either. It was a perfectly normal, healthy heartbeat- which probably meant that Ren wasn’t terribly aroused, either. Goro lacked the understanding of what turned the barista on- he’d probably just embarrass himself further trying to push the subject or worse, act on it- so he’d really have to comply this time.

“I want to stay in contact. You said the owner- he thought I was some sort of drug dealer and didn’t want me to return. I want to keep eating the curry you make and the coffee you brew, and hopefully…not be pursued by crazy fangirls for a moment when I try to study. If you agree to talk to the older man about this- and give him a few apologies on top of that, whatever- then fine.”

As Goro talked on, some of his hair fell down his face, obstructing his view. He was about to push them out of his way, when a gentle touch to his face had him shivering all over again, and a lock of his hair was carefully tucked behind his ear. Ren was wearing a smile, one that should have struck Goro as fake, as disgusting, as deceptive like he always thought of people’s smiles- instead, he could read nothing the like, just…just a gentleness that downright terrified Goro.

“Sure”, Ren said, pressing a kiss onto Goro’s lips that couldn’t be described as anything else but- candy cotton level, actually. Or maybe Goro’s brain had just turned into mush from all the fluff.

Probably both.

He was pulled in closer, his head laid gently against Ren’s chest as Ren trapped him in this position similarly to before- slinging an arm around Goro’s waist before he pressed another kiss to Goro’s exposed shoulder.

“Sure”, he hummed again, against Goro’s shoulder, and Goro, stupid, stupid Goro, actually closed his eyes as he was covered in gentle kisses all across his skin, each one lulling him deeper into slumber until finally, his thoughts all turned into some sort of white, static background noise as Ren began humming an actual _song_ while engraving more kisses into Goro’s skin, as if he could write down the melody in each touch that he gave.

Well, it certainly ensured one thing:

Goro falling into the deepest, most peaceful slumber he had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screeches incoherently* LOOK I KNOW THE WHOLE CHANGE FROM GORO HATING TO GORO GROWING INTO SOFT MUSH IS A BIT FAR STRETCHED maybe BUT!!! Goro's just touch and attention starved and wants love and in a moment of weakness...he gives in.  
> Also...allowing someone to call him by his first name is a privilege he hasn't ever given anyone.  
> This is the real start of drama and conflict rising up and as you can see, Goro himself isn't an innocent victim (though he's really not good at seduction lmao) and things will continue to become fucked up....But we need to go through this, so be prepaaaared dundunduuunnn
> 
> Feed me some kudos or some comments and tell me what you think ;D


	5. Add oil to the gears; or else they go dry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: Blackmail; Threats

Well, the morning had certainly been…eventful. Or not. Depending on how you regarded the outcome.

Goro had trouble focusing in his Latin lessons, his gaze trailing to the boy sitting in front of him- resembling another one so much, and yet not at all.

The alarm of Ren’s phone had gone off at exactly 4 am, tearing both men out of their sleep. It was strange- how Goro had slept through this whole ordeal for, what, six hours straight? He wasn’t used to this luxury. He also feared the outcome of this- having to sacrifice more sleep to catch up on everything he procrastinated on today.

It was even odder, however, how Ren had blinked sleepily at him, sparing him an impossibly gentle smile that knocked Goro’s breath away.

“Hey, sleepyhead”, he grumbled, detangling himself from their intertwined positions- with mild horror Goro noticed they had been spooning throughout the whole night- Goro lying on Ren’s arm as Ren had completely engulfed him.

“Doesn’t your arm- hurt from-?” Goro couldn’t look at Ren as he rose up, whose laughter reverberated in the attic, filling the cold morning with….warmth. “Nah, I’m good. After all, I got to hold a handsome guy all night.”

Goro didn’t even need to turn around to know Ren was winking as he said that.

With disdain Goro noticed his clothes were…completely crumpled up. It had been his own fault, of course, tossing them into the otherwise empty laundry basket rather harshly, but he didn’t want to slip back into them- especially since they were still rather damp. Ren noticed quickly and came up with a suggestion.

“I can borrow you some of my clothes for your way back home. Just see it as payback, for me being able to cradle you in my arms all night long.”

Fuck, this guy had a way with words that sent Goro’s cheeks flushing every. single. time. “I can wash your clothes until then, and you can do the same. Just drop by anytime and we can swap clothes back.” “What makes you think I’d even return?” Goro asked, rather harshly. He was irritated at how…convinced Ren sounded that he’d drop by again.

There was mischief speaking out of Ren’s onyx eyes as he replied: “You proved yourself as someone who doesn’t like being in anyone’s debt. Pretty sure you’d come back to return my clothes, honey. Not that I’d mind if you kept them. You look gorgeous in them.”

He only laughed, again, when Goro threw yesterday’s towel at him.

“Besides…”

Goro was stopped on his way downstairs at the…weird shift of tone Ren’s voice had suddenly taken. “I’m pretty sure you don’t want that footage we have of you leaked. Soooooo…might be in your interest to keep me close, right?”

The bastard. The nerve of this guy. He had completely seen through Goro’s act- although his peaceful slumber certainly _hadn’t_ been faked- and Goro hissed an insult as he trampled up, no, _stormed up_ to where Ren was lying down on his bed- raking himself-, his usual poker face concealing any emotions whatsoever for Goro to read.

“You _knew_ ”, he spat, his opinion of the handsome barista roller-coasting, “you knew who I was. You were _waiting_ for me to slip up and have something to threaten me with, didn’t you? You absolute trash!”

“Says the guy who thought offering sex to me would keep my mouth shut. Honestly, I really had no idea who you are- still don’t, really. But”, Ren’s trademark grin appeared as he tucked another stray lock behind Goro’s ear- why did Goro even allow him to do that?

“Apparently, my sweet brother wishes to befriend you-has been trying so far for an unsuccessful year. That’s rather mean, don’t you think?”

“Don’t you dare-“ “Aw, come on. All I want is for you to be nice to him- though, for a sarcastic little prick like you, that’s gonna be rather hard, I bet. I suppose - don’t be a dick? You can be a dick in front of me, when you feel like unloading. In return, I’m gonna make Futaba store the material of you yelling and punching a friendly barista in the gut- somewhere no one else has access to. Do we have a deal here?”

“You’re a _bastard_ ”, Goro growled, feeling the tension Ren massaged away return tenfold.

“But you were the one who tried feeding me with sex first! Also, you shouldn’t insult Akira like that. Might look bad on you- and make his precious heart crumble.” Akira bopped Goro’s nose with his finger, as if chiding a child.

“You’re not-“ 

“Yeah, but I bet someone like you needs to practice how not to be a dick to someone else- especially given your outburst about the lunch box.”

“How do you even-“ - _know, if you don’t keep in contact? Had that also been a lie?_

Ren silenced him with a kiss- one that didn’t spark any feelings in Goro anymore- one that was just made out of spite, a means to an end.

The grin awaiting him when they broke off each other was nothing else but _ominous._

“That, my dear Goro, you keep to yourself- it’s in your best interest, after all. I’m looking forward to our friendship from now on, honey.”

They exchanged phone numbers to, as Ren explained, ‘set more rules on how this game has to be played’. As much as Goro wanted to block the incoming messages of ‘Cutest barista in all of Tokyo’- _Ren did that, I didn’t!-_ he knew he couldn’t. Not with the threat of his impeccable picture being shredded into pieces.

Goro was allowed to tell Akira his twin brother urged the brunet to befriend him. As well as add any other elaborate lies to make his story more believable. Ren also allowed him to continue being his mean self- it would seem very suspicious, after all, if Goro had a complete change of personality in front of Akira one day to another- but anything bordering out of their seemingly ‘healthy’ friendship had to be kept under covers.

In turn, Ren promised his utter silence to any and all things concerning Goro, and Goro- well, he was ensured his Detective Prince persona was kept safe and sound.

_It’s just another fake role to play_ , he kept telling himself, _just another mask to add to my other public personas._

Except that this time around, it had been a lot of fuckups that lead to this extra barrage task. Fuck this, honestly. Next time he saw Ren, he’d punch him again. He was allowed to.

_“After all”,_ Ren had texted, _“I don’t want you blowing up on Akira, but seeing as you’re a kettle waiting to boil over, you need some place or a person to let loose and unhinge.”_

Again, Ren was an asshole too smart for this world. Of course, Goro would only dig himself a deeper hole if he did truly did let loose- but somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to care much.

His life was beyond fucked up anyway.

As Goro mentally traced back his conversation with Ren yesterday, he wondered if Akira had lied to him about not keeping in contact with Ren. After all, how else would he have dropped the subject of the infamous lunchbox incident? Goro didn’t believe Akira was as cunning- or even as fucked up- as Ren. He just…seemed to dumb for all the schemes Ren had pulled yesterday, lulling him into a sense of security and then revealing his true intentions. He wasn’t any better than Shido- heck, he might be worse.

But then again, he didn’t take Goro up on his offer to fuck him. Which was…odd. Really. Goro understood all of Ren’s other actions- a trick to lull him in- but that? Was Goro that unattractive to him, or why had he declined the offer? Wouldn’t it have helped controlling and blackmailing Goro even more, as he’d have porn material on ‘gay Akechi Goro’?

No matter how much Goro wracked his brain about it, he couldn’t find a satisfactory answer. Not that it mattered- he had other issues to deal with. Namely, having to befriend the mussy haired nerd in front of him.

After his rather unfriendly tantrum in front of Akira and his friends, he wasn’t sure if Akira wanted anything to do with him. However, Goro didn’t see the point in apologizing. He wasn’t here to make friends, after all, and if anyone wanted anything to do with him, they’d have to put up with his prickly nature. Except that now he was _forced_ to make friends- with Akira at least.

Maybe Goro could try turning the game around. If seducing Ren didn’t work, maybe it would work on Akira instead? Maybe he could make him fall for Goro, revealing the terrible scheme Ren had procured in the background, making Akira lose faith in love and turning his back on his cruel, scheming brother-

Yeah, maybe that could work.

Akira didn’t turn around in his seat during the lesson. Ren hadn’t specified when their ‘friendship’ had to start, and since Goro was plenty busy for daring to sleep, he decided to put Mission ‘Seduce Akira Kurusu’ onto a later date for now. Part of him hoped that Akira would reach out himself- it would seem less unnatural if Goro followed up on that, after all.

Lo and behold, as he studied his stupid script for the TV show happening in- exactly five days, shit, he’d miss out on lessons _again_ , a random girl- there were too many fangirls for Goro to keep track of, honestly- showed up on behalf of Akira Kurusu.

The guy was as bad at giving up as his brother was at scheming.

She seemed of rather dignified aura- her black, long hair was smooth and shiny, evidence of good care. Her uniform wasn’t out of order at all, quite the opposite- it was almost as immaculate as Goro’s, and even her speech pattern was of a rather educated one. She cleared her throat to gain Goro’s attention- not that it was necessary, as they were the only ones in the room and her entrance had already raised Goro’s attention- before she spoke up softly, but determinedly: “You must be Goro Akechi, I assume?”

Goro almost laughed at that. So many people claiming they didn’t know him- was this a new trend?

“Yes, indeed, that I am. Do you have any business with me? I’m afraid I can’t return your feelings if this is about another love confession, though I am thankful for your support and love.”

“Err…” The girl seemed rather confused. “No…”

She pulled out a rather familiar looking box. “This…Akira prepared this for you, but he seemed to be unsure whether you wanted it or not. He didn’t want to force himself onto you, so he wanted to throw this away, but…I told him not to. I volunteered to deliver it to you, as he claimed you weren’t going to be happy seeing him at all.”

What a perfect opening. Goro let his mouth fall into a surprised ‘o’, before he scrunched his eyebrows and acted all dejected.

“I…think I hurt him, the other day. It was rather shameful of me, really. I do appreciate this-“ he carefully accepted the lunch box, showing off what he hoped was a sad smile, “-and, well…”

Frankly, Goro had no damn idea what else to say. He never apologized. He didn’t even know how to be aware of anyone else’s feelings, really- and he didn’t fucking know how to keep this conversation going.

An awkward silence befell the room, and Goro begun to panic. What the hell was he supposed to say now?

Thankfully, the girl broke the silence, a small smile tugging on her lips. “It’s a good thing you realized that- whatever this whole ordeal is about, really. Akira was rather tight-lipped about it. However, I’m not the one you should be telling this.”

Goro sighed theatrically. “I’m well aware, but I just can’t catch a break these days. If you could…tell him my regards, and that I’ll try to reach out as soon as I can. What was your name again?”

She smiled amicably now. “Hifumi Togo. Call me Hifumi- anyone who’s a friend of Akira’s is mine as well.”

_Urgh. What good acting skills, really._

“Alright then, Hifumi- thank you for delivering this.”

“No problem.” She bowed gracefully- Goro was honestly surprised at the amount of grace she exuded. She didn’t seem like someone who would fit into those…frock of idiots, really.

Well, luckily she left the room before it could give Goro any more headache.

He took out his phone, drafting a short text message he soon sent out to a vile version of Akira Kurusu.

_Me (12:20): I will attempt to reconcile with him in the next few days._

There was a short period before his phone buzzed alive.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (12:37): good_

Things would not be all ‘good’ once Goro and Ren broke Akira’s fragile heart.

But it wasn’t like Goro knew what was waiting for him in the future, either.

***

Goro had an even better plan on how to express his ‘sincere apologies’- the script for the TV show allowed him a bit of a leeway when it came to certain questions, like “What’s most important to you?” or “Is there anything else you want to say?” The TV show was more to entertain his female audience than to make an impression as a real detective- of course, Shido needed that female support- and as long as he didn’t stretch it too far, Goro always answered some questions off script.

So on the day of the filming, when they had finally gone through the most tedious questions, Goro finally had a chance to ‘set things straight’.

“Alright, Mr. Detective Prince- is there anything you’d like to add to our plethora of questions? Anything about your private life- your love interest, mayhaps?”

All these people, laughing alongside Goro and the TV show host- and yet none of them knew that the Goro displayed in front of him was naught but lies- it was sad.

Though one person had immediately been able to call him on his bullshit.

Another lie would be added now, as Goro scrunched his eyebrows and dropped his gaze, flashing a sorrowful expression. It caught the interest of the host immediately. “Oh? Was that a sad expression on your face?” Goro laughed- he hoped it came off as nervous as he wanted it to, not the empty, soulless laugh he was actually expressing: “I’m…well, this might the wrong place to say this, really.” “Oh? Oh oh oh?”

The host snagged the bait like a hungry shark waiting for its food.

Obviously.

“I’m afraid it’s nothing exciting like a love interest, sadly. It’s just that…I had a bad day the other day, I admit- and I was rather rude to someone attempting to serve me a rather generous gesture. I was heartbroken, in hindsight, on how much I hurt that person- it wasn’t in my interest, and to be frank, I don’t know how to make it up. I have been racking my brains about it for days now.” Goro scratched the back of his head, unsure whether this fit into the sparkling Detective Prince persona he usually gave off.

There were no grounds to be worried, however. The host almost jumped out of her seat in excitement. “Oh dear, our sparkling Detective Prince feeling bad? Not being able to solve an issue right away?! Making a mistake- making him more human? Oh dear! I think we can all agree that we have those days, really- I doubt the person will be very resentful if you apologize to him as wholeheartedly as you have to our audience, correct?”

The audience was screaming- _urgh, these imbeciles-_ agreeing in excitement and chanting to hear more.

“I’m afraid our story time is over, sadly, dear guests- however, we were able to glimpse a more human side of up-and-coming Detective Prince Goro Akechi today! Aren’t you all excited?! Don’t you think it’s adorable?! Hopefully, we will have the opportunity to delve into this another time!”

_Over my dead body._

Goro silently rolled his eyes as he made his way back to his changing room, hoping today’s show and another heart-to-heart apology would help him ‘amend’ his relationship with Akira Kurusu.

Shido seemed to be pleased with his performance as well. _I told you baiting people for pity would be helpful.,_ he said. _Good job._

Goro sneered at that, almost destroying his phone as he sent it flying through the room.

He was surprised when a little while later- he was stuck on some work of the precinct- his phone vibrated again, indicating a new message.

Of course he had been counting on Ren to see the show- but after he had claimed not to know about the brunet, Goro hadn’t known how high chances were he’d pick up on him afterwards.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (21:09): Funny act today. Why does no one ever bother to call you out on your bs?_

_Me (21:10): Not my fault people are gullible as hell._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (21:11): Right. Well, I don’t really care how many people you fuck with._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (21:11): You know you shouldn’t fuck with Akira, though._

Of course Ren wouldn’t care. It seemed like the only fucking person on the planet that mattered was Akira. How could someone be as fiercely protective as Ren was about his brother? Was it a twin thing?

Despite his attempt of denying it, Goro had to admit he was strangely jealous. No one had ever bothered to care about him so much they’d ended up blackmailing someone else to ensure his safety. Or his happiness.

_Me (21:15): I don’t understand how you feel this protective about Akira. You don’t even keep in contact, officially._

_Me (21:15): Though you always know exactly what’s going on with him. Sure you’re not the stalker here, not me?_

For a while, there was silence.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (21: 54): I don’t expect you to understand. Stick to your own business._

Hmpf. Seems like Goro won this round of a verbal fight- with no questions answered in the least. No matter- he was busy enough for the rest of the evening.

He opened the lunch box he had received prior to the evening, anticipating some mocking message. Instead, he was greeted with a rather delicious smelling lunch- it included glass noodles mixed with vegetables, and it didn’t include any broth. However, as soon as Goro took a bite of the noodles mixed with sauce, there was a barrage of attacks on his culinary senses. Akira must have mixed in coconut water to enrichen the flavor, making any sort of broth unnecessary, actually endangering to destroy the carefully crafted taste if he did.

How stupid. He’d have his heart broken by the very same guy he was desperately hoping to feed- in an attempt of what must surely be pity.

***

Finally Goro had had a short interval of time to breathe- or, in his case, time to try and repair a relationship- if you could call it that sort. He couldn’t be sure whether Hifumi carried on how ‘sorry’ he felt, or if one of Akira’s friends- preferably he himself- had seen the recording of a few days ago.

No, it was on him to walk up and find Akira, chatting amicably along his friends in the ping pong area.

To Goro’s delight, as he approached said area, the space was empty safe for Akira and Hifumi. The latter was packing her things and had bid a quick goodbye as she gracefully made for an exit, acknowledging Goro with a slight nod of her head. 

Akira was looking at Goro like a deer in headlights, making Goro question whether this was a smart idea or not. When they were close enough to talk, Akira jumped off the table, still observing Goro carefully.

Alright. Goro was prepared. He could do this. Luckily, one of his stupid fangirls had cornered him today and given him some expensive chocolate that, for the love of his life, would Goro neither be able to afford nor eat.

But it was the perfect make-up present.

At least, that’s what the internet told him.

Goro cleared his throat, the silence unnerving him as Akira fidgeted around. “I…came to return this.” He whipped out the lunch box- funny how he always finished ‘lunches’ in the middle of the night.

“And…this.” Goro added the chocolate box into Akira’s free hand, shying away from his gaze. “I…must apologize for my behavior the other day. It seems we came off the wrong foot, and…you weren’t anything but friendly in your advances. However, you always seem to catch me in the wrong time, and uh-“

“Is this for me?”

Akira stared at the chocolate as if someone had murdered his entire family. It wasn’t exactly the lovestruck face Goro had anticipated or hoped for. _That_ would have made things much easier. This? This was veering out of predictable territory.

“Yes?”

Both of Akira’s eyebrows shot up, putting away both items onto the table. “Um, Akechi, are you, like…okay?”

“Excuse me?” Oh no. Goro felt his patience running thin. This guy was just supposed to shut up and accept his stupid makeup present and then stupidly fall in love.

“I just mean…” Akira’s eyebrows scrunched in concentration. “We’ve been rivals for a year. I’ve been trying to befriend you for so long, and now you suddenly show up after being- fine, horrendously mean in comparison to other days. And so against the idea of us being friends. Now you buy me chocolate? Look, I _know_ how prickly you are. You’re just putting up some sort of act again- for whatever reason and like…This wasn’t what I wanted to hear? Besides…you _never_ apologize for being haughty- I mean, part of that pride is reason I like you- but this? Chocolate? _For me?_ This is…completely out of character. I- I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you- I just…give me some time to think about this?”

Goro was rendered speechless.

Akira Kurusu.

Akira Kurusu had _dared_ to reject him? What the _fuck_ was going on here? He knew from Ren that Akira couldn’t possibly know about their deal- knowing Akira, he’d probably delete that incriminating material and try to befriend Goro for real- but this? This was ridiculous. Beyond understanding. Just- madness.

Pure madness.

Goro would have laughed if he remembered what it was like to procure such a sound. Akira, meanwhile, quickly packed his stuff, his face a bright red, and he took off to leave- or more like run away. Who knew at this point what the raven was attempting to do.

Apparently, Goro had been miscalculating Akira Kurusu from the beginning.

The anger of being rejected- _again-_ and the fact that he didn’t even know _why_ infuriated him more than if Akira had told him to beg for forgiveness. Surely, a blood vessel had popped, for the warmth flooding the detective’s body was not one of happiness- but one of pure, concentrated rage.

He whipped out his phone, smashing the keyboard in as he sent Ren a message.

_Me (13:34): If you don’t come out to meet me tonight, I’m gonna smash a pretty face today._

_Me (13:34): And if you don’t offer, Akira will suffer._

The reply came almost immediately afterwards.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:34): LMAO YOU FUCKED UP BIG TIME_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:35): I have a shift at crossroads 2nite. Come see me at 11pm there._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:36): Drinks on me ;) p sure u need some after that rejection LOL_

The infamous bar where Goro had already created a fuss in. Was he even allowed back in? Also, should he question why on earth Ren had already gotten wind of the situation? Had he planted bugs all around the campus? He really couldn’t underestimate that punk. But then again, he hopefully hadn’t planted bugs on Goro’s phone-

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:37): I assume you’re freaking out about how I know. Akira’s phone’s bugged_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:39): So don’t panic. I’ll explain later._

Interesting. So Ren checked up on Akira by _literally_ invading his privacy and violating human rights?

Wow.

Goro was both shocked and impressed. At least he wouldn’t have to doubt the fact that the twins truly didn’t keep in contanct- no one would pull such drastic measures if they were on good terms.

Shido would.

But it wasn’t like Goro had a terribly good relationship with him, either.

Anyway, the whole situation was more than just bizarre. Goro was glad he wasn’t the one being bugged- but he still needed to fetch a plan together to buy a new phone, just in case. You never knew, after all.

And also…the only clothing that didn’t make him stick out like a sore thumb if he went out drinking at night were over at Ren’s place. Great.

_Me (15:00): I’m afraid I don’t have any casual clothes to dress up in. How do you propose I sneak in?_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:02): Texting during lessons? Naughty ;)_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:03): Bs. You still have my clothes. Just remove your make up and tie your hair’n shit_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:04): it’ll be fine then._

_Me (15:09): I don’t wear makeup._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:15): Ofc. And the makeup stain on your t-shirt? That from a tryst or what?_

_Me (15:20): Fine. Why did you turn my shirt inside out?_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:35): Wanted to remember your smell ;)_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:37): jk I wanted to check for additional stains_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:37): Wait this means_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:38): you didn’t wash off your make up when you slept with me._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:38): That’s rly bad for ur skin. And such a shame, bcs what pretty skin it is??_

_Me (15:45): You sound like a leech. Stop before I call sexual harassment services._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:46): To what? Warn them from yourself?_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:46): Don’t forget you were desperate on picking my joke of a quick fuck up for real_

Urgh. This man really wanted to push all off Goro’s buttons, didn’t he? Most importantly, he was even succeeding, the bastard.

The twins sure had that thing in common: riling Goro up and driving him crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it blackmail if you and your enemy constantly try to one up another with more material or is that just a friendly competition? Is it wrong Goro still pines for the bastard?  
> Yes to both.  
> Is that gonna stop Goro? No way in hell lol.
> 
> This chapter introduces the first chat conversations, and since I'm still an absolute loser when it comes to using ao3, I didn't use work skins to make the chats look cooler. I hope they're still...cool enough. I also found it more authentic to strew in abbrevations, spelling errors and the like in the chat features. Goro will always attempt to use proper and neat grammar and only start not doing that when he loses his shit for real. I hope it doesn't disturb the flow of reading whenever you stumble upon mistakes because they're going to be on purpose. Also, how do you like the formatting? Is it too much space between the text flow and the chat messages? I want to accentuate there are messages flowing in and out which is why there's soooo much space...but I don't know if that's a bit too much. It looks mushy if I don't create that much space, tho? Tell me your thoughts!
> 
> Also, is the impact of the scene big enough? I don't know if using a flashback was able to accentuate the twist in the scene, so I might rewrite this....Someday lol. 
> 
> Goro getting dunked by Akira really didn't really sit well with him at all- he never thought the nerd had the audacity HAHA.
> 
> The next scene is going to be featuring Ren more actively again, and oh boy. Boy buckle up for second-hand embarrassment because Goro is going to make you cringe.
> 
> As always, sorry for my ramblings- and thanks for kudos and comments!


	6. This is an act, they said, this is a game; yet he who wants it all the same, is he a fool?

Luckily, the day passed rather quickly, without any further incidents souring Goro’s already bad day. Begrudgingly, he changed into Ren’s borrowed clothes and made his way to Crossroads- actually taking off his make-up and tying his hair in a ponytail.

He wasn’t trying to seduce Ren anymore with the ploy of showing up in his clothes. It’d be pointless. But he needed some sort of costume to get by in the night.

The night was always lively in Shinjuku, almost more than the day, and if you wanted, you could just be one face among the masses, forgotten and seen by no one. That’s why Goro loved living here- it provided him as much anonymity as living in Tokyo as a semi-TV Idol could offer. Crossroads was a fifteen minute walk from his apartment, and Goro felt rejuvenated as the cold air of the night tried calming the blood boiling in his veins. It couldn’t possibly tame the whirlwind of feelings raging inside Goro, but it was a good attempt nevertheless.

He hesitantly pushed the door open, afraid he’d be thrown out after his last visit caused quite a stir. None of the like happened, though, and the sweet smell of alcohol ambushed his nose as he scanned the establishment.

It was eerily empty, but it’d provide more privacy, which was favorable. Goro’s favorite barista was already standing at the counter, the same get-up he had been wearing last time- a long sleeved white collar shirt, and sinful black pants that stuck to Ren’s legs so tightly Goro wondered how long it must have taken for him to get in those.

But he stopped wondering when he remembered what an ass Ren was.

_Ass?_

_No, Goro, stop!_

“Welcome, dearest customer.”

“Cut the bullshit”, Goro snapped, grabbing the drink Ren placed in front of him. He heard Ren snigger in response.

“Alright, then let’s get right down to business. You really thought a cute apology alongside a box of chocolate _wouldn’t_ make Akira suspicious? I mean, you sure _act_ like the epitome of a gentleman, but everyone who dealt with more than your neat’n slick TV persona knows you’re pretty much full of rage.”

Ren leaned on the counter, placing his elbows on the rough, polished wood and settling his chins into his hands, an amused smile appearing on his face. “Besides, I think you’re underestimating Akira a little. He’s not as dumb as you probably think he is.”

“Says the guy who thinks he has to bug his twin’s phone to, what, keep an eye on him? You’re contradicting yourself here, Kurusu.”

Goro took a big gulp of the drink placed in front of him. It was something sweet, like a cranberry soda drink, but there was definitely alcohol mixed in it.

“Melon ball”, Ren tossed in nonchalantly, “Midori, orange juice and- Vodka. Definitely needed after today. The drink’s not too strong, though, so you can sip as much as you want. Also…you mentioned you loved sweets on that laughable thing of a TV act. I hadn’t expected that. But since your TV persona’s full off bullshit…” Ren’s voice trailed off.

So Ren _had_ seen him on TV. “You prepared a sweet drink, just to spite me? Ha, jokes on you, Kurusu, as I _do like_ sweets.” Goro took another gulp from the rather well-crafted drink.

He belatedly realized that Ren had never properly introduced himself, so he didn’t even know whether he wanted to be called Kurusu or not. Because if he didn’t, Goro would make sure to repeat his last name in every sentence.

For now, he knew nothing.

“Whatever.” Ren rolled his eyes. “I just hope you clean up your mess, and properly apologize to Akira this time around.”

“Speaking of- how _dare_ that imbecile reject my carefully crafted plan like that! Also, let me confirm this again- you _bugged_ your twin’s phone? That’s a fucked up story if I ever heard one- and I heard a lot of fucked up stories.” _Mostly that of my own life._

Ren sighed. “It wasn’t a real choice, it was a necessity. He just has this tendency of getting himself into bad business-“ the glance thrown towards Goro was definitely deliberate “-so I worry about him. A lot.”

“I can see that, seeing as you _bugged his phone._ What the fuck, Kurusu?”

“Hey, I try to protect him from people like you messing with him. And I don’t make it a habit to overhear his conversations or something. I just started listening in when I noticed you were approaching him.”

Huh. That threw up even more questions- how did Ren even know Goro had been approaching Akira? And did Ren only overhear conversations, or was he able to read Akira’s text messages as well? Why did they not keep in contact, when both seemed to care for the other, and Ren used other dubious tricks to keep himself updated on Akira’s life?

Ren’s reply seemed nonchalant, but it was carefully crafted- only giving away as much information as Ren wanted to give away.

“Well, at least I know a dirty secret of yours as well, now.” Goro felt smug.

Ren snorted. “That’s not even comparable to a guy who acts all sweet and makes all the women swoon while on TV, when, in truth, he’s a complete ass who really needs to get some aggression control training. Or something to let his rage out on. Or maybe you need a pet? Seriously, why do you even incorporate that much hate in you, Goro? That can’t be healthy.”

Goro only tched. “The world is fucked up, and if anyone’s dumb enough to fall for my acting, that’s on them. As if I care. Besides, you’re not one to talk, blackmailing my reputation with your shitty recording. Is this place being filmed as well? Are you gathering more material as we speak? Well, enjoy yourself. Not like my life could get any- or hold that thought, it always can.”

Goro continued sipping on his drink- already not remembering its name- while Ren observed him silently. For a while, Ren served a few costumers strolling in and out, and Goro, forgetting the time, kept on sipping various drinks. They could be drugged, poisoned, heck, there could be shit in them that was not healthy- but Goro couldn’t bring himself to care.

Weird.

Odd.

He stopped questioning his actions when it came to the twins.

Searching for a proper answer would only drive him mad.

It had gotten late, and while Goro’s brain wasn’t as fuzzy as it had been a few nights prior, it still thrummed pleasantly- maybe he could get in some sleep. The owner had also come back, throwing a curious glance towards Ren and his lone costumer.

“Mhmmm, boys, you know you shouldn’t stir up any trouble in my establishment, right?”

The man was still dressed as eccentric as Goro remembered him to be. On his way to some backdoor, he gave Ren a slight smack on the shoulder. “Don’t actively provoke my costumer if you know it will get them riled up. You’re supposed to _listen_ to their worries, not evoke more.” Goro snorted at that.

However, the owner had something to say to him as well. “And you”, he said, pointing a manicured finger in his direction, “so long as you don’t pick any fights…anonymity is always secured here. Even if this little bartender lies about it. I don’t risk my bar’s reputation and its teaching for some frivolous fight- or game.”

Goro blinked. He wasn’t going to accept what the owner was spouting at face value, but Ren did look vaguely intimidated. Maybe he really didn’t have to worry about any additional recordings in this bar as long as he didn’t stir up any trouble.

Though trouble seemed to follow him everywhere these days.

Namely, the twins.

“Alright Lala, we get it. Thanks for your advice”, Ren commented wryly, evoking a snarl out of him.

“I want you two to leave, now. It’s late enough already and both of you have a long day ahead.”

Well, Goro certainly had, but what about Ren?

It occurred to Goro that he didn’t know anything about the raven with the musky hair and the stubborn pebbles on his chin.

He threw a glance- more like a long stare, as he didn’t really notice the difference in his intoxicated state- towards Ren, who was already making his way around the counter. In turn, he responded Goro’s long stare with an equally curious one, tilting his head ever so slightly-

_Shit, after all the bullshit he pulled, you’d think I wouldn’t think he’s hot anymore, but it looks like my stupid hormones won’t listen._

“Do you live close?” Ren asked, as the two entered the vibrant streets of Shinjuku- less crowded than before, but lively as ever.

Goro glared at him. “What do you want to know for?” “So I know whether next time, when you decide to trash yourself, I can serve you strong drinks - or not. Like I said, I know you don’t think much of me- but I certainly don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s death. I feel bad about the night I let you drink two of the semi-hard drinks, so…yeah. Besides, you know where I live.”

“In an attic.”

“Yeah.”

Goro sighed. “About a fifteen minute walk from here. I can get there by myself, though if I lose all my orientation skills…it might be difficult for me to find my way back.”

Ren hummed pleasantly. As Goro glanced down on himself, an idea occurred to him. “You could walk me back, if you want to. I could give you back your clothes that way.”

The barista and bartender raised an eyebrow. “You’re wearing them.”

“Just because you’re washing my clothes doesn’t mean I’m gonna do the same for you.”

Goro crossed his arms, as Ren threw back his head and laughed loudly into the thrumming night. “Alright, you got me interested. Fine.”

“You don’t mind that you have a long day ahead tomorrow?” Goro carefully prodded, wondering whether he’d get another vague answer as they made their way towards Goro’s flat- a vicious plan sneaking into Goro’s intoxicated brain.

“No”, Ren replied, “it’s just my usual shift at the supermarket, and then the flower shop, and then the shift at Leblanc. Gotta earn that money from somewhere, right?”

_So, no real education, but a series of…a lot of diverse part time jobs? Alright. Weird._

“That’s a lot of work. You could rival me when it comes to that- almost. If you were in education.”

Ren only smirked. “Good thing I’m not. Wouldn’t last a minute.”

Goro wasn’t so sure about that. Although their relationship was far from a healthy one, Goro was quite sure Ren’s cunningness and intelligence weren’t just a fake act. In fact, the more Goro thought about it, the weirder it seemed that someone as smart as Ren wasn’t participating in higher education.

Unless he wasn’t _able_ to- some reason to keep him out, to make sure he wouldn’t end up in any college throughout the whole country, instead keeping him chained to a chain of low-paying part time jobs.

Those jobs, at least the barista and the bartender one, he seemed to excel at, however.

“Pardon the question, but why on earth do you need so much money? I understand best living in Tokyo requires a lot of money- but you…you don’t seem to be a very fiscal person, with your clothes being a non-brand and living in an attic. And now you’re not even in education, which is probably the most expensive out of all things here. It seems odd to me.”

There was an eerie silence between the two men, and Goro didn’t even expect Ren to answer anymore, when all of a sudden, he spoke up: “It’s for Akira. You’re studying the same shit, right? Well, those law books don’t pay themselves as you might now- and then he also needs a little money to spend his free time on, right? I send it to him, monthly. Though, as far as I know- he thinks it’s coming from our parents. Not that I mind- I doubt he’d use the money if he knew it was coming from me.”

There were a million more questions thrown out with every fact that Goro got to know about Ren and his relationship to Akira. Financial support? For what reason? Why wouldn’t Akira accept the money if it wasn’t coming under their parent’s name under pretense?

But there was no way Goro would receive a proper reply to these questions. After all, in the end- he was just an outsider.

Neither of the boys minded the silence falling upon them for the rest of the way, before the familiar building Goro both loved and hated came into vision. “I live on the second level, though it’s noteworthy to mention there are currently no other occupants living here.”

“Oh? How come?”

“Like I know.” Goro shrugged his shoulders, fishing out the keys to his apartment. “I’m just glad to have my peace.” “Mhm.”

Goro entered his apartment, bidding in the raven afterwards. They discarded their shoes in the entryway, and Goro lead the short way into the living room which also functioned as his bedroom. He had a small couch next to a Kotatsu- one he spent many a nights working on- and beside his bed the place was…empty, safe for a self-built shelf filled with a few books Ren threw a curious glance at.

“You should sit on the bed”, Goro suggested, his heart thundering in his chest at the ridiculous, _ridiculous_ idea he had. “The couch is probably as comfortable as the one in your attic.” “Mhmmm, I see. Not a nice experience to have.” “Not at all.”

Ren plopped himself onto the bed, looking rather content. “So, should I just wait here until you change?”

“No, you’re supposed to watch.”

“What?”

Snatching his opportunity in the moment of confusion, Ren let out a surprised yelp as Goro planted himself directly onto his lap, straddling him- deliberately- as best as he could.

“I said”, Goro hissed, “you’re supposed to _watch_ , or else you won’t be getting your clothes back.”

The look of irritation and sounds of protest he received in return fueled the simmering anger Goro had saved all day long.

“Unless you want me to relieve my anger out on your sweet brother, Ren, you better comply.”

If Goro wasn’t as drunk as he was- lightweight, really- he’d have thought twice of his proposal- after all, Ren could always just release the footage he had to the media if Goro didn’t behave. But Goro didn’t think about that- he just thought about messing as much with the twins as they were messing with him.

Ren shut up almost immediately. But only almost.

“The anger relief was supposed to be a punch in my face, not of sexual nature…but fine. Do your worst, Goro.”

 _I will,_ Goro thought, missing the irony of his statement entirely.

He’d show Ren what being used as a puppet felt like- all the anger and hate and misfortune he wanted to spread he’d let loose, all the things he held back because _aw, boo,_ _don’t hurt my precious little brother._

_Stupid fake affections._

_It’s not like something like love truly exists in this world- something that would drive a man so far as to delve into borderline illegal territory just in an attempt to protect someone’s innocence._

_Somewhere,_ Goro was sure, _somewhere is the true motive for Ren’s fucked up actions, and it will be for his own gain, not for Akira’s._

“I’m not letting you fuck me”, is what he hears instead as he comes back to reality. Goro sneered at the statement.

“Thanks, but we’ll see after this if you can hold that promise.”

“Sure”, Ren growled, the same animalistic tone he had used when Goro had yelled at him in the bar, “give it your best shot.”

Oh, Goro would.

His fingers tugged at the seam of his shirt- Ren’s shirt- as he stripped himself off of his shirt as languidly and tantalizing as possible, rutting his bottom against Ren’s pelvic area, while maintaining their intense stare off.

He carelessly threw the textile to the ground, exposing his naked skin to the cold air of his apartment. Ren, however, seemed unperturbed, beckoning Goro to ‘go on’.

_Stupid, insolent idiot, I’ll have you crying and begging under me in no time._

While it had been easy to get rid of his shirt, his bottom seemed to prove more of a problem. He had to raise upwards from his straddle, loose the belt, open the zippers and slowly push Ren’s former trousers down. He hoped he was being as suave as the porn actors he had accidently once witnessed on TV as a young child- but under the scrutinizing gaze of Ren, he felt more like a child throwing a tantrum and trying to gain an adult’s attention.

And oh-so-failing devastatingly.

When he was about to rid himself of his boxers, the last thing keeping him from straddling Ren completely naked- feeling not-so-sexy at all-, someone got ahold of his wrist as he was tugging the shitty material down, and swatted his hands away.

“That’s enough”, Ren sighed, sounding oddly disappointed. “What exactly are you trying to prove, Goro?”

As if Goro knew that.

Frankly, as the intoxicating effect of the alcohol lost its hold on Goro’s brain, he was stunned into silence. It was the first time in his life he didn’t have a witty answer. No, some part of his brain- of his heart- knew exactly what infuriated Goro so much about this man. And funnily, it was not that the raven was blackmailing him.

In a way, Ren had first reminded Goro of Shido- of the ruthless way of tricking Goro with kindness, into making him falsely believe there was some good out there before kicking him down harshly out of this dream, making Goro lose all belief in the world.

But there was a definite difference between the two- one that was extremely important. Shido was never acting out of his own self-interest, out of what served _him_ best, what served _his goals-_ while Ren here?

Goro had yet to hear what he _didn’t_ do for his brother. He blackmailed a TV idol because Akira wanted to be friends with him. He bugged his phone to keep him out of danger- certainly questionable, all right, but they couldn’t keep in contact for whatever reasons there were. Now Goro found out Ren was literally juggling who knows how many part-time jobs to _pay_ for his brother’s education- the latter didn’t even seem to be _aware_ of that fact. It certainly didn’t add any sympathy points on Akira’s page in Goro’s brain.

Really, Goro wouldn’t even be surprised at this point if Ren went to jail for Akira.

Funny how close to the truth that drunk thought would turn out to be.

The question that bugged Goro in all this- this weird, messy story was: why? Why why why? Why on _earth_ was Ren going so far for his biological twin? What had Akira ever done to deserve such unconditional affection?

Why didn’t Goro ever receive this kind of love? This affection, even a spurt of it? Why had the world kicked him and tortured him and hurt him as a child, throwing him from foster home to foster home, with new hopes rising up of someone showing him a little bit of affection, a little bit of love- only to be inevitably disappointed again? Why did people like Akira Kurusu shine like the sun and effortlessly gathered everyone’s attention, while Goro had to stuck up living with a fake mask to even gain half the affection Akira lived with- with no one even bothering to see the real him?

The ones that did- the only ones on earth being the twins, or really, Ren more than Akira- they clearly weren’t interested in him either. But how could they, when Goro was as lovable as his petty father, when his existence had never, ever brought forth happiness- for anyone? When not even the ones who were supposed to love him biologically could- his mother having committed suicide from an early age, abandoning Goro to his fate?

“You’re crying.”

Goro’s spiraling cloud of thoughts was torn apart at the sound of Ren, slicing his thoughts like a sharp gust of wind destroying a stack of papers. Goro couldn’t detect any sympathy in it- couldn’t even hear pity- it was as if Ren was making a careful observation from far away.

The raven rose a hand towards the tears running down Goro’s face, attempting to wipe them away, and it was then that Goro lunged forward, smashing their lips together in another kiss.

Needless to say, it wasn’t reciprocated- Ren didn’t protest, or made any attempt to push him away, but…there was no spark in the kiss, no tension resolved or created as Goro leaned back.

“I want this”, he heard himself wail, pathetically, as more tears ran down his cheeks, “I want you.”

A feather light touch to Goro’s face wiped away some of his tears- but Ren’s face remained impassive.

“No, you don’t. You’re just lying to yourself to make yourself feel better, Goro. Snap out of it.”

Instead of reassuring him, the denial in his face riled Goro up even more. “No”, he protested, feebly, as he was pulled into an embrace- one that smelled like coffee and aftershave “As if you know what I want- shut the hell up- as if you knew- as if you could read my thoughts”, Goro’s voice rose, until he was yelling- yelling into the chest of Ren’s warm, warm body “-as if anyone would know-“

“You’re right”, Ren mumbled, caressing Goro’s hair gently, running soothing motions up and down on Goro’s back like so many nights ago- except that this time around, there were no cams, there was no merit- and Goro listened to the steady heartbeat of the raven as he kept yelling into his chest about how unfair the world was, about how no one understood him, about how pity and love and understanding could all go to hell- about how everyone was a hypocrite- about how, if the world ended up in flames, no one would care about rescuing anyone but their own skin.

Ren just listened on, quietly, caressing his back, his hair, or wiping tears away when it got too much, letting Goro ruin his shirt with all the snot that Goro could possibly produce in the short time they were spending together.

But he didn’t kiss him like he had so many nights ago, and he hadn’t reciprocated Goro’s kiss, either.

There was a hollow feeling in his chest as Goro was lulled into sleep, prepared to wake up with another bad surprise waiting for him, because when did anything good ever happen to him?

Maybe this time around, he wouldn’t have to worry about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren: the epitome of having good intentions and executing them terribly and dubiously  
> Goro's horny brain: that's sexy
> 
> That's it. That's the chapter.
> 
> Wait I forgot
> 
> Ren: *rejects Goro and tells him he doesn't feel shit about him and that he's being embarrassing*  
> Also Ren: *holds Goro and comforts him through the pain*
> 
> =_= 
> 
> The conclusion? They're both idiots to the extreme. Serious dumbasses, really.
> 
> Leave a comment if you'd like to share what you think, or leave kudos if you like and feel shy!


	7. If the gears are in turn, can the fool use his wit to reverse? Or will it lead to his doom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to meet a few other characters now! And keep in mind the narrator is retelling the story out of Goro's POV...;D  
> Enjoy!

Goro had been prepared for a lot when he woke up, his alarm blaring him awake. He was prepared to wake up, stripped to the bone, all alone. He was also prepared for a dozen of reporters surrounding his house and demanding answers for why he had punched a barista in the gut.

He didn’t expect to wake up in Ren’s arms, in the same way they had been spooning oh so many nights ago.

First thing he felt was shock- followed by irritation. Why didn’t Ren just up and leave? Why couldn’t Ren just be an asshole so Goro would stop being so _damn_ infatuated with him?

Actually, he _had_ been an asshole- it still hadn’t thrown Goro’s needy brain off.

Ah, fuck. There seemed to be no escaping this fool.

“Mhrm…” The arms around Goro’s waist moved away as Ren- fully clothed- rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Fuuuuck, what _time_ is it even?”

“It’s 04:45 am.”

“What the _fuck_ \- how do you even- urgh, nevermind.” Blearily, both men rose out of the bed- Goro flushing slightly as he looked down on his almost naked body- seriously, what had he been thinking? Maybe he should write off alcohol forever. It made him lose control.

Ren, meanwhile, got up and asked where the kitchen waas- not the bathroom. “Lemme just whip us some breakfast before you throw me out- I gotta get _something_ in my tummy before I start working.”

“Well…” Goro hesitated. He wasn’t even sure if he had any ingredients in his fridge. “Its down the floor, on the left hand side. The right door leads to the bathroom.”

Ren yawned, followed by a “Cool, thanks”, as he strode off. Briefly, the brunet wondered why Ren was able to keep his nonchalance like that. Wasn’t he going to comment on Goro’s truly pathetic behavior from yesterday?

It would certainly make good blackmail material, that was for sure.

Well, maybe Ren would spring that on him as soon as they were eating breakfast.

The raven had a grim expression on his face as Goro walked into his tiny kitchen, finished with his morning shower and clad in his usual suit for the day. He had folded Ren’s clothes- inconspicuous as they were- and was planning to return them to his owner as soon as the latter wanted to leave.

“Okay, let me get this straight”, Ren sighed, “you have exactly three eggs and a few slices of bread- of which most of them have already molded. There are absolutely no spices or salt and pepper here. No milk- no tea. I have found exactly one pan and a kettle that’s probably older than Sojiro. Heck, you barely have two cups and plates. I’m glad you have a tiny oven at least, even if there’s no microwave. The only other thing I found was a huge array of instant noodles.”

Goro merely shrugged. “Yes?”

“How do you even _live?_ ”

“Either I dine out- or I eat the instant noodles- or…”

The ‘I eat nothing’ didn’t need to be spoken out, given Ren’s exasperated expression. “Goro. Goro that’s not healthy.” “Right, thank you most kindly for your concern.”

“Fuck, really? Don’t give me your diva attitude at this fucking hour of the day. I’m glad Akira is preparing lunch for you- he was always chiding me for skipping meals, but you? You’re next level.”

“Not everyone has the luxury to prepare breakfast or be a good cook, you know. I don’t see the merit- I have passed by just fine.” Goro’s lifestyle was better than what he was used to, after all.

Ren sighed anew. “Come by Leblanc tonight”, he ordered, “or else you’ll risk getting that footage leaked. So you better show up.” “Back to blackmailing me again? How sweet of you, really.”

Ren groaned. “You managed so far- you’ll survive another few…well, you know. Anyway, don’t forget to take your work with you, and some pajamas and- you know what, I’m just gonna gather those myself.”

“Excuse me?” Goro watched incredulous as Ren moved around and started to search for the things he’d listed up.

“Yeah, we’re throwing a pajama night today, like it or not. Lemme just go gather your shit before you can use any excuse like ‘I forgot my toothbrush’ or some shit. Not even I can whip up some sort of breakfast with eggs and instant noodles.”

“There’s no way I’m staying in your attic trash place and-“ Goro was cut off. “Well, do you want the media know all about feral Goro Akechi?”

That shut Goro up. “What do you even want to do?” he asked instead, irritated and grumpy even though the day had just started. A part of him was thankful Ren was blissfully ignoring his behavior from yesterday.

“I told you, a pajama party. Slumber party. Call it what you want. You know, those teenage inspired nights where people get together and watch movies and eat unhealthy shit- except that we’re gonna eat properly before stuffing ourselves with sweets. Have you watched the Sherlock Holmes movie? The one starring Robert Downey Jr.? I bet you’re gonna like it- I’ll send Futaba to borrow it so we can watch it tonight.”

“What the f-“ “Shhhhh.”

Ren put a finger on Goro’s dirty mouth, effectively shutting him up.

Except that Goro took the opportunity to bite down on Ren’s finger- hard.

“Youch!” Ren quickly drew his finger back, hissing in pain. “What was that for?!”

“Thinking you could shut me up”, Goro answered with a smug smile.

It was weird. Was Goro actually…enjoying himself? At the prospect of spending an entire _night_ with this…infuriatingly handsome bastard that just wasn’t interested in Goro’s…body?

No, Goro must have gone delirious. Or the alcohol was still in effect. “I thought your boss banned me from ever entering your café again”, he remarked as Ren went through his few belongings, having found some sort of bag where he was throwing stuff in. He pointedly left his own clothes in the folded pile- Goro would definitely return those clothes to him, though.

“Mhmmm. Sojiro has a soft heart for problematic children- besides, you weren’t as impeccably dressed as you will be today, in your suit and shit. Don’t worry, it’s gonna be fine.”

Goro pointedly ignored the ‘problematic children’ comment, but he did notice…the odd use of plural. “I have a shift at the precinct once college lessons are over, though.” “Yeah, but it’s a Saturday evening- surely your shitty colleagues will be nice enough to let you off, at like, 11pm. Just head straight to Leblanc- the sign might be turned to closed, but if you knock three times in a row, and leave a short break for the fourth knock- I’ll know you’re there and let you in.” “Is that a secret code to enter or what?”

“It is now- our own.”

It was one of the very few times Ren’s smile seemed absolutely genuine, and Goro had absolutely no reasons to trust it. But it was odd, how his smile seemed to light up the room, how it resembled his brother’s so much…

Goro was trailing off. He harrumphed his nose. “I can’t promise you anything.” “Yeah, yeah. See, even if you can’t make it on time, just call me so I know and I’ll stay awake. You don’t have to head to college on a Sunday, right? Crazy enough law students have lessons on Saturdays.”

It seemed like Goro had no choice but to oblige. “Fine”, he grumbled out, “And no, I don’t have classes on Sunday, but I have work at the precinct. Starts in the afternoon.” “Good. Good!”

A quick glance on the clock revealed Goro had to leave soon if he wanted to make it on time.

“I’ll have to leave soon- is there anything else you require?” “Well, a change of clothes would be nice.”

Goro winced- yikes. This was definitely a lead up to yesterday’s happenings- and he was definitely not in the mood to relive that right now.

“I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer except three other suits and- there might be a pajama somewhere in my closet. Well, and the clothes I was wearing yesterday.”

Ren threw him a look that said the exact same thing as before, the one with _How do you even live?_

Frankly, Goro didn’t live at all. He was only out for revenge- and everything else was…just not part of his lifestyle. He also couldn’t care less about his own life being threatened, in a way- he was just worried if his façade as a charming Detective Prince blew me up, his life would be forfeited before he even got close to enacting revenge on Shido.

Maybe that was also why he gave in to Ren’s demands so easily- he convinced himself it was just for the sake of achieving a greater goal, and the morality of the situation- being forced to spend time with someone- didn’t really interest him in the least.

Actually, Goro was having fun thinking of possibly finding more and more ways to turn the game on its head and have Ren be at his mercy instead- not like he was aware that he was having fun. The fact that the raven seemed to have a few mysteries surrounding him made his interest pique even more- he was a detective, after all, and uncovering the truth was his in his blood.

Back to the situation at hand. To Goro’s surprise, Ren didn’t delve back into the happenings of yesterday night. “I guess I’m gonna gross people out in the train, but…hopefully, there won’t be that many people commuting at, what, 05:30 am? Geez. The time alone could kill me, really.” “It’s not like you’re a TV Idol with a reputation to lose.”

_Just irrelevant attic trash who blackmails other people into throwing slumber parties with him._

_What the fuck?_

Goro decided, for his own sanity, that he shouldn’t think about the absurdity of the situation too much.

Ren grinned- that dangerous smile, the one that said he was up to no good as Goro locked the door behind them. He leaned in close, so close that his lips were brushing the outer shell of Goro’s ear, and the brunet would have jumped if he wasn’t busy fumbling the key out of the locket- before Ren, shitty, stupid, infuriating Ren laughed into his ear, dangerously low: “Right. I’m just a TV Idol’s one night stand, right?”

Goro yelled in protest as Ren ran off, laughing and winking goodbye- not letting the bag of goods out of his strong grip for a second. “See you later, Goro- it wouldn’t do your reputation good to be seen with your one night stand, after all.”

“We did not-!”

“Bye!”

Stupid, shitty Ren, leaving Goro behind with burning cheeks and an inflamed spirit. Goro _really_ needed to find a way to rile Ren up and embarrass him to his bones. Though, as Goro mentally traced back their interactions- was it even possible to embarrass the guy? He didn’t seem to be apologetic for his actions, whether they were right, wrong, or borderline illegal, and morality didn’t seem to be part of his dictionary, either. He also didn’t seem to be a very regretful person- but then again, Goro didn’t know him that well. The only Achilles point he had- was his twin.

Seemed like Operation Seduce Akira Kurusu had to be pursued on as soon as possible. But alas, Goro had promised- or more like, was forced- to wait for Akira to approach him himself.

Argh. One could say the handling of the twins was more difficult than solving some cases.

At least Goro arrived on time for the first lesson. Or else he’d…well, who knows what he’d have done.

Or what the mysterious raven would have countered with.

***

When lunch time hit, Goro was filled with a sense of dread. Maybe because bad things kept happening to him these days, but somehow he couldn’t believe anything good could possibly happen today. Someone tapped his back as he crossed the campus, and he turned around- a part of him hoping he was going to see Akira Kurusu- but instead, he was greeted with the sight of a…young male, blue slick hair and a very curious look on his face as he observed Goro.

“Pardon me”, he said, bowing slightly- was Goro receiving another confession? He didn’t have a lot of male fans, but still- “would you allow me to draw you?”

Er, what? “Preferably nude. I have a vision, you see, and-“

Red flag, definitely a red flag, oh fuck, Goro had to get away from the guy with the dangerous glint in his eyes who kept on talking about artistic vision or some shit- Goro knew crazy stalker fans, and while he weirdly _didn’t_ get that vibe from this- this lunatic, he was still definitely someone to steer away from.

As far as worldly possible.

The detective was about to take off when a rather familiar figure appeared- a girl with blonde hair, yelling frantically for someone named…Yusuke?

_It’s that Ann girl,_ Goro remembered- and she ran up as soon as Yusuke tried grabbing for Goro’s sleeve, fucking hell-

“Yusuke! How many times do we have to explain you-“ Ann was heaving for air- stamina didn’t seem to be her thing “-don’t just run up to random people and bother them! Especially not about your nude visions! Gosh, I am _so_ sorry, I swear he isn’t crazy, just really, really awkward- oh. It’s…you.”

It was only now that Ann realized she had pried Yusuke off of Goro. Her expression didn’t speak of joy- that much was clear to the brunet.

“If that’s all, I must excuse myself. I will be leaving now”, Goro nodded curtly, hoping to make for a swift exit as he _did not_ have the patience to deal with Akira Kurusu’s friends today.

But they _could_ help him mend his relationship with Akira- possibly. Hm.

“W-wait!”

Now it was Ann’s turn to grab Goro’s sleeve- urgh, he’d have to pay for ironing again, if this kept up. “About the other day- you know, Ryuji has a good heart and stuff, but sometimes he takes things too far. It wasn’t his place to interfere, and I think Akira really-“

Urgh. Not this again.

“Listen, I have tried apologizing to Kurusu- he doesn’t seem interested in mending things with me”, Goro grumbled, turning around to face the two oddballs again. Yusuke, the blue haired male seemed to be busy sketching something- where had he even whipped that sketchbook from?

Ann seemed surprised at the admission. “What?! But he kept talking about-“

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are the two of you even doing on campus today? I assumed only the law section has to show up on Saturdays. It seems rather odd why a student of the artistic music and arts division and…a freelance artist? Are strolling on campus today. I’m afraid you might be violating our school’s guidelines. I must ask you to leave swiftly.”

Yusuke kept scribbling on like a madman, ignoring Goro’s comment entirely. Ann only sighed before she grabbed both boys’ sleeves- Goro grimacing because yeah, he’d _definitely_ have to pay for ironing now. Hopefully her nail paint wouldn’t leave any marks on his suit, or else he’d charge her.

“Both of you are coming with me. Now.”

Even though Goro was protesting, he was too tired to actually tear himself away from Ann’s surprisingly strong grip. A certain raven had already sapped away his energy for the day, so it wasn’t like he could put up much of a fight as they approached the ever familiar ping-pong area.

And there was yet another raven seated atop of the tables, his eyes widening as he realized Goro was dragged along by Ann. She gently proceeded to push Yusuke in some corner- who was still drawing like a madman, glancing up from time to time to regard Goro with a gaze that made him shudder- and then she pulled down Akira from his seat upon the table, almost making him kiss the ground painfully.

“You-” she pointed at the howling Akira, who didn’t understand what he’d done to earn this rough treatment, “- and you”, this time, one of her perfectly manicured nails pointed at Goro himself, “You’re gonna talk shit out, right now, right here. Okay, you can go to some other place to get some privacy and all that jazz, but I’m so _sick_ of you dumbos dancing around each other. Argh!”

With that, she shoved the two grown-ass men in some secluded corner and walked back to keep an eye on Yusuke.

Well.

This was awkward.

Akira was avoiding Goro’s gaze, up until Goro couldn’t take the suffocating silence anymore.

“Fine”, he hissed, “fine, it was a stupid idea with the chocolate and that stupid talk and shit. I’m _so_ sorry about blowing up on you guys- except that, let me think about it? I’m not. I meant what I said. That said…I do understand I was a bit of a, what does he call it again, a ‘diva’? But whatever. Not my business if it hurt your cute little feelings. Hmpf.”

Goro turned his head away as he crossed his arms in defense. If Kurusu wouldn’t take this ‘sincere apology’, then he had tried all he could. He tried being nice- that went terrible. Now he was apologizing as his “true diva self”, and if Akira didn’t want this either, well, then Ren could stick his stupid idea of coercing Goro to befriend Akira in his ass and- stick with it.

_Eloquent speech, Goro._

Akira was laughing. The crazy guy was actually _laughing._ Goro threw him an irritated glare as Akira clutched his stomach.

“What?!” “Sorry-sorry-“ Akira apologized between his giggles, “It’s just that- it was exactly like this.”

“What was like this?!” The nerve of these twins.

“The way I imagined you’d apologize. Like, I get it- I overstepped my boundaries, Akechi. I should have known better than to keep bugging you with lunch boxes, and when you blew up at Ryuji and me, I knew it was actually my fault, not yours. Which is why I was completely thrown off game when you came and apologized in your- princely manner. If you’d come at me like this sooner, then maybe things wouldn’t even have gotten that awkward- thank fuck for Ann, really.”

Goro’s phone buzzed as he stood there, unable to process Kurusu’s dumb apology. He took a quick glance at his phone- Ren?

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:56): Just say it was my idea with the chocolate n shit_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (13:57): hes gonna take it without questioning. Cutie is gullible af_

_‘Cutie’, huh. Next time I hear him say that, I might have to hold myself back from puking all over his shoes._

It wasn’t like Goro _liked_ listening to Ren, but this wasn’t the worst idea he had.

“It was Kurusu’s idea”, Goro mumbled, and Akira perked up immediately.

“Sorry?”

“I said”, Goro repeated himself, louder now- with a hint of insecurity laced along his tone. “It was Kurusu’s idea. You know. The other Kurusu. Your twin. He wants us to be friends.” Goro scowled at that. “And he said that’s how I was supposed to apologize.”

For a while, there was yet another pause of silence that felt longer than it was, and Goro wished Akira wouldn’t have stopped laughing his ass off. That was more comfortable than…whatever this was. When Goro glanced up, Akira was broodingly staring at his feet.

“Brother wants that, huh…” If Goro wasn’t such a good observer, he could have missed the sad smile tugging at Akira’s lips, before he brightened and whipped his head up.

“Well, we should just put that behind us, then! Would you like me to keep preparing lunch for you? I don’t want to overstep my boundaries.” There was lingering insecurity on Akira’s face.

Urgh. Goro really had to do this, didn’t he?

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (14:00): you know what to say hun ;P_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (14:00): heres sum tip: you can thank him for keeping you from starving_

“Actually”, Goro acquiesced, “I was rather...well, I usually don’t get around to cook for myself, and your dearest brother is rather worried about my health. He was quite happy to hear you were going out of your way to prepare me something, and I have to admit you weren’t…a terrible cook.” This was the closest Goro could come to compliment someone, his princely persona helping him find the words- but also making him sound stiff all over again.

Before he could redact his manner of speech, Akira’s face lit up. “Really?!”

_Urgh._

“Yes. Really. It…was helpful, I must admit.”

“So…we can be friends?”

Goro’s mouth felt rather dry as he replied: “I suppose.”

Goro was prepared for the intense energy radiating off of Akira as soon as Goro would…you know. Goro was not, however, prepared for the sudden _lunge_ Akira took, throwing his arms around his neck and wrapping him in a full body hug.

Oh _fuck_ no. Abort mission, abort mission, _abort mission now!_

Akira didn’t smell like his twin at all- where Ren always smelled like aftershave or coffee, Akira’s distinct smell was…the detergent of his clothes, Goro supposed. There wasn’t much of a resemblance- and that was why it made Goro even more uncomfortable. His body went rigid, stiff under the unfamiliar touch of someone he disliked and hated and was only forcibly spending time with. Goro blinked as he felt like- like he was suffocating under a simple hug, and Akira, stupid, naïve Akira, didn’t seem to notice Goro’s tenseness in the slightest.

“I’m so happy! I thought I _really_ blew my chance with you there, you know? Like, a year of making you acknowledge me-“ _Acknowledging?_ “-and trying to gain your attention-“ _Gaining whose attention?_ “-and then boom, I mess up, like I always do. Well, I’m glad that’s over, though- at least that way I won’t be afraid of future mistakes, honestly this was probably the peak-“

_Urgh,_ Goro thought, again, _I wish I could just shut him up with a punch to his face or a kiss or something…but that’s probably moving too fast. How do people even cope with this?_

“Sure”, he heard himself reply dryly, after Akira’s ramble had ended and he had disentangled himself from Goro again- _thank fuck for that._ Goro wasn’t sure if he’d have endured holding his breath for a minute longer.

He was lucky he was such a trained swimmer.

Akira was still beaming as he grabbed Goro’s hand and dragged them back to where Ann and Yusuke where. Oh no, if Akira continued to keep up all these- these casual touches- it would drive Goro mad, he was sure.

But then again, maybe it would help in his quest of conquering Akira’s heart? Or it’d be the opposite- Akira wouldn’t think anything when Goro touched him, deeming it as a friendly gesture or something.

Well, this was going to be a pain in the ass either way.

Ann seemed more than just surprised seeing the two of them return together, her eyes growing as wide as plates. Yusuke was still busy with- whatever he was doing, but he glanced up quickly when the two returned, zeroing in on their- their _hand holding_ , the abomination of the century- before muttering a “Ah yes, youth, youth and friendship and…love? Love!” and then delving back into his world again.

Goro was glad he wasn’t trying to befriend Yusuke. That guy would probably prove to be a much bigger mystery than the combined personality of Ren and Akira together.

“Hey Goro”, Akira began, hopping onto the ping-pong table as he released Goro’s clammy, sweaty hand and motioned Goro to do the same. He felt mild horror, but well, he had to comply if he wanted his mission to succeed- so he followed the invitation along as elegantly as he possibly could.

Akira rewarded him with another warm smile that made Goro’s bones shiver. “I’m gonna try and make some lunch for you everyday, but it’d sure make it easier if you came here and had lunch with us. That would save me the time to search for you- and we sadly can’t eat in the study area. How about it?”

Urgh. _An everyday commitment?_

“I- I’m not sure your friends would appreciate-“ “Bullshit”, Akira interrupted him, sternly. “We’re friends now, so I’ll tell Ryuji to behave- can’t promise it’s gonna be easy, but he’s not a bad guy, and you’re not a bad guy either, so I bet he’s gonna improve his behavior. And besides him, I don’t think anyone would mind- right, Ann?”

Ann, mildly shocked still, shook her head. “I, uh…I was rather interested in getting to know you, too, Akechi. I mean, I’m also, like, semi in the TV business with my modeling and my actress career and stuff so- we have that in common, right?”

“I don’t think Detective work and modeling have that much in common”, Goro dismissed. He wasn’t forced to be friendly to anyone other than Akira himself.

But then again, it _would_ make him more sympathetic in Akira’s eyes, and he _was_ trying to seduce him. The fact that Akira seemed to be obsessed with Goro for apparently a year would probably turn out to be in his favor, too.

To break the awkward silence, Goro cleared his throat again: “But, I suppose…being nagged for not wearing the proper attire or make up is something that is common among all TV jobs.”

A sidelong glance out of his peripherals towards Akira confirmed Goro’s theory- Akira was beaming like a child, watching Ann and Goro interact happily.

Hold up.

This was a perfect opportunity to prod Akira about Ren- maybe Goro could off-handedly mention the slumber party before asking more about their mysterious relationship. For that to happen, he’d have to either get Akira to shut the phone off- without being too obvious, else Ren would know- or have someone else…conveniently take his phone away from him. But Goro also couldn’t move too fast- or else Ren would smell his bad intention from miles away.

What Goro needed was a co-conspirator. One that’d be dumb enough to believe anything he said and follow his call, but was also close to Akira.

“Actually, Takamaki”, Goro began, showing off what he hoped was a disarming smile, “Could I possibly…talk to you in private?”

Ann’s eyes grew big again, but Akira nudged her down the table, motioning her to go along with Goro- he needed to make sure that Akira wasn’t in any sort of hearing range.

He led Ann back to where he and Akira had been talking. Ann seemed to grow more and more nervous as they walked away from her friends, and Goro was annoyed at how obviously suspicious she was.

“Soooo, uh…what’s this about?” Alright. Now for the hard part.

Goro cleared his throat. He’d never been a man to express anything but hostile feelings, and today had already sapped enough emotions out of him for an entire week, if not a month. Still, there was no guarantee he’d have a similar chance like this in the future, so he had to act fast. “See, Ann”, he began, and he saw her narrowing his eyes, scrutinizing him critically.

Maybe she wasn’t as dumb as Goro deemed her to be. Hm.

Maybe he’d have to take a different approach.

“You know I haven’t been…very friendly towards Kurusu.”

“Uh, duh. Guy’s been chasing your ass for a year, and most of the time, you were just giving off rude insults. It does make me kinda suspicious why you suddenly changed, but…well, if it makes Akira happy, I don’t care, really.”

“Ah, yes. The…insults.” “Yeah. You know, some of those really hurt him! He might seem like a ball of sunshine all the time, but he’s not made out of stone. Like when you said that you were wasting his time and shit.” “I…am aware.” “Well, if you’re aware, you should change that!”

Alright, here it was. The crucial moment. “See, that…that was what I wanted to talk to you about.” “Uh…okay? Sure it’s not Akira you should be telling-“

“No. Please, just, um, listen.” Urgh, Goro hated the vulnerability evident in his voice.

To make his upcoming claim credible, he thought back on his failed strip tease- and how gently Ren had held him in his arms for the whole night, not leaving his side for a second- fuck, alright, his cheeks were positively red now. Ann seemed to notice as well, for her eyes widening even more.

_Score._

“See, this past…year, Akira has been paying attention to me- I’m sure I must have seemed rather annoyed by his behavior. At the beginning, I was also quite convinced that that was it, but…”

Goro meaningfully trailed off, glancing at Ann- whose mouth was forming a shocked ‘o’.

“I’m sure you’re aware I don’t have many…friends around me-“ _None, to be precise_ “-so expressing feelings was always…a little difficult for me. Still is, or else I wouldn’t be standing here, really.” “Um…okay. Sure?” “Yes, anyway…See, I came to some sort of inevitable conclusion when I thought about how annoyed I got from Kurusu. And how he wouldn’t leave me alone, and his dashing looks, and his inevitable trait of never leaving me alone.”

Goro cleared his throat- fuck, even a fake love confession was awkward as hell. How did all his fangirls manage to do this day by day?

“What I’m trying to say is…I’m not turned off by Kurusu’s behavior. I am very difficult to understand if I don’t act after my Prince persona- see, that’s what attracted anyone to me initially, anyway. Not my…honest, prickly behavior, as Kurusu likes to say.” Goro placed a strategic nervous chuckle in here- though it came off as rather choked.

“I…I’m rather infatuated with him, I should say.”

“Do you- do you mean you’re crushing on Akira? Like, _crush_ as in _wants to date?_ As in, wants to hold hands with and give goodnight kisses to and- have sex? _”_

_Urgh, what a primitive way of thinking, really. What did I expect?_

“I- yes, I suppose, I am…helplessly in love, as some would say. However, it took me some time to reach this conclusion- like I said, I’m not used to someone…paying attention to my actual self, and not the Prince I’m posing as. Besides, I didn’t even know I was…attracted to men.”

_Bullshit. I’ve never questioned who or what I was attracted to- not like there was anyone ever attracted to me, really._

To Goro’s surprise, Ann didn’t start screaming. She seemed like she was holding herself back to do exactly that- screech like the dumb woman she was- but she held it in, her face growing redder and redder as Goro went on, her eyes and mouth growing wider and wider.

“I have also noticed, that, despite all his…nonchalant touches, I am not turned off by them.” _Yeah, I just get the shivers and want to haul him to the end of the world._ “Though I am actually a fan of people _not_ touching me randomly- he was…the exception. Still is. Besides, he is witty and smart- so I suppose it’s kind of difficult not to feel attracted to him. We are rivals, after all- there’s always been some sort of tension between us. However, I am afraid…he might not notice if there’s any sort of, let’s say, romantic advancement from my side, especially when it comes to…skin on skin contact- you and your friends are rather open when it comes to…hugs and all that, but I am not. It took me quite a long time to even get myself to admit to my feelings.” Goro cleared his throat again, winning himself some time as his face grew positively red.

“I am…well, I am rather troubled with confessing to him as well, when I’m not even sure what he feels about me, really. I bet he’d think I was playing some game, like the other day, when I got him chocolate-“

“You got him chocolate?” Ann whispered, still shocked from the confession.

“I- yes, but that plan backfired, as he thought I was- just trying to wind him up. The reason I’m telling you all this is because- I’d be very happy if I had…some sort of ally to help me in my advances, because I’m afraid my own intentions always seem to get warped in a way. I also need discretion- I don’t want the whole world to know about this, but you seemed to be…trustworthy, as you’re always around Akira, and in contrast to Ryuji…didn’t seem to be entirely turned off by me.”

Ann was silent for a while. The silence stretched on uncomfortably, seeming exceptionally long at some point. She stared and stared and stared until she literally _combusted,_ screeching her excitement away- ouch, Goro’s ears hurt.

She came up to him _really_ close- but thankfully refrained from hugging him. Her eyes sparkled like Goro had never seen before- and it only occurred to him now that this was a rather elaborate plan for someone to just take Akira’s phone away.

Well, it was the easiest plan out of all, though.

“I- oh my gosh- I would have _never_ expected this, really! Akechi! Wow! Oh wow, this is so- this whole story, see, I thought you were shitting me, but it makes- so much sense? It’s like all those rivals to lovers stories- and oh my gosh, how come I’ve never thought of that?! You’re a really shy guy underneath all that prickly exterior, huh? Huh? Ahhhhh, this is so exciting! Of course I will help you conquer Akira’s heart, Akechi! I’ll tell you all I know about him- I’m pretty sure he’s got _some_ interest in you, anyway, so maybe he just needs to realize, and boom! You guys are gonna end up dating. The mere idea makes me screech!”

Urgh, her squealing was intolerable. But Goro had to get through this.

“Yes”, he smiled as mildly as he could when he actually felt like murdering someone, “There’s- one more thing, however.” “Hm?”

“See, it’s…We were just talking about the media and everything, right? I have the fear that sometimes, people’s phones get hacked by curious reporters- and they might read some text messages or worse, listen in on conversations. Like I said…I’d wish for discretion, if anything. I know it’s a weird fear as well- but I have acquaintances who have gone through some of these experiences. Now, my phone is well protected- but even then, I don’t trust it from time to time.”

Goro was aware this explanation made him seem like some sort of paranoid anti-tech freak, but he had to do this. He just hoped it didn’t seem _too_ ridiculous and turned him into a laughing stock.

“Therefore…if, for example, I wanted some alone time with Kurusu and…you’d know where his phone was, or would conveniently need it in the exact moment I ask him to spend some time with me- I’d…probably have one thing less to worry about when it comes to courting him.”

“You’re saying you want me to snatch Akira’s phone?”

Here it was, the critical moment. Goro closed his eyes.

“Yes”, he confirmed.

“Oh, that’s it? I thought for sure something serious was the problem, lol. Don’t worry! I think it’s not even that much of your paranoia speaking. Honestly, my friend Ailey- whose already gone pro in model business- her phone’s been hacked by some creeps to steal like, nude pictures and shit, or listen in on her when she’s having sex with her boyfriend- really disgusting! So I totally get it. We’ll find a way!”

Ann was beaming, and Goro let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He thanked the disgusting hacker of this Ailey person for existing- it had just made his life a thousand times easier.

They made their way back rather cheerily, Ann practically glowing, and Goro wondered if she really had been the best choice. Then again, he hadn’t met the Shiho girl often enough to really assess her, and Hifumi seemed too intelligent than to fall for a ruse like this.

Goro did pat himself on the shoulder for such elaborate acting skills, however. It wasn’t everyday he pulled of something as wicked and believable- and maybe, maybe Goro would feel more fulfilled when forcing Ren to meet his oh-so-beloved brother who was helplessly in love and dating Goro.

The _look_ on Ren’s face- it’d be worth it.

Maybe then Ren would realize it had been a mistake to blackmail Goro, or reject Goro’s advances. He didn’t care his actions spoke of pettiness- that it was just another way of trying to get someone’s attention on himself.

But then again, there’d be other things he’d realize in the future as well.

Back to the situation at hand, Goro sat back where Akira had motioned him to sit initially, and Ann decided to sit next to Akira’s other empty spot. “What did you two talk about?” Akira asked, pulling out his lunch box and…offering it to Goro, who wasn’t sure how to handle this.

Ann chirped in happily: “Ah, just a common work colleague of ours- Goro wasn’t sure if I knew her. You know, you should just pick the sandwich Goro is supposed to eat and feed it to him! He’s so stubborn, I bet he’ll go starving about the day if you don’t, Akira.”

“O-Oh?” _Oh fuck no._

Hopefully, Akira was too naïve to pick up on Ann’s sudden behavior change- she was being a little too obvious.

Nevertheless, Akira tilted his head at Goro, asking him whether he’d like that- and under Ann’s watching eyes, how could Goro say no?

Urgh.

Urggggggh.

It was humiliating, really, to bite off of a sandwich that someone else was holding out for him. Goro felt like some sort of pet dog- and he instantly loathed Ann’s help. This wasn’t what he agreed to. This certainly hadn’t been part of the plan.

Luckily, Akira himself decided to help him out of his misery. “You really don’t look like you enjoy being fed, Akechi. Here, you should eat it yourself. Ann’s ideas are entertaining sometimes, but they also tend to go a little too far.”

“Hey!” Ann squawked in protest, “That’s sooooo not true!” “Really? Remember your idea of Ryuji and Haru helping each other out when they didn’t know which bikinis to pick? The aftermath was a mess.” “Don’t remind me of that!”

Thankfully, Ann and Akira argued on for the most of the break, completely ignoring Goro- who was able to catch a breather. That was, until Akira decided to drape his arm around Goro’s back, resting his arm and hand on Goro’s neck and shoulder. “Ryuji and I always sit like this”, Akira commented, when Goro was too stunned to move, “So…hopefully you can get used to it as well!”

These twins would be the death of Goro.

“Sooooo…how’s Ren doing?” “Ren?” Ann asked, curious.

“A common friend- or rather, a distant childhood friend of mine”, Akira rectified, throwing a pleading look towards Goro- he was just too happy to comply, actually.

Interesting. So Akira didn’t even tell his closest friends about his twin?

“I have recently come into contact with him, so…Akira tends to ask about his wellbeing from time to time.” Goro knew he wasn’t allowed to tell Akira too much about Ren’s private life- however, it wasn’t like he knew anything much about Ren to begin with.

And Ren never specified whether Akira was allowed to know about their shared activities or not. “Ren is doing fine, actually. He’s coerced me into a ridiculous slumber party with him tonight, for whatever reason. Said I’m not eating enough- I don’t know what that has to do with the slumber party, but…I’ve given up on trying to read his thoughts, really.”

Akira chuckled. “That sounds very much like him-the coercion part, I mean. He was always the kind of guy who was bad at giving up when he got an idea into his head. I guess that’s where you two are similar.” Akira stared up at the sky with a wistful smile, and Goro felt the hand on his shoulder tighten just so. “I’m kinda jealous you get to spend a slumber party with him- wish I could have gotten that chance as well.”

Goro used the opportunity to lean into Akira, as if it had been the most common thing in the world. It made his hair stand up and he had to resist to scratch himself at the point of touch- but it was all part of the play, he reminded himself, it would help him.

It was odd, really- all he had to do was close his eyes, and think of a raven oh so similar to this one- one that knew the deep hatred and fury simmering in his veins, and yet still…held him gently during the night. One that didn’t smell like detergent, but of coffee and aftershave.

And suddenly, the shiver in his bones disappeared.

As Goro opened his eyes, he saw Ann trying to pull Yusuke out- he’d crawled under the ping-pong table, muttering something about vision- and Akira stiffened for just a millisecond before melting into Goro’s advance, flashing a goofy smile at Goro.

“You seem to be rather comfortable like this.”

Goro mentally erased the glasses perched atop of Akira’s nose, the only stark contrast between his brother and himself- and Goro didn’t know he was wearing a content smirk on his face before he replied: “Maybe I am.”

The brilliant shade of red that tainted Akira’s face could put a tomato to shame, and it was Akira who shied off, removing his arm around Goro and jumping off the table. “Uh, I think we should…get to class, you know. We might be late, and Ann and Yusuke only came cuz I wanted some…company. They don’t have classes today.”

Goro jumped off the table as well, throwing a smug grin towards Ann, who was suppressing her squeals. Yusuke was off into his own world, sketching wildly. “Well, in the future you won’t necessarily have to do that on Saturdays- we’ll spend it together, after all.”

Goro had to expect the squeal Ann gave off, but he still couldn’t prepare himself fast enough.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (14:54): uh what just happened?_

_Me (14:55): You don’t need to worry about that. I’m just doing my best to befriend your cute brother ;)_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (14:58): That emojis fucking scary, coming from you_

_Me (15:00): Gotta go. See you in the evening._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (15:02): you better be punctual! Or at least try to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ann's a sucker for the enemies-to-lovers trope, but who isn't? I really dislike how Goro looks down on her and Yusuke at the beginning, but heeeey...things might change ;) 
> 
> I know the chapter might cut off weirdly, but the problem is that the next scene is rather long again and I wanted a clear cut between the transition of the scenes, so....yeaahh.
> 
> How do you like the story so far? Tell me! What do you think of Ren? I snorted when I wrote the line of a blackmailer coercing people to sleepovers, it's just so...bizarre. But also exactly what Goro needs, or else he'd never do this kind of shit ahahaha.


	8. The changing of tides, and yet the fool attempts to rewind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence, domesticity and fluff HAHA

There wasn’t a chance for Goro to be on time, he realized after entering the precinct that day. Some nutjob had been assigned as a temporary chief for the day, and he decided he disliked Goro most- assigning him some tedious paperwork which was both boring and completely irrelevant, but extremely time consuming.

Worriedly, he threw a glance at the clock every once in a while- he couldn’t risk pulling out his phone, but the hour was nearing Ren’s and his appointed meeting time, and who the fuck knew what Ren would do if Goro ghosted him for any longer.

Sae, as busy as she was, noticed his frantic glancing. “Is…something the matter, Akechi?”

Akechi sighed. “I have…a meeting with…an acquaintance of sorts, but I’m afraid if this keeps going on, I won’t be able to meet up. I can’t risk texting him, either, and it’s just…argh.” Goro ruffled his hair in frustration, but he peeked up when only silence was his answer.

“Miss Nijima?” “Oh wow. I have worked alongside you since, what, you were a minor, sixteen? And I have never heard you talk about an acquaintance- anyone, really. Akechi, this is…surprising. How about this? You take the work with you that you can finish at home, and leave the precinct stuff with me- I’ll take care of those. You’ve been overworked these days, anyway- you deserve a break.”

Sae smiled at him, tired as she was, and Goro couldn’t believe his ears. Was she truly offering to take upon part of his workload, which was still plenty? “But, Miss Nijima-“ “No buts”, she sighed, “Makoto’s old enough to take care of herself at home, so she’ll be fine if I add another night shift or two. But you haven’t ever indulged in the pleasantry of…well, your friends, I suppose. You should really make use of that opportunity, Akechi. Youth is a fleeting thing.”

Goro briefly wondered what she’d say if she knew he was basically being blackmailed into participating in a slumber party- but he didn’t know how to explain the clusterfuck of what even lead to this, so he refrained.

“I- thank you, Sae, really. I really don’t know how to repay you.” “How about having a little fun? Just don’t overdo it- if you go drinking outside, make sure someone is sober enough to drive you home.” Goro chuckled as he split the workload, one batch the one he had to leave with Sae, and the other the one he’d have to work through until morning hit.

“Don’t worry- it’s…supposed to be a pajama party. My…” _blackmailer. Erotic, seductive guy who won’t let me jump him. A hot mess, really._

Fuck, Goro was horny.

“- friend wants us to indulge in a slumber party, and he’s determined to feed me with junk food. I don’t know if my skin will appreciate this, but it didn’t seem like I had much of a choice.”

Sae hummed, an amused smile tugging at her lips. “That sounds like a good friend. Have fun, Akechi.” “Are you really sure-“ “Yes, I am. Now hush, before you’re too late.”

Goro would remember this gesture. Maybe he could take over her work at some point, if she was overworked and had some special occasion. An eye for an eye, after all. For now though, Goro quickly swung on his bike- the TV bike one, not his rotten one- and started cycling as fast as he could.

He arrived shortly later, not making it in time, but he was only…how do people call it? Fashionably late? He knocked three times short, then paused before knocking a last time.

Ren opened almost immediately, clad in his usual pajama wear- and the smell in the air revealed Goro that curry and coffee were waiting for him, as well as something sweet he couldn’t quite place.

“Hey there, handsome.” “Urgh, stop that.” Goro rolled his eyes at Ren’s unnecessary flirting, entering.

There was an unfamiliar person sitting at the counter. It was a female, long, with ginger hair, nerdy glasses, and an air of curiosity about her that reminded Goro strongly of Akira. She also seemed…oddly familiar, but Goro couldn’t quite tell why. “Um…hello?” Goro asked inquisitively instead, throwing an irritated glare towards Ren. Weren’t they supposed to be alone?

The ginger haired girl just watched him with interest. “So…did you really fuck Goro Akechi, Ren? I didn’t think you had it in you. You know Dad’s rules- you’re not allowed to bring one night stands into the attic. Or fuck here.”

“What?” Goro felt his face flush.

“No- no, urgh- Futaba. Come on. You promised to leave wordlessly after you saw him.” “That was before I knew you were actually telling the truth.” She jumped down the bar stool, striding up to Goro.

Ren sighed. “Goro, this is Futaba- my tech assistant. She’s also the Boss’s daughter and…some sort of sister figure for me. She’s the one who oversees all the bugging people’s phone operations…and more. She also likes to intrude on my privacy and overheard me coercing you to come tonight.”

“It was just a coincidence!” Futaba exclaimed, crossing her arms.

“I thought you knew better than to bug into my privacy when you accidentally overheard me fucking Iwai.”

“Ewwww, don’t remind me of that, urgh! Urghhhh! I’m still traumatized! You and your disgusting-“ Ren clamped her mouth shut and started pushing her towards the door- quite a feat, really. “I always warn you beforehand to turn off the bugs when I know I might have some things going on.”

Something in Goro’s brain rung as he overheard their conversation. “Hold up-“ he said, drawing curious glances of both Ren and Futaba. “Futaba, you said? Why didn’t you believe Ren he was- meeting up with me? Didn’t you have footage of when I came in and yelled at him- punched him in the gut even?”

It was the first time in his life Goro witnessed something akin to fear cross Ren’s face.

Ha! He got him!

“Huh? Video material? I’ve bugged the café, sure, but there are no-“ “Aaaaand we’re done for the day.” Ren interrupted her loudly, but it didn’t help: the truth was out.

Goro had a triumphant smile on his face as Ren returned, escorting Futaba home rather quickly. “So, you are nothing more but a big, fat liar and you have nothing in your hand against me.”

Ren growled, a familiar, animalistic anger taking form on his face. “I do. I had been lying about footage material- you’re right. You’re too smart than for me to be able to lie my way through this now. But I still have audio material.”

“But the audio material isn’t as incriminating as real video footage. It could be fake. I could deny being the one who yelled at you- it’s flimsy blackmail material, at least.” Goro took another spoon of the curry Ren had placed on the counter for him beforehand, eating gleefully.

Today turned out to be a much better day than imagined. Especially now that he knew Ren had absolutely nothing in hand against him except a bit of incriminating evidence.

“Don’t look so smug. That audio material is still enough to cause you trouble- and I do have it. I can play it for you right now, if you’d like. Think of it like this, smartass: if the media can even take a slightly incriminating picture of you and some random person on the street, turning her into a random love interest- don’t you think audio footage is enough to send them on a frenzy? Especially because they can analyze the audio and see it hasn’t been tampered with. Besides, an innocent barista, crying in front of reporters how he was harassed by the great Akechi Goro? I could spread lies, and say I was crying out of pain because you were actually trying to rape me.”

Goro shot him a glare, standing up, the curry forgotten. Fury was brooding in his veins, an icy anger he had been suppressing ever since he had been turned into a victim of blackmail- but now he had the upper hand.

“You wouldn’t dare, oh sweet Kurusu.” “What makes you so sure?”

Goro smiled, the sweetest, saccharine smile he had ever mustered on his face. “Because, dear Kurusu- you miscalculated. You thought it’d be smart for me to befriend your sweet brother-“ Ren’s growling, angry face blanched, his eyes widening in shock “- but you didn’t think of the consequences of that. Now, who’s in constant contact with him and is going to earn his unconditional trust? You, or me? Who knows about the dirty secret of you listening in on your twin’s private life, of you financially supporting your twin? You just lost a big way to control me, Kurusu.”

Goro’s sweet smile felt venomous on his face, yet it was dripping with joy. “Imagine we were playing chess, Kurusu. You had me cornered- I thought you had me on check mate. But you ignored my pawns nearing the end of your play board, and now, they have turned into a queen, a tower and a horse. The playing field is now even, whether you like it or not. What’s your next move, Kurusu? Because in my opinion, you’re- in a pinch.”

Goro was lifted off his feet, thrown mercilessly against the wooden walls as his head knocked against them rather painfully. Ren was livid- he had madness in his eyes as he was holding Goro up – merely by his collar, effectively choking him.

“Don’t you _dare”,_ Ren hissed, “don’t you dare do anything to Akira. If you do, I swear I’m gonna cut your throat- I don’t have the slightest inhibitions holding me back from becoming a full-fledged criminal-“

_Full-fledged?_

“You can try and unleash the ugly truth on what I’ve been doing to him -for him -if you feel like it- if you really wanna become the scum of earth- but if you do, that makes you a bastard, Goro. I’m not dumb. I was aware of the danger of exposing my criminal actions to a fucking Idol Detective- I didn’t just _tell_ you that shit carelessly.”

“Then- _why?”_ Goro choked back, just as angry, just as livid and boiling, “Why on earth did you expose me your dirty doings if you didn’t think that it would backfire on you, huh?”

“Because I wanted to trust you”, Ren yelled- why were his eyes glistening like that? “-Because, for once in my fucking life, I thought I could- I thought- fuck, you know what? Nevermind.”

He let Goro drop to the ground like a bag of used potatoes, as Goro was finally able to catch his breath- feeling as if he’d been put into trance.

Ren had purposely dropped all that information? Why? Had he underestimated Goro? Did he think Goro needed something to even the tactical game of chess they were playing, each one plotting their own moves, hoping the other wouldn’t notice?

Because no way in hell was he buying that shit with the trust. Trust was something- that just didn’t exist in Goro’s universe. Trust was something he wasn’t familiar with, didn’t know, had never received. Every time he had trusted someone, he had been rewarded with punches and slaps- like now. Trust wasn’t a thing in Goro’s world.

“Don’t lie to me, Kurusu. You were never doing this for earning my trust- you were always trying to protect your brother, first and foremost- don’t lie to me! No way in _hell_ were you interested in befriending me in the slightest- maybe it was your guilty conscience, trying to relieve itself of its worry. Of the way all your actions burdening you down, hoping to be spat out.” “That sounds a lot like you’re talking from experience.”

It confused him, why Ren was standing with his back to him, trembling with overflowing anger and guilt, yet refusing to just- beat Goro up like the rest of the people Goro had ever ‘trusted’ in his life. He saw Ren clench his fists, banging against the table- and he couldn’t see, but if Ren was losing a few tears, that was-

It confused Goro. He was…this hadn’t been part of his calculations. He didn’t understand the merit Ren gained if he offered Goro to peek at his weak points. He just- it didn’t make sense.

“Get out”, he heard Ren press out, his shoulder blades heaving up and down as if having to control himself. “Just- leave. Slumber party is cancelled. I’m- I’m so tired of this.”

Of course it was. “I don’t understand you- it’s not like you were throwing this party for my sake- it was just another tool to make me fall for you stronger, so you could control me better in my advances towards your cute brother, the one you’re trying to protect- to make me think you might be a nice person, to trick me- wasn’t it?”

Goro had never been this unsure about calculating his opponent. The one he had somehow felt attracted to. The one who was currently holding a hand on his face, sighing heavily.

“If you truly think that- then I have nothing but pity left for you, Goro.”

“Excuse me?” Fury raged up in Goro’s veins, the adrenaline pumping up inside him making him go wild. “I’m sorry, but _who_ exactly was it that started this fucked up game? Don’t lie to yourself, Kurusu! You were the one who began with the blackmail- the one who had tricked me into thinking he was a trustable person! Stop acting as if you’re trying to make me seem pitiable- you’ve never had a shred of pity left in your body for me.”

He had seen it- rarely, but often enough, when he went dumpster diving or stole from the shops to keep himself alive as a kid- people who regarded him with pity, who thought he was off so much worse than them, who didn’t do shit to improve his situation but gaze from afar and shake their head, whispering how sorry they felt. No, Ren had never looked at Goro that way- no way. That was one of the reasons the attraction towards Ren had bloomed in his chest- because Ren was so refreshingly different, so undeniably selfish about reaching his goal he didn’t have time to feel sorry or feel pity for what he needed to make use of or whom he was hurting-

It didn’t occur to Goro that they were similar, like two sides of the same coin.

“There’s no way in _hell_ I’m letting you exit this game as you please- neither of us have won yet, Kurusu. Neither of us have lost- but what’s for you at stake just doubled, no, tripled. You still have a chance, though- you still have the audio footage and yourself as a witness of victim. But you’re going to watch, Kurusu, and stand by as your sweet little brother falls for me, helplessly- as we will begin to date- and you will watch, and you will _suffer_ in agony, and wonder why you didn’t use your own pawns as well as I did. I’m not letting you out of this- no way. Not after you thought you could just- reject me like that. Just turn away- no. Suffer under the consequences of your miscalculated actions, Kurusu. Try to usurp me, again, as I usurped you- keep using your pawns. You haven’t lost yet.”

For a while, the café was quiet, filled with nothing else but the heavy breathing of the two men. Goro felt the blood rushing through his ears, adrenaline making him feel more alive than ever.

Suddenly, there was laughter- quiet, but definitive laughter, growing louder and louder, until Ren wasn’t shaking of anger anymore, but crashing onto the ground helplessly as he clutched his stomach.

“Daaaaaamn, Goro, you sure are fucked up, did someone tell you that? Fuck, you’re- wow. I’m just- wow.”

Goro watched Ren laugh his ass off with mild disdain. “Are you quite done yet? I was preparing for a slumber party, and I am afraid I have no idea how to execute that on my own. I’m sure rolling on the floor, laughing, isn’t part of it.”

Ren rose up, the same expression on his face he had nights ago when he first blackmailed Goro- the one that screamed he was up to no good.

The expression Goro liked the most on him.

“Actually, it was very accurate- what you just described. It’s also known as ROFL if you ever wish to type it in an internet chat.” Amused, the brunet raised an eyebrow. “I see.”

The two boys stared at each other, neither one averting their eyes. For a split second, Ren’s eyes softened as he spoke up: “Is this really how you upkeep relationships, Goro? You don’t know any other way? That’s sad.”

“Says the one who is engaging-“ “-in criminal activities to spy on his twin, yes yes, we get it, we get it.”

There was a smile on both boys’ faces, as Ren got up from the ground and approached Goro- like you’d approach a wild animal, really- smoothing over the collar he had just crumpled up when he’d thrown Goro against the wall. “Sorry about this, by the way. I know a great woman who can iron things really effectively- and she still owes me for a few things. She’ll probably take care of this for free, if you want.” “For now, I wish to indulge back on food- I’m quite afraid it’s grown cold, really.” “Don’t worry- that’s what a microwave is for.”

Ren proceeded to take the leftover meal from the counter and put it into the microwave, humming a song. Meanwhile, Goro decided to sit down on the place he had originally enjoyed his meal in, glad he was able to catch a breather.

Ren, however, threw him an amused glance.

“So, you like being manhandled?”

Goro refused to look away, but he couldn’t offer anything else but a look of…confusion. “Manhandled? What exactly does that mean, really?” “You really don’t know?” “I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”

“Well, it…basically refers to, when…you physically dominate someone- mostly forcefully, and rather roughly. I didn’t pay much attention to it before, but…your little friend got quite excited in our tryst.”

If Goro had been eating still, he’d probably have choked on the meal on making its way to his stomach. Like this, he choked on thin air, as Ren’s laughter reverberated through the empty coffee shop.

“E- That- it didn’t happen?!” “Hmmm, are you really that sure, Goro? Better check on that.”

When Ren motioned Goro to take a look at his libido, Goro only threw back his most spiteful, evil glare.

“I hate you”, he mumbled, his cheeks reddening under the intense stare Ren was giving him, alongside his cocky smirk.

“Keep telling yourself that. I just got another fact I can use against you.” “Like I care!”

Goro quickly cut off dialogue as he dug into the steaming plate of the leftover curry Ren served him, glad he was stuffing his mouth with something. “I hope you’re hyped for the movie- I had Futaba pick it up for us, and that was the only reason I even bargained with her today.”

“This…Futaba girl. How are you exactly-?” “Well, like I said, she’s the Boss’s daughter- the one you made believe you were a drug seller or something. I’ve known her since…what, five years now? She was a real shut in at the beginning- had some traumatic experiences and shit. I guess I kinda helped her through it- at least that’s what she claims, but I feel like she came through on her own willpower.”

“How come?”

Ren had a forlorn smile on his face as he explained: “Well, she decided at some point- that she’d been sick of being a shut-in. That was like, a few months after I had moved in here and occasionally had to meet up with her on Sojiro’s request. She compiled- this list of things she wanted to do to conquer her fear, and she said she needed my help for it. It wasn’t a breeze, that’s for sure- but she pulled through, and I’m proud of where she is now.” Goro threw another questioning glance at Ren, motioning him to keep talking. “She’s two years younger than me- just hit her twenties, actually. She finished high school- although she was set one year back since she refused to attend for a while- and she’s studying IT now. She also takes on sidejobs here and there, because her skills are actually quite sought-after – she discerns holes in security systems so fast, barely anyone can compete with her. She could also skip college and go into work immediately, but Sojiro wants her to have a proper degree- be sure she has something to fall back on, worst case scenario be damned.” “I see. They really don’t look alike, though.” “That’s because- well, it’s complicated. Let’s leave that story for another time.”

Goro shrugged. He wasn’t particularly interested in another person’s sob story- he was more interested in getting to hear about Ren. “So you moved to Tokyo five years ago, and have been living…in the attic? Like that?”

Ren clicked his tongue. “Alright, Goro, I think we’ve delved deep enough into each other’s personal stories for one day. You’re not going to dig more out of me today.” Goro tried to hide his disappointment, but as always- failed. 

“Fine”, he grumbled, and was rewarded with a smile.

After Goro had finished his meal, Ren told him he was going to clean up quickly, and Goro should change into his pajamas for now. “You really need to take someone to go shopping with you, though”, he remarked, a sleazy grin on his face. “Doesn’t it get tiring, running around in a suit all day and night? You should at least own a pair of sweatpants or something.” “I don’t see the point, really. Most of the time I sleep naked.”

Ren’s eyebrows shot up at that. “I do have boxers on, you know?!” Goro quickly added, having been embarrassed enough for the day. “It’s just…changing clothes for bed is a pain when I don’t see the point.” “Well, isn’t it like…less cold?” “Yeah, but it eats up my time.” “That you oh-so-scarcely- have of, right? That’s the reason you’re able to throw a slumber party with me today. Because you don’t have time. Goro, I reaaaally think you need to change certain parts of your lifestyle.”

“I could say the same to you.” “Touché.”

This familiar banter- it felt nice. It felt…oddly comfortable. As if they hadn’t been at each other’s throats a minute ago.

“By the way, before we start the movie…do you prefer salt or caramelized popcorn?” “I don’t really have a preference, but I suppose- sweet popcorn is probably better.” “Good choice”, Ren applauded as he turned around, pulling something out of the oven- Goro hadn’t even noticed it was turned on, but he guessed that was where the sweet smell had been coming from. “Homemade, sweet, caramelized popcorn. It’s hot and fresh- seriously, I wanna dig in this instant, but we should move upstairs for now.”

Goro took a skeptical glance towards the golden, shiny puff of balls placed in what must have been a bowl for baking- they must have been coated in caramel, or else they wouldn’t have gotten this exuberant color. “So…do we eat this with spoons? It certainly seems…unhealthy.”

The look of shock he received when he asked became engraved in his bones. “Goro, don’t tell me you’ve never had popcorn before.”

“Um…no?” Ren slapped a hand on his mouth. “Oh fuck- that’s- I’m so glad we’re doing this.” He dragged Goro up the stairs, one hand balancing the bowl, the other one holding onto Goro.

“No”, he threw in, “you don’t eat popcorn with any sort of cutlery- you just eat it by hand. Like pizza. You have eaten pizza, right? Lemme guess, you probably eat that with silverware.” “Only when there’s anyone around.” It wasn’t like Goro had been born with manners- quite the opposite, if you remember his dumpster diving tendencies. However, around Shido- he had had to change. Adjust.

Even if his life didn’t seem all that important to him back then, and still wasn’t.

It was only now that Goro paid attention to the slight change of interior Ren had done in preparation for the movie night. The TV and its small table had been moved directly in front of the bed- yes, there was still only one bed, and no other set of lining set somewhere. When Goro threw a questioning glance at Ren, the raven merely shrugged. “It’s not like this’ll be the first time in life we shared a bed.”

Alright. That…wasn’t untrue. Goro also couldn’t deny the fact that he felt at ease when Ren slung his arms around him, massaging him - or letting Goro cry himself into sleep.

He wondered how tonight’s evening was going to end up like.

After he and Ren had settled on the bed, legs sprawled out and supported by a few gentle cushions on their backs- curses, their proximity would drive Goro mad, he was sure- Ren placed the hot bowl of sugar atop of their thighs, switching on the old TV and the DVD player attached to it. How had DVD players even survived in this time and age?

“Alright, let’s get this thing started- have you ever heard of the movie beforehand?” “I’m afraid not. I am required to be up to date with some things, of course, but…I haven’t heard of this movie.” “That’s good- maybe you can try solving the case alongside then. I’m sure your smart brain will figure it out in no time.” “We’ll see.”

Goro hadn’t been able to solve the case quite fast enough- but it was mainly due to the supernatural elements mixed in the story, he claimed. “It’s just not fair, I can’t solve a case if you don’t even explain to me whether the movie is supposed to be realistic or not! How should I know how that dastardly Blackwood rose from his grave, if you don’t tell me there weren’t any supernatural elements at work?” Ren chuckled, and Goro was hyper aware of their proximity on the small bed- their shoulders and thighs were touching all the time, and there was no space to move away, anyway. Not to mention the amount of times their fingers had touched when trying to delve for some popcorn- it was oddly intimate.

The popcorn tasted way too sweet, and yet Goro couldn’t stop reaching for it.

He was able to feel the laughter shaking Ren’s shoulders, the rumble of his chest. Fuck, there was absolutely no reason this man was allowed to be as attractive as he was- just as there was no proper reason for Goro to participate in a slumber party. The two of them had been rather quiet watchers, Goro exclaiming sounds of surprises or wonder depending on the twists and turns of the story. All the while he felt Ren observing his every move.

_Good- don’t take your eyes off me. You’re not allowed to._

“I mean, it’s supposed to make the watcher cling to the edge of his seat- not tell him to think along and stuff.” “I am also rather offended by the unnecessary drug abuse and the physical violence included in this movie. I really do hope the public doesn’t think of us like that. There isn’t as much action and, let’s say, ‘fun’ involved when pursuing criminals- more tedious paperwork and useless interrogations, really.”

“No, Goro, it’s a work of fiction”, Ren giggled, a hand coming to cover his mouth- making Goro once again appreciate the slender, elegant fingers that he had been inadvertently touching over and over again- wondering what it’d be like if those fingers cupped his chin, his face, drawing Goro in. “Though, if you want to- there’s a sequel we could watch. Futaba picked that one up, too”, Ren suggested, throwing Goro off his thirst train.

Goro sincerely prayed Ren didn’t see the subtle pink creeping up his cheeks as he averted his eyes. “Only if there’s more popcorn.” “Ahhhh- you sure you can eat that many sweets in one night? I’m afraid it will take way too long for me to prepare a second bowl of popcorn, but I do have some chocolate and sour gums in the kitchen.”

“No popcorn?” Goro was wearing a pout- and he wasn’t even doing it consciously.

“Sorry, handsome”, he heard Ren chuckle- the laugh that meant he was up to no good, and Goro couldn’t even react on time, with what his arms being crossed and his gaze fixed on his naked toes- peeking up under their shared blanket- when Ren had already moved in way too close, leaving a soft peck on his cheek-

One that sent Goro flimsily dying on the inside.

“I’ll be sure to make it up with something equally sweet, I promise”, he heard Ren laugh as he scurried downstairs, leaving Goro behind in his misery.

Fuck, this guy really didn’t set up any boundaries, did he? Goro was aware that Ren was only being nice for a goal- a game that the both of them had settled onto- and it had been seldom the first kiss Goro had received- but the first one that had felt…oddly real.

He didn’t know if he’d be alive until the end of their stupid game, if Ren kept peppering him in…domesticity and feral energy.

Because fuck, yes, Goro _had_ been excited about being manhandled like that- there was something that turned him inevitably on when Ren focused his entire aggressive energy on him, throwing him roughly against the wall like that and seeing nothing but Goro in his vision, Goro being the entire-

Okay. Okay. So maybe Goro was a little weird. Or maybe masochistic was the right word? Goro wasn’t sure. Was that so wrong, though? Besides, the only one he felt like this towards to so far had been Ren- and Ren only.

He had no idea how to get Ren to dominate him again.

Fuck, why was he even _thinking_ of that?

Ren caught him groaning into his hands as he came up with another bowl, filled with sweets and unhealthy stuff Goro had always missed out on when he was a child- and honestly speaking, was still missing out on. “Come on, Goro, your stomach can’t quite give up on you yet- we have a massive amount of shit to eat ourselves through.”

Ren merely grinned when Goro threw him a disdainful glare.

“Alright, onto round 2!” Ren exclaimed excitedly, burying himself among the blanket again, stubbing their toes together- only this time around, he pulled Goro in closer than before, throwing an arm around his shoulders the same way Akira had done prior in the day- with the exception that it hadn’t set Goro’s heart in a frenzy like it had now, his body shuddering not because of disgust, but because-

He couldn’t even think, let alone focus on the movie like this. Ren, the little shit, knew exactly what he was doing- of that, Goro was sure as he half-sighed, half-groaned into Ren’s shoulder. “Aw, are we already sick of eating sweets?”

“Shut up- you know exactly why I’m- like this.”

“A mess, you mean”, Ren laughed, and Goro couldn’t help but breathe in the carefree laughter echoing in the attic. “Just focus on the movie, Goro”, he added teasingly, the hand that had previously rested on Goro’s shoulder now- now combing through his hair, up and down, in the most soothing motion Goro had ever had the luxury of experiencing of, and sometimes Ren even decided to add a little scratch here and there- as if petting a cat, and fuck, Goro really had to bite his lip to keep the groan from spilling out.

It felt like a safe haven to him, being in Ren’s arms like this- the smell of sweets and coffee and curry lulling his senses into inevitable sleep. This place was fake, he reminded himself as the loud sounds of action and fights from the movie surred through the room, as Ren kept petting and scratching him and- it was fake, but it sure didn’t feel like it, Goro thought, as his eyelids came down and a gentle darkness greeted him into its arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene isn't over yet...but the next scene is a change of POV and while it's rather short, I think it deserves its own chapter. So excited to share!  
> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated! How did you like the change of tides and the sleepover scene? The fluff is so warped if you think of the whole situation in itself, BUT IT'S STILL FLUFF AND makes my brain go mushy. Lol. 
> 
> Futaba is going to show up again, but later- and don't worry, there are still things in store for Goro and her! ;D


	9. Interlude: The moon shone bright, giving way for the darkness and losing its light; was it all so bad?

“You really do fall asleep easily with me, don’t you, Goro?” Ren mumbled into the brown mop of hair, conflicting emotions tearing him apart from the inside as he tried turning off the TV without jostling Goro awake again. “Is that really so smart? I could try and outsmart you, find more blackmail material…” he mumbled on as Goro’s quiet snores were the only answer he received.

“It does make me wonder, though, what kind of life you had so far, that you’re filled by nothing but bitterness and hate- that you can’t even try and trust another person without trying to search for the other’s intention. I doubt this stupid game I agreed to play will do you any good. I shouldn’t ever have started with blackmail, honestly”, Ren groaned, but he lowered his volume when Goro stirred in his arms. “Man, you’re like some sort of stray cat, you know? The really wild ones, that hate humans so much because they were abandoned and hurt by them. Good thing you have the asset of having a handsome face.” Goro gruffed at that, as if sensing Ren was making fun of him. “Welp, guess I fucked up. Then again, I’ve never been good at anything else, really.”

As if in response, Goro nuzzled in closer, nudging his head in a denying manner against the crook of Ren’s neck.

Needless to say, Ren melted. “I’m not the right person for love, Goro. I’m also not what you should be looking for. I guess, in a way…I’m glad you’re trying to seduce Akira. Maybe if you two get together you’ll realize what you _could_ have, instead of sticking with someone like me. Until then, I’ll try to keep up the act of a loving boyfriend- something Akira excels at, probably. Hopefully the illusion will confuse you- maybe I should pick up those horrible fake glasses to look more like Akira.”

Goro gave off some sort of noise, one resembling pain. Ren merely caressed his hair – but it was enough to have the brunet give off a sigh of pleasure and relax into him. “Dude, it’s a good thing I’m barely infatuated with you. I mean, luckily you really do use me as an outlet for your emotions- that’s good, really. I’m not really attracted to people yelling and punching me, as much as it might seem that way. It also seems to have a purifying effect on you as well.” The raven chuckled to himself, twisting one of Goro’s milky locks in his fingers.

“But it’s still weird, moments like these- when you open up to me, show me so much vulnerability. It makes me something in me stir- my hate towards the world, sure, but also…the feeling of protecting you. Similar to puppy love. It’s not real love, luckily- but I don’t know what might happen to me if you keep being this…stupid around me. I’d rather have you yelling and screaming at me for the rest of my life, really.” He let out a sigh.

“I doubt- you’d even look at the real me, not the one projected in your head. Not the suave motherfucker who riles you up all the time- who has a really bad bro con. That, at least, I openly admit to. I’m just a loser with nothing to lose and nothing to gain, really, that’s all there is to it. The few people I frequently fucked were just- taking pity on me and my annoying advances, really. I remember how Iwai told me ‘I can fuck you, but I can’t replace the hollowness in your chest, kid. You have to continue your quest to happiness elsewhere.’ It shocked me how well he saw through me. Well, I mean, it’s a good thing he can read teenagers so well- he and his kid will probably profit from that.”

Ren had succeeded into turning the TV off, sliding back against the soft caress of the sheets and pulling Goro into his embrace more eagerly. Goro was sprawled along his body, his head secured against Ren’s chest and heart, his arms winding up in random places, their legs stupidly intertwined as Ren held onto him, burying his head in Goro’s hair.

Ren breathed in deeply, hoping it would calm his stirring heart- but it didn’t help at all. If anything, Goro draped on him like this made him…think of things that were _definitely_ not a good choice to be thinking about right now.

“I better continue whispering sweet nothings into the air before I actually fantasize about making you mewl for me, Goro. You’d probably end up stuttering and blushing if I said that, though.” There was a slight irregular rise and fall of Ren’s chest, a laugh he couldn’t suppress. “Ah, really, I wonder…what it’d be like, if you were in my arms like this, but differently- if I were someone that people were actually drawn to, like my brother. If I had a future to build on- if you were on your knees in front of me, your mouth slick with saliva as you’re trying to pull down my pants with as much eagerness as- fuck, I need to stop, really.” The raven wanted to slap himself, but with his arms securing the brunet tightly against him, it was impossible.

“Point is…we’re not good for each other, as much as you wanna fuck me, Goro. We’re probably both broken, you in other levels than me, but still…broken. Honestly, it might be easier- to just have you let your way and fuck me, but…argh, it’s weird. It’s really weird, how our first conversation in Leblanc drew me in to you, made me curious. Now I can’t seem to let you go quite easily- maybe it’s some stupid part of my brain hoping we could actually end up being good for each other. Or maybe I’d just go paranoid if I didn’t know what you were doing with Akira now, in the future- I am serious about not having anyone hurt him, and having you close to me will at least keep me updated. I can always try and beat the shit out of you if you take things too far, after all. But I’m afraid, somehow, that if I let you fuck me, you’d be thrown out of the fantasy you have about me and leave me for good.”

Goro nudged his head again, scrubbing his head against Ren’s chest- making the latter laugh in fondness. “Seriously, you might be worse than a feral cat. I wonder how the world hurt you- I wonder if we’ll ever get to the point where we both get our shit together and could… _actually_ try ourselves at love. But, until then…”

Ren couldn’t help himself as he pressed a gentle kiss against Goro’s forehead, both boys melting into the simple touch. “You’re just searching for someone to give you love, baby”, Ren whispered, “And so am I, but…this combo- this constellation- it wouldn’t do good to either of us, really. You need someone else- someone who shows you the right way to live, to love yourself as much as you can love another person, someone who brightens up your day- someone like…Akira and his really way-too-trusting circle of friends.”

With those final words, with his arms drawing Goro tightly against him, Ren closed his eyes, falling into the deep darkness that surrounded his heart and succumbing to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to hear more about Ren and how he thinks of himself and Goro! This is probably going to end up being the shortest chapter of all, but it's very important, so I think it deserved its own place. How did you like it? Did I manage to make your heart squeeze a lil? Do you still dislike Ren, or what did you think about him in the first place? Leave a comment or a kudo!! Thank you very much in advance!


	10. The moon succumbed to darkness, little did he know a ploy; or did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finishing up the scene from the sleepover and moving on quickly back to campus life after this! Hope you enjoy.

Again, both men were thrown out of their peaceful slumber at exactly 6am in the morning, eliciting a groan out of the raven. “Fuck, Goro- the sun still isn’t up. You some kinda zombie or something? Else I can’t explain the obscene alarms you wake up to.”

“No”, Goro replied calmly, as he disentangled himself from Ren, seemingly bursting with energy, “I just have a work life to attend to.”

“Yeah, no shit”, Ren groaned back, burying his face in the pillow and letting out another low groan- Goro felt his lower half stir playfully at that.

_Keep it in your pants, you horny-ass._

Or maybe Ren could just shut up. That, however, didn’t seem possible, as Ren mumbled something into the cushion. “I’m afraid I can’t translate the language of ‘pillow talk’, yet, Kurusu”, Goro replied amusedly, as Ren let out another of his low groans, and okay, fuck, he had to stop that.

“I just said”, Ren grumbled out, “that I cannot _believe_ you don’t even sleep in on a fucking Sunday. Your lifestyle is a crime, Goro- for real.”

 _Most of the things I do are a crime, or are planned out to be._ “No, I just deal with crime. If you’ve forgotten, that’s part of my job description”, Goro chirped back, seemingly chipper- the livelier he seemed, the more it got on Ren’s nerves.

However, Ren wasn’t giving up on his own personal vendetta yet. He pulled himself up slightly, just to be able to discard his shirt swiftly and smoothly- it was merely one motion, really. The glimpse of naked skin, of fucking toned abs _because of course, what was Goro expecting_ as Ren buried himself in the sheets, laying on his stomach and throwing Goro the most sinful _bedroom_ look Goro had ever seen had his mouth going dry and his cheeks growing hot, and yeah, okay, fine, now he really had to deal with a little problem down there.

“ ‘S also fuckin’ hot, man.”

It certainly wasn’t. There was the slight sound of raindrops slamming against the windows and doors, a swift wind rattling the door downstairs- it wasn’t summer anymore, and there was absolutely no reason to get rid of one’s shirt like that. “Goroooooooooo”, Ren whined, “you need to check if I have a fever. I don’t feel good.”

“I’m sure that you know a thermometer is the only appropriate thing to check one’s temperature, as the ‘laying my hand on someone’s forehead’ isn’t a precise way to check at all-“ “I didn’t ask you to talk science to me, you prick, just get over here.”

With a huff, succumbing to the half-naked figure raking himself in the bedsheets, Goro drew closer- wow, he really needed something to drink, preferably right now. His mouth felt as dry as the Sahara when Ren turned around, presenting his glorious abs for all of Goro to see- snatching his hand and putting it onto his skin- his lower abdomen - all the while showing off a goofy grin.

“Whoops, wrong place. I’m kinda out of it today, really.”

“Right- of course.”

Needless to say, the place his hand had been placed was _awfully_ close to where Goro could glimpse a dangerous trail of hair leading downwards.

Goro tried not to rake his hungry eyes all along Ren’s body, refused to take the bait. When Ren had finally- _thank fuck_ \- guided Goro’s hand to his forehead, all the while letting Goro scratch and feel the every nook and cranny of his exposed skin- giving off some grunts that really _didn’t_ help Goro’s increasing problem- Goro couldn’t move his hand away fast enough, turning around as quickly as humanly possible.

“Your temperature feels normal. Stop being overdramatic.”

“I’m not hot at all?”

The fucker. “No”, Goro replied, as firmly as he could while his heart thumped like a wild rabbit fleeing from its predator, “you’re…not.”

He nearly jumped down the stairs to reach the bathroom as fast as possible- and cursed Ren for not possessing a proper shower.

“Explain to me one thing”, Goro demanded, freshly out of the bathroom, changed into some sparse clothing Ren had apparently laid out for him, having _finally_ taken care of a certain throb in his body that left him feeling- urgh, fine, he felt oddly relaxed, like he hadn’t felt in years. There wasn’t any reason to feel guilty about using someone as jack-off material when you had been baited stronger than a paid stripper working in a club, after all.

Ren’s body had disappeared in the sheets again, and all Goro could glimpse was a mop of wild hair, really- he wondered when he could finally have the luxury of running his hands through that, tugging harshly on strands as-

 _Alright, no need to make this morning more excited than it had already been,_ Goro reminded himself.

“Mhm?” he heard Ren respond.

“How on earth have you survived to live in this place without a shower for _five_ years? Please don’t tell me you haven’t showered since then.”

Ren laughed, shaking the creaky bed under him- that was merely held up by _milk crates,_ Goro realized in horror. “First of all, there’s a bathhouse opposite of this place. I’m like, a regular.” “Oh, I sure hope you are. I don’t want to think about how to wash off the dirt of my hands for touching you, really.”

“I don’t think you’d mind, giving how excited you got from that ‘touching’ earlier, little virgin.” Protest rose in Goro’s throat, but Ren continued relentlessly: “Besides, I’m pretty sure you washed off your own ‘dirt’ a few minutes ago, really. ”

“Wha-“ Goro stuttered, feeling his entire body grow hot out of shame before he yelled: “Shut up!”

Goro was afraid the bed would crack under the amount of laughter spilling forth of Ren. “Alright, alright. Secondly, I actually don’t live here all the time.”

The detective narrowed his eyes at that. “What do you mean?” “I mean, brat, that I have a second apartment. Sojiro wouldn’t ever let me pay rent here- said it was too inhumane, really, and that I should actually move out. So I- tried that. Tried, meaning most of the time I actually still stay over here, while I have another apartment above Lala’s bar.”

“Crossroads?” Goro asked, astonished. “Yeah, she rented me that shit. It’s actually more of an unnecessary grand studio apartment, way too huge for my tiny ass- or sexy ass, depending how _you_ look at it-“ Goro threw him a glare for the stupid joke, only eliciting giggles again, -“to live in. She also won’t let me pay the full rent- since I barely use it, she claims. Even if I tell her that’s like, really unnecessary. But she only ever says she has dozens of these studios, and is glad it’s in someone’s hands. She said I’ll realize I need it sometime, so it’s rented out on my name while at the same time- it’s not. Lala claims once I start using it full-time she’ll just collect my debts for never paying all those years back. And _that_ place has the most luxurious bath I have ever seen, so yeah- that helps.”

“When you bring over one night stands, you mean.” Goro _hated_ the jealously tinting his voice.

Luckily, there was no need for jealously. “Nah, I don’t bring anyone over to my place. You heard Futaba yesterday- Boss said no fucking allowed here, once he realized I had a tendency to…sleep around a bit. And I don’t dare take anyone to the place above Crossroads, because it’s way too easy to remember and have stalkers on your doorstep.”

“So you…sleep over at their places?”

“Urgh, look, it kind of depends? Like, I told you I don’t sleep with any strangers- that’s like a big no.”

“So you only fuck your friends?” That was…maybe more questionable than sleeping with strangers.

“Nooooooo. Look, it’s complicated, alright? Why are we even talking about this? You should start with your work, or else waking me up at this time around was completely pointless and _then_ I’d really have to get angry.”

Ren had a point. “I’ll be downstairs, then”, Goro said, turning on his heels. He hadn’t even bothered to bring his suitcase up here, so he sat in his favorite booth while spreading out his paperwork with a sigh.

Shortly after, Ren tapped downstairs as well- and, to Goro’s relief, was fully dressed, clad in some loose pants and a shirt from the ‘Yankee baseball team’.

He automatically got to work in the kitchen, chatting with Goro whenever he felt like it. “Boss is probably gonna drop by around, like, 8am? He opens the café rather late on Sundays, but he likes to check up on the inventory and stuff until then. I’m sure he won’t mind you, as long as you keep up your perfectly polished manners. But he’s probably still gonna recognize you, so yeah- don’t freak out on him.”

“I don’t usually ‘freak out’ on people, Kurusu.” “Hm, I made some different experiences in regards to that, Goro.”

“Because you and your stupid brothers are the exception.”

_Both of you drive me mad. Just differently._

There was a gentle hum in the air, a song playing along Ren’s lips as he prepared them breakfast- Goro was actually expecting curry, to be entirely honest.

He was more than just surprised to be served a stack of golden, syrupy pancakes, having been too immersed in his work than to recognize the sweet smell in the air. The pancakes had the perfect color, just as the popcorn had had- the golden sunset of a summer afternoon- and they were drizzling with honey-syrup rolling down everywhere, making the stack of pancakes an impossible thing to resist.

Goro’s stomach nearly howled in pain just looking at it.

He threw a glance at Ren, who had settled for an omelet with some artful décor- there were the usual herbs and vegetables adorning it, but apparently Ren had a weakness for melted cheese, as there were unspeakable amounts of it atop the omelet.

“Pancakes- but-“ Goro nearly choked at the sudden stimulation of what must have been all his salivary glands springing to air at once, flooding his mouth. “Yeah, see, I turned on my phone, and Futaba apparently dug up some old articles on you. She said you might have a weaknesses for pancakes. I can’t live off of curry alone, either, you know? Eating it day and night was all I did for a while back in my teen years, when I didn’t know how to cook. Sojiro isn’t a big fan of cooking various recipes, so it was all I had for a while- and while that isn’t necessarily bad- it just, you know. I needed variety.”

Goro nearly mewled out in pleasure as he took a bite of the pancakes- how did Ren even manage to make them not only look good, but also achieve the perfect level of fluffiness needed to make it feel like you were eating candy floss? The pancake dissolved almost immediately, mixing the syrup with the dough perfectly and filling every inch of his mouth as the flavors expanded and grew.

“How- this- is there anything you _can’t_ cook, Kurusu?” Goro groaned out among another piece of pancake in his mouth- an obscenely bigger bite than before. He didn’t care that he was violating all the perfect table manners he had acquired over the years- he was still using a fork and a knife, after all, but _fuck,_ the cooking skills of this man had to be yet another crime.

“Hm, I don’t really know. Besides, I didn’t get this good that fast, you know? I had a lot of free time to use and practice in these five years. It seemed plausible for me to pick up cooking and laundry and all that shit, since I didn’t have anything else to do. I didn’t want to add to Sojiro’s burdens, he had his hands full with Futaba anyway.”

Goro remained quiet, even though he grew more and more curious about what had happened in Ren’s past. Did the raven never end up attending school, or why did he have so much free time on his hands? Whatever it was that had happened, it must have been something big- obviously something linked to his cut-off twin, but Goro also knew Ren wouldn’t open up just yet.

Maybe he’d have to find out himself.

For now, he’d have to wait and see, however, as devouring this incredible meal took priority. Goro didn’t know, after all, for how long he’d have the luxury of enjoying Ren’s meals like this.

“Do you wanna have a taste of the omelet, by the way? I don’t know if you like melted cheese, cuz it’s a weakness of mine.” Ren picked up a piece of the omelet with his fork, raising it into the air- daring Goro to take a bite.

Goro, of course, was never one to back down from a challenge.

He leaned over, tilting his upper body slightly for better access and took in the whole fork with one bite- and as always, his senses were overloaded by the incredible taste of homemade food made by a brilliant cook. He hadn’t even realized he had closed his eyes until he opened them again, only to be greeted by a carefree smirk.

“That good?”

“Well, it’s…not bad, I guess.”

Goro decided to return the offer. “You probably haven’t tasted your pancakes, Kurusu. You should take a bite.” Goro returned the gesture to Ren, whose eyes glinted teasingly- Goro only realized he was up to no good when it was too late.

Ren’s tongue swirled over the fork, as if performing some sort of talent show, and his canines glinted dangerously as he slickened the bite with his spit before pulling the food back into his throat as far as he could- seemingly showing off no choking reflexes as he groaned around it, the vibrations climbing all the way back into Goro’s arm, his body, his…awfully _interested_ , stirring lower body, Ren maintaining eye contact as he practically deep-throated the shit out of a single piece of food.

He released the fork with a soft ‘pop’, his tongue darting out to lick all over his lips while he maintained Goro’s gaze- or, more precisely, banned Goro from looking anywhere but him and his- his truly villainous self.

“Not bad”, Ren commented, a cheeky grin on his face, before continuing to eat as if nothing happened. “Oh, if you want more from my omelet, just say so.”

Goro pointedly remained quiet for the rest of the breakfast, afraid his libido would go mad.

Needless to say, Goro blamed the hotness of his body on the ‘fever’ Ren must have inflicted on him this morning.

Why on earth the sudden personality change? Goro was aware Ren had some sort of no-fucking-Goro policy, but all these teasing actions made him go frantic as fuck. He hadn’t even been aware something else but anger and fury could burn his body up like this, hadn’t been turned on from…well, anyone in years, truth be told. What was this all about?

The answer to that would not be given to him.

But then again, it wasn’t like Goro was…awfully perturbed by that, really. His libido _certainly_ didn’t mind the newfound attention and goal to latch onto.

He buried himself into his work as Ren cleaned up, barely hearing the doorbell chime as Sojiro entered the café, throwing a pointed look in both of the boys’ directions- more specifically, on Ren. “You didn’t tell me you had a friend coming over, Ren”, he murmured as he passed by Goro, turning behind the counter. “I heard Futaba saying something about- a slumber party. Really? With the delinquent kid I told you _not_ to let in again?”

Goro flinched at that. “Sojiro, he’s not a delinquent. He’s some sort of TV idol or something- you know I don’t keep up with the news and shit, and I’m sure Futaba chewed your ear off about it, anyway.”

“Yes, she told me- he’s a detective, Ren. I hope you know what you’re doing. Playing with fire is sure gonna get you burned.” Sojiro had whispered the last part, but Goro had acquired good listening skills over the years.

However, Ren didn’t seem disturbed at all. “He’s fine, Sojiro. And don’t worry- I upheld the rules. I didn’t- you know.” He sheepishly grinned, and it seemed to be the end of their exchange as the owner only let out a long sigh, turning around to busy himself with the shelves. Goro didn’t hear what Sojiro muttered under his breath, a ‘I feel like I can’t stop you from doing shit, anyway, Ren’.

Alright, so Ren had some sort of criminal background- that wasn’t hard to guess, considering all the hints and stories Goro had heard of him so far. It’d explain why Sojiro was afraid Ren was involved with a detective, being less worried he’d dragged in some sort of delinquent kid. Chances were, Goro could find him in a file- Goro still didn’t know if Ren had been born and raised in Tokyo or elsewhere, but the hints suggested he came here five years ago, deported into Sojiro’s attic and…well. The rest was still shrouded in mystery.

Goro would find out, sooner or later-he was sure of it.

***

Sae inquired how his sleepover had gone. Goro flashed her a big smile, lying about how it had certainly been one of the best evenings in his life.

Except…that it hadn’t been much of a lie. Of course, the beginning had been rather unpleasant, but the rest? Especially breakfast in the morning. Goro would never admit, but it was one of the most pleasant mornings he’s ever had in a while.

Wistfully, he imagined how life could be if he’d be the sort of person who’d have the luxury of enjoying such a life. But it was a matter of fact that- he didn’t. He never would, and all that counted was that he got his revenge in before Shido discarded him, making all of Goro’s work useless.

No, he couldn’t focus on romance in his life- or rather, the lack of it.

He kept reminding himself of that until late in the evening, when he sat in his home, unpacking his duffle bag and- hitting something sturdy and hard. He pulled the alien product out- quickly realizing it was actually a Tupperware box made of glass, a plastic lid covering it.

There was a small post-it note atop of the box. _Made you some fish’n chips to eat tonight. Don’t forget to warm it up xoxo_

Ren had handed Goro his bag before the detective had to leave for work, sheepishly saying he’d already packed everything- except Goro’s suit from yesterday. He promised to have it washed and ironed, and luckily, Ren had had the foresight of grabbing a spare suit of Goro’s when he had packed Goro’s bag the other day- how _that_ hadn’t ended up being crumpled, Goro would never know.

Goro also pointedly ignored how much of a housewife Ren was, gently loosening the lid of the box and putting the rest into his oven.

These twins really had something when it came to cooking for Goro, didn’t they? It felt like Goro was put under some sort of charity organization, but instead of being pissed at their actions, Goro simply thought back of the feeling of being thrown against the wall, cuddled to sleep, and…

Well.

It was difficult to eat while working through the few leftover papers and prepare for tomorrow’s classes, but Goro managed to pull through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren is a fucking dork. And also embarrassing as hell, but ngl I laughed my ass off as I wrote this lol


	11. Moonlight crashes forth against the rays of sun; who will succeed?

It was almost depressing to head to college without being served pancakes that were prodding on the illegal border of overstimulation. Goro’s stomach growled on his way to class, and he pointedly ignored a few curious glances thrown his way- no one could really say whose stomach had been growling for food, after all.

He’d almost forgotten his new sub-mission before he’d glimpsed Akira from far away, the raven winking at him excitedly.

“Morning, your loyal grumpiness”, he greeted Goro cheerfully, falling into stride with him.

“Why would you call me that? As far as I’m concerned, you haven’t ever seen me rise out of bed.” Just one other guy had. “Alright, fair point. I just thought, you know? Almost all my friends hate waking up early, and it’s always so hard to pull Ryuji and Yusuke out of bed- though, I suppose Yusuke is out of bed rather quickly if something interests him. I’m, like, the only morning person in my circle of friends, so I assumed you wouldn’t like waking up early, either- you’re part of the circle now, after all.” “Hm. From the way you’re talking, I’m assuming you’re living together with those friends of yours?” Goro pointedly ignored being called a friend.

“Correct”, Akira nodded, flashing a cheeky smile at Goro, “Your detective skills are no joke!” “Please, this was hardly difficult to figure out.” However, Goro couldn’t suppress the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. This guy was so simple-minded and easy to impress- a bland contrast to his brother.

“No, I mean it! I’ve followed your career for a long time, you know? I mean, technically I only got to know you when I graduated from high school, because that’s when I moved to Tokyo, and actually owned a TV and a smartphone to keep up with everything, you know?”

Huh. Goro hadn’t expected to have been pursued for so long, even less for so many years, but he filed the newfound information about owning a phone and TV into the back of his head. It might help connect the dots of the twin’s mystery in the long run.

“Speaking of my detective skills, though…I do have a question.” Akira eyed him curiously, beckoning him to continue.

“Your glasses…they’re fake, are they?”

Akira was quiet for a while, before scratching the back of his head sheepishly, averting his gaze. “Busted! How’d you guess?!”

“Actually, it was just a guess”, Goro hummed, darting his hand out towards Akira, pulling the hideous, nerdy glasses off-

Granted, the sight he was met with was almost as beautiful as meeting Ren in person- with the exception that Akira had the smallest of moles right under his left eye, so small you wouldn’t ever glimpse a sight of it with his glasses on. Ren’s face was impeccable- no moles, heck, no acne scars or hints of freckles unlike Akira’s, and Goro hadn’t even realize how close he had moved in, how his thumb was slowly caressing the every inch of Akira’s skin, how intense his gaze had turned, locking onto every detail that separated the twins. His thumb fondled the skin almost lovingly, like he’d so desperately wanted to do to Ren but had been afraid- afraid it’d be taken as a sign of weakness, of fondness, but this was Akira- it wouldn’t matter, it was just research, comparing two binovular twins that could almost be fooled as monozygotic- at least on the outside.

Goro’s thumb started stroking Akira’s lower lip as he thought about Ren and him clashing together, over and over again like in some sort of survival fight, and he wondered if Akira’s lips would feel the same as Ren’s- until Akira’s face grew hot under his touch, Akira’s long eyelashes flattering up and down rather nervously as he croaked out: “Uh, Akechi? You’re kinda- …We’re gonna be late for class?”

Akira squeaked the last part, as if the last breath of air had been knocked out of his lunges, and Goro sprung away as if he’d been burned- shit, he’d gotten lost in his stupid fantasy. He threw a few nervous glances around him, but it didn’t seem like anyone had noticed the two of them- Goro still felt like hurling as Akira asked for his glasses back.

Goro hadn’t ever been this- this unfocused, this- confused. He shouldn’t be- he’d told himself over and over again.

This was exactly why he wasn’t allowed to have feelings. They were a nuisance- and they made him vulnerable. It was fine to view Ren as some sort of object of desire, of a trophy he could own and show off- even if that made him the same as Shido when it came to women.

But apparently, his feelings weren’t veering into that direction, they were veering into some sort of carnal-desire direction- which, at first, weren’t even that much of a problem.

It was turning into a problem if he kept being distracted by Ren so much he couldn’t even _think_ of how to achieve certain goals without turning into some sort of gay disaster. Argh. 

Unbeknownst to him, his undesired loss of control lead to the rather desired side effect of Akira growing more and more aware of him- but for Goro to understand that, a lot of time would have to pass first. By the time Goro would realize that, he’d been on a different path of life altogether.

Despite the rather awkward morning encounter- turned awkward by Goro, that was- Akira still insisted on dragging him to lunch, pointing out he’d prepared food and- well, Goro couldn’t really turn that invitation down.

Akira hooked their arms together, earning himself a very skeptical look from Goro, but he merely shrugged. “I don’t know if you’ll try to run away or something, so this will help ensure me you won’t!”

The smile on Akira’s face couldn’t be described as anything else but bashful.

With their arms linked together, Akira excitedly chatted about all kinds of things while Goro merely nodded along, adding a few sounds of agree-or-disagreement, depending on the context. Goro wasn’t exactly bored- there were a lot of things he could pick out and analyze- but he felt as if some exciting part was missing, something that riled him up and drew him in- something Akira distinctively seemed to lack in comparison to his brother, despite so many people surrounding both of them. Or maybe it was just Goro’s imagination, he couldn’t say.

When they reached the usual lunch place, Ryuji was already waiting, swinging his legs. He stopped swinging when he spotted Goro being dragged by Akira, and Goro was half-expectantly waiting for Ryuji to pounce on him again, being the rowdy he was. However, Ryuji produced a meek smile, greeting both of them: “Hey, bro! Hello..Akechi.” Ryuji observed the linked arms warily, and Goro wondered whether he was going to be released from the grip.

As if hearing his thoughts, Akira disentangled himself from Goro, greeting Ryuji with some sort of complex hand-and-foot-shake before both giggled and Akira jumped up to sit onto the table. He- obviously- gestured Goro to sit next to him, handing him a different lunch box than before. This one had something like-

“Is this a Featherman R motived lunchbox?” Goro asked, unable to hide the astonishment in his voice. Apparently, this caught both of the boys completely off-guard. Akira was the first to find his voice again. “You know the series?”

“Yes, I, well…I have- heard of it. I have…fine, I have watched all of it and I’m still keeping up-to-date with it.”

The rather simple cartoon series about masked heroes and their difficulties on their quest to fulfill justice had touched Goro’s heart back as a teen. It kept him alive, for a while, being something to bring joy to his life- because as simple and predictable as it was, it was oddly satisfying to watch evil being vanquished.

Goro belatedly realized he’d probably be laughed at that for his childish obsession, trying to find something to cover his slip-up up, but…

Well, Ryuji merely shrugged his shoulders as he commented: “If you like that stuff, well…enjoy it? It’s not my thing at all, but Akira somehow likes to collect that stuff. As far as I know, he isn’t even much of a fan of it, though.”

Akira nodded, a fond smile grazing his face. “It’s…something I used to fight about with a good friend of mine- Ren. He hated the series, but I always wanted to watch it, so he had to force himself through it. It probably lessened his like even more, thinking back on it. It just- when I see stuff like that, I can’t help but buy it, as if to spite him- I-“

Goro’s eyes widened in shock as Akira’s eyes grew damp. “Shit, sorry.” His voice seemed near choked now, earning himself an alarmed look by Ryuji. “Dude- what’s up-?”

“This is a really limited version, though. How did you even come across it?” Ryuji threw Goro a nasty glare- how could he just ignore Akira was about to burst into tears? “I actually wanted to buy myself one, but I was too late- I was kept up with work and, well, a few fangirls were bothering me on my way as well, so I never really got to have it myself. You must have gotten up very early for this.”

“Actually”, Akira half-laughed, half-choked out, the wary gaze of Ryuji darting between the two men, “I skipped Latin classes for it.”

“That certainly explains the drop in rank, Kurusu. Well, at least it gets me the luxury of…eating from a finely designed lunch box, so maybe I can forego the fact that you were a bad student.”

Akira laughed at that, and Ryuji was glad to see his friend back on his feet- had Goro fucking stuck-up Akechi really succeeded in comforting his friend…by outing himself as a nerd of a child series?

The world was full of wonder.

“Akira”, Akira softly added, nudging Goro with his elbow as the latter opened the lunch box- rice with furikake. Goro only looked back in confusion, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“Why are you saying your own name, Kurusu? Did you hit your head too strongly-” “No, no”, Akira giggled, “I’m saying, I want you to call me by my name. Kurusu is just- it’s not suited for friends.”

“I- I don’t want you to call me Goro, though.” Goro felt strangely possessive about the fact that Ren was the only person to call him by his first name so far, and he wouldn’t- he didn’t want to give that up. It felt…oddly special.

Akira only gave him a knowing smile. “That’s fine. I just want you to call me Akira, if you feel comfortable enough.”

As Goro agreed, he’d realized once again Ren had yet to introduce himself.

Lunch break actually passed by rather peacefully, with Ryuji holding few, but rather friendly conversations with Goro. Ryuji apparently wanted to become a P.E. teacher, but was specializing to deal with ‘problem children’ along the way.

It surprised Goro, who hadn’t thought much of Ryuji, especially as the blonde stated: “See, most kids, they’re just…misunderstood. Or they didn’t get the love and attention they deserved. Point is, most ‘problem children’ are acting out because of their parents- lack of attention, of love, or worse- abuse ‘n shit. That’s not cool- but most people don’t understand that it’s more of the shitty adults that mess up kids than the kids themselves. Of course that doesn’t excuse if the kid starts bullying or threatening people or shit like that- that’s not what I mean. It’s- well, I bet you have a different opinion about it, Mr. Sparkly Detective guy.”

Goro blinked. “Actually, I…It surprises me to say, but we…apparently share the same opinion here.”

Ryuji was ready to argue back and was just as puzzled when both of them were left speechless. Only Akira was smiling, quietly, as he interjected: “I think the two of you have a lot more in common than either of you is willing to admit, actually.”

Needless to say, that caused both guys to gruff indignantly and debate all over again, pointing out their differences- Goro using his popularity with the women riled Ryuji up so badly, Goro was glad lunch was over and they all had to find themselves back into their classes.

However, shortly before they went their ways, Ryuji bumped Goro’s and his shoulders together. “I guess you’re not that bad, man. Sorry for being a dick before.”

Then he sprinted off.

“You look entertained.”

Goro was startled out of thought by Akira’s statement.

“Excuse me?”

“You look as if you’re about to smile, Akechi. Could it be you took much more of a liking on Ryuji than you wanna admit? Cuz it sure looks that way to me.”

 _No way in hell I’d appreciate that cretin,_ Goro thought, _but it’s not like hating on your friends is gonna make you appreciate me more._

“Maybe”, he replied vaguely instead.

Only, he wasn’t so sure about what had been a lie and what not anymore.

***

When the bells rung, Akira caught Goro before the latter was able to leave for work. “Wait, Akechi! We…we haven’t exchanged numbers yet?” “Oh. Of course.” It’d prove useful to have his number- and he could taunt Ren with it. “I don’t have a smartphone, and I’m not the avid texter, but it makes sense to exchange information.”

Goro handed his phone over without second thought- he realized too late it was a bad idea until his phone began buzzing, announcing incoming texts. He had set this chime for a certain guy- Shido didn’t have one as he wasn’t saved.

Shit.

He tried prying his phone away from Akira a little too harshly, he belatedly realized, but the damage must have been done. He saw Akira connect the dots from the displayed name to whatever message had been sent to him- had tried _sabotaging him_ , Goro was sure.

“That, uh...’Cutest barista’ refers to my brother, right?”

Argh. The little shit. He must have been listening in to their conversation and butted in to destroy Goro’s plan, because no way in hell had that been mere coincidence.

“Soooo…” Akira drawled, his lips puckered funnily, “You, uh…you think he’s cute?” “No! I mean, yes- I mean, not in that way- I mean, urgh-“

They didn’t look alike in Goro’s eyes, and yet obviously he couldn’t claim he thought Ren was ugly, because then Akira would automatically assume Goro wasn’t into him, either, and-

The longer Goro fumbled to find the proper words, the more time it gave Akira to think things through-to misinterpret them. Could it be that Goro saw Ren in him, and that had been the reason he was hanging out with him? Especially considering the content of the messages. Maybe they were even already in the dating phase.

Uh oh. When Goro finally got a hold of himself, there was a shadowy smile on Akira’s face. “Uh, you know what? I saved my number with you, so just- text me anytime, so that I can save your number, too. I was just- reminded, I need to pick some things up and have to hurry, and I held you up long enough- so, uh, see you tomorrow?”

Before Goro could say anything in return, Akira had already darted away.

The sheer nerve of this bastard. Angrily, Goro went to check his messages- and of course, there it was, mocking him, the cursed thing.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (17:45): whatcha up to sweetheart. I miss u_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (17:45): I wanna kiss u so bad_

And another one, right after Akira had darted away.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (17:46): LMAOOOOOOO HAVE FUN CLEANING THIS MESS UP_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (17:47): I wonder how he’s gonna be convinced u like him now_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (17:48): I’m the best love cupid ever._

It took more than just Goro’s willpower not to destroy the phone right then and there- Goro refrained from doing so as he reminded himself that it was Akira’s phone that had been bugged, not his own.

_Me (18:00): Just you wait. He’ll be in my arms soon. I’ll turn this around._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (18:02): suuuuuuuuure lmao_

_Me (18:03): dick_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (18:05): yeah mine’s impressive ik_

Goro refused to answer to that. His cheeks were on fire, anyway.

He knew what he had to do. He had to confess as soon as he could- and he needed someone’s help for that. He couldn’t let Ren overhear his confession- and he knew exactly how to prevent that from happening. A gullible woman- one that had a weakness for romance.

Goro cursed himself for not owning Ann’s phone number.

In the evening, when he had collapsed onto his bed, exhausted from work and tired of anyone’s expectation from him, tired from the world- he pulled out his phone, scrolled up to a certain message of a certain person- and he imagined, what it’d be like, to have that person press kisses all over his body, hungrily, as if he couldn’t be sated, to have his possessive attention, to have those onyx eyes stir up the same storm in Goro’s body that resided in him himself, to have him call him ‘sweetheart’ in the few instances his lips left Goro’s body, until he engrained the words into Goro’s body, until Goro’s voice would be hoarse from screaming and he’d finally, _finally,_ let their lips crash together-

He hadn’t thought he’d come from the mere fantasy, but he sighed as he felt his pajamas dampen and his excitement spurt out- _Ren’s pajamas, the ones he’d also sneakily thrown into the duffle bag._

Goro decided to burn today’s happenings deeply in some part of his brain, never for anyone to know.

Except that he couldn’t burn the pajamas, only wash them.

Well, sometimes you had to make compromises in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Ren's mischief lol


	12. Interference of a fool between the clash of sun and moon; where hath 'tis lead?

The next morning, Goro was on a mission. He’d have to find someone- anyone- from Kurusu’s circle of friends, or most preferably, find Ann herself, and get this misunderstanding out of the way before it escalated. Akira could have already talked himself into believing Goro was madly in love with his twin brother- and if that happened, it’d be very difficult to turn this situation around.

Usually, luck was not on his side. Today, however, was an unusual lucky day for Goro as he found a blonde girl sitting on one of the ping-pong tables, whipping back on forth from the possible music resounding in her headphones. Goro scanned the area, and when he saw no one else but her, he quickly ran up to her, clamping her mouth shut when she was about to greet him with his name. “Hey, Ake-mpf!”

She looked rather irked, as Goro pulled out his phone, displaying her the text message he’d already prepared last night. _Sorry_ , it said, _I’m afraid a rather annoying stalker has hacked my phone, and he could have possibly hacked Akira’s phone- and from there, yours or any of his contacts, too. I need you to put any electronic device away, and go talk somewhere where no one disturbs us, as Akira has gotten the completely wrong idea about this whole situation_.

If Ren was capable of hacking Akira’s phone- who’s to say he hadn’t hacked his friends’ phones, too? This might have been a bit over-to-top, but it wouldn’t hurt to be careful here.

Ann nodded, and when Goro trusted her not to start babbling, slowly removed his hand, walking away. She followed him, a rather grim expression on her usual friendly face, and when Goro deemed it to be safe, gestured her to talk. “Oh my god, what happened, Akechi?!” She was half whispering, half-yelling, but Goro could appreciate the…intent to stay quiet.

He tried to seem dejected and annoyed at the same time, but the latter was easier to display than the former. “Well, I’m sure as someone in the same business- you know how it is sometimes. Sometimes, you’re just trying to be nice to your fans, but they start misinterpreting your intentions- they talk themselves into this frenzy of thinking they’re special. I’ve sometimes have the problem of attracting unwanted stalkers, that is, and usually I can take care of them- or they stop pursuing me themselves.”

Ann nodded vigorously.

“See, this time around- this stalker seems to be in possession of extremely annoying skills. He’s able to hack himself into my phone, and he- urgh-“ Goro thought of that beautiful body, so soft and yet so hard under his hand, in order to make himself shudder- hopefully he didn’t seem all too _pleased_. “He sends me messages from different phones I just can’t seem to trace back- and somehow, he’s even able to save himself in my contacts.”

“Uh, okay?”

“The problem is”, Goro sighed, “yesterday, I wanted to save Akira’s phone number into my phone, so I handed him my phone- and the stalker seemed to have overheard it or something- so he deliberately sent messages to throw Akira off-track.”

“What- do you mean…What kind of- don’t tell me-?!”

Goro nodded sagely. “He’d saved himself as some sort of ‘cute guy’ or something. Then there were…a few obscene messages I really _don’t_ wish to recall here. Of course, Akira misunderstood- any progress I had made so far was utterly destroyed by those messages.”

It was the most plausible story Goro had been able to come up with- one that wasn’t too unrealistic, and one that would evoke enough pity as to not be questioned. “I am- extremely mad and frustrated, you see. I have already left my phone in the precinct for further investigations, but I don’t know how fast we can catch this madman. I also don’t really know how to clear the misunderstanding with Akira, as he ran away rather embarrassedly, not leaving me any time to explain this- this whole ordeal.”

Ann’s eyes widened in shock, a pitiful look in her eyes. “Oh no, Akechi…”

Goro sighed theatrically. “I couldn’t text him- I was too afraid the hacker had already infiltrated other people’s phones as well, and I haven’t seen him today. I fear he has already constructed some sort of misunderstanding in his head when it comes to the object of my…uh, desired affections. He didn’t seem to believe me when I tried calling some of this information after him. I’m…at a loss, to be frank. I’m also afraid of speaking too openly of this, because in case the hacker has only infiltrated my phone and no others, I don’t want Akira to worry endlessly- making this all…quite a mess, really.”

Goro almost jerked in surprise as Ann grabbed both his hands, a determined look in her eyes. “No, Akechi.”

“Sorry?” Did she find his lies unbelievable? Had she not been as gullible as Goro had thought?

“No! There’s no way in hell you can just give up here. This is stupid, anyway. And I’m so, so sorry something so scary happened to you- I understand how you feel, really.”

_Stop lying. No one ever understands how I feel._

“I also deal with stalkers from time to time, and that’s already bad enough- but gaining personal information and using it as dirty as that?!” Ann squeezed Goro’s hands, her expression fuming anger. “I can’t believe that! And it’s just like Akira to, like, draw his own conclusions and shit. At first, I thought you were a bit crazy to go off on electronic devices and stuff like that, to be honest- I lied about my hacked friend so you wouldn’t think I was actually thinking you were overreacting to make you trust me more.”

What? This dumb bitch had _dared_ to play Goro like that? “But now I get it- this is horrible, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t think of this before! I’m really sorry. I’d hug you, but I know you don’t like skinship toooo much, haha.”

Well, thank fuck she at least understood that. Goro had to hide the broiling anger of being tricked by someone he deemed completely dumb behind the mask of being angry at this ‘hacker’.

“I promise to snatch Akira’s phone away the next time all of us meet up- scratch that, I’m gonna call him right now and tell him to come if he’s here. I don’t know why he’s late, anyway- and then you should clear this misunderstanding up.”

“Thank you, Takamaki.” Hopefully she’d interpret his gritted teeth and clenched jaw as anger at the hacker, not at her.

“Ann”, she replied. “I want you to call me Ann, Akechi. We’re friends now, right? You don’t have to act all distant and stuff. I mean, I won’t call you by your first name until you grow comfortable with the amount of nut-job people we surround ourselves with, but- you should know that you can trust us. Trust me! And, you’ve already shown me so much trust already, by confessing your true feelings and- asking me for help now. Thank you, Akechi.”

Ann’s smile was as dazzling as Goro’s soul was black.

“I know all this must have- been really exhausting for you. And, you know, I don’t wanna make this about me or anything, but most people think I’m really dumb- like, I’m a model- I’m blonde- heck, I’m not even full Japanese, while we’re at it. People look at me and start labeling me with all kinds of prejudices they make up in their head.”

Goro knew what she was talking about painfully well.

“Point is- I don’t wanna evoke your pity or something, but usually…people don’t think I can be trusted- they think I’m too dumb for anything, really. Honestly, half the reason I’m at college and actually studying even though I could easily jump into entertainment business without a degree is because of spite. I just wanna show those people what I can do. That they’re wrong, and dumb, and they can’t just think and label people as they please.” Ann talked herself into rage, but her next words were soft.

“That’s why, when you came up to me, and especially right now- I don’t think you realize how much it means to me. Of course, I stiiiiill kinda have my doubts about how you feel about Akira and stuff, cuz like, I mean, I don’t know if you’ve truly been pining after him for so long or if this is…just some sorta game to you. But it’s mean of me to doubt you like that if you trust yourself so openly with me.”

The witch had even played the way she had screeched about Goro’s confession? Well, she was even more wicked than Goro thought. But also…

Somehow, her words were driving a knife into Goro’s body. After all, he’d labelled her exactly the same- heck, she was still the dumb, all-believing girl in his eyes. But she was also thanking him- for what, trusting her? What had Goro ever trusted her with? His lies? She was truly dumb if she meant what she said. Goro had to revise his opinion of her, however - she was a little smarter than what he initially credited her as, but not smart enough to outsmart him.

Still, Goro felt a pang in his chest as she squeezed his hands, smiling gently at him. “We’re gonna turn this dilemma around, ‘kay? And you’re gonna confess your undying love so gallantly that Akira won’t even able to resist you- and we’ll also catch that hacker! I mean, okay, I probably won’t contribute to that, but your precinct and yourself will. Things are gonna be alright!”

How often had Goro heard similar words and nothing had come of it- how often had the world let him down like that? He’d stopped counting, stopped trusting altogether. No one would help him if he was ever in a pinch.

Not even the blonde in front of him, whipping back and forth on her feet to an unknown tune, conjuring a plan in her head how to approach his problem.

No, no one would.

***

Except that she did. “Listen. So, it might be a little fast, but I think you should confess to Akira. It risks the fact that he won’t believe you, of course, but I mean- you weren’t thaaaat unsubtle towards him. You literally flirted on the first day, and from what I heard from the others- you did have _a lot_ skinship with him in comparison to other people. Plus, you tried apologizing by giving him chocolate- how cute is that?! And from your confession –about him- to me- I did have the feeling you were fairly serious. Considering all that- I mean, there’s always the chance he’ll reject you, but even he isn’t that dense. I’m fairly sure he’s gonna realize how serious you are, and I mean I know enough couples that started dating precisely to get to know each other better first! Or to like, you know. Have sex. But that’s a different topic!”

Did she even need to take a break to breathe, Goro wondered.

“Back to the main point. I’m a real sucker for romance- like, I’m all for the flowers-and-chocolate confession thing- but I think, considering Akira’s previous reactions, he’s not gonna be jumping of joy because of that. What you should be- oh gosh, worst advice eveeeeer- is to be yourself? I have a plan. I could call him and ask for like, the four of us- you, me, Ryuji and Akira to meet up, and then Ryuji and I could accidentally get caught up in shopping- I always get lost shopping- and you and Akira have a semi-date with each other?”

She sounded hopeful, but also threw him a critical look.

“I mean, we definitely need to buy you some proper clothes. I’m really afraid you’re gonna show up in your suit- a peacoat would definitely suit you- oh yes, I can see it. You guys should just have a really nice day! Then we can all meet up in a restaurant or something, and I’ll steal Akira’s phone with some sort of excuse- that’s when you should grab Akira and confess! Tell him you think he’s nice and stuff but you’re in for…something more. And then you should kiss him! Okay, no, only kiss him if he reciprocates, or else that stuff’s non-consensual, and…no one’s a fan of that. I’m sure he’s at least gonna say he’ll consider it!”

That…had been a lot. A lot to talk from Ann’s side, and a lot for Goro to take in. It was also the most clichéd confession possible.

And fuck, that woman really had stamina in her if she was able to talk so much without catching a single breath. He had miscalculated her heavy breathing the other day when she was chasing Yusuke- it also wouldn’t make sense that she didn’t have stamina when she was literally pursuing a career in acting.

Goro’s abilities to assess people really seemed to be on the downlow these days.

He shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t even have the luxury of making so much time, and I’d rather have this be resolved as fast as I could.” “Hmm…alright, you got a point.” Ann considered this.

“Alright, this is less romantic and stuff, but it probably works better for you. Tomorrow at lunch time, I’m gonna take Akira’s phone from him- it should be fine if I turn the phone off to keep the hacker from listening in, right? You two can like, flirt and all that jazz. By that I mean…have your usual conversations. I’ll try to ask you about your preferences, like what kinda person you wanna date and stuff- and then you should say something like ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Ann, you know there’s only one person I’m currently considering to date, and that’s Akira’- boom, the cat’s out of the bag. You should act as if you didn’t want that to slip out- and try to like, run away, and either Akira is gonna stop you himself or I’ll send him after you. Then you can also explain that stalker stuff thing. That’s…probably more like you? And it takes less time. Supposedly.”

Urgh. It was almost as clichéd as the other idea, but Ann was right- it’s not like this scenario seemed extremely unlike him.

“Or maybe I could try to convince Ryuji to pick a verbal fight with Akira- make him insult him- and you should come out and defend Akira or something, but that’d be a little too staged- both for you and Ryuji, I guess. Besides, I’m not sure Ryuji is up to that idea.”

That was definitely out of the question.

“No”, Goro shook his head, internally preparing himself for tomorrow already, because ew- expressing love was not his thing, “Let’s try option number two- it seemed the most plausible, albeit it’s still a far cry away from not-being-a-cliché. Authenticity is important here.”

“Alright, that makes us official partners in crime! Gimme a high five, Akechi!”

Goro couldn’t believe he was actually doing this.

_The things we do for love…_

Ann promised to try and convince Akira to come tomorrow- she’d concluded he was skipping today. Lunch break had passed by in a jiffy- with Ann conjuring up detail after detail for the conversation tomorrow. Goro was impressed by the seriousness she put into her work. You could almost be fooled to believe she actually cared about Goro and how his confession would be received. Well, either she was doing it to make herself feel better, or.

There was no other option. That was the only possible choice, Goro told himself, even as he lay down in his bed and closed his eyes. No one was ever going to be on his side, without trying to gain some sort of merit in it.

Not even the barista that had a storm entrapped in his eyes.

Speaking of which, he hadn’t been able to see him the past few days, and would probably continue not to see him until at least the end of the week. He wouldn’t be getting food from him, or some of that heavenly coffee. But…should he actually reach out? Wasn’t that going to be a sign of weakness, as if Goro was…missing him?

No, he was just going to inform Ren of his next chess move.

That was the only reason he was pulling out his phone, he told himself- the one that he obviously hadn’t left at the precinct- and began typing.

_Me (01:23): Tomorrow, your innocent little brother is gonna play right into my hands_

_Me (01:24): He’s as good as mine._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (01:30): don’t be sure of that honey_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (01:32): my brothers cute as hell but he aint dumb_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (01:33): hes not gonna fall for some grand fake performance_

_Me (01:40): Well, we’re gonna see, won’t we?_

_Me (01:42): If he accepts, you owe me. And the momentum will definitely shift onto my side._

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (01:45): I’m not gonna fulfill your dirty fantasies about me, though_

Goro wanted to hurl his phone away, hating the blush creeping up his cheeks.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (01:50): but I guess I can make you some more pancakes?_

_Me (03:00): fine._

There was a smile spreading along Ren’s face, stirring in his bed at 3 am in the morning, and he couldn’t stop smiling for until he had fallen into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ann is such a romantic and nothing can convince me otherwise ;P


	13. The fool speaks to the sun: --- words burnt away ---

About Ren.

Goro had been nervous about the confession that was supposed to be taking stage today, and he really didn’t want to keep thinking about it- it’d just made him more and more nervous. So instead he tried focusing on something else- someone else- entirely. Now you could argue if thinking about Akira’s twin was really such a good distraction, but then again, it wasn’t like Goro had that much of a choice of what else to think about.

Goro had been thinking of possibly searching for Ren Kurusu in the precinct files- usually, the name would suffice to search in the vast database.

However- there were a few problems preventing Goro from doing so. The first was that he couldn’t just access any files as he pleased- they’d usually have to have some sort of possible loose connection to what he was working on or have a plausible reason to be looked up on.

The second one- more importantly- was that the research machine required entering a username and password, so you’d always be able to trace back who had been accessing which files and for what reasons. So Goro couldn’t just go- incognito.

The last reason was one of utmost importance, though.

Shido.

It wasn’t a secret to Goro that Shido had his goons in the precinct- everywhere, actually. There were many people he had connections to, and Goro wasn’t dumb not to notice the blatant staring and stalking of some of his coworkers. Heck, Goro was sure some of his professors at university were involved with Shido. Surely, if Goro just searched up a random name out of nowhere, Shido would learn of it- and possibly try to find out what exactly led Goro to such a decision, leaving the Detective at an impasse. 

He didn’t necessarily like Ren- no, he hated Ren.

But he didn’t hate him enough to throw him onto Shido’s mercy. To gain attention from such a man involved many risks- possible death in an alleyway was always an option, and if Shido got wind Goro had been conversing with a criminal- well, things could go down south really fast.

No, Goro couldn’t risk that, he decided – but it ultimately also meant that the mystery of the twins would remain a little longer.

“You’re chewing your thumb, Akechi!”

Goro nearly jumped at the cheerful voice ringing into his hear, and he snapped around to see Akira smiling at him. Indeed, he truly had been nipping on his thumb like a toddler- how embarrassing. Akira looked the same as ever, a long black jacket thrown over a white shirt and some fitted jeans, his college bag winded around his shoulder. His hair seemed more tame than usual, and there wasn’t any trace of jealousy or disappointment in his face considering the ‘incident’. However, there was something off about the look in his eyes- something just screamed ‘fake’ at Goro today.

“Oh, um. Thanks for…calling me out on it.” “You’re already lost in thought and we haven’t even started class yet. Some case keeping you awake?” “Something like that. Speaking of, I didn’t…see you around yesterday. You also seem…tired.”

_Fake._

_Ugly._

_You’re giving off ‘Detective Prince’ vibes._

Then, to add onto the whole ‘I missed you’-thing Ann had advised him to play at: “I…was disappointed you didn’t keep up your promise, you know? To bring me lunch.” Goro coughed into the palm of his hand to overplay the fact he was about to retch from the statement.

It was weird, really. Any short exchange with Ren usually lit a fire in his veins, set him ablaze- talking to his fake-copy of a twin was…just not as…

Exciting.

Especially when he set up a fake façade like today, as if trying to come off as ‘sad’ and ‘mysterious’. Goro was not about that shit. That was not the Akira that had rivalled him the past year, and he was weirdly determined to put an end to this bullshit.

Akira kept an inscrutable smile on his face. “Sorry, Yusuke seemed to have fallen ill from eating something bad yesterday, and he looked so miserable I couldn’t well leave him alone. I should have texted you at least, I know- but I was caught up in the whole nursing thing. But! I made more lunch today to compensate, and I packed an evening meal for you in the Featherman R lunch box you seemed to take a liking on yesterday. It’s unofficially yours now- you probably won’t have it as often as I do, though, because I’m still in charge of cooking for you. I hope it makes you feel better again.”

Goro almost sneered. “You have some sort of savior complex, don’t you? Or a mother complex, maybe that fits better. Always having to take care of any ill people, or people that need help. It’s-“ Goro was barely able to keep in the _pathetic_ , but Akira seemed to have overheard it nonetheless.

The raven’s following words surprised Goro a little, but after all, he knew something was off with Akira today. “You know what? It really seems that way, doesn’t it? Well, it might not seem like it, but most of my friends have some sort of tragic backstory behind them-“ “- and you’re the savior they needed, pulling them out of the darkness and guiding them to a proper life? What a nice boy you are, really.” Now Goro really had to sneer.

Ah, shit. He wasn’t supposed to taunt Akira today- he was supposed to use his charms! Damn it. Thinking about Ren had distracted him so much, his true personality had come out again.

Things were not proceeding as planned.

Akira seemed unperturbed by Goro’s harsh words. “I really appreciate that about you, Akechi.”

“Excuse me?”

“The fact that you don’t- you don’t mince your words when you show me your true self. I know what you said seems kinda harsh, but you’re right. Maybe, in a way, I’m just friends with all of them in an attempt to make myself feel better- I know that’s what you might think, at least. The thing is, I vehemently doubt that’s all there is to it- I wouldn’t be where I am without my friends today, after all- but I can’t exactly deny what you just said, either. I guess that makes me kinda pathetic, but…that’s just who I am, I suppose?”

Goro couldn’t believe the self-deprecating words coming out of guy who usually rivalled the sun- nor could he understand how Akira didn’t stick up to his beliefs. Wasn’t he more like the type to go and yell ‘No, we’re friends because we stick together through thick and thin!’ or some shit like that?

What was _up_ with him?

Goro didn’t know that Akira wasn’t putting an act up. There were…old feelings surging up in Akira, ugly feelings that Akira had always barricaded and kept away for the world to see. They had only resurged when he’d stumbled upon Ren’s messages towards Goro, triggering the past and the present.

It wasn’t like Goro knew that, however.

So he had only one way to pull this guy out of his semi-slump.

Goro reached out for Akira’s glasses, pulling them off swiftly.

“Well, I wouldn’t know who you are, Akira. You always insist on showing my true self to you, but…you hide behind shit like these fake glasses and suddenly have some sort of personality change from one day to another? Talking self-deprecating shit about yourself even though you’re usually full of positive energy, so much I can’t even bare to look at you because you’re too blinding? I can’t answer the question of who you are if you don’t have it in yourself to give a reply. Coming from my rival, I must say I’m disappointed. Stop this at once. This isn’t like you at all.”

Goro and Akira stared at each other for what seemed like a lifetime, neither of them moving, barely daring to breathe.

That was, until Akira broke the tension with his laughter, the sweet sound cracking the tension and causing Goro to roll his eyes. “You’re right, this isn’t like me at all, is it?”

Then, a little more sheepishly, his eyelashes fluttering up and down: “So, you think I’m blinding?”

Goro’s cheeks barely flushed red as he nodded. “To me-“ Urgh, Ann had told him to say this, but he hadn’t actually prepared for this- this early- here? Without her clichéd pep-talk? Urgh. But this was a good moment as any.

The detective quickly scanned the area without Akira noticing- there was barely anyone around at campus at this time of the day, and the only person standing far, far away from Akira and Goro in the rather secluded area the two had walked into- was the janitor, his back turned and busy sweeping off the dirt.

Goro took a breath. Alright. So this was happening. Completely off- plan, using Akira’s vulnerability. Possibly having Ren- the little shit- listening in.

Well, Goro couldn’t change that. He wasn’t the most romantic person, anyway, so if this plan backfired, it wasn’t all too tragic. To make his chess move now then during lunch break seemed much smarter, much more natural.

“To me”, he began again, carefully letting his voice drop as he stopped walking, grabbing one of Akira’s sleeves- who seemed to notice the shift in the air, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.

“Akechi?”

“-You’re like the sun.”

The energy Goro felt like putting into retching his entire stomach out was put into a clumsy kiss as he grabbed Akira and pulled him close, dragging his nails along Akira’s scalp- Ann had told him he was into that. He felt Akira’s eyes widen as the raven realized what was happening, but before he could react, or, urgh, kiss back-

-Goro shoved him away, hoping his face was flaming red to sell off the act. “And I hate that I can’t look away from you- that you make me think about you and your stupid friends, that you make me think- that you make me _think_ my wings wouldn’t end up burning like Icarus if I tried to come closer- that you’d hold me up instead, shriveling me into thousand pieces while you smile your all-forgiving smile as I burn- in hatred, in-“

The script said he was supposed to say love now. But the script he’d prepared had said a lot of other things, too- and Goro couldn’t say those anymore.

No matter how much he cawed, the word just wouldn’t come out- and he couldn’t look Akira in the eye, either, this whole thing being extremely humiliating to him. He didn’t know, suddenly, where his act of a loving confession had ended and where his actual hatred for Akira began spilling out- didn’t know which part that he had just said was fake or not- except the kiss.

He knew somebody he wanted to kiss much more, that looked just like the raven- someone who knew the deepest and darkest corners of his heart, that for some illogical reason didn’t end up kicking Goro to the grave even though he had wronged him so much.

With horror, Goro realized there were actual tears in his eyes as he defiantly looked back at the stunned replica of the object of his desire.

So, instead, he finished off with an: “I hate you” before turning on his heels and running the fuck away from here.

Anywhere seemed better than his Latin class right now.

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (06:54): well that was something_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (06:54): u sure u dont need a toilet to vomit out all the feelings u just admitted to?_

_Cutest barista in all of Tokyo (06:55): ngl that was almost romantic for someone like you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	14. The dance of sun and fool begins

So Goro quickly realized there wasn’t much to run for on campus. He _also_ realized Shido’s goons were gonna pick up on the fact that Goro was skipping class- that’d earn him some chiding, for sure. However, he was far past caring, and he couldn’t undo his mistakes now, anyway.

That being a lot of mistakes.

He barreled into the men’s bathroom- urgh, it stunk- and quickly ran into a stall, his stomach giving out and trying to empty its content into the toilet. Only, Goro barely ever ate- the last meal he’d had were the instant-noodles from yesterday evening- so he just sat there, on the dirty ground, retching and spewing and spitting and feeling all so sick while nothing came out except the off-putting noises of someone possibly experiencing hangover symptoms.

Well, that really wasn’t how Goro had expected his day to go.

Curse Akira Kurusu and all his friends.

Goro didn’t know for how long he sat there, retching, vomiting, cursing a certain raven that he didn’t even realize he hadn’t closed the stall room behind him. Too late he registered someone had entered, and he was ready to murder the person to keep quiet about this-

Gentle hands pried his hair away as Goro kept puking out nothing, tying them into a neat ponytail. He caressed Goro’s back in gentle circles, and it made Goro hurl even stronger, especially when the cursed guy _started humming-_ the nerve of this person, really.

When Goro had finally- after who knew how many hours- stopped turning his stomach upside down, he tried evening his breath- but it only spiraled him further down the lane of panic, his throat closing up, the room starting to spin, and his breathing grew heavier, more erratic-

A hand plunked down on his head, throwing him out of his spiral of death- he whipped around, his ponytail hitting the other guy’s face harshly, and was greeted by-

Ren?

No, Goro’s fuzzy brain provided, this man wasn’t wearing glasses, but the gentle smile on his face despite being hit by Goro’s new hairstyle just wouldn’t match the database of one Ren Kurusu.

No, this was definitely Akira, cursed, stupid, foolish Akira, that pried Goro off the ground with gentle hands and lead him to the sink, gently ordering him to wash his hands and face, and it was Akira that went to close the men’s restroom door- how he had even gained access to the key, Goro wouldn’t know.

When Goro’s breathing evened, and the room stopped spiraling around him, Akira was standing next to him, peering into his face. “Better now?”

Goro hissed in response, eliciting a laughter out of Akira.

“So? Are you here to make fun of me? I bet you have enough material to sell off to the reporters now, making you rich- a pathetic love confession by a loser, followed by him retching his empty stomach into the stalls. The media is gonna have a field day.”

“No, Akechi”, Akira chided him, shaking his head, “that’s seriously not the reason I ran across the entire campus and checked the women’s bathroom to find you, you idiot.”

 _“You’re_ the idiot here”, Goro growled.

There was only a soft chuckle in response. “Sure. I have to admit, I didn’t expect to wake up today and- receive a love confession by Goro Akechi today, really. It was one, wasn’t it?”

Akira’s tone was so unbelievably soft and forgiving, Goro knew he was giving him an option out- possibly the last one.

_Stupid, naïve boy._

“You either take it or leave it. I’m not gonna repeat myself. Or is this about doubting my feelings for you? Because if so, I sure as hell won’t hold another speech like that- retching my stomach out once was enough for the day.”

“No”, Akira laughed, pulling a stray hair away that had fallen onto Goro’s face, “I’m not doubting your…feelings. I probably wouldn’t have found you trying to semi-kill yourself in the bathroom if you weren’t honestly serious about the whole thing. That- I just- I’m unsure. I don’t know how to respond unless I get a question answered- and it’s unfair of me to force you like that, but- if I- if you really want me to consider dating you, I need to know what you feel about my brother.” Akira gulped.

“I…It was my fault- running away like that the other day, and I was…jealous, I have to admit. To read that- because- well, I have been pining after you for like, half a year, and he doesn’t-“ Akira’s voice hitched, and he couldn’t keep reciprocating Goro’s gaze anymore, opting to stare at his feet instead, “he didn’t even…know you for so long, but he was allowed to text you? And…send you stuff like that? I mean, I know you- you’d have blocked him if you hated him or something, but you even let him save himself as a contact- I know you’d never have saved anyone like that. I know it’s really, really unfair and stupid and childish of me to be jealous of my own brother like that- that I don’t have the right to, actually- but you even had a sleepover party with him! And the only reason you started hanging out with us was basically because _he_ interested you-“

“Ugh, Akira, get to the point”, Goro harshly interrupted. Had the sunshine ball Akira really harbored nasty feelings?

Well, Goro certainly hadn’t seen _that_ coming. This was…a surprise. Akira never talked bad about his brother- the reason seemed to be interwoven with the general mystery surrounding the twins- so hearing Akira hold feelings of contempt against his brother- because of Goro?

Wow.

_Such a dumb fool._

A wicked smile appeared on Goro’s face.

_I really hope Ren’s listening in._

Akira had stopped rambling, mutely staring at his feet- and while every fiber of Goro’s being screamed out at the initiated skin-on-skin contact, with Goro pulling Akira close- Goro couldn’t help but feel glorious.

“I don’t feel much about your brother, Akira”, he begun, hoping he wasn’t expressing too much glee in his voice, “it’s like…you know you’ve been my only worthy rival for a year. I couldn’t stop obsessing over you and your stupid friends, and it took me some time to realize my feelings…for what they were, actually. Honestly, I’m still pretty much in denial. You might…hate me for it, but when I met Ren, I was picturing you instead- so I flirted with him, and we- well, he said he wasn’t one for relationships and all that, but he wasn’t against a…mutual agreement to have, uh. ‘Fun’ every once in a while.”

Akira pried himself away from Goro- only so much as to gaze up in his face, the epitome of shock, his mouth hanging open as he listened on.

“But after a while, I realized…this wasn’t quite what I wanted. It was- and it’s always been- urgh, don’t make me say it out loud.” Goro turned his head away theatrically. “You get the gist of it. I don’t think you need to feel jealous about your brother at all. But, I…well, some sort of reply”, Goro nearly spat the word out, “closure. That’d be nice, I suppose. This is ridi-“

His words were cut off as lips crashed down onto his, the brutal beginning turning into a soft, molten kiss- like anything Akira ever started. The boy wasn’t able to express anything but gentle feelings, Goro assumed.

Then again, he had just been proven wrong.

Goro kissed back with minimal effort, hoping it was enough to convey some sort of electrical feeling- it was hard to fake feelings if you had to put the feelings into the physical touches, he realized- but apparently it had been enough for Akira, because the raven smiled up at him so dazzlingly Goro had to close his eyes.

“So you- really like me?”

“Do you want me to retch my stomach out again?” Goro deadpanned.

The laughter echoing in the bathroom was so similar and yet so fundamentally different than that of his twin.

“Alright, Akechi- we might be boyfriends now, but I’m still gonna try and kick your ass off the scoreboard, you know? Also, you kept my glasses- I need them back. They were actually expensive, you know?” Akira’s eyes glittered, and Goro wondered if a smile could possibly fall off of someone’s face if wide enough.

 _Hook, line and sinker-_ those words filled Goro’s brain as he was pushed against a bathroom wall, an all-too-eagerly-raven licking at his lips to request entry. “I guess we’re mutually agreeing to skip Latin classes until afterwards- for a much needed make-out session, Akechi.”

Goro only growled in response, opening his mouth to grant Akira’s tongue entry.

 _I’m gonna defile him,_ Goro thought, _I’m gonna defile him and make you weep, Ren._

_And I can also use him as a substitute for the sex you’re denying._

_Karma sucks, bitch._

***

They didn’t take it too far for the rest of the hour. Akira’s phone began buzzing incessantly, so much that even Goro couldn’t take it anymore and shoved Akira away from where he was currently attached on his neck, sucking love bites here and there- one Goro would make _sure_ Ren would see- and told him if he didn’t check his messages right now he’d call off their new relationship immediately.

He’d ever seen Akira whip out his phone that fast before.

“Oh, it’s Ann”, Akira muttered, his lips swollen and his voice hoarse from all the tongue-groping, accompanied by moans and groans- Goro certainly hadn’t expected Akira to be so…loud. Or needy.

Then again, it did suit him- he must be used to getting attention and feeling special, so it was no wonder he was trying to get some special treatment from the person he’d been pining after for so long.

“What does she want?” Goro inquired as he fixed his shirt and hair, hoping he didn’t look like he had made out for an entire hour- right, there were still some rules he had to establish. “By the way-“

Goro turned around, and the serious tone made Akira’s attention whirl back immediately, his gaze following the places he’d sucked love bites into- now covered up and hidden by Goro’s shirt. “I don’t mind…if you tell your friends about us. But I do hope you understand I can’t just out my whole relationship to the world. Especially the fact that I am not attracted to the female sex. I need-“

“-Discretion?” Akira smiled one of his charming smiles at him, and Goro would have found it cute- if there hadn’t been a lack of a wild storm brewing inside his onyx eyes.

“Yes. Absolutely no one from the press or-“ _Shido’s goons, fuck,_ “-anyone who…doesn’t belong to your merry circle of friends or can’t keep his mouth shut is allowed to know. You can’t act too lovey-dovey on campus. If no one is around, or if we’re allowed some privacy like here- I don’t mind. But we need to keep this under the covers- for your protection as well. Some of my stalkers or obsessed fans would try to kill you if they were to find out about us- it isn’t that uncommon. They’ve tried attacking people I was merely friendly to- I don’t want to imagine what would happen to you.”

“I get it. That means, love bites and everything where you can hide it, right? I don’t mind. I think we can work around that-“ Akira leaned in for another chaste kiss, one that he broke off quickly, “-so long as you pamper me afterwards.”

Goro had never seen Akira look quite as alluring before.

“Besides…they’re your friends too, you know?”

“Just because I fuck someone doesn’t mean I acquire all their friends as well.”

Akira flinched, so Goro softened his tone in apology: “I mean, just because…I’m in a relationship with someone, that won’t automatically lead to his surrounding liking me.”

“Yeah, but- Ann’s become your friend without me interfering, you know? And so has Ryuji, though I doubt he’s gonna admit that anytime soon. I know Yusuke likes you already, though he’s very awkward about it. Hifumi said she was interested in getting to know you properly, and Shiho has always had a big heart. Haru and Makoto- well, you probably know Makoto, anyway.”

“Makoto…You’re referring to Sae Nijima’s sister?” “Yeah”, Akira nodded, slinging his arms lazily around Goro’s waist, pressing another kiss onto Goro’s fully clothed chest. “Her. You like her, right?”

It was like some breeding animal in heat, the way Akira couldn’t get enough of Goro’s body. It was both endearing and absolutely disgusting to Goro, but imagining him as a barista in a rundown café made it all the way easier to endure- especially because it might seem…off, if Goro just pushed Akira away now, after their heartfelt confession and all.

Or maybe it was out of character _not_ to push him away.

But then again, Goro had said he was fucking Akira’s twin to relive himself of the sexual tension, so Akira must be thinking he wanted this, right?

Goro hated this.

“Well, ‘like’ is a strong word. I haven’t had the luxury to get to know her properly, actually, even though we’ve been studying for the same path.” That was a lie, but Akira didn’t need to know about his history with her right now.

“Mhm…” Akira’s hands were creeping up under Goro’s shirt, so he swatted them away. He couldn’t become disheveled now- not again. “Sorry”, Akira grinned, definitely not sorry, and Goro only sighed. “If we don’t hurry, we’re gonna be late for the next class.”

There was a grin in Akira’s voice as he replied: “Would that be so bad?”

Akira’s seductive smile had Goro considering…things, but he knew he had to hurry along now, or else one of Shido’s goons would break down the door. “Yes, Akira. I’m not risking my career for you.” “Ouch- that hurt. You’re not well-versed in the language of romance, are you, Akechi?”

Akira let go reluctantly, pressing another last kiss to Goro’s red-swollen lips, before he unlocked the bathroom and the two made their way to the next class, chatting and bantering like old friends.

Akira’s fake glasses remained safely tucked away in Goro’s pocket.

Ann sure was gonna end up screaming during lunch.

***

And scream she did. Luckily, Akira clamped her mouth shut before it got unbearable, and in hushed words explained her why they should keep this under the covers. Her eyes widened as Akira talked about ‘stalkers’, and she immediately became serious, throwing Goro a meaningful glance. Apparently, she really had kept her mouth shut about Goro’s lies- very convenient, really.

“But, man- I sure as hell hadn’t seen this coming, Akira!”

Goro threw her an irritated glare. “Are you underestimating my seduction skills?”

“You were trying to seduce me, Akechi?” “Akira, stay out of this for a minute.”

“Did I really seem so incapabale and desperate for help?” “No! No, Akechi, that wasn’t it!” Ann visibly deflated, biting into her sandwich. “I just…”

The rest of her sentence was swallowed as she took a large bite of her sandwich.

Goro snatched her sandwich away, earning himself another yell of protest. “Go ahead. Say it.”

“Fine! I just wanted to be matchmaker! Usually, Akira plays love cupid for everyone- and he’s strangely successful at it? So I just, you know. Wanted to return the favor.”

“Hmpf. So very childish of you, Ann.” Goro returned the stolen sandwich, and she shrugged before stuffing her mouth again.

There was a warm presence next to where the detective was standing. Akira pressed into him- close enough to be told off as friends, but barely intimate enough to pass off as a lover’s gesture.

“You have a weak spot for Ann.” Akira’s eyes crinkled in amusement.

In comparison to his twin, Goro was able to spot something different dancing around in Akira’s eyes. It felt like the coming of a spring breeze, refreshing and gentle, and yet also dangerous if underestimated. Or maybe it was more like the autumn breeze, cold but comforting- if you were able to bury yourself in thick clothes and jump into the nearest pile of leafs.

“I do not”, Goro grumbled instead, tearing his gaze away from his newly-acquired-fake-boyfriend. He felt Akira’s chuckle all the way into his chest- and he couldn’t help but feel paralyzed, as it felt so- so familiar. “You say that, but I haven’t seen you act like your prickly, sarcastic self with anyone else quite as fast.” Akira tipped his head back, so Goro could stare into his eyes again.

He couldn’t help but shudder at the sight of pure fondness playing around in Akira’s eyes.

“I’m beginning to think you have some sort of masochistic kink, referring to my mean personality like that all the time.”

“No, but I have a weak spot for you.” Akira nudged Goro’s chin with his fingers, crooning: “You’re sooooo adorable when you’re shy, Akechi.”

His hand was swatted away- again. “Stop that.” Goro hoped it hadn’t been too rough a gesture, but Akira’s expression didn’t change as Ann began cooing in the background: “Oh, you’re so cute together it makes me sick! But also, cute. But also- I hope you don’t make out in front of me because else I’ll be hurling out my food soon.” “Aw, we can’t have that, Ann. We’ve already had someone overloading because of too many feelings today.”

Ann’s eyes widened as Akira playfully bumped his elbow against Goro’s shoulder. “I just- hrrr. You should have cooked something for sensitive stomachs. Keep that in mind for the future, Akira.”

“Anything for you, my love.”

Ann didn’t stop cooing until lunch was over.

She also pulled Goro over to have a private conversation with him out of Akira’s reach. “I’m sorry I was so useless about the whole phone thing”, she apologized. “I’m assuming since you confessed without my help and all- you probably resolved the hacker thing?”

Goro nodded, opting a silent answer was better than an elaborate lie.

“That’s great! I’m glad that’s been resolved.” Ann pulled out a piece of perfumed stationery. “This is my number. I know you probably won’t get your phone back for a while- and, if I were you, I’d probably be super scared of picking up a new phone , but-“ she flashed a smile at him. “You’re a detective- you’re out to get these bad guys! So you shouldn’t be afraid- and if you are, your friends are there to help you pull through!”

Pretty lies, really, but in the end, they were all that: lies.

Empty words.

Goro took the piece of paper with a smile. “Thank you most kindly, Ann.” “Eww, don’t go all slimy-Detective Prince on me, Akechi! I thought we’d silently agreed for you to stick to your true self. Well, okay, then again I guess it’s easier said than done- I know what it’s like to play a role for so long, you forget who you really are.” She seemed wistful for a second before she talked on.

“Also, I’d love for you to enter our group chat- you know, to strengthen our bonds! But that’s impossible without a smartphone, so keep that in mind for your next paycheck. Speaking of- we! will! definitely! go shopping together before you and Akira go out for your first date. I’m dying to buy you some clothes, and you can trust my fashion sense- I’m the one responsible for like, half of our friend’s wardrobe. It doesn’t always ensure they wear their stuff with style- Yusuke always ends up finding some crazy combinations, anyway- but it helps! And you wanna knock Akira off his feet if he ever sees you in casual wear- like, outside your suit and stuff? I know what he likes, so~”

She made a heart shape with her hands- ridiculous behavior, really. “You should ask me for advice whenever you feel like pushing your love!”

Akira was yelling from a distance for Goro to finish and catch up, or else they would be late for another class. The detective was glad for the get-away, and…he felt odd as he bid his goodbyes, the model turning on her heels and sprinting away as well.

If Goro had grown up differently- if he hadn’t been betrayed by family and foster care system and lack of interest- would he have met people like these earlier? Would he have believed their lies easier, and- trusted them with himself? Would he turn to them in need?

Goro couldn’t possibly find the answer to that, but he sealed the needy part of his heart away that wished to rely on people like these _from now on out._

***

“You seem oddly happy, Akechi.” Sae remarked during work, and Goro only waved her off. “I’m making good progress with work, that’s all.” “Hm. Well, I can’t say the look of happiness is a bad one on you- I missed it. You haven’t seemed as relaxed and at peace since-“

“Please, Miss Nijima. Don’t reminisce in the past- it never helps.”

_Besides, there’s no way there’s a good life waiting out there for me anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This day isn't over yet...so buckle up for the next chapter, guys.  
> I just realized we hit 60k with this chapter! Yay! 1/5 of the story (word-count wise) is out...  
> Oh boy.


	15. The sun too strong, the fool went blind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this scene graphic? Let me warn you this chapter's nasty in ways different than before...^^"

Ren had been oddly quiet throughout the day, and Goro had taken it as an accomplishment- an utter victory for now against his temporarily-pinched rival.

He was quickly thrown out of his reverie as he walked home, spying a large, black car in front of his apartment. Realization dawned at him, and a feeling of dread filled his icy heart with fear as two big, bulky men stood in front of the car, waiting for him to come home.

Shido’s goons.

Of course. He had dared to skip lessons- he had broken his immaculate record. There was no need for a shiny Prince if the Prince didn’t heed to every call and bark of the King, and the King- well, he must have been indignant, because Goro knew what the appearance of the men in front of his apartment meant. He wanted to run- to find a secure place- but he also realized there was no secure place for him. No one would greet him with open arms if he stumbled upon their doorstep, mumbling something about being misused by the Yakuza- no.

But maybe a certain raven would. Goro had the momentum at his side, but with this? Ren could make it shift again.

By the time a half-assed plan formed in Goro’s head, the goons had already spotted him. Goro couldn’t even find it in him to resist as they walked up.

“Shido wants to tell you something.”

“Of course he does”, Goro sneered, letting himself be dragged in a dirty alleyway in the ever-loud Shinjuku.

He didn’t cry out in pain as he was beaten to a pulp- no one would have heard him, anyway, and no one would come to his aid even if they did. These were professionals- they always checked everything beforehand. Of course the goons would be careful to at least not hit his face- it was his most important asset, after all, and it wouldn’t do for him to have a scratched face for TV. They never injured his face-

-was what Goro foolishly believed, before a punch was delivered straight against his cheek, the impact knocking him off balance and sending him to the ground.

“What the- fuck?! You’re not- supposed to-“ he choked out between every kick and slam to his body, bruises forming and bruises adding as wounds gashed open and Goro bled, as he cowered on the ground like the lowly insect he was, covering his face with his arms in a pathetic attempt to minimize the pain and protect himself. The kicks and punches were much, much more brutal than he’d remembered- it was as if Shido had reminded him he had overstepped his boundaries by losing himself in some sort of teenage romance novel where he could lead a normal life.

A kick to his head had him howling in vicious pain as he was pressed against the ground- and a kick to his gut knocked out all the breath in his body. As he wheezed for air they kicked on relentlessly, until he felt someone- someone grabbing hold of his throat, pressing, pressing, squeezing until Goro’s vision went went wild, stars beginning to blink, his vision drowning into darkness- when suddenly the death grip vanished, and instead he felt like a bucket of icy water gashed over him, sending his entire body in a frenzy to seek warmth, air, warmth, shock- and there was the hand again, choking him relentlessly this time, and he barely heard a voice say: “He said if you don’t behave, he doesn’t need you- neither your pretty face. Attend your classes properly. Don’t go off script. You don’t have to appear on TV if you don’t listen to him, and there’s enough professional make-up out there to cover up the worst of temporary wounds. He’s also watching your interactions with your newfound friends- you can keep them if you like, he says. But don’t misunderstand- that’s just his way of being generous. This is a warning. Don’t forget what you are- and what your role is. A dead son evokes pity as well.”

A kick straight to his gut punched out the last strand of air he was grasping for like a dying man. There was nothing but pain, pain, _pain-_

-then the world went black.

_Is this kindness?_

***

When Goro woke, the first thing he felt was pain. Anything, anywhere, everywhere- everything fucking hurt. Did they break his bones? Would he be able to move? When Goro was able to focus on more than just the incessant pain, he smelled it- smelled the stench surrounding him, and he felt like hurling once again. He hadn’t eaten much today, was supposed to eat out of the Featherman R lunch box for the evening, but the smell- the smell was so bad, reeking up his nose- which he was pretty sure was all bloodied and beaten up- shit, hopefully they hadn’t broken anything. He couldn’t afford plastic surgery, and in a way- his face was all he had, at least for TV.

Fuck, the disgusting smell made it even harder to move- they had apparently thrown him into a pile of the public trash cans in the alleyway. Of course. If Shido believed he was disposable, this was just his way to teach Goro a lesson. _Crawl back into the filth I took you out_ , it was supposed to convey. Goro was sure.

As he blinked his eyes open, he realized one more thing: he was robbed of his clothes, and he was damn sure his suit wouldn’t be lying around among the trash pile- they’d probably taken it. Just like his suitcase- he was relieved he hadn’t taken any work cases with him today, or else this would have been more than just a mess.

From what he could feel- if he ignored the disgusting feeling of his body surrounded by trash, and his body aching for support- he was granted his boxers, and his socks.

Everything else was gone. They’d probably disposed his bag somewhere he would never find again, and taken away all his belongings to ensure he couldn’t easily break into his own house. Meaning, not only was he surrounded by a pile of trash, but he also wouldn’t be able to return home anytime soon- he had no cash, no wallet, nothing.

Fuck that man. Fuck him so much. Goro would remember this- he wouldn’t forget this. No, no, that man would pay, and if it was the last thing Goro did. He couldn’t stay here and die- his life would have had no meaning if he did.

With sheer willpower and spite filling his veins, making his body thrum in energy, he shifted around- alright, his left arm was out of order, so much was sure- but his legs were moving, and his other arm should be enough to push open the lid of the metal container filled with trash.

It took some time- hours, really, under all the aching pain and the soft material of the trash bags giving in, making Goro shift deeper, higher, lower. Sometimes, he’d sink into a disgusting pile of leftover food carelessly thrown into the container, or something mushy spread against his back, his chest- and Goro felt like he’d puked thrice- at least into his mouth- before he was able to open the container and slowly climb out.

Or rather, painfully thud onto the ground, his head and body crashing against the concrete, sending his body into another jostle of pain, and he howled. Tears were running down his cheeks, and it burned- everything burned and hurt and smelled and he wanted to fade, fade, fade- but he couldn’t stop here. He couldn’t die- he couldn’t give in. He had to go. He had to get up on his feet.

Slowly, his body screaming, yelling, aching, burning at every movement, his head dizzy from the impact still, he got up, wobbling- he probably didn’t look much like a Detective now at all, more like one of the drugged homeless people he spotted on the streets sometimes.

He couldn’t let the police catch him- it’d be the most humiliating story ever. But how else was he supposed to go back into his apartment? He had no phone. Hell, he had no place to turn to- he’d have to suck it up and tell some lie about being robbed and assaulted- fuck, but who would believe him? He didn’t even know what he looked like. People would probably think he was on drugs, hallucinating he was the famous Detective Prince.

Goro cursed the world, cursed, hissed, cried, yelled as his vision spun, as the world danced before his eyes- but nothing was going to help.

Nothing, no one.

But Goro had to move- move somewhere.

Get away from here.

Anywhere was better than giving Shido the satisfaction of rotting away in trash.

Like the possessed man he was, he turned around, trying to grit his teeth through all the pain and wounds screeching at him- he was sure all his wounds must have been infected by now, his limbs were screaming in pain, his arm was dead for sure. He’d barely taken a few steps before he was sent tumbling to the ground, but luckily he braced his head, so that the impact didn’t kill him and sent all his lights out again.

Would he die like this?

When Goro regained his vision, he searched around for the cursed item that had hindered his path and sent him stumbling to the concrete.

A Featherman R lunch box.

Battered up and all its content spilled out on the ground- as if daring him to eat it –Goro felt his hate explode in levels he hadn’t even imagined. Stupid Akira Kurusu. Stupid twins. They had made his life turn this way- they were the reason he was stuck in this stench of trash, humiliated and degraded- they had made him lose his way from revenge and death to…

To fun. To enjoyment and surprises. To friends and love.

Goro had forgotten he wasn’t allowed to have those things.

He’d forgotten he’d sworn it all off.

Because all it ever did to him was this.

He robbed back, determined to get the lunch box and destroy it as best as he could- but as he sent it flying- truthfully, it didn’t fly far as he wanted, merely a few inches- he realized he was sobbing again, crawling in the dirt, crawling in the remnants of what seemed to have been sushi and rice- and he couldn’t help but take one of the makis that had been prepared so meticulously, shoving it down his mouth, fighting back the instinct to retch- and he took more, more, more, until almost the entire lunch had been cleaned away from the ground and Goro licked it clean, licked away any leftovers for good.

He was probably the most pathetic figure in the universe right now.

But hadn’t he always been?

Goro grabbed the lunch box again- clutching it close to his chest now, crying all his agony and pain into it as the world thundered around him. He wished it would rain- maybe it would drive the stench of urine and trash away- but he knew it wouldn’t help, and the world never heeded his call when he needed it.

There was…one place, Goro realized around the haze settling around his brain, the haze that told him to let go and close his eyes here and now, to let go of his spirit.

One place he could sneak into, hoping he was there- beg him for help even though it’d be the last thing Goro would normally do. But that way, he could turn the chess game around- even the playing field. There was no way Goro could run all the way to Leblanc from here- lest he entered the subway, which was impossible because it was crawling with police and he didn’t have a ticket- but…Crossroads.

He had an apartment above Crossroads.

Maybe he was even working tonight.

What time was it, anyway?

Shinjuku wasn’t crawling with police, and there were weird people running around all the time. Sure, Goro stunk like a madman, as if he’d bathed in trash and puke and piss- well, he probably had. Those goons probably pissed on him for good measure.

He needed a shower.

He needed to move.

Goro got up on his feet again, wobbling back and forth. He was sure one of his legs had been sprained- it moved around funnily and sent him in intolerable levels of pain if he set it down and used it properly- but he had to move.

He had to get away from here.

Adrenaline filled his veins, determination and spite its source of energy- he’d make him burn- he’d make him regret- Shido would die at Goro’s hands and if it was the last thing Goro did, but for that- Goro needed to live.

He was a madman, a dying man, a pathetic man- but he was not going to fold.

Goro clutched the lunchbox close to his chest as he dragged himself away from the alleyway, his sprained leg limping behind him, making him hiss in pain every time it connected with the ground, his left arm uselessly dangling at his side- but he was determined. A man possessed.

_He could even the playing field. He would take this chance._

Goro just had to reach him.

The hour had passed into the late night, and there were barely any people around as Goro moved through Shinjuku- anyone who could avoided him, ignored him, passed the long way around him while throwing him the dirtiest looks possible.

This was probably what Shido had wanted him to see.

To experience.

To make Goro feel grateful for all the work Shido had put into his life to make it better.

_I will kill him for this._

Barely anyone tried to stop him as he threw himself against the bar door, again, again, again, until someone aggressively threw the door open, and he barely heard the “What the fuck, don’t you see it says closed-” before their bodies collided in the last swung Goro had taken as he threw himself against the door, tumbling down as his head collided onto the ground, a yell resounding somewhere.

There was only a meek chance this plan would even succeed.

Only a small chance, begging fate to bid Goro’s will for one single time.

The world had never done him any good.

_Darkness._


	16. The moon surfaces, gently tending to the fool; he wails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the note!
> 
> We're back to Ren's POV and ho am I excited! This is one of my favorite chapters, but lemme tell you something quick beforehand:  
> All the medical knowledge applied here is completely made up and only supposed to sound plausible lmao so don't take it seriously. Don't think about it too much- but lemme know if it came off as authentic if you want? I'm a sucker for all the compliments you throw at me ;D  
> Oh, and while the drug use here is not really consensual, I mean...it was supposed to help Goro, so yah. Tae didn't recklessly use it, either, aware of possible risks- but this was an emergency and she was forced to take extreme measures.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

There was frantic scurrying as Lala dashed around the counter to check on the situation, Ren rubbing his butt on the ground. “Ouch! The hell?” The barista was not amused- and the smell oozing off the probably drugged person was intolerable. “Ew, he stinks- what the fuck? It’s been a while since you attracted drunkards like these, Lala. What happened?”

Lala had picked up the item the unknown person had sent flying across the room as he fell down. “Fuck, I don’t even know how to grab him because this dude stinks like piss and trash- wurgh.”

“He seemed to be clinging onto this.” Lala waved around a tattered, empty lunch box, and Ren was still trying to figure out how to approach the seemingly dead guy on the ground-

-but the box’s motive sent his attention flying elsewhere.

A super rare Featherman R lunch box?

Hadn’t Akira talked about owning one, once?

Ren had been busy today, so he hadn’t listened in on Goro’s and Akira’s day today. With a sneaking suspicion, his heartbeat lurching in his chest and only his will suppressing his lunch from coming out again, Ren approached the man on the ground, staring critically at what must have been honey-haired hair before trash and indistinct somethings had crawled into and destroyed the very nature of what was once hair. Fuck, hopefully there weren’t any bugs inside.

He took in the state of the guy- bruised, battered, bleeding onto the floor from various places. Possible broken bones. Concussion for sure, judging from the way he fell down the floor like that- he had a few minor bleedings seemingly stemming from the head. Ren had to be careful when trying to turn the guy around to avoid worsening possible injuries.

With great caution, he flipped him- and cursed out loudly, drawing the attention of Lala anew. He checked if Goro was breathing all the while chanting: “Fuck, fuck, fuck-“, moving Goro carefully into the recovery position.

The lunchbox. Oh _fuck_ , something better not have happened to Akira. Shit! The one day he doesn’t listen in and this happens?!

“Lala, I need to make a few phone calls- watch him for me, will you? Also, where’s your first aid kit? Somewhere in the bar?”

“It’s the boy, isn’t it?”

Ren heaved a sigh, his hands trembling in fear as he called up Futaba- she must be asleep, but this was an emergency.

After the fourth call, she finally picked up. “Mhmmmmm, Rrrrreen, iz like, four am?!”

“Futaba”, his serious voice alerted her instantly awake, “I need you to check on Akira’s location right now- as soon as possible, you hear me? Once you’ve done that, trace back the conversations and phone history- I need to make sure he’s safe- and work- _fast._ Promise me?”

“Sure”, she nodded, all eager and ready to work, “Did…something happen?”

Ren exhaled heavily. “I don’t know! I need to find out. Thanks.”

He hung up, and called up an old friend of his- she’d definitely kill him considering the time. “Guinea pig? Have you even looked at the time-”

“Tae, I need your medical skills. Fast- I think the guy’s suffering from severe concussions- and he’s bruised all over. I’m guessing some bones might be broken? I don’t know how to move him away from here- and it seems like someone bathed him in the dumpsters, so the smell is- urgh. I don’t wanna think about how his open wounds might have infected from this.”

Tae Takemi, an old ‘friend’- more like a former shady doctor working near Leblanc. Ren had often visited her in the past, working both as an assistant to run tests and drugs on, as well as someone who needed his wounds treated from time to time. Thanks to their developing friendship, Ren had also picked up on a bit of medical knowledge. Tae had had her own history of why she’d ended up in a rundown private clinic of her own, but overall- she was an excellent doctor, and thanks to Ren’s help in clearing up the misunderstanding of her past, she had surged up in the medical world again. She opted to stay in Yongen-Jaya for several reasons, however, declining offers and careers from all around the world. And she was a good friend to Ren, able to provide discretion and a few secrets if needed.

And, yeah, they’d also fucked, but that was a different story altogether.

Hearing him so frantic made her alert.

“Location.”

“The bar- Crossroads. Pack your stuff. I’ll try moving him upstairs after we applied the first few bandages, and try to- get the smell off him afterwards. He’s covered in wounds and they’re probably all infected at this point, but I doubt we have the time to wash him beforehand- not to mention it’d be difficult to do so while he’s unconscious.”

“The bandages will get wet if you bathe him afterwards.” He heard her shuffle out of bed, crossing the room to get her emergency bags.

“I know, but-“ “This is gonna be a long night, won’t it, guinea pig?” “Kinda.” Ren hoped his voice didn’t shake as much as he thought.

“I’ll charge you an extra fee for making me stay over. I hope your dear Lala will prepare me some drinks for the duration in where you clean the dumb guy up.”

Ren managed a shaky laugh, throwing Lala a hopeful glance. “We’ll manage something, I’m sure.”

“Alright. I’ll check what I need- I’ll be there in twenty, latest. Take care of him until then.”

With that, the line clicked off, and Ren went back to scanning Goro’s body. He’d have to strip him bare, he couldn’t be sure what the clothing had been infused with, or if it covered other wounds- worse, if they were infecting those wounds as Ren tried to treat him. He apologized, internally, to Goro’s dignity, but sometimes stuff took priority over dignity.

Lala laid down the first aid bag they kept in the bag.

“I’m gonna stay here for until Takemi leaves- what kind of trouble could the boy have gotten himself into?”

Ren thanked her for her silent understanding. “I don’t know- it’s weird. He’s a detective, so if this happened during work- or if he was robbed and assaulted- why didn’t he go to the precinct? Isn’t that their job? Besides, he was- clutching onto the lunch box, which makes this even weirder.” Ren had stripped off the few of Goro’s clothes still clinging onto him, and was relieved he didn’t seem to have any gross wounds around the pelvic area except the ones he was covered in in general. Ren sighed in relief- Goro seemed to have suffered under a brutal attack, but not one of…sexual assault. Maybe. Possibly.

He’d have to wait until Goro woke up to be sure.

He pulled on some gloves and the disinfectant bottle- he’d probably need a dozen of these to get Goro cleaned up.

“What about the Yakuza?” Ren threw in.

“I’ll check in with my acquaintances- however, I doubt they were planning some sort of raid these days. You should probably check in with your own friend- the older man.” “Iwai. Hopefully he can ask them without getting Kaoru worried- that’d be the last I was planning to do.” The raven got to work carefully as Lala continued on.

“Yes, but…” “If your ties to the Yakuza and his connection prove useless, it must be some other party. Which is when things actually get dangerous.” “I’m glad my little worker has such a smart brain.” “Please, Lala.”

“Whoever has done this to him…he was out to break the boy, wasn’t he?”

“No mistakes there.”

Lala sighed. “I wonder why you always get involved with the difficult ones, Ren?”

This elicited a laughter out of the barista. “It must be in my nature- criminals attract detectives, don’t you know?” “But you’re not a criminal”, she scowled, hating how he referred to himself from time to time. “You just have a big heart- one that is too soft on the world.”

“And you don’t?”

“This isn’t about me, Ren.”

“I know.”

Ren’s phone ringed, and he asked Lala to take it- it was probably Futaba. He could feel the blood crashing around in his ears wildly as the adrenaline pumped through his veins. All the while, Lala nodded and sighed.

“Your brother seems to be safe. The location of his phone- thankfully he always keeps it on- indicates he’s sleeping in his home. Your sister says a lot has happened between Akechi and Akira, judging from the group chat- but that Akira had apparently given him the box as a present. They’d definitely parted after school, since Akira hung out with his friends for the rest of the day before returning home. His roommates also seem to be asleep at home, so don’t worry about them.”

So this meant the attack had been specifically targeting Goro.

Ren didn’t know if he was supposed to feel relieved about this or if it meant even bigger trouble.

Probably the latter.

Tae arrived faster than she promised, three big bags with her- one on her back, two carried in her hands. She also…hadn’t changed out of her pajamas. It was an emergency, after all- clothes be damned. “Alright. Got enough supplies to replace the hospital for now.” “This is why I love you, Tae.” “Don’t praise me before this is over. Here, masks- we can try and block out the stench a little this way. Fuck, he smells worse than I imagined. They definitely pissed on him. You need to get that off of him as soon as possible. You know how disgusting- and painful- urine-infected wounds are. Especially if it’s not your own urine, and considering the fact that he was found like this? Definitely didn’t accidentally pee his entire body. I’m charging you double for this.”

Then, Tae and Ren got to work.

***

“Alright, this should do it for now.” Tae wished the sweat from her face, exhaustion taking over her body. She glanced upon Ren- he wasn’t looking much better.

They had succeeded in moving the injured boy upstairs in Ren’s lofty apartment, gaining some more privacy. Lala was waiting downstairs, had called up some connections- but none of them had apparently had their hands in the raid of one Goro Akechi.

Things were getting fishy.

Tae pulled out another syringe, injecting the drug effortlessly under Ren’s wary gaze. “Normally, we’d obviously have done X-Rays to check if his arm’s really broken and to double check if he suffered any skull or brain injuries- but judging from the way the bone stuck out of his arm, it was kinda obvious. The skull? Let’s just hope he’s as thickheaded as the media describes him as- I’ll run a proper check on him once he’s able to move- which will take some time. Honestly, Ren, I ain’t a hospital- some shit’s risky, even for me.”

Tae’s face scrunched.

“His leg could be sprained, it feels kinda funny to me in comparison to the other leg- so we bandaged that one was as well, albeit less stable than his arm. We’ve successfully taken care of any wound on his body, treated the nastiest ones with temporary badges that we’ll change after you showered him- while he’s conscious, that is. I think using your bathtub will come in handy here, actually. Needless to say, considering the amount of wounds and his concussions- he’ll be in one hell of a pain. That’s why I’m injecting this new drug I created- it’s gonna make him all fuzzy and compliant. He might start hallucinating and babbling dumb shit- but he’s not going to protest if you move him too much. It helps lessen the pain. Needless to say, he’s probably gonna imagine people up he wants to see- anything that his subconscious will think will lessen his pain. So don’t be alarmed. This is a temporary solution, of course- I won’t give him any more of this, just for now. Once he’s all washed up, we’ll have to go through a similar ordeal of patching him up again. He’ll hopefully comply under the drug’s influence- for now, you can’t do much more than wait for him to wake up.”

Tae stretched herself, and Ren heard her bones cracking. “I’m just gonna go downstairs and drink up- call me when it’s all over. Don’t leave the guy alone- just call by phone.”

“Alright.”

Ren stared at the patched up boy in his guest bed- the furniture came with the loft, don’t judge- briefly wondering once again what kind of fucked up shit he’d gotten himself into.

What kind of shit Goro was involved into.

He sighed, pulling out his phone. Futaba hadn’t left any new messages besides the one urging to call her if he wanted to hear more details about Akira and Goro’s day- but Ren definitely didn’t have the capacity to handle that right now. The clock barely hit 5 am when he decided to call up another familiar contact.

“Fuck, kid, what’s up?” Iwai was always so charming over the phone.

Munehisa Iwai was a middle aged man owning a shop called “Untouchable” in a side alley of Shibuya. He sold toy weapons and guns, but also dealt with other shady stuff. He’d come from the Yakuza, but after adopting a kid, grew soft for having a proper family and tried pulling out of the shady business completely. It hadn’t been that easy, but with Ren’s help, they resolved incident after incident- things where Kaoru, his adoptive son, had ended up being abducted and almost killed- and now, Iwai was enjoying his…semi-normal life with a kid two years younger than Ren himself, but with a much more childish naiveté. He looked up to Ren as someone who saved their family.

Ren always kept it a secret from him he’d actually had sex with his dad- he couldn’t really risk ruining the precious boy’s image of him because he wasn’t sure what it would do to Kaoru. It had been a difficult phase for Ren, where he’d run about searching for love- hoping he’d sate the hollow feeling in his chest by sleeping around- until Iwai helped open his eyes instead, teaching him the difference between sexual desire and actual love. But that was only after Ren had turned twenty-one.

“I’m not what you’re searching for, kid”, he’d puffed out into the air, smoking a cigarette after he’d fucked Ren in the shop, the nickname mocking, “What you want- is out there somewhere, but you won’t get it by chasing after me. Or anyone, really. Can’t teach you much about how to find love- I’m not one for business like that. But I knew when I adopted Kaoru that I wouldn’t let him go if the world burned me for it. I know that’s similar to what you’re searching for. Look inside yourself- did you feel that way after I took you here? If you even think of answering yes, I’m gonna hang and smoke ya like good barbecue meat.”

Needless to say, Ren realized the truth in his words but hadn’t wanted to accept it for a long, long time. But Iwai had been patient with him- and now, after thick and thin, they were like family.

Just not the one you’d fuck anymore.

“Morning to you too, Gun Daddy. Thought you’d like a handsome guy like me calling to wake you up and open Untouchable.” “You fucking know I open up in the afternoon today.” “You don’t like hearing my voice?”

He heard Iwai gruff. “Spit it out, kiddo. Don’t have a lot of patience right now.” “Fine, fine. I’ll owe you a big one- I promise to take some more shifts at Untouchable and make some family trips with you and Kaoru- whatever you want.” “Sounds like you’re askin’ for something heavy. This about the Yakuza?”

Ren hesitated. “You know I keep my mouth shut about your shit, but I’m not letting you enter-“

“No, no. This…isn’t about me.”

“Who then? Your brother?”

Ren chewed on his lip. “Goro Akechi?”

Iwai whistled. “So?”

“I…If possible, I need you to check up if someone has or had been targeting him. He’s with me now…pretty beaten up, rubbed, mugged, pissed on- you know the deal. I just wanna dig up information how this happened.”

“Shouldn’t the kid tell you that himself?”

Ren loved how none of his friends would press for any details how in the ever living fuck he’d even gotten into contact with the Detective Prince in the first place. “I don’t know if he’ll trust me. But I need to make sure…no one gets in danger because of our connection. That’s all I’m concerned about.”

_Like Akira_.

Iwai sneered. “If all you cared about was protecting your loved ones from harm, you wouldn’t give a rat’s shit about taking care of the guy. You’d have thrown him into the streets. Don’t forget, Ren- I can read you like an open book.”

“That’s why you’re my personal Gun Daddy- you know exactly what I want, and it’s hidden in your pants.”

Iwai belched. “Stop calling me that shit. And your stupid jokes.” “But I’m not-“ “Urgh, sure, kid. Anyway, Goro Akechi, huh? Why would you associate with a detective? Are you actually gonna unravel the truth from back then?”

Ren’s face hardened, and he heard Iwai laugh on the receiving end of the line. “You know I’ll tease you back whenever you try pulling jokes on me. You’ll never beat me when it comes to that. Alright, listen, I promise to check in- I’ll call you back when I know more. Until then- good night. Or good morning, whatever.”

The other line went dead, and Ren put his phone away in favor of keeping watch of his ill patient.

Just in time, that is. The latter’s eyelashes fluttered back and forth, and a groan escaped him. Ren sat patiently by his side as Goro tried tossing and turning, unsure of how to wake him. Finally, Goro’s eyes opened on his own, a choked gasp eluding him.

When a series of violent coughs started taking over, Ren tried soothing him. “Shh…Goro, it’s okay. You’re safe for now.” Goro’s eyes flitted around franticly, his breathing erratic.

Ren sighed. Well, he was going to take a bath with the guy either way, soooo….

Carefully, so as to not startle him, he stretched out his hand, gently caressing Goro’s mud-trashed hair. Fuck, it was disgusting, really, but there wasn’t much of a choice here. The brunet froze, his eyes going wide as marbles- and his coughs slowly subsided, melting into the touch, eyelashes fluttering down again.

“Nah, look, I need you to stay awake, Goro.” Ren retracted his hand, earning himself a low whine. “Wake up, sleepyhead- or should I call you stinkyhead?”

Obediently, Goro opened his eyes again, but he looked…oddly sad. As if he wasn’t really here.

Well, Tae did say the drug would make him hallucinate and shit.

“Alright, Goro, I need you to cooperate with me a lil’- we gotta shower you, or rather, take a bath. You smell really bad, and you have- well, I’ll spare you the details.”

Goro merely hid under the covers, not meeting Ren’s gaze. The barista grew impatient- would he really have to do this on his own? Urgh. But Goro surprised him as he silently removed the blanket, throwing Ren another one of his sad gazes.

“So, uh…are you like, ever gonna talk? This is getting weird. You weren’t ever able to keep your mouth shut before, you know. I’ll help you up- in case you didn’t notice, your arm’s broken and your leg’s sprained…among other things.”

Goro remained silent throughout the difficult process of heaving him up and moving him into the bathroom.

Ren really had been up and about to enter the tub fully clothed, until Goro’s questioning gaze reminded him it probably wouldn’t be that much of a good idea.

With even greater difficulty, he removed most of his clothing single-handedly, remaining in his boxers. That should be fine. Slowly, he eased the two of them into the tub- Goro was hanging onto him, and Ren was surprised at how much of a lightweight he was. Well, he was severely malnutritioned, judging from what Ren knew, and it’d take more than a few lunch boxes to get him to proper health.

At long last, Ren had achieved into easing the two of them into the tub- Goro was seated against his chest with his back and sat in his lap, and it was obvious the bandages were gonna be soaking wet by the time Ren had properly scrubbed and cleaned all of Goro- well, this had been unavoidable from the beginning, though. Goro didn’t hiss or make any sounds indicating pain, though, and the longer he remained quiet, the creepier this whole thing got. Was this a side effect of the medicine?

Or did Goro have no one to long for?

“Don’t forget to close your eyes, Goro- I’ll have to rinse your hair and shampoo it to get the dirt out.”

There was a hum in response.

Silently, Ren got to work- he scrubbed Goro’s wet hair, cautiously running a wash rag around the areas that weren’t as hurt and could be treated with soap- rinsing and soaping step by step, careful he didn’t end up hurting Goro too much. He needed Goro’s cooperation to turn him around and scrub his chest as well, and he was surprised that Goro complied- there was still a tragic look on his face as Ren meticulously rinsed his stomach, pelvic area, legs- and it got to the point where it annoyed the hell out of Ren.

It was unnerving.

“Dude, something up? You should say something if you’re bothered by the whole thing. I know it’s unfair you’re naked and I’m, like, not really, but you know, I don’t want you to wake up and have to retch all over the sheets because of the smell.”

Goro didn’t answer, dropping his gaze instead, until Ren was so annoyed he put the washing cloth away and gently tilted Goro’s chin up. “Spit it out. What’s up?”

It was the first time Goro opened his mouth, his eyes partly dazed. “You’re gonna abandon me too, right?”

The sadness lying hidden behind those once ferocious eyes squeezed Ren’s heart.

“What makes you think that?” Ren questioned back.

Goro sneered- a painful howl escaping him as he did so.

Ah, right, his nose had been bruised as well.

Goro spoke on, quietly, so quiet Ren couldn’t believe there was once a self-confident prick behind this voice. “I just know, Ren. You’re gonna leave.”

“Right, but why are we having this conversation again?”

“You think I’m a danger to him now.” Goro hung his head again, his gaze fixed on the grease and trash and muddiness collecting in the tub- coming off from him.

How ironic.

“To whom do I think you’re a danger now?”

“Akira. You think he’s in danger, now that he’s so close to me. You’re gonna leave to protect him now. Mom did so, she wanted to protect herself, too. I get it.”

Mom? Did Goro have living parents out there somewhere? It occurred to the raven he’d never inquired about his family.

Goro continued on, undeterred. “I get it. She told me before she died, you know?”

Oh no, what? Ren froze.

“She said I was cursed. That as long as I lived, no one would love me- or her. That it was my fault her life took a downgrade. It’d be better if I was dead, but she didn’t want to carry the sin of murdering a child- even if it was a bastard. Said it’d be easier if I took care of the problem myself.” Goro’s shoulder shook, as if in an attempt to laugh. “Well, maybe Dad’s gonna take care of it anytime soon now.”

An icy shudder ran down Ren’s spine.

“No one ever stays. Then again, I guess I never really had that many people to leave me to begin with…there wasn’t anyone that ever wanted to stay permanently. They just took what they wanted and left. You were…were different, though. You didn’t want anything from me- you were just worried about your brother. You love him so much, don’t you? Well, your brother’s a special case as well. But he doesn’t see me, either. He’s just interested in getting to know the prickly self of Goro Akechi- but that’s also just another persona. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“That’s- he’s been with you so long, Goro. I’m sure you don’t realize, but he really is looking at the real you. Or he’s trying to, really.”

Goro shook his head, a slow smile spreading along his face. “Even now, you remain defensive of him, Ren. How envious it makes me. No. He doesn’t know me- the only one who’s ever seen how pathetic I really am is you. It’s always been you.”

Goro looked up again, the smile tugging earnestly at the corner of his lips, as his eyebrows scrunched together.

“Do you think someone’s out there who can love me as much as you love your brother?”

There was a knot in Ren’s throat as he tried to answer. Something told him he couldn’t lie here- that Goro would know immediately. He wanted to say yes- wanted to make Goro feel a bit better considering the state he seemed to be in- but nothing came out beside a pathetic croak of “Uh”.

Goro hung his head again. “I thought so.”

Needless to say, neither of the boys spoke for a while.

***

Ren heaved Goro back onto the couch- they’d need to change up some bandages now, after all- and he told Goro not to move as he went to search for boxers. Goro would probably have a heart attack if he woke up completely naked. It’d be great if he didn’t ever remember waking up, either.

Or else there would be some…awkward tension in the air. Fuck, why hadn’t Ren just stopped Goro from talking? Why had he insisted on having him talk? Now look at what he’d done. Now he knew about Goro’s mother, who…didn’t have the most loving relationship to Goro in the past, it seemed. She also seemed to suck. And Ren was stuck with this knowledge- he couldn’t say if Goro knew, after all. Or if the latter even wanted him to know. What if the drug made him hallucinate?

Or worse, what if the drug had dug up hidden memories?

Goro barely resisted as Ren pulled the boxers up on him. His hair fell around him in a golden circle, highlighting his cherubic face- one that currently emitted nothing else but misery.

Alright. So Ren of all people had to do this? Give him a pep talk? Something told him Goro sure as hell wouldn’t be listening to Tae of all people, even if she was the doc.

“Listen”, he begun, drawing Goro’s attention to himself, “I said something similar while you were asleep once- and I’ll say it again. Before you try filling in the void inside yourself with me, you need to work through your own shit. You should probably see a therapist to work through all your trauma? And start, like. Being happy with yourself. On your own. You know? That shit’s important.”

Goro held his stare, a forlorn look in his eyes before he sighed.

“So you don’t understand either, huh.”

“What do I not understand, Goro? That you’re desperately searching for someone to love you because you’re lonely? I’ve been there- I know what it’s like- and it took me so much time to understand I was living the wrong way. I’m still not on the right path, truth to be told- it’s difficult to get there, you know?”

Goro sighed, and if he’d been able to turn around, he would have. “No, you really don’t understand. Oh well. I’d merely been dreaming of that day, I suppose- it’s my fault for losing myself in the illusion.”

“The heck?!”

“I’m tired now. You don’t need me to change my bandages, right? Then I will go back to sleep.”

Goro closed his eyes as Ren groaned, searching for his phone. He’d have to call Tae now- tell her about the weird side-effects and shit. Well, this was gonna end up a hella lot of fun.

Not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams in the background* Oh man this scene broke me in so many ways. I just wanted Ren and Goro to bathe, honestly- I don't even know if that would be a good decision given Goro's state, but for the sake of fictional worlds, my sanity and the plot's sake- let say yes. 
> 
> I hope I managed to capture your heart a little, too- lemme know what you think! I really love how this scene turned out. I kinda died the moment Goro was like "Do you think someone could love me" and fucking Ren remains silent LIKE BROOOOO  
> Oh well. We'll so how this continues as Goro wakes up again! Anyone else noticing the chapters always end up with Goro sleeping or waking up? I didn't even realize until I started posting chapter format HAHA
> 
> As always, throw comments, kudos and your thoughts at me- I LIVE FOR IT!!!


	17. Interlude and reality merge; the fool recovers in the moonlight's shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy. Originally, this chapter was 10k long, but I think due to the lengthy delve into Goro's thoughts at the beginning and its complex construct, I think I split this up again- especially because there's a lot happening in Goro's and Ren's and Akira's relationship from now on.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! There's a bit of Ren's POV mingled in here.

When Goro opened his eyes, he was half expecting to wake up in a room full of white tapestries and beeping noises around him.

He wasn’t expecting the dimly lit room in where he couldn’t really make out where he was- except that the ceiling was huge, even for a celebrity in a hospital- and the bed. Oh, the bed. Goro hadn’t ever known how fluffy and comforting beds could be until right this moment, where he woke up in what felt like something personally rendered to himself under his back.

Which reminded him.

Slowly, one by one, the memories came crashing back to him- how he’d awoken in the trash, made his way to Crossroads.

How Ren took care of him in his vulnerable state, being careful about his wounds- how Goro had babbled on about his dead mother.

Oh fuck.

It would be easier to just pretend he didn’t remember. Well, he did have several concussions, so it wouldn’t be that uncommon to suffer under partial memory loss from right before and after the incident, right?

His heart lurched uncomfortably when he thought of having to explain himself to Ren- to tell him about Shido. Because Ren would looooove to know why he ended up like this. Goro was sure Ren would tell him the ‘chess game’ was off for real this time- what the goal was about, no one would know, anyway- and Goro wouldn’t have anything in his hands to counter.

Goro was just going to return to his empty days like before, on a meaningless quest of revenge and death and hate-

Where he was honestly just waiting to die.

What was a life worth living after all, if he didn’t have anything to fill it with? Shido seemed to be sick of him- Goro had taken too much time to bring him behind jail bars. So trying to pursue his quest any further- wouldn’t it be futile?

If Goro gave up on that, what else did he have?

Well.

Not much.

Nothing, actually.

No, he couldn’t give up.

Not now. Not so close to his goal- maybe he’d die in the process, but giving up now just- wouldn’t be in his nature. He couldn’t! He was so close!

Technically, he thought he had something else to keep him alive because he had Ren and their fucked-up game- for when his quest of revenge had been fulfilled. But…Ren would call it off now. Well, anyone in their sane mind would. Nobody would try and get their hands dirty with garbage like him. Ironic, how Goro had thought Ren was the attic trash, when he himself wasn’t worth much more than being pissed on and eating leftover food from the ground.

He lets his thoughts trail on, thinking back on his delirious talk with Ren in the aftermath of the bathtub. He knew that shit about self-loving and whatnot. He knew. He’d tried visiting a therapist back in his younger age, when the world had fucked him up badly.

He and Maruki were just never going to be on one page.

Takuto Maruki was the first therapist Goro had ever visited- and it’d be the last one. The weird shit the dude was babbling- about having to embrace life as something beautiful, about how sorry he was for Goro leading such a pitiful and sad life-

Well, Goro realized it was utter bullshit at some point.

He didn’t need to be told how to change his life. He _knew_ he was fucked up, and that he wasn’t living a healthy lifestyle. But, here was the thing: Goro had never regretted living the life he had. He’d never felt bad about sacrificing or hurting people to get closer to his goal of eliminating Shido- it wasn’t like _those_ people cared about him, either. He felt bitter when he thought back on his childhood, when people kicked him out on the streets and didn’t give him food.

Why would he have to forgive him? Why wouldn’t he be allowed to hold a grudge? Why was he supposed to ‘forgive and forget’? Why would he need to embrace a ‘positive lifestyle’ and ‘radiate happy energy’ to inspire other people when he _didn’t give a damn shit_ about other people?

That was the thing.

Meeting Ren, he realized...that, maybe, changing for _some_ people was worth it. Maybe he didn’t have to give up on himself and the world if the world featured someone that honestly cared about him- that saw eye to eye with him, embraced his pathetic self, his hate and fury and would just…accept it?

Goro would never change from being a bitter and hateful person in general. That, he realized quite early in life. He also knew he’d never give up on pursuing Shido on a quest for revenge- it was just not an option. But why was it so wrong to not change from his ideals? What if there was someone out there who accepted him just the way he was and told him that, well, he wasn’t living the best lifestyle, but they’d figure everything out together?

That they’d just stick together and try to find a way to have a beautiful life in this fucked up world.

Goro didn’t think there would ever be a person to match the criteria. He believed even less, that, even if such a goody-two-shoe existed, he’d keep Goro for long in his life-

-but if he did, then and only then would Goro believe it was worth to change. To at least change about merely focusing on one single goal, to change the way he thought about his own self-worth, to change the way he didn’t care whether to live or to die.

When he explained it to Maruki, Maruki only shook his head and explained he’d be getting himself into a toxic relationship in where he’d always be dependent on someone. And, of course, Goro agreed- he knew what Maruki meant- but Goro also knew he wouldn’t be dumb enough to _actually_ fall in such a pathetic state that he’d literally give up on life if the person left him.

He did have a brain after all. He wasn’t stupid.

Point was, he just needed _something good_ to happen to him _once_ in his entire fucking cursed life. Just one thing. He wanted to _see_ someone that took his hand, that accepted his faults and said, well, fuck it, let’s just try winging life together. And if we find a different way to live in the aftermath- one that would ensure we’d both stay positive even if we end up losing each other- why shouldn’t we give it a try?

Goro _wouldn’t_ protest to that.

But Akira Kurusu, he was sure, wasn’t the one capable of showing him such a life- despite how much Ren held him high in opinion. Akira Kurusu- despite the cheesy metaphor by Ann- truly was like the sun. For Goro, who grew up in the deepest darkest corner of the world where the sun had never reached, Goro would always remain…faulty. Weird. That’s what he believed. Goro wanted- needed someone- that had wafted through the same darkness like him, that had fought the same demons, that didn’t share sentimental values like ‘The world is so beautiful’ but more like ‘Fuck the world, let’s burn it down and create our own’. That _knew_ what it meant to battle to survive day by day, to not know if he was loved or if anyone in the world would ever accept him the way that he was.

He didn’t need that empath shit. He needed someone that had been broken and betrayed by the world, and together, they’d show the world what it truly meant to be happy together- to get up, as survivors, and fight a path for themselves, despite what the order of the world had against them. So what if that didn’t seem healthy for most people? Who even set the rule for what was healthy or not?

People always wanted to have this or that. People always required you to think this or that way- thinking any other way was wrong, they said. They told Goro it was wrong to hide in his room and sob about his mother’s death, so Goro’s retreat into a different reality had been the only thing keeping him alive for a while. Of course, that was wrong, too, because escaping reality was such a no-go.

Of course it wasn’t the solution to hide in his room forever and to lose himself in futile daydreams about days gone lost. That wasn’t the point. But if it helped to keep Goro alive for a while- just for until he got his shit together again- what was so wrong about it? Was it _wrong_ , when the alternative- thinking about the fact his mother killed himself because of his existence- would drive him right into jumping after her?

It was this trail of thought that he opened up to about towards Maruki, who was stuck on the idea that co-dependency was dangerous and Goro had to live his life on his own first. _Sure,_ Goro didn’t _want_ to start a life with someone who had as many problems as him, but he believed _it was better_ to find solutions as a team- as partners in crime, if he borrowed Ann’s words- to each other’s problems because he, himself, on his own?

He didn’t see the worth in keeping his life as soon as Shido was behind barrels.

_That’s_ when Goro would go down the spiral of death, and he needed something in life- someone- to keep him anchored.

At least, temporarily _._ Not forever! Keeping that attitude forever would send him down the same path in life he was currently treading- and he knew that one wasn’t what he wanted to pursue for the rest of his life.

But Goro was bad with words, and his idea of turning something unhealthy into something healthy just didn’t make a lot of sense to people. It was risky. It would start out as something bad. It was a high-maintenance thing to keep track of.

It sounded like something a psycho would think.

But Goro loved a challenge, and without any sort of challenge, he’d shrivel up and die.

That’s what people didn’t understand about him. Well, he didn’t understand people, either, so they were on another impasse here.

He thought Ren of all people would understand- Ren, who seemed to have his own share of weird history, who- Goro assumed- only kept himself alive to protect his brother, or who when thinking about ending his life, thought he couldn’t do so because he still had a brother to take care of. Who participated in weird shit to ensure his one goal was kept safe and sound. They were so similar. They were so bad for each other.

Goro wanted it.

He wanted Ren so badly. He wanted to shake the man behind the façade, to show him how smart he was. How much more he could achieve if he left protecting Akira away for a while. And Goro wanted someone who told him that when Shido was dead and deaf, he should stay alive. That there were things in life Goro would enjoy afterwards, too, and that he’d show him those things, just until Goro got his shit together and would be able to see the value in life himself.

Again, of course Goro wasn’t dumb- he saw the whole co-dependency thing. People would suggest that the two of them, for example, break up and each go on a quest for self-search- and only then they’d be able to get together again and live healthily.

But why, _why,_ couldn’t this embark on a self-journey be made together? Because it contradicted the principle itself?

Well, fuck the principle, then. Fuck the rules.

Goro had lost so much time in life, if he kept using up more time to find himself a ‘healthier lifestyle’ he’d end up gray and ill and all alone. If he found someone worth keeping- someone who would challenge his intellect and kept him alive- they could embark on the journey together and learn how to live not-codependent on each other while _not_ having to part?

Yeah, it was difficult to explain. Yes, it was risky and could backfire- but all things in life could, as seen with the example of growing old and dead until you realized the ‘beauty in life’. _Blegh._

Besides, it wasn’t like there was any human out there that was completely free of anyone else- that wasn’t dependent on _anything_. To say such thing would be a lie, because the human in its nature was a social one. That couldn’t _survive_ without one another.

The concept Goro had conjured in his head wasn’t for everyone- it wasn’t supposed to. He knew this way of living could go wrong for many people in many ways. This was Goro’s principle- not the principle for the majority of people, and he wanted someone who would understand- who would be akin to him in his ideas and intellect. Who wasn’t scared of breaking social norms and ideas, or challenging the concept of what people believed to be right for thousands of years. 

And wasn’t that what life was all about? Finding someone who shared your values? Who was your equal, and who challenged you at the same time with different ideas, while sharing the underlying concepts in general?

People just didn’t understand Goro’s idea.

But, as already stated: Goro didn’t understand people, either.

To put it into few words: If Goro Akechi was a chemical experiment, he was one that didn’t go off on his own, at least not to the maximum of his capabilities. He needed an initiator- something that sparked him up, let his inhibitions run free and make him go wild- then, and only then will he produce results. Someday, his fire will burn off, leaving a trail of leftover proof- and it’d be beautiful.

In short, Goro desperately searched the initiator.

So him and Maruki had never come eye to eye, Maruki believing Goro was some sort of semi-psychopath who needed help, and Goro thinking Maruki was just an idiot with lack of brains, who, like the majority of people, tried pushing his own ideals onto someone else, regardless of what their own opinions were- as long as Maruki deemed them ‘wrong’ they were unhealthy, and as such was the character wrong in a whole.

Goro didn’t regret splashing the water bottle in his face after the last session of his life, and swore himself never to visit a therapist again.

So that was that.

Coming back onto the topic of Ren – Goro had always felt attracted to him, if it hadn’t been obvious. It was only over time- specifically, their fight in Leblanc, that Goro had begun to hope- that Ren, of all people, would understand. That he had been indeed the guy Goro had been searching for in life. The initiator, the spark he’d been searching for. That was why the idea of letting him walk away from their game like that irked him to no end- and why he’d go so far as to use other humans as pawns.

And yeah, that wasn’t healthy.

But did Goro care?

Nope.

Well, he couldn’t ignore Ren’s ideals- that were somehow still fundamentally different from his, in a way, despite all their parallels. Or more like, Goro couldn’t ignore his hardcore bro-con.

He decided it was easier to leave before Ren started questioning him and threw him out of the twin’s life for good. Because that was what was going to happen, he knew. Like his delirious self had said: everyone would abandon him at some point. Ren’s limit was probably exceeded now, and Goro thought it’d be better to leave before Ren called the cops on him.

Because, ironically, calling the cops would ensure Goro’s societal death confirmed- followed by Shido murdering him for good.

Goro couldn’t let that happen. Not yet.

_Maybe sometime._

So his arm was broken, but he could use his legs to move- he shuffled around, kicking the blanket away and robbing like some sort of stranded fish, hoping it would ensure him to get out of bed less painfully- and fuck, did his body hurt like a bitch- but all he did was stir up a lot of noise, and Goro hadn’t realized-

-that there was someone lying on the ground until Goro was stepping on them, losing his balance for good and falling dramatically. Shit, he was gonna hit the ground with his face!

There were a pair of strong arms holding him up, in what must have been the most uncomfortable rescue in his entire life- and Ren groaned, pushing Goro back inch by inch, rising up slowly from the ground. When he was sure Goro had regained his balance and was back on the bed, he let go, peeking up from his seated positon on the ground.

Ren’s hair was- in a state of chaos, to say the least. His eyelashes dropped lazily as he yawned, throwing Goro an irritated glare. “The fuck do you need at- well, it’s morning now, sure, but you bumped in in one hell of a time, so- yeah.” Ren rubbed the sleep out of his eyes- he seemed like the epitome of a human wreck- but even in that state, Goro couldn’t help but be drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“I’m…just trying to go to the toilet.” “Yeah, sure, and I’m the king of China.” “What do you care?” “You look like you’re trying to escape, and uh? Honestly? Not a good idea. Tae ordered you to stay in bed for at least a week.”

Right. Of course. “You really think I’d let myself be confined to bed for a week?”

“You’re on unpaid leave for two, after all.”

What?

“What?” Goro repeated, unsure of what he just heard. Ren yawned again.

“Yeah, I had, like, Futaba check in on your employment status over the night- and she said apparently, Tokyo Police Department had received a formal letter of you saying you were requesting unpaid leave for two weeks- this morning. Some sort of ‘family emergency’.”

Goro’s blood ran cold. “Did you-“

“No, no, don’t jump my throat, dude. I swear it wasn’t my doing- Futaba said she couldn’t track the source back- but that it looked like it came straight from you, with your sign and shit. She also checked in at your college, and-“

“-Ha, let me guess, a formal letter of absence for two weeks?”

Ren nodded, and Goro felt like tearing the glorious bed into shreds. That fucker Shido. The fucking nerve.

Goro would get him.

But for that, he had to leave the bed and get a move on. Though of course that rose the question…where to? Tokyo Police Department, when Shido had ensured Goro couldn’t go there to report his missing things?

Argh, _the fucker._

Goro let out a frustrated yell- startling Ren to the bones. “Geez, give a guy warning…” Goro didn’t mind him, instead opting to pull at his hair with his healthy hand.

His hand was gently pried away, a warm touch engulfing it instead. Ren had moved up from the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Goro, observing him with an unreadable expression. Of course- he’d always had a good poker face. Obviously he’d look like that now, too, not revealing his intentions.

“Let go”, Goro growled, snatching his hand away and instantly missing the warmth of Ren’s body.

“What’s going through your head, Goro?”

“None of your business!”

“It kind of is, considering you stumbled into Crossroads and scared half the staff to death.”

“Don’t act as if you really care. You were worried about your brother’s safety, that was all- not like I give a shit about him.”

Ren sighed, shifting away from the bed and left the room. He quickly came back, holding a lunch box in his hands- moving to the window under Goro’s watchful gaze.

“Well, I obviously won’t deny the fact that Akira’s safety was an absolute priority to me, back then- but you were worried about him as well, weren’t you?”

Goro merely hissed.

Ren opened the window, facing some sort of street- Shinjuku was dead in the morning, coming to live in the afternoon into the late night. Ren playfully dangled the lunch box out of the window.

“Well, if you don’t give a shit- I can throw this away, right?”

“What the –fuck!” Goro tried lurching off the bed as Ren let the box fall, belatedly realizing it was a bad call- his sprained leg sent him stumbling with a painful howl, putting him into a similar position that he’d found himself in after falling over the lunch box. He buried his face into the bed, tears and snot dangerously close to falling- before he was gently flipped around and thrown back onto his back, hissing and biting after every inch of skin coming near his face.

He glared at Ren, breathing heavily- he felt the adrenaline pumping into his veins. All of a sudden, Ren dangled something in front of his nose.

The lunchbox.

“Whoops, totally forgot I had a window seat. Oh well.”

Goro’s scream resembled that of a wild animal.

“Fuck, man, can you like, calm down for a minute?” Ren looked as upset as Goro felt. Ren put the box away, throwing himself onto the bed as well- hovering above Goro, caging his head between his arms, entrapping Goro’s legs with his own, keeping a safe distance from the worst wounds and the most painful ones. 

_Feels like trying to tame a wild animal,_ Ren thought.

“Listen”, he began, swallowing a heavy sigh, “I don’t know what happened to you. I know Akira is safe, but I have no fucking knowledge about what in the ever living fuck happened to you. Is it that hard for you to believe I had a heart attack when you collapsed onto me like that? Is the concept of ‘worry’ so foreign to you, Goro? So what if I might have ulterior motives- which, uh, I don’t, because in case you haven’t noticed, dipshit- I don’t gain anything from keeping you here. Heck, it’d be safer to have someone kill you off than let you run around my brother for any longer.” Ren closed his eyes briefly.

When he opened his eyes, the mix of confusion, anger, worry, sadness- it was all so evident in the ever so famous Detective Prince’s face, it was almost laughable. But there was also a glimmer of hope, albeit it was small and flickered on and off.

Ren sighed audibly. “Listen- _listen._ I’m not letting you leave the fucking bed for the minimum of an entire week. I’ll pause my jobs if I have to- no way in hell am I letting you run the streets in this state. Especially when whoever came after you could target you again. You’ll spill the story of what happened, whether you like it or not.”

Goro’s gaze hardened. “All that you need to know”, he pressed out, “is that your brother isn’t going to turn into a target. I doubt I’ll be able to get rid of him if I tried to cut all contact to him now, so it’s probably safer for him to hang around me than to have him be assaulted while he’s busy stalking me- don’t worry about that. There’s nothing more I have to say, however.”

Goro knew, after all, that Ren wouldn’t stay now- that Ren had no reason to participate in their game anymore. Maybe it’d be easier for Goro to limit information and slowly cut the twins out of his life, one by one. It’d be better in the long run to have no one to mourn him, after all.

He wasn’t worth it anyway.

Ren threw his head back and grimaced, barely holding a scream back. “Gosh, you’re- so- fucking- stubborn- I swear!” He released Goro from his cage- as if Goro would even have been able to fight back- and sat back onto the soft sheets covering the bed, his back towards Goro.

“You know I’m cancelling this stupid game from now on, Goro.” “I’m well aware. I admit defeat- fair and square. I’d probably have either died or be humiliated in front of the entire country if you hadn’t caught me, after all.”

Ren growled again. “I’m saying, you stupid dipshit, that I’ll _stay_. That’s why I’m cancelling-urgh, nevermind. Even without your threats about my brother and whatnot I will be there.”

“That’s bullshit- there’s nothing in it for you.”

“Because- when it comes to humans- sometimes we don’t do shit for reasons! Sometimes, we just fucking _care._ Urgh.” It was Ren’s turn to bury his hands in his hair and pull.

A tiny part of Goro’s frozen heart stirred at that- hadn’t that been what he wanted in life all this time? Someone who stayed- who promised to be there? But Goro was scared- the concept was just too good to be true, after all. He’d been waiting for someone like that all his life. No way he’d find him now, here of all places. Right next to him.

Goro was sure there was still some ulterior motive- Ren must know about his new relationship with Akira, and decided it was important to keep close to Goro to gain information about his brother. That must have been it.

It would be easier in the long run to believe that.

The alternative would be constantly being scared of losing Ren.

Well, Goro seemed to be in some deep shit there. He didn’t understand the swivel of emotions stirring in his body- he wanted to scream and tear the world apart, and at the same time-

“Fuck, Goro, you weren’t supposed to start crying again.”

Goro covered his face with his hand, hoping it would hide the pathetic state of his self. There was ruffling, and he felt a human’s warmth as his hand was pried off, Ren mustering him with blank eyes.

“Tae will kill me for making a patient go through a turmoil of emotions, I swear.”

It was all Goro heard before soft lips collided with his- he winced, his heartrate spiking abruptly, but the kiss- it wasn’t like the ones before, all bite and bark and teeth. It was a soft pressure against his own, a gentle comfort, pliant lips moving however and wherever Goro dictated them to.

It made no sense.

This was a mess.

And yet, Goro’s hand that sneaked up on Ren’s back- the one Ren had pried away himself- it remained buried in the raven’s messy hair, tugging him closer, gently- to keep him from the inevitable parting that would come.

When Ren pried himself away, Goro’s leftover tears drying on his cheeks Goro still couldn’t read him at all.

“You know, it’s weird. You make me feel like I’d be worth keeping around.” Ren’s voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, but Goro picked up on it nevertheless, a smirk playing on his own lips.

“So do you”, he whispered back.

Ren just sighed.

_I just have to act more like Akira,_ he told himself, _make him see my twin, not me. That’s all there is to it. I have to find a way to outwit this smartass._

_Even if this hot mess of a boy is unexpectedly growing on me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of Goro's mind pattern? Honestly, this concept was really difficult to explain and I hope I was able to portray it properly! If you have any more questions, feel free to tell me!
> 
> As always, leave a comment or kudos if you liked!


	18. Under its shine, the fool dances; the moon fights- a symphony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Lemme drown you in fluff  
> Also I spent a lot of time googling flowers and their meanings so suffice to say the symbolism is important hehe

After another spat- alright, quite a few, to be exact- Goro finally acquiesced to staying in bed for a week. Ren would stay at home, only leaving the apartment for when Tae had time to watch over Goro, or have any groceries delivered by his ginger-headed sister. She poked her curious head into Ren’s room quite a few times, but she merely took a glance at Goro before disappearing again.

Ren himself slept on the ground next to Goro on a mattress he’d pulled out of some closet. Said it was to prevent Goro from escaping.

But in the nights when the young Detective was tormented by pain and nightmares, there was a quiet figure right next to him, whispering soothing words into his ear, stroking his head and preventing Goro from injuring himself further- he’d stay right next to Goro like an unwavering rock in the turbulent sea, right until Goro could fall asleep again.

Maybe Ren wasn’t staying for the mere purpose of preventing a jailbreak.

***

“Do you know how to use a smartphone, Goro?”

“What?” Goro threw an irritated glare towards the raven sprawled on the bed next to him. Ren had decided they’d spend the day in bed today, ordering food from some restaurant- so he hadn’t even bothered to change out of pajamas today. He lay down next to Goro on the huge bed, dressed in a ridiculous shirt by an old band called ‘The Phantom Thieves’.

“I’m just wondering if you know how to use a smartphone. You know? Since you seemed to use that old tacky thing last time I checked.” “I may not be versatile with all models, but I’m not dumb enough not to know how to use an electronic device.”

“Really?”

Goro heard the grin a mile away. “Yes?”

“Then go ahead and take a selfie of us.”

“A what now?”

“A selfie. A picture of the two of us- with the camera panned towards us.” “I doubt we make a very attractive picture, me with my injured face, you just- sprawled onto the bed, with your bed hair sticking around everywhere and your clothes-“ “-Shaping me oh-so-attractively? Oh, Goro, flattery will get you everywhere. But not now. Take a selfie, come on! You’re even allowed to use filters if you like.”

Obviously Goro didn’t ask what filters were as Ren handed him the phone. “I only have- one hand to use that for, though. You know I shouldn’t overuse my other hand right now.” “Hmm, you’re right. Might make things difficult- and I can’t risk my phone falling onto your face.”

“It won’t fall onto my face!”

“Really? I mean, it’s totally easy to take a selfie with one hand- let me show you.”

Didn’t that destroy the whole point of using Goro’s non-knowledge? Oh well.

He wouldn’t question Ren’s actions for now.

Ren held the phone up high, swiping the lock-screen- a picture of Sojiro and Futaba in Leblanc- away in one smooth motion, automatically starting the camera. He pressed a weird shaped button, making the camera flip around- and instead of the ceiling, it now featured Goro’s surprised face and Ren’s Cheshire-like grin. There was a camera icon put upon some sort of round button, and Ren immediately pressed it a few times.

When Goro finally realized they were already taking pictures, his awestruck face had already been pictured for eternity.

“You’re supposed to tell me before you take a pic!” “Whoops. Sorry. Totally forgot!” “Of course you did”, Goro growled, and Ren’s pearling laughter found its way to his ear.

When he was handed the phone, he tried hard to depict Ren in a surprised manner- but the cursed guy just continued to look all smooth and suave as Goro struggled to balance the phone in his hand.

Luckily, just as it slipped out of Goro’s shaky hand, Ren was there to catch it midair before it would have awkwardly collided with his already injured face.

“Told you you’d let it fall.”

Goro didn’t realize that when he stuck out his tongue in a childish manner of teasing back, Ren took a silent picture of that as well.

And neither would know that Ren would soon put the picture as his new home screen, replacing the old picture of Leblanc’s attic that he took when he had first arrived five years ago.

***

On the morning of Day 3, Goro found unexpected joy in breakfast in bed as a steaming mug of coffee was placed alongside the tray of food, served on a wooden platter.

The rich aroma of the coffee invaded Goro’s senses, and he was extremely impatient, wanting immediately to take a sip. Ren made noises of protest whenever he held up the cup of coffee too early, warning Goro he’d never be served coffee again if he didn’t wait for it to cool down.

The threat was effective.

When Goro was finally allowed to, the chocolatey flavor almost fooled him in thinking he was served a cup of hot chocolate, not coffee. Ren was quick to explain. “It’s Guatemalan Strictly Hard Bean- a type of coffee bean with more acidity than anything else I served you so far, but it has an unexpected chocolatey flavor if you know how to brew it properly.”

“Am I to assume you’re a barista at home, too?”

“Of course.” Ren flashed Goro a cheeky smirk. “Being a barista is my passion, you know? Serving pretty people like you and impressing them is my forte.”

“So your ‘passion’ contains hitting on your customers as well?”

“Only the handsome ones- I told you so, right?”

Goro rolled his eyes, but he was charmed nevertheless.

***

During the dawn of the fourth evening, Goro learnt what it meant to steal someone else’s Netflix account. Ren had helped him move to the living room, sitting on the extremely large, extremely comfortable couch, with his leg propped up on a cushion placed on some sort of stool. Ren had an unnecessarily large Plasma TV, and he said it’d be a shame not to use it. Apparently, the son of his friend- named Kaoru- paid for a Netflix subscription, and Ren was eager to make use of it.

The two partners created a separate profile- Ren insisted on picking Sherlock’s hat and pipe as an icon- and went on to skim the entire catalogue. They started a romantic chick flick, but quickly realized they were both falling asleep during the beginning, and decided to change to something else. Ren was overly eager to show him some trading card anime, and Goro admitted- if you overlooked the fact that it was targeted for a child audience, it wasn’t half bad. He even caught himself giggling here and there.

They also watched something called ‘Winx Club’, but Goro was utterly bored by it, even as Ren started dancing and singing along.

Paranormal activity was more interesting, but the acting of a few people was so bad, Goro found it more interesting to analyze the bad special effects and how they were staged.

In the end, they settled for watching the live action series of Sherlock Holmes. Ren seemed to be a hidden fan, though he vehemently refused to admit that.

“Are you telling me you just have a weakness for detectives, then?”

Ren, with his sharp canines and his wicked grin, just smirked up at Goro. He had decided to lie down on the couch entirely, stretching out his body and giving Goro dangerous flashes of his skin here and there. “Maybe? Maybe not.” Ren blinked. “Only the-“

“The handsome ones, yes, we get it.”

“Actually, I was about to say ‘Only the one sitting on my couch’ but, well, I guess that doesn’t stray too far from the truth, either.”

Ren continued smiling unapologetically, even as Goro’s cheeks went warm, refusing to meet the barista’s gaze for the rest of the evening.

The blue Delphiniums placed on the small table under the large TV swayed playfully

*** 

One early morning found Goro sitting upright in Ren’s- temporarily his - bed, devouring one of Ren’s many mystery novels. Ren had dumped some books on the nightstand right after their first dispute, saying he’d have to offer Goro something against his boredom to prevent him from breaking out and shit. Goro barely reacted when someone opened the bedroom door, approaching him with swift steps.

Something clattered onto the illegally soft lining of the bed with a soft thud, jerking Goro’s attention away. “Did you have to ruin the moment? They were just about to catch the murderer.”

Ren had already turned back and attempted to leave the room. Goro, however, knew without looking he was wearing that shit-eating grin again.

“Sorry, honey- I’m home. Just thought I should deliver something.” Goro quirked an eyebrow up.

“Well, welcome back.”

The Detective finally took a proper glance on the mysterious item.

It was a smartphone. A rather new one, at that.

It immediately made him scowl. He didn’t need- “I don’t need alms, Ren.” “Oh, yeah, you don’t. It’s not, though. It’s one of Futaba’s former smartphones- she doesn’t need it, nor does she use it. We figured you should contact Akira after having gone missing for five days already- your boyfriend’s going a little crazy about not being able to reach you.”

Goro wanted to protest against the word ‘boyfriend’ until he’d realized he was…actually in a relationship with Akira. Right. He’d sort of…ignored that fact for a while.

Dang.

“Let me guess, you’ve already installed his phone number?” “Well, I didn’t- Futaba did. She also added the numbers of his friends- the pretty blonde one’s at least. My baby sis read some of their chat logs and apparently Akira is worried you’ve been kidnapped or dead because you’ve never been absent before, while this Ann girl tried- tries- to reassure him you’re probably involved in some case. They even went to the precinct to check on you, but they were turned away without any information.” “Why on earth-“

“Aw come on, Goro-“ Ren snipped his fingers. “Your boyfriend and your other friend are worried about you- you owe one of them a phone call, at least. Spin whatever lie you feel comfortable with, I guess- so long as they stop plotting how to storm a police station, I’m fine with whatever. I’ll be in the kitchen to whip up some breakfast. Oh yeah and- Futaba’s installed the world’s best anti-virus shit on her phones, so don’t worry about being bugged or something. Though, I guess even if I say that, you probably won’t believe me. Catch this, though- Futaba doesn’t even like informing me when to listen in with Akira, after the…Iwai incident. So she usually stays away from this whole business as best as she can.”

“The one where she stumbled upon you fucking another guy?”

“The exact one.”

Before Goro could conjure up a rebuttal, Ren had already left the room, closing the door behind him.

He really tried to ignore the phone next to him as he picked up his book again. He really did.

But something kept nagging at him to take the cursed thing and call Akira. He’d whip up a lie in a jiffy- he knew how to cover his tracks. But why would he even need to explain himself at all? Did relationships work that way, that if you disappeared for a few days, people begun to worry so much they’d raid a police station to find you?

Goro didn’t know. After thoroughly checking the phone for suspicious apps and having some sort of anti-virus app scan the damn contents of the phone, Goro believed it was safe for use- besides, even if it wasn’t, Akira’s phone was bugged anyway.

The phone beeped for an incessant long amount of time. Goro was just about to throw the phone against the wall in frustration when a familiar voice picked up: “Uh, hello?”

“Akira.”

Alright, so Goro did _not_ know how to initiate this conversation, and he was lucky no one was there to witness the scowl appearing on his face. “It’s me.”

There was frantic rustling, a yelp, and a pained groan, followed by more crashing sounds and murmured whispers, followed by mechanical sounds- Goro worried the line had been cut, until the voice resounded again, this time much more frantic, worried. “Akechi?! Akechi is it you?! Fuck-“

Oh no, Goro did not look forward to being reprimanded- he didn’t want to be lectured about disappearing- nope.

“-Fuck, I’m so glad I finally got a life signal from you! I was so worried! I thought you’d regretted, uh- you know, the whole boyfriend thing at first- but then I grew more and more anxious that you were kidnapped or some stalker or-“

“Why would I let myself be bested by some sort of stalker? I’m not that incompetent, you know.”

To Goro’s surprise, Akira chuckled. “I know that! I know, dunno. I just…I was worried. You just up and disappeared- that’s never happened before. I was…I’m so glad to hear you voice, Goro. You’re okay, right?”

Akira’s tone had gone impossibly soft, and it stirred some- weird feelings inside of Goro. “Well, you needn’t worry. I’m…perfectly fine.” _Except for the bruises and the broken leg and you know, all that._

“I was involved in a case that required my utmost attention- and I’m afraid my phone broke during the investigation process. I had some backup data on my laptop at home, but I couldn’t access it until now. I, uh…I probably won’t be able to return for a while, as the whole case hasn’t wrapped up yet. I just…figured you should know.”

“And you’re totally fine? No physical or mental scars? Everything is going well?”

The manifestation of worry and anxiety was palpable in Akira’s voice. Goro silently shook his head, suppressing a groan. “I told you I’m- fine. You’ll be able to reach me under this…phone number for the next time in case you need me for anything.”

“So I can…call you?”

Goro’s scowl deepened. Why was Akira asking so many weird questions? Urgh, he was a real headache. “I wouldn’t be telling you if you couldn’t.”

Akira let out a shaky exhale at the other end of the line. “Sorry, I know. I understand. Just…promise me to stay safe, okay? I miss you. I miss you so much, Akechi- and my mind went crazy these past days. Just…you don’t regret this whole…thing between us, right? You’re…happy with being in a relationship with me?”

Goro froze. This was the perfect getaway to end his relationship with Akira- there wasn’t anything in this anymore, either. Ren and he himself had declared the game was off- so there was no reason to continue this façade. He’d barely even started it, anyway- and Akira seemed to believe maybe Goro was regretting this as well.

But, for some reason, Goro was reminded of their exchanges during lunch- of the demanding and yet gentle intrusion of his comfort zone in the bathroom- of the jealousy Akira held towards Ren for capturing Goro’s attention effortlessly. Of the special lunch boxes prepared for him.

Of the kindness that had broken Goro to eat trash from the ground.

He imagined that, all that, all the nice things Akira had done for him- for seemingly no other reason than Goro himself, though Goro still had a hard time believing that- trust issues and all that jazz.

Goro imagined what it’d be like to break the sunny smile on the boy’s face by telling him he didn’t feel shit towards him.

He also remembered jumping out of the bed when Ren had tried throwing the Featherman R lunch box out of the window.

Goro sighed, deeply. It was weird- all his life, he’d tried staying away from people and not trying to let anyone grow too close to him- for many reasons. He also wished desperately for the attention to his true self while doing the exact opposite of letting anyone see him so vulnerable. He hated how much his rival had gotten under his skin over the course of a mere year, hated how…

How unexpectedly attached he’d grown, now, after all this time. He shouldn’t be like this. He was supposed to pursue his goal- his goal of destroying anyone in his way to kill Shido- he didn’t need an overly worried boyfriend and his merry group of friends tagging along.

But a part of him wanted it. He wanted it so badly his heart ached and screamed when he thought of losing the only tranquility he had- of having to return to a life without Ren, and then without Akira. He wasn’t ready to let go yet- not after the incident. Not after he was worried of landing onto the streets again, forgotten and forsaken by the world all over again.

Stupid, shitty twins. Stupid feelings and stupid Goro and-

“I’ve never done anything in my life that I’d regret later on, Akira.”

Oh heck yeah he had, there were approximately a million skeletons hiding in that closet.

Not that he’d ever let anyone open Pandora’s Box.

Except maybe…a certain barista.

Goro was trailing off.

“And if you want me to continue feeling that way, maybe you should stop doubting my feelings and trust me a little more.”

Ha! Trust? Had that really come out of Goro Akechi’s own mouth right now?

There was rustling on the other end of the phone, and another welp. “What’s even happening there, Akira? What’s all this noise about?” Goro grew incessantly annoyed by both the background noises as well as the lack of response.

“Sorry, I just…when you called, I was so shocked and excited I ran into a pole on my way to the train station, and when I realized it was you I ran all the way out again so the line wouldn’t cut off and- I ran into another pole. Silly me.”

“That is…truly clumsy.”

“I know! And…you’re right. You never do anything half-heartedly, Akechi. Thinking you’d regret this whole connection between us- I suppose it isn’t acting fair towards you. I just- it still feels like a dream, you know? Having you by my side. Hearing your voice like this.”

Urgh, what did he have with Goro’s voice? As far as Goro was concerned, no one’d ever bothered to truly listen to him anyway- much less develop some sort of hearing kink. “If you like my voice so much, you can listen to it on TV”, he spat out, belatedly realizing he’d have to work on taking out the venom in his voice.

But of course this only caused Akira to laugh, no doubt a brilliant smile appearing on his lips. “I know! I know. But that’s the public Detective Prince speaking there- not Goro Akechi, all snark and bite and fire. Not…my beloved boyfriend.” Goro’s heart made a weird tumble at the wistful tone in Akira’s voice.

Guess he’d have to check up on with Tae if he carried off some heart diseases from the whole incident.

He blatantly _refused_ to acknowledge the warmth spreading in his body caused by Akira’s sweet-honey trifled words. They weren’t real after all.

Besides, if one day, Akira found out about all the dirty secrets and petty lies- he wouldn’t stay by Goro’s side, anyway. He was too soft for living in such a dirty world and trying to rescue Goro out of it was futile.

His twin wasn’t quite so soft, though. And neither would he attempt to rescue Goro out of a dirty, dark world.

_Stupid brain, stop trailing off!_

“Well, Akechi…I wish you luck for the case for now. I really hope we can see each other again soon! I’ll text you before I call to check in if you’re free?” “Of course.” “Can I pass your number along to Ann? She was mad worried. She tried reassuring me all the time, but she was just as distressed as I was. Believe it or not, even Ryuji said he thought your disappearance was weird.” “That…They don’t have to be concerned.”

Akira laughed. “Yeah, but they’re your friends, Akechi. They’re gonna be worried either way, whether you want them or not.”

“Well, then they must be extremely bored with their own lives.” “No, you stubborn prick, they care about you.” Akira’s tone was gentle, as if chiding a child- and Goro felt so tired, all of a sudden, to fight against all this open and genuine affection. It was draining. It was exhausting.

It was comforting.

“Sooooo…I hope you take care of yourself. Eat well! Or else I’m gonna force down a hundred lunch boxes on you once you’re back.” “That won’t be necessary.” “Yeah, if you eat properly! And sleep. I hope you can catch some sleep. By the way- you know you’re welcome to call me anytime too, right?”

Goro almost sneered. “I wouldn’t have expected any less.” “Was that a compliment? I’m gonna treat that as praise!” “You’re a fool if you think that way.”

“Well- but I’m your fool, right?”

Akechi’s breath caught in his throat.

“Well, anyway, if I don’t return to the station soon, they’re gonna have my head for the seminar for running ultra-late. You know I kept meticulous notes for you, right? I’m gonna keep doing that.” “…Of course. But if you miss class, you won’t be able to even take notes, you’re aware? That’d make you useless.” “ I know! I know. But I also don’t wanna hang up. I want to-“ “-Keep hearing my voice? Sentimental fool.”

Akira’s giggles almost caused Goro to smile.

But only almost.

“Don’t shame me! You were gone for almost a week. Anyone would be worried if their significant other was gone for that long without any means to reach them. Seriously, you could have been dead in an alley-way.”

Well, that was as close to the truth as Akira would be getting.

“And I wouldn’t even know! That’d kill me.” “Hm, I see.” “Don’t ‘Hm, I see’ me! Well, next time around you disappear, I’d appreciate it if you told me- really. And…” “Yes?”

“We’re waiting for you to return, you know? There’s been an empty lunch seat during breaks. Also, I miss my human heater- sparking me up from the in- and the outside!”

Goro had never had a place to return to, much less people waiting for him to do so. It was no wonder he was stunned again at what to say, though he knew the words were naught but lies.

“Yikes, that’s the last train I can get for today without risking to be extremely late! Gotta run, Akechi. Goooooodbyeeee-“ The rest of Akira’s frantic yells were interrupted by a static before the line went dead altogether.

Goro was afraid this phone would break if he threw it across the room. So he refrained from doing that, merely placing it on the nightstand. How could Akira Kurusu even manage to display his feelings on an open platter like that? Wasn’t he afraid someone was gonna use him someday? Cheat on him? Hurt his feelings?

Like Goro was probably doing right now, with playing with his twin around his back.

Goro buried his face in the pillows, drowning out his groans. His stomach rebelled, calling for food, and he knew there’d be delicious smells invading his nose if he just opened the door- he was able to move around with one clutch, sparing his still sprained hand, but he also wasn’t supposed to move around on his own too much. He would probably end up straining his shoulder or worse, his other hand. Some of Goro’s wounds were already on their way to recovery, albeit the process was still a painful one.

Slowly, with a bad case of bed hair, Goro rose and got up to his feet- it was a slow process and he wasn’t sure if he’d die from hunger before reaching the kitchen- but then he finally, finally did, the sweet smell of pancakes invading his senses.

He sat down at the small coffee table in the unnecessary huge kitchen area, blending oh-so-casually into the living room thanks to the similar colors- the area was painted in black, white and grey colors, splotched with a few different colored plants all around. There were even a few potted flowers, like lilies- though when Goro first pointed out how pretty they were, Ren had dissolved into laughter. “They are”, he’d pressed out, “they just don’t…fit my lifestyle at all. I guess I’m just waiting to pass them onto Akira someday.”

Goro definitely didn’t try to look up the meaning of lilies in the flowerpedia Ren kept alongside his other books.

But he’d hoped, somewhere, that Ren would match its image one day. He was sure.

For now though, he was greeted by a plate of steamy, fluffy pancakes- his mouth watered at the sight. The last few days he’d been fed through with various food and items, things that were supposed to boost his recovery and fasten it, but they were….well, let’s just say there were more enjoyable meals he’d had by Ren before.

There was one enjoyable thing about the whole ‘Goro sprained his hand’ situation though. Ren always sat next to Goro- always, in case he needed help with cutting or the like. Though the meals weren’t ever prepared in the way that Goro would have trouble eating it alone- besides, he was used to being left to his own devices, hurt or unhurt. But, well.

Today, Goro felt like being spoiled.

Maybe it was the seductive glint of the syrup running down the sides of the four stacked pancakes- or maybe it was the overly-sweet call from Akira. There was a devious plan forming in Goro’s head, and he’d see it through.

“I’m afraid my other wrist feels a little funny today.”

“What?” Ren’s head whipped into his direction. His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned in close. “You think it’s swollen?” Gently, he tugged on Goro’s sleeve, as if the reveal of skin would tell him much more about the inner anatomy of Goro’s muscles and bones. Ren’s long fingers stroked over Goro’s wrist, stroked over his fastening pulse- the detective suppressed a sigh. “I don’t know, but it- feels a little bit off, I suppose. I guess I should refrain from using my hands too much today.”

Ren let go of Goro’s wrist and the detective immediately yearned back the skin-on-skin contact. “So, let me guess, you want me to cut the pancake and feed it to you?” Defeat spoke out of Ren’s expression, his slack posture and monotone voice already giving way to Goro’s victory.

“Well, that’s better than risking anything, right?”

The two men mustered each other, each one wearing a blank expression- until Ren gave in. “You better not be lying about this, Goro.”

“Who, me? Never.”

The responding growl amused him to no end.

Patiently, Ren pushed his own plate of plain bread and jam away, instead focusing on cutting Goro’s delicious smelling pancakes. “These really are a masterpiece, I can tell already.” “Don’t praise the cook before you had food, Goro. Who knows? Could be poisoned.”

“If you wanted to kill me, you wouldn’t have bothered to patch me up these last days.” “Maybe I have a kink of killing my patients by making them think I’m healing them.” “Maybe. But-“

Ren offered Goro the first bite, and Goro couldn’t find it in him to resist. “-Mhmm. But I wouldn’t mind dying for these pancakes. They’re exquisite.”

Ren snorted. “You sound like an old fart from the uppity class when you talk all posh like that.” “How rude of you. Maybe I should stop praising you then.” “Yeah, you should. Or are you dropping hints of secretly harboring a praise kink?”

Ren’s hand reached out towards Goro, pinching his cheeks softly as he puckered his lips and snuffled: “Aw, look at my cute boy, my sweet baby, eating his pancakes like the good boy he is. Who’s a good boy? You are!”

To Goro’s horror, his cheeks actually grew warm under the praise- and apparently also red because Ren’s eyes widened as he pressed out a silent ‘o’.

Before collapsing into laughter. “Oh my gosh, you _actually_ have a praise kink. Does it get you hot, too? Will you turn all hot and bothered if you keep being praised like a little boy?”

“Shut up! I don’t have a praise kink!” Goro’s cheeks were burning- but now, out of embarrassment rather than anything else.

“You totally do!” “No I don’t! Now stop laughing and feed me!” “Of course, sure.” Ren’s laughter disappeared.

“Open up, sweet little boy.”

And then he dissolved into laughter again.

Goro tried reaching out for the wobbling piece of pancake on the fork Ren was holding out with his mouth- he couldn’t give up his farce not even five minutes in- but since Ren was shaking uncontrollably, it instead smudged all over his face, leaving a trail of syrup and dough on his face- ew, it was getting in his nose. “Reeeen”, he whined, “urgh, you smashed it all over my face!”

“Sorry, sorry, you _cute little boy_ , let me-“ Ren reached for the napkins, but he couldn’t hold in the giggles escaping him, causing his eyes to crinkle and make him look…so much younger. So much freer than before.

Goro decided he liked that look on him.

But he also had a desire for revenge.

So when Ren was close enough to wipe the dirt off of his face, Goro closed the remaining inches between them by colliding their faces- rubbing his cheeks and his lips and his nose, all covered in syrup, all over Ren’s face, leaving out no spot- so fast Ren didn’t even react safe for a confused blink.

Goro pulled away a bit, gazing upon his masterpiece proudfully- there was sticky syrup clinging onto Ren’s face now. “Aw, look at you”, Goro cooed, “All dirty and sticky. Let me help you clean up, will you? Poor little boy.”

There was a particular long stripe of syrup trailing along Ren’s cheek and nose- the perfect target. Goro leaned in again, his tongue darting out, licking away the stripe of honey in one swift move. Ren’s face felt hot under his tongue, or was that just Goro’s imagination?

Was it also his imagination how Ren seemed to tremble upon every additional lick that Goro left?

Well, Goro was nothing but meticulous.

He began to lap up every single inch of skin, covered by syrup or not, until he was close, _so close,_ to Ren’s lips again- but then he was pushed away, putting an end to his…well, whatever this had been.

Ren’s eyes were dark, conjuring up the same storm Goro had missed seeing for so long, a different sort of frown appearing on his handsome face. His voice was husky as he talked, sending a shiver down Goro’s spine. “You also seem like a really bad, really hungry stray cat. As always.”

“Hm. Well, I couldn’t use a napkin to clean up the mess I accidentally left behind, could I? Remember, sprained wrists?” “I guess not. Someone has to discipline you on how to behave, though.”

“Oh? And you’d like to be that someone?”

_Please say yes._

“Nah, that’s your boyfriend’s role, you know. Now get back to eating- food will grow cold.”

Goro huffed, but accepted the next pieces he was fed nevertheless.

“One more question, though.” “Hm?” Goro was currently chewing on a piece of the delicious pancake as the usual up-to-no-good smirk appeared on Ren’s face.

“You think you’re also into licking someone’s cum off their face? You certainly seemed eager when it came to the honey.” “What do you mean, someone’s-“

Goro choked as he took in the full meaning of Ren’s words.

Luckily, nothing went flying- except Ren’s laughter- as he helped Goro gulp a bit of water down. Needless to say, Goro’s cheeks were burning again.

Fine. Ren had won this round.

But which round? They weren’t playing a game anymore. So what was- this? What was Ren attempting by blatantly flirting with his twin’s boyfriend? Because that certainly didn’t seem to match the face of the ever-adoring brother he was. Or maybe he was trying to break Goro off of Akira to protect his brother’s innocence- probably that. And when he’d torn Goro away from Akira, he’d let him fall like a hot potato.

Or something.

Goro desperately wished to stop thinking as he was fed another piece.

Maybe sometimes it was better not to question someone’s motives in fear of destroying the balance that had been established.

Goro certainly wasn’t complaining about being pampered.

In the evening, when he lay in bed, turning his back towards the teasing raven on the ground- he realized the true extent of what it meant to pick a fight and give in to revenge.

“You know, cum sometimes tastes salty or bitter- or sometimes, like nothing at all. So I guess maybe it’s not that much your thing, considering you like sweets and all? You could spice it up by adding honey-“

Ren’s laughter was drowned in the barrage of cushions that came flying onto his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you end up looking up what the flowers meant? Maybe for mystery's sake, I won't reveal their meaning unless you want to look it up yourself :P.  
> BUT IF YOU DID COME SCREAM AT ME PLEASE  
> Also, how do you like the chapter titles? I know they're fucking long lmao BUT THEY ALSO HAVE MEANING AND ARE ALWAYS CONNECTED TO THE SCENE PLAYING OUT hrrr symbolism all the way  
> I died when Ren took the cheeky picture of Goro and set it as his background.  
> But this fic's still an angsty trainwreck, and all things come to an end...uh oh


	19. The fool regaining power, he clashes- and burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All nice things must come to an end for Goro eventually...  
> Oh, and flower symbolism up ahead! :D

Despite the awful cute domesticity the two begun to share, the morning of day six begun rather soberly. Goro was awoken by murmurs, and he sleepily turned around. Blearily opening one of his eyes, he saw the raven talking on the phone.

“Got it. Thanks for the work, Gun Daddy.”

Goro choked on thin air.

“Looks like the lucky guy’s awake. Gotta hang up. See you!”

Ren raked himself on the ground, yawning so loud it nearly drowned out Goro’s cough. “Gee, Goro, if you get flustered every time I talk, you’re endangered to actually choke to death whenever you spend time with me.”

The barista on the makeshift bed looked as forbiddenly handsome as when he was up and running, if not more. Goro couldn’t comprehend how on earth someone was able to look that good that effortlessly. Ren’s pajamas did little in hiding his body, as he only slept in a loose shirt and jogging pants- the shirt in question riding up his abs as he continued to stretch himself and giving generous glimpses of his toned body.

The one Goro ran his hands over _once_ and couldn’t get the feeling out of his damn head anymore.

Ren’s pants hung dangerously low on his hips, and the raven’s tousling only caused it to slip further and further, giving way to-

Oh fuck, Ren wasn’t wearing boxers.

Goro quickly turned away before he could see more of the dangerous trail of hair leading down. “What?” Ren quipped as he stood up. “Why’d you suddenly stop undressing me with your eyes?” “I did _not._ Do that. That is…preposterous. The idea.”

“I mean, I know I’m hot, I don’t blame you. Enjoy the sight.”

Goro groaned into the single pillow he’d kept for the night, after the rest had been sacrificed as ammunition. “You’re not wearing underwear.” “My underwear is the least of your concerns right now, pretty boy. And yeah, why would I sleep with boxers in my own home? Thing’s pretty uncomfortable if you wake up with your morning arousal and, you know. Feel all confined and shit.”

Goro silently yelled into the pillow all over again.

“Well, anyway. I need your attention now. I told you I’d find out what happened to you, right?”

The Detective Prince felt an odd sense of dread as the bed creaked, Ren sitting down on the edge of it. Goro’s back was still turned to him, and he had even less of an intention to change that anytime now.

Had Ren finally found out about him? But how? Would he kick him out for real now?

Ah, fucking- why were Goro’s eyes damp now?

“So you’re gonna throw me out tomorrow? When the seven-day week deadline is over?”

Since Goro didn’t turn around, he couldn’t see the exasperated way Ren tousled his hair. “Goro, you’re so unreasonable sometimes. I said I was gonna find out what happened, not that I was going to throw you out once I knew.” “So? What do you know, then? Enlighten me.”

“Stop being so bitter and snarky!”

“I won’t. I thought you’d realized that was the way I was.”

A frustrated growl escaped Ren’s lips. “But you’re not like that. You don’t have to be, to be precise.”

“Well, I guess I chose to be, then”, Goro hissed. This was ridiculous. “I told you to enlighten me already”, he spat out, “so go ahead. Tell me all about the terrible Detective Prince’s assault. Go on.”

“Can you stop being so difficult for _one_ minute?! Stop making it sound like I’m exposing you for some crime! I’m just- I was worried! Didn’t do the stupid research for any other reason.”

“I didn’t _ask_ you to be worried! I don’t need you- you guys _pitying_ me for whatever stupid reason you conjured up!”

“You’re back to acting like a damn asshole, Goro. In case you didn’t realize- people have feelings. You don’t control how other people act or think.”

But that was the way he’d been taught to live his life for the past twenty-three years.

Goro growled, trying to bounce off the bed- but no, his broken leg wouldn’t have it, and instead a searing pain shot up his body as he twisted it the wrong way, paralyzing him with a loud howl.

Ren was instantly next to him.

“Why are you trying to run away? You’re just making it more painful for yourself, don’t you realize?!” Ren’s tone was harsh in stark contrast to the gentle way he reverted the position of Goro’s leg. “If you’d even listen to me for one fucking minute-“

“So I can hear how much bad company I am? How pathetic my life has been, being ordered around by my own father like a cursed puppet, useless to do anything else?! No, thanks. I’d rather not, really.”

Again, Goro tried to move, but he was restrained in his movements. He didn’t dare look Ren in the eye, in fear of what he’d read in them- pity, anger, worry for someone else- he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to fucking know.

He just wanted to get away from here.

“Urgh, Goro, what the hell?! What do you mean your father ordered you around?! What’s this whole business about your Dad anyway?! I checked in with the fucking Yakuza- I wanted to know if you were robbed by them, or some random mugger on the streets. Turns out- neither! Whoever the fuck the people attacking you were, no one from the underworld seemed to know or if they did, they didn’t fucking dare expose them. Which means exactly one thing.”

Ren took a shaky breath. “You pissed off a person who’s holding a rather powerful position with a lot of money and connections. Someone who could silence the Yakuza or hire hitmen to fucking kill you without anyone knowing. And if this were involved in some case with you- like, I don’t know, a homicide- you wouldn’t have come running to me. To go further, you wouldn’t need to hide as much as you can from society- I remember how vehemently you protested against checking in at the hospital days ago. No matter how much bullshit you spew about your image being tarnished, the argument doesn’t really hold out against the dramatic headlines of ‘The Detective Prince injured in investigations!’ It’d earn you pity- it wouldn’t make you look less bad.”

The raven coughed. “Fuck, they didn’t kill you Goro, but who knows how close they were? I can say they weren’t the average mugger by the wounds inflicted on you- they weren’t merely trying to hurt you. It was about breaking your soul- humiliating you. I know they threw you into the trash can- had people witnessing it.” Ren noticed the panicked expression appearing on Goro’s face. “Don’t worry- they don’t know you. They don’t even have access to a TV or something. They just wondered why on earth someone was crawling out of their favorite food spot.”

Goro’s face contorted at that.

If they’d witnessed as much, they had also known- about how Goro had eaten the lunch from the ground.

Well, great. Every damn fucking time Goro thought he couldn’t appear any less pathetic in front of Ren, he was proven wrong.

“Point is”, Ren continued on, undeterred, “I know as much as I have before- nothing. I know nothing about you, Goro. And I won’t know how to protect you if you don’t open up and tell me.”

_No._

“I don’t need your protection”, Goro hissed out, “I don’t need- shit from you, Ren. Nothing.”

“You want _me”_ , Ren retorted with a passion that made Goro bristle- one that evoked his inner rebel and made him want to smash Ren’s face in. How dare he. How _dare_ he!eh

“If you want me- why can’t you trust me?! What’s your stupid problem? Can’t you just get your shit together and tell me what’s going on when you walk into my work place and were so close to dying?! I have some right to know what happened, Goro!”

Yikes. This was definitely not the way to gain Goro’s trust at all. The past week, painted in an array of colors, turned into black and white tapestries in Goro’s inner eye in a second- had Ren only been so nice to Goro to make him… _trust_ him? The one thing in life Goro had the hardest time adapting to? For what purpose? Would he also leave Goro as soon as he got what he wanted?

But what would happen then?

Goro just couldn’t turn off the mistrust he held against people in general. Ren had done a good way of unknowingly gaining Goro’s trust by not questioning anything. By merely pursuing his own goal and somehow taking care of him on the sideline- but only for the former reason. By merely staying by his side all the time and helping Goro adjust, the brunet had grown closer to him. By participating in a morally-rotten game and staying even after.

But this delicate bridge of trust was a fickle thing. Goro couldn’t know what the feeling was that had established itself next to his unquenched desire of having a sexual affair with Ren- he didn’t know that merely sleeping with Ren wouldn’t satiate him anymore. And this feeling, it confused him, it threw him into an even higher state of insecurity and anxiety, because what was it? 

He couldn’t- for the love of him- realize he was actually falling in love, and didn’t harbor a teenage-hormone-driven crush anymore.

And the bridge of trust that had settled next to his feelings to Ren was just as thin as it was explosive- when stepping onto the wrong tile, it blew up and confused Goro in a way that he wouldn’t be able to handle himself anymore. Or anything in general. He’d merely be able to feel the hurt, the pain- and due to his upbringing, only be able to distinguish it as hate- and nothing else.

“So what”, Goro yelled out, “not like _I’ve_ ever gotten what I wanted in life, so why should I grant you the honor? I don’t owe you shit, Ren- I don’t owe you a fucking explanation. And you know what? Acquiring you or not wouldn’t change a fucking thing in my life. Just the utmost satisfaction of conquering someone. Of seeing you lose to me. You know- it’s not like I know much more about you, either. I know just about as much as you do about me- don’t come at me with this whole ‘You don’t trust me’ when you obviously don’t trust me, either! You are nothing more than a hypocrite”

“This and that are something completely different things, Goro!”

“No! They’re not! You know what, Ren?! Maybe I should just let you rot away in some corner of the city and see how you react if Akira suddenly shows up and asks you what the hell happened!”

“Are you for real right now?!”

“Yes!”

For a while, a dark silence hung in the air, only the sounds of heavy breathing resounding through the room. Then, Ren started to move, slowly and carefully, and the bed creaked as he stood up, his back turned to Goro.

“You know what? Whatever. Do what the fuck you want- not like you give a shit about my feelings.”

_What feelings?_

“Yeah, I don’t.”

“Tomorrow’s the last day you’re confined to bed. Technically- I was supposed to keep you around for another week, take care of your wounds- but you know what? Do what you want. I’m not stopping you if you leave the house and disappear wherever the fuck you want to go to. If you won’t let me aid you in your need, who am I to keep you here?”

Goro’s heart quenched uncomfortably as Ren left the room and the door shut loudly behind him, leaving a tingling in Goro’s ears.

Alright. So…what had all this been about? Ren trying to invade Goro’s personal space a bit too aggressively? Too soon?

And now he’d stopped caring, because Goro wasn’t ready to talk yet?

A dull and hollow pain spread in Goro’s chest, finally letting the silent tears fall onto the bedsheets. He had expected this, hadn’t he? So why was he crying? When had a story ever ended differently? He had exactly one more day- and then he’d be asked to leave, if not thrown out back into the same dumpster he fished himself out from. That’s what Ren’s speech sounded like in his ears, at least. A part of Goro wanted to leave- wanted to escape the inevitable pain of his past coming out if he got too close to someone- but where would he even go?

Shido sure as hell wouldn’t return his apartment keys, of that, Goro was sure. He might even have terminated the contract of the apartment- leaving Goro stranded. It’d suit him. Other than that, Goro had no money- no purse- nothing, actually. In his current state, taking up a part time job was difficult- heck, he could barely move on his own, and thanks to his injuries, he definitely needed help when it came to cooking or anything else.

In short, he was pretty much stranded, and in the worst case scenario- he’d actually have to grow…dependent on someone.

Goro would definitely have to report some sort of theft done on him, and try to contact the landlord of his apartment to find out about its current state- and whether he was allowed to get his old stuff out at least or not. Knowing Shido, he’d probably said something like ‘Donate it to charity, it was his wish’.

Well, Goro would try to reclaim his stuff before it came to that. He couldn’t let Shido achieve his goal of humiliating Goro after all.

With trembling hands, Goro picked up the phone, dialing a familiar number as he buried himself in the bed sheets. He checked the time- Akira must have a short recess right now, a fifteen minute break between lessons.

“Akechi? Hey! What’s up? How are you?”

Akira’s voice was as chipper as ever.

“I…would like to say I’m fine, but I’m afraid- it’s not too close to the truth.”

“What?” Akira’s tone grew instantly worried.

_Ah, he’s so easy to handle. No headaches, no questions- just the gullible mind of a fool in love._

“What do you mean?”

“I- well, the case has come to an official end unexpectedly early, but…it seems I’ve suffered under some minor injuries in the whole process of catching the criminal.”

“Minor injuries?” “I seem to have a broken leg and a sprained wrist. Alongside a few minor wounds. Nothing serious, really.”

“Ouch! Akechi! I told you to take care of yourself! That sounds horribly painful!” “Don’t worry, I’ve already had a check-up at the hospital- I should heal rather soon, but they told me not to overdo it or it might get worse.”

“They don’t know Goro Akechi is the incarnate of overdoing things.”

“You’re so charming, Akira.”

“I’m supposed to tell you the truth- comes with the task of being your friend and lover.” “I see.” “Don’t ‘I see me’, Akechi! I’m glad you called me and told me of your wounds- but, uh…do you need me to help you? Should I drop by your apartment and help you out during the day? Because I could do that!”

_Of course you would, you self-proclaimed Samaritan._

“Well, here’s another problem, actually.”

“That sounds- bad.”

“It’s not that bad, really.”

“That’s what they all say before things went _really_ bad.”

Goro snorted. “I’m sorry. It seems I lost my purse – must have fallen into the river or something- so I’m sort of stranded right now. I’m trying to get in contact with my landlord, but they’re unavailable right now.”

“So you’re- homeless right now?”

“I am afraid so.”

There was a hushed silence on the other end of the phone, and Goro was afraid the line had disconnected just as Akira began to talk again. “Well, that’s no big problem. You could crash at mine, you know? I’m rooming with Yusuke and Ryuji, as I said- so it might be a bit of a tight fit, four grown-ass men living together- but you’d be welcome. Everyone has their own rooms and stuff, and I could ask Ann to borrow a mattress so we could share my room- I’d obviously crash on the ground, though. I can also borrow you clothes, and if you don’t like that- we have enough to share some with you? If you feel really uncomfortable, I’ll just ask Ann to let us crash at her huge sized apartment in Roppongi- we crash at hers all the time, anyway.”

“You would- take me in, truly? Why?”

Akira laughed. “Dude, it’s not much of a big deal. Friends help each other in need all the time- heck, that’s partly how half my circle of friends got together in the first place- and besides, you’re my boyfriend, remember? You think I’d let you sleep on the streets when I could- have you in my sheets?”

Goro deadpanned at the joke. Akira, however, thought it was incredibly funny. “I can totally imagine your non-amused face, ‘kechi. Fuck, how I wish I could see it. I miss you.”

“I, well. I suppose the same could be said of me. Even though…your puns are rather terrible, really. Please stop them at once.”

“Anything for you, Akechi. So, when do you wanna come? And where should we meet up? I can send you the address or pick you up, depending how you want to go on about this.”

Right. He couldn’t just ask Ren to drop him off at Akira’s doorsteps.

“How about you send me the address first? I still need to clear a few things, and then I’ll tell you how to go on about this.”

If Ren would even let him crash at Akira’s-

-but who was he to even decide that kind of shit in the first place? He couldn’t decide what Akira did or didn’t do. Or where Goro went. That’d just turn him into the same scumbag that Shido was.

“Sure! Just tell me early enough so I can plan ahead too. I’m- never mind.” “What is it?”

“This feels terrible to admit, but- I’m actually kinda excited? I mean, I never thought I could have you over at our home. I admit, Yusuke is a bit of an eccentric, and you might have difficulties getting along with him at first- but he’s actually a really nice guy. And Ryuji and you have been getting along rather well, haven’t you? So we could throw a real guys only party with just the four of us! Uh, but then again, that probably wouldn’t help you with the whole healing process, will it?”

“Well, I didn’t expect you to come up with anything else.”

“How rude!”

“Yeah, I am. So?”

Akira only laughed in response.

“Okay, Akechi, I gotta hang up- not that I feel like it, but you know recess is almost over. I gotta go back to studying and become a good lawyer for you, after all!”

“I’m sure you decided to become a lawyer even before meeting me. Flattery won’t get you anywhere.”

There was an odd silence at the other end of the line.

“…Well, maybe. There’s- a specific someone I’m doing this for, true. But I also feel like making you proud- and being able to present you my degree would make you proud, wouldn’t it?”

No one had ever tried to make Goro proud of them. The concept was so alien, Goro almost forgot to focus on the first part of the reply. What was Akira attempting here? If he was doing this for Ren, was he trying to overturn the case that had damned Ren to become a supposed delinquent? But that had been over five years ago- and Akira had at least five more years of studying ahead. What was the point of this?

**_‘_ ** _ Sometimes, people just care’. _

_Urgh, shut up, imaginary Ren._

“Alright, gotta hang up for real now, welp! Don’t get angry, teach! One more second!”

“Just hurry and hang up, Akira.” Goro rolled his eyes. Surely Akira was lurking around just in front of the room, pacing up and down.

“No, I need to say something before that!”

“That being?”

“I love you.”

What?

“Yikes, teach, wait-“

The line cut off, just as Goro’s heart went soaring upwards.

Goro was in trouble. Of that, he was sure.

Hours later, Goro’s phone chimed, announcing a new text message.

_KiraKira (15:04): heres our apartment address as promised!_

_KiraKira (15:05): *attached location*_

_KiraKira (15:06): gonna go and prepare stuff for whenever. Hmu! ;)_

***

The rest of the day felt oddly lonely.

That feeling, at least, was familiar to Goro. He knew what it was like, to hold so much unlimited time in his hands, not knowing what do with it. Of course he had picked up a new novel, but he couldn’t focus on the words and quickly gave up after rereading the same paragraph for the fifth time and still didn’t process it properly.

He took the crutch beside his bed and walked into the living room- only to find it completely empty. Ren must have left the house, then.

Well, not like Goro could blame him.

Goro searched for the remote of the TV and turned up the first movie that had been recommended on their profile. Needless to say, he wasn’t listening or watching at all.

He stared broodingly at the blue Delphiniums placed under the TV. He’d looked them up- their meaning was utterly ridiculous. Why did Ren have so many plants and flowers around the house, anyway? He didn’t seem to have that much free time on his hands with all the jobs he’d been handling. Ah, but he did mention something about being a part-time florist-

-not that Goro cared. It was fine if Goro didn’t know anything about Ren. It was fine. It was fine it was fine it was-

Urgh, alright, so he would try and look his case up eventually. He just needed to find a way to hack into the system without anyone from the precinct noticing, especially now that Shido was hot on his heels already.

Maybe he could use that Futaba girl- but then again, she was probably smart enough to realize what Goro was up to. So he’d really have to do this alone, huh.

Well, there was always the option of using Akira, but for that, he’d have to…make him trust Goro unconditionally. And even then, it probably wouldn’t be enough.

These twins were really vexing.

More time passed as Goro continued staring at the flowers or the ceiling and not the movie running in the background. At some point, he got tired and sick enough of the whole ‘Waiting for Ren’ thing, so that he clumsily walked back into the bedroom and fell into the sheets.

Fuck Ren.

He didn’t need him in his life.

Goro could go on just fine without him.

Or not? Goro would only realize the answer to this question much, much later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so difficult to express the bristle of one stubborn Goro Akechi, who (thanks to the person commenting, I was searching for that word the entire time!!!) is extremely unbalanced and doesn't know what he is, what he wants, what he feels- and gives in to fear, hate and anger as some sort of defense mechanism. Being protected is another foreign concept to him, and he can't help but feel extremely distrusting, especially because it's Ren, who already has some sort of power over him anyway. This is sort of like if you try petting a cat forcefully without letting it sniff you first if that makes sense xD  
> Ren, meanwhile, he's just freaking worried, but again- the execution of his ideas are terrible, and trying to punch the words out of Goro was noooooot the way to go here. Yikes. Sure, he attempted to explain himself, but he sort of forgot that feelings and empathy and understanding are not part of the Goro Akechi's handbook on how to life. LOL  
> Akira? Akira is just a precious dumb bean. Dumb. But also precious.  
> Or is he...? ;)
> 
> Let me know if you liked it!
> 
> The story begins to shift...


	20. The sun rises, eloquent; the moon vanishes instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give you all a heads-up: from now on, Ren will have to step back a lil.  
> Also more flower language LOL  
> And since a lot happens here, the scene continues in the next chapter. Enjoy!

Goro wasn’t surprised to wake up in the morning and not spot a human body lying on the ground, curled into the bed sheets. He was surprised, however, to see that the mattress and the entire makeshift bed were missing. Instead a bag had been placed there, a note attached to it. In scrawny handwriting, a message had been left behind.

**_Kinda hard not to guess where you’re going. It’ll probably seem odd if you just appear there without a bag and clothes and shit, so here’s some stuff you’ll need._ **

**_Don’t worry, the boxers are new. Bought them on a whim yesterday- hope you like The Avengers. If not, well, I guess you do now._ **

**_-R._ **

So there wouldn’t even be a proper goodbye. Well, what had Goro expected? Ren obviously didn’t get what he wanted – and didn’t see the point in pursuing Goro anymore. It made sense. It was what Goro had been expecting from the beginning.

Still, it didn’t prevent Goro from being oddly disappointed.

At least the place had an elevator- it lead down to the other main entrance of the building, not the one that led directly to Crossroads. Goro didn’t want to imagine how he’d even attempt to climb down the stairs with his broken leg and his crippled arm.

He snatched the bag and stumbled into the living room. Ah, shit, he hadn’t changed into Ren’s pajamas over the night- he must surely stink now. Usually, Ren helped him with changing- not that Goro was unable to do it alone- but having three hands instead of one helped him speed up the undressing process by a lot. Besides, Ren had to change up some bandages on Goro’s body anyway.

Now, it would be rather difficult to undress and dress up again- especially because Goro would have to search for some clothes first. He didn’t dare to look into the bag yet- he just walked up to Ren’s closet and pulled out the first shirt and jeans he saw.

To hell if they were Ren’s favorites. Goro would just take what he wanted and leave.

After a lengthy dressing process, he limped back into the living room. A pre-made breakfast was waiting for him.

 _How generous_ _of him. Is this his last attempt of mocking me?_

He still cleaned the plate up.

Now, how would he walk all the way over to Ichigaya? Taking the subway was only an option if…

Goro almost tore up the bag in his violent assault of opening it. There was an old purse hidden among the clothes, a bit of money and coins laid in it. Enough to get by for a week or two. And-

A three months paid subway card, signed with Goro’s name. How Ren even got to access all of Goro’s data to issue the cursed thing was beyond him. Well, he probably just used his neat sister for all that- and the thing must have cost a fortune. Transportation was expensive in Tokyo, especially for a card covering so many areas.

Goro was both mad and weirdly flattered someone would go so far for him, but he almost tore the whole thing up when he noticed another piece of paper sticking out of the old purse.

He began to read it as he folded it open, the paper being a tad larger than the one before.

**_Not even I have that much money on the hand to buy you a three month transportation card, buddy. Hopefully you didn’t tear the thing apart in your anger. Don’t worry- the thing’s fully legal and shit, it’s legit. I just paid a small fee to a friend who owed me, and the deed was done. He’s been fighting for affordable transportation for students these days, and this is part of a test run to see how well the concept will be used by people like you._ **

**_Though I suppose the sight of you on your bicycle is funny, too, I’m not so inhumane as to have you walk all the way over to Ichigaya with a broken leg._ **

**_I thought about sending Iwai over to drive you, but I was afraid you’d think I’m pitying you too much again. So go ahead- the subway’s free for you to use._ **

**_Just call my lovestruck twin and tell him to meet you in Shinjuku before you attempt to enter one of those subway trains. Those doors close way too fast than that you’d be able to enter with your broken body, we both know that._ **

**_Take care._ **

Goro wanted nothing more than to shred both papers into tiny pieces.

He put both memos into the pocket of his newly acquired coat as he took the elevator leading down.

He didn’t know yet that the Featherman R lunch box was still in Ren’s apartment, innocently placed next to the pot of cactus Ren kept.

And what neither knew, was that in the distant future they were also to be put alongside mauve and red carnations.

***

“Good morning, Akechi! How are we doing today?!”

“You’re awfully cheerful for someone at-“ Goro squinted at the phone’s display- “eight in the morning on a Sunday, you know. Barely anyone’s awake at this time around.”

“I knooow. Ryuji actually kicked me for trying to get him out of bed and having breakfast with me.” “You did that?” “I tried. Doesn’t mean I succeeded.”

Goro sneered.

“Anyway, where are you right now? Is it time for us to meet up yet?” “Well, I am currently in an alleyway in Shinjuku. Do you know where the cinema is located here?” “Oh, uh, sure! Shinjuku’s really close to Ichigaya anyway, so we’ll be there really fast! Still, it might take a bit more for Morgana to come back, so I hope you found something to sit on, considering your wounds and all that.”

Right. Ichigaya was like a ten minute subway trip away from Shinjuku. Maybe that was another reason for Ren to stay in Yongen-Jaya for most of the time- less of a chance to run into his brother.

Well, luckily there had been a really misplaced bench right next to the cinema. Maybe it had been put there for some sort of promotion of a movie and forgotten to be taken away again. Now, it served Goro good use to rest his tired arms. It was truly difficult to walk all the way here on his crutches, barely able to use his other hand as support because it would hurt endlessly when he overdid it. But he couldn’t be caught in front of Ren’s apartment.

The reasons were obvious.

Goro was still not looking forward to walking all the way to the subway station. Urgh.

“We’re gonna be there to pick you up soon- I asked my friend to drive us.” “Your…friend?” Goro was instantly suspicious.

“Oh, yeah, I guess you’ve never met him, have you? His name’s Morgana- he’s a friend who’s working in an art museum. We’ve known each other for half a year or something- don’t worry, he’s very discreet and all. Or else he’d already been fired at his job. Also, he’s literally the only one who owns a driver’s license from our friends. I don’t wanna force you to take the subway- I can imagine you’ve been severely undermining your actual condition- so I asked him to pick you up with me. I hope…that’s okay? If not, I can always try to call him off! It’s kinda rude, after waking him so early, but you know- I guess I should have asked beforehand.”

The idea of having to take the subway in Goro’s current state was actually horrible. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “He’s truly able to keep his mouth shut?” “Yeah, and even if he doesn’t- well, let’s just say the guy’s been hopelessly crushing on Ann for a long time now, and he wouldn’t ever do anything that would go against her wishes.”

_A bootlicker, then._

“She warned him to be discreet already, and he swore he wouldn’t say a thing to the press or anything. So I think you’re safe? He cares a lot more about Ann’s wishes than you’d think, so even if some reporter tried ripping him off, he’d never take the offer.” “Well, that sounds…relatively safe, then.”

“So you’re okay with us picking you up?”

“Anything to get me off this forsaken bench and into a warm home, Akira. The cold’s killing me.”

Akira laughed. “We’re gonna be there as fast as we can!”

Goro got lost in thought as he waited for a certain guy to arrive. So, what did the situation look like again? He was still off of University and work for a week. Then he had to return to society and- well, serve up a lie about his injuries to said collective society. He’d also have to go clear the apartment situation until then- if he was truly thrown out, he’d have to search for a new home plus survive with his pay being cut for two weeks.

And deal with Akira and his friends during all this.

Urgh.

Goro felt the headache incoming- mentally, and physically.

“Akechi!”

There it was.

“Akira.” Goro waved his hand in greeting at the beaming creature running towards him at high speed- and stopped inches before him.

“Akechi! I’m- so glad you’re alright. Gosh, you look way worse than you described. I would actually hug you right now, but you know- somehow I have the feeling you’ve got more injuries hidden beneath your clothes, and skin-on-skin contact probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

As Akira rambled on, Goro took in the sight of the raven wiggling in front of him. Akira’s hair and outfit seemed as meticulous as ever, as if he hadn’t just woken up at an incredibly early time for a weekday where he was supposed to be off. Right, he was a morning person, wasn’t he? Explained the lack of dark circles around his eyes.

In comparison to Goro’s.

Akira pointed at Goro’s bag- or more like, Ren’s bag- and tilted his head with a shy smile. “You want me to carry your stuff so you can focus on walking with your crutches?” “Oh, that would be a great help. It was a hassle to balance the cursed thing on my shoulders.” “I can imagine. Morgana is waiting near the street where I came from- he sadly wasn’t allowed to drive directly here. But it’s only like a two minute walk- we should manage, right?”

Akira stretched his hand out expectantly- earning himself a puzzled gaze from Goro. “I can get up by myself, Akira. So long as I have my crutches, that is. I don’t need support.” “No, no, I know that! I was waiting for you to high-five me.”

“High-what now?” Goro’s eyebrows furrowed. Was Akira playing with him?

The raven’s smile grew wider- but in a gentle way, not mockingly. “A high five is when you- do this, see?” Akira clapped his hands in a weird twist. “Just that there’s supposed to be someone else to return the handclap, of course. Kinda sad if you do it by yourself. It’s a sign of ‘We can do this!’ or ‘Yeah, bro!’ ”

Goro’s frown deepened. “But we’re not ‘bros’, Akira.”

“Yeah, but the handclap can mean a lot of things, you know? It can also signify trust. And I can’t hug you right now, so this is sort of compensation, can’t you see?”

“By…making me high-five you.” Akira chuckled. “Yeah? Unless you’re fine with me giving you a peck on the cheek in public.”

Goro quickly slapped Akira’s waiting hand, eliciting another laughter out of the raven. “See? That was perfect. Now let’s get moving, or else Morgana might ditch us.”

Akira grabbed Goro’s bag while Goro got up on his crutches, slowly attempting to follow Akira. The raven seemed to slow down his steps deliberately, matching his pace with Goro while chatting on nonchalantly.

Ren had never bothered to match his pace with Goro.

And Goro had been grateful for it. A sign that he wasn’t being underestimated- that Ren was waiting for him to catch up.

_Fuck, I told myself not to think about him again._

“-So then, Yusuke said he’d prepare dinner if he was allowed to draw a nude from you, and while I was extremely tempted to see that, I obviously turned him down.”

“Well thank fuck for that.”

“Yeah…would be a shame if he saw you naked first.”

Goro almost slipped on his crutches. Akira, having witnessed that, only threw him a mischievous grin.

“Oh, look, that’s Morgana!” There was a black minivan parked at the end of the alleyway, where the bustling street began. Someone was sitting behind the steering wheel, but from this distance, that was all Goro could recognize. “He’s usually really talkative, but I told him to hold back a little- I don’t want you to arrive all annoyed at our home. Do you want me to sit with you in the back?”

“No, I’ll be fine on my own. You go sit beside your friend, Akira.”

“Whatever you want, Akechi.” Akira shrugged, and made his way to the trunk of the car, tossing Goro’s bag in. He then proceeded to open the car’s door for Goro and bow exaggeratedly. “Please enter, your highness.”

Goro rolled his eyes and lightly smacked Akira with one of his crutches, earning him a laugh in response. The raven waited patiently for Goro to settle in before he closed the door, walking up and settling in one of the front seats.

“Wow, you’re actually the real Detective Prince! I thought Akira was shitting me when he said we were gonna pick you up.” “Morganaaaa. Go ahead and drive already, please.”

Goro mustered the mysterious person driving the van. He had sleek, dark blue hair and through the mirror, Goro also saw his side-swept bangs- as well as his opaque blue eyes. He was wearing a jacket atop of a scoop neck shirt, alongside some white jeans.

All in all, he was just as handsome as he was inconspicuous. “Hello to you too”, Goro replied rather frostily, not bothered enough to actually partake in a conversation with him. The less he knew about Goro, the less he could babble on to the press- Akira might have assured him the guy was sworn to secrecy, but still- you could never be too cautious.

He’d just been careless, after all.

“Uwah, he’s already showing me the cold shoulder, and we haven’t even gotten to know each other properly! They should call you the ‘Icy Frosty Detective Prince’ instea- youch, Akira, why are you punching me?!”

“Told you to focus on the road, Morgana. Ann will be reaaaaally disappointed in you if you don’t arrive on time.”

“Lady Ann! I’m coming for you!”

The remark perked Goro’s attention. “So- are all your friends gathered at your apartment, Akira?”

“Normally, yeah- we have breakfast together on Sundays. A lot of my friends don’t have class, after all. But I thought you might not be a fan of being- well, you know. Surrounded by so many people at once, especially in your current condition. So Ann invited everyone to her loft for breakfast, and we can enjoy our lonesome time in my apartment until they all come tumbling back. But- obviously if you want to, we can drive to Ann’s?”

Goro contemplated that for a split second. “I’d…rather enjoy the quiet, really.”

Akira turned in his front seat so Goro could catch a glimpse of the smile on his face. His eyes were crinkled in amusement.

“Don’t I know you so well?”

“Of course. In and out, Akira, really.” Goro rolled his eyes in response, and decided to close his eyes while he was at it.

They looked so fucking similar. Now that Akira seemed to have permanently discarded his glasses, the tiny mole under his eye was the only big visual difference between them. Character wise? They both had a streak of mischief in them, but otherwise were as different as the sun and the moon.

Goro really had to get that cursed Ren out of his head, but it was kind of difficult when he had an almost carbon copy in front of his eyes all the time.

Well, Goro had never been one to make the best decisions in life, really.

The hushed conversation Akira and Morgana were having, as well as the rattling of the car and the sounds emanating from the streets slowly faded out as Goro tried sinking back into slumber.

***

“Akechi. Hey, Akechi. We’re here.”

Goro grumbled in his seat, throwing a glare at Ren- _Akira_ \- for waking him out of what was probably not even a ten minute drive. The car’s door had been opened, allowing a few sunrays to flood into the otherwise dark interior of the van. A majority of the sun, however, was blocked out by Akira’s body standing in the way, his ever-loving smile plastered onto his face.

“What?”

There was a wry grin on Akira’s face. “We’re here, Akechi. And I need you to get out of the car so Morgana can arrive on time at Ann’s. Or else they’re both gonna have my head.”

Slowly, the memories trickled back in- how Ren had decided to throw Goro out for good because Goro flat-out refused to talk about Shido- and a familiar anger bubbled up in his veins.

Grumpily, Goro grabbed the crutches he’d laid down on the seat, making his way out of the car. Outside, Morgana was leaning against the car, humming a cheerful tune.

“Thanks for driving, Morgana.” Akira and Morgana fell into quiet chatter.

Goro looked around. Ichigaya was located in the eastern part of Shinjuku, and the distance between the two places wasn’t too big- traffic must have slowed them down. In contrast to the bubbly, lively center of Shinjuku, Ichigaya was much more boring and bland, covered in tall, grey buildings. There were also a lot of universities located here, making it the perfect place to commute if you visited one of Tokyo’s universities here.

Which, oddly, no one of Akira’s friends or he himself did. Well, so much for that.

Goro might be an asshole, but he also didn’t want to dismiss common courtesy. “Thank you for driving, Morgana”, he muttered, not meeting anyone’s gaze.

“No problem! Gotta hop in again and make my way to Lady Ann’s. Maybe we’ll see each other again!”

The car’s engine came back to life as Akira guided Goro over to the sidewalk, and soon, Morgana and the van disappeared.

“The apartment’s just over there, Akechi.” Akira pointed at another grey, three level high building. He desperately hoped it had an elevator- but luckily, the apartment was located on the ground floor.

Akira opened the door, labeled with number 987, and he excitedly motioned Goro to enter.

The hallway was covered with paintings or pictures left and right, so much that it almost became difficult to distinguish the doors hiding beneath the mess. Akira helped Goro take off his shoes, leaving their shoes at a small shoe rack next to the door. Goro inspected the hallway with more interest.

The pictures, obviously, depicted all of Akira’s friends in diverse constellations and places. There were pictures of a different campus and universities as well, dated around 3 years ago, presumably places where Akira had met some of his friends. Had Akira visited these universities as well? Had all of his friends transferred with him when the raven had decided to change to Goro’s university? Ridiculous. The idea was so surreal, it seemed to be impossible.

The drawings were just as interesting, some of them a clear sketch of one of Akira’s friends, paintings of the group, or other surreal depicted stuff. They must have been done by the art friend of the group- Yusuke?

“Something pique your interest?”

Goro was thrown out of his observe with a startle, almost losing his balance on his crutches.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t meant to startle you! How about we go sit down in the living room? I can show you many more of Yusuke’s paintings or pictures from way back, if that’s entertaining for you. The kitchen is connected to the living room, and I thought I could whip something up for breakfast?”

Goro blinked. “Of course. Please, uh, show me the way. I can scarcely make out the doors behind all these paintings and pictures.”

Akira laughed, heading straight towards the end of the hallway and turning- right. The hallway blended into the living room naturally, followed along by the paintings and pictures, though there were less of them now. The living room was small and crammed, packed by cozy, old looking couches in red and brown, shelves filled with knick-knacks stuffed next to them. A small coffee table was placed next to one of the couches, and there was a medium-sized TV hung up on the wall. Under it, placed atop of yet another small table, were gaming consoles and their respective games.

The living room was packed, but it looked much livelier than Ren’s or Goro’s apartment.

Akira motioned Goro to take a seat on the couch, where he also dropped off Goro’s bag- heading in further, and opening a glass door that led to a small kitchen area. “Do you have any preferences for breakfast? Any food you specifically enjoy?”

Goro was about to slip out _Pancakes,_ but he bit his tongue. “Not really. Just anything will do.”

“Well, you’re in luck- we don’t have much besides cereals, milk, bread, jam, honey, butter, cheese, and Nutella.”

“That is…a lot.” Goro didn’t even remember if he’d ever had that much food in his fridge.

“No, actually- it means Yusuke skipped on going grocery shopping, the sneaky bastard. I’ll have to go run an errand tomorrow. He must have spent his entire budget on art supplies, as always.”

“Then he has a problem when it comes to handling money, I assume?”

“Actually, not really? But he’s pursuing his calling with such passion, I can’t get angry at him for always ending up broke.”

Akira returned from the kitchen area with the vast array of food on a wooden tablet. He settled down next to Goro, albeit he took care not to be seated too close and sat on the side of his healthy leg.

_Ever the considerate gentleman, isn’t he?_

_Makes me want to vomit all over again._

“Dig in! I brought bowls for the cereal, and I’m really sorry not to be able to offer you tea- I doubt you’re much of the milk drinking type. Ryuji says it’s good for his immune system or something like that, so we always have milk at home- he usually suffers under a crisis if we don’t. Oh, and if you need help with food or something- just tell me. I don’t mind making you a sandwich in the morning. But I also don’t want you to feel like I’m babying you too much, cuz I know that pisses you off.”

“I hadn’t expected you to think that far ahead.”

Akira flashed him a cheeky grin. “Dude, I’ve been crushing on your for half a year now. You don’t think I picked up _some_ of your habits? I was leering at you during lessons- whoops, okay, uh, that- you didn’t hear that, right?” Akira’s cheeks flushed a bright pink, and he averted his gaze.

A small smile played at the corner of Goro’s lips. “So you were busier staring at your sworn rival than paying attention to class? No wonder your grades always suffered.”

“Ah-! That doesn’t have anything to do with that at all!”

“Well, this explains why you’ve never been acing Psychology of Criminal Justice- you must have been busier staring at my profile than analyzing the criminal’s thoughts.”

Akira muttered something incomprehensible under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I _said,_ you don’t have to shame me for being mesmerized by my hot boyfriend!”

Urgh. There it was again. “You know, you throw that word around quite a lot.” “Huh? Which one?”

“The…boyfriend one.”

There was an odd silence as Akira begun spreading butter on his bread. “Well, do you…not like it? Because I can stop if it bothers you.”

 _Caution, Goro._ “I didn’t…mean it like that. It’s just odd to me- why you insist on repeating it as often as you do.”

“Well, that’s easy. Akechi, I thought you were an ace when it came to analyzing victims! There’s not sooo much of a difference between a victim of homicide and a victim of love, is there?”

“Yes, there is?” Goro would have buried his face into his hands if he could.

“Nah!” Akira was grinning. “I just wanna boast about you! Brag to the others as much as I can. But I also know I can’t go climbing a mountain and scream to the world how much I like you. Because you know, discreetness and stuff. So I need to say this stuff whenever I have the opportunity! Also because…it still feels kinda surreal. That you reciprocate my feelings.”

There was a soft glow in Akira’s eyes as he observed the silent Goro.

“Hey, Akechi?”

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Goro froze momentarily. There was a weird sort of intimacy in being asked like that. An intimacy Goro…wasn’t used to at all.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, you know? I just felt like doing that ever since I came to pick you up. But you don’t strike me as the PDA type- so I doubt you’re gonna enjoy being smooched when Yusuke and Ryuji are around.” “No, I certainly…wouldn’t like that.”

Akira shrugged, biting into his jam-spread bread. “I know!” His voice came out muffled, his mouth smeared with jam. His lips were cherry red now, sprinkling and glittering as if he’d put on some bad lipstick.

Akira’s face then split into a smile, and Goro would never know why he’d done what he did- leaning in and kissing him chastely on the lips.

_It’s just for the game._

_Wait, there’s no game-_

_Ah, stop thinking!_

It was a short kiss at a rather awkward angle at that- but it was worth the stunned look Akira wore when Goro pulled away.

“Oh dear, now my lips are all smeared up, too. Would you mind-“

Akira was already holding out a napkin, and softly begun to dap all around Goro’s mouth, whisking the remnants of the strawberry jam away.

“You know, you could- warn a guy before you do stuff like that”, Akira muttered, his cheeks flushed as red as his lips, now significantly less covered in jam.

“But that would take away all the surprise, wouldn’t it?”

Akira only sent him a pout in return.

They continued their breakfast amicably, chattering on about this and that. Akira explained Goro that he’d meticulously continued taking notes, so Goro could work on catching up as soon as Sunday was over and he’d be left alone in the apartment.

“Yusuke comes home at random times- he’s usually either out for the whole day, or returns the earliest from all of us. But even then, he’ll probably hole up in his room. Ryuji has a pretty set schedule with visiting the gym and all that, so he usually returns in the evening. You know my schedule- as soon as the ring bells, I’m on my way home. But it _will_ take roughly around forty minutes until I arrive. But you’ll manage, I’m sure.”

“Obviously. I’m not some child in constant need of attention.”

_Or maybe I was, considering the way I wished Ren to pamper me._

When they had both finished eating, Akira quickly cleaned up before he swiftly nestled back into Goro’s side.

“About those pictures…in the hallway, Akira.” “Hm? Oh, right! I’d promised to tell you all about them!”

“Well, I suppose I don’t have a particular picture in mind…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about how you all got to know each other. I mean, you all seem so- different. And some of those pictures depicted different universities, too, so- it made me wonder how you all came together, I suppose. ”

Akira leaned in further into the back of the couch, tilting his head towards Goro with a dreamy look in his eyes.

_Fuck, this guy has got it bad for me._

“Hm, you’re right- I never did tell you about that, did I? Well, it’s rather funny, really.”

Akira stretched out his hand slowly, motioning for Goro to hold out his hand. Goro complied, and the raven began stroking over his hand in lazy circles.

“I told you I moved to Tokyo three years ago, right? After I graduated high school. I was living in a tiny town back then, so the differences here and there hit me hard. I had already picked out a single bedroom apartment that was way too expensive- but my parents were supporting me, so I didn’t have that much of a load to carry.”

_Or more like Ren must have paid you._

“Anyway, I started out at a different college first, though I still studied law back then. They were holding an annual marathon, and anyone was welcome to participate. That’s when I met Ryuji- he was amazed by how well I kept up for someone majoring in something stuffy like law- so we exchanged contact info and- well, we quickly became friends. You know that feeling when you meet someone and you just- click?”

No, Goro did not know that feeling.

Or maybe he and Ren had ‘clicked’, but that was probably a tad different than what had happened between Ryuji and Akira.

“Well, afterwards, it was only a matter of time until I got to know Ann and Shiho. The three of them had always been some sort of trio that stuck together- they had a rather difficult past, actually.” “They did? They don’t strike me as such.”

Akira shook his head. “It’s not my story to tell- I bet Ann and Ryuji wouldn’t mind telling you about it sometime, but yeah. That’s why it didn’t take long until the four of us hung out together. Ann wasn’t even studying back then, she was just taking on different model jobs here and there, flying across the world all the time. Shiho was studying some business related subject at a different university in Tokyo, so we all just- scurried around here and there.”

A hum escaped Goro’s throat.

“You saw how passionate Yusuke can get about art, right? Well, we randomly met him while walking back from a restaurant one day, and he was obsessed with the idea of painting Ann nude.”

Akira laughed, but his laugh quickly disappeared, replaced by a frown. “He was also going through a difficult situation back then, you know? We found out pretty soon, and we were horrified. So we tried our best to help him, and with a rather- well, reckless plan actually- we succeeded in bailing him out of that. He wasn’t even studying back then, and he honestly doesn’t even need that sort of education- there are enough scholarship programs out there that would love to fund him. But he says it would restrict his artistic passion or some shit if he accepted something differing from his ideals, so he’s- well, most of the time he’s broke since he isn’t jobbing or anything. If he sells his paintings, or they’re hung out in a gallery, he has enough to get by for a few months, but he’s quick to spend it all on new art supplies- and, well. Usually, me and Ryuji just feed him through. Feels like we adopted a lost child from time to time.” Akira chuckled, but the fondness in his tone revealed how much he cared about his friends.

It made Goro want to puke.

“And then? What happened after you rescued Yusuke?”

Akira stopped drawing circles onto his hand, and instead- sent him a lovestruck smile. His eyes were sparkling with tiny hearts and stars, Goro could _feel_ the next answer like a physical manifestation coming up.

“Well- _you_ happened.”

“Excuse me?” Oh fuck, Goro hoped he wouldn’t have to hurl out the breakfast he just ate.

Akira laughed, averting his gaze, and continued to draw circles on Goro’s hand.

“I know, it sounds cheesy and stuff. This isn’t something I ever told the others, you know? I told them I randomly wanted to change university one day because I wanted us all to gather- and that wasn’t even a lie. But the truth is, one day, I turned on the TV and- you had some sort of TV special, alright? You were already a famous Detective back then-“

_More like a famous puppet_

“-And I was really struck by what you said back then. They asked you why you were studying criminal law, or why you were studying in general when you already had a promising future ahead. You replied _‘I am interested in nothing more but uncovering the sole truth. Being a mere Detective will never allow me to see the whole picture, only one side- but crime is a complex thing, and it would be wrong to stop at one piece of the puzzle’._ ”

Goro remembered that interview. It was one of the few instances where he was allowed to reply a little bit more freely, and he had actually meant what he said. Still, who would have thought it would- resonate with someone? He had of course been complimented for his answer, but they were empty compliments, as always.

Yet, there was a boy sitting on the couch next to him who had apparently changed his university- for what? Some words Goro had thrown out into the world?

“You know, I was inspired. I thought to myself it’d be a shame not to get to know you properly- and that I could…possibly fight with you against all the injustice done in the world. So I knew, from that second on- I had to meet you. The best way to do that was to change to your university- and boy, it was hard to get in- but it was worth it. My friends had all been doing random stuff around the time as well, like I said- and they took the opportunity to change with me, so we could all gather in one place. Ryuji had decided he actually wanted to work more specifically with young children, while Ann was upset about not being treated seriously. Shiho wanted to give herself a try at Social Science, so- yeah.”

“You changed your entire university and almost threw your future away for some- words I said in an interview?”

Akira’s smile turned wry. “Yeah.”

“You’re- a fool.”

“I know! But I had to take the chance- and better to try out a chance than never, right?”

“But, still, I didn’t even-“ “Yeah, you had absolutely zero interest in getting to know me, I know. So I thought I needed to gain your attention otherwise- which somehow devolved into us becoming rivals. But, I mean- look at where we are now?”

Akira pressed a chaste kiss to Goro’s forehead- but he had moved so slowly, Goro could have easily pushed him away and prevented it.

“My ridiculous plan worked better than imagined, right? I mean, I never really planned on falling in love with you, but- I don’t regret it. Actually, I’m rather enjoying it.”

The brilliant smile on Akira’s face rivalled the shine of a rising sun.

Was there actual truth in Akira’s words? It seemed preposterous. It wouldn’t be possible, that someone- that someone had actually listened to one of Goro’s ramblings and been- inspired by it?

That certainly sounded too good to be true.

But Akira also seemed too much like a good-hearted idiot than that he was plotting something evil behind Goro’s back.

Or was he?

A small part of Goro’s heart- the one that didn’t dismiss Akira’s rambles as mere lies- hung onto his claim as tightly as a dying man that had been thrown a lifebelt.

“Well, but like I said- I only told my friends I felt like changing university, so don’t tell them, okay? They’d tease me endlessly for this. When everyone simultaneously decided to attend the same university, us boys also decide to room together- it’s much more fun, anyway. Even if Yusuke’s antics sometimes gets us in difficult situations. Oh, and obviously that’s how I got to know the rest of my friends as well, after attending Themis- I met Hifumi playing Shogi on her own when I searched for Shiho one day, and Makoto shares some of our law classes. I chatted her up when we picked the same drink in the cafeteria one day. So, yeah- everyone obviously has their own story to tell, but like I said- this one is mine, of how I found my friends and- my boyfriend.”

Goro averted his eyes. He couldn’t dare stand looking too long into the trusting eyes of this- this puppy-turned-human.

He wouldn’t acknowledge the tiny part of his heart that started doubting whether dating Akira and blatantly lying to him day after day was a good decision.

Or if he should continue this.

“If I think about it now…you said that you were already studying law even before changing to Themis, right?” Goro threw in.

“Uh- yeah?”

“But you also mentioned you were doing this for a specific person. In conclusion- you were studying this for someone else. Someone…Ren?”

Akira’s face fell, and he dropped his head. “I- well, there’s no use in denying it, is there? It’s true- I did pick this up for Ren. But…I don’t think I’m ready to tell you why quite yet. I’m sorry- I know it’s pathetic of me to keep hiding this from you- but I don’t-“

Akira bit his lip. “It’s despicable what happened, really. And you’d- well, considering how much you value justice- you’d probably end up condemning me. I wouldn’t hold it against you, really! I would understand, you know? But…I don’t want to lose what I worked so hard for just yet. I don’t…I don’t wanna let go of you, Akechi.”

The last words came out as a hoarse whisper, something Goro could barely make out – but understood nevertheless.

So the reason Ren had been deemed as a criminal was caused by his twin brother? Considering Ren’s protective aura and that their relationship was somewhat good despite being non-existent, Goro couldn’t believe Akira had bailed on Ren. No…Akira must have done something that got Ren condemned instead.

But how? And why?

Had Akira killed someone, and Ren took the fall as the murderer?

Fuck, coming next week, he had to get his hands on that file already- Shido be damned. This was killing him.

“Are you angry at me?”

Goro was thrown out of his deductional thinking process, confronted with a teary-eyed Akira.

Oh fuck no. “No, Akira, I’m- I’m sure, that, over time, you will come to understand- that you can tell me. Anything.” Goro coughed. Sweet-talking was just not his forte.

“You’re not forcing yourself to sweet-talk me?”

“I always force myself to sweet talk you, Akira.”

Wait, hold on- that hadn’t been intended to slip out.

Before Goro could come up with anything to cover up his slip-of-tongue, Akira actually- dissolved into laughter. “Oh, oh that one- was great, Akechi. I’m- I need to tell Ryuji that one, he’s gonna laugh his ass off.”

“Say why, exactly?”

“Because- you don’t like to sweet talk me, right? But you force yourself to do it anyway because- you think it makes me happy, don’t you? That’s honestly really sweet of you, Akechi. Honestly.”

Well, at least Akira’s interpretation spared Goro to come up with some lame explanation. “You don’t need to do that, but- I appreciate it, Akechi. I know you must feel like throwing up everytime I proclaim my love to you, but- I can’t help it. And you endure it for my sake- which makes me even happier.”

Interesting. Was Goro’s disdain for love proclamations so easy to read? Or was it just that Akira believed he knew what Goro felt?

But how did he always strike a nerve with Goro, then?

This man might have been more intelligent than Goro had first assessed him as.

 _Told you my twin wasn’t dumb,_ he almost heard Ren saying.

Cursed twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny things I spent a shitton of time researching on when I wrote this:
> 
> THE NUMBER PLATE. I literally googled the Japanese meaning for numbers as a symbolism here. 9, 8, and 7 are considered lucky numbers. 7 stands for unity or 'togetherness', 8 is considered lucky because it sounds similar to the word prosperity and 9 sounds like 'relief'. My source is Wikipedia, I know nothing of the Japanese superstitions lol. And yessssss please keep the meaning of the numbers in the back of your mind as the story continues.
> 
> Oh and lemme just highlight a few meanings of the flowers (these ones are my favorite, so I really need to get this out):  
> Cactus stands for lust and attraction, but also enduring things (no matter how difficult), protection to boot- and chastity (from physical contact)  
> Carnations usually express love in the Japanese culture, but depending on its shade, they have different meanings. Purple carnations are used in funerals and to express condolences, but can also express being apologetic.
> 
> I also researched the distances from Ichigaya to Shinjuku in real life. Turns out a lot of destinations in Tokyo are easier to reach and faster to arrive at by subway than with the car (for whatever reason lmao). Oh, and I always look up Wikipedia to find and compare more about the locations in P5R and its real counterpart, so most of the information about the districts aren't even made up lol
> 
> I hope Human! Morgana got off okay lol. He's gonna show up again, don't worry, but I have to admit: writing him as a human is SOMEHOW SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN AS A CAT HAHAHAHA. I was sweating the entire time he was present.
> 
> As for Akira, guy is hardcore afraid Goro's just gonna up and leave him if he told him more. Which is sort of adorable, I suppose? The guy's a soft bean.
> 
> Ah, and since this is never clearly mentioned: The guy that owes Ren a favor is our favorite politican, the sun confidant Toranosuke Yoshida....  
> ....the sun, hmmmm.....;)
> 
> Annnnnd most importantly: a lil tiny nugget of backstory is revealed! ;) Goro continues on doing shit he doesn't understand, but this valuable piece of information was definitely worth it...
> 
> Lemme know what you think and if you enjoyed! Kudos water my skin, and comments are like tiny golden nuggets I go and slip into my secret treasure box to look at all over again.


	21. The Emperor, The Chariot and the Fool may meet; proceed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goro will now begin to plunge deeper into the worlds of Akira and his friends. Meaning: *screams* Bonding time!  
> And finally the other characters get more screentime, lol

After a bit more chatting, Akira decided to show Goro the full layout of the apartment. They made their way back to the hallway with the impossible-to-find-doors, where Akira pointed at two opposing doors, explaining those were Ryuji’s and Yusuke’s rooms. One additional door, covered in paintings, was apparently the bathroom door, featuring a showerhead instead of a tub.

Akira also explained that his room was the biggest one, and that- it being the master bedroom- featured another small bathroom. “The boys insisted I take the biggest one. Ryuji said he found it a shame it didn’t have another shower head, so he didn’t see the point in occupying it. Yusuke was just interested in the room that spoke to him or something, and this wasn’t it. Well, this way, I also ended up paying the most rent, but- well. My parents support me, so whatever.”

Akira realized how bratty his statement must have sounded, so he quickly added: “I don’t mean it- in the way that I leech off their money. It’s just that- they’ve done something I can never forgive them for, and no matter how much they beg- I won’t forget. So I’ll take what they give me to live a comfortable life, but- I don’t feel like I should be thankful or something. So long as they don’t mean to fix that one mistake- they can try showering me in financial support as much as they want, I won’t give a shit. Does that make sense?”

It was a rare instance to see Akira so- angry. Displaying an emotion that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows- no, this had him furrowing his brows, clenching his fists and biting his lips.

Goro was surprised to see Akira could become angry. And feel…resent.

Somehow, it was quite the delicious sight.

Goro reveled in the sight a little longer until Akira grew concerned.

“Uh, Akechi?”

“Oh! Yes?”

“So…do you think it’s bad feeling that way? Of being out for my own well-being, while giving…less than a shit to my biological parents?”

“Fuck parents.”

Whoops, slip-up number two.

These twins really did a number on Goro’s tongue.

In more ways than just one.

Akira blinked- and then laughed, the same laughter he’d given off when Goro had slipped up once already. “Wow, Akechi- never thought I’d hear those words coming out of your mouth. Well, glad we got that out of the way.”

Goro was extremely tempted to ask if Akira realized the money wasn’t coming from his parents, but from his own twin brother. Yet he refrained to say something- something held him back.

“So then… you don’t keep much in contact with your parents?”

Akira clicked his tongue. “Fuck, no. They are allowed to call me once a month- have a five minute talk where I just say yes and no to one of the standard questions you’d expect. ‘Are you eating healthily?’ ‘Do you take care of yourself?’ ‘Is University going along smoothly?’- Shit like that.”

Goro blinked, once, twice- crude language? Coming from Akira?

“Oh, sorry- I guess you’ve never heard me curse so much, right? Talking about them always gets me in a shitty mood.” “I see. Well, I don’t- judge you for it. I was just fascinated by the change of your- usual so cheery personality.”

“I’m only nice to the people that deserve my kindness.” “Really? Then how come you can chat up any unfamiliar person as if they’ve been your longtime friend? Else I cannot for the life of me explain how you gained so many friends. You must have even more acquaintances.”

Akira threw Goro another one of his cheeky grins. “Is that jealously I hear in your voice, Akechi? I can stop, you know- being nice to strangers. Don’t worry”, Akira leaned forward, kissing one of Goro’s cheeks and blinked up at the detective like a cheeky cat, “You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.”

Well, at least Goro didn’t accidentally kick Akira away with one of his crutches.

The raven quickly waltzed up to another hidden door. “Well, enough talking- I want to show you my room already! Welcome to your temporary sleeping quarters!”

With an enthusiastic push, Akira shoved the door open, giving way to- a rather finely decorated room.

In the middle of the right side of the room was a big, wooden bed- the framework of the bed was painted in a classical walnut color, while the lining of the bed was mostly kept in white. The cushions, however, were again kept in earthy colors, differing from each other. There was a small white colored nightstand next to the left side of the bed. Perched atop of it was an old lamp. Next to it, close to the window and slightly tilted, was a cozy looking winged chair, painted in a lush black. A mattress had been thrown onto the ground, right next to its feet.

In the opposite corner of the wing chair was a mahogany colored work desk with a chair- the desk was created in a way that it tilted alongside the corner, filling up the space perfectly and yet taking minimal space. A small bookshelf in matching colors was put next it, creating a perfectly friendly work environment.

Directly next to that, on the left hand of the room, were two big, huge doors- colored in another black, almost fooling you into thinking they were garage doors. However, on closer inspection, you could dissect two small, grey handles placed on the doors- revealing them to be the wardrobe.

When Goro entered further, he also saw that opposite of where the wardrobe doors ended, a similar door had been placed- it must lead to the private bathroom.

Needless to say, the room was decorated with pictures as well, albeit much fewer pictures than the amount hoarding the hallway and the living room. They were mostly strung up on what Goro assumed to be an LED powered string of lights, right above the bed.

“I’m…stunned, Akira. I hadn’t expected you to live quite so tastefully.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?! Alright, I gotta admit, it took a bit of Yusuke’s powerful color intuition to get everything quite right- but I hope you like it! Not like you’re moving in or something, but like- sleeping in a room that matches your taste should boost your serotonin, right?!”

“The hormones responsible for making you sleep are called melatonin.”

“Oh.”

Goro actually chuckled at the dumbstruck face Akira wore. “Good thing you’re not aiming to become a doctor.”

For a while, there was no response- and Goro looked up from where he was holding onto his crutches curiously.

The dumbstruck face had contorted into an awestruck face instead- the stars were dancing around in Akira’s eyes. “You laughed.”

“I…did.”

“I’ve never heard you laugh before.”

Goro furrowed his brows. “That’s impossible- you must have-“

“No”, Akira interrupted firmly, “I haven’t. Of course, I’ve heard you sneer or- well, leer at me, scoff, or snicker- but I haven’t- heard you laugh.” Goro blinked, unsure of what to say as a dreamy smile appeared on Akira’s face.

“Uh, okay”, he replied, instead.

_Very intelligent sounding answer, Goro, really._

“It’s a nice sound. I want to hear it more often.”

Well, Goro never had much of a reason to laugh in his life before. And why on earth would anyone make it his mission to bring joy to Goro’s life?

Staring too much at that stupid smile would make his brain go mushy- of that, Goro was sure.

Luckily, before the atmosphere could turn too awkward, the doorbell rung, ripping both boys out of their trance. “Oh, that must be them- don’t worry. It’ll only be Ryuji and Yusuke- can’t have you feel uncomfortable on your first day here. Let’s go and greet them!”

Goro wondered if anyone had ever denied that smile something. If they didn’t, he sure as hell was jealous.

Since Goro feared of destroying any interior decoration, he decided to head back to the living room- at least he could sit on the couch without endangering to rip apart any precious memories.

Though he did briefly wonder why he even cared.

When Goro had settled down, he could hear the rambunctious chatter and giggles coming from the hallway. They neared the living room slowly, and the chatter rose in volume “-And then, you know how Morgana gets, right? So he accidentally spilled the entire plate of eggs on Ann’s new shirt. Oh man, the look on her face was hilarious, Akira, honestly!” “She did not seem amused, Ryuji, but it was indeed…a sight to behold.” “Aw man, Yusuke, don’t like, interrupt me like that!”

Suddenly, three tall men were standing in the middle of the living room- one looking at Goro with interest, one with a carefully neutral expression, and one- well, you can imagine how the last one looked. They greeted Goro informally, and Goro was afraid of the awkward introduction talk that would follow- as in, welcome to the house and all that- so Goro was more than just surprised when Akira and Ryuji sat down next to him rather casually, Yusuke opting to sit down on the opposite couch. He was making weird hand gestures, squinting with one eye.

Ryuji hadn’t stopped talking, and the conversation went on for a while- a long while, actually, without anyone commenting on Goro’s presence- if you ignored the fact that Akira had laid a tenacious arm around Goro’s shoulders, leaning in ever so slightly. Goro was growing slightly irritated- were they just going to ignore his presence, or what was the plan, exactly?

“Anyway, next time, you really have to come along again, Akira. You really missed out today, buddy.” Goro was growing extremely uncomfortable sitting between two people who were having a casual conversation right- through him?

“Hm, I don’t know- depends on how comfortable you’ll feel, Akechi.”

Startled, Goro’s head whipped around- Akira stared at him with a lighthearted smile. His eyebrows furrowed in irritation. “Excuse me if I may seem rude, but…what exactly are you trying to achieve here? How come your usual brute friends don’t have anything to say to my presence? Or are they actively trying to ignore-“

“Argh, buddy, no, wrong foot, wrong foot”, Ryuji interrupted out of nowhere, and Goro felt a vein snap. “Look…”

The blonde scratched his head nervously. “We want you to feel comfortable here ‘n shit, okay? But we don’t really get how you tick, anyway. So we thought if we just- you know, went on about our normal day as usual, that would be the most comfortable way for you to settle in, but like- hr. Apparently we seem to suck at reading you.”

Goro tried mustering up an indignant expression- but he was confronted with three droopy looking faces. Which…confused him further.

It was Yusuke’s turn to speak up now. “We were rather happy for you to have found your luck with Akira- he’s very dear to us, you see- so we don’t wish to create any unnecessary tension between you and him. In the past, you didn’t seem too fond to talk or befriend us- frankly, I understand you might have seen me as a freak, really. But if you would like to open up to us- we’d be happy to oblige. After all, living together requires a delicate balance that must not be disturbed.”

Goro threw an angry glare at Akira. “Did you set them up to say this, too?”

“No! No, I promise- I didn’t.” Akira drew his arm away, looking like a kicked puppy. “Sorry- we just…want to live together in peace. And we didn’t know if you wanted to be left alone and not be asked any questions, or…”

Goro huffed. “Just act like you’d usually do around the house- I don’t need you to put up any fake personalities just to please me, really. It would only indignate me further, to be honest.” The detective crossed his arms, staring holes in the ground- urgh, these people were trying to be…considerate of him. He was even contradicting himself now.

Preposterous.

“Gee, no need to get all mopey around us, Prissy Prince.”

“Ryuji!” Akira exclaimed, but the teasing remark actually…drew a smile onto Goro’s face.

“Now, that sounds much more like the brute that has no manners.” “Gah, no matter what I tell myself, I really can’t come to stand your guts, you asshole. Akira’s just tryna to be nice, y’know? Like us. Normal humans would just shut up and take this gratefully.” “Well, I don’t need you to be nice for his sake. Nor do I have any intention of befriending you.“

“Uh, lemme guess, that idea is ‘preposterous’? Gee, no wonder you have no real friends, Akechi. No one would be able to stand _your_ guts for even one second.”

“Guys! I thought we wanted to establish a nice environment together”, Akira threw in, despairing at the imaginary sparks flying between Goro and Ryuji.

Yusuke had shortly disappeared, reappearing with his sketch book- in which he was furiously scribbling now, throwing looks at Goro and Ryuji every now and then as they bickered on, much to Akira’s dismay.

“How’d you even end up with a broken leg, ‘Kechi? Did you try exercising on the pole and fell on your pretty ass?” “Ha, so you think my rearview is pretty? I don’t think Akira appreciates his friend ogling his new boyfriend.”

“What the fuck- Akira, it’s not like that! Ew! I’m not into guys!” “Well, it seems like you’re not ready to admit your newfound attraction to me yet, you brute. For the sake of keeping your dearest friend- I’d suggest finding someone else to fixate on, really. You’re clearly beneath my league, anyway.” “Dude! What the hell?! How are women even attracted to a prick like you and don’t even spare me a second glance?!”

“Maybe because of my sophisticated aura, and your- well, rather primitive atmosphere, really. I don’t doubt you haven’t been able to win over even one person’s heart, considering the primal animal you seem to be. I guess if I had to compare- you’d be an ape.”

Ryuji let out a primal yell, slapping his thighs. “I cannot hold a conversation with you, for fuck’s sake!” “Ah, see, this behavior- it only serves further to strengthen the claim of you being an animal.” “Well, isn’t evolution, like, a thing?! So that makes you a monkey, too!” “I doubt people see any trace of a wild animal when looking at me, though. You? An entirely different story.”

“What-the-fuck-argh! Dude, Akira, bro- what do you even see in this prissy asshole?!”

The raven had been unusually quiet- but now, as both boys turned their attention back to him, saw why- he was grinning, _giggling_ even. “You know- listening to you bicker like that, it’s- hilarious. Really. I think you two actually get along great.”

“No way, I hate him”, both boys replied in unison, resulting in them glaring back at each other- and Akira’s laughter grew louder.

“Yusuke, what do you say?” The raven turned his head towards the artist, who was now busy staring at his sketches. His eyebrows had furrowed in concentration, and he was biting his nail. “Frankly- to me, they seem like this.”

Yusuke turned his drawing around- on it was a surprisingly precise and detailed sketch of the three people he had been so busy watching- just a bit different than from what reality depicted.

In this sketch, Akira had his head propped up in Goro’s lap, staring up at him dreamingly, body stretched on the couch. Goro, meanwhile- no wounds or broken bones to be seen- was running a hand through Akira’s hair, but his gaze was fixed elsewhere- his expression was hard to interpret, something between loneliness and anger, and he seemed to be looking everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Ryuji, meanwhile, seemed to be lost in some sort of conversation he was apparently having with himself- his gaze wasn’t stuck on the lovestruck pair next to him, but the person looking at the sketch itself. However, he was still sitting close to the pair nevertheless, and instead of Akira- it was Ryuji who had amicably thrown an arm around Goro, as if in comfort.

Ryuji and Akira broke into laughter, while Goro just continued staring at the sketch. Despite the fact that it didn’t mirror the situation- like, at all- it was scarily close to reality nevertheless.

Apparently Yusuke was someone to be careful around.

“That sketch is really funny, Yusuke. Buddy. Did you wanna make a satire out of our current fight?” “Um, no, actually-“

“The sketch is surprisingly detailed for something done so quickly, um…?”

The blue-haired man mustered up a shy smile. “Yusuke Kitagawa. You may call me however you wish, Akechi- though most people prefer to call me Yusuke.” “I…see? Yusuke. You’re rather talented, it seems?” “Ah, no, not at all. I just prefer to draw whatever draws my interest, really. And the constellation- was inspiring, somehow.”

“Why exactly did you draw me looking so sad, then? Am I supposed to interpret something into that?” Goro couldn’t quite hide the ire in his voice, but Yusuke seemed unperturbed.

In fact, he seemed to be confused himself. “Frankly, I cannot answer that, Akechi. My artistic sense just guides me from time to time and- does whatever it wants. I don’t question it, you see, in fear of losing my way. Sometimes, I do pick out specific topics to draw and depict, but this- well, I am afraid I cannot explain.”

Goro leaned back into the couch, still slightly irritated. He was about to open his mouth to retaliate something, when the brute decided to pipe up again. “Ah, heck, we all look ridiculous in the sketch- but don’t you dare attack Yusuke for that, Prissy Prince.”

Goro merely rolled his eyes in response. “Dude! I mean it! Though, well. Yusuke always manages to get us back onto the ground if things escalate, I suppose.” Ryuji let out a loud sigh. “Ryuji Sakamoto the name- you probably don’t know since you don’t care for me. But I guess Yusuke saw that…”

Ryuji’s sentence was lost in a mumble, his gaze drifting away.

“I’m afraid I did not catch that,…Sakamoto.” Goro threw in, eerily calm now.

“I said…that he was probably seeing we could be friends if we wanted to. We might…not clash well, honestly speaking- but maybe we also just got off the wrong feet. I mean, Akira saw something in you…so you can’t be a bad guy, honestly. Akira doesn’t just fall for real assholes.”

It was weirdly touching to hear such words coming out of the mouth of a person who had just been constantly insulted by Goro. Or maybe he was just a big, dastardly fool- like all of Akira’s friends were, really.

Ryuji scratched his head, his gaze stuck on a piece of coal on the carpet-one of Yusuke’s many drawing utensils. “Well, you don’t need to change your behavior or something- not like I enjoy being insulted, but I’d rather you insult me and get your daily dose of pettiness off on me rather than your boyfriend or something. So long as you don’t use Akira for evil purposes- well, I guess we’ll get along just fine. Besides…we had the same opinion when it came to handling problem children, right? You’re not the prick you make yourself out to be.”

Ryuji offered Goro a crooked, shaky smile. “I don’t think we’ll be friends right now, or, well, ever- but life is always full of surprises, isn’t it?”

He held out a fist towards Goro, which Goro only glared at irritatedly. What was this supposed to signify?

Suddenly, he felt Akira’s breath near his ear. “It’s a peace offer”, he whispered, “you’re supposed…to bump your own fist against his, as if signing a peace treaty, you know? Like, ‘Lay down our arms’-style?” 

Urgh. Really now? Still, despite every inch of Goro’s hair standing up at the body contact- he held out his fist shakily, barely touching the blonde’s hand.

It was enough for the blonde and Akira, as they were beaming at a grumpy looking Goro.

They all ignored Yusuke’s mutters: “Ah, the birth of friendship…This could be portrayed as well…”

It seemed like Goro was stuck with these three fools for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yusuke and his drawing skills are the best


	22. The Chariot struts on relentlessly. Will the fool dare to hop on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up ahead is Canon divergence! I like Ryuji's backstory (if you can put it that way) so I only changed some minimal things.  
> Enjoy!

“So how long you gonna be a cripple for?”

A few hours had passed since the guys had arrived, and after a bit of fooling around, Akira had decided to prepare lunch. He had asked Goro if he wished to be entertained, if he wanted to read or watch a series- but somehow all those things left a sour aftertaste in Goro’s mouth, and he politely declined, saying he already knew what he was going to do.

Obviously he didn’t know what to do.

Yusuke had disappeared, leaving the apartment altogether, and Ryuji had lingered around in the living room. He was playing some game on the console Goro tried his hardest to ignore, but somehow…it was oddly interesting. From what he could see, the game was about some person silhouetted in a cloak that went around assassinating people in secret- or in the open, which would lead people to go after him, needing to hide. They were slipping into Italian from time to time, and the graphics seemed to be old, but it created an odd charm to the game.

Goro was startled that Ryuji had talked him up, not expecting the young man to do so.

“Also, I’m not a dick or something- I’d offer to play Mario Kart with you, but it doesn’t make sense to play it with one hand. You couuuuld try and make Akira play as your second hand, but I don’t know if you guys are that much in sync yet, lol.”

“I certainly don’t need your pity-“ “Yeah, yeah, and you don’t need us to take care of you and all that jazz- isn’t that what you were gonna say?- Ah, shit!”

The character on screen was suddenly pursued by a group of heavily armed soldiers, and Ryuji had to try his hardest to survive.

“Spare us that talk, will ya? If you don’t wanna indulge in something, just say no or something. It’s kinda annoying to listen to some sort of moral speech of ‘Oh, I don’t owe you anything if you do this for me’ or whatever you were going to say. All of us- yikes!- we just do what we feel like doing. ‘N obviously you don’t owe us shit for when we invite you to do something- it’s just an offer. You’re always allowed to decline or accept without owing us something in return. That’s- how getting to know each other, or like, friendship works. A little, at least. Akira ain’t got no chance to brainwash us or something like you might suspect. We all like and respect each other, but we don’t kiss-aaaah, fuck!- Ass!”

The character had died, and Ryuji threw the controller down rather frustratedly. “Fuck! I didn’t save prior to this fight! I mean, luckily the freaking thing has an auto-save function, but…I still lost a bit of progress. Curse those stupid guards. Well, anyway, what was I saying? Right. If we feel like doing stuff with you, then it’s genuine, even if ya don’t believe it, y’know? ‘Cuz ain’t no way in hell we’d be wasting our time away like that otherwise. And, well, I would actually love to try and test your battle skills in Soul Calibur or- Mario Kart or whatever. But ain’t no doing of that with your wrist.”

Ryuji muttered a few more curses under his breath, and Goro- bored to death, and…definitely not touched, nope, replied: “I don’t…have any experiences with these games, actually.”

Ryuji turned around from where he had seated himself on the ground, cocking his head slightly. “You ain’t ever played Assassins Creed?”

“I meant in general. I just…I lacked the time.”

“So you wouldn’t even know how to play Mario Kart?”

Goro hated admitting weaknesses, and so he scowled. “No.”

Ryuji had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face Goro had ever witnessed so far. “Oh my gosh, bro, I’d totally destroy you! Wow, beating _the_ Akechi Goro in Mario Kart, or any other game? Dang, it’d be hella satisfying. Oh fuck yeah, we definitely need to hold a fighting tournament once your wrist is healed with everyone- it’s gonna be hilarious!”

“I’d prefer not to be made fun of.” “Aw, come on buddy, it’s all fun and games! Until someone kicks you off the road in Mario Kart, that is. Then friendships usually end- especially on the Rainbow course.”

“…Right.” Goro had absolutely no idea what Ryuji was talking about.

“Hey, so you watched me play this whole time, right? Do you even know what Assassins Creed is about?” “I told you- no.” “Aw man, this game’s great! It’s the best installation in the series, in my opinion- this is about Ezio…”

Surprisingly, it was rather interesting to listen Ryuji ramble on and on about the admittedly interesting story. The story of a suddenly orphaned boy, out on his way to revenge- seeking to murder those who killed off his entire family. It resonated with a weird part of Goro’s heart- even though he himself was more out to murder his family- so he got oddly invested. Ryuji patiently explained to him all the different aspects of the game, of all the untold stories and the depth with which the game had been created.

It touched Akira’s heart, who passed by once as he left the kitchen to check on something, to see Goro enjoying himself- so he quietly passed by without making his presence known.

“No, trust me- you should take the dagger with you on missions like this. Makes him- more suave, y’know? Chicks dig that shit.” “I don’t think so. I believe there’s beauty in carrying a sword and impaling your enemies on those- besides, most of the guards that follow Ezio everywhere wear swords as well, don’t they? It’d seem ridiculous if you parried those with a dagger. Imagine! It wouldn’t end well.” “It will work, though, because it’s game mechanics, ‘Kechi. It’s just like how Ezio climbs those walls and buildings and shit by merely hanging onto small, tiny pebbles. It wouldn’t work in reality, either.”

“That’s not true. See, I do enjoy bouldering- I count it to my very few hobbies- so I can see the possibility of those…adventurous climbs succeeding.”

“Dude, you boulder?”

Ryuji paused the game, turning around with a surprised expression. It irked Goro a little. “Well, I do have to do some exercise to keep myself in shape, don’t I? Though I have to admit I have been neglecting it as of late more often. I don’t even remember when the last time was that I went. Why? Do you have anything against bouldering?” Goro got ready to attack.

“Nah, I just thought- that it’s actually really cool?” 

“Oh.” And Goro’s will-power for an all-out attack evaporated.

“Yeah! I’m kind of a sports addict- I mean, I was leader of the track team back in highschool, y’know, and that, combined with what I’m studying- I guess it’s kinda obvious that I just love sports. But bouldering was always a hurdle too high for me. Akira isn’t the greatest sports cannon, but he’s on a good path, and so we had a bit of fun when we tried it out once. I don’t think that was the true bouldering experience- I’m too broke to afford a professional course, though. Think you’d offer to teach me once?”

“Depends. Are you ready to pay-“

“Dude, I just told ya-“

“-with your sweat and tears?”

Ryuji grinned. “Now you’re speaking my language, bro.”

“Also…”

“Hm?” Ryuji seemed genuinely interested what Goro was about to ask- and the question was burning on Goro’s tongue.

“Why…do you focus so much on trying to teach children, if you don’t mind me asking? If you are such a big sports addict like you described- wouldn’t it be more lucrative if you aimed for a real professional sport career instead of aiming to work with children?”

“Well…” Ryuji scratched his head, closing his eyes- something he often did when he was thinking strongly. “I guess- it might be related to my Dad?”

“Sorry?”

Ryuji sighed. “Urgh, look, this is kinda a heavy topic. Basically, my Dad used to hit my mother- he was a real ass, an alcoholic to boot. It got so bad that- I had issues, sometimes, to…keep the anger back, you know? I was so weak. I couldn’t do anything- and while I didn’t really care when he raised his hands against me, it sucked- it sucks to stand at the sidelines and watch your mother get abused. I just- this anger, the hate- it built up inside of me- and I had no real outlet. I didn’t know what to do- sometimes, I even thought about how nice it’d be if he just…died. Preferably by my own hands.”

Goro felt like he was choking on air.

“Well- the thing was- I was difficult in that phase. Like I said- the anger wouldn’t just disappear, and there were other factors nurturing it even further. It just built up and up and up. I wondered why I was the only one suffering. Why everyone else seemed to have such supportive parents- and why I had to suffer under the fate of an alcoholic trash Dad. So I got into fights in school and even endangered being thrown out. It got so bad- my Mom, she came to school one day, when that fucking asshole had finally up and left and- and apologized- for not giving me a good father figure. For _making me_ a problem child, even though- it was- it was all my fault, y’know?” Ryuji’s voice stuttered, and his eyes glistened with tears.

“It was a good thing I had Ann and Shiho”, he begun again, after a rather long pause. “Ann knew me from middle school, but we weren’t really close back then. In high school I defended Shiho from some weird dudes once, and so we quickly grew closer- seriously, it barely took six months. They suggested I start focusing back on running on the track team. Like, I was already part of it back then, but I took it rather loosely- I only showed up for practice when I felt like it. When the girls suggested I pursue that more seriously, though…Well, let’s just say it saved my life, in a way. I got- I finally had an outlet.”

Ryuji closed his eyes, heaving out a sigh. “I finally had something- something I was good at, where I could give my all and forget a little about the world- about myself, about my Dad. It was…relieving. And while it didn’t solve all my problems, it felt good to run. To just- well. Fly on my feet like that.”

The blonde chuckled a little self-consciously. “That’s how I started becoming a sports addict in the first place- and, well. Getting better at it earned me a good reputation- something that made my Mom proud. I guess when I met Akira, he sort of helped me realize that I wanted to help other kids find an outlet, too- because I knew what it was like. To feel all alone and helpless in the world. To have been…fucked over by the world and be nothing but hate and anger.”

Goro was still holding his breath.

Ryuji had a shaky smile on his lips. “An’, well. Yeah. Only going pro in the sports world somehow wouldn’t satisfy me, y’know? I wanted to do something more meaningful…And Akira was the one who opened my eyes to see that truth. I’ll always be grateful for that. Guy’s a real trooper, you know?”

Ryuji obviously waited for some sort of reaction from Goro, but the Detective Prince was shocked of how many…similarities between him and the brute existed. A small part of him regretted ever looking down so blatantly on the blonde, and for a while, his mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish, unable to really answer.

How could Ryuji just trust him with his life story like that? Sure, Akira had said his friends might open up to Goro, but- so soon? This easily.

His friends were fools.

Despite there not being a reply, Ryuji held out his fist again, momentarily confusing Goro. “How about this? Let’s just seal a pact here. Y’know, becoming bros and shit? Well, bumping your fists can be a sign of friendship, too.” “Is that…why you and Akira have that odd greeting with your hands and fists and feet?” Goro was grateful for the change in topic.

“Mhmm. Yeah, but we also just think it’s funny, ya know? So we do that because it’s fun.” “I…see.” “It’s really not that deep. There’s a million reasons you could be doing this.”

“And…what is the meaning of this one?”

“Well, I guess we’re promising to go bouldering together? And as…sort of a bonding moment? Cuz, like. You didn’t laugh at me for telling you how pathetic I was once. And now you know my life story, too- it’s really weird how I just felt like spilling it to you, y’know? But I don’t…I don’t regret it. Somehow, it was…oddly relieving. And you actually really ain’t as much of an asshole as I initially thought.”

Ryuji motioned for Goro to fist-bump him once more.

This time, Goro’s fist shaked a little less than before, and the collision was a bit stronger. Ryuji had a genuine smile on his face that sent an unfamiliar warmth through Goro’s bones.

Of course, Goro denied feeling that way.

But he was slowly, slowly, growing weary- of having to shield himself from all this fake kindness and all their fake explanations and-

And all this warmth.

Fuck it, Goro was growing soft, let’s face it.

***

“Food’s ready, guys!”

Ryuji and Goro were both startled when Akira struck out his head from beyond the kitchen door, bringing along a delicious scent. “Ryuji, mind setting the table? Yusuke seems to be returning rather late today, he texted me- so we should eat already.”

The blonde grumbled, but saved the game, turning off the console completely. He got up grumpily, disappearing into the kitchen, while Akira settled down next to Goro, positively brimming with energy. There was a huge, dorky smile on his face.

“Soooo…?” “So what? Don’t play games with me, Akira.” “Hey, unfair! I was just trying to say, you know. You and Ryuji?”

“What about us?”

“Well, that was one hell of a bonding event if you ask me! I didn’t catch everything, obviously- I was too afraid the food was going to end up burning down, so I couldn’t risk peeking in often- but what I did saw- well, I’m glad my theory that you actually get along well proved to be correct.”

Goro huffed. “I don’t…like him, really.” “Really?”

“Well, I suppose I don’t hate him either.”

Akira grinned. “That’s about as big as a compliment one could get from you, Akechi.” 

Goro really needed a topic change.

“The table doesn’t seem to be made for having a proper meal on it- it is rather low table, not suited to your heights, if you ask me.” The raven hummed. “Well, we usually either eat while sitting on the ground, or eat outside- or, more often, just serve the food on the table and then have the plates on our laps.” “That seems like a terrible idea.” “Well, yeah, we kinda spilled food often that way- but we don’t really see the need to buy a proper dining table, you know?

As they discussed the pros and cons of acquiring a table, Ryuji came back and sat down some dishes, carefully balancing them on the side of the rather small table. He quickly came back, setting down a tray of self-made pizza, as well as a bit of rice and sushi.

“I couldn’t really decide what to do…so I just did a little bit of everything that’s easy to eat with one hand?”

Akira sheepishly scratched his head. It was only now that Goro had realized how hungry he was, and Ryuji promptly motioned him to dig in. “Tell me what you want and I’ll fill up your plate- I ain’t gonna feed ya, though. Gotta ask your boyfriend to do that.” “Well, I doubt I’ll ask him of that, really.” “Aw, hey, Akechi, think it over a little longer at least!”

“No.”

Ryuji laughed.

***

The day quickly passed by, and Goro was oddly entertained by both Akira and Ryuji. They both decided to play a few games once they had all finished eating, and even when they stopped playing games on the console, they went and whipped out Monopoly, challenging Goro to play with them. It was then that Yusuke returned, fulfilling the perfect quota for participants in the board game.

Goro won by a long shot- in the end, everyone was deep in debt, making him filthy rich.

Well, if only life had granted him a portion of this luck in real life- it would have been easier, really.

After a simple dinner, time passed on, and soon, Goro found himself changing his clothes and falling into Akira’s decent sized bed- it was bigger than Goro’s single bed, but certainly smaller than the huge bed in Ren’s house.

Fuck Ren, though- Goro wasn’t supposed to think about him.

Even though he had sort of missed the secret text messages containing teasing remarks about his interactions with Akira.

But that wasn’t what this was about now.

Was it?

_Argh._

Akira had settled down on the mattress on the ground, pushing it as close to the bed as possible. “I hope you enjoyed today”, he whispered into the darkness, and Goro was sure he had a smile on his face.

And because it was dark, because he could scarcely make out who the person lying on the ground was, what he wanted, and because the night gave him an odd courage Goro could never show in reality- he answered, truthfully, unhinged: “I guess I would be lying if I said the day had been a complete waste of time.”

At least that was the excuse he served his brain late into the night, when he laid down on rather comfortable cushions and linings, drifting between reality and dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY DID ATLUS NEVER INCLUDE GORO BONDING WITH THE PT. LITERALLY WHY. THERE ARE SO MANY PARALLELS AND GORO WOULD BE ABLE TO RELATE TO SO MUCH well whatever that's the reason I'm writing this now lol


	23. Love, Lover and Lust: where was the borderline? The fool asked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C'mon this is still a college au so lemme use some clichés lol  
> This chapter features a loooot of chatting! Enjoy!

Due to his nature of being an early riser, Goro actually had breakfast alongside Akira. Ryuji usually slept in right until he had to leave, skipping on breakfast since he always snacked in between lessons. Yusuke had woken up, but he was busier sketching Goro and Akira than…eating. “If it bothers you, I can tell him to stop, though I guess it would make him a bit sad. He lives for his passion, as you can see”, Akira smiled, explaining in between bites.

Goro didn’t particularly care, so long as the sketches didn’t go around the public- which he doubted would happen, given Akira’s oh-so-understanding nature.

Before the three roommates parted, Akira told Goro he had put down the notes of all the missed classes atop of his desk in his room. “I guess that’ll keep you occupied long enough, until someone makes it back home.” He shrugged. His friends had already bid their goodbyes and departed in a hurry- even though they were all going to take the same train, anyway.

“Don’t worry”, Goro replied, “I’ll see it to myself that I keep busy enough. You just…go and focus on your studies.” Why did this feel like a goodbye between an old couple?

Akira leaned in, giving Goro a quick peck on the lips. “Alright”, he said, softly, a gentle smile on his lips, “I’ll go and make my Akechi proud.”

_Blegh._

With that, he was off.

 _My_ Akechi, huh. Very bold of him to assume Goro belonged to him now. But then again, wasn’t that partly what relationships were about?

It still mystified Goro, this whole ‘friendship’ and ‘boyfriend’ and ‘unconditional support’ thing. How did any of these things work, really? Did they have set rules, like having to ‘bro-fist’ each other on a set time?

This was probably more difficult than any case Goro had encountered in his life.

Well, better go and bury himself in his studies, then.

***

Barely three hours of diving deep into legal rights and Goro Akechi was bored.

 _Hella_ bored.

It wasn’t even the subject’s fault- or Akira’s, whose handwriting was meticulously neat in comparison to his twin.

It was odd- Goro had never felt this way before. He hadn’t been aware that hanging around with the twins or…Akira’s respective friends, who insisted they were Goro’s friends, too, would…add something to his life so quickly.

Giving him another perspective on how life could be- enjoyable. Filled with surprises- not the bad ones, necessarily. Goro was still waiting for some evil clown to pop up out of nowhere and declare his whole life was a TV show and he’d been pranked on, so it wasn’t like he necessarily started _trusting_ this sort of lifestyle.

But apparently he had been negligent enough to have someone like Akira sneak into his life and- well. Now Goro had to deal with…even more _feelings._

So much for staying on track to get his revenge on Shido.

Urgh.

Frustrated, Goro decided to look up his landlord’s information and ask about his apartment. Goro had to heal up until he could take any sort of revenge against Shido, anyway. And he also needed a home to return to instead of crashing at Akira’s for the course of two months.

As he’d feared, the landlord was rather confused- told Goro he himself had sent a letter in which he’d terminated their contract, claiming he wasn’t interested in his belongings, either. Luckily, the landlord still hadn’t begun to clear out the apartment as he’d been rather busy himself.

Goro whipped up some convenient lie- someone from a former case Goro had helped to clear up had faked his ID and he’d been mugged, too, as some sort of revenge- and asked, as kindly as possible, if the landlord could ignore the letter altogether, only charging Goro for a change of lock and a new key.

He’d feared the answer- he’d always been unlucky in life, but getting too lucky seemed to be a prevalent for a disaster happening as well- so he was prepared for the inevitable ‘Actually, I’ve already found another tenant that will move in in the next few weeks’.

Well, shit.

Really? Now he was stranded. And he certainly couldn’t effort to search a new apartment as long as he hadn’t worked the next month in full, either. Whatsmore, he still had to pay for a change of lock and a pair of new keys- obviously Goro didn’t have insurance to cover him. At least the landlord offered him to go and pick up his clothes and his private belongings in the next two weeks, or else they’d probably be thrown out.

Urgh. Well, he had to find some sort of solution here. Maybe if he played the sick guy more credibly, Akira would at least take him in for a few weeks- or offer to pay a bit of the rent for as long as he kept housing here. Even if he didn’t know what the rent split by four would look like, anyway.

But Akira would surely take him in like the kind, considerate man he was. Like his friends. They’d probably spew some nonsense like ‘ _We told you friends stick together in bad times, right?!’_

It made Goro sick- to rely on someone, and to have their pity- or receive their kindness. But he was kind of in a pinch here, and had no other choice.

Well, he could confront Akira with the news as soon as someone raised the question when he was moving out, at least.

Still, he found himself bored once again as he hung up, sick of reading paragraphs over paragraphs of law.

He began scrolling around on his phone, hoping to pass time- when he stumbled upon the only other contact name he’d apparently saved.

_That model friend._

Well, at least Futaba Sakura’s naming sense made it easy to guess who she was referring to. Come to think of it, had she really kept quiet about the whole ‘stalker’ lie upon Goro’s disappearance? Sure, he’d somewhat told her he had the stalker incident resolved, but disappearing so quickly afterwards would make anyone suspicious if the incident really had been solved or not.

But there was no way she kept quiet about this for so long, did she?

Only one way to find out.

_Me (11:09): Hello, Ann. It’s me, Akechi._

_That model friend (11:10): kskdkfkdhkd_

_Me (11:11): Pardon?_

_That model friend (11:11): sry I just almost dropped my phone (fine okay I did)_

_That model friend (11:12): You sure took your sweet time to talk to me again, Akechi! I was so worried!_

_That model friend (11:12): dw, though- I promised u to keep my mouth shut about the whole stalker thing and I did_

_That model friend (11:13): But I WENT NUTS!!! NUTS YOU HEAR ME!!! Met Akira this morning and he told me you were hurt!!!_

_That model friend (11:13): was it ur stalker? Tell me the truth!!! Akira only told me you said it was some case or smth_

_That model friend (11:13): I hope the situations been resolved at least. I know you told me the stalker had backed off_

_That model friend (11:13): or that you had the case solved. But I got worried smth went wrong when you disappeared!_

_That model friend (11:14): now u should treat me to some sweets to heal my heartburn!!!_

_Me (11:15): Sweets are contrary in treating heartburn._

Impressive. So the woman really had kept her mouth shut? Or was she lying to Goro again, like when she said she’d fully believed his ‘love’ for Akira, only to later overturn her statement?

_That model friend (11:16):stop changing the subject!!!! Don’t make me worried ;(_

_That model friend (11:16): at least tell me ur fine or smth. Im even texting during class for u!_

_Me (11:17): Then maybe you should stop that._

_That model friend (11:17): noooooooooooo_

_That model friend (11:18) cmon DX_

Well, the woman was persistent, so much was sure.

_Me (11:18): I am fine. Thank you for your concern. I only suffered a sprain in my hand and a broken leg_

_Me (11:18): In pursuit of the stalker- he escaped, you see. But he’s behind bars now. So all is good._

_Me (11:19): I did, sadly, lose my keys during the pursuit, meaning I am currently invading Akira’s place._

_Me (11:20): Though I suppose it is Yusuke and Ryuji’s as well._

_That model friend (11:21): !!!! PERFECT!!! Im so glad that’s over! I Now you can enjoy rooming with Akira for a while ;)_

_That model friend (11:22): If u do anything naughty, remember the walls may be a bit thin, tho._

_That model friend (11:22): don’t forget to keep your voice down!_

_That model friend (11:23): I can imagine Akira being lowkey thirsty for you but tryna hold himself back bcs ur hurt lol_

_That model friend (11:23): I remember how much he thirsted about you back when he was still one-sided in love_

_That model friend (11:24): the things I had to hear, man. He got it bad._

_That model friend (11:24): oh don’t misunderstand…he didn’t tell me he was in love_

_That model friend (11:24): and we all just assumed he was sort of rivalling you and wanted 2 be friends_

_That model friend (11:25): but looking back on it? It should’ve been obvious to me_

_That model friend (11:25): I wasn’t lying about not really knowing how Akira would react!_

_That model friend (11:28): but yeah, now that you’re a couple, everything looks different in hindsight_

_That model friend (11:30): like he said ‘Akechi is such an ass’_

_That model friend (11:32): but now I’m sure we all just misheard and he actually said HAS an ass_

_That model friend (11:33): LOL_

Did she really just say that? Or rather: did Akira say that??? Alright, so this was happening. Akira had thirsted after him? Wait, he said that himself, didn’t he? But Akira didn’t seem like the type to indulge in such…such lust-ridden fantasies or even go so far as to suggest sex- he was more like an innocent puppy, like someone who’d love to take bubble baths or massage your back without any dirty back thoughts. Wasn’t he? There was a definite line between ‘thirsting’ after someone and ‘crushing’ on them, right? And one of them automatically excluded the other.

Right???

_Me @KiraKira (11:40): Do you think about me and sex often? You don’t strike me as the type._

Goro stared in horror at the screen, wondering if it was possible to disappear from the face of earth or not. He’d wanted to draft the fucking message. Draft it! He’d probably be fine sending it to Ren, but he knew how open Ren was about the whole sexual desires thing- though of course, Goro remembered a bit frustrated, he’d never indulged Goro despite that.

_KiraKira (12:00): asihsifjdkj0jqwopefk_

Twenty fucking minutes. Twenty minutes in where Goro wished he’d died and went to hell or wherever rotten people like him belonged- why the fuck had it taken the shitty guy twenty minutes to reply, and then he didn’t even answer properly? Stupid selfish bastard.

_KiraKira (12:05): sryi just lostmy compsure for a sex_

_KiraKira (12:05): SEC!!! SECOND OH MY_

_KiraKira (12:06): b4 I say anything tho_

_KiraKira (12:06): Is this your attempt at sexting? Bcs I have like. Like 0 idea what exactly you mean and I don’t wanna like_

_KiraKira (12;07): make u uncomfortable or anything. Just making sure I uh_

_KiraKira (12:08): get this right?_

Goro would never admit to a soul he had to google ‘sexting’ for a second there and luckily avoided clicking on pictures altogether.

Or else his soul really would have been scarred for life.

_Me (12:10): Well, would you like that?_

It was only supposed to be a teasing remark, something to rescue him out of the hole he fell into, and Goro was still thinking of how to explain his curiosity when his phone pinged, announcing new messages.

_KiraKira (12:11): I am a young adult with a hot-crush-turned-boyfriend._

_KiraKira (12:11): so to answer ur question? Yes? I think about you way more often than I should._

_KiraKira (12:12): like_

_Me (12:13): Well, Ann said some disturbing things about how she listened to you ‘thirst on’ about me._

_KiraKira (12:15): OH! Oh that’s what you meant. Well, yeah, it was a joy to look at you even from afar, you know?_

_KiraKira (12:15): Sry that probably sounded weird and creepy, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable._

_KiraKira (12:16): but you do have a fine ass to look at dude_

Well, at least this time around, Goro didn’t choke- he felt like he was doing that a lot lately, somehow. And Ann really interpreted the right thing.

_Me (12:16): I could sue you for sexual harassment if you keep saying things like that._

_KiraKira (12:17): Dude!!! Your own boyfriend??? Being sued?? For finding you hot?? I don’t wanna live in a world like that_

_KiraKira (12:18): r u serious tho_

_Me (12:20): Being in such a position does not give you the right to harass me._

_KiraKira (12:21): sorry. I didn’t mean it like that ;( I just thought it was funny_

_KiraKira (12:22): but you’re not, like- interested in sex or something? No judging just think I should know_

_Me (12:25): Well, I’m not exactly against the idea. I wouldn’t have fucked around with your twin if I didn’t want that._

Right, Goro had almost forgotten that lie. Good thing he caught himself.

_Me (12:26): You just…didn’t strike me as the type with a great sexual need. Or someone with a high libido._

_Me (12:27): You’ve never mentioned anything of the sort._

_KiraKira (12:30): well I mean duh. You’re hurt? That kinda takes priority over pouncing on you rn._

_KiraKira (12:32): and I do mention how much I like you and stuff but_

_KiraKira (12:33): since u never say much in return or even smth close I figured it’d be_

_KiraKira (12:35): a lil bit too soon to pull the ‘Hey wanna have sex’ card even tho I know u slept with Ren_

_KiraKira (12:36): and like I said that’s not even a question right now until you’re healed up or smth_

_KiraKira (12:37): shouldn’t u continue studying up instead of asking me how high my thirst level is for you? ;)_

_Me (12:50): Well, you should be paying attention as well. But it doesn’t look that way._

_Me (12:51): Neither is Ann. She’s still texting me. How do you guys not even get caught at all?_

_KiraKira (12:38): We’ve been working on our skills since three years ago. I guess you need time skill and patience ;P_

There was a short delay before Akira wrote another message.

_KiraKira (12:50): what do you think about calling you pet names?_

_Me (12:55): I’m not an animal?_

_KiraKira (13:00): XDXD Noooo! It’s like. Calling you babe or sweetheart._

Like Ren had always done oh-so-casually. But fuck that guy, anyway. Was this really such a big thing?

_Me (13:01): I don’t understand why you ask me such things. Call me whatever you want._

_KiraKira (13:05): Well, a relationship is about respecting boundaries and stuff like that. Also making compromises._

_KiraKira (13:07): and we’re living together now 2 for a while. So I really don’t want any awkward tension between us._

_Me (13:10): You ask a lot if I am comfortable with this or that. Why?_

_KiraKira (13:11): Communication is key in relationships, isn’t it? I cant know what u think b4 I ask u_

_KiraKira (13:11): hold on_

_KiraKira (13:20): The sooner I know what you prefer or not the smoother our relationship can be_

_KiraKira (13:20): I mean sure sometimes we’ll probably still end up misunderstanding or fighting but that’s why_

_KiraKira (13:21): I’m trying my hardest to prevent that I guess_

_Me (13:30): You say that, but so far, you have only been adjusting to my wishes, I’ve never asked you what you like or not_

_Me (13:31): So isn’t it kind of hypocritical of you to say we have to communicate with each other to make this work_

_Me (13:32): when all that’s been happening so far is you listening and heeding to me?_

_Like a bootlicker._

_KiraKira (13:40): I mean, sure, you’re right. But that doesn’t mean I’ll hold back forever, you know?_

_KiraKira (13:41): How do I make this sound right? I want you to know I respect and appreciate you._

_KiraKira (13:43): but I think that despite our pretty sexy kissing session (we need to repeat that for real)_

_KiraKira (13:45): you haven’t been…seeming too elated at this whole boyfriend thing and I don’t judge you!!!_

_KiraKira (13:45): I think you just need time to adjust?_

_KiraKira (13:46): so I’m gonna be patient for now and prode around what YOU like b4 u try to find my interests ;)_

_KiraKira (13:47): Sounds okay? :)_

_KiraKira (13:48): also uh_

_KiraKira (13:50): u said b4 that u flirted with my twin and stuff. Is it okay of me to ask how far you went? I just_

_KiraKira (13:52): I guess I kinda feel uncomfortable not knowing that ;/_

_Me (14:00): We didn’t have sex. We just fumbled around and made out like horny teenagers with a blowjob here and there_

Because apparently, someone vehemently had something against fucking him even though Ren fucked pretty much all of his acquaintances.

He also mocklingly added:

_Me (14:03): Why? Does that make you uncomfortable?_

Though his sarcasm wasn’t really hearable through a text message, it seemed.

_Kirakira (14:05): Well I mean? I cant say im v happy bout it but I also cant change the past_

_KiraKira (14:06): that just means I’ll have to be a better kisser than Ren so u become crazy 4 me ;) and forget about him_

_Me (14:08): There has to be a lot more than just being a good kisser to satisfy me_

_KiraKira (14:10): oh I know. And I always love me a good challenge ;)_

It sort of marked the end of their conversation, as Akira chatted on about more trivial things, and Goro was glad for the change of pace.

Or rather: peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being able to switch between narrative storytelling and mindless chats is really fun. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Also would you believe me if I said this was still an important scene for Goro? 
> 
> Leave a comment or a kudo and share your thoughts~ thanks!


	24. Sun and fool make love- but where will it lead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats nervously*

More days passed by, and Goro grew more and more accustomed to the living habits of the three boys. Since he couldn’t properly enact revenge on Shido until he was fully healed, he told himself it was okay to lay low for two months- he’d still plan out his steps of what to do beforehand.

The problem was: he didn’t really have any plan.

To distract himself from suffering under anxiety and panic yet anew, he was easily distracted by the three men. Their schedules were set, and yet their return home was pretty random- except Akira, who always returned right after university ended, throwing himself into the kitchen to prepare a meal while chatting on with Goro. Akira always prepared snacks for Goro to munch on in case he got hungry- but Goro never dared to touch them, starving himself until Akira got home.

It was an old, bad habit. In the past, he’d suffer under abuse if he dared to touch food unless he’d be given explicit permission to. A part of him must be afraid, he thought to himself, that history could repeat itself- that maybe he’d grab Ryuji’s snack instead of his own, and that it would destroy-

Well, frankly, Goro didn’t know what it would destroy, either.

He hated himself for being unable to lay down his past without fear- another sign of weakness. Of course, the action of starving himself didn’t pass by without comment- Akira often inquired why he hadn’t eaten at all except for breakfast- the one meal the two of them would always have together.

Goro didn’t answer, and Akira didn’t pry. It was a stalemate.

“You know I’d be really happy if you got used to treating this place like your own home”, Akira mumbled in between bites one day, a few days before Goro would finally return back to work life and university. They were alone- Ryuji must have been heading to the gym for until late at night again, and Yusuke’s whereabouts were mostly unknown to Goro all the time.

“But it’s not mine, Akira. That’s a fact.”

 _Though I still haven’t found a new place to live in once this month’s over._

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re welcome to treat is as your own, you know? Raid the fridge. Occupy the living room- heck, you can use anyone’s wardrobe, although Yusuke doesn’t really have much in there except more canvases, really. He always borrows stuff from us. I’m concerned, Akechi. It’s always meticulously neat and tidy when I come back home.”

There was an odd pause as Goro continued eating his hot udon bowl. He would leave most of the broth in the bowl- he couldn’t lift the damn thing with only one hand and slurp up the broth in the end, and it was odd of Akira to prepare something Goro couldn’t easily enjoy to the fullest.

“And what”, Goro asked, to fill the awkward silence, “pray tell, makes you think I don’t treat this as my own home? I do have a habit of keeping my house clean and tidy, you know.” “That- I can’t know if that’s true or not, you’re correct. But I’m more concerned about- how it seems like there wasn’t anyone inhabiting our apartment in the first place, you know? Like you’re trying to hide your own presence or whatever. You don’t- touch anything, or take food out of the fridge, even with permission.”

Goro stiffened, although he tried hiding the fact that Akira had struck yet another nerve. He didn’t want to talk about his old habits and how they came to be with Akira- he didn’t need to know about Goro’s past. It was unnecessary.

“I mean, don’t misunderstand! Of course I appreciate that you seem to be really careful of not trashing this place, like Ryuji or Yusuke sometimes do. But- you know, the other day- when I saw you trying to get some cookies from the jar and I surprised you by walking in earlier than usual- you looked like you were ready to burn your hand and the jar with you. Like-“

“You merely surprised me, that’s all.”

“Yeah, but you even try to wash your laundry on your own, Akechi. And like I said- it’s very nice of you to be so considerate, but like…you’re hurt? You should just lay back and enjoy the hospitality instead.”

“Well, maybe I don’t feel like smooching my way around here?”

“Maybe this is really presumptuous of me to say, but, uh…Somehow, I had the feeling- with the cookie thing- that you were…terrified of me-saying something- like, scold-“

Irritated, Goro let his chopsticks fall into the bowl with a loud splash, causing some of the broth to splash over onto the table. The glistening drops of the soup reflected the ire in his eyes as he awkwardly searched his crutches, getting up.

“If you’re so interested in cleaning up after my shit, Akira, go right ahead.”

He’d storm out of the room if possible, but there wasn’t much of an option with his broken leg- so he slowly limped outside, hoping to- ironically- bury himself in Akira’s room.

He knew he was being a bitch. But one Kurusu had already tried prying his nose somewhere it hadn’t belonged- and Goro sure as hell wouldn’t stand by and let it happen twice.

Despite his comically slow limping, Akira didn’t say a word- not an apology, nor an attempt to keep Goro back.

Sure, Goro regretted leaving his food behind like that- and a part of him feared being thrown out again after acting this bitchy. Another part of him believed Akira incapable of actions that would hurt or leave anyone in a pinch- he was such a…goody-two shoes.

Goro kept on brooding in Akira’s room- he heard the front door open and close a few times, but he buried his nose in the continued notes of missed classes and law books.

It was late in the evening, around the time Goro had already changed and fallen into bed that the door to the room was knocked upon, once, twice.

“Just come in. It’s your own room, you dumbass”, he grumbled, murmuring the last part. The door opened slowly, light flooding in from the otherwise dark room. Goro didn’t bother turning his back to Akira, figuring he’d speak up soon anyway.

For a while, there was an uncomfortable silence as Akira slipped in and out, probably changing into his pajamas. However, soon, Goro felt the bed shift a bit under an additional human weight- Akira must have sat down at the edge of the bed. His head hung low, he spoke in a whisper. “I’m sorry, Akechi. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

Goro only grumbled in response.

“I clearly overstepped my line there. I didn’t- mean to pry! I was just- hoping to find out why you were so uncomfortable.”

“I am not.”

Akira laughed, but it was an odd sound- lacking the usual cheer. “Well, if you say so. I can’t force the words out of you. I just- you’re safe with me, you know? I’m sorry. I’m probably overstepping another line by saying this- but I mean it. Don’t be afraid of anything here. You can use the whole apartment as you feel like it- if you want to wash the dishes and your laundry, then I’m not stopping you- so long as you don’t overdo it and don’t risk falling onto your leg for doing so. You can take whatever food we have, even if it means possibly eating away someone’s share- Ryuji does that all the time, actually. No one is ever going to get angry or something.”

Akira took a deep breath. “You don’t have to hide your presence for living with us- I mean sure, if you like sitting and brooding in my room all day, I’m not stopping you. But if you wanna use the TV or, I don’t know, borrow Ryuji’s clothes- go ahead. I’m taking the blame if anyone ever gets angry- but they wouldn’t. Just feel free here to do anything however you want, Akechi. And please let yourself be pampered- if it makes you come off as some selfish bastard that uses his boyfriend like a maid just because he’s hurt, well- I don’t mind.”

In the dark, it was difficult to see, but touch was something that transcended the senses- Goro felt hyperaware of Akira’s hand reaching out for his own, hidden under the blanket. He gently laid his hand onto Goro’s, despite the layer of cloth between them, enveloping his hand and squeezing gently. 

“I feel like I’m always rambling with you, Akechi.”

“Maybe you just like to hear yourself talk.”

Akira laughed, and this time around, his laugh sounded more natural than before. “Are we okay now?”

“I still fail to see the problem. I was perfectly fine and- I still am.” “Hmm…okay. Then let’s say I was apologizing for- ticking you off during dinner. I felt bad for making you rush off like that, but I suppose it wasn’t in my right to stop you if you felt like leaving me.” 

“That was because-“ _You were trying to prod into a territory where your nose didn’t belong to._

“It- doesn’t matter what the reason was. I angered you, and I ruined your appetite- and for that, I am sorry. You’re important to me, you know? I hate to see you upset, and this time around- I was the reason you were upset. So I’m-“

“Urgh, spare me your apologies. I get it. You’re sorry. Can we move on?”

Goro felt Akira’s hand twitch under the cover, drawing back. Argh, this guy- he was clearly hurt now. Or he was feeling miserable, angry- whatever. Goro wasn’t a very empathic person, but he knew uneasiness when it came to Akira.

Either way, it wasn’t something a good boyfriend would do to another, would it?

Goro wasn’t really one for etiquette.

He stirred under the covers, slowly sitting up- then he used his healthy arm to draw Akira closer to him, earning himself a surprised yelp that was muffled as he squished their lips together. It was a rather awkward kiss- one that didn’t really spark any feelings.

It was supposed to make Akira shut up- even though Akira wasn’t one to keep his mouth shut, anyway.

“Soooo…this kiss served what purpose?”

“I just felt like kissing you, that’s all. And maybe shutting you up.”

Akira snickered. “You make me talk more, weirdly- none of your tactics to shut me up will work.” “Will it make you happier if I say I accept your apology and the kiss was supposed to tell you to move on?”

Akira stared, stared, stared- and a small smile blossomed on his lips, one that Goro could see even in the dark. “Well, that wouldn’t be very much your style, would it?”

“Do you take me as an emotional ice brick?”

“No, but…I guess I’m still really insecure about our relationship and- how far I am allowed to go and stuff. Because this still feels really- surreal. And I’m afraid of messing it up all the time- but at the same time, I want to make it work even better- and I’m bound to overstep your boundaries while doing so. Which- well, causes stuff like today to happen.”

Akira leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against Goro’s cheek before pressing an affectionate kiss upon it. “I’m- paralyzed by you, and I want to do something to make you happy- to keep you happier than you were before.”

“Is this what a relationship is about?”

“Well, I guess it depends? On who you are, and what you want to achieve? I mean, people usually find out what their “goal” with one another is as they upkeep their relationship. Until then, everyone’s just- sorta winging it.”

“Then what’s your goal with me, Akira? Because to me, that sounds like an obsessed maniac trying to keep his image of an idol alive”, Goro replied sternly, not bothering to sugarcoat his words.

Akira stared at him, his smile gone now- a sigh escaping his lips. “I told you- I just want us…to be happy together. But I feel like you’re pushing me away sometimes- which is fine- that’s not the issue. Really! If you don’t want to open up about anything, I’m fine with that.”

“Then what bothers you, exactly?”

“The fact that you don’t…say it.”

“Excuse me?” Goro raised an eyebrow, confused.

“My problem isn’t- that you don’t want _say_ you don’t wanna talk about it”, Akira replied, rubbing circles into Goro’s skin. “I’m fine if you say ‘Stop prying, Akira, that’s none of your business.’ But you deflect- you say ‘All is well’ until you literally explode with anger like today. I know most people think I’m crazy for putting up with you- for letting you tell me ‘You see an idol in me, you don’t see me.’ The fact that you agreed to go out- it meant you’re _willing_ to show me more than just your constructed image of the Detective Prince. That’s what I appreciate. And I have patience- to wait for you to open up whenever you feel like it. Be it now or be it in ten years or never.” Akira smiled. “Maybe that makes me a maniac. But I love you, and I’m serious about this- I can’t make it work, however, if you don’t cooperate.”

Akira lifted Goro’s hand, the one he was drawing circles onto- and pressed a chaste kiss to it.

“You make yourself seem like an obedient dog if you say stuff like that.”

There was an enigmatic smile on Akira’s face. “Maybe. I like to see myself as your devoted knight, however. More romantic, right? The cold prince and his loyal knight. Thesis- and antithesis. One stagnates without the other, right?” Akira flashed Goro a smile, one that he couldn’t reciprocate in the dark.

Akira continued, undeterred: “Why should I care, what other people think? The only thing that matters in our relationship is our own opinion. Yours, and mine. And I’m fine with you not trusting me with, let’s say, your personal story. But…”

Akira gently turned Goro’s hand around, lifting it to caress his cheek, and if it hadn’t been for the darkness, he’d see the loving look in his eyes, “I’m not fine with you lying to me- I want you to tell me to back off if needed.”

“You’re- obsessed. Really. I can’t imagine that’s healthy.” Goro didn’t know what he was saying- he just knew he had to say something, but it wasn’t going to be agreement. It was odd- why Goro’s voice went all choked up, how he felt like someone was slowly pulling out the air in his lungs while simultaneously drowning him into a deep part of the sea as he was confronted with Akira’s undying love.

He was thrown into an ocean, and forgot how to swim.

Akira chuckled, letting go of Goro’s hand that had previously fixed it into place, but it stayed right where it was- the detective felt an invisible power hold it there, and though it was dark, there was a captivating look in Akira’s eyes, burning into Goro’s soul and binding him- right on spot.

He didn’t even realize he leaned in closer, until Akira posed another question:

“And…you’re not? Obsessed with me?”

Goro shut him up with a kiss- a slow and languid one, that claimed every inch of his soul, that sucked him breathless. The room heated up, the heat growing unbearable with every additional second that their lips remained attached to one another, until Goro couldn’t hold it out anymore and gently pushed Akira back- just far enough for Goro to rest his head in the crook of Akira’s neck.

He closed his eyes, breathing in the air that had been granted to him- and he imagined the smell of coffee mingling somewhere.

“Hmmmm…was that really a proper answer, Akechi?”

“Shut up”, Goro mumbled into Akira’s neck, his lips dancing along the raven’s skin.

“I do need an answer, or else this whole situation was pretty much useless, you know?”

“You also said you were willing to wait forever for me to open up to you.”

“That’s sly, Akechi.” There was a hand caressing his hair, and it took a bit of his willpower not to swat it away.

“Being sly is in my nature. I am a real detective, have you forgotten? Not a prince. Not your ludicrous imagination of what you think I am.” “True.” “And my senses are telling me you have an extremely masochistic core. Additional to being a madman.”

“Hm, what should I say? I don’t mind being a masochistic lunatic for you.”

“Yeah, you’re clearly obsessed, you maniac.”

“Do you mind? Besides, everyone’s a little obsessed for the one they love, don’t you think?”

Goro didn’t answer.

Was it wrong for him, to secretly want someone- anyone- that loved him as unconditionally as this guy seemed to? It seemed like Akira was trespassing into borderline obsessed territory- and Goro couldn’t imagine that was healthy, for neither of them.

But then again, Akira had always done the unexpected. Like raise up against Goro in the first place to challenge his attention. Trying to tie him into his circle of friends. Accepting him into his home without even asking when Goro was going get his ass up and move out.

As much as Akira was obsessed with him, it seemed like he was trying to rope Goro in to feel the same way.

“How could you even love someone so strongly- that doesn’t even whisper you sweet nothings, that doesn’t seem to trust you. Who’s nothing but mean and snarky to you? You’re simply mad. This- it’s…” Goro’s words died on his lips. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He didn’t even know what he was trying to prove in the first place, as Akira’s lips were trailing along his earlobe, gently prodding with his tongue, biting softly with his teeth.

It made Goro’s breath hitch.

“Well- you asked me what my goal was, right?” “Mhm.”

“I’m just gonna turn you into the same madman that I am- and I’m going to make you fall so hard for me, you’ll acquiesce that masochistic vein on your own.”

Goro didn’t know what to say to that.

“Ah, but you will tell me your thoughts from now on, won’t you?” Arms crept around Goro’s waist, laying him back down against the bed sheets- Akira had paid special attention to lay him on his back, so that neither his arm nor his leg would be hurt or entrapped. The raven himself was looming over Goro all of a sudden, his arms stemmed next to Goro’s head, entrapping him oh so similarly like someone else. Akira’s legs, however, weren’t enclosing Goro’s body entirely- one of them was boldly situated right between Goro’s legs, awfully close to…well.

Akira’s face was barely visual in the dark, hiding that stupid mole oh-so-conveniently. The raven leaned in for another kiss- and when Goro reciprocated, he knew things would be going south really fast.

At least his blood was.

Akira’s tongue requested entry, and while it couldn’t quite compare to the kisses Goro had once received from Ren, it still elicited a low groan from the back of his throat as Akira’s tongue danced along with his own. Goro’s hand shot out, tugging Akira closer with a brutal yank by his hair, and the raven reacted by letting out a primal growl.

When he pulled away, Goro didn’t feel ashamed to let out a disappointed whine. The darkness cloaked Goro’s face, but Akira’s eyes still saw the pout appear- and he was _so_ pleased by it.

Akira let his thumb swish over Goro’s lips, and the latter boldly answered by capturing the tip of his finger with his lips, sucking it in and letting his tongue twirl around it. Goro obviously noticed the full-body shiver that befell Akira, and how his breathing grew more ragged- even though Goro had no idea what he was even doing, acting out of pure instinct.

He released Akira’s thumb with a pop, pressing a small kiss to it before Akira drew his hand back entirely, a hungry look in his eyes.

“Akechi, I don’t want to go too far, you know?” The raven’s whisper were lost in the darkness as Goro pulled him in again for a short, passionate kiss. Akira rested his forehead against Goro’s own, and even the darkness couldn’t hide the erratic rise and fall of his chest, neither the passionate look in his eyes.

“And how, tell, would you go too far?” Goro boldly questioned, his hand still entangled in Akira’s hair.

“Well”, the other breathed out, the hot air kissing Goro’s face, “I really- got in the mood, in case you haven’t noticed. But I told you I’d hold myself back, until you’re fully healed, you know?”

“Ah, right. Well. Didn’t you also admit to being my obedient dog?” Goro harshly tugged on Akira’s hair, earning himself a small whine.

“I’m your knight”, the raven replied, a little breathless, “Not your dog.”

Goro rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You’re responsible for this. So you need to tell me what exactly is going on in your head.” He smirked. “Communication is key, correct? Didn’t you just hold me an entire speech about that?”

“You’re so evil.”

“I might be.”

Akira giggled. “I was just thinking it’d be a shame to jack you off without being able to see your face for the first time. Or, well. If you were even fine with me doing that. Tell me.”

“It kills the mood if you talk too much.”

Akira shook with laughter. “Consent doesn’t kill the mood, Akechi. Rape does. Do you _want_ me to jack you off in the dark, Akechi?” “I’d much prefer it, really. Also, you keep saying my name too much.”

“You sure?” 

Goro felt like slapping the guy. “If you don’t take care of the problem down there real soon, I’ll be forced to do it myself.”

“Ah, but…we can’t have that, can we?”

Goro smirked. “Certainly not.”

“Alright…just tell me, if you feel uncomfortable. Or you want to-“ “I’ll tape your freaking mouth shut if you don’t get to it soon.” “Aw, is that any way to make demands, Akechi?”

There was a hand on Goro’s stomach now, but it wasn’t moving, kept behind an invisible wall by Goro’s pajamas- _Ren’s pajamas._

Goro wanted nothing more than to burn the wall down.

Instead, he taunted on. “What, you know my erection won’t just go away by you- ah.” Goro’s mind went blank as something firm and hard pressed against his groin- Akira’s knee had found its way up, pressing softly, then firmly against his growing erection.

“Wow, you’re really hard, huh”, Akira mumbled, completely in a daze.

“I keep- telling- you-ah- that!” Goro pressed out, as Akira relieved him from the pressure of his knee, only to come back and press even stronger, time after time again.

“Your reactions are really amusing, ‘Kechi…”

“Shut up and-get to it.”

“As you wish.”

“And get that stupid grin off your face. I can hear it, even if I can’t see it.” “Ah, that- I can’t really do, honestly.”

“Oh but you will-“ Goro held his breath as slender fingers trailed down his stomach, first creeping under his loose pants and then- gently lifting the elastic of his boxers as a different, a foreign hand than Goro’s own disappeared under the material.

“You worry about other things.” Akira’s lips were near his ear again, his hot breath caressing his ear. Akira bit down on his helix as Goro’s erection was enveloped in a firm grip, and he couldn’t hold back the gasp escaping his lips.

“You’re so honest.” Languid fingers caressed his sensitive skin, but the grip around the base didn’t loosen, and Goro wondered how on earth people didn’t lose their damn mind when doing this.

Because he kinda was.

Akira began pumping slowly, up and down, up and down, smearing the precum leaking from Goro’s tip along with the trail of his hand, and Goro’s breathing grew more erratic than before, his chest constricting and his cheeks burning with shame- and yet, the feeling was weirdly- exhilarating. Any thoughts occupying Goro’s mind were slowly disappearing, a fog enveloping him, a white haze that didn’t let him think.

Akira was still whispering sweet nothings in his ear, unrelenting. “You sound so vulnerable. Can you hear yourself? Your mewls? I wonder if anyone else has ever heard you like this. I’d be really jealous if they did, you know?”

Akira’s free hand had sneaked under his own boxers, seeking relief from the reactions he was causing Goro to show- and, in turn, caused himself to feel, his boxers making him feel oh-so-constricted.

Goro tried turning his head sideways, trying to drown out his choked breaths and his small gasps, but Akira was not having it.

“Ah, ah, ah- no turning away now.” He released the grip on Goro’s dick, earning himself a protesting growl in return.

“Well, if you want me to continue- by all means. Let me hear you.”

“Someone could overhear-”

“Yusuke hasn’t come home yet, and Ryuji went out for a nightly run- he does that from time to time, you know? And he usually comes back really late.”

“If any of them- even only jokingly talk about this, I’ll- slaughter all of you.”

The raven, the cursed, cursed man- he chuckled. “Stop thinking so much. It doesn’t do you good. A shame I can’t see your face properly, though.” His hand gripped Goro’s shaft again and he sped up, setting a higher pace, and it made Goro come oh-so-close- closer, to a white fog completely taking over his mind, making his problems disappear, the _world_ disappear- and he was so close to coming, so close, his whines grew more desperate and louder, subtle tears glistening in the corner of his eyes-

“Kurusu”, he choked out,

and then,

those lips by his ear, they whispered: “I love you”

and

“Also, I told you to call me Akira, dummy.”

And then Goro’s world came crashing down on him.

Not in the good way.

He felt his chest constrict, the air fleeing out of his lunges as he saw red, screaming bloody murder, and he didn’t realize he had literally _kicked_ Akira in the gut and shoved him off the bed until his ears picked up a painful yowl.

Goro was still breathing heavily, holding his head in his hands as he watched his chest rise and fall erratically, paying no mind to the person on the ground. Fuck, fuck. Fuck. What just- happened. What the fuck?

Goro couldn’t catch a single coherent thought and yet, too many thoughts swiveled around in his head- no, not thoughts, emotions- calling, screaming, yelling at him- he didn’t know what was happening, he didn’t know where he had spiraled out of control, didn’t know why he’d done something wrong. He wanted to storm out of the room- puke his emotions out, if possible, as the room began spinning around him, as the darkness mocked him and his foolishness-

Suddenly, there was a blaring light invading his senses, shocking him anew- and he stopped breathing for a moment, unsure what had happened until he lifted his head, his gaze meeting a raven’s-

The wrong one.

Akira looked like the epitome of what you’d call debauched, looking disheveled and wild and thoroughly wrecked – but, most importantly, extremely concerned.

“Akechi?”

He came closer, hoping to give comfort, to calm Goro down from- whatever he was suffering under. What had gone wrong? Hadn’t they both been enjoying themselves, until- well, right before they both hit that excruciating peak?

Goro would have buried his head in his knees if he had been able to move as he wanted, but instead, he had to settle to bury his head on one single knee- his hands covered his ears, hoping to drown out the barrage of emotion flooding down on him all at once. Unfortunately, they were coming from the inside, not the outside.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He had fucked up.

Oh no, he had fucked up.

“Akechi? Hey, can you hear me? Give me some sort of sign- won’t you?”

“Get out.”

Akira didn’t move, until Goro started yelling into his direction. “Get out!”

And so, the raven scurried out- not without looking back concernedly, repeatedly, desperate for some sort of explanation- something that told him to stop and come back, to say this was just awkward panic from being seen so vulnerable. The mood had been amazingly good, hadn’t it?

But he wasn’t stopped.

He didn’t turn off the lights as he left, afraid it would make Goro fall into deeper panic than before. He closed the door behind him, blocking out any sight of his boyfriend, and he slid down onto the ground, knocking his head back against the door.

Whatever he had done, he’d fucked up- at least of that he could be sure.

Ah, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats even more and hides behind the bush*  
> Originally, I had this chapter planned out longer, but I was afraid it'd make the impact of the end disappear. I wonder if you know why Goro suddenly panicked?  
> The next chapter is Akira's POV hoooo boooyy


	25. Interlude: The Chariot and the Sun go hand in hand; what would one be without the other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interludes are always so short lol. I still hope you enjoy!

Ryuji came home feeling quite refreshed-the nightly run had done him quite good. However, his happy mood immediately took a turn for the sour when he entered their shared apartment and spotted the miserable image of his best friend sitting by his own bedroom door, barely holding back his tears.

The blonde wasn’t a mind reader, but he could smell trouble a mile away. Wordlessly, he hauled his friend up- Akira barely resisted- and dragged both of them into his room, shutting the door behind them.

“Dude, what’s up?”

Akira didn’t meet his gaze.

“Buddy, come on. Does it have anything to do with Akechi? I doubt he can hear us talking from my room- our walls might not be the thickest, but they are pretty soundproof.”

His friend sighed, running a hand through his hair- it seemed pretty disheveled.

“I don’t…actually know.”

“What do you mean, bro?” “Well, uh. I had a small fight with Akechi today, and then I tried making up later- which somehow…evolved into a make-out-session.”

Ryuji’s face contorted. “Ugh, okay, uh, spare me the details, okay? Not interested in hearing about couples enjoying themselves.” “Hadn’t been planning on that. It’s just that- it was all…fine and well. It was good, really. But then Akechi gutted me into the solar plexus and threw me off the bed.”

Ryuji would have laughed had it not been for the misery portrayed in his friend’s face. “Uh, isn’t he, like, hurt? I mean, you’re not a lightweight bro, so how-“ “I don’t know. I don’t know, okay! All I know is he was suddenly in a panic and threw me out of the room and I left and- I fucked up, but I don’t even know where. Or how, or why. Urgh. Ryujiiiii”, the raven whined, throwing himself against his friend and burying his head against his chest.

“I bet he hates me now!”

Ryuji sighed, patting his friend on the head. “I doubt he hates you, ‘Kira. I think he might need some time or some shit- dude, I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life, I don’t know how shit works- so I might not be the one to run for advice for. But you just gotta be patient and- not give up. I think? I don’t really know, bro, but maybe the smartass Detective Prince suddenly panicked when it became- urgh- too intimate or something. He doesn’t strike me as the type who’s had many relationships, despite all the girls flocking after him. You should go and talk to him about it.”

“I tried, but- he wouldn’t let me.” There was desperation in Akira’s voice.

“Well, how long has it been since you tried? Try again, bud.”

His friend let out a whine, muffled by Ryuji’s shirt. “I just wanted him to relax and have a good time- I’ve done enough mistakes during the day.” “Uh, yeah, as I said: no details-“ “He looked so adorable when I stroked-“ “Yikes! Stop, stop, no, buddy, don’t do this to me, really, urgh, oh ew, ew. Now I’m never gonna get the image out of my head. Ahhhhhh, curse you!”

This elicited a small laugh out of the raven. “Sorry, Ryuji. Didn’t mean to traumatize you.” “Urgh, urgh, it’s fine, really, just- don’t ever go into details ever again. Ewwwwww.” “Apparently Ann talked to him about me being sex-deprived or some shit.”

“How does she even _do_ that!?” “She’s a girl. Maybe she just likes to imagine two guys having a little fun with each other-“ “Yeah, maybe, possibly, but uh- I’m not into that! I think?! So uh. Stop?!”

Slowly, both boys broke into muffled laughter. “For real, Akira- I don’t think Akechi is upset with you. I get the feeling he’s really awkward- you know he still pretends not to watch me play from time to time even though I told him he’s free to do that! That I’d actually think it’s more enjoyable to have an audience. But he still hasn’t grown adjusted to that, so- maybe he just realized he was a bit overwhelmed when you uhhhhhhhh. You know. Made out. Urgh. He’s somewhat similar to all the problem kids we deal with- maybe he has a hard time letting his emotion out, and when they do- he becomes overwhelmed and panics, because it’s so foreign to him. At least, that’s how the pre-teens minds’ work.”

Ryuji cheerfully patted his friend on the shoulder. “If you want, you can crash at mine or Yusuke’s room for now and talk about it tomorrow. But I bet he’s gonna reach out for you sometime soon. Oh, let’s go watch the UFC match! I think there are a few newcomers fighting tonight!”

And so, the two boys dragged themselves into the living room and threw on the TV, albeit minding the volume. Soon, however, Akira had to raise his voice anew.

“Ryuji. You know I love you, right?” “Mhm?”

“But you stink.”

“Ohhh, yeah, right, I didn’t get to shower-“ “I realized it earlier when we were in the room, but I was occupied with thinking about Akechi. But now? You really have to go and get rid of that smell, bro.” Ryuji sniffled one of his armpits- and immediately recoiled. “Props to you for holding out for so long. Good thing the match’s over. I’ll be back soon, my friend! Just don’t panic without me.” “I’ll manage, don’t worry.” “Suuuuure.” Ryuji threw him a look as he got up and left, leaving Akira alone with his thoughts.

Not for long, however. Soon, Akira heard another sound alongside the sounds of the shower running, a familiar and quiet ‘clack-clack’ resounding as crutches hit the ground.

Goro was staring at the ground, his hair obscuring the view of his face- how dearly did Akira wish to push it away right now.

Even as the Detective Prince spoke up, he didn’t lift his gaze. “You should probably come and sleep in your room.”

Akira’s heart skipped a beat- a bit excited at the promise of making up.

“I won’t make you uncomfortable?” he asked instead.

Goro sneered. “It’s your room- even if it did, I hardly have the right to hoard it like my own. Don’t be ridiculous, Akira.”

The raven slowly got up and approached Goro, the latter incredibly tense as Akira reached out and swept his bangs away, finally getting a good view of his face. His eyes were a bit red, and his mouth turned down, a sullen look on his face.

It warmed Akira’s heart to see the emotionally-constipated man reach out like this. “Hey. I’m sorry for-“ “Urgh, don’t apologize, Akira. Let’s not-“

“No, we need to speak about it”, Akira objected gently. “For both of our sake. Whoever was at fault or wasn’t- something went wrong, didn’t it?”

Goro remained quiet, refusing to lift his gaze. Akira smiled on, undeterred. “Hey, Akechi?” “What?” “You know I don’t mind backing off when it comes to sexual activity, right? I told you I can be a patient man if I want to.” “This doesn’t have anything to do with that. It was my fault- I just-“

“No”, Akira caressed Goro’s lips with his finger, the latter flaming red in response, “I’m pretty sure it was my fault. Or, well, if it makes you happier- let’s just put the blame on both of us, how about it?”

“…I suppose that could be arranged.” “Good. So, let’s…take it slower from now on, won’t we?” “We don’t really have to-“ “Hmm, then we’ll adjust with time. I just don’t want another awkward thing to happen.” “Well, there wouldn’t be any awkwardness left if you just came and slept in your room again.”

Akira hummed. “Hey?” “What?”

“Can I kiss you, Akechi?”

The detective sighed exasperatedly, but there was a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Whatever. Go ahead.”

It was a sweet, short kiss- sweet, because anything to do with Goro was downright adorable- short, because as their lips lingered, the shower sounds had long but disappeared, replaced instead by a screaming Ryuji. “Hey, Akira, did you- woah! Guys! Urgh! Can you keep it in your room at least!?”

Akira was still laughing when they fell into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked exploring Akira's and Ryuji's friendship a bit more. I hope you did, too! Ryuji is too precious for the world.
> 
> How do you like the end of a uhhhh more spicy scene? Seriously I'm sorry if the spice was terrible, I'm more used to reading and not writing myself xD Even after editing, I still feel very critical about the scene altogether, but I hope I didn't end up writing a bunch of mush that you couldn't follow at all lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading so far! We've reached 100k lmao insane. Really insane. Hopefully my editing skills speed up sometime lol. You know I sound like a broken record by now, but leave a comment or a kudo whenever you feel like!!! I always appreciate ;)


	26. The fool learns of family; what's it entail, a mystery (to him? to whom?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips tea* ah yes, fluff and angst

Goro got a lot of looks as he returned to university. The convenient lie of a dangerous case hurting him earned him a few pitying looks- and even more get-well-soon presents that he all threw into the trash as soon as nobody could spot him anymore. Or only Akira, who wore a bemused face once he’d explained how he’d been poisoned once and swore to himself he’d never touch any presents from strangers again. Sadly, Akira did coax out of him that Goro had indeed consumed every single meal he’d been served by his boyfriend- leaving the latter with a big smile on his face, radiating way too much happy energy during the day.

The detective usually travelled along with Akira in the morning, keeping up with light banter and chattering as they made their way through classes, ever so inseparable- and of course, Akira took extra care of Goro whenever possible, even scaring away some very annoying and insistent fangirls with his glare.

Goro was oddly thankful for the new bodyguard, albeit was he annoyed as well. He didn’t need to be watched around the clock, thank you very much- but he also _liked_ being the center of someone else’s world.

Was this what it was like to be loved?

University was less annoying than getting back into work- Sae raised her eyebrows at his injured leg, and her eyebrows rose even higher when Goro explained he’d fallen down the stairs because he’d been pushed. His wrist, luckily, had almost healed completely- though he hadn’t visited Tae to check up on it at all.

Most of his coworkers sneered at him, some murmuring ‘That’s what you get for acting all highty-mighty like that’ in a poor imitation of his own words- but the general resentment and ill will wasn’t something new anyway.

Though it did keep him on his toes now- someone trying to trip him up would possibly end up worse than before.

It was tiring, somehow, to give his best and pay attention to work, as well as keep an eye on his coworkers. No one had picked up his workload of the past two weeks, meaning he had to give twice his best despite being injured and weak.

Well, life had never been gentle to him anyway.

He’d also have to ask Akira for help to move his belongings out of his apartment- and confess he didn’t really have a place to stay while at it. But what kind of lie could he serve up, anyway? ‘I love living at your house so much, I quit and decided to stay forever?’

Goro shuddered at that. Nope, no way. He’d rather drop dead than say that.

By the time night had fallen and he was on his way back to the apartment, he was ready to drop dead- he didn’t care much about food, of course, but Akira insisted he come and eat with the rest of the merry troupe.

“Was work fine today?” his boyfriend asked in-between munches. Today, Akira had prepared sushi and rice.

“Well, it was like it’s always been. People’s ugly feelings really come through when you’re weak and injured, I suppose. Makes them feel more superior.”

“Dude, what the fuck? They lookin’ down on you? I thought you were, like, really respected for your age ‘n shit?” Ryuji mumbled, spitting out some of the rice alongside.

Goro shook his head. “That might be what the media portrays, but my colleagues hate me. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me- but being portrayed as someone ‘young’ and ‘talented’ and ‘handsome’ irks your twenty-year older colleagues, I suppose. The only person that’s ever truly respected me for who I was would be Miss Nijima, I suppose.”

“That’s fucked up, bro. I’m sorry.” Ryuji dove in for another sushi.

Goro merely shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

Akira, who had been quiet until now, piped up. “I don’t think it’s only because of the media, Akechi. Well, that might add to it, but it’s not all, you know? You really are talented, atop of being young and handsome. I think they’re envious not because you’re a media darling, but because you’re all- you. Because anything they say about you is the usually the truth. I mean…” Akira grinned, “Everything except being a friendly gentleman, that is.”

Ryuji choked on his food as he suppressed his laughter, and even Goro had a small smile on his face. “Well, that just goes to show how wrong the media’s portrayal about you can be, doesn’t it?”

Even though the topic changed swiftly, Goro’s heart had warmed up at the compliment.

Weird. He’d never given much about anyone’s opinion.

The stupid law student seemed to be growing on him.

Maybe now, while everyone had gathered, it was a good moment to let the bomb drop about his apartment. He did need to act fast, anyway- he had received a text message this morning by his former landlord that if he didn’t go and get his items by the end of the week, they’d be donated to the next tenant.

Slowly, Goro opened his mouth, unsure of how to begin. “So, uh”, he threw into the round as everyone had paused talking, “There…might be a slight problem I encountered in private life as well.”

Immediately, he had the attention of three pair of eyes. Akira’s glimmered concernedly, Ryuji’s were narrowed as if in thought, and Yusuke- well, Goro wasn’t sure Yusuke was following the conversation at all, to be frank.

“Apparently, I’d forgotten to prolong my apartment’s contract, causing my landlord to put up my home for rent again. He told me to get my belongings by the end of this week, because he’d already found someone else to move in- and I sadly can’t revoke his decision. Now, I obviously don’t plan to stay here forever, I just-“

“But you can”, Akira interrupted, a firm look in his eyes. “I don’t think anyone minds you staying here for a bit longer, really.”

Ryuji scratched his head. “I wouldn’t mind you staying here for longer, I guess. I mean, we’ve just gotten to be bros! Maybe you could introduce me to some hot chicks once you’ve healed up-“ Akira rammed his elbow in Ryuji’s side, making him howl.

“Bro! Fine! I get it! No need to get aggressive! Alright, so truth be told, I can’t imagine you living here forever because- I don’t really wanna walk in on you guys making out _ever_ again, and I think Akira would love spending the night somewhere you two have your own privacy- and that he’d, uh, _definitely_ need that privacy once you’re all healed up ‘n shit- but I don’t have anything in general against you staying longer.”

With that, Ryuji’s attention was back on his food again. “Oh- and you obviously can’t get your shit from your apartment in your current condition, but I think if we gather everyone- Morgana and his car included- it shouldn’t take long, right? We could move the furniture into Ann’s temporarily, and clothes ‘n shit should fit in there. We could rent a bigger car while we’re at it.”

It was Yusuke’s turn to raise his voice. “I don’t really have anything against the idea, either. You’ve been giving me more artistic inspiration, anyway- and I do appreciate reveling in that for a while longer. The sight of a young couple making out on the couch-“ “Uh, Yusuke, we never did that-“ “-It spurs on your creativity, to witness such pure love.” “Okay, but don’t stalk on us, Yusuke, buddy, alright?! I don’t _like_ being stalked, okay?”

Well, Akira’s twin could tell him a load of that.

Goro was still stunned at the incredible openness with which he’d been accepted- even though he hadn’t even wanted that. He just wanted someone to help him move his shit, possibly to, well. Anywhere. Not request a prolonged stay.

Or be welcomed with open arms like that.

“Akechi, there’s also no way I’d have let you move back as long as you aren’t fully healed, anyway. I know your bad habits of not eating- if you don’t eat the nutrients that your body needs to recover, you’d probably end up being involved in another case and hurt yourself even more. It’s pretty convenient to have you by my side like this, because I can keep track of what you eat and don’t- and I get to spend time with my precious boyfriend. It’s a win-win, no matter how you look at it.”

Akira’s smile was bright- too bright. So was Ryuji’s laughter, as he went on about how much of a mother hen Akira was, and a completely unfamiliar feeling rose up in Goro’s chest- something he couldn’t quite explain, something precious and rare and fickle.

He’d never had a place to stay. Heck, no one had ever told him he was welcome as much as the three boys here had- despite the fact that Goro ate away their food, that Goro didn’t pay rent, that he was basically smooching off of them- no one had ever dared to say something. No one had ever even joked of throwing him out already, but maybe that would come- someday, sometime, when they grew sick of him and decided to discard of him like so many other people had. But for now, it seemed like they _disliked_ the idea of him moving out, for whatever reason there was- and they didn’t wish Goro to be stranded on the streets.

Yusuke threw him an enigmatic smile, closing his eyes as he said: “I think it has been quite a joy to have you here. I haven’t gotten to know you as well as the others, I’m afraid, and I would like to use the opportunity a little longer. Please, keep lightening up the atmosphere in our small home for a bit more.”

 _Our_ home?

Well, it obviously didn’t include Goro, did it?

The feeling that had steadily risen in his chest constricted- and Goro felt like he was suffocated. He’d never known what this alien feeling was- he’d felt it briefly, often, when he’d cried his heart out with Ren, when Ren had taken him in- but not long enough to linger, not long enough to put a finger on it and call it a name.

Not long enough for it to burn him up from the inside.

His eyes fell upon the huge picture frame hung in the living room, a frame that spelled ‘Family’. It had been filled with pictures from Akira and his friends, but recently, someone must have taken a snap when Akira and Goro had been eating pizza- Goro looking rather puzzled at how vulgar Akira was devouring the thing, challenging Goro to do the same. There was another picture next to it, in where Goro looked extremely silly- his mouth was smeared with tomato sauce, bits of pieces of food stuck onto his face and scattered around- even on his nose- but Akira held up the piece of pizza in his hands, motioning Goro to keep taking bites. The ugly sneer Goro had given off back then had transformed into a surprised laugh on the picture, his eyes scrunched together and the corner of his mouth turned upwards, his cheeks turned pink.

He looked…happy.

Needless to say, Yusuke had also already hung up sketches of Goro inside the apartment, albeit only under his strict permission and after checking them off- sketches of when Goro was reading a book, eating, watching TV- mundane, everyday things. There were also sketches where Yusuke had let his imagination grown wild and drawn coupley-activites between him and Akira, from going out onto dates to making out- on the couch, yeah.

Goro hadn’t allowed those to be hung up, and Yusuke insisted he take any sketches he liked in particular. It was only the proper compensation, he said.

The fact that Goro hoarded all those sketches he didn’t allow to be hung up remained a secret between the artist and himself.

Goro didn’t even realize there were tears dropping from his eyes until Ryuji let out a surprised yelp and his face was smothered by a heavy, sturdy chest, obstructing his view, arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him close. “Do tell me if I’m suffocating you, ‘Kechi. Don’t want you to choke on the food and die.” “Yusuke, stop pulling out your sketchbook!” “But, Ryuji- the soft warmth and the intimacy as the lover cries and the other tries to comfort him- it enraptures me! I need to capture-“ “Buddy, not now! Read the atmosphere, dude!”

As the background fight grew louder, Goro’s tears begun to dry, a soft hum vibrating in Akira’s chest. As much as Goro wanted to flee in humiliation, his broken leg hindered him on doing exactly that.

For the first time in his life, Goro didn’t feel resentment about being hurt.

Sometime after his tears had dried and Ryuji had apparently wrestled Yusuke to his room, Goro shook his head against Akira’s chest.

His boyfriend drew back with a smile on his face, sitting down next to him. The embarrassment of being seen so vulnerable crept up Goro’s bones, making him shudder. “The food was sort of spicy. Too spicy”, he added, lamely.

Akira leaned back against him, letting his head loll onto Goro’s shoulder. “Mhm. I remember how you ended up trying to storm into the bathroom when I served you spicy takoyaki and you’d accidentally ate the one I wanted to make Ryuji eat in vengeance for forgetting to hang up the laundry.”

“Your anger is certainly not to be underestimated.”

Akira’s body shook against him, soft laughter rippling through his body. “Yeah, and that was how I learned never to serve you anything spicy again.”

Goro made a non-committal sound, afraid he’d end up spilling tears again. He found it weird, how Akira wasn’t prodding- or why he’d begun to cry. He never asked questions- no, rather, he didn’t question Goro’s odd behavior.

Such unconditional trust- it had to be too good to be true.

“Ahh, it’s such a shame your leg’s broken, though.” “Why, do tell, exactly again?”

“Well, I’d love to cuddle in the same bed with you tonight, y’know? And I kinda miss being able to do that. I mean, not like I’ve ever done that before, but. The idea’s nice. Restrain yourself, or you’ll make his recovery worse- that’s what I keep telling myself, you know? But it’s sooooo hard. Sooooo. Hard. I want compensation as soon as you’re fully healed, you’re aware? All the soft cuddles and late night pillow talks as soon as you’re off the crutches.”

“And…you’re not going to question why I ended up spilling tears?”

Akira shrugged, capturing Goro’s gaze with his dreamy eyes. “You said the food was spicy- so that’s what I’ll tell Ryuji and Yusuke, too.”

In the evening, when Goro was tucked into bed- Goro telling Akira off what a big mother hen he was and how Ryuji was right- Akira pressed a quick kiss to his forehead, mumbling something into his skin. “You’re part of the family now, ‘Kechi. And you’ll always have a place to stay- right here. Pinky promise.”

Neither of them commented the wet pillow in the morning, as Goro had spilled more tears when the sun had disappeared and when it had risen, announcing a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Yusuke is sooooo adorable. And I can also tell you he never tells a soul about how many sketches Goro greedily collects. I wonder why? ;)


	27. What does the emperor think of the fool? What does the fool think of the emperor? What hath this bring forth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of my favorites. Only minor Canon divergence ahead.  
> Enjoy!

One particular day, Goro had been called in for work during university hours- and despite being rather reluctant, he left with Akira’s parting promise that he’d receive detailed notes of all his lessons upon returning home.

When he’d arrived at the precinct, he quickly found out he’d been pranked- sort of. The chief told him to go home and wait for new instructions, despite the fact that Goro hadn’t even received any information why he’d gotten an emergency call in the first place. The idea that his coworkers wanted to see him struggle while injured occurred to him, and that they’d wanted to tease him. He felt rage well up inside him, but years of suffering had taught him to hide his feelings behind a polite nod and a saccharine smile.

Returning to the apartment- Akira had made him a spare key, the insufferable idiot- he still hadn’t calmed down, not noticing he’d barreled into the wrong room until he accidentally kicked something out of place when moving alongside his crutches.

It was then he’d noticed he was not in Akira’s room at all- there was an odd smell in the air, the one you got from using specific paints. Judging from the amount of paintings and canvases, he had accidentally stumbled his way into Yusuke’s territory. The room was filled with artistic equipment, even the bed had been covered under hordes of sketchbooks and the like, making it almost impossible to maneuver through. But Goro had made his way in regardless, fuming with rage-

-and kicked something away. Oh no!

In a panic, Goro slowly dropped himself to the ground- using his rear to move where he’d possibly destroyed something, paying attention not to kick something else away or worse- sit on something. He hoped Yusuke wouldn’t get angry for storming into his room and even touching his artworks.

Apparently, Goro hadn’t kicked away just one, but scattered around a bundle of paintings. Slowly, he gathered them all up, peeking onto every single one of them. They seemed to share a theme- the paintings depicted splotches of colors, all mixed up in a destructible manner at first. Then, however, they transformed- giving way to two silhouettes, one of them a small child painted in white with black splotches, and another taller figure in gold, reaching out his hand. The painting evolved on, the child growing up and adding more and more colors, as the tall figure watched over him- still painted in gold, unapproachable. Then, oddly, as the child started painting pictures, the tall figure changed colors- at first, it was still kept in warm, friendly ones, but as the child grew older and older- reverting to clad himself completely black with white splotches now. The tall figure adjusted to the chaotic colors the first painting had depicted in its whole, growing even taller.

In one painting, the child figure- now resembling an older teenager- showed his paintings off to the tall figure, a few warm colors added to its black-and-white ensemble.

The next painting depicted the same situation, with the teenager growing older and older, but as such did the tall man- his violent colors begin to bleed all over the picture, even tainting the child, right until the next picture- where you had an almost exact copy of the first painting Goro had held in his hands.

And then the following painting was painted completely in black.

The last one- Goro assumed it was the last one at least-was again a swivel of chaotic colors. This time, depicting the young adult on his own, staring longingly up the bizarre sky, held in the colors of the former tall man, with the colors tainted in a golden hue.

Goro was oddly fascinated by the mysterious story of the paintings, so much that he didn’t even pay attention as the door to the room opened until Yusuke had quietly sat down next to him and thrown a glance at the paintings in Goro’s hands. Goro startled- afraid he’d be yelled at for intruding someone’s room, messing it up and even just taking whatever he felt like- but Yusuke only hummed.

“Ah, those. How unfortunate. I thought I’d ridden myself of them a long time ago.”

Goro politely tried handing over the stack of paintings to the artist, but Yusuke merely shook his head. “I don’t mind you looking at my paintings, if that’s what you’re afraid of, Akechi. Rather, I hope I didn’t bore you- this one was, well. A failed project of some sort, I suppose. A way to try and cope with my feelings by speaking through the language I can express best- but alas, I failed spectacularly.”

Both men remained quiet for a while, and Goro hesitantly went through the stack of paintings anew. He felt- like it was speaking to his heart, even though he didn’t even know what the story was about, except the child growing up and the adult trying to- gobble him? Yet, it touched a part of Goro’s icy heart, partly melting away his inner walls and leaving him oddly…vulnerable.

“Do you mind…explaining?”

“I don’t mind sharing in particular. But I will warn you that you will be rather bored, I think. It’s nothing as interesting or dramatic. Just my own self not being able to deal with matters of the heart.”

“That does sound interesting, though.”

Yusuke chuckled.

“Once, there was a time- where the world had abandoned me, and left me to fetch on my own. My oldest memory is…growing up with Ichiryusai Madarame.”

Goro held his breath. Of course he’d stumbled upon the name- how could he not, in his position? Madarame had been a successful, even world-famous artist. Until his actual crimes had come to light: fraud, exploiting young talented artists, plagiarism, abuse of children even up to young adults whom he’d forced to draw paintings he then sold as his own, keeping them like pigs: barely feeding them or giving them proper places to sleep, keeping them chained to him with promises of making them famous one day. He also exerted blackmail.

Madarame had profited immensely from the amount of people he’d abused and mistreated over the years- making him the same scum Shido was. Goro had been filled with nothing but resentment and hatred as it had all come out- several files of audio and video clips, depicting those exact actions or conversations appearing from out of nowhere. Reporters claimed they were handed over by a trustable source. It had been a huge case roughly a year ago, covering the headlines for weeks and months as investigations and the case proved to be long and difficult. It was hard to put such a powerful man in the art world behind bars- Goro had done little to contribute, as he wasn’t specialized in art theft and their business, and- well, Shido had had an odd interest in keeping Madarame.

So Goro, in fear of his own life forfeited, hadn’t interfered.

Luckily, many capable prosecutors assembled, as well as the public and a few victims- it was a legendary case, held by a legendary prosecutor clad in purple and a defense attorney in blue- Goro had burned their names into his head to research later, as they had done a splendid job.

Yusuke talked on. “He raised me like his own child. At first, I was very happy and overjoyed to have found a foster father this generous. Quickly, he came to recognize my exceptional talent in art- well, and that is when the story delves into morally grey territory.”

Goro listened on, his heart pace quickening.

“As you may have heard from the case…he’d exploited his students and plagiarized their works. I was one of them, but I felt- special, in a way. He kept me in his home, though tattered and old, and encouraged me to support him and help him. I was blind to the truth- I couldn’t accept that he was just a greedy, selfish old man, even though I saw plenty of his misdeeds. I kept quiet about it- and I hung onto the illusion that I was just misinterpreting things, scared I’d lose the roof above my head. A therapist once claimed I was suffering under severe Stockholm syndrome back then-“

Goro scoffed at that, earning himself an odd look from Yusuke. He quickly explained, hoping Yusuke wouldn’t misunderstand: “My apologies, I didn’t mean to come off as condescending. It’s just that I have no high opinion of therapists, you see.”

Yusuke remained quiet for a while. “I understand. I didn’t really agree to the therapist’s opinion, either. My feelings- they are more complex than that.”

The artist’s face contorted into pain. “Years passed by like this, and under the praise from my foster father, my talent blossomed- and such did Madarame’s greed. It became unbearable to fulfill his expectations at some point, and I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t met all my friends.”

Goro’s interest was piqued. The suffering and heeding of abuse in hope of recognition, especially when it came to a father figure- he knew it all too well.

Scarily well.

“I had come to a point of struggle- I didn’t want to paint for the sake of earning money and fame, but for portraying aesthetics in its whole. Madarame did not appreciate it very much. One fine morning, as I was out and searching for inspiration- I met them. Ann, Akira and Ryuji had gone out for a stroll, and Ann instantly struck me as my future muse. Of course she declined posing nude for me, and Ryuji and Akira grew very wary of me- however, I had convinced Ann to try out posing for me with my ‘sweet-talking’ as she’d call it later.”

Yusuke had a fond look in his eyes as he talked on. “They dropped by one day, all three of them, much to my dismay. Somehow, some rumors about Madarame exploiting people had always existed- and the troupe had somehow picked up on that and grown worried about me. They confronted me with nothing but a bit of the truth- that I was living in an abusive situation and bidding as my father wanted, but I refused to accept it. I even tried calling the police on them.”

The artist chuckled. “But for some unknown reason, they didn’t give up. They kept pursuing me- seeking me out and confronting me with former abused pupils Madarame had thrown away after draining them of a future. I still refused to give in. But then…it must have been fate, when I accidentally walked in on a phone call of Madarame’s. He had been drunk- careless of what he was saying and where, and it was then that his intentions were laid bare to me.”

The fond look in Yusuke’s eyes was replaced by a tragically sad one. “He admitted he was pursuing art for the mere sake of money- that he didn’t have any real interest in it. He also told the person on the phone, when inquired about me- that I was kept in a shabby-run down household, whilst he himself lived a life of luxury at the expense of my artworks in a villa somewhere far away. But…I suppose what opened my eyes- was that he accidentally left a door open he’d always kept closed that night. I didn’t dare to enter- but as Madarame left, Akira and his friends returned, eagerly invading the house in quest of evidence. I had been too drained out to stop them- which is when…we stumbled upon her.”

Yusuke got up suddenly, rummaging around somewhere in his closet and pulling out a painting- Goro was instantly struck by the majestic woman that was portrayed, a fond look in her eyes as she smiled down at a child in her arms.

The artist dropped down next to Goro again, careful not to damage the painting in any way. He handed it over to Goro, who in return, felt his heart beating wildly at being trusted something so precious.

“This is…my mother. And it is also the last painting she had ever done in her life before Madarame let her die from a seizure.”

Yusuke’s voice was cold and detached, but Goro- knowing all too well the feeling of hate and rage- felt the immense pain hidden in his tone, and was barely able to keep his own breath from hitching.

Madarame had killed someone?

“I don’t want you to get the wrong conclusion. Apparently, way back when I was a newborn, my mother had been an apprentice of Madarame’s. It was back when he had- actually been interested in art and pursuing aesthetics on its own. However, my mother…she was talented.” Yusuke looked forlorn as his gaze was stuck on the woman.

“I can…see that.” Goro didn’t know what it was like to have loving parents, but he could certainly appraise talent.

“She was too talented, however. It threw Madarame into a turmoil- I suppose it was back then that his desires became twisted.”

Yusuke took a deep breath.

“She had a seizure right in front of him whilst painting this. Madarame didn’t care- his reasons for letting her die like that are unknown to me. Apparently, he took the painting and left her like that.”

Yusuke’s voice broke, and Goro heard the immense torture he must have felt upon recalling the…memory?

“If you don’t mind me asking, Yusuke…How do you know all this?”

“Well, at first, we found this painting in his room- next to a million copies. However, the copies were sullied- the baby, the one you see here- the one I’m supposed to be- it was erased by him. He sold this painting a million times, claiming the ‘mystery of a maiden’ was to be revealed sometime soon. We didn’t know why this painting was different from the others- and then, Akira stumbled upon an old diary.”

Something in Goro’s chest constricted.

“In that diary- aged around twenty years ago- Madarame described what had transpired and what he’d done. The last entry was him professing his feelings of guilt of letting my mother die and reproducing the ‘Sayuri’ a million times, and taking me in in hope of…”

Goro’s voice was laced with venom: “Compensation.”

Yusuke nodded, albeit slowly. “Yes. It was a truly shattering moment for me. I was- disturbed. Of course I threw Ann and everyone out upon hearing those words, and feigned ignorance as Madarame asked me whether I had entered the chamber. But soon…he got drunk again, after selling off another Sayuri copy and I-“

Yusuke curled in on himself, and Goro grew unsure of what to do- he’d never been one to give comfort. To anyone.

He remembered Ren’s hands on him when he’d cried his heart out.

Slowly, like a timid, scared child, like he was the one suffering right now and not Yusuke- he laid a hand on the other’s back. It didn’t do anything- he wasn’t comfortable with touching anyone except the twins, anyway- and he had to struggle not to pull away. But slowly, slowly, so much it began to kill Goro a little- Yusuke lifted his head, throwing Goro a thankful smile.

Something shattered inside the icy Detective Prince.

“I’m sorry. I thought it wouldn’t- evoke so many feelings in me anymore.”

Yusuke sighed, de-curling himself. “Well, it was then that I realized- I couldn’t take it anymore. I met up with Akira and confessed to my turmoil of emotions- and he helped me sort through it. He promised…that we’d get through this together. And he held true to his words. Together, we devised a plan of how to record and gather incriminating evidence on my father. Ann was already a model back then and had some connections to reporters. She used some of them when we were done gathering evidence- thus, Madarame’s crimes were leaked to public, and…well. You must know of the rest.”

Goro remained still- his hand was still attached to Yusuke’s back, as if it’d been glued.

“We stole the Sayuri before the authorities could confiscate it, and thus, it remained with me. Those failed paintings in your hands were an attempt of getting over this history of mine- but somehow, I wasn’t able to capture the essence at all.”

“And…what is the ‘essence’, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Goro knew he had no right to ask- much less a reason. He was interested, however, how four young people had thrown down a sick man like that on their own.

But why Yusuke’s emotions mattered, he didn’t really know himself.

Yusuke had another of his enigmatic smiles on his face as he replied: “To be quite frank- the essence of this all is ‘Love’.”

Goro instantly froze.

“As one of the victims, they kept my name relatively clear of the case- so I didn’t suffer under a lot of reporters haunting me. I didn’t wish- a twisted sense of loyalty I suppose- to appear as a witness on the stand. I also wondered…if Madarame was as ruthless as he seemed to be- why did he keep this incriminating piece of evidence? The Sayuri and its million copies? His old diary? In the same house that I lived? Why did he drink carelessly and have conversations where I could hear him?”

Yusuke looked up at the ceiling as if it would serve him answers he’d been long searching for. “Maybe I am suffering under Stockholm syndrome. Maybe it’s just a series of unfortunate events that led me to make the decision of betraying him. But, even though he killed my mother…even though he abused me all my life and trampled over what my art tried to be- I…I felt like he wanted someone to call him out on his crimes. I also couldn’t shake off the feeling- that after all this time, I still felt thankful to him for raising me, despite the odds. He could have let me rot away in the foster care system and never taken me in- how could he have known I was going to be an artist, after all? How could he have foreseen my talent blossoming?”

The artist fell quiet for a moment, his thoughts an enigma to Goro.

“There was also one more diary entry…one that he had written when I had been suffering under a high fever as a young child. He wrote ‘I ran frantically from doctor to doctor to save him, and I couldn’t be gladder than to know my son was on his way to recovery’. Of course, all this- it could be a lie. It could all be a lie, that he cared for me and raised me like he truly thought I was his son. In the first place, he did it because he let my mother die. But…despite the fact that I remind myself how rotten and disgusting he truly is- a part of my heart feels oddly connected to him. I still feel as though I love him- and I hate myself for wanting more of his praise, of his love- why? Why am I on a quest to find something so warped and futile?”

Yusuke fiddled with his hands.

“I don’t know. Even after a year or ten…I’ll probably never find the answer. That is why…simply claiming he ‘ruined’ and tainted me- I feel as though that would be wrong. I’m just not sure…what this ‘love’ really is, in its essential.”

The look Yusuke threw Goro made the latter want to scream.

“I wish I could simply hate on him- forever- for ruining me, my mother, my life. But somehow…‘Love’ makes it hard. Or maybe it’s just my irrational sense of feeling. I don’t know. I do loathe myself- for feeling as though I could forgive him. For wanting to know…what it would have been like to have a life with him where he didn’t sell off anyone else’s art, where he nurtured my talents as they were. Where we could have portrayed a healthy father and son relationship. Ah, but I’m trailing off.”

Yusuke grey eyes glittered with- what?

Goro didn’t know. Goro couldn’t relate- all he ever wished for was to throw his accursed father behind bars and watch him burn. Goro didn’t ever think about what it would be like to have Shido as a gentle, caring Dad and to grow up with him all happy and loved.

Or maybe he had, a very distant time ago. When he had still been a foolish, young, disillusioned child diving from dumpster to dumpster and having been rescued by a seemingly kind man.

“That’s why I am so eager to watch you and Akira.”

“What?”

Goro was completely thrown off track, finally able to pull back his hand.

Yusuke had an interested gleam in his eyes as he spoke on. “Love, I realized after all this time- can be such a complex thing. I know the media’s depiction- but I also know, due to my own life, that it can be a very warped and disgusting thing. Watching you and Akira teaches me a lot of how love can take shape- that it can be different, for every human, and that there isn’t a ‘true’ way to love. After all, Akira fell for you despite the fact that you seemed to hate him- and you, in turn, essentially did the same. It is so interesting to see you interact with each other, and to witness the care and comfort you two give each other. I hope- by watching you, that one day, I will understand my feelings on my own, too.”

“I sincerely doubt you will be able to understand ‘Love’ by watching me and Akira. Maybe you should watch Akira himself- I’m not one-“ _for Love._

“No, no, actually, watching you the past week has giving me a profound insight- as I already said. I just hope I didn’t bore you with my personal history here.”

Goro felt as if he’d been stripped to his bones after listening to Yusuke’s backstory- how much did they have in common? Not much, but still a lot. Enough for Goro to feel naked, scrutinized down to his soul whenever he’d look Yusuke in the eyes in the future. Life had mistreated them similarly, after all- who was to say the enigmatic young artist didn’t know of Goro’s deepest, darkest thoughts?

To think about it- scared Goro. So he stopped pursuing this line of thought, abandoning it in favor for a different one.

He had looked down on Yusuke as a weirdo- even though essential, he and him weren’t that different. It was beyond Goro how Yusuke thought he could learn from him- Goro didn’t have a single shred of love inside him, after all, when it came to his own opinion of himself.

So it would be futile to allow Yusuke to observe him.

But would those words suffice to stop the artist?

Who was playing whom, Goro was unsure.

“No, I am…It wasn’t boring. I was…”

_What? Amused? Sad? Happy that you trusted me? Angry for you?_

_You know you’re unable to feel empathy._

“I wasn’t bored”, Goro finished lamely.

Late at night, Goro wondered what he’d felt when confronted with someone’s past so openly.

He didn’t really understand.

Despite him not telling Akira about the private conversation he’d had with Yusuke, it was obvious something had changed between the two and their dynamic. Yusuke would pick up his drawing pencil more often whenever Goro was around now, and the detective remained utterly unfazed as he was sketched- no matter the situation. Even in slightly romantic moments, with Akira throwing a questioning gaze towards Goro- whether he was okay that Yusuke was watching them- Goro merely shrugged.

Ryuji picked up on the whole thing quickly as well, notching it down quite a bit when it came to suppressing Yusuke’s urges- they had grown used to his antics for a long while now, after all.

Akira was simply overjoyed over the fact that,- whatever the reason was- Yusuke and Goro seemed to be on much better terms now.

One day, Goro walked in on a sketch hung up in the hallway in where he had fallen asleep on Akira’s shoulder- looking tranquil and satisfied.

And another day, the sketch became a full-fledged painting, depicted in nothing but warm colors- Akira was allowed to hang that one up in his own room, and Yusuke promised to have another proper painting ready for the living room, too.

Funnily, in the near future, Yusuke would also have another drawing done that he’d hung up on his door- one that featured him and Goro in the museum.

A friendship between Yusuke and Goro, at first glance, seemed to be impossible- but despite the odds, it seemed like Goro had a peculiar interest in art, fascinated by whatever Yusuke had to tell him, or be informed of diverse biographies of other artists.

Ryuji once raised the question whether Goro was feigning interest, but Akira was quick to deny. “Look at his face”, he replied, “He doesn’t have that…frigid look in his eyes. He’s cupping and stroking his chin in thought- because he’s truly thinking about what Yusuke’s telling him. Besides, if he truly didn’t have any interest at all- then he would brush Yusuke off.”

“Y’know, ‘Kira, you have that big, sappy smile on your face right now.”

“But it’s- heartwarming, isn’t it? He’s growing used to us. And he’s opening up- it just- it makes me wanna burst into happy tears.”

“Uh, yeah buddy, keep that to yourself.” “Hey!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE WHAT I MEAN WITH GORO BONDING WITH THE PHANTOM THIEVES.  
> Wild that I didn't realize how well Goro and Yusuke could bond if they had the chance. Yusuke is so precious hnnnnhnnnn  
> Lemme know what you think!


	28. Dance, fool, to the tune of love; dance, fool, to the tune of death; and dance, fool, as you lose sight of yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys! Why don't we go back to clichéd college au tropes. Also, we're going to end up meeting the entire P5 cast now! Except Sumire, lol. Sorry. She's gonna appear sometime later.

It had become the weekend. Goro was still swamped with work, and his deadline of moving his furniture out was drawing near. Morgana was off in the afternoon, so Akira and his friends asked Goro for permission to clean out his apartment without him, so that they wouldn’t need to move things in the middle of the night. Although Goro was hesitant to let so many people into his private house- he didn’t have much of a choice if he didn’t want to risk running around in Ren’s clothes forever.

Besides, there wasn’t much in his apartment that would give away anything about his life.

Well, nothing, to be honest.

The troupe insisted on getting whatever he had, however- refusing to budge, so Goro told them to suit themselves and do whatever they want. Since they’d move the furniture into Ann’s apartment for a while- apparently she even had an empty room to fill up- they simultaneously decided to throw a party in the evening. Of course, they got Goro’s consent for that, too.

“It wouldn’t be a lot of people, really. Just us three- you know, your roommates- with Morgana and Ann, and then Shiho will be there too, since she’s always with Ann. If you want to, we could invite Hifumi, Makoto, Haru, Sumire and Mishima as well- it would be a lot more people, but it’d give off much more of a party feeling, right?”

Goro sighed. “I’d…rather stick with a small circle for now, really. You may add- two people, if you absolutely insist. I think I wouldn’t mind Nijima’s younger sister as much- we know each other briefly due to her sister, after all. I don’t really care about the last person you feel like inviting- but I won’t interact much.”

Akira’s face fell into a pout. “Well, I guess we’ll only add Haru, then- she always bakes the most delicious cakes and sweets, and she’s as close to us as Makoto. Do you mind us drinking? Shiho has sworn the bottle off, and Makoto only drinks a little, while Haru is more of a wine type- but I’m just wondering if you were- generally okay with alcohol.”

Goro remembered the time he got shit-face drunk in a bar when he…actually hadn’t been drunk in the least.

“I don’t mind. I do lift one or two myself from time to time.” “Uh, that sounds…sexy.”

Goro raised an eyebrow. “That I could be an possible alcoholic?”

“No, no! I mean, finding out how you’re gonna act all drunk!”

Maybe Goro would stick with only one glass of wine, then.

Goro massaged his temples, thinking of the upcoming party. Of course the action was not overseen by his amused coworker.

“Thinking about the evening party, Akechi?” Sae asked, bemused.

Goro threw her a glare. “I see your sister has a habit to chatter, Miss Nijima. I wonder where she got that from.” “Aw, don’t be so uptight. She’s a bit nervous about meeting you- so don’t be surprised if she’s all shy or mean. It’s always one of the two moods with her.”

“What else do you know, while we’re at it?”

Sae smiled disarmingly. “Just that you’re currently housing with…a special someone of yours. And assuming from the mood you’ve presented me all week, it’s going rather well.”

Goro sputtered, his cheeks growing red. “That is-!” “Don’t be flustered, Akechi. I’m- actually happy, you know? You joined us when you were a minor- barely scraping 16. I’ve always wondered whether that was even the right choice- not because of your lack of intellect or skill, you had that, for sure. But looking at my sister, I always wondered- if it didn’t take away a part of your where you could just…have fun and enjoy being a kid. A normal high schooler.”

_That hadn’t **ever** been an option._

“Well, and seeing how much of a good mood you’ve emitted this week- I’m just thankful for the person that conquered your heart. He seems like a good influence on you.” “You’re acting as if you don’t know him.”

Sae chuckled. “Oh, I don’t- the only thing I know about him is that he’s a notorious girl flock, but he was never interested in dating anyone. Until you came in, I suppose.”

“Elaborate on that, please?”

“Oh, you don’t know? As far as I’m aware, Makoto and- her model friend? As well as some other girls, someone named Hifumi I think? And Sumire- they all had a crush on this man. For what reason, I don’t know. He rejected every single one of them quite a while ago, though. I suppose he must be a great catch if they all remained friends, however.”

Well, this was a surprising revelation. Goro had always suspected Akira drew attention to himself, and it didn’t wonder him that most of his friends had had a crush on him- that his personality prevailed over broken hearts, though?

On second thought, maybe it wasn’t all that strange.

Besides, why would he even care? Was Goro actually jealous?

“Akechi, don’t contort your face like that. Makoto got over her crush a long time ago- you see, she told me he rejected her with quite the interesting explanation. ‘I have someone I set my eyes on, and until I can win his attention- I couldn’t possibly think of anyone else’. Don’t you think he referred to you?”

Goro wouldn’t know. Akira hadn’t _told_ him, after all.

Like a certain other raven. Was this a family thing? Keeping things to themselves and acting as if they has laid all their intentions bare?

Wait, but as Goro mulled it over- technically, Akira did tell him he was out to date him ages ago.

But he did _not_ tell him he was a notorious girl crush, and his entire female group of friends all had some sort of crush on him one way or another.

“You still look sour, Akechi.” “I’m not.” “I do apologize for not being able to keep my mouth shut. I hope I didn’t create any unnecessary tension.” “Oh, no, not at all.”

Sae sighed. “Well, I’m glad you seem to be displaying your emotions much better than before, Akechi. Even I get sick from that icy cold smile from time to time. I like the honest and hostile Akechi much more.”

Goro refused to react to that.

***

It was easy to reach Ann’s apartment by taking the subway. Her apartment was located on a very high floor in a…extremely large building that just _screamed_ excess and wealth to Goro. He also wasn’t allowed a step inside until Ann and Akira came down, with Ann showing her ID and telling the bodyguard that he was ‘Part of the friends, put him down on the white list!’.

Only later Goro realized the white list thing was actually a joke.

Oh well.

They took the elevator- obviously- and Ann chattered on, excitedly. The sun had long set, the clock was about to hit nine pm.

The perfect time to start throwing a party, Goro assumed.

He could hear the bass of the music miles away, but when he entered the apartment, he was surprised to find the music’s volume to be…tolerable. He’d expected it to be much louder.

The apartment itself, similar to the outside of the building, screamed wealth. It was a huge loft, and the interior was picked by someone with good taste- modern colors and modern furniture, keeping up with the latest technology. Tastefully picked flowers and plants adorned the loft, adding a soothing ambience. It was the perfect place for a young student to move in.

If the student was loaded, that was.

“Wellll- welcome to my humble apartment, Akechi! I’m so excited! We’ve all been looking forward to throw your ‘welcome-to-the-club-party’, so we hope you enjoy yourself!” Ann led the way inside, and Goro threw a curious look towards Akira, surprised by her phrasing.

His boyfriend smiled amicably. “Well, we like to throw parties whenever possible- and since you seem to have adjusted to our craziness a bit- we thought we should throw you a party. It coincidentally overlapped with moving your stuff into Ann’s apartment, too. Also, you weren’t kidding when you said there wasn’t much. Why did you have a monthly pack of instant noodles in your cupboard?!”

“Why did you even look there?” Goro fired back, well aware he was fighting a losing battle.

Akira snorted. “Uh, because we kinda needed to move your stuff out and didn’t know where you kept your belongings?”

“Fair point”, Goro conceded begrudgingly.

The raven laughed.

Inside the apartment, familiar faces had gathered- well, except for one, Goro supposed. After he had sat down on the couch, leaving his crutches on the ground, Akira nestled into his side.

A young woman approached the duo- currently involved in discussing the pro and cons of movie adaptations- and cleared her throat to make her presence known.

Goro looked up to the young girl, fluffy auburn hair, brown eyes, elegant- definitely expensive designer branded- clothing, a sweet perfume, matching her cute smile-

Oh, she seemed to be the archetype of a woman Goro hated to the death- the sheltered rich girl, he assumed. Judging by the backstories Akira’s friends had presented Goro so far, she was probably dealing with Daddy issues, too- or had general problems with her parents.

If she spoke in a soft voice and took care of a garden in her free time, Goro would jump out of the window right then and there.

“Good evening, Akechi. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Oh fuck, now he really wanted to jump off the 354th floor.

He forced a polite smile onto his face- he was used to this. He could do this.

Akira shifted nervously next to him.

“Same to you, um…?” “Oh! Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself. Please apologize. I am Haru Okumura- future successor of Okumura Corporation.”

Right. That corrupted firm that held its workers like slaves. Goro knew about it because the current owner of Okumura brands- Haru’s _daddy,_ he assumed- was a good friend of Shido’s.

Being a friend of such a scumbag meant he was cut from the same cloth.

Goro sincerely hoped Akira didn’t gather those kind of people around him.

“Right”, he nodded, “The name is…familiar to me.” “Oh! So you visit Big Bang Burger from time to time?” The rich girl giggled, raising a hand in front of her mouth. _Polite etiquette._

“I would have never expected the famous Detective Prince to eat at our brand! I’m honored.” “Oh, no. Please. _I_ am honored to have the opportunity to get to know a lovely lady like you, Okumura”, Goro pressed out, in the sickliest, sweetest tone he could manage- an attempt of mocking her.

Oh yeah, Akira was definitely growing nervous next to him.

Goro couldn’t really explain _why_ he didn’t like her- she hadn’t done anything rude or insulted him, after all.

But he didn’t like her, and that was that.

She also exuded a different air than the dumb merry group of friends Akira usually put up with. She was a rich girl, grew up in a probably even richer society, and dealt with all the rich and disgusting people Goro put up with whenever Shido ordered him to show up for some ridiculous dinner party.

Ann seemed to be well-off, too, judging from the state of her apartment, but she had never given off the feeling of ‘powders-her-nose-in-public’-girl, or even dropped a hint of interacting with those rich business people. She’d told Goro her parents were famous actors who often left her on her own- but that she hadn’t ever shown up to any parties or anything the like because usually, her parents travelled around the globe, too busy for ‘Dumb stuff like that’.

This woman here had learned the etiquette for a high-society party, however- of that, Goro was sure. She also put up the perfect act of an obedient, rich girl- that always listened to Daddy’s pleas.

Goro wouldn’t be surprised if she had some sort of rich fiancée- the worst thing about her personality would probably be that he was a sick bastard and she put up with his antics.

Alright, so they might have a few things in common.

But urgh, no. Goro could _smell_ it off her- they would never see eye-to-eye. He hadn’t liked Ann or Yusuke or Ryuji at first, either- so of course he could be wrong again. But all the other people in the group hadn’t ever oozed off so much rich-dirt-societial-spunk as much as this girl had.

And- this is what actually irked Goro- she seemed… _so gentle. So kind and cute. So soft-spoken and sweet._

The kind of princess from those fairy tales who had an evil menace threaten their life and, despite everything, she’d remain kind and fair to all.

Goro would burn all those fairy tales if he ever came across one. No way in hell could he relate staying kind to a world that treated him like shit.

But this girl probably would. _Maybe even if you killed off her evil Daddy_ , he mused. _She’d probably take some time, but forgive you at some point._

_Urgh, no._

“Please, call me Haru. I am so happy to finally meet you, Akechi! I rarely have time to visit university and even less time to see my friends from time to time- so I only heard Akira found a boyfriend via text. This was impossible to accept, I thought! I have to speak out my congratulations personally!”

Her face drew into an - what other people would deem- adorable pout, before she brightened into a smile. “So, I congratulate you, Akira! Akechi! I hope we can become good friends! It’s a shame you’re hurt, or I would have definitely asked you for a silly dance to commemorate our newly found friendship!”

She held out her hand timidly, a hopeful smile on her face.

No, Goro would rather burn in hell than shake some sort of truce pact with her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m afraid my wrist is still badly sprained, you see- and Akira is always very possessive as soon as he gets a hold of my other healthy hand- he has a hard time letting go.”

Goro threw one of his TV smiles towards Akira, who understood in a second- he quickly intertwined their fingers, and due to the close embrace they’d fallen in before, it didn’t even seem like they hadn’t been holding hands.

The brunet turned his head back to the rich girl- shaking his head in a mocking manner. “Sorry, I’d rather not shake hands with you currently, you see? But Akira can shake your hand in my stead- he has a free hand.”

The girl didn’t seem all too happy as Akira awkwardly shook her hand, and she smoothened out invisible wrinkles on her probably expensive-ass skirt. “I apologize for not thinking sooner of that, Akechi.” She smiled at him, but it was a much weaker smile than before. “I truly wish you all the best for your recovery. If you will excuse me?”

“Of course”, Akechi smiled back.

She quickly tripped off, but not before giving another polite bow.

“Alright, so. Your sprained hand is the one I’m _currently_ holding- don’t think I’m dumb enough not to remember which side sprained just because you took off the bandage. Also, that was- quite the most awkward way of turning her down _ever._ It was a douchebag move.”

Akira was throwing him a mild glare, but Goro remained unfazed. “I don’t like her- I didn’t know getting in a relationship with you meant I had to put up with _all_ your friends. I know Kunikazu Okumura personally- I assume that’s her Dad, considering her introduction. He’s-”

“A piece of shit, we know. We’re aware. But that doesn’t mean she’s at fault, you know? She’s actually-”

“If you say nice, I’m picking up the crutches and leaving right now.”

Akira sighed. “Alright, so you don’t like her- even though you don’t even know her.” “I don’t have any plans on getting to know her, either. Really. Or will you only remain by my side if I play nice with all your friends?”

Akira’s voice rose. “Of course not! I didn’t- I don’t want you to force yourself to befriend anyone, really. I just- thought you’d match…in a way.”

Goro raised one of his eyebrows. “Oh, really? How come?”

The raven shrugged. “She always has people approaching her because of her position- that are merely trying to use her…I thought you, as a TV Idol, could relate, but…I guess I was wrong?”

The detective sneered. “Definitely.”

_You’re a bad liar, Goro._

“Hmm.” Akira sagged against him, a sad look on his face. “Guess it was dumb hunch, huh.” “You should be happy I’m getting along with so many of your friends already, instead of trying to add more to the circle.”

Akira propped his chin up on Goro’s shoulder, staring deep into his eyes. “So you admit…that you get along?”

Goro kissed his stupid mouth instead of answering. The angle was certainly awkward, and they broke it off rather soon, but at least Akira got the hint.

_So much for ‘talking it out’, huh._

For a while, they indulged in each other’s presence. That was until Akira kissed Goro particularly long, and suddenly they heard a squealing voice rising above the music. “Aw, this is the cutest picture I’ve taken in for-ev-er! No way am I handing this over!”

Oh, dang. They had forgotten the party was taking place in Ann’s apartment. Akira had already jumped to his feet, running over to where Ann had safely retreated to steal her phone and delete whatever blackmail material she had conjured-

-but, funnily, Goro could also imagine Akira secretly trying to get his hands on their picture, especially if they were kissing.

Well, so long as the pictures didn’t leak, he didn’t care. Maybe Futaba would hack into Akira’s phone and find the picture of them, kissing. Maybe she’d show it to Ren.

Maybe Ren would be jealous.

Goro sighed. He really had to let go of that man. But it was hard to forget someone when you were basically dating their clone- and their family member.

Akira squeezed his hand carefully when he returned, a playful smile on his face. “You want me to go after her and really delete the picture? I was only able to give her a chiding, sadly.” “I’m sure you’re going to keep the picture in your private stash, whether I want it or not.”

The raven threw his head back and laughed. “Right you are.”

Akira kissed Goro’s knuckles once more before standing up and walking over to the squealing Ann, who was thrusting her phone into the faces of anyone passing by.

“I…have to admit, I really didn’t expect you to show up here. Much less…be so open about your relationship.”

An awkward cough to the side caused Goro to turn his head, locking eyes with the younger Nijima sister. “Why, good evening to you too, younger Nijima. Who would have thought I’d ever visit a welcoming party, right?”

Makoto sighed, confronted with one of Goro’s impeccable smiles. “Please stop calling me that. Just stick to Makoto and it’s less awkward. Also, that smile makes me extremely uncomfortable.”

A sharp tongue and wit – Makoto was similar to her older sister, albeit there was still a fine difference: what made Sae seem intelligent and sophisticated, only made her younger sister seem arrogant. They had crossed paths a few times, exchanged some small talk- mostly about her deceased father’s work, or her hard-working sister. She herself didn’t present a lot on her plate- she had graduated with fine grades, and wanted to follow her family’s tradition of working with the law. She was aiming to become a Marshal- obviously specializing in criminal law.

Goro wouldn’t call them friends- mostly because he had a habit of not having those. But to call her a stranger was wrong, too. Maybe a distant acquaintance. He didn’t really dislike her, but if he had to pick between one of the sisters- well, the choice was obvious. Talks with her weren’t exactly refreshing or proved new insight, despite the fact that they had a lot of different views when it came to ethics or morality and frequently clashed about difference in opinion. But he was more bored than riled up whenever she defied him, and that made her uninteresting.

There was a part of their history in where the two of them had actually attempted to play this game of ‘friends’, but it had ended on a terrible note.

Somehow, Goro was glad for it.

He was therefore surprised when she sat down on the opposite couch, nervously playing with the bamboo straw in her drink- a fruit cocktail. “Soooo- you and Akira, huh?”

Goro was someone who liked to cut to the chase, and provided with the information by Sae, he decided to do exactly that. “If you’re jealous because you’re still harboring a crush on him, well, don’t think I’ll care.”

Her cheeks grew flaming red, and she sputtered: “W-What?! No! Who even- oh no, Sis probably told you, didn’t she?! Ahhhh, I cannot believe her!”

_Interesting. I’ve never seen her lose her composure that quickly._

“I wasn’t- this- I didn’t start this conversation to talk about anything like _that!”_ “Oh? Then what was your intention? Congratulating us? Please. I’ve already had the joy of that conversation with the rich girl a few minutes ago- spare me the thought. I would even go so far and claim that there was more truth and honesty to her congrats than yours would contain.”

Somehow, it’d be really convenient if he had some drink to occupy himself with.

“Argh, you’re still as prickly and mean as I remember you to be! How rude! I can’t believe both Sis and Akira keep up with that!”

Goro shrugged, a sneer on his face. “Well, I doubt they asked for your opinion now, have they? It’s none of your business.” “Look, I know how mean you are because I found out ages ago when I tried befriending you and you grew tired of keeping up the façade at some point. Thankfully, it made me realize it was a waste of time to pursue any kind of relationship with you. You’re just- insufferable!”

Ah, there it was- Makoto’s incredibly dislike towards him.

“You just decided to up and leave when I told you your old school friend was pathetic for hanging onto an equally pathetic man. It was nothing but the truth- I still don’t see why it upset you so.”

“It _upset_ me, because you told her in her face that she was, and I quote, ‘Worth nothing more than a dumb, mindless great tit, who has the emotional intelligence of a fungus’!”

“Yes, quite fitting, wasn’t it?” Goro was amused, thinking back on the particular day. “She kept squealing about her boyfriend and hanging onto him so much, it reminded me of a bird’s behavior. It wasn’t my fault she wasn’t able to understand that ‘great tit’ refers to a bird, and not the female’s body. Besides, birds are very intelligent animals. Not my fault she underestimates nature.”

“So? There was this other time when we tried helping a sobbing teenager, who had almost been run over by a car. Do you remember what you told him? ‘Imbeciles that can’t watch their surroundings deserve to die’. How? _Why?_ ” What goes _on_ in your head?!”

Goro shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned, he had deliberately thrown himself in front of the car, and then retreated in the last moment just to gather attention. I don’t see why I should offer any words of comfort to a fool like that.”

Makoto hissed. “Because that’s the most _inhumane_ thing to say, Akechi! He was about to commit suicide! And those events- they weren’t the only things that happened!”

Makoto rose, but despite the fact that Goro knew the Nijima family was extremely talented in Aikido, he wasn’t intimated at all. No way she’d raise her hand at an injured man now, would she? It would go against all her principles of justice and shit.

Bored, he raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

He felt her rage- he could feel her seething with hate and anger. “I just- wanted to- tell you-“ She wrung with each word, spitting it out like the slaps she’d loved to deliver to Goro’s face. “That I know you have _some_ sort of evil plan with Akira- especially, no, _precisely_ because you’re dating- I know you, Akechi. And I want you to know that I _will_ find out whatever evil plot you’re pursuing, and I will do my utmost to destroy it- particularly if you plan on breaking his heart.”

Goro blinked- once, twice.

He saw how Makoto’s grip tightened on her glass- slightly afraid it might shatter.

It didn’t.

However, her face had contorted with anger, and her breathing had grown shallow. “To this day, I don’t understand what my sister sees in you- and I will _never_ accept you. I thought you could have changed- maybe- after getting to know Akira and my dear friends, but you clearly haven’t. I always regretted keeping my mouth shut about this- opinion I have of you, you know?”

“Well, give it away if it calms your sweet maiden’s heart.”

There was pity in her voice, mixed alongside the suppressed fury.

“You’re- a monster. You’re incapable of love, Akechi. And there’s no way in hell that anyone could love you back. And you know what? Somehow, that makes you a very pathetic and very pitiful existence.”

If Goro had had a drink in his hands, it would have shattered by now. “What do _you_ know”, he hissed, his eyes gleaming with rage, “As far as I’m concerned, you were nothing more but a pathetic little girl chasing the illusion of making her dead Daddy proud. You know what, Makoto? As far as I’m concerned, dead people don’t have the habit of walking around and talking to you. Your entire dream of becoming a Marshal to make him proud is just as sad. How about you stop living for the dead and start living for yourself? Don’t you _dare_ lecture me on what is pathetic and what not.”

There was a cold look in Makoto’s eyes as she walked up to him- and Goro expected a lot, expected her to slap him, to spill her drink over him- anything to let her rage run free.

Instead, she passed him by, walking proud and tall.

“You know what? In the past, I think I would have grown mad at you for saying that. But I have grown to realize that you’re incapable of anything else but- expressing rage and hate. I’ll make Akira realize his mistake of giving you a chance soon enough- or he’ll realize on his own. There’s nothing and no one out there that could help you, and whatever fantasy Akira has conjured up for himself- it will fade soon enough. And that’s when you’ll realize how truly sad of an existence you are. Prepare yourself for it.”

So much for a welcome party.

***

Needless to say, Goro’s mood was down in the dumpsters afterwards. It wasn’t like he had been looking forward to a welcome party in particular- no one had ever thrown him a party for anything, actually- but if this was how they went, he’d rather stay away from them.

Preferably forever.

How dare she say Goro was sad and pathetic. How dare she even raise her voice against him but blatantly ignore him afterwards. Thanks to the music and the size of the loft, no one had even witnessed Makoto and Goro clashing- but that didn’t change the fact that Goro’s initial neutral stance towards her had turned into incurable hate.

His thoughts were running in circles- how much he’d love to see her drop dead and die if possible, what a pathetic, whimpering, baseless girl she had been. How Goro believed their brief ‘friendship’ if you could call it that- had actually taught her how to grow confident and stand up for herself, how she should be thankful for Goro for even _letting_ her in his gracious presence, how-

“You’ve put on your thinking face again. What’s up?”

Akira had plopped down next to him, smiling as if he had not a care in the world.

He probably hadn’t.

_‘You’re not loveable’_

Goro grimaced- he’d show her who wasn’t loveable. “Akira. It wasn’t anything special, really.” “Hmm, alright, if you say so. Hey, you want anything to drink? I think Ryuji and Morgana went shopping together with the party budget and basically bought the entire market, so I think we should have a little bit of everything. They’re the worst combo to put out together, really.”

“I suppose a drink doesn’t sound bad. But…I doubt it will satisfy me.”

Akira was about to up and leave, but the last statement made him halt. He turned around, tilting his head curiously. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Well, fooling Akira with a loving boyfriend act would backfire for sure. So Goro had to act like himself as close as possible.

But…what exactly defined the ‘him’ that was not about hate and anger?

Goro averted his eyes, crossing his arms. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t _sound_ like nothing, ‘Kechi.”

_Hook._

“It’s fine- it’s nothing important, really.” Goro could feel the gears churning in Akira’s head.

“Let me go get us something and…then I’ll talk to you about what bothers you, okay?”

Akira kissed him on the cheek with a smile, forcing Goro to look him in the eye by tilting his chin towards him. “No way in hell am I going to let you mope away the evening of your welcoming party, bro.”

“I’m not your ‘bro’, I’m afraid.” “

Yeah”, Akira flashed him a brilliant smile, “you’re my rarely-obstinate -boyfriend – my bro.” “You are aware you twisted the letters the wrong way? It would spell ‘rob’, not bro in that particular example.”

“Yeah, but you also ‘rob’-bed me of my heart, so it fits!”

_He really is utterly cheesy._

Now it was Akira’s turn to shut Goro up with a kiss- it lingered, like the feeling of a warm sunray driving away the shade, and Akira was quick to return as he left, placing down a drink that seemed similar to Makoto’s, and-

Goro took a quick sip to ascertain himself. “This is- champagne? And not the cheap version.” “Yeah, Haru’s courtesy, actually. I don’t even wanna imagine the price tag on the bottle, but I thought it would suit your taste more than the booze we had. Does it?” “It’s…certainly not bad.” “Great!”

“Soooo, now that you had something to drink…What’s bothering you?”

_Line._

Goro furrowed his brows. “It’s- trivial. Nothing- that needs to be addressed.” “Nah, you’re spilling this out, if you want to or not- I can’t have you moping tonight, Akechi!”

The brunet let out his most non-theatrical sigh. “Well, something’s been occupying my mind all evening, actually. I heard some- interesting things from Miss Nijima- my work colleague, not your friend.” “Alright, and that was what?”

Goro remained quiet, furrowing his brows even tighter, until Akira softly nudged him in the side. “Come on, Detective- spill the beans.” 

“Well, she told me…that you’ve actually received quite the amount of love confessions. From- a lot of the girls here.”

“Ah.” Goro saw Akira stiffen out of the corner of his eye, biting his lip. “I- well, I guess she- how did she even-? Right, Makoto-“

“Makoto was among them, I heard.”

Akira looked a bit lost. “Yeah, but, uh…Why are you thinking about that? I guess I could have told you about it, but I didn’t see the relevance- and besides, most of that are really old stories. Like, Ann? I think she’s secretly crushing on Ryuji, but that’s just a hunch- and I doubt she realizes it herself.”

“Mhm.” Goro tried seeming as closed off as possible.

“Does my popularity bother you? Dude, you literally have an infinite amount of girls flocking and confessing to you every-“

“That’s not what this is about”, Goro snapped, turning his head away.

His annoyance was possibly not even faked anymore.

“Then…what is it? Tell me, Akechi.”

Goro remained quiet for a while, opting to take another sip of his champagne. He kept drinking until his glass was empty, and he missed the feeling of the happy bubbles bursting inside his mouth.

He was staring at his feet now, worried he’d grow a permanent crease in his forehead if he frowned any longer.

“You had a lot of choices, Akira. Why did you pick me?”

If Akira was surprised by Goro’s question, he didn’t show it. Instead, he shifted closer, forcing Goro to meet his gaze again.

_Fuck, this is humiliating._

“Really?”

Akira’s facial features had grown soft- Goro could spot no mockery, no laugh, no indignation- just pure, unconditional affection.

For whom? Himself?

_Ridiculous._

Akira pressed a chaste kiss to Goro’s lips, pulling away quickly, but staying close. He leaned their foreheads together, making it impossible for Goro to look anywhere without spotting _something_ belonging to Akira.

“Have I not made it clear enough how much I love you?”

Goro bit his lip, staring down at his hand on the couch as if he could burn a hole into it.

“Do I need to pamper you all evening to make it clear there’s no one else out there but you for me, Akechi?”

_Sinker._

“Hey, wanna sit in my lap?”

Goro’s frown disappeared, and instead, he threw Akira his best deadpan-look. “I’m taller than you, remember? Probably also heavier. And I’m wearing a caste, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Akira grinned cheekily. “Considering the amount of food you’ve consumed in comparison to your instant-noodle lifestyle, you might be a bit heavier than before, true. Alright, so I’ll add ‘sitting in Akechi’s lap as soon as he’s all healed up’ to the bucket list. Not like I hadn’t planned on doing that the entire time, anyway:”

“You keep a bucket list? Of me?”

Akira shook his hand. “No, of things I wanna do _with_ you. Living together had actually been somewhere deep down the list, but somehow, you always throw things out of order. I also hadn’t written ‘nursing him to health’ that high up the list, but well- I’m adaptable.”

“You seem- slightly obsessive, if I may repeat my previous statement.”

His boyfriend smiled at him, completely ignoring his statement. “We can share the list, you know? In the future, you should write down your wishes- and things you wanna do with me- onto it as well. It’d be a mutual thing! And in ten or twenty years, we can look back and see how much we’ve accomplished. Or laugh about our silly ideas, depending what we wrote down.”

Ten or twenty years. Akira was looking into a future Goro didn’t even believe he’d be granted to have. No matter what happened, he was bound to be killed off by Shido in the following days before or after the election, as soon as he’d grown useless. Which- wasn’t that far away anymore. Roughly five months, Goro presumed.

_Ten or twenty years._

“How can you even- think of spending so much of your life with me? Except marking yourself as a maniac, how do you believe in something to last that long?”

Akira’s sappy smile disappeared, and instead, his piercing gaze shot electricity up Goro’s bones, tensing his whole body.

“I believe that- we hold the fate of our lives in our own hands. Unless tragedy strikes- and I do my utmost to keep that from happening to anyone of my loved ones- I believe I can make something last forever if I have the willpower. Since life likes to fuck around with us, sometimes it means attaining a specific goal will take years- ages, possibly. Other times, it will mean obtaining it immediately and having to work towards not losing it. Both cases present me one option: to attain it, or to make it last forever as long as I gather the will for it.”

“But sometimes, you don’t really have much of a choice, don’t you?” Goro threw in, harshly. “For example, if I didn’t agree to enter a relationship with you, and didn’t develop feelings for you, your fantasy of us being a couple would stay a fantasy forever. You don’t get much of a choice in that matter. Or if you were born poor and thrown onto the streets, the idea of becoming a noble would be impossible, too. You wouldn’t be able to decide to be adopted by someone from the noble line- it would be out of your hands.”

“But we are in a relationship now, aren’t we? And you hold feelings for me. Soo…no need to crack my head over the ‘what-if-it-doesn’t-happen, right? You might be right that sometimes, things are out of our jurisdiction- and our power- but the poor orphan could try working hard and establishing a name that would be equal of that as a noble.” “That is extremely unrealistic, though.”

“Well, at the end of the day, I need to judge if I think something is realistically attainable for me or not, right? And that differs from human to human.”

“So you thought attaining me as your boyfriend was realistic?”

“No, that was a gamble- I didn’t know the outcome, but I could work the utmost hardest to try and force the odds to stand on my side. And, look- it paid off!”

Goro sighed. This conversation was heading everywhere and nowhere at once. “You’re insufferable.” “Maybe?”

“No, definitely.”

A kiss was pressed onto his cheek. “Well, I still need to work on showing you as much love as possible, though. Can’t believe _you_ of all people felt insecure about _my_ popularity- that’s insane. But also- it gives me the excuse to spoil you more. So you never feel the need to question yourself ‘Why, of all people, did he choose me?’ ”

“So you plan to do that all evening?”

Akira kissed him again, a sheepish smile on his face. “No, for the rest of my life.”

The detective sighed. “You’re aware you can only shower me with affection for as long as I want you to, right?” “Which is why I need to make use of that time as much as I can. Not like I plan for it to run out. Do you?”

The piercing gaze of Akira shot through Goro’s soul. _Clang._

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait for as long as you need to finally find an answer.” “And you’d accept if I said ‘Time’s up?’ “

Akira contemplated that. “It depends. If it was my fault that ruined our future together- possibly, though I’d try to apologize and mend. If you hated me and wanted me gone, well, it depends. Maybe if we went about it like rational adults, talked it out? I’d definitely stop with romantic advances if you explained to me it puts you in a really uncomfortable spot and shit. Like, I love you, but not to the point I’d become an excessive, obsessed, unhealthy molester or something. I mean, I’ve never considered these possibilities in the first place- I just sort of the guy who say ‘wing it when shit happens’.”

_Wing it. Right._

_Because that’s so easy._

“Let’s stop talking about depressive stuff like our definitely-not-happening-break-up, ‘Kechi! Tonight’s supposed to be fun, remember?”

“Right.” “And pampering you, and spoiling you, and- wait, are you okay with PDA in front of my friends? Oh fuck, I should’ve asked ages ago!”

“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?” “No, I can back off from now-“ Akira was about to scoot himself to the very end of the couch, but Goro snatched him by his arm and yanked him- hard.

Akira fell against Goro’s chest with a muffled ‘uff’, but Goro slung an arm around his waist, securing him to the spot. “Don’t leave.”

Goro couldn’t explain why his voice cracked as he said that.

But he was utterly captivated by the mischievous grin Akira presented him as he rose from his positon and pressed another kiss to Goro’s lonely lips.

Goro leaned into it.

***

Akira’s friends- and, weirdly, funnily, against all odds- supposedly Goro’s friends, now, too- all trickled over to the couple one by one, holding interesting conversations with him, or fooling around in general. Goro had the slightest hunch that Akira had instructed his friends not to approach Goro all at once or jump any weird party games on him, but he buried the thought somewhere deep in a corner of his overanalyzing-brain. Akira himself remained by his side the entire evening, only leaving to fill up their drinks or grab some snacks.

Ann came by and talked more about what model offers she had gotten, and that she was considering flying to America for a minor role in a drama- it would cost her an entire three months of absence. Goro had fun presenting her the pro and cons, well-versed in the business world of acting and trying to raise one’s career.

She also took an entire stash of pictures whenever Akira doted on Goro, promising to send them the pictures and compile a printed album of their ‘absolutely-adorable’ relationship.

Despite the fact that Goro asked her _not_ to.

Ryuji dropped onto Goro’s empty side later in the evening, slightly tipsy and lolling on about now, that Akechi’s hand was almost healed, they’d soon come and destroy each other in Mario Kart. Yusuke drew the trio when they began exchanging their favorite work-out routines, and Ryuji was eager to know more about bouldering once again.

Morgana, Yusuke and Goro had an interesting conversation about the world’s famous artworks and how they came to be, but at some point, Morgana stopped Yusuke from rambling by making a toast. “Welcome to the most craziest bunch of friends you’ve ever met- you’re part of it now, and we welcome your contribution.”

Since the evening had progressed into the early night, everyone was tipsy and drunk now- and Goro found himself being surrounded by Ann, Ryuji, Yusuke- _‘This will be the perfect inspiration for a painting’ –_ and obviously Akira in a circle, all of them throwing invisible kisses towards him for a picture that Morgana took, not without him yelling _‘I also want a kiss from Lady Ann!’_

Except that it was Akira that kissed him on the cheek, before proceeding to smother him in kisses and his friends yelling and pulling him away from Goro under laughter.

The rich girl- Haru, was it?- maintained a polite, but friendly distance to Goro, smiling and waving at him from time to time.

She only stopped when Goro scoffed at her.

Makoto, obviously, kept throwing him icy glares, but she stopped when Goro dared Akira in a whisper to get as handsy as he wanted to.

It was most satisfying to see her turn away with a blush and a glare as Akira sucked love bites onto his neck and chest -after unbuttoning four of Goro’s top-buttons-, half-yelling and half-whispering about how badly he wanted to make love to Goro.

It took both Ryuji and Morgana to pull the whiny Akira away, and Ann had an extremely hard time buttoning him up again. “Damn, next time we party, wear a shirt he just tears off of you- that’s less work than havin’ to…button this shit up again. Also, you have model potential, we should totally collab sometime. Though I don’ know about Akira’s jealousy.”

Her words were slurred, and her fingers slipped again and again in an attempt to get the buttons all lined up again. She gave up when only the top buttons remained unbuttoned. “Whatever, Akira’s jus’ gonna rip it open again, ‘nyway.”

Akira didn’t force Goro to dance when Ann turned up the music, and all the tipsy young adults gathered in the wide space of the room to enjoy themselves. Even Yusuke joined for a few awkward dance moves, but quickly sat down and scribbled sketches for the rest of the evening. Akira was a surprisingly good dancer, and Goro was only mildly surprised to hear he’d been part of the dance club in highschool.

Goro did wonder how they’d get home with everyone irresponsibly drunk- well, except the only slightly tipsy Haru and the completely sober Shiho and Makoto. He himself had apparently drunken a bit too much of the champagne, but he wasn’t as gone as Ryuji was. Despite the entirely unhealthy intoxicated state of his boyfriend, Akira still brought him water over often, making sure he stayed hydrated.

“Usually, everyone just sort of crashes here”, Shiho explained him, when Akira had collapsed into his side after dancing his heart out, and the rest of the friends scattered around the room, sitting on the couch, the ground, chairs, Ryuji- anything.

“Ann has a few rooms for everyone to sleep in, and the loft has a lot of bathrooms- enough that everyone gets a bit of privacy when they come down crashing in the morning. Oh, don’t worry- your furniture and stuff funnily all fit in her basement, so you don’t need to worry about anyone touching your stuff. Akira suggested you and him head home after the party is over, so we can order a cab whenever you feel like leaving. I suppose he isn’t making it far by himself.” Her eyes crinkled, a fond smile appearing on her face.

Goro’s heart churned whenever someone gazed at Akira with a bit of love. Sure, he had no right to think so- jealousy was always unjustified and dumb- but weirdly, he’d grown…fonder of the boy quietly snoring away on his shoulder.

Which somehow evoked unnecessary feelings in him.

Was this how normal university students lived their life? Just dancing the night away to their hearts content, uncaring about the world outside? Forgetting their fears of the future and playing stupid, pointless games like Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle, or Poker and chess?

Alright, so maybe Goro had taught Akira how to play chess when both of them were a liiiiittle bit drunker.

But still. This world- it was so unfamiliar to Goro. It felt like he was stuck in some sort of fever-dream, and Shido would shake him awake anytime now- telling him to go and take care of some dirty business. It felt surreal when Akira’s sleepy eyes blinked open, and the first thing Goro could see shimmering in his eyes was his own reflection and a “Hi, Akechi~” before he sacked away again.

This couldn’t _be_ real. Goro Akechi wasn’t a normal university student visiting parties in his moderately rich-friend’s home. Goro Akechi didn’t _have_ friends- much less a loving boyfriend, while we’re at it.

Goro Akechi’s heart didn’t feel like bursting and clenching to death at the same time- he was a man without many emotions, most of them concealed, and if anything- only the painful ones subsided.

He didn’t run a hand through his mussy boyfriend’s hair and kissed him awake instead of plotting how to overthrow Shido and watch his father burn.

And, above all- Goro Akechi wasn’t one to shed silent tears, when he finally fell into bed next to his boyfriend in an apartment featuring only the two of them, and his boyfriend didn’t just wipe his tears away and kissed him to sleep.

He knew this world would burn in front of his eyes- whether by his own hand or Shido’s, it would. A happy world like this didn’t exist for scum like him.

He suspected that this world might burn, but the one setting it aflame would be unexpected as fuck.

And once again, Goro would have to deal with the aftermath of his soul being shredded to pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene made me feel so many feels man. Let me add that Goro realizes in this scene that the world he shares with Akira and his friends makes him feel like he's in a hazy drug dream. That's the reason he can let loose, but also yearn for it endlessly. He is sure this world will end because all drug induced states do, and since the aftermath of hard drugs usually entails terrible consequences, he is sure this will, too. Yet he still can't throw it out himself, addicted to the feeling.  
> Well, we'll see!  
> Tell me what you think and drop a comment! I loved his and Makoto's interactions, really. It shattered my heart to have her throw those terrible words at him, though- it triggered him badly.  
> I felt terrible for poor Haru, but Akechi's been friendly for too long lol. And I knew back when I wrote this, if I attempted to write bonding scenes with Haru and Makoto, too, it'd probably take me a lifetime to finish this fic (not to mention plotting up a backstory for both of them all over again lmao). And funnily I couldn't really imagine Goro growing to be the bestest of friends with them, either- and that's fine. He doesn't need to befriend everyone, right?  
> ;))))


	29. The Emperor and The Chariot mix well, the former steering the latter; where hath the fool fit in?

After another week and a half had passed, Goro was sure his sprained hand was thoroughly healed. He could not find any good excuse, therefore, as to why he’d refuse to play games with Ryuji without insulting the latter.

To Goro’s surprise, Ryuji didn’t boot up Mario Kart, but Super Mario Galaxy. “This one’s more casual, but it’s funnier- also, it helps you adjust to the whole control adjustment and stuff. Don’t wanna play against you while you’re still a Grade A loser- I wanna go all out with you!”

Goro didn’t fare badly, later- he came in third, quite close to Ryuji’s first place. Even Ryuji acknowledged that, holding out his fist again. “Good job, man. Gotta admit you did really well for a first try.”

“What can I say, I must be talented.” “Hey! Don’t let this get to your head! I bet if we tried some other game you wouldn’t last a second!” “Alright, how about this? I choose a game from your collection, and the loser heeds the winner’s call.” “Hmmmm…okay? I’ll explain you its mechanics for exactly fifteen minutes, and then we’ll start.”

A competitive grin appeared on Goro’s face. Challenges were always something he rose up to. “Sounds perfect to me.”

He picked out an Ego Shooter- the winner would be the person who killed off more opponents in the time limit _and_ respawned less often.

When the game was over, Ryuji stared incredulously at the game screen. “ _No_ way in effin hell-“

“I believe the word you were searching for was ‘fucking’, Ryuji.”

“Akechi, what the _fuck?!_ Did you cheat?! Did you know the game before this?!” “No?” “But you _doubled_ my score. Doubled! That’s- that’s mad, especially since you didn’t even play it for so long!”

Goro shrugged, leaning back against the soft couch. “I guess I must be skilled in gunplay?”

From behind him, Akira had been passing by to get to the kitchen, and he let out a breathy laugh. He slung his arms around Goro’s neck, tilting downwards to chuckle directly into Goro’s ear. “Is that a kink I’m unaware of, Akechi? Because I can _definitely_ get down to it for you, Detective”, he purred, nuzzling a few kisses to Goro’s ear and neck.

Ryuji was too transfixed by the screen to gag at their intimacy. It wasn’t like Goro had grown adjusted to being showered in love, either- he still went stiff and nervous whenever Akira threw out a flirty-one liner, pressed kisses to his skin or showered him in love, especially in front of his friends. But after so much time, both of them had grown adjusted to each other’s antics- immediately recognizing signs of extreme uncomfortableness in comparison to awkward surprise.

Therefore, Akira wasn’t worried when Goro didn’t answer immediately. When he remained quiet, and his cheeks grew red, Akira realized he was embarrassed to the point of being struck speechless.

He quickly changed topics. “So, now Ryuji’s gotta heed your call, huh? What’s your request of him?”

The tension in Goro’s shoulder loosened. “Frankly, I didn’t expect to beat him this fast- I haven’t even come up with anything.” “Well, better come up with something! Ryuji’s a klutz and forgets stuff like this quickly.” “Hey! Not true! Okay, maybe…a bit”, Ryuji grumbled.

“So? What is it you want of me, Akechi?! Let’s get this over with.”

Ryuji threw him a challenging look, and Goro- was still at a loss. It was he himself that had suggested the ploy, but now that he’d actually won-

Well, he was kind of lost.

He tried giving Akira his rights to rule over Ryuji, but Akira refused. “It’s your win, Akechi. You decide what to do with it.”

But Goro had never “won” anything in this sense- sure, he’d won cases or investigations, had climbed the latter of a shining career path- had won countless maiden’s hearts. But something mundane as this? Beating a friend in some game and being able to make him do his biding, all without anyone getting hurt, murdered or suffer extreme pain?

Well.

In the end, Ryuji signed a letter stating the exact day, time and occasion- and that he’d owe Goro until he redeemed the stupid thing.

Goro wondered if it would ever happen.

Over the course of the next few days, Akira occasionally brought over some of Goro’s belongings- mostly his clothes- which, well. Weren’t a lot. Goro told him he was usually wearing his suit all the time, anyway, so he didn’t see the need in buying new stuff- ever.

He refused Akira’s offer to share clothes.

The same evening, Ryuji bought more alcohol and got them all drunk- calling Akira a ‘simp’.

Goro couldn’t help but agree- after looking up its meaning on urban dictionary.

A sense of dread got ahold of him.

***

Yusuke and Goro shared a surprising hobby- people watching. When Goro was invited out to go and do exactly that, he refused the first three times. The fourth time, he went- after a bit of nudging on Akira’s side, who was surprisingly busy the very same day. He warned Yusuke not to do anything too crazy, since no one would be there to put a stop to his actions.

But the day passed by very peacefully. Goro had taken a novel with him- a new one Akira had acquired in a thrift sale- sitting comfortably on one of the benches in Inokashira Park, occasionally glancing over to Yusuke and his growing pile of sketches.

“I’ve noticed something unusual about your sketches, Yusuke. Do you mind if I inquire a bit?”

The artist seemed surprised Goro had taken the initiative to talk to him, but seemed only slightly irritated. “No, I would be pleased to answer if it lies in my power.”

“You’ve…drawn a lot of people passing by, or couples near us and all that. But most of the time, the expression you put down on paper differ vastly from what I observe.” “Ah…you are quite correct, you see. I suppose it is a quirk of mine- I feel like delving deep into someone’s psyche when trying to capture the essence of their self on my sketches.”

“Psyche?”

Yusuke hummed. “You see, I feel like a lot of people wear masks in public- maybe even in private. For example, the couple over there-“ Yusuke pointed at a man and a woman sitting by the lake, chatting amicably “-They seem quite harmonious, don’t they?”

“I suppose?”

“But if you look more closely, you will see the man seems a bit distracted. He hasn’t tilted his body in a way that would prove his full attention to the woman. He’s smiling and nodding at the things she says, but he has yet to open his mouth to add something contributful himself. He also checks his phone quite often whenever he thinks she’s not looking. It makes me think that- he might be bored. Or maybe he doesn’t love her anymore, I can’t say. All that I think of is that the smile he’s serving seems fake- and I don’t want to draw something I can only ‘see’ with my bare eye. So no, I won’t draw him smiling.”

Goro mulled over that. “But that means presuming a lot, correct? Maybe they’re only friends, and not lovers. Maybe he’s hiding something from her and can’t get himself to tell her quite yet. Isn’t it more dangerous to draw conclusions on your own, whilst ignoring what you _can_ see? Like their smiles?”

“That is most certainly correct. I do not dare claim to have actually been able to portray all the strangers passing me by quite correctly. But, I think- even in that error lies beauty, doesn’t it? Humans will always presume and conclude things on their own, even if we were able to communicate each other’s intention all the time. If I think ‘The man looked angry’ even if he was smiling- it will always nag me in the back of my mind, no matter what I do. The real question would be- of how to handle what you can see, combined with what you presume, followed by the question: wherein lies the truth in this all? Is there even a truth, considering each human brings forth their own vision of the world, and we are bound to clash and fight over those visions?”

Yusuke offered him a shy smile, and it occurred to Goro that the artist was a lot more interesting than the quirky crazy guy he’d first judged him as.

Though he certainly was quirky and awkward- that was a fact.

“It’s difficult- to portray this complex idea of someone hiding their true face in public with another face waiting underneath. As you can see- sometimes, my artistic sense tells me this or that person actually felt genuine. But at the same time, I can never be sure I really did capture their essence in a whole.”

“Do you think talking to these people would provide you more insight?”

“Hmmm. I suppose- it is possible. But there’s danger in that, too- for example, if I thought this person looked sad, no matter their outwards appearance, and they tell me they’ve actually been happy on the inside, too- and I’ve been portraying and viewing them wrong all the time- well, it’d certainly throw me in a pinch. I would need to battle what I thought was right or wrong- convince myself her words are the ‘actual’ truth, whilst attempting to tear myself away from my own vision of the world. Essentially, that would…throw me into confusion and quite the vulnerable state.”

“I suppose the question here is what you’d rather believe in: your own opinion, or the one someone else presents to you, despite possible evidence contradicting their statement.” Goro wondered how a conversation about drawing people had led to such a profound discussion.

“Exactly! And this, dearest Akechi, is where one emotion will be either a hindrance or a savior: Trust. I could trust my view of the world- and possibly draw a lie. Or I could be trusted into thinking I was wrong to view the world like this- and be fooled as well. In both scenarios lies the possibility of living a lie, but I suppose it all trails down to what you’d rather believe, and what you can convince yourself of as the ‘absolute truth’. And that- is something you’ll be questioning yourself for the rest of your life, I presume.”

Goro snorted. “I’d hate living a lie, Yusuke. But I guess you’re right when you say we can’t ever be ascertain of what the truth is or not- it is our own construct, in the end.”

“If I may…I dare to say people presume the ‘truth’ to be the thing that makes them happy the most all the time, or-“

“Serve their own self-satisfaction, if you put it in a negative way.”

Yusuke nodded sagely. “If someone told me they loved me- I would convince myself of that being the truth, if it made me happy. But if I wanted to hate on the person-“ “-You would also convince yourself that he was lying, correct? And if this ‘trust’ you’d established with him had been broken-“

“-Then I would most certainly not believe his words as the ‘truth’.”

The two men shared a silent smile, before breaking out in friendly laughter. “I suppose we went a bit off track, didn’t we?”

“Maybe. But I do enjoy these mind trysts with you, Akechi. They’re very refreshing.” “Wait, there is one more thing that interests me- why do you ask people to model nude for you so often?”

Yusuke didn’t even seem surprised at the question. “It has to do with someone laying their soul bare to me, and me being able to depict them in their whole…”

The afternoon spent with Yusuke was probably one of the most tranquil and insightful days Goro had ever had the privilege to enjoy.

But some of his words- left him with a sense of foreboding.

Not the good kind.

***

“Did you have fun?” Akira asked, the ever present smile on his face when the two returned home for dinner. Goro nodded, albeit shyly- while Yusuke hummed: “It was most insightful to have this friend by my side. He helped me reach some artistic peaks today! I need to quickly fill them with life!”

With that, he ran off into his room, not to be seen anymore.

Akira brought Yusuke some food over, ensuring he did get some nutrients inside him at least.

“I’m happy you’re getting along with everyone so well, Akechi.” Akira whispered into the dark room when the lights had already been put out. Goro grumbled something that was lost in the cushions, and Akira chuckled.

“I hope the time you spend with us gives you so much happiness you might burst!”

For some odd reason, Goro had to think of a Featherman R lunch box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the additional bonding scenes? Can you notice some reoccuring things?   
> Can you feel the build-up yet? ;)
> 
> On a more fun note: Yusuke and Goro's discussion gave me life. And yeah, keep this scene in the back of your mind as we progress ;D


	30. You fool, Oracle spoke, time is running, darkness will vanish; abandon the sun and release thy feverish dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More partying because Party! Goro is cute. Also chat format is baccccckk  
> Prepare, guys. We're nearing something that's been bugging you from the beginning of this fic ;)

Time passed by agonizingly slow- and yet, too fast. After two months of walking around like a cripple- both emotionally and physically- Goro was finally able to take his cast off. He had been able to walk without his crutches the last week, but Akira told him not to overdo it and take it easy- which is why he insisted on waiting for another week until Goro finally took the cursed thing off.

Goro felt a surge of confidence, now that he was finally back on his feet- and most importantly, fully capable of doing things on his own.

Though, well, being fed crepes by Akira when Ann had dropped by one time hadn’t been the _worst_ time in his life, he’d admit.

It was also amazing how not-often he had thought about Shido the last two months. Somehow, these dumb idiots had distracted Goro long and inherently enough for him to believe picking out an outfit in the morning truly _was_ difficult if you wanted to look nice. According to Ann.

According to Akira, Goro looked lavishly handsome no matter what he picked, but apparently even a pajama outfit and his bedhair would be able to cause a stroke in Akira’s fragile heart, which is why he asked Goro to ‘tone down his handsomeness’.

Like that was a thing.

Still, Goro had to chuckle at that- something that didn’t went unnoticed by his boyfriend currently sitting in his lap.

Because, Akira said, he was _finally_ able to.

Akira pressed a sloppy kiss to his chin, demanding what had captured Goro’s attention so much. They were at Ann’s, once again- celebrating Goro’s cast being ‘cast off’- Yusuke had some terrible puns. Due to last party’s experience, Akira had invited Hifumi and a red-headed girl called Sumire instead of _those_ two.

Not like he had been forced to interact with Makoto or Haru over the course of these months, though he had been added to a group chat (after being asked). His theory of Haru owning a garden had been confirmed after she frequently sent pictures about her huge green garden- and asked in private if he preferred any particular plants for her to plant.

He politely turned her down.

Makoto, meanwhile, frequently tagged along to group outings whenever possible- sending him icy glares he repelled by causing Akira to show off some PDA.

She also sent him text messages where she taunted him, causing his blood to boil- he’d found a good way to distract himself from those messages were to have Akira pamper his ass all day long, no matter how utterly ridiculous he behaved.

But for some reason, they were also a good wake-up call. To remind himself that this relationship couldn’t last- because the more he got to know about Akira, the more he realized how much the sun shone down on him, and what a…genuinely nice person he was.

Goro hated that.

Goro hated, that no matter how much he dug deeper and deeper into Akira’s personal life- he couldn’t find a single flaw. Couldn’t find anything that so much made him act like a moderately bad person- except that there was this big mystery about his atrociously sexy twin.

But even then, Akira felt big-guilty about it, so that took out the flaw, too.

It made Goro feel defective- like he didn’t deserve Akira. He was sure if he told Akira about his feelings, his boyfriend would break into tears and make it his life mission to convince Goro otherwise- but a small part of Goro’s heart also understood that Goro could never open up to Akira. That he couldn’t tell him about his corrupt father and his dastardly abusive childhood. About the truth of his injuries and who had caused his eviction, wanted to wash him onto the streets.

About what kind of dirty blood stuck on Goro’s fingers, or would be- his violent fantasies about killing Shido with his gun, the one stuck in the precinct in his personal locker. Because it would feel _so_ _fulfilling._

Goro had always known Akira would never, ever understand the twisted and dark mind inside him- and truth be told, now, after all these months- he was afraid. Afraid of the outcome of what would happen if Akira found out who he really was- a pathetic, violent, emotionally dead coward who was destined to die in-

-roughly three months.

The clock ticked on.

Funnily, Goro also suspected- would he tell Akira and his friends someone was out to kill him they’d probably do everything in their power to help. Even Makoto and Haru, because that was just the type of people Akira attracted.

And Goro was so sure that it would end up with all of them dead- unable to do anything else as he watched everyone succumb to their earthly life-span, possibly even being forced to kill them himself in a last effort to gain Shido’s trust.

He wasn’t sure he’d still be quite human if he was forced into such a decision, and he wasn’t ready to find out.

Because, frankly, fuck Akira- but he had succeeded in manipulating Goro to feel _something._ Ren would later correct him and say Goro himself allowed himself to develop feelings- that no human had the power to cause such a thing on his own.

Goro wasn’t so sure.

Because here he was- the oh-so-great Detective Prince in the fangs of a seemingly flawless human who wanted to shower him in love.

Great.

“Hey, don’t ignore me!” Akira poked his cheek, an adorable pout on his face- and it took Goro’s breath away, everytime he stared into those noire eyes and it would reflect him in his whole.

Goro let his head fall into the crook of Akira’s neck, opting to escape the power of that gaze. “Do tell me how I’m supposed to ignore someone who’s literally invading my personal space by sitting on my lap and reminding me he’s there everytime I even attempt to move.”

“But you know you like it, right?”

Goro kissed the stupid smile right off his face.

Similar to his welcome party, everyone was pretty much minding their own business, joining him for a talk here and there, or participating in party games. Only this time, the atmosphere was much less restrained- and often, Goro was ambushed by two or more people at the same time, bickering about trivial topics and asking for his opinion.

Akira remained by his side, but he did wander off here and there from time to time.

The newest additons- Hifumi and Sumire- weren’t…that bad. He did know Hifumi briefly, after all, and accepted her challenge for a Shogi match quite quickly.

Sumire was a bit different- she was aiming to become a worldwide gold medalist in gymnastics and acrobatics. Goro also quickly assessed her to be one of the “way-too-oblivious-to-notice-you’re-insulting-her-all-the-time” type. It was funny to tease her, but he was aware of the fact that she had been among the girls crushing on Akira- maybe it was better to keep his guard up.

And participate in the excessive PDA Akira was only allowed to enact in these safe places without any reporters possibly spotting them.

As the evening transgressed into the night, Goro’s head begun fogging up pleasantly. So what if he was a dead man with less than four months to live? At least he’d try this ‘normal’ way of living out before he was inevitably erased from earth’s existence.

And life wasn’t so unpleasant when you had an extremely clingy boyfriend whining into your ear about how much more attention you were paying to everyone else but him. The whining was annoying- the fact that Goro was the center of Akira’s world…not so much.

Still, Goro hadn’t progressed in letting people so close to him that he would spend a night at Ann’s, and so, as soon as Akira grew sleepy, Goro got up to order them a taxi and leave. Today’s evening had been peaceful and much happier than before, though Makoto’s words haunted Goro to the day.

Well, she didn’t matter.

Akira had told him he wouldn’t jump Goro’s bones the second he had ripped off his cast, meaning they would still be sleeping in separate beds for tonight. Unless Goro requested differently.

The raven sleepily passed out as soon as he had changed into his pajamas and gone through his usual routine of smothering Goro in kisses before falling dead asleep. Not even a volcano erupting would wake him now.

In this quiet moment of one of the most peaceful nights Goro had ever witnessed, he allowed himself a moment of self-indulgence, caressing Akira’s mussy hair and lulling him into an even deeper sleep. Despite the fact that the latter was long gone, Goro could make out some incoherent mumblings. “Mhhm…Love you…Kechi…Heart…Mine…Can have mine instead…”

_Hm, he’s still a sap, even asleep._

Goro tore himself away, walking into the living room to calm his racing heart and wash off his sweaty palms- _this is all because I had to carry the fool into his bed, nothing else._ On the way into the dark living room, he bypassed many group paintings or sketches or commemorative pictures that had found their way onto the doors and walls over the course of two months- many old pictures had been hung off to include more of Goro’s moments. The fact that he was never much of a talker at whatever gathering they had never really bothered anyone, though some (Akira, mostly, and then Ann) coaxed him out of his prickly shell to enjoy the time and participate more actively nevertheless.

He was only mildly surprised as his phone vibrated, expecting Ann to check in whether they had arrived safely or not- _she always checks in, the idiot-_ but he was torn out of his foggy pleasantness when he saw an unknown number pop up.

_Unknown (02:40): hello? Detective Prince?_

Goro felt his blood freeze. Was this Shido? What did he want? And- why? A million thoughts flooded his brain at once, the cozy drunkenness long gone, replaced by a frenzy mind and a racing heart. The attempt to calm it would be pretty much useless now.

With shaky fingers and a dry mouth- fuck, he needed something to drink- he typed back.

_Me (02:50): Who is this?_

_Unknown (02:51): so I kinda need to know if u r akechi or not or else this is pointless_

_Me (02:52): yes_

_Unknown (02:55): Oh, nice! Wait, but how do I know it’s the real one and not some scam?_

_Me (02: 55): If you don’t tell me your identity right this instant, I will block you_

_Unknown (02:56): 2 bad 4 u! I can always hack myself right back_

Hack herself back? There was only one person that could fit the criteria- and Goro’s heart stopped racing for- well, a second. Albeit the danger that it had been Shido was gone now, he wondered what on earth had made the ginger-haired girl reach out to him.

Or how Ren was doing.

The two small notes were hidden in his duffle bag, shielded from the world to see- though the ink had begun to fade a bit.

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:58): hehehehe I saved my contact name_

_Me (02:59): What on earth do you want, Sakura?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:00): its futaba dummie! Futaba_

A thought occurred to Goro.

_Me (03:00): I sure hope you haven’t resorted to hacking and stalking me as well. I will sue if that happened_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:01): Noononnononooo_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:02): I mean except this one_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:02): where I uh changed my contact name. I remembered my old phone number_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:03): which is how I contacted u_

_Me (03:04): At 3 am. What for?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:05): uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:06): okay so this is gonna sound weiiiiiiird_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:06): n maybe a lilllllll more than weiiiiiirdd_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:07): but I kinda need ur help…._

_This caused Goro to raise his eyebrows, before realizing Futaba probably hadn’t hacked the cam and couldn’t see him react._

_Me (03:08): I don’t do charity_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:10): tf!!!! How about u listen first???_

_Me (03:11): Not interested. Now if you would excuse me, I’d love to go and sleep_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:12): But ITS ABOUT RENNNNNN_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:12): Ur sorta crush??? Boyfriend??? Ex??? Heck if I kno_

_Me (03:13): ._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:13): omg u literally sent an almost blank message but with a dot_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:14): that’s cute_

_Me (03:14): My patience is running thin spit it out. Whats the issue._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:15): so hes been kiiiinda weird these past two months_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:16): well especially these last 5 weeks I guess_

_Me (03:17): so? I fail to see the problem. He’s always been weird._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:17): nooo nooo this is different!!!!_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:18): I mean hes literally stopped stalking KiraKira altogether_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:18): esp for so long. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED B4 I REPEAT EMERGENCY_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:18): CODE RED CODE RED_

_Me (03:18): I fail to see the problem???_

So this was…odd. Goro was sure Ren had been watching their every step the last two months- but apparently he had only been intruding his brother’s privacy for three weeks? It was…certainly unusual, but it wasn’t necessarily Goro’s problem to take care of this in the least.

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:19): but hes also been rly sad_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:19): like I only noticed now but hes. Hes not rly fun to be around anymore_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:19): hes starting to act like some responsible adult and **I HATE IT**_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:19): I just want him to be happy and fun again._

This elicited a sneer out of Goro. Ren was suffering under some midlife crisis? Well, that certainly didn’t have anything to do with Goro now, had it?

Even if he had never really stopped thinking why on earth he’d been thrown out of the apartment in forever.

_Me (03:20): And that has to do with me how?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:20): well he was happy with u,,,_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:20): at least he laughed more and was funnier to be around with_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:20): and I mean fine, if the only problem was that he was less funny_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:21): I guess I wouldn’t be writing u_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:21): but now hes even stopped his stalking tendencies!!!_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:21): and that’s serious af_

_Me (03:21): I still fail to see the problem. It’s a good thing he stopped prying into his brother’s affairs, isn’t it?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:21): but hes thinking of leaving you know_

_Me (03:22): what do you mean_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:22): he said he wants to leave town or some shit. Quit his jobs and just_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:22): disappear_

Goro expected her to write on, but Futaba remained quiet. It was odd that Ren was thinking of just, well- leaving all this behind. Some part of Goro felt oddly disappointed Ren hadn’t kept up with the effort he’d put in in seducing his twin the past two months- though their game had long subsided, of course.

And it was more accurate to say that Akira seduced him, not the other way round, but Goro would never admit to that.

Goro could never let go of his competitive streak.

But abandoning his brother? Ren wasn’t the type for that.

_Me (03:30): Ren would never, not even over his own death, abandon his brother_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:30): Yeah but hes been googling flight tickets all around the world_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:30): and most of them??? Are insane. Like what the fuck does he want in Africa_

_Me (03:31): you could ask him that yourself. Maybe he just wants to go on a self trip_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:31): ok but he also looked up how much selling a liver costs_

_Me (03:31): but he probably knows you look up his search history??? And does that to fop you???_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:31): look I just want one thing_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:31): cant u like. Visit him one more time? Just once? Get a coffee or smth?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:31): if u do that I will help u with my skills however you want_

Goro was about to shoot her off and block her – what did he care if Ren was suffering? Ren was the one who didn’t want him in his life, he made that clear when he threw Goro out- why would it help if he came back?

But suddenly the fogginess in his brain parted ways for another dangerous idea as he relished the meaning of Futaba’s words once more.

_She will help me with her hacker skills- no matter what for._

There was a very, very luxurious opportunity here- to answer a question that burned Goro’s dead soul so much it could bring him back to life.

But before he hashed out a deal with her, there were details to be discussed.

_Me (03:40): You said you would offer me your skills._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): yeeeeeee_

_Me (03:41): Are you able to hack into the National Tokyo Police Department and grant me access to password-locked files without leaving any trace behind?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): wow that’s awfully specific_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): but also yeah. Piece of cake._

Goro’s heart was racing like he’d just run an endless marathon and not stopped once- giving full power.

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): I mean I can honestly kinda guess what you want tbh_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): and lucky u! I already copied and stole Ren’s file ages ago hhh_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:41): I don’t understand why he keeps this as a shitty secret._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:42): its so unfair! What happened back then._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:42): look I’ve never talked about it properly with him since he refuses_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:42): but he didn’t deserve this and he deserves a much better life_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:42): and its not my place to say this but as much as I love KiraKira_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:43): eve tho ive literally only stalked him for like, what, 1+ year_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:43): I don’t understand Ren’s obsessive need 2 sacrifice himself for him_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:43): Ren is like a brother to me and I think he deserves to be happy too_

_Me (03:44): So in exchange for his file I will be required to go and visit Leblanc once, right?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:44): I mean u need to meet him and at least say hi but yah_

_Me (03:44): Deal._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:44): !!! No shitting me here, right?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:44): bcs I can be vicious and expose u to the world if u break ur promise_

_Me (03:44): Well, I will only stop by once I’ve received and read the file. And I can’t tell you a proper date._

_Me (03:44): But it’s not like I could resist swinging by after reading his record, anyway._

_Me (03:45): Essentially, though none of my business- aren’t you betraying him here?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:50): I know what I’m doing is wrong. But I also know_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:52): that you’re possibly the only one that could help him_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:53): and if pulling him out of escaping to Africa means betraying him_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:53): well_

_Me (04:00): I see. How noble your motive is, though selfish and self-centered all the same._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:01): Hey!_

_Me (04:02): I could cover you up, of course. Tell him I got my hands on his file on work, But you’d owe me._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:02): nah. Its fine. Its not okay if he hates me but_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:03): I don’t trust you as much as I trust Ren._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:03): Hes gonna be hella mad but its not like I had any other choice DX_

_Me (04:03): Send me the file in the most encrypted manner possible._

_Me (04:04): I will be at work on Monday. I want to receive it at exactly 10.30pm. It will be closing time. I’ll be alone._

_Me (04:04): Don’t disappoint me,_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:04): suuuuure easy thing_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:05): u want it on the pc or your phone?_

_Me (04:05): Phone._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:06): The file will erase itself exactly 12h after being opened for the first time._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:06): You’ll probably only need half an hour to read it at most, anyway._

_Me (04:06): Alright._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (04:07): Please set Ren free, Akechi._

Only later would Goro understand the weird sentimentality Futaba gave off.

For now, he felt filled with glee and utter impatience, like a child waiting to rip open their presents before it was time yet. Not like he’d ever received presents, but you know.

Giddy, Goro returned to his and Akira’s shared room, filled with excitement. He felt so elated that -spotting the figure lying on the ground- didn’t even think twice about squeezing himself back in the lonely bed, instead letting himself fall face flat next to his sleeping boyfriend, wiggling under the covers.

Akira grumbled sleepily, never opening his eyes, even as Goro grabbed him by the waist and pulled him close, burying Akira’s head in his chest and, in turn, nuzzling his face into the black mop of hair-

-slightly disappointed by the lack of coffee smell, instead greeted by the smell of cheap shampoo.

Well, whatever. He’d settle with it for now.

***

On Monday, Akira pulled Akechi over into one of the private bathroom stalls, making sure no one was near before kissing him senseless.

“I’m looking forward to what we can discover about each other now that you’re fully healed, Akechi. Promise me not to get hurt again soon, alright?”

“Hah. As if I’m the one in control for that.”

Akira chastised him. “You _are_ in control of not engaging into physical combat if you could just pull a gun and let if go off a mile away. Your aiming skills are good enough for that.”

“That sounds- highly debatable. The use of weapon is only allowed in life-threatening situations. Besides, I am hardly ever allowed to take the gun on missions, anyway.” “Then don’t accept any dangerous cases for now? Fine, okay, I know that’s ridiculous of me to say. I just- if something seems dangerous _outside_ your work- promise me to walk away?”

Goro sighed. “Fine.”

He earned himself another feverish kiss, and a glowing smile. “I love you, Akechi.”

Akechi only hummed in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said Goro only stops typing properly when he gets really worked up? Hehe~
> 
> Do you like Goro and Akira more, or are you drawn back to Goro and Ren?  
> Tell me, tell me! Leave a comment if you feel like it! I hope the tension build up is working; we're nearing a dark secret ;D
> 
> Won't be able to press out more chapters today, tho- sorry lol. Guess you'll have to wait and see till tomorrow. And leave me some comments if you want until then, because there's nothing sweeter than waking up to comments about your fic ;)))  
> And kudos, of course!


	31. The Fool begets felony, forgetting who he was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is pounding as I post this and it went into a frenzy when I edited the chapter- which is funny because I obviously know what happens.  
> Enjoy! (or maybe that's the wrong word, but telling you to suffer would be terrible LOL)

Goro Akechi wasn’t impatient. Ever.

But today was different. It was Monday- _still_ Monday- when all the questions and the mystery burning in the back of his mind would finally be resolved- so wasn’t it fine for him to be a _little_ impatient and drum his fingers while waiting the clock to finally progress beyond 8pm?

Sae noticed his impatience, decided to tease him on it. “What’s up, Akechi? Rare to see you this eager. Are you looking forward to closing the precinct today, or is it your notorious boyfriend?”

Goro laughed his friendly TV laugh. “Please, Miss Nijima- you’re embarrassing me. It’s neither. I am just…in a good mood, I suppose.”

Sae sent him a look that said she was clearly not buying his bullshit at all, but left him to his own devices.

The day couldn’t pass by fast enough. Goro buried himself in his workload, and even had the time to pick up some college work on the by, earning him a respectful nod by Sae.

When the precinct emptied, all his colleagues finally trickling out, Goro made extra sure to make another round and throw out any potential people lurking around- sure, there were also security cameras watching and filming his every move, but he knew their positions and how to adjust his pose so it would look like he was just scrolling through his phone without the content being discernable.

10:30pm.

It was time.

When Akechi’s phone binged, he almost hurled the phone across the room. Impatiently and with hurried hands, he opened the file, skimming across the most vital information- he’d skip the pictures attached to the file for now, he could take a look at them later.

**\------- Case File: No. 20304-------**

**Date: XX/XX/20XX**

**Suspect: Ren Amamiya**

Amamiya? Wasn’t his name- Kurusu?

The sense of dread that had clung to Goro’s bones returned once more, sending an icy chill through his body. He really did know nothing about Ren, didn’t he?

**Age during time of felony: 17**

**Criminal offence (first offense) : Suspect tried sexually assaulting and abusing victim on 1X/0X/20XX around 21:04pm. Victim said she was on her way home when he attacked her from behind and tackled her to the ground, threatening her with a knife. A witness called the police to get help and engaged in direct contact with the suspect, with the witness being brutally smashed against the ground and suffering under severe head trauma and wounds. Police arrived at the scene and arrested the young man.**

**Due to this being his first offense and his young age, suspect was put on probation and surveillance for a year. Should he remain discreet, probation will end after one year.**

Goro’s heart was beating so fast, he felt like it was lurching out of his throat anytime now. It wasn’t exactly the report that put him on edge- it was how falsified and fake it sounded right from the beginning to the end.

The report was lacking definite details- there was no attachment in where said ‘witness’ or ‘victim’ were listed with their personal information, making it unable to trace back who exactly had been attacked in the first place or not. There was no attachment in where the weapon- the knife- had been portrayed or explained in detail, either. No fingerprint attachment, except the one they scanned in the precinct. Who had arrested Ren? That information wasn’t included, either, no matter how many times Goro skimmed the case file over and over.

Most importantly…there was no mention of family background, vital information when it came to assessing a situation that could have clouded a 17 year old into assaulting someone. Cases like these required a special investigator and a therapist to formally turn in another report about the suspect’s family situation and his general state of mind.

None of that was here, obviously.

Besides that- the most important question burning at the back of Goro’s mind was- was Ren even capable of such a thing? Sexual assault and attacking people with a knife seemed like the work of a psychopath. Now, Goro knew Ren frequently slept around with his circle of friends- but had any of them ever been coerced into doing so? Did he seem like the type to threaten people with a weapon to pleasure himself- even if Goro didn’t even know Ren five years ago?

Considering how often and how strongly Goro had thrown himself onto him, and the fact that Ren had a lot of other things to threaten him with – it seemed…highly unlikely. Ren did have…well, criminal tendencies like hacking into his brother’s phone or blackmailing, but as far as Goro was concerned- that had been all he’d ever done. And his weird connection to the Yakuza- which Goro hadn’t figured out in the slightest yet.

Futaba had said the things that had happened back then were unfair. Akira had said similar things.

This file reeked.

But apparently, it wasn’t over yet. There was more.

**Criminal offence (second offense): Due to highly violent nature, suspect engaged in another brawl with student his age after being transferred to a new school on 2X/0X/20XX, not even a month after his first assault. Victim no.2 suffered under severe injuries, had to visit the hospital. Suspect refused to state the reason he engaged in fight. Victim no.2 claimed he had been sexually harassing female students the past month and was about to assault another girl. Victim no.2 stepped in to protect the girl, ending in a brutal fistfight.**

**Due to repeated assault and highly violent nature, suspect will be suspended from school indefinitely and sent to juvenile prison for 5 months. If suspect shows remorse, shall be on probation for only two more years. If not, three with the possibility of probation being prolonged, return to juvenile detention always an option.**

There was a last entry, dated five months after- probably after Ren had left juvie.

**Suspect showed no sign of remorse, even going as far as offending the police officer. Will be put under probation for 4 years, possibility of prolonging or return to juvenile prison.**

Goro took a deep breath.

Once.

Twice.

Then he skimmed the file for images of the supposed crimes, his heart beating wildly- afraid the phone would slip out of his sweaty-turning palms.

_No image of the scene where Ren had assaulted the victim in his first offense. No picture of the victim or the witness- no statement of the victim saying she didn’t want to be mentioned in the case. Obviously no image of claimed ‘knife’. No image depicting the wounds of the second victim, or the girl that had been supposedly assaulted as a repeated offense. Missing statement from her as well._

Nothing.

There were exactly two pictures- one had been taken of Ren on the day he had supposedly done committed his first assault.

Goro took a closer look on the picture, cursing himself for not viewing this on a computer. Ren was sitting on a chair, looking extremely miffy- his raven hair was a total mess, a few leafs sticking out here and there. His eyebrows were drawn taut, the line of his lips tilted downwards, yet his gaze remained fierce and unwilling to bow to anyone. There were a few minor injuries on his face- his cheek was awfully red, his nose was bleeding a little, his lips were ripped open here and there- maybe from the ‘witness’ fighting back?

But when Goro skimmed his face for more details, he felt the world stop.

There was a tiny mole under the fierce-looking teenager’s eye.

_No._

_That…can’t be, can it?_

Goro felt like he had stopped breathing for a second, the axis of the world turning lopsided.

Had Ren taken the fall in his brother’s stead? Was _Akira_ the perpetrator behind these incidents? Had Akira framed his brother in his place?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, what? What was _going_ on? Sure, he’d suspected Ren had taken up some sort of crime for Akira, but this? Akira wasn’t the one sent on probation. Akira- though as weird and quirky and awfully clingy and needy and disgustingly friendly and loving as he was- had never seemed to be a hidden sociopath hiding assault history.

Goro felt like the world stopped spinning, the dimly lit room around him losing sustenance. Somehow, reading the case brought up more questions than before.

Other pieces of the puzzle began to make sense. Akira’s statement that he was studying law for a specific person- he was probably feeling guilty for what happened to Ren (whatever had happened?). He was most likely under the impression that if he entered the law world, he could try and overturn the case.

It wouldn’t bring back the years lost, or the experience of rotting away in juvenile detention.

Goro sincerely hoped it had been at least one of the better juvenile detention centers. Shido had put him in some as teenager when he acted out too often- and those?

Abominable.

_But if Akira had- possibly- assaulted a woman in his first offense, what is the second offense about? Had Ren tried imitating his brother and- no, that’s ridiculous, discard the thought. Ren had been sent here on probation five years ago- I remember him saying something of the sort. He was taken in by the owner of that flimsy café. But then Ren got into trouble- assaulting a girl? Somehow, that doesn’t seem credible. I can imagine him getting into a fistfight, but not for said reasons._

What on earth had gone down all those years ago? And why on earth had the twins stopped keeping in contact? Had Akira been afraid his crimes would come to light if he kept up contact with the person who took the fall for him?

Goro clicked on the second and last image attached to the case. It was dated on the day Ren got out of juvenile detention after almost half a year.

This one- was unmistakably Ren, even though it was a much younger version, and it made Goro almost double over in laughter.

His hair hadn’t been as messy as today, neither as long- it was a rather short hairstyle, with his raven hair only slightly reaching over his ears. His eyes were still glittering with mirth, because the most outstanding feature of the picture was the fact that Ren was flipping off whoever was in charge of taking the picture of him, alongside the fact that he was boldly sticking out his tongue as well.

Goro even spotted a few small dark dots on the picture near Ren’s ear- piercings were not allowed in juvie, Goro knew that- but he didn’t know if Ren hadn’t just done them himself as soon as he was out.

Because it would certainly fit him.

How the picture had even been able to make it into an official police file, Goro didn’t know- but it screamed ‘Fuck you’ so much, he couldn’t help but let out a snicker.

There was one more page in the case Goro hadn’t skimmed over yet. It usually only contained the official proceedings in more detail and official information of which department was assigned et cetera. Goro was right in presuming those pages would be flimsily empty as well- but one thing was of utmost interest. No matter how forged and fake a case was, Goro knew someone had to put down his name as the official case-leader, alongside his representatives. He was responsible for the case and most of its outcome, and in case there was something fishy, he would have to take the fall.

With his heartbeat increasing into supernova levels, Goro scrolled down the almost blank page with shaky hands- maybe he knew the lead investigator, maybe he could get some details out of him.

But the initials awaiting him punched Goro so hard, he could have been physically slapped a million times over and over and it wouldn’t compare to the extreme shock that awaited him.

**Lead investigator: TMF**

_TMF._

_There’s exactly one single person out there who had the privilege of putting down fake initials to cover up his crimes._

_I’ve always thought how funny it was it coincided with the initials of ‘That Motherfucker’._

Shido.

_Shido._

_For fuck’s sake._

Goro knew this file stunk- all the way to the moon and back- but now, with those initials, this whole case took on a different dimension.

Masayoshi Fucking Shido had his hidden initials put down here.

As the ‘’Lead investigator’ even- as if he’d even do so much as raise a finger when it came to his dirty work. His lackeys would take care of that, and of course- there were several other hidden initials of co-investigators and judges Goro knew associated and adored Shido.

But.

There was one more thing.

Now, the fact that Shido had his claws involved in this case was an absolute criterion that most of what Goro read so far was fake and forged- maybe even entirely, except of course- the consequences. It would absolutely explain the missing information of almost all the people directly involved or hurt by Akira or Ren.

But.

Goro’s world slowly started churning again- on its unhinged axis- as he put together former missing pieces of the puzzle.

Most importantly, the undying loyalty or guilt both twins felt towards the other.

Goro had always been puzzled how someone like Akira could love him so unconditionally and thoroughly. How he _never_ lost patience, even exceeding the patience of saints. How he _never_ blamed Goro for anything, how he always took care not to overstep Goro’s boundaries, how he seemed so desperate to keep Goro close, didn’t force him to do anything, how he heeded to Goro’s calls like a starving dog-

How he kept up with Goro from the beginning of last year, when Ren’s probation had presumably run out- right, Ren had never kept up with the media, didn’t recognize Goro at all- but Akira had. Akira knew a lot about him- had turned on that one TV show and claimed to be obsessed with him ever since.

Akira knew who Goro was- that he was a detective- Akira had changed fucking _university_ for him, a dedication that was more obsession- all for love?

 _No,_ Goro chuckled, slow and unbelieving.

No, a simple research on Goro in the internet would reveal whose son he was- Masayoshi piece-of-shit Shido loved to emphasize his kind heart for orphans and his own lost children, of course.

There was only one conclusion to all of this.

Whatever had happened all those years ago had involved Shido- pissing him off so much he’d tried ruining a child’s future- _very common, really_. Nothing new.

But it had involved – first and foremost- Akira. Ren had somehow ended up being the one to take the blame, ultimately destroying his entire life and career choices as Akira finished highschool and ended up in Tokyo to study law- presumably all for his brother’s sake, to make up what happened four years ago. Then, he stumbled upon Goro- flawless Detective Prince Akechi Goro visiting a university accessible for normal people, and he was conveniently also Shido’s son. A possible connection to solving this disaster of a case.

Akira wanted to help his brother, but trying and defaming a rising politician was hard without any connections to the upper class. Enter Akechi Goro- son of said rising politician, accessible for normal people and fans. The son of the guy who ruined his brother’s - or his own- entire life, and a son keeps in contact with his father for obvious reasons.

Need Goro even say more?

Laughter escaped his lips, and at first, it was quiet laughter- disbelief and shock running up and down his spine at the speed of light and electricity. His laughter grew, however, the longer and more he recalled Akira’s sweet talks…

‘Don’t get hurt’

‘You’re safe here’

‘Stay by my side’

‘I’m not going to respect your boundaries forever, but for now – you may take your time’.

‘I’m looking forward to what we can learn about each other’

_Learn about each other? Ha! As if this cunning bastard didn’t already know._

Goro’s was supposed to turn into a helpless, lovestruck fool, who would be ready to do about anything to lighten the mood of his sad, heart-broken boyfriend.

Emotional manipulation _was_ the easiest way to ensure someone as difficult as himself would stay by Akira’s side- he was incapable of procuring love, after all.

Wasn’t it all very ironic? How Goro had wanted to seduce Akira and break his heart to get back at Ren- or not get back at Ren, because when he was thrown out of Ren’s apartment, the last thing on his mind was talking to him ever again- and yet, Akira was the mastermind all along! Scheming how to win Goro over for himself- to ensure Akira and Ren had some sort of connection to Shido. What better way than to seduce him and steal his heart? And oh, the poor guy didn’t have any real friends, either- maybe if he gave Goro friends, Goro would see even less of a reason to leave the cocoon of being Akira’s boyfriend.

Ren probably didn’t know- Goro did consider they had been collaborating for a second, but it didn’t make much sense. Ren hadn’t known him after all, and he showed even less interest in searching information about Goro when he had Futaba to inform him of anything he needed to know.

Like the fact that Akira wanted to befriend Goro.

Besides, thanks to the stupid, unnecessary feelings Goro held for Ren, it would have been much easier to just have Ren become his boyfriend instead of Akira- and he always felt more connected to Ren than Akira, anyway. Yet Ren refused to take their- relationship was the wrong word, so let’s say Ren refused to take the whatever-the-fuck-they-had any further, even though it did anger Goro and procured the possibility of the detective growing sick and leaving Ren.

Speaking of, Futaba probably knew he was Shido’s son- but what else did she know? She said Ren didn’t discuss his past with her, never- and it could have been a lie, considering Goro had been living a lie for the past three months. Considering what a good hacker she was, finding out who truly hid behind TMF would still prove to be difficult, though- Goro knew because he himself acted on Shido’s orders, but anyone else outside of his circle?

But why did she write ‘Set Ren free?’ if she didn’t know? Did she truly believe Goro, a flimsy, sad excuse of a detective could overturn a case this corrupted?

Whatever it was, Futaba and Ren were less of a problem at the moment.

What was important was to get rid- erase _anything -_ leading back to the traitorous bastard who was so cunning he’d tricked Goro into thinking he was in a loving relationship.

That Goro had been experiencing true, unconditional love.

_Why did I forget that nothing in this world could ever be real?_

The first thing Goro did after he closed the file- there wasn’t anything more to inquire, anyway- was that he went straight to the bathroom and flushed down the entire content of the dinner Akira had packed him.

Then he threw the lunch box- it was a plain, black one- into the trash labeled ‘to be burned later’.

He didn’t really plan on it, but when he lurched over the toilet and retched out his entire stomach, well.

At least that helped cleanse him of more food.

He felt the itch to scratch away or burn all those places Akira had lovingly pressed kisses onto, but Goro realized it’d mean setting his entire upper body on fire, and that was kind of not an option.

There was no way Goro could go and spend even another minute with those fake, traitorous eyes staring at him. Still, he found himself mechanically taking the way to Akira’s apartment after closing and locking the precinct-

-if he was never going to associate with the bastard again, he could at least get rid of his emotions by yelling at him one more time.

Before he left, however- he wanted to look up one more thing. He booted up one of the computers, searching and clicking around to a case he’d worked on seven years ago.

There was a hunch he had to investigate.

***

Goro arrived faster than he’d liked.

Obviously, he had keys. He decided he’d be so kind and throw the key into the postbox instead of abandoning them on the street- he knew how expensive changing locks and keys were, after all.

For the first time in a very long time, he rang the doorbell, hoping a specific someone would open the door.

And speak of the bastard, he shall appear.

Akira looked disheveled, his usual pajamas already donned on and a smile on his face as he grabbed Goro and drew him into a tight hug. “You’re back awfully late, Akechi!”

Goro obviously didn’t move his hands in the slightest- they only twitched in retaliation of not being able to choke Akira then and there.

Instead, with his sweetest, sickliest voice, he replied: “Honey, I’m home.”

It had the desired effect. Akira bounced away as if he’d been burned- his cheeks flushed red. “Whoa, you’ve _never_ resorted to pet names, Akechi. Is today a special day? Hey, come inside already- it’s really could outside.”

Goro sniggered. “Oh, why yes, Akira. It’s- a great day, honestly.” The smile plastered on his face grew, and as such did his laughter, growing louder and louder until he was nearly doubling over. “To think- that I fell for your stupid façade all day long- tell me, was it fun? Did you have fun, hm?”

Akira’s flush disappeared, a concerned frown appearing on his face instead. “Uh, Akechi? Are you- okay?”

“Okay? Am I okay? Oh, you really are- funny, Akira. Really. Why don’t you tell me if I’m okay, hm?” Goro didn’t even want to, but there was still laughter bubbling forth out of him like a fountain drew water- relentlessly, and yet oh so out of his control.

“To think-“ Suddenly, there was venom in his voice, enormous amount of venom, “That a group of losers- like you- would be able to affect _me! The Ace Detective!”_

Even in his own opinion, the tone of his voice had grown frantic, maniac. Akira’s concerned frown deepened, and he tried to reach out- to possibly drag Goro inside- but the second his arm drew near, Goro slapped it away as hard as he could, drawing a wince out of Akira.

“What the fuck- Akechi! If you’re angry- and you seem to be- let’s just- talk it out inside, okay? With tea, and cookies, and-“

“Do you really think I give a _shit-”_ Goro was screaming now, he knew, but he wasn’t in control anymore “-About your cookies?!”

“Hey, I mean, the cookie didn’t do anything wrong?”

Goro erupted into more laughter, though it sounded more like the laughter of a crazy lunatic. “Of course- the cookie didn’t. But you did, didn’t you? Akira? Sweet, innocent Akira, whom everybody thinks of as if he couldn’t hurt a fly? Oh, this is- great- really- the funniest joke I’ve heard in _years!”_ “Akechi, I’m honestly concerned right now, what’s going-“

Goro abruptly snapped out of his crazy laughter, grabbing Akira by the collar of his shirt and dragging him oh-so-close- their noses and their foreheads were touching so lovingly that Akira couldn’t look anywhere but at Goro- because Goro had to know, had to _see-_

“I know everything”, he whispered, calm like the storm of an eye, “I know what happened five years ago, my dearest, sweetest Akira.”

Goro was smiling, smiling, smiling, smiling so much it physically _hurt-_ but apparently, Akira wasn’t ready to confess just yet. The raven’s expression turned sour.

“Do you mean you- looked up Ren’s file? Hey, that’s not okay, Akechi- even for you.”

Goro didn’t have anything to return to that but laughter. “Even for me, hm? Tell me, Akira- did you know I hate you? That I look down on you with every fiber of my being?!” His scream echoed through the night, and yet, Akira didn’t even flinch, returning his high-pitched scream with an indignant glare. “You’re spouting nonsense, Akechi. Please, if you would just calm down for _one_ minute-“

“Calm down? _Calm down?_ Me? Oh, that’s rich- really. Really!”

Akira tried pulling himself away from Goro’s tight grip, and all the yelling had caused Ryuji to step out of the living room with a concerned frown. “Guys, what’s up? Can you keep the couple bickering down?”

“I wonder”, Goro hissed, his gaze firmly remaining on Akira, “Does Ryuji know? Did you set him up, too? Was this all part of your grand scheme?!”

“What the fuck, Akechi? Can you like, keep it together for _one_ fucking minute, I-“

“No, no, no, Akira- you’re not getting away. I know you know who I am. I know you know who my father is. You do, don’t you? And that was the reason you approached me all along- why you tried tying me to you. You know who Shido is. You know who I am. And you wanted me- for that exact reason.”

_Please tell me I’m wrong._

Goro knew the face of a guilty person. He’d hidden it often himself.

The question was, had Akira?

The flicker in Akira’s eyes that extinguished his anger, giving way for his pupils to widen in shock- the hesitancy he eluded as his mouth dropped slack and his voice shaking with fear as he said “Wait, wait, Akechi, I can-“

It told Goro everything he needed to know.

_Why?_

Something snapped inside of Goro- or maybe it’d be more precise to say it broke, shattered into million, tiny pieces.

_Why why why?_

And it was safe to assume it would never be put together to its former state again.

“Shut up, shut up, _shut up!”_

With a power he didn’t know he possessed, he sent Akira flying backwards onto the floor, and the raven crashed to the ground as Ryuji yelled out a “What the _fuck?!”_ storming to his groaning friend.

Of course. It was always about Akira. Akira, Akira, Akira- Akira who was beloved and protected by all, Akira who had it all, Akira who even got away from sitting in detention and being sent to juvie even though Shido had targeted him-

Akira who had told him he loved Goro with every fiber of his being.

Akira the liar.

_If I broke one thing for every lie you told me, would the world still stand tomorrow?_

“Goodbye, Akira. May we never meet again.”

Goro vanished in the dark, ignoring the calls and yells from the two boys behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing is, Goro was always afraid his 'journey' with Akira would turn out to be wrong and false because he still doesn't think he's deserving of love (though he wants it badly). And anything relating to Shido sets him into a frenzy, so connecting Akira and Shido together?  
> Ouch. Yikes. No wonder he just goes ballistic.
> 
> So maybe I lied when I said the twin's mystery gets resolved because...the file threw up more questions than whatnot lol. And things are still not as they seem, so you'll have to wait and see what happens further until you can be sure of what really happened! ;D I'm sure you all already suspected Shido and Akira to have a connection like in Canon (because that was what I aimed for) buuuuuut...everything else concerning them and the twins in general is still shrouded in mystery, file or no file.
> 
> Funnily, the day I had to write how Goro loses his shit (aka this chapter) it was also the day Robbie Daymond released that audio for the #GoodbyeGoro campaign and needless to say, I listened to it over and over again to capture the essence of a mad Goro lmao. Hopefully that succeeded.
> 
> Lemme know what you think! Did Akira lie? Was Ren a conspirator, or was he not? Did Akira's friends know and lie to Goro as well? Or does he just like....need to step back and calm down for a hot minute lol.   
> I love what a dramatic ass bitch he's being with his goodbye tho like...do you really think this is over just like that, Goro??? Did you forget this fic contains dealing with your problems???


	32. The fool, in the darkness, he reaches; he attempts himself at love- could it be? Is he capable of besting it? Not alone, that much for sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *predatory screeching in the background* This is the longest chapter ever. It has 15k, guys. And I'm SO EXCITED TO SHARE. So many things are revealed...and yet still, mysteries remain.  
> But also: Ren reappears. You know what that means ;)  
> Enjoy!

It had been a very quiet day in Leblanc. It had been so boring, Ren had even begun spamming Futaba with unnecessary content. After a while, she’d stopped reacting, however, leaving him moping and bored. Sojiro told him to get it together, but how could he, when Sojiro himself had left the store to Ren after merely two hours in the morning? ‘I can smell there will be no costumer influx today’- that was his excuse to leave. Well, then why did Ren have to stay here? It was unfair, really.

He’d already finished cleaning and vacuuming the place, ready to jump into his pajamas and possibly stay up all night because the day hadn’t exhausted him enough to fall asleep at all, when a knock on the door rose his attention.

He threw a glance at the sign- had he forgotten to turn it? But no, the OPEN sign was turned towards the inside, meaning it was clear there was no mistaking the shop was closed.

There was another knock, and another.

A pause.

Then another knock.

_Knock the door three times and one time after a pause, and I’ll know it’s you._

Ren had never flung to the door quite as fast.

Goro Akechi looked miserable.

It wasn’t even that he looked like he’d been crying- no, quite the opposite. His face was devoid of any emotion, no traces of sadness, anger, _anything_ \- Ren was unsure what would happen if he touched the boy right now. Would he break? Would it do him any good if he broke? The Detective wasn’t even meeting his gaze, opting to stare at the ground instead, muttering incomprehensible stuff.

Ren sighed in relief when he noticed Goro’s cast was gone- of course, it had been quite some time already. Still, Ren had never gotten to know if Goro had recovered or not. But whatever had happened in the meantime of him throwing his cast away and now, well, it certainly made him look more miserable than punches and kicks had done to him.

Gently, Ren grabbed Goro by the arm, dragging him in almost effortlessly- he did notice the overall state of Goro seemed much better, that he’d restored a little weight and gotten his skin back to a fresh color.

Must’ve been Akira’s effort. Still, what was this about? Was Akira okay?

Something inside of Ren hesitated, telling him it wasn’t the best question to ask right now. So instead, he tugged Goro into one of Leblanc’s cozy booths, stripping his trench coat off him and hanging it up near the door.

Goro remained silent, his gaze fixed on the table, looking like he was lost and gone at the same time. Ren stood up again, attempting to skulk back into the kitchen- but he was prevented from doing so by a hand grasping his shirt.

It wasn’t a tight grip. Ren would have easily ignored or accidentally overseen it, had he not been paying the utmost attention to Goro’s moves, and therefore sort of predicted this to happen.

Goro still looked miserable, but there was movement in his face now. He gnawed at his lips, uttering a “Stay” that was barely comprehensible to Ren.

Well, alright. No tea for Goro, then.

What had happened? Ren was itching to ask, but he also felt like he had to wait right now- not push. Last time he had pushed too strongly and too early, leading to Goro fleeing away like a scared bunny. And he returned only now- that was something Ren had to consider before he did the same mistake all over again.

“Sooooo…you want no tea?”

“My mother earned money by working at a nightclub.”

Okay. So Ren had kind of _not_ expected that.

Maybe he was better off keeping his mouth shut.

“She would often send me to the bathhouse when she had to bring a man home. I’d stay there, sometimes even late into the night- until she came and picked me up again. Apparently, my mom had once gotten herself involved with some low-life of a man. She was swiftly discarded when he learned she was pregnant- she told me so when I was a young child. The despair would later lead to her death. Or maybe it was merely my own existence- I can’t say.”

Ren slowly got back into the booth again, sitting down next to Goro.

“I’ve never blamed her, you know? I knew she was going through a lot. The only thing I’d wanted was to make the degenerate excuse of a man- the motherfucker who abandoned her- apologize. Even as a small child, I could remember the rage inside me welling up whenever I thought of him. I wanted him to fall onto his knees, kiss her feet, tell her how sorry he was. But, at some point…that was no longer possible.”

A sad excuse of a laugh escaped Goro’s throat. “I came home one day, and she was gone. Metaphorically, of course. It was weird- I didn’t know what it meant for someone to die and leave you behind. She looked so- serene and peaceful. Like she’d never had in her life.”

Ren stopped breathing for a second.

“I didn’t wanna wake her, especially not when she looked so happy- so I left her where she was. Sitting by the kitchen counter, with her head rested in her arms. I didn’t even realize she was dead until someone knocked on the door and there were police men flooding our apartment.”

The smart, quick-witted barista didn’t know what to say- was there anything to say, really? He wasn’t sure what to do, either. Goro just looked- so fragile. Thinking of how confident and smug he usually was, the stark contrast was more than just saddening. Ren’s heart clenched.

“It seems like…you’ve been through a lot”, he said finally, unsure if even those words were appropriate.

Another smile appeared on Goro’s face. “She wasn’t to blame, like I said. It’s tough, being a single mother with a child that’s more of a burden and a curse.”

He exhaled, shakily.

“After that, I was passed from foster home to foster home- but I wasn’t wanted. Never- the mere thought is ridiculous, really. Even the streets were more welcoming than some homes.” Goro sneered, but it didn’t sound like there was much power behind it. “At some point, I realized- no matter where I went, I would never be wanted.”

A _That’s not true_ lay on the tip of Ren’s tongue, but he held it back- it didn’t seem appropriate. Yet. And besides, even if he said it- what would he follow up with?

“A man picked me up when I was around fourteen. He made a big story about it- how he had lost his child, the child that had been kidnapped and ransomed by an evil woman. How he paid endlessly to the woman in fear something would happen to me, but tried to keep an eye on me nevertheless. They were all lies, of course- but the media, gullible and gossipy as they were, swallowed it all up. Living with him was hell. _Is_ hell.”

Ren waited.

“All my life, I’ve been something to discard. People used me- wanted me- for many reasons, but it was never for myself. They got money, of course. Some got fame. Or, like my father- used it to gain something else, like the love of the masses. But it was never about myself. If possible, they dumped me in an alleyway. Then someone showed up to check on me, and even then- funnily- no one checked the dumpsters. The lie ‘He’s out with friends’ was used more often than you can imagine, really.”

Ren _really_ wished he’d been able to press a tea into Goro’s hands by now. His hands were shaking- but he himself was trembling, too.

“I’ve been on a path of revenge and hatred all my life. I’ve never- had much else. You see, it was sort of impossible to feel anything else because I hadn’t been taught. Came into contact with. Had the privilege- of feeling mundane things like joy or contentment. I always believed people like that to be weak and foolish.”

“But then…what happened?”

Goro sneered, but Ren was more afraid it would cause the tears shimmering in the corner of his eyes to spill over.

“Funny you ask. I’d like to know that myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you were the catalyst in it all.”

Ren almost jolted.

“What- what do you mean?”

The smile on Goro’s face disappeared.

“I think it all started when I walked in on you back then and went ballistic. It was the first time in a long while that I let my mask slip. It just- went downhill from there, with you. You kept catching me at my worst- or maybe I wanted you to catch me at my worst. I don’t know. I- I honestly can’t say. But you kept drawing me back- because I felt like. I felt like you were actually willing to look at me- and this may sound stupid, but I was starved for attention- anyone’s, really. But yours especially. So much, that- even when he beat me up with those shitty goons of his- I thought you’d. You’d reach out. Even if, deep down, I feared it was for the wrong reason- not for me, but someone else.”

Ren could _swear_ Goro was swallowing a lump in his throat.

“You were just as fucked up and broken as I was. You had the same corrupted mind- they say ‘Great minds think alike’, don’t they? So a part of me…a part of me I am unwilling to admit to even now, it felt connected because it knew you were the same. That you searched the same things I did- that you didn’t understand things and feelings in its whole either. And that yet, above all that, you had one single goal that stood above all- and while yours was essentially protection and not destruction, your madness in pursuing your goal was the of same sentiment that I harbor myself. I…I blatantly refused to admit how fun things had become with you. I tried telling myself how much I hate you- and yet, thanks to our incapability to handle things like ‘healthy’ humans, we kept being drawn back to each other.”

Goro turned his gaze away again as he pressed out the next words.

“Then you threw me away, too.”

Ouch. Yikes. Okay. Hold on. “Wait, wait, wait. Look, the thing was- I didn’t want to throw you-“

“But you did.”

Goro kept staring at his hands like a stubborn child.

Ren let out a deep sigh. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t- want to let you go, exactly.”

“Then why did you?”

“We were fighting, Goro – it was dumb. I guess I was being- stubborn, because I wanted you to open up to me. I was scared of losing you, too- you stumbled in, half on the brink of death, remember? But I wasn’t willing to wait, and you weren’t willing to hand me over your history quite so easily, for whatever reason there was. So I guess we just both sorta blew up at one another until- neither of us could take it anymore. That didn’t mean I stopped caring, you know.”

“I didn’t realize you ever cared.”

Goro’s trembling hands were clenched into trembling fists now.

Ren sighed, gathering his patience.

“Well, I guess I was kind of being an ass about it, I admit. You know what? Look at the positive side of things. Somehow, stepping away for a bit helped us both realize we were being dumb. Or, well, I did, at least. Don’t know what you – realized.”

Goro remained quiet. Ren seized the opportunity to fill the silence himself. “Okay, look. Our relationship began fucked up- and it just…evolved from there, but not necessarily in a good direction? I don’t know. I also honestly don’t think either of us would have acted differently, given the chance.”

“I doubt that as well.”

“Sooooo…” Alright, here it was. The master question. Ren had to know the answer to his before he went back to unravel all the things Goro had just said- the words that sounded…awfully like a confession.

“Why…are you here? Now? After all this time?”

Goro looked like he was ready to break.

“I just realized that I wasn’t wanted once more and fled. I didn’t have a goal in mind, but I just sort of landed here.”

“Why didn’t you go to Akira, then?”

There were tears dropping onto the table, and Ren recoiled liked he’d been slapped.

_Oh._

**_Oh!_ **

_Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped checking in on them._

“He’s a much bigger asshole than you, you know?”

Ren had never heard Goro’s voice all choked up before.

“I wish he would have just- just fucking told me in the face what he wanted from the start instead of making me live a lie for three months. It’s not fair. It’s not fair! Why do they get to trample all over me all the time?! Am I some sort of doormat for people to step on?! To just, I don’t know- wipe off their dirt and shit, make it seem like it was _my_ fault?! Why am I the only one being shredded into pieces?! Why am I the only one who’s left to fetch for himself, portrayed as the fucking villain for messing shit up- when it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t- I never did anything! I never wished for anything! The first selfish thing in my life I wanted to keep was you, Ren, and the second was that bastard! And then I realize he manipulated me into thinking like that- for his own fucking reasons!” Goro’s breathing grew erratic.

“Yes, yes, it’s hypocritical. I was the one who had bad intentions first- I was the one who used him first. You may argue I deserved this to happen. You may think this is the righteous thing to befall me for harboring dishonest feelings. I can’t say you’d be wrong for thinking like that. But isn’t it much crueler to make _me_ think I had some _good things_ in life happen? Isnt it crueler that he, he who shines like the fucking sun is capable of such- such corrupt thinking, he who’s always had it all, he who’s never had a care in the world, he who makes people think they’re fucking special or worth treasuring or-”

There was a karate chop delivered to his head, making Goro hiss in retaliation. “What?!”

“He’s still my brother, you know? I can only hear so many insults without an explanation. Also, you were back on your panic spiral.”

“I _never_ panic!”

Ren raised an eyebrow. “You don’t?”

Goro crossed his arms, the tears still streaming down his face. “No.”

Somehow, it was adorable- Ren couldn’t suppress the snort coming out of him, which in turn made Goro grow even more agitated. “What?!”

“Nothing. Just wondering- is love the reason you thought Akira was selfish? Selfish for wanting you and…losing the feeling or breaking up? I don’t really know what this is about. That’s the only thing I could possibly think up of, though”

Goro laughed, but it was a sad laugh- lacking any emotion, any energy- it was just that.

Hollow laughter.

“You know, it’s funny. He did want me- but it wasn’t for love. Well, maybe I didn’t want him out of love, either- at that point in life, when the first selfish thing I’d ever wanted refused to bow to me- I suppose I would have taken anyone’s attention, fake and phony as it was. The problem was- that he’d made me actually _believe_ it would be possible. To prove that theory wrong.”

“What theory?”

“I told you back when your doctor friend knocked me out with her drug. How my mom once told me I was cursed, making it unable for anyone to love me- or to have me love them back. A friend of Akira’s said the same thing, you know? Funny how that turned out to be true.”

“You know that’s bullshit.”

There was a bitter smile on Goro’s face. “Like you’re one to talk, having given up on me as well.”

Ren groaned. “I told you- I didn’t think we’d be a good match! But that doesn’t mean you can’t fucking love anyone. That’s bullshit!”

“Then why do you continue refuse me?”

“We’re straying from the topic if we start talking about that.”

“In fact, we’re not. I have a favor to ask of you, Ren. You won’t say no, will you?”

Ren didn’t like the sadness in Goro’s eyes. Nor did he look forward to what Goro was going to say.

“You once told me someone should, and I quote, ‘Fuck your brain out. Releases endorphins and shit’. Can you show me? That I’m at least- biologically not incapable of feeling something like love or happiness?”

“You know that’s a sad excuse for coercing me into having sex with you.”

Goro’s bellowing laughter echoed in Leblanc. “You’re right. It’s pathetic- that’s how far I’ve fallen.”

“And you know that’s not going to make you happy. Even if it makes you happy in that moment, it will make you feel miserable in the morning, or even after.”

“Would you deny a dying man his last wish?”

Ren furrowed his brow. “You’re- are you in trouble? Again?”

“Would you care if I was?”

“Well, I’m not an emotional brick of ice, you know? You scared me to death once, I kind of don’t want that to happen again.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Goro! You’re behaving the same way like you did back then! If you need help, just- reach out and tell people.”

“Which people, Ren?” Goro’s tone had gone bitter. “As far as I’m concerned, nobody gives a shit about me. And if you dare to say ‘I do’- well, then you’re being a hypocrite. Because you don’t. You still refuse to indulge my one selfish request- if you cared about me, you would. You would help me fulfill my wish. Why aren’t you? Isn’t the answer clear? At least to me it is.”

_Because I’m scared of getting hurt._

Urgh, Ren was a flirt, but he wasn’t good at handling feelings.

“Fine. You wanna have sex? Then let’s go. Let me fuck you like some worthless stranger I met on the street, if that’s what you want. Like a replaceable sex doll- like a-“ “Why would you care, what it would seem like?”

“Because I still fucking care, Goro! Fuck!”

Ren didn’t realize he’d slammed his fist onto the table until he felt the aftermath of a small rumble. “I have the feeling, if we have sex- then it’s the point of no return. Either you leave me forever, or you might end up hating yourself, or me -for the rest of your life. Or- well, there’s no other or. You wouldn’t stay with me. You don’t know shit about me- which is good, because if you did- you’d pack your things and-“

“I read your file.”

Ren froze.

“Well, I suppose it’s full of lies and fabrications- I mean, Akira was the one who was involved in the first place.”

Ren grimaced. “I mean, I guess I’ve always known you would find out, sooner or later. Besides, you know I did a lot of fucked up shit in my life. Like the fact that I stalked my brother for a whole year- without his permission. I even hacked into his friend’s phones. I am slightly annoyed you read my file, but…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting it to happen at some point. But- are we just gonna keep talking around the bush until we both start yelling at each other and walk away again? Goro, spit it out already- what is it you’re here for? Why are you here?”

Goro remained silent, his gaze fixed on his hands- busy wrestling with one another.

After what felt like an eternity of neither of the boys moving, Ren spotted the wetness in Goro’s eyes returning.

“I told you, it’s not like it’s going to happen, even if you knew”, he choked out.

“But you can’t possibly know that until you tell me, right? Come on, Goro.”

This elicited a sneer out of Goro. “Ah yes, of course. Both of you are just such good sweet-talkers, aren’t you? Yet one of you was full of lies, and the other-“ Goro’s head hung low, his hair fell into his face and obscured Ren’s view.

Slowly, Ren reached out, gently tugging the honey-colored hair behind Goro’s ear. There were another flood of silent, angry tears stretching down his rosy-colored cheeks.

“You’re just full of hate. For me, that is.”

“I think I just _told_ you I wasn’t.”

Goro refused to meet his gaze, even as Ren gently nudged his chin back into his direction. His gaze remained stubbornly fixed on the table.

“Goro”, Ren spoke, softly, “I don’t hate you. I never have. I told you- twice now, I think, but I’ll repeat it as many times as necessary- I just didn’t think we’d be a good match. Besides, I was- scared. Of losing you, if you got what you wanted- you were too interesting than for me to let you go after some sex.”

“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one”, Goro sniffled, “You’ve never been interested in anything else than your brother, Ren.”

The barista let out a low chuckle at that. “Yeah, but you were able to awaken my curiosity, you know? Not like my stupid ass self was ready to admit that until I lost you, though. Besides, of course it didn’t happen at once- it was a gradual process. We don’t necessarily choose when we begin to like one another or not. Life would be so much easier if that was a choice.”

Goro remained silent, but his gaze slowly wandered over, until two gloomy eyes were fixed on him, reflecting his messy appearance.

“You’re honestly telling me you hold such ridiculous feelings for- someone like me?”

Ren shrugged. “I mean- yeah? Is it wrong? Cuz I don’t see anything wrong with it. I mean, except the fact that you were extremely obsessed with my twin, and you were kinda crushing on him, and then you-“

“What are you talking about?” The confusion in Goro’s voice was as genuine as Ren ever heard.

The raven sighed- a sad sound emitting from the back of his throat. “Akira’s always been a better match for- well, anyone than to end up with me, Goro. And you probably didn’t realize, but you were crushing on him hard- so I couldn’t really make a move, you know? So instead, I thought it was smarter to act as if I was Akira, so you would- hurry and realize your feelings already. Turns out, it was a bad idea- firstly, because I had absolutely no shit fucking idea how Akira behaves- last time I knew him properly was five years ago, and I wasn’t stalking him around the clock to properly analyze his personality, either. Second, because- well, despite how fucked up you were, you were charming in your own way.”

Ren sighed. “But I could relate to a lot of your feelings- and I knew if we both got together for real, we’d end up in a spiral of destroying each other due to the nature we both harbor. I was honestly relieved when you got together with Akira, deep down. No matter how many lies had to be established for it. It gave me the opportunity to finally lay off- but then you came back, half-beaten to death, and suddenly all I was thinking of was ‘I can’t let him die here’.”

“If I may quote you back- that’s bullshit. All of it.”

There was a crooked smile on Ren’s face, adoration shimmering in his eyes when Goro got back a little back of his sassiness. “Kinda, yeah. What can I say? I’m a mess.”

“I’ve _never_ felt anything like a crush on Akira when I met you.”

Silence filled the room, just up until Goro’s hands moved away from the table, shakily grabbing Ren’s shirt by the front.

“I came here for you.”

Ren could see it took _everything_ out of Goro to spill those words out, and if he hadn’t been basically cornered in a booth, his way out trapped by a human figure, he’d probably get up and flee again. The internal conflict of Goro trying to puke for admitting feelings and yet, not wanting to let go of Ren, were plainly visible on his face.

Ren waited patiently if there was anything else following up those words, but for every silent second, Goro’s cheeks flushed redder and redder, until he was shaking Ren and yelling angrily. “So? Say something, asshole!”

“Just wondering if…I’m a possible bounce-back due to my brother- using you? Or something. Because, Goro- I want you. I want you so bad it hurt me- I spent a whole week moping after you left, and I stopped stalking on my brother because all he kept talking about was you- and I couldn’t bear to hear it anymore. And- call me a coward, but I’m so afraid. Afraid of love- not of you. I’ve been left behind by the world too many times than that I could endure it happening again, especially when my brother realizes what a mistake he made by letting you go. And I don’t want to be abandoned- I know I did it to you, but I’m not as strong as you are. I would break.”

There was a painful smile on Goro’s face, and Ren wanted _nothing_ more than to wipe it off Goro’s face. “I doubt you need to worry about that, really.”

“But I do, Goro. You’ve been pining for him so long-“

“I don’t ‘pine’, Ren. And I’ve been telling you I didn’t fucking think anything of your brother back then.”

“Alright, let me- rephrase that. I can- I _want_ you, Goro. But if you had the choice between me and my brother, who would you choose to stand by and watch the world burn around you now? You do sound like you feel something for him _now._ This isn’t two or three months ago anymore. This is the present.”

Goro’s lips drew into a tight line. “Why do I have to answer these ridiculous questions, Ren?”

“Because they’re important for me to know, Goro. So I can- trust you.” Ren’s wry smile turned a tad more teasing. “I know you and your issues about trust- but, well. After hearing your history, I guess it makes more than just a little sense for you to be mistrusting of people. But I want you to know- other people feel like that, too. I feel mistrust when you show up at my doorstep and…and tell me all these sweet things like all my secret dreams just came true. I want to give you a chance, Goro. That’s all this is about. But I need to trust you for that to happen.”

Silence.

Goro drew nearer, however- whether he wanted to flee or not, Ren didn’t know- but suddenly, Goro’s head collided with his chest, Goro’s ear lying down where Ren’s heart beat wildly.

They weren’t hugging. Goro’s arms remained limp by his side, but his head wiggled around funnily, to the point where Ren wondered whether he was trying to tickle him.

He felt Goro’s mouth muffle out words, but he couldn’t distinguish them. “Sorry, Goro, what?”

“I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life, Ren.” “I can imagine that.” “I’ll be continuing to hurt people for the rest of my life- that’s just who I am. And- I don’t regret hurting them. They can burn and hurt for all I care. But I’m aware that doesn’t make me very desirable.” “Okay?”

“I hurt people around you, Ren.” Goro drew back, his face expressionless. “If I told you about it- and you still think you want to give someone as wretched and twisted as me a chance-then I’ll consider your ridiculous question. Maybe this is what you need to…to trust me, whatever the fuck it means. Deal?”

Ren nodded, confused and unsure as he was- what was this about?

“I told you I’ve never been wanted in life. All I ever wanted, therefore- especially as a dumb, naïve child- was to – be acknowledged. Be…loved”, Goro spat the word out as if it was some curse, “And I was easily manipulated into doing things without questioning them. Like I said- I don’t regret them in itself. I just regret being so easily influenced. I suppose that’s why it was so easy for Akira to exploit me, too.”

Goro took a deep breath, and Ren felt himself grow more nervous. Where was this leading to?

“Futaba Sakura. Foster child of Sojiro Sakura- former daughter of the deceased…Wakaba Isshiki.”

Ren felt the world stop for a second. “How do you know that name?” His voice was naught but a whisper, a tremble.

Goro maintained his poker face, ignoring Ren’s question. “Seven years ago- I had already been working as a detective, working on minor cases here and there. My father had taken me under his wing- and like I said, I hated him with every fiber of my being- but I suppose part of me wished for his recognition. I didn’t have anyone else in the world, after all- and though I loathe myself for ever even thinking that motherfucker would be capable of feeling shit, I can’t change my feelings or my actions from the past. I doubt I would, either.” Goro drew a deep breath.

_Funny how I thought I couldn’t ever feel the way Yusuke had back when he told me about Madarame._

“I was already working on homicides back then, though I wasn’t allowed to work on anything alone. Until…one particular day when my father called me to him. Said there was a case I was allowed to work on my own- provided I produced results. The case- was about Wakaba Isshiki, as you may have guessed. It was a very easy, straightforward one. From what I gathered in the case file, Isshiki had been suffering under monetary issues, followed by personal struggles such as being a lone mother and- raising a child. One day, she had apparently thrown herself in front of a car and committed suicide.”

_Funny how similar that is to my Mother’s story._

If it was possible to stay alive while your heart stopped pumping blood, well, Ren knew what it was like now. He didn’t dare interrupt Goro, though a million questions barraged his mind.

“But- as straightforward and clear as the case was, it was…special in its own way. There was no hearing of the child- apparently, she was supposed to be disillusioned and traumatized, not in the right state of mind. There wasn’t supposed to be any hearing, anyway. All my father required of me…was to sign the case as an official suicide. I was even allowed to add details to make the case more credible. When I told my father I wished to at least hear out the child- he shut me out, telling me I was a useless brat that created more work for everyone. He also threatened to strip me off my job and throw me back onto the street. I had a choice to make- me, or Isshiki.”

Goro shrugged. “So I made my choice. I put my sign on the case, even though everything inside me was screaming that something was off- and that was that. Isshiki had committed suicide on paper, and the case was put to rest in the police files without anyone ever speaking of it again. Given how smoothly this all went- well, I was convinced my father had his hands in it. A few weeks later, I stumbled upon him talking to someone on the phone, confirming my suspicions: Isshiki had been murdered by some of his hitmen, though I never found out why.”

The air in Ren’s lunge- if there was any left, that was- it was punched out.

Strangled to death when he heard the next words.

“This pattern- repeated itself. I got cases onto my table with less and less information about what even happened- sometimes, all I got was a name and the place the person had died. Or would die- the date of death was sometimes labeled in the future. They were all kinds of people- rich ones, poor ones, lovers- anything. I was tasked to recreate a case and explain how each and every one of them committed suicide, but I knew- they had been murdered, every single one of them. The count of people climbed so high, I gradually stopped reading the names and memorizing pictures- I can’t tell you how often I aided forging suicides to cover up murders.”

An eerie silence settled in the café.

Ren didn’t dare to breathe, even as his body screamed for oxygen.

“Knowing all this- knowing nothing of me was real- can you still tell me you like me, Ren? I didn’t kill people, but I aided in their murder. If you think you were a criminal, well, get a load of this. I’m a phony as far as it gets- my status as an Ace Detective is forged and most of my cases fake. Worse, instead of handling in the name of justice- something I swore to do since the day I picked this job up- I did the exact opposite. Funny, isn’t it?”

Neither of the boys thought the situation was comical in any sense.

“Why did you tell me all this, Goro?”

“You’re always asking the wrong questions, Ren.”

Ren sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get anything out of Goro except ‘I don’t know’.

This didn’t really help raise his trust to give Goro a new chance- no, them a new chance, either. If Goro himself refused to understand and explain why he’d confessed to aiding a criminal, then a relationship between them could lead to conflicts raising anew- because they would never be able to properly make up after silly fights or the like if Goro didn’t understand his actions half of the time.

Though given the way life treated him, Ren couldn’t really blame him.

Both of them remained silent, neither of them knowing what to say- until Goro dared to break the silence anew, his head still buried somewhere in Ren’s chest.

“Futaba knows who I am, doesn’t she?”

Ren contemplated that. “I don’t think so- not in the sense that you think, at least. She said she’d stolen her Mom’s file once, but that she never dared to open it. Her guts told her it wasn’t the right time, apparently. She does know you as the Ace Detective, though. But that’s as far as it goes.”

“What about my origin? My piece-of-shit-father?” “I don’t really know, Goro. Why does it interest you?”

The great Detective shrugged, helplessly. “I don’t know.”

_I don’t understand half the things I’m doing right now._

_And the only thing I do know is still refusing to give me what I want._

_Not like I can blame him, really._

“Well, she’s probably going to know tomorrow, latest. I can also tell her not to listen to the file recording, cover it up by claiming we were fucking or something.”

“It’s fine. Let her hear for all I care. This will get out eventually, anyway.”

Ren didn’t know what urged him, but his arms seemed to have gained a will of their own as they sneaked around the helpless person burying his head in shame, pulling him close for a hug.

It earned him a huff.

“I don’t like to be pitied, Ren. In fact, I despise it.”

“It’s not pity, Goro. I just felt like hugging you, that’s all.”

“You’re an idiot.”

 _So are you_ , Ren thought, as weak arms sneaked around his waist and hugged him back- albeit much more hesitant.

“Can I ask you something, Goro?”

“Obviously. I’m just not sure if I can serve you an answer to your satisfaction, though.”

“That’s fine. That’s not what this is about, anyway.”

“Hm.”

“If you had had the choice, between rising up against your dastardly father or aiding him in covering up his murders- what would you choose?”

Goro scoffed. “Are you for real?”

“Mhm…Don’t just go avoiding the answer, Goro.”

The boy in his arms remained quiet. “I’ve never done anything in life that I regret, Ren. If I started questioning my actions and the course of my life, I would be in quite a pinch.”

Ren drew soothing circles onto Goro’s back.

“I’ve also never had much of a choice in life. But, don’t misunderstand. I’d- never- _never_ act against the name of justice if given the choice. I don’t _like_ killing people off, or tricking anyone. That doesn’t mean I regret what I’ve done, or that I give much of a shit about people in general. But I guess, if I had had the power- I’d do anything to bring that bastard down and make him face his crimes instead of aiding him. I want that motherfucker to pay for his sins. Sadly, fate has never been much on my side- which led me to the pathetic being you see right now.”

“Mhmm.” Ren pressed a kiss into the mop of messy, chestnut colored hair- feeling the boy shudder.

“And…what happened with Akira?”

Goro scoffed anew. “Are you really just glossing over the fact that I’m a murderer?”

“You are, in fact, not. You might have aided a bastard, but he was basically threatening you with your life. As a what? 16 year old? Most people don’t even know what the fuck they’re doing on a daily basis in that age. Hell, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and I’m 22.”

“I have blood on my hands, Ren.”

Ren let out a deep sigh. “Alright, okay. I think- we’ve already talked about a lot of heavy shit tonight. And I strained you quite a lot- or maybe you strained yourself, who knows. There are a million things we should still cover, but how about this- I whip up some hot chocolate and we go to sleep? That’s better than- continuing this, probably.”

Goro didn’t answer, and Ren was about to take his silence as agreement, when the Detective actually raised his voice again.

“Will you tell me…what happened five years ago, at least?”

Instead of giving a reply, Ren pressed another kiss onto Goro’s head. “Fine. It’s not as interesting, really. I’ll tell you when we’re in bed, okay?”

“You promise?”

_Funny how I’d scoff at myself for saying these words if things were still like four months ago._

Ren slowly excruciated one of Goro’s arms slung tight around him, grabbing him by his wrist- and hooking their pinkies together. “I promise. And if I don’t follow up, you may deliver ten-thousand punches and I’ll swallow a thousand needles.”

Goro deadpanned. “I don’t really want to see you dead, Ren.”

A brilliant smile appeared on Ren’s face. “Neither do I, Goro.”

The kiss that followed was as soft as it was swift- Goro let go of Ren without much resistance, but the latter pinched his cheeks before turning around and swiftly pulling out one of the pots to heat up some milk.

Neither of the young men were prepared for another knock on the door.

Ren’s head whipped around, meeting Goro’s gaze halfway- the boy had turned pale again. “Are you expecting anyone?”

Goro shook his head, and the barista grimaced. “Alright. Sojiro and Futaba are asleep at this time of the day- so it’s…someone else. It could be Akira.”

Goro shrunk in on himself.

Ren boldly crossed the café in big steps, ignoring Goro’s protests of “Wait, you can’t just-“ as he’d already thrown the door open-

-and was greeted with a surprised, high-pitched shriek- causing him to scream back and throw the door shut.

Both of the boys were stunned for a second, before a soft giggle escaped Goro’s lips. “I didn’t think- you were this skittish, Ren.”

“Fuck, it’s in the middle of the night and someone just screamed at me- I’m allowed to be scared, okay?”

This only caused Goro’s giggles to spill forth even stronger. Ren wouldn’t admit it, but he was glad about the sound.

“You’re- pathetic.” “Oh, shut up!”

Whoever had knocked on the door, begun knocking even more aggressively than before. Ren could make out a muffled noise- was it a girl?

Before he could act, however, Goro had already made his way over to the door as well, and Ren was slightly afraid he’d jump off into the darkness. As if he’d read Ren’s thoughts, he quietly murmured: “I’m not planning to leave, dumbass. I just have a hunch who it could be, judging from the scream.”

Ren let him push down the handle and open the door.

***

Judging from the scream, he was almost absolutely sure who was standing behind the door. Goro was slightly amused about the fact that she was able to scare Ren with just a shriek- she could be a menace if she wanted to.

He pushed down the handle, and was greeted with the sight of- Ann.

Of course.

The girl in question was breathing heavily, and Goro noticed- with slight bemusement- that she was probably wearing pajamas under her heavy coat. The question was- what did she want? And who sent her? Where there more?

“Akechi! Oh wow, I got real chills because there was this dude who looked like Akira, and I just-“ her eyes fell onto the figure next to Goro, and from the way her throat moved, she was barely able to swallow another shriek.

“Uh- hello?” Ren offered awkwardly, his smooth attitude nowhere to be seen.

“Um. Hi? Okay, uh, look, Akechi, I think you must be really confused why I’m here- but it’s freaking cold outside, so can I pleeeaaase come in? Please?!”

Ren threw Goro a questioning glance. He knew what his gaze meant.

Instead of answering, Goro buried his hands in his pockets. “If Ren isn’t against it…I don’t really care.”

Getting Ann inside was easy enough.

Having her leave, however? Oh boy.

Apparently, she had received a frantic call from Akira in the middle of the night to come over- and when she’d literally jumped out of bed and ran all the way to the apartment, Akira had pressed a bag in her hands and told her to deliver it to this specific address- Goro would be there, he was sure.

How on _earth_ Akira had come to the conclusion was a mystery, but Goro was eternally grateful to have his work case back- as well as some spare clothing and other stuff, stuffed in his duffle bag. Or rather, Ren’s.

He was grateful to Ann that she had done everything without questioning- but now, when she was just supposed to quietly take her leave?

Oh dear.

“No, look, I’m not freaking moving as long as you don’t explain what the _hell_ is going on! I got thrown out of beauty sleep, damn! We all have uni tomorrow! I have a shooting, heeellooo? And- okay, back when you first approached us and went all ‘There was this dude at the café who looked like Akira’ I thought you were shitting us or trying to flirt really awkwardly but, uh- wow? He’s- real?”

“Can you tell her to stop pinching my cheeks, Goro?”

There was a weak smile on Goro’s face, given how miserable Ren sounded. “Sorry, I don’t think that’s quite in my powers.”

“But it _is_ in your powers to answer my fucking questions, Akechi! I ran halfway through the cursed city to deliver your shit to you- without questioning anything! So why are you here, and what happened with Akira- he looked miserable, you know?!”

Goro scoffed. “I sure hope he broke some bones.”

“Did you punch him, Goro?”

“No, I just threw him onto the floor with as much power as I had. But I wish I had punched him at least once. What a missed opportunity, really.”

Ren snorted at that.

Ann grew more and more indignant for every second that she was ignored. “Akechi! Why is this dude all chummy chummy with you?! Also, am I the only freaking person who thinks it’s creepy how much he looks like Akira?!” 

Goro wasn’t in the mood to talk, nor was he ready to explain anything. He did like Ann- Akira had done a perfect choice in which chess piece to use- but no fucking way would he talk to her about anything right now.

Or be nice.

“You should shut your stupid-“ “Uh, what was your name again? Ann?”

Ren interrupted Goro’s furious insults, flashing the enraged girl a soothing smile. “Look, it’s been a real tough evening on, uh- both Goro and Akira, I guess. I don’t think he’s in a good mood right now, and if possible- if you value him as your friend- would you mind backing off? Don’t misunderstand, I think he’s eternally grateful for you delivering your stuff- but right now? Is. not. a. good. moment. Okay?”

Thanks to the enunciation of Ren’s last sentence, Ann’s anger subsided a bit.

Only a bit, though.

But when she took a proper look at Goro- and, no doubt, saw the disheveled, miserable state he was in- she deflated, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Urgh. Fine. Just don’t ever scare me like that again, okay, Akechi? Also I don’t really care who this dude is, but- if he’s allowed to call you Goro, I call dips, too!”

“We shall leave that discussion to another time, Ann.”

Ann clicked her tongue. “Fine. But at least promise me- to call and try to talk to Akira, okay? He seemed really worried. I’ve never seen him this torn up- and like, I think he’d run here himself if-“

“No”, Goro half shouted, half hissed, scaring Ann even more, “No!”

Suddenly, all the noise in the café drowned out, replaced instead by a static, violent drill in Goro’s ears, growing louder, louder, louder-

“Hey, buddy, calm down.”

Smoothly, as if Goro hadn’t just turned into a violent, spitting stray cat, Ren draped his arm around him, pulling him in close for a hug. Ann’s jaw dropped at the intimate gesture, especially when she noticed that Goro was shaking- not because he was scared, but because he was holding back his anger in an attempt to gain back control over his emotions.

She was either also a liar- like Akira- or she didn’t know shit. And she was a model- she was a great actor. She tricked Goro once into believing she was innocent and dumb, yet she wasn’t- who was to say this wasn’t just another trap? She was here to manipulate him- to trick him- to make him go back- fuck, maybe all of this had been a trap from the beginning, and Goro hadn’t noticed- had just let her walk right into his only safe place, his refuge.

He was startled to realize what Ren and Leblanc meant to him.

_She’s here to take me back, to drag me back, to pull me back to him, to make me seem like the bad guy, to make him look innocent, she’s out for revenge, revenge, revenge-_

Agitated, he grabbed tightly onto Ren’s shirt, almost clawing his way through the fabric and tearing it apart. His breathing came in short, irregular beats- he bit his lip so hard he drew blood, right until someone stuck a finger into his mouth and told him to stop doing that. When he bit the finger in anger and retaliation, drawing so much blood like he’d just drawn from his own lip if not _more_ , he was rewarded with only an angry grumble. “Fine. Bite my finger if it makes you feel better, Goro.”

Ren sounded exasperated- and a tiny part of Goro was afraid he’d be thrown out, right alongside Ann- but then, there was a soft touch of lips upon his nose, his forehead and- the top of his head.

Murmuring noises reached his ear, trailing in alongside the warm breath and pushing away the strong taste of iron in Goro’s mouth. “It’s fine, Goro. She’ll leave soon, but I can’t just throw a girl into the dark streets of Yongen-Jaya without a companion. She’s not here to hurt you, I think. She’s that model friend of Akira, right? I don’t think she means any harm.”

“I made- a mistake- to let her-“ Goro’s breathing grew ragged, his heartrate spiking up-

Then, there was a hand trailing through his hair, caressing it softly, grounding him, and the voice talked on. “It’s okay. I’m still here, right? I won’t leave, Goro. You just have to calm down and realize she’s not a threat. She can’t do anything to youuuuuwww- that bite hurt- she can’t do anything. Look, I think she’s just shocked to death about what’s happening.”

Goro turned his gaze, still chewing nervously on the finger intruding the wet cavern of his mouth- and almost laughed at how scandalized Ann looked. Her eyebrows were trying to shoot out of her face, and her jaw was possibly trying to disconnect from her mouth- not to mention the hand she had tried to raise and cover her mouth with, hovering awkwardly in the air.

Alright, she looked ridiculous. And not at all like some threat here to dislodge Goro and make him go back to the traitor.

“Everything’s alright, I promise.”

Goro sighed into the embrace, his body slowing growing slack, and Ren cautiously removed his finger- which only caused Goro to nuzzle his face into the crook of Ren’s neck, inhaling the scent of coffee, plants, cheap shampoo-

Ren.

Another arm slung around his waist, tightening Ren’s embrace on him- and suddenly, Goro was just so tired- tired from being angry at the world, at Akira, at Ann- he just wanted to go upstairs and fall into the same bed like Ren, listen to his past- and not think about anything else anymore.

A pathetic wail escaped the back of his throat.

“I know, I know”, Ren said, “I get it. It’s okay.”

Goro focused on the mix of smells protruding his nose, hoping to calm down.

When the unbearable static in his ears finally disappeared, he was able to catch a little of the conversation taking place in the background.

“Uh, yeah, Morgana can come and pick me up with his car- he told me he’d be here in around fifteen minutes.”

Ren murmured something in response.

“Oh, no…It’s okay. I guess I’ll keep my mouth shut about- uh, this? But I really hope Akechi isn’t cheating on my best friend- cuz that would suck. And as much as I love him, that wouldn’t…be something I easily forgive him for. I doubt he is cheating, though- it’s clear to everyone how much in love they are.”

_Because your fucking friend is the world’s best actor, Ann. You could learn a thing or two from him._

Ren’s voice- whatever he was saying- became the focus of Goro’s world, alongside the faint smell of coffee beans.

“Fine, fine. I guess we’ll see each other tomorrow anyway, and then I’ll-“

Goro whimpered at the horrible morning that would await him- surrounded by a bunch of Akira’s friends who were out to butcher him. No, no, no, he couldn’t let that-

Soft circles were drawn onto his back, and if possible, Ren gripped him even tighter. “You’re fine here. Don’t worry about tomorrow, or anything else. Really, Goro. You’re safe.”

Goro croaked his name, and he could hear Ren smile. “Yes, exactly. I’m here. Focus on that, bud.”

His ears were covered, and the sounds from outside drowned out.

Now, he could focus completely on the familiar warmth engulfing him- welcoming him, beckoning him in. He closed his eyes, recalling the smell in Ren’s other apartment- all the different plants and flowers and whatnot. He remembered the pancake incident- indecent as it had been, there was comfort in the memory, a place faraway from danger and betrayal.

When Goro caught himself, returning to reality and removing Ren’s hands from his ears, Ann was gone.

“Welcome back, Goro.”

Goro wanted nothing more than to kiss off the shy smile off of Ren’s lips.

So he did.

_Is there anything that could compare to this feeling inside my chest?_

_What even is it?_

“Can we just- skip the hot chocolate and fall into bed? I want to hear about you already.” Goro could feel the exhaustion creeping up his bones, but there was just no way he’d let himself fall asleep before hearing about Ren.

The man in question regarded him quietly, before nodding slowly and telling Goro to go upstairs and change into his pajamas.

When Ren came up later, he laughed upon seeing the Detective in his bed: of course he was wearing some old pajamas of Ren’s. The one with the plaid red and black pattern. It was one of the coziest pajamas the raven owned, and he was glad to see Goro loosen up from his usual terrible, rigid choice of clothes.

“I see you took a liking to my things”, Ren teasingly remarked, “That…makes me happy, actually. But I’m also looking forward to the day you sleep at mine’s like you sleep at home- completely naked.”

It was mean from the raven to say these things without even having made up and talked properly, but he was aware Goro needed something else to focus on than all the tragedy and misery and confessions taking place today. He told himself he’d bring up the heavy talk as soon as possible.

The sting in his chest for possibly betraying his brother, however, remained.

Goro’s cheeks flushed instantly, especially as Ren abruptly begun stripping himself in an effort to change into pajamas as well. He obviously averted his gaze- and despite the exhaustion creeping into every corner of his bones, he felt a slight excitement stir in the area of his abdomen.

“You should forget I ever said that. About sleeping naked, I mean.”

“Nah, I don’t forget stuff when it comes to you.”

The bed creaked as a warm body laid next to him, arms slinging around Goro’s waist- flipping him around. Forced to face the insatiable grin of the barista, Goro laid his head against the latter’s chest, slinging a lazy arm around the other’s hip as well. This, however, was quickly turning out to be a mistake, as Ren’s husky voice suppressed a laughter.

“You want a piece of that ass, Goro? You should have asked before. I’d have let you touch it even without permission.”

Goro rolled his eyes. “Stop being ridiculous and start explaining before you need to swallow a thousand needles.” “Oh yeah, we should avoid that.”

A hand came up to caress Goro’s hair, and he sighed softly, the last tension in his body dissipating.

Ren quietly begun to talk.

“My parents only ever wanted one kid. They weren’t expecting twins, actually. In the beginning, things weren’t so bad- we grew up in this small town, three hours away from Tokyo- a place where everyone knew everyone. But as we hit puberty- well, it soon became obvious that despite the similar appearances, we were complete opposites. Akira was someone- everyone was naturally drawn to. Think of all the things that could make a human likeable- friendly, open, righteous- he was all that.”

Ren let his nails scratch along Goro’s scalp, causing the detective to shudder.

“I was kind of- well, I was imitating him. Trying to make him my role model, in a way. But somehow I only ever ended up in trouble. I messed up here and there whenever I tried doing something nice- taking care of the old lady’s dog turned into me accidentally poisoning the poor thing. Helping a friend by holding on onto his belongings he left behind turned into me being accused into a thief. Stuff like that.”

The pleasant scratch of nails almost caused Goro to purr in contentment, though his attention was extremely focused on each and every word dropping from Ren’s mouth.

“No matter what happened, my brother always helped clear up misunderstandings- or he took the blame, actually. For example, he claimed to have poisoned the dog himself by accidentally feeding it human food- he always rescued me whenever I was in a pinch. And so, people let off me pretty quickly- they couldn’t stay angry at Akira, after all.”

Ren pulled Goro closer.

“Despite the fact that no one really stuck with me, I didn’t really care. My brother was the world to me- and though rumors began to spread that I was a notorious troublemaker, I couldn’t care less about what people were saying. Akira was on my side, after all.”

_Good to hear he has something inside that cold-blooded chest of his._

“As we grew even older, we started making friends with people around us. Akira had a lot of stuff on his hands. He was wanted and called everywhere- but he still always made time for me, or forced me to tag along. Even if I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. It was impossible, considering the love and affection he always showed me.”

“Flawless human beings don’t exist, Ren.”

The barista chuckled. “Right. But it’s not like we didn’t ever fight, you know? Akira was just always quick to make up again. It was good- life was good with him. I didn’t ever get involved with drugs or smoking or underage drinking like the rumors said about me- mostly, I only ever binge-watched series or played games at home. People only tolerated me because of my brother, after all- I couldn’t always go and hang out with those people he called his friends, because they were just smiling and being nice to me for his sake. _Those_ people are fake and phony, Goro.”

“But I am, too. I’ve always been fake to people, lying through my teeth.”

“To whom did you lie, Goro? Me? You’ve never shown me anything _but_ your honest feelings, twisted and ugly as they were.” Goro lightly punched him in the abdomen for that, causing slight giggles to pour forth of Ren’s mouth.

“Anyway, back to the topic. As you may have guessed, while both of us always studied together, he was always better than me. It was fun competing with him, but I was also generally lazy- so at some point, both my social life as well as my academics took a turn for the downgrade. That was when my parents began nagging at me- throwing those rumors at me they heard, day by day. Complaining about me- you know the drill.”

Goro felt a strong urge to kill someone.

Or more people, actually.

“Obviously, Akira didn’t tolerate that. But they learned to attack me when he was not around- and I wasn’t a coward to go and cry my heart out to him. I was turned into the scapegoat of the family, especially whenever my parents became stressed and fought with each other. ’It’s all your fault’, they’d say, ‘You caused this. We never wanted you. One Akira was enough- a misprinted copy of his only brings pain’.”

Goro felt his rage stir upon hearing such ridiculous words. How could parents be so selfish? Why did they have to make Ren hear these lies, when the problem lied with themselves and not the beautiful creature of a man engulfing him in his arms? Inside and outside- Ren was perfect the way he was, even more perfect than the eerily flawless human Akira.

He’d only realized he’d muttered these thoughts out loud in his exhaustion when Ren chuckled even stronger than before. “Your pillow talk is certainly working on me, I have to admit.”

Goro buried his head even more, trying to hide the flush of his cheeks- but it wasn’t like Ren didn’t know he was embarrassed at this point.

Luckily, he talked on.

“Anyway, as justice-oriented and nice Akira was, obviously the day came when he himself got into trouble.”

The sigh escaping Ren’s chest was a heavy one- and Goro unconsciously tensed, only relaxing when the scratching on his scalp continued in soothing motions.

“He was supposed to come home from some sort of late soccer match or something. On the way, he stumbled upon a man trying to assault a woman.”

That seemed very much like Shido, actually. He just took what he wanted- and if people didn’t comply, he’d _make_ them comply. Goro was glad for Ren’s warmth, for he’d have felt the bile rise in his throat if he wasn’t feeling so extremely- cozy.

“Obviously Akira couldn’t accept that- so he called the cops and intervened, standing between the man and the woman. He didn’t do anything else, but apparently- the man was drunk to boot, swaying on his feet. He then stumbled in his rage about Akira- knocking his head on the pavement and screaming at Akira he’d pay for this. Apparently, he even went as far as saying ‘The police are my bitches!’. But my fool of a brother didn’t care. When the police arrived, the woman was pressured into giving a false statement- and from then on, things just detoriated.”

“We got a call from the precinct, and my parents ran over as soon as possible. They told me to stay put, but obviously I couldn’t do that- so I followed them, hiding myself. This- is where it gets complicated.”

“You mean when they used you as the scapegoat again?”

“Man, you’re so smart, Goro.”

The brunet growled.

“Basically, my parents quickly realized the police were paid off to make Akira’s life miserable. They cried and begged, but soon realized it was no use. Here’s the catch, though: Akira didn’t give off any personal information, and didn’t carry any documents on himself, either. One of the policemen did recognize him as one of the ‘Kurusu’ twins, which is how they contacted my parents.”

Ren took a deep breath. “Here’s when my parents wittered a chance: they told the policemen that the person in front of them- was actually me.”

Goro tilted his head up, spotting the wry smile on Ren’s face- and secretly feared how the story continued, because he could guess. “Oh, did they-?”

“Yeah, they did. Pulled the plain old ‘Boy is trying to blame his brother for his crime, please don’t believe him when he says he’s Akira. Akira isn’t capable of such a thing, remember?’ Obviously, the policemen swallowed the lie without questioning. My brother was screaming and protesting by now, but- it only caused further for all the people around him to believe he was me. ‘Akira isn’t even capable of yelling’- Shit like that.”

Ren’s smile disappeared in the same moment that the fury in Goro’s veins came to live once more. He felt like he was boiling with anger- more, even. Rage blinded his vision- he wanted to drag each and every one of those policemen and make them _suffer-_ make them feel the same pain Ren must have felt upon this betrayal.

Yet, the story wasn’t finished.

“Basically, things proceeded smoothly from there- there wasn’t even a process, but the policemen told my parents the verdict- a fine sum of money and probation for a year. Like I said, word spread fast around town- and no matter how many times Akira told people over and over again I hadn’t done shit and didn’t try to assault a woman by nighttime, I was known as a rapist from then on.”

He said it so casually- as if it didn’t hurt like hell to be backstabbed by your own parents like that. As if one didn’t wish for recognition and protection from the people that had set one into this hellish world- how much it hurt over and over again to be trampled down by them, and then- be betrayed like _this?_

Goro let out a hiss, before his cheeks were cupped into Ren’s hands, a rueful smile on his face. “Don’t cry for my sake, Goro. It’s not worth it.”

“You’re an idiot”, he hiccupped instead, letting the tears fall freely- it was honestly terrifying, to let his emotions out like this, plain and bare for the world to see- but it was Ren who saw him, and no one else. And he was crying for Ren- he felt anger towards the world, but this time, it wasn’t for his sake- and this realization terrified him, yet instead of being incapable of putting his fury into words, he could let Ren feel how he felt without saying a thing.

The thought was oddly intimate.

“Anyway, since things took a turn for the sour, my parents shipped me off to Tokyo after barely two weeks. Told me a man named Sojiro Sakura had been paid to give me housing, and that I wasn’t allowed to return for until probation was over. Akira vehemently protested- again- but he couldn’t stop me from leaving.”

A wry chuckle escaped the raven.

“In a way, I was glad to leave- I couldn’t stand the whisper and the gossips, and while I wasn’t interested in clearing anything up- all those wretched people around me started being really annoying. They began to tell Akira to stay away from me and stuff like that, which caused him to act out- and I didn’t want my brother to become corrupted for my sake.”

“How noble of you.”

“Your sarcasm is, as always, appreciated.”

“I think you’re a huge idiot, Ren.”

“I know, I know. Well, anyway- since my parents wanted me to stay away from Akira to stop sullying his name and stuff like that, we weren’t allowed to keep in contact. Not like that would have stopped me- but they even went as far as taking both our phones away before I left, trying to cut us off. Akira knew where I was supposed to start living, so he sent letters instead- scribbled in some hidden part of school, he said- but after entering juvie, I guess he was forced to give up completely. I never wrote back, anyway. In a way…I was scared the rumors of me being able to corrupt people would come true. And if I may borrow your words…I didn’t want to sully his shine.”

The anger was boiling hot in Goro’s body, and he held himself back in an effort not to tear Ren’s shirt apart.

“Why _did_ you enter juvenile prison, Ren?”

Ren was quiet for a while.

“I had been visiting this new school in Tokyo for a month, but I guess someone from the teachers had accidentally leaked my file. One day to another, everyone was whispering rumors about how I was a rapist yet again. It was exhausting. I didn’t really care about anyone, so I kept to myself. But, one day…I was searching for my school book, and I’d forgotten it in some classroom, so I randomly searched through a lot of them as I wasn’t really familiar to the building yet when I- argh, scum of the earth.”

“Scum- what?”

“Sorry, I still get mad thinking about it. I opened this one classroom- and there was this guy molesting a girl, even going as far as to taunt her he was going to assault her. She was terrified- she wasn’t screaming, but she was shaking and trembling, her skin gone pale. When the guy noticed me- get this- he said ‘Oh, you here to join the fun? We could use you to spice things up a little. You know your way around raping, anyway.’.”

Goro never wanted to kill someone as much as Shido. But he could imagine mustering up the same bloodlust for another guy.

“The girl was still in his grasp, so I had to be careful. I walked up to him, joining in his taunts- until I delivered a punch to his jaw so hard he lost a front tooth. I told the girl to run away and get help, but she was frozen on the spot- and the guy got up from where he’d fallen, trying to get revenge, so it just- evolved into a fight. I didn’t attack much- he was weak and terrible at delivering punches, so I kicked him in the gut and secured him on the ground, and by the time someone came by, the girl was long gone and no one believed my side of the story, anyway.”

The white-hot rage growing inside of Goro reached inexplicable heights. “How on earth- why- what-“ He wasn’t capable, however, of formulating any coherent sentence, as all his mind was occupied with was _make that bastard pay, make those adults pay, what kind of fucking justice system causes innocent victims to become perpetrators, fuck them, fuck them, fuck them-_

“Hey, I won’t tell you my story if it makes you all riled up like this, Goro.”

There was a finger drawing circles onto his back, and another hand scratching the palm of his head- Goro felt his body slacken a bit, but not enough for the anger to leave his body.

“How can you stay so calm, even though the world faced you with nothing but injustice, Ren?”

“Frankly, I didn’t really stay calm back then- I mean, I’m pretty sure I kept yelling and screaming at the police man who took me into custody for taking the wrong perpetrator- but if you had history and were known as the ‘scary rapist’ at school, well. People don’t tend to believe you much.”

“What about that girl you saved?”

Ren shrugged, his face remaining impassive. “She just up and disappeared. I didn’t even know her name or remembered her face all too thoroughly, so… “

“Basically, the world fucked you over, and you let it- trample over you like that?” Goro couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Not really, actually. When I was suspended from school and put into juvie, I acted out harshly- so badly I was put into a singular cell and had to undergo training to ‘control my anger’- argh, let’s…not talk about it, actually.”

Ren’s face had twisted painfully, and Goro could only imagine how Ren must have been dancing around the line of going insane and staying sane for his own sake- he was a perfectly fine guy with a perfectly normal mind, and yet people wanted him to believe otherwise.

He knew the feeling all too well.

“Goro? You’re kinda squeezing- the air out of my lunges.”

“Oh, I- sorry.”

Goro hadn’t realized he’d held Ren in a death grip instead of offering comforting words- he didn’t know how it worked, after all. Goro received comfort- he didn’t offer any to Ren.

He hated that.

“I know what it’s like”, he said, surprising himself- and began to talk, quietly, about his own experiences in juvie.

“That’s tough, babe”, Ren concluded, “And your father is a sick man.”

Goro snickered. “You’re awfully tough yourself for surviving juvie for so long.”

The two boys held each other tightly for a while, merely breathing in and out the other’s presence- it grounded them, hauled them back to the reality they were currently living in- that they had made it out of those horrible, terrible places, places that haunted them at night when they were alone.

Two broken boys that had battled themselves out of a terrible situation, surviving it by a scratch.

But when those wounds from the battle would heal, neither of them knew.

“What happened afterwards, Ren?”

The boy in his arms sighed. “Well, I flipped out at another policeman trying to pin some more stuff on me- like how I was unsociable to my inmates, while in truth, the wardens of the place kept me away and isolated from anyone- so I kind of…snapped.”

“Oh, is this how the picture of you flipping someone off came into the world?” “You saw it?” “It was most definitely amusing.” The two of them broke into quiet laughter.

“Well…basically, after spending time in juvie and being pinned another offense, my parents were sick of being associated with me. Don’t ask me _how_ they pulled this off- but shortly before they released me from prison, a policeman came by and handed me over my new legal documents- apparently, my name was Ren Amamiya, and Ren Kurusu- was dead. Not in the literal sense, but metaphorically. My parents disowned me the day I finally got out of that shithole- I guess they knew there was no way for me to integrate myself back into school and society, given my history.”

Alright, so maybe Goro mentally added two more people on his ‘Hit list’ right after _that guy_ on Place 2 after Shido.

How _dare_ they?

“They must have had a lot of guts to pull that one, for sure.”

“Did I speak out loud again?” Goro groaned.

“You sure did. Well, let me wrap this up before you fall asleep- basically, Sojiro picked me up that day, and he was angry- I had earned myself another four years of probation, after all. He wanted- to throw me out, I think. He barely knew me for a month before that shit went down, after all- I don’t blame him. But then I told him I had no place to go- I threw my passport at him, and I think I broke down crying or something. Next thing I knew, the guy told me to stay out of trouble and work in his café to compensate for living accommodations, because no way in hell had he been paid for four years of looking after a random child.”

Ren chuckled, but it was a sad laugh- Goro knew the imitation of a laughter all too well. “I hated him for pitying me. But he was also my only choice, you know? And honestly, I’m glad that he took me in- I’ve never had a more peaceful life than the past five years in a city where no one knew my face, my story, or my pain.”

Goro had always wanted to make the world burn- make all those people suffer that had unjustly inflicted pain on him- but never had his desire burned brighter and stronger than now, driven by the single thought of making any motherfucker pay for what they’d done to Ren.

But there was still the guilt of one more confession lying heavily on his chest as Ren regarded him with a smile.

“Well, life was peaceful until you walked in, at least- if you let my stalker tendencies out of the story.”

“Wait, I have- another question.” Goro chewed his lips, drawing back in the last moment to just blurt out _I’m Masayoshi Shido’s son and he’s the bastard that Akira met all those years ago and put both of you into the misery you’re living in now._

Hey, you didn’t just splurted that out like nothing.

“How did you even hack yourself into Akira’s phone when your parents had taken the original one away?” he asked instead.

Ren chuckled. “Futaba. Nowadays you need to register phone cards with your ID- so Futaba just went through an archive of numbers registered under different names until she found his roughly a year ago, just when I told her about having a brother. After that, I heard him saying he had moved to Tokyo and all that- he was determined to find me. But weirdly- he’s never shown up here, even though he apparently found out I was still living in the same place I was sent off to all those years ago.”

“I see”, Goro muttered, unsure how to break the news he was the son of the man responsible for ruining both their futures. Would Ren even accept him after that, especially with his sort-of-murderer confession?

“Something on your mind, babe?”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Aw, but you blush so cutely when I do.”

Goro flipped around, his back facing Ren’s chest- he wasn’t courageous enough to look Ren in the face for yet another confession. Ren’s arms, naturally thrown over his waist, pulled him closer, and in turn, Goro grabbed hold of Ren’s hand- gripping it tightly.

He had to say this.

He just needed to stop being a coward.

But he didn’t

want to

 _lose_ this.

“Even if you’re not directly facing me, I know when you start crying by now, Goro. Hey, what’s up?” Ren pressed a kiss to his neck, causing a pathetic whimper to escape Goro’s mouth.

Slowly, Ren pressed more soft kisses along Goro’s body- starting from the top of his head to the back of his ears down to his neck again, trailing further down- and when the fabric stopped him from going further, Ren merely made his way up again. It was if his kisses were trying to coax the words out of Goro, but all the soft caresses of Ren’s mouth just made Goro more afraid what would happen once the truth was out. Would Ren hate him forever? Would he recoil from touching and kissing someone who shared the same blood as the bastard who ruined his life?

“Goro, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I’m afraid I’m hiding far too many skeletons in my closet for that.”

He felt Ren’s warm breath hit his ears, over and over again, as the barista chuckled.

“I think we’re past the shocking stage of finding dead skeletons in your closet.”

“Because I admitted to being a murde-“ “Aide in murder”, Ren strongly interjected, “I ain’t listening to that bullshit. And don’t forget any other option would have led to your death.”

Goro sighed. “You’re insufferable.”

“So they say.”

Goro felt like crying when Ren pressed another kiss to the back of his neck.

He took a deep breath.

“The person- the man who was powerful and corrupted enough to make you and Akira suffer through the first ordeal of a crime- that man…is my-“

Goro felt like hurling. “He’s my- father. Biologically. Not like he’s ever acted like a real one. You must find me disgusting now- I don’t hold it against you, really. Just- make it quick when you decide to throw me out now.”

There was no direct reply- causing Goro to tremble in fear.

Fuck, he’d done it now, hadn’t he? First his confession about aiding in covering up murders, and now- the blood running through his body. Any sane man would immediately hurl him away now- not like he could blame them.

When Ren remained quiet for even longer, Goro couldn’t take it anymore- he flipped around on his own, despite his tear-stained face, wearing an indignant expression- couldn’t Ren say it was over already, that he wanted to kick Goro out and that he hated him for being the son of a bastard like Shido- showing Goro most surely a disgusted and disappointed expression?

With his heart leaping in his throat, he stared back into those onyx eyes to finally receive the answer he’d anticipated for-

-but Ren’s face was carefully inscrutable.

“So…that man that Akira met during that night- he was your-“ “Please don’t remind me of it. I can barely keep myself together when I call him my father, after all.” “You told me a lot about him so far. Yet you refrained from telling me who he was on purpose.”

Goro bit his lips- or tried to, really, but Ren pressed his finger against his lips- the same one Goro had injured a while ago.

They’d still needed to put a plaster on his wounds.

But at least the former bleeding had stopped, and Goro would be damned if he made Ren bleed again.

“None of that, Goro. Just focus on the conversation.”

“Fuck, what do you want me to say? Yes, I did withhold the information on purpose- so?!”

“You did because you were scared.”

_Fuck, yes, I am._

“Only a coward would be scared”, he answered instead.

“So that makes you a coward, right?”

“Shut up!” Goro was aware he’d raised his voice, but he hated how carefully inscrutable Ren’s face remained. Couldn’t he just- show his emotions and get this over with?

“Goro. _Goro._ ”

Ah, curses, he was crying again.

A hand cupped one of his cheeks, and Ren let their gazes meet again.

“Goro, even if you hadn’t told me about what a major asshole your father is, I wouldn’t judge you for the actions of someone who merely shares some of their DNA with you. So? What about the fact that your dastardly father was the cause of most of my fake criminal history? You weren’t the one behind the scenes. You weren’t at fault for- this.”

“I could have been.”

_But even then, you probably wouldn’t care, right?_

Ren had a quiet smile on his lips, as if he’d read Goro’s thoughts.

_That fool._

“Look, Goro.” Ren motioned towards a specific part of the bed- namely, the place where Goro had intertwined both their hands and hadn’t let go.

Alright, so maybe he’d move the heavy talk up instead of waiting for tomorrow to come.

“So long as your wish to remain by my side doesn’t change, the world may end up burning- but so long as you tell me what you think, what bothers you- I won’t leave your side. I’m in here for the long haul now- and no confessions about seeming murders or asshole fathers will shake me off. As long as you’ll have me, that is- as long as you tell me what’s on your mind.”

“As long as I choose you over Akira, you mean.”

Ren grinned wryly. “I don’t want you to misunderstand- I’m not forcing you to choose between me and him as friends. Actually, I’d like it very much if we all were on good terms in the near future- just…I probably wouldn’t stand it if you two got back together. I also have a fragile heart, you know? I mean, if you don’t end up – liking me, we can’t help that. And we obviously can’t look into the future and swear to be together forever- feelings may change. I just…want you to make a decision in the now. The current. What does your heart desire? Me, or him? Would you end up running back to Akira if he begged you? If the world had wronged him? If his actions- whatever you interpreted them as- weren’t something that he had done to hurt you, and he loves you?”

The answer was so obvious, Goro found it almost pointless to speak it out loud. But Ren’s gaze remained serious- and despite the quickening of his heart, Goro knew this was a crucial moment.

“I might be an ass for making you face such a tough decision after- whatever happened tonight with Akira. But since you don’t want to share the story about that- I am merely asking for you to face your feelings. You told me Akira made you look at him- made you care for him. But who is it that you want, deep down? Now? Between the two of us? To stay by your side as something else than a friend- someone like a lover, but also much more? A friend, a helping hand, a safe haven in need?”

Goro wasn’t one to face his feelings and spill them out. But he grew acutely aware that, if he didn’t voice his thoughts right now- Ren might slip away, despite the fact that the fool wanted to stay with him, wasn’t thrown off by his father, wasn’t thrown off by his black soul. Deep down, Goro had always known the answer to the question Ren asked him. There hadn’t ever _been_ anyone else, but his mind had shown him a real future where he could have something- someone similar, he realized with a startle.

And while Akira did make Goro look at him, deep down- Goro had still associated those onyx eyes with someone else.

“It’s never been anyone else but you, Ren”, he spilled out, closing his eyes to hide he hadn’t just laid his heart bare- but Ren, with his sheer presence, with his stupid laugh and his unbelievable kind nature and his acceptance- forced his eyes open again-

-and the smile on Ren’s face knocked the breath out of Goro’s lunges.

“That makes me very happy, Goro. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is what I meant when I told you to prove a shred of trust- laying your heart bare is something that must kill you, I know. But it makes me want to trust you, because you wouldn’t jump over your own shadow and do something so crass…if I didn’t mean anything to you.”

And, despite his whole body trembling in retaliation at laying his heart bare, Goro had never been gladder to have spoken out his thoughts.

The smile on Ren’s face- the roguish nature mixed with undeniable happiness- was just too good to be withheld from the world.

 _Or_ , Goro thought, _from me._

“And…what about you?”

“Hm?” Ren snuggled closer, letting their foreheads touch together- and the stupid smile was still on his face, as if it would never want to leave.

“I thought I made it pretty obvious I’m far beyond whipped for you, Goro.”

“And you’re not…saying that out of pity, or feeling bad for- making me face the truth?”

“No, and if needed, I’ll spend the rest of my life making your doubts about that disappear. Though, well, that’s- if we stay together, mutually.”

Goro hadn’t ever thought of having a future, but a wish formed in this moment- to grow old with the stupid fool by his side- it burned brightly in his chest, burned brightly in the darkness enveloping them. Even though he scoffed at himself for being sentimental- because he had no future, because it was foolish to think like that-

“Your mind is running in circles again, Goro. Stop that. Or tell me what it is that bothers you- I’ve already accepted you in your whole, Goro. That’s what you wanted to see- or rather, test, right? Nothing will ever throw me off from liking you- be it the good, or the bad, you know. The only thought that scares me- just like you- is being abandoned by you. Everything else pales in comparison.”

It was one of the most beautiful things in life Goro had ever had the privilege of hearing.

He closed the gaps between their lips by giving Ren what he deemed a gentle kiss- he didn’t really know what gentle was, yet, after all. All that he knew was that Ren was- despite the odds- prepared to stay by his side if Goro let him.

And oh, Goro wanted that- the desire burned in his heart stronger than the fire of revenge. It flickered stronger than the immense fear of making himself seem vulnerable.

Goro grabbed the hand cupping his cheek-busy wiping the now dried trail of his tears away- and instead, settled Ren’s hand right over his heart.

He returned Ren’s curiously sparkling eyes with a stern look of his own.

“I- I’m a lot of work.” “Sure are.”

“I have probably- another skeleton or three hidden inside my closet. Though I suppose the most severe ones are out of the bag already.” “Mhmmm.”

“I- I want to work on…urgh, I can’t believe you’re making me say this- on…on sharing my thoughts with you.”

“That’s good.” Ren’s smile, gentle and kind, turned impossibly softer, and Goro cursed him for that.

“I want this- us. I want…us.”

 _Very eloquent, Goro._ _Very._

Ren didn’t laugh, though. His smile just turned wider- if that was even possible. Goro’s heart was hammering like a mad rabbit trying to escape his perpetrator as he was eaten alive, his skin being shed- and Ren felt his feelings, felt the sparks of adoration inside of Goro, because Goro- with the hand that wasn’t still strongly intertwined with Ren’s- held the raven’s hand strongly against his ribcage.

Because Goro didn’t exactly want his hand to be somewhere different, anyway. 

“And- you’re…willing to want this, too?”

“Love is not a question of willing, Goro. But in this case- yes. Very much. If you’ll have me.”

Goro scowled. “I thought I made that pretty obvious by now. Don’t you dare- tease me! I know what you’re doing!”

“Dang, I’m busted!”

Ren’s laughter filled the attic, a melodious sound that played alongside the beat of Goro’s heart. And, weirdly- he wouldn’t want it otherwise, he realized. It would take a lot of time for him to become someone that Ren wanted him to be- someone who could face his feelings instead of swallowing it all down.

But, he thought darkly, thanks to the fact that Akira had always shared his thoughts with Goro and patiently explained him that it was the only confirmation Goro could get- Goro was willing to try to attempt the same now. With a different guy. With the guy he’d been desperately craving for for months.

Even if the future was still dwindling.

He closed his eyes at the euphonious kiss pressed to his mouth.

“Glad we got that part behind us, Goro.”

“I still don’t believe you. Fully. That you don’t- hate me.”

“Oh, I might a bit-“

Goro flinched-

“-but that’s only for the part of you that thinks I’d throw you out for confessing to feeble things like the ones shared tonight. Though, well…I suppose I am also very much responsible for the fact that you think the way you do- I _did_ make you think I threw you out, after all. But, just let me repeat this for the millionth time: I won’t repeat the mistake again. Really. And I’m sorry for ever doing causing this.”

“You better be.”

Only Ren would laugh at his snarky replies.

It was followed by a yawn, soon to stretch its way all through Ren’s body- and making Goro feel his own exhaustion in return, too.

_Facing feelings and the truth- takes a lot out of you._

“Alright, uhhh…” Ren yawned again. “I think- we still need to talk about even more.” Goro groaned at that.

“Yeah, don’t gimme that attitude, young man. But I also know you’ll probably face one hell of a mess tomorrow in university- and you’ll need all the energy you can get. So…let’s continue this after you come back from work, okay? We could take it slow- but we’ve missed so much time already, I’m not willing to wait anymore. Uh, _too_ long that is”, Ren murmured. “Can’t make you face your shit without me willing to become more patient, too. Wouldn’t be fair.”

And, Goro, spurred on from the adrenaline slowly leaving his veins, decided to open his heart up again:

“I think…you’re already patient enough. If you become too much of a lenient man- I’ll probably never open up. You’ll dance the dance of pushing and waiting on a dangerous territory with me- a wrong choice could send you hurling across the room.”

“But…the right choice?”

“Probably me in your arms.”

“Then I’m willing to take that chance, Goro. Good to know you appreciate my level of patience.”

“I do not.”

“Well, you just saiiiiiiiid sooooo.”

“Was a fever dream. Of yours.”

Goro buried his burning face in the crook of Ren’s neck.

“Alright then. Guess I hallucinate things, then.”

“Definitely.”

“Sleep well, Goro.”

A pause.

“You…too, Ren.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re ridiculous for thanking me for something stupid like that.”

Ren was already out cold, it seemed, having fallen asleep to the sound of their banter. Into the darkness, Goro whispered: “But I like you for that.”

It would take a lot longer for Goro to put the word ‘love’ in his mouth- or even admit the world ‘like’ to Ren himself, opting to use different choice of words instead. He was still terrified, after all. But he also- wanted to conquer this fear, and see beyond.

Explore what was waiting for him.

Needless to say, though his sleep was short, it was, once again, one of the most restful ones he’s ever had.

Goro dearly wished he’d be allowed to revel in this feeling a little longer.

For once, the future- albeit still nonexistent- seemed bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow the emotions I had when I wrote this. Too much to put into a tiny box, really. I can't. Gimme a moment. Hold on just one second. Additional thoughts and explanation in the following paragraph.
> 
> GORO HAS FINALLY DECIDED TO FACE HIS FUCKING MESS OF FEELINGS!!! And a part of his heart will, uh...well, we'll see what Akira's done to him later properly, I guess. Also Ann's dedication is just adorable, and I totally get why she didn't want to leave (I mean would you????). Her and Ren's first meeting was hilarious tho lol.  
> I know usually by putting in the cursive words, I'm portraying Goro's feelings, and the focus really had to stay on him- but I hope the few times Ren's feelings were put out there were still clear, and if not, please tell me so I edit it over at some point lol. I couldn't resist putting some of his feelings out there, because they're obviously just as important as Goro's. And while Ren does speak of "Love being a choice" he didn't say he 'loved' Goro quite yet, because he's unsure how strong his feelings are himself. He knows he likes Goro- crushes on him- wants to stay by his side and wouldn't even hand him over to Akira- but he's wary of using the word "Love" too carelessly, especially when it comes to Goro.  
> Phew.  
> I really hope I managed to live up to your expectations! I know it took a looooong fucking time to reach this point, but well...It was necessary for Goro to step back and live a different life for a while, even though that had been- initially- the thing he wanted to avoid the most. Funnily, the same thing applied to Ren, but Ren needed a catalyst to realize and think his actions and life over in general. The time spent apart let him embark on a short self-journey as well. He just didn't really think he had the right to spring into Goro's life and tear him apart from Akira when he finally found his luck with someone, cuz he's not an asshole. And he has a problem with being selfish, lol.  
> Though I guess the characters will delve into these matters themselves later on, too (but anything I just said was spoilerfree because it's never clearly said or written about and I think it'd disrupt the flow of the story and dialogue if they put ALL their thoughts into words, lol). I just feel like it's still important to point this out before they spring you this heavy feels stuff in some later chapter and you're like "Uh wtf when did this happen". It probably happened around here.  
> Luckily both of them didn't spend a lifetime realizing shit (or more like: luckily Akira had a connection to Shido, lol).  
> It was also really fun to include the P5R dialogue Goro used in the game himself and add new depth to it (at least I hope I did lmao). 
> 
> Let me know what you thought about this chapter! It's seriously one of the turning points in this fic, and while there's still a clusterfuck of things and a few twists waiting for you, I suppose this chapter was still one of the most important ones. Now Goro can truly start and embark on his messy journey and try to find a balance in himself.  
> Hope you liked it!


	33. The Arcanas worry; The Fool hashes a deal; where hath this lead?

Things felt different the next morning, and yet they remained all the same. Ren insisted on changing his contact name while Goro was busy changing. For a moment, Goro hesitated in giving his phone away- privacy and dark secrets and all that- but he realized that most of the bad things he’d done in life were already known to Ren, and he didn’t seem to care.

Still, he made Ren swear he would really only save his name and not look at any conversations Goro had held in the past- specifically, he thought to himself, the one with Futaba.

When he got his phone back, Goro snorted.

Of _course_ Ren would chose a ridiculous name like “Big Teddybear Boyfriend”.

It warmed his heart, still.

Though he’d never admit.

“I was really glad you didn’t delete my contact name while we were apart, Goro- but ‘Fucking annoying bitch’? Your sass level has a higher standard than that.”

Goro shrugged, opting to take another bite of his pancakes instead- they were, needless to say, perfect. Ren was a master at preparing stuff even when time was short.

“You know, Akira always prepared meals and food for me as well- but, weirdly…It didn’t taste as good as your stuff. Though he’s a good cook nevertheless.”

Goro wasn’t sure if it was becoming of him to talk of his ex so casually, but Ren didn’t seem to mind, his cheeky smile returning full force.

“Guess he was missing the most important ingredient.”

Goro raised one of his eyebrows. “Don’t tell me-“

“Love.”

The detective’s groan didn’t have much to do with the taste of the food. “You’re so-“ “Dumb? Insufferable? Loveable? Handsome? Adorable? I’ll take anything from you, babe.”

“Idiotic”, Goro murmured instead, but it didn’t deter the smile on Ren’s face.

“So long as it tastes better than his food- well, I’ll take any compliment I can get.” “That wasn’t exactly…a compliment.” “For you it wasn’t. For me it was.”

_I should just keep eating._

“Speaking of…Goro.” Ren’s tone changed, his unusual serious voice coming out. “You’re…possibly confronting him today, right?”

Urgh, here was the one topic Goro was hoping to avoid.

“Don’t be too harsh on him. I might not know what happened- and you’re gonna spill the beans latest this evening, I swear- but he’s still my brother, and I know deep down he…doesn’t harbor bad intents.”

“For you, maybe”, Goro hissed, “Since you’re family and whatnot. But me? I was a tool for him, that’s all. Don’t worry- I won’t even acknowledge him today, as I do not have the patience to listen to his bullshit.” Goro took another angry bite, hoping the taste of the pancake would help him overcome his bitterness.

Sadly, it didn’t.

“Well, you can’t run away from that forever, Goro. I’m not saying this because I want you to solve your issues with him. I’m afraid I’m a little too selfish for that.”

Goro raised one of his eyebrows, scrutinizing Ren’s face. “Then tell me- what your reason might be?”

“Well, for one, I just want it to be clear to him that we’re together now- so that he doesn’t attempt anything funny, you know.” Ren’s impish smile was attempting to send Goro into cardiac arrest.

“And, well secondly- very closely related to the first reason, frankly- the faster he realizes it’s over between the two of you, the faster can he grow adjusted to the idea of you two staying friends. In the past, if someone stole his stuff away- or robbed him of an opportunity- he was very forgiving. From what I heard about the relationship you two had, however, he was oddly possessive about you.”

Goro snorted. “You mean when he drunkenly confessed how jealous he was of you- again, actually- for having the privilege of claiming my ‘maiden lips’ first? Among other ridiculous stuff?”

Ren hummed in acknowledgement. “Yeah, I think he’s gonna end up really hating me for snatching you away like that- because frankly, I don’t know shit, but I sure as hell am convinced he doesn’t think the two of you broke up. At all. And he does love you, from what I know.”

“Well, he better get used to people leaving him and not gaining everything he wants, then. Life isn’t a fairytale. Besides, you’ve given up more than just your life to him once- surely, giving up on _me_ in return shouldn’t be that difficult.” The venom in Goro’s voice was unmistakable.

The barista only sighed. “Well, I’m fine with him hating on me, really. Can’t say I used a lot of gentlemanly methods with how I tried to win you back.”

“Oh, you were using my vulnerability to take advantage while I was suffering under a mental breakdown?”

“No! No, it wasn’t- anything like that!”

“Good, because I certainly didn’t think you were attempting that. If you were…”

“No! Fuck, no, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then explain.”

Ren sighed. “Look, I should have- let you sort your shit out first. Like, let you talk to Akira. I don’t know, talk to your friends- don’t argue, Goro, I only heard how you interacted with them in the first month, but they _are_ your friends- let you…sort through your feelings. But I wasn’t patient enough for that, meaning I’m sort of an ass-“

“Well, do you regret it?”

The barista seemed taken aback by the question. “What?”

“I said, do you regret not being a gentleman and all that bullshit, Ren.”

“Uhhh…no?”

A satisfied smile flashed into Ren’s direction. “Good. Because I don’t, either. And if Akira can’t grow used to this newly established…relationship, well- that’s his problem. Frankly, I’m not here to take care of his feelings and make sure he isn’t hurt.”

Goro dabbed his mouth with a napkin, and Ren grabbed his other hand- curling his fingers around it so hesitantly you think Goro would break. “That’s- also not what this is about.”

“Then what do you mean? Your brotherly instincts surely don’t go far enough again to give me up to him- once again”, Goro added sharply, earning him a guilty flinch of Ren’s.

“No…I just. I know he means something to you, Goro. You might be full of hate for him now- for whatever reason there is- but I know deep down, you wouldn’t want to hate him, given the choice. Because- you value him.”

“I don’t!”

“Then why did you jump after that lunchbox when I once threw it out of the window, bruised and battered as you were, Goro?”

At that, the detective remained silent.

“Look. He’s not the type of guy your father is. I won’t say he didn’t fuck up- he probably did something terrible for you to be this upset with him. But it’ll hurt you if you tell him to fuck off for the rest of his life- because despite all, you do see something in him. Though…”

Ren carefully drew Goro’s hand to him, pressing a kiss onto the back of his hand. “I’m not giving you up to him- not when you’ve granted me a chance. But I just want you to indulge yourself in all the happiness you can find- and if part of it lies with him, in the meaning of keeping a close friend- I’m not stupid enough to refuse you that. As a boyfriend? I’d have…trouble adjusting, I suppose.”

Goro wondered how someone like Ren could think that _he_ was the one being granted a chance by Goro, and not the other way round. Ren was the one who took him in. Ren offered they’d get together if Goro wanted to- Goro didn’t do shit.

Still, as mysterious as Ren’s trail of thought was to him, time was running.

“It doesn’t. My happiness- doesn’t include him.”

“Don’t be so stubborn, Goro. Well, I guess it’s no use telling you about it, though.”

“Whatever.”

Ren heaved another sigh.

“Well, at least don’t kill him, okay? I am interested in keeping my brother alive, after all.”

Goro felt a tinge of jealousy at that- but he reminded himself of that fact that Ren, for all his brotherly love- refused to hand Goro over to Akira.

It satisfied him to an extent.

But only to an extent.

Ren waved him off with a worried look on his face. It occurred to Goro that he didn’t check his phone for any unread messages, actually. He saw a number popping up on the message screen when he checked Ren’s new contact name, but he didn’t bother checking _who_ wrote him and what.

Since there was nothing else to do in the train, he decided to do that- only because there was nothing else to do. He wouldn’t waste his time otherwise.

As expected, there were multiple messages right after Goro had fled off- though only one of Akira’s messages went ‘Oh right he forgot all his stuff with us he didn’t take his phone either’ so most of them included frantic yelling about where Goro was and what happened.

He deleted all of them.

Or would have, had Ren’s morning speech of ‘Acquiring happiness’ didn’t somehow rebel against his will to delete and trash every single one of these dumb people.

He decided to delete the contacts after reading the messages.

The frantic texts subsided after a certain time- but there were a couple of messages that stood out in particular.

_KiraKira (03:43): I know this is all my fault for never explaining. I’m sorry. I promise to tell you if you give me a chance_

_KiraKira (03:45): I wasn’t lying when I said I love you. I never lied about my affections for you. Please_

_KiraKira (03:46): At least for your own sake, believe that. Please don’t think everything was a lie._

_KiraKira (03:56): Also, I’m really glad you went to Ren- I wouldn’t have known where else to find you and gone crazy._

_KiraKira (04:10): I love you. I’m sorry._

_KiraKira (04:15): Let’s talk tomorrow after you finish work- if you’re willing to talk._

_KiraKira (04:30): I think I’ll skip uni today. I can’t really sleep knowing how much I must have hurt you._

_KiraKira (04:50): I’ve repeatedly told the others to back off, since this is between us. They might not listen tho_

_KiraKira (04:51): Esp Ann. She said she’ll go get you tomorrow, whether you want it or not. Sorry about that._

_KiraKira (06:00): Text me a location if you wanna talk. I’ll be there in a jiffy._

_KiraKira (06:01): And please take care of yourself._

Goro didn’t feel sorry for Akira at all. After all, this might still be some sort of manipulative notion to win him back and- use him for whatever Akira had wanted to use him for.

_That model friend (03:30): I’ve thought about it, and for the sake of our friendship, I’ll keep my mouth shut (once again)_

_That model friend (03:31): And I’m sorry for being so insensitive when I was there. It wasn’t my place._

_That model friend (03:31): but I WILL make you talk tomorrow. My bffs miserable_

_That model friend (03:32): And u made me deliver u your shit in the worst hour of the day. I demand an explanation!_

Goro felt the familiar rise of bile and hate in his gut when confronted with a situation where he was seemingly coerced to do something. He wouldn’t explain Ann shit- to hell if all his lies came to light.

_GameMasterR (LOL GORO LOST MARIO KART AND HAD TO SAVE ME LIKE THIS) (03:50): no one makes my friends cry_

_GameMasterR (LOL GORO LOST MARIO KART AND HAD TO SAVE ME LIKE THIS) (03:52):but both of you looked like shit_

_GameMasterR (LOL…) (03:55): so I guess I’ll. Idk_

_GameMasterR (LOL…) (03:55): wait until the 2 of u sort this out_

_GameMasterR (LOL…) (03:56): Ik I hated on u a while back, but u aint a bad guy in truth… and we’ll stay friends, okay?_

_GameMasterR (LOL…) (04:00): no matter what happens._

_GameMasterR (LOL…) (04:30): I hope you know we share a bond that lasts, even without Akira_

_GameMasterR (LOL...) (04:31): And damn bud you can throw ppl. Gotta teach me that sometime._

Goro had…not expected this. Frankly, he’d expected much worse from Ryuji- considering how angry he had looked like when Goro had thrown Akira to the floor. He had actually expected Ryuji to nag at him and take the same route as Ann- declare Goro owed him an explanation.

But his messages contained nothing like that.

_The Artist (04:00): Doing things recklessly is against the aesthetics of arts, but sometimes, one has to breach that rule_

_The Artist (04:00): Humans might be more complex than art, but I do hope you stay safe until we meet again_

Uh. Well. Yusuke was as cryptid as ever, though he showed off concern for Goro regardless. Which was very nice of him.

Goro’s heart was heavy when he deleted the contact.

_Shiho Suzui (03:40): Are you with Akira’s twin?_

_Shiho Suzui (03:41): Wait forget that. Fuck_

At this, he drew his eyebrows together. What? How was he supposed to interpret this message? Had Akira told them that Goro was staying with his brother? Had Ann told them about how eerily similar Akira and Ren had looked? But Akira had been so keen about keeping this a secret. Would he really spill the beans so easily- or let Ann do that?

There was another message by an unknown number expressing their concern, and, judging from the flowery language, must have been Haru.

Goro deleted that one without even reading.

Funny how he had never saved Makoto's number. And good thing she hadn’t texted him.

_Morgana (04:00): I’m glad I got an opportunity to spend time with Lady Ann, but I frankly- have no idea whats going on_

_Morgana (04:01): She refused to tell me anything, and the others are keeping quiet…are you okay, tho?_

When Goro was done deleting the last of his contacts, he deleted the group chat- he didn’t bother to read what had went down there, either. 

All these messages, all their concern- could be fake, after all. But the panic in Shiho’s second message made Goro stutter in his path, and he wasn’t quite sure how to file her reaction away.

Guess he’d have to wait, for now.

Goro was glad he didn’t have to meet Akira during the day- and despite the fact that he’d expected Makoto to come after him, she was absent as well. Or maybe Akira had scared her off- who knew.

All he knew was that he was glad he didn’t have to deal with more bullshit thrown his way.

The day passed by strangely calm, like being inside the eye of a storm- something was brewing, Goro could feel that.

There was only one way he’d even _attempt_ to talk to Akira- but he’d have to ask Ren for support, he supposed. Leblanc was his only refuge, and if it meant risking the establishment in any way just so he could talk to Akira- which he didn’t want to do anyway, thank you very much- he wouldn’t.

Sadly, when he returned as the evening began to settle, Sojiro was the one who greeted him. Goro tried to hide his disappointment, since he figured it was not appropriate.

However, Sojiro was a man who had seen many faces in his life- and he had to suppress a snort at the obvious disappointment written on Goro’s face.

He therefore awkwardly greeted Sojiro with his best TV smile, sitting down at one of the bar stools- ordering a coffee.

He did not expect Sojiro to chat him up- though maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

“Look, kid- I want to get this over as fast as possible. I don’t really care what Ren does in his free time- but this here is still my place, and there are rules to abide. First is keep the place clean- and by that-“ Sojiro’s face twisted “-I also mean, clean of any sexual activities.”

Goro was glad he wasn’t drinking his coffee- choking and burning his throat wasn’t atop of his wish list right now.

Still, he did feel his face being set on fire.

“So. I don’t mind you’re sleeping over here for as long as you upkeep the rules. Have I made myself clear?”

Goro nodded frantically.

“Good. That’s…all, actually. Can’t keep that disaster kid from doing whatever he wants, anyway.”

Goro cleared his throat. “I…I am sorry for using your lodging like this. I can move out-“

_Where to, Goro?_

“-If I am causing you an impudence-“ “Ah, cut the flowery language, kid. Look. I’m not interested in whatever you two are involved in. And I don’t really want you to end up in the streets and sell drugs again-“ Oh fuck, he remembered Goro from _that?_

“I was making a joke, don’t look so terrified. I know you’re that detective kid, though I don’t know much about you. I was glad to know you’re not stranded on the streets. Look, I didn’t want to keep this conversation up for so long- I’m too old for this. Just keep away from danger, don’t involve my family- and we’re good. Am I clear?”

Well, that certainly meant Goro was in trouble already- his lifestyle practically invited trouble.

But he couldn’t move out from here. Where would he go? Maybe he could sleep over in Ren’s apartment for a while? But something about that bothered him- he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but it felt- wrong, somehow.

Goro was frantically gnawing at his lips when the door burst open and Ren blazed in. “Boss! Thanks for-“ his eyes fell on Goro, a shy smile appearing on his lips. “Goro! You’re back already. Sorry for being late.”

While Goro’s gaze remained transfixed on Ren’s extremely messy appearance- his hair was all messed up, more than usual, his clothes hung around loosely, his breathing a little stronger than usual- Ren moved closer to Goro, casually pushing the loose hair on the brunet’s forehead away before pressing an impossibly soft kiss onto it.

Needless to say, Goro fell into both a state of shock and embarrassment- shock, because such display of affection, despite what he’d grown used to with Akira, was still an entirely new concept to him- and embarrassed, because he could _feel_ Sojiro’s eyebrows shooting up behind the counter.

Ren flashed them both a grin- though the one he flashed at Goro was filled with a tad more affection and mirth- before he strutted around the counter and hung an apron around him. Sojiro was still observing him critically, to which Ren only had a brash smile for. “Sorry, can’t quite hold myself back when it comes to my boyfriend. He’s a cute thing, isn’t he? Also handsome. And smart! That combination is quite rare.”

Sojiro and Goro both groaned simultaneously, and the detective earned himself a wry smile from the older man. “Right. You know I can pass by without hearing how whipped you are, right? Well, anyway, I gotta head back- Futaba hasn’t eaten yet.”

Ren hummed in response, and while passing by, Sojiro put his hand atop of his head, tousling his messed up hair even more. “Glad to see you finally settled down, kid. Don’t break his heart.” As if offended, Ren put a hand atop of his ribcage, a shocked gasp escaping his lips. “I would never! Not when it comes to him. Right, Goro?”

Goro just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide forever. He was more than just glad when Sojiro finally up-and-disappeared through the door. When Ren came close enough, he swatted him playfully. The barista’s eyes twinkled in amusement.

“What’d I earn myself that for?”

“You _know”,_ Goro grumbled, the redness of his cheeks remaining.

He only got a laugh in return. “Right. Don’t worry, I won’t put you in any trouble with the media or something- so at least let me show some affection where it’s safe and sane.” “Whatever.”

“You know you liked it.”

Goro wanted nothing more than to throw his empty cup of coffee after Ren.

For obvious reasons, he didn’t.

“How was work? Went well?” Ren started preparing food-judging from the amount, for the both of them- but Goro knew that wasn’t what Ren actually wanted to ask.

Still, he supposed there was no harm in playing along. “Work was fine. A lot of boring paperwork, I’m afraid- but otherwise, very peaceful.” “Good”, Ren hummed in response, and the delicious scent of curry filled the air. “And…how was college?”

“I didn’t run into any of them, in case that’s what you were truly playing at. None of them even so much showed up near me, that is. I got a shitton of messages on my phone with weirdly concerned or overly rude messages. Akira said if I want to talk I should text him a place.”

For a while, a comfortable silence settled in Leblanc as Ren continued preparing curry, before whipping up two plates and serving Goro a steaming hot meal.

Ren sat next to him on the high stool bars, passing cutlery and a napkin. There was an unwritten question in Goro’s eyes, and he hoped Ren would pick up on it.

To Goro’s disappointment, Ren apparently wanted to play around a little longer. “Well, there are many places you could meet up. In the Okama bar with Lala, for example- though she usually throws out any troublemakers, so if it escalates into a fight, that’s no good. Or my other apartment. What do you think?” Ren threw him an enigmatic look, and Goro _hated_ how the guy obviously knew what Goro was up to, yet refused to speak up on it.

Obviously he was taunting Goro to speak his mind, and the brunet both hated and loved him for it.

He fiddled around with the napkin, almost tearing it apart as he let the proper phrasement run through his head, while Ren begun to consume his meal.

“If I told him- to come here. What- would you think?” Fuck, speaking his mind without filter was a torturous thing, Goro thought. The barista, meanwhile, chewed on thoughtfully before tilting his head in question.

“Depends. Would you want me to be present?”

There was a big lump blocking any possible sounds escaping Goro’s throat, and he couldn’t take the intense gaze Ren was throwing him- so he averted his eyes, nodded slightly instead- and fuck, even that movement took a lot out of him.

He knew it was a lot to ask.

He knew these brothers had literally avoided each other for around five years and for Goro to request them to meet up for his own selfish desire was utterly ridiculous. Not to have them make up, but because Goro wanted Ren as some sort of…stupidemotionalsupportbracket oh no he was a loser for thinking this, but it’s where things had come to.

But he also felt like if he confronted Akira without Ren- things could go ugly fast. There might be yelling and screaming at best. Punches and blood at worst.

Possibly all of it at once.

There were a million thoughts racing through his head, but putting them into words- was neigh impossible.

One of his hands, which was busy tearing the napkin in a million pieces- was suddenly covered by an equally large hand. The napkin, or whatever had been left of it, was gently pried away, and another hand came up to tilt Goro’s chin back into Ren’s direction, forcing him to meet his gaze full on.

“Why do you want me there, Goro? Why do you want to meet here, and nowhere else?”

Goro shook his head. He wasn’t ready to put his thoughts into coherent words yet, and he was afraid he might look like a coward- but he knew he wasn’t ready yet to speak those words.

_Because you’re my anchor. Because this place is my safe place, because it’s the only place in the world I could possibly even begin to open up to anyone and not kill them a second after for displaying emotions._

_Because I hope you’ll be there to catch me if I crash and burn._

Goro shook his head again.

He should have been surprised, but he was expecting the human warmth suddenly draping himself around him- arms coming to rest at the back of his neck, a kiss on his cheek, and messy, black hair obscuring his vision- the smell of coffee and curry invading his senses.

“Sorry. I think I pushed a bit too fast and too far. I can sort of guess why, Goro. I’m lucky enough you asked a favor of me, actually.”

Goro only buried his face in Ren’s chest in response.

“I want you to know…that, well. This won’t be easy for me, either. I don’t know how you view me in your head- but I’m certainly not as strong and confident as I usually seem to be. I mean, there’s a reason I’ve never reached out to my brother in all these years- even though it would have been so easy. That whole ‘tainting his shine’ thing wasn’t a lie, but I know I shouldn’t think like that. I’m- a coward, too. For running away for so long and not facing him.”

Goro felt a deep sigh escaping Ren’s body. He wouldn’t actually have described Ren as a coward- but he could relate to the feeling of self-deprecation. Yet he felt an urge to cheer Ren up.

But he also didn’t quite find the words for comfort, so he remained still.

“I guess I’d be lying if I said I don’t mind at all. I do. But I’ve been a coward for too long, and I’ve realized- after we went different ways- what I might be missing out on in life. Though I’m still terrified of facing my past and seeing him- I can’t keep stagnating anymore. I want you to know the focus will be on you and Akira- and nothing else, however. My story and my brother’s- that’s something for another day.”

Was Goro imagining the deep inhale Ren took, almost as if wanting to inhale Goro’s scent, as if Goro could possibly smell like anything comforting or, hah, encouraging, or-

“I want you to be my strength when I face him in turn as well- would you be willing to do that? I don’t mind helping you out when it comes to confronting him and not leaving a bloodbath behind. I think I will need someone to slap me back to my senses if I try to run from my brother once we confront each other properly as well, though- and I won’t be able to do that without your help. Lend me your strength, and I’ll lend you mine.”

“I’m not good with words. I’d be impossible for me to offer you anything comforting, Ren. I don’t even know why you’d think taking _me_ , someone who’s crippled and broken, as an emotional support bracket.”

_Oh man, didn’t I tell myself not to say those words?_

“Sometimes, a person doesn’t have to offer words to be a comfort to someone. Have you never felt that way? Well, the lone fact that I’m hugging you and smelling you gives me enough courage to face my brother after five years of sort of radio silence. And you always throw those words around- of being a coward, of being an idiot- and I know while you say those words, you might be self-reflecting- but they still help slap sense into me.”

Ren drew himself away, a small smile on his lips while adoration flickered on in his eyes. “Maybe two emotional cowards might not make a good combination to be supportive of one another, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I appreciate the way you are- and for now, that’s enough for me. I don’t need you to turn into some therapist when my brother comes confronts me someday- I just need your presence, and your warmth. That’s all.”

“You know what you’re saying is ridiculous.”

Ren planted a kiss on Goro’s lips, laughing. “To you it might be. I know you think I could be your support crutch, but you’d never think you could offer support to anyone else, am I right? But your lone presence, even without words- can have a lot more value than you think, Goro.”

Ren cupped Goro’s cheeks, kissing him deeply, and Goro _melted_ in his arms.

Goro would never even dare to think he could be of help to anyone. All he ever was- was either a tool to reach a goal, or an annoying, rude presence. If he wasn’t either of these things, he wasn’t anything at all. To even suggest he’d be able to help Ren out- Ren, who had only ever helped Goro out and never even suggested something like needing _his_ help or even breaking down in a way that Goro did- how on earth would he even be able to support someone like him? Ren had never confessed to fears, or-

Wait, but that’s what he was doing right now. And technically, he had admitted to the fear of losing Goro many times over and over as well- and how he feared to be left alone and talked about what a coward he thought he was when Goro thought he was anything but-

But still. For Goro to leave such a flawless performance behind like Ren? That’d be impossible. If Ren started yelling and biting around in a moment of breakdown like Goro, Goro wouldn’t be able to catch him and make him stop- he might attempt to, but he might end up yelling and screaming back.

Which wouldn’t do anyone good, actually.

But it wasn’t like he’d ever _tried_ so far. Tried for real, that is. Ren had never broken down on him. So maybe Goro _could_ be of help when he hit the low? That’s what the raven was suggesting at least.

“I- I doubt I’d be able to leave such a flawless performance like you behind, Ren. You know it’s- difficult for me to express emotions, and- comforting someone has _never_ been a part of my world. I wouldn’t do you any good, I’m afraid.”

“So you’d call me a liar if I said I needed you?”

“Well, no, but-“

“I know what you think, Goro.” Ren caressed his cheek gently, as if Goro was made of porcelain. “But trust me on this- if I tried running out of the café when my brother confronts me one day, I know you’d kick my ass- sooner or later. And the lone thought of it- alongside with your presence at my side- is enough. One day, you might be able to offer me words of comfort, because I know deep down- you’re not the kind of person who wouldn’t want to do so.”

“Very bold of you to assume.”

“The only question here, Goro, is if you’re willing to _try._ This isn’t about fulfilling any expectations- or filling out and checking boxes of ‘How to comfort your emotionally unstable boyfriend’. It’s about the effort you’re willing to put in- and for now, the only thing I require of you is to be there. Even if you’re completely silent all the time. That’s all. Or would you say that when I held you and you broke down crying in my arms as you cursed the world- I wasn’t helpful at all? Not even the teensy weeny bit of supportive?”

Well, that was hard to refute.

“I’m warning you my performance will be terrible.”

“I’m well aware that is one possibility, yes.” Goro wanted nothing more than to wipe away the dorky smile on Ren’s face.

“But…I- well.” Goro cleared his throat. “I guess I would- agree to the conditions of this deal. I suppose. No matter how ludicrous-“

He was cut off by another kiss planted onto his lips.

Ren wore a brilliant smile.

“It’s a deal, then.”

Goro wondered if he would ever stop being swept away by his feet by the thunderous storm called Ren.

Probably not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A guide to "How to confess your love in the most difficult ways" by Goro Akechi AND Ren Amamiya.  
> I'm still glad they're back together lol. It's time to *takes out the micro* sort through the shit you caused, little babys!!! Woohoooo
> 
> Also I realized Ryuji's contact name sounded really aggressive and hurt the eyes so I took the liberty of shortening it lmao.  
> The other characters (aka Sumire, Hifumi etc.) had also left Goro messages, but they had been texted in the group chat when everyone was still in a frenzy, and they didn't dare to text Goro themselves.
> 
> Well, onto cleaning up the mess you left behind!


	34. The sun, the moon, the fool; in the end, a circle? Not quite, and yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> geeeeeeee this was hell to edit. Sure, the chapter isn't the longest one with roughly 12k, but...BUT MAN THE FEELINGS.  
> Anyway: dive in!

“So, what’d he say?” Ren asked as he dried off their now empty and washed plates, and Goro couldn’t suppress the playful remark on his tongue: “You know, with how dedicated you are to the household, you would make a fine husband.”

It only occurred to him too late that he’d spoken up without thinking the rest of his sentence through, and his face- that had _finally_ cooled down after that ridiculous display in front of the owner- burned bright and hot, the blush creeping into every bone of his body.

And when he saw the smirk on Ren’s face, he only thought _Oh fuck._

Ren quickly shoved the plates into one of the shelves, swaying his hips playfully. “So you think I make a good look in the kitchen, Goro?” “I- no! That was- I wasn’t _thinking_ when I said that, forget that-“ “Ah, no way- we can’t forget that, could we? After all, who would’ve thought you even _think_ stuff like that?”

Ren strutted over playfully, leaning down suggestively to meet Goro’s gaze- and he was satisfied to see the blush that turned Goro’s face would have made a ripe tomato jealous.

“I- I don’t. You just- have a tendency to- I don’t know.”

“Make you think ridiculous stuff? Aw, babe, I’m honored! You think I can awaken any secret and hidden kinks in yourself?” “Stop- no!” “I do hope you don’t believe I’d take care of the entire household on my own- work has to be equally distributed in these progressive times we live in, after all.” “Ren what are you-“

Ren, with his _ridiculous_ green apron, tried planting himself on Goro’s lap- not that was a good idea, as the bar stools certainly weren’t meant for the weight of two grown men- so Goro ended up yelling “This is gonna break, Ren, get away- get away!” while futilely trying to push Ren away.

Luckily, the ridiculous idiot backed off when Goro broke into laughter- forced one, that is, because Ren had apparently been aiming for his armpits the whole time.

Sneaky bastard.

Goro could easily kick Ren in the gut and have him let off, but he didn’t feel like…hurting him. He might have had a strong desire to do so in the past, but not anymore- not when he knew how…weirdly precious the raven had grown on him. So he didn’t want to inflict any pain if not necessarily needed.

Luckily, Ren let off soon- not fast enough in the detective’s opinion, but hey. He’d take what he could get. Obviously the barista earned himself a playful glare of Goro’s, but he only laughed it off.

Goro wished the sound would last forever.

“So…back to the more serious topics in life. Is he coming?” Goro nodded.

“When?”

“Said he’d be there as fast as possible. Judging from the amount of time that’s already passed, and if you can believe a liar like him- well. Should be here soon.”

Goro would be eternally grateful for the tea Ren served him- some sort of herbal mix that helped push his more brutal thoughts away whenever Akira’s face popped into his mind.

After a bit more chatting- mostly mundane themes, as talking about Goro’s or Ren’s past was definitely out of the question for now- there were noises coming in from outside- many more noises than a single person could have caused. Ren threw Goro a confused look, but was met with the very same- until he had a familiar voice chirp up from the outside and his face fell into a scowl.

“Fuck, I think it’s all of them”, was the only thing he was able to press out when the door swung open and a bunch of people stormed in- Ann was the first, yelling something like ‘Pardon the intrusion’, and behind her, a sullen looking Morgana trailed in, followed by an astonished Yusuke and the loudest one, Ryuji, was still held back by his shirt- by someone hidden behind the corner of the wall, and Ryuji was yelling at them to let go.

Goro thought he heard Makoto say something before she and Ryuji both stumbled in and hit the ground with a loud ‘Oof’, and Haru looked as timid as ever as she helped the two disasters up again. Sumire trailed in behind them, pulling someone along- the _actual_ invitee.

Ren was as overwhelmed as the panic and anxiety literally exploding in Goro’s stomach. Look, he had prepared for exactly _one_ guy, one and only one- not the whole fucking troupe together. At least Hifumi and Shiho hadn’t tagged along, or else he might have combusted on the spot- though well, he would combust, anyway, considering the amount of people in the café now, all thanks to Akira-

-who looked entirely miserable and extremely conflicted as his gaze swept over his friends.

_As if you’d even be capable of something like regret, you- you-_

_I have no words to insult you by, to be quite honest._

The café was extremely noisy now, all the beautiful silence stolen away by loud yells and screams or some mindless chatter, and Goro felt a vein pop.

He hissed, so quietly that he didn’t think anyone would hear and yet when he spoke, eight pair of eyes hefted on him: “What on _earth_ do you think you’re all doing here? I believe there was exactly _one person_ invited here- the rest of you can go to hell for all I care.”

A raging hate flooded his body- the uncomfortableness of being caught off-guard in his safe place was extremely disturbing- and he’d have thrown something after Ryuji, who had opened his mouth in retaliation-

-but Goro’s thoughts came to a screeching halt when he felt the warm touch of Ren’s hands covering one of his own again, squeezing lightly and offering him an encouraging smile.

That was also when the rest of the group became aware of the other presence in the room, and they all started yelling- most loudly, Ryuji- in a cacophony of screams and surprised gasps. It only ended when Akira pushed all his friends out of the way- effectively silencing each and every one of them with something he whispered into their ears- and came closer to where Ren and Goro were seated on the bar counter. His face flashed a million feelings all at once before he smiled wryly, tilting his head and whispering: “Good to see you both. Akechi. Little brother. Long time no see.”

Goro’s eyes widened in shock, flipping around to see Ren- wearing a poker face, his gaze refusing to heft on anything but Goro- and he whisper-yelled: “Little?!”

“Right, I guess I’ve never told you that, huh?” “What the _fuck-_ Ren, you said he was your ‘baby brother’!”

Ren only smiled cheekily. “Yeah. My ‘baby brother’. Not ‘little’ brother. I’ve always referred to his current state of mind, not his actual age. That said- good to see you, _big bro_.”

Though Ren still wouldn’t meet Akira’s gaze.

The latter’s eyes fell upon the hand covering Goro’s, and while it did cause Akira to raise his brows in questioning- he didn’t comment. Even if he wanted to, it was impossible by the sudden raise of volume again, as nearly all of Akira’s friends were yelling something about ‘Brother?! Since when did you have a brother? Are you twins??’

Goro was about to _murder_ someone when Makoto yelled, loud and clear above all of the voices: “Guys! Shut up for _one_ minute! We came here for a reason, and that- definitely takes priority above anything else. And the noises are _hurting_ my ears, so- shut up!”

Goro would have never thought he’d feel grateful for her, for once in his life.

Now, everyone shut their mouths, but there was an awkward silence in the air. Surprisingly, Ren was the one who broke the quiet. “How about- all of you just go sit in the booths? Though leave one of them open for Akira and Goro, that is-“

“With yourself”, Goro interrupted sharply.

Ren smiled back. “Sure. The three of us. Well, at least let me whip up some drinks, won’t you? Can’t have the new people here think Leblanc’s a bad establishment and doesn’t serve its costumers.” To Goro’s dismay, he removed his hand, stretched himself and snatched the apron behind the counter as he made his way back.

“What would you like to drink?”

To Goro’s surprise, the merry troupe of people actually followed his advice and trickled into the booths after yelling out their order. Well, some yelled- most of them went up to Ren like a decent person would. They diligently left one booth open for Goro and Akira- Goro was still seated on one of the booth seats, unmoving and stared at his hands, while Akira was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

He scratched the top of his head. “Akechi…I- well, I guess we’ll start talking properly later, but-“

“Bold of you to assume I even want to talk to you.”

Akira fell quiet, a sad expression on his face. “I know. I understand how angry you must be at me- but listen…I didn’t drag them with me. Actually, it was the opposite- they got wind I was hoping to meet you because Ann stole my phone and read our messages-“

“Don’t you keep a fucking _lock_ on your phone, you imbecile-“

“Apparently, she figured it out…“

_Don’t use that fucking puppy look with me. I’d rather eat dirt than believe the lie you serve._

From the booth Ann was squeezed in with Sumire and Makoto, she turned her head around and yelled back: “It was the day you two got together, dumbass. Of course I’d figure it out!”

Akira flinched slightly, his cheeks growing warm. Goro wasn’t meeting his gaze- but if he did, Akira hoped he would see the affection and the love he held for him were as strong as ever.

Even if he did have a bad feeling of Goro’s and Ren’s hands having been intertwined.

“Well, that was that. Ann then told the others and they followed me all the way here- well, ambushed would be the best term, I suppose. I didn’t plan for this.”

“Whatever. I’m not really interested in your stupid lies.”

This time, it was Ryuji’s voice which rose. “Look, we get it- you two actually deserve privacy, and it’s a jackass move we came here. This wasn’t planned, either- actually, only Ann and me were supposed to come along, but-“ “Yusuke got wind of your meeting”, Ann continued, “And then he told Morgana, because he needed a ride-“ “Well, it happened that Morgana and Makoto were together in that moment, dining at Haru’s- so that’s how the other three were informed.”

All eyes zoomed in on Sumire.

“Uh, I was just passing by when I saw you all entering the café and thought it was- a funny coincidence? I didn’t know this was serious! Apologies, I’ll leave immediately.”

She got up, her face as red as her hair, and Goro sighed- gosh, he hadn’t ever met a group of people this _dense-_ and obviously Sumire was held back by her friends, telling her to sit down again.

“Whatever. One more person or less doesn’t make a difference now, does it?” Goro hissed out, annoyed at the rise of volume.

Sumire sat down quickly, thanking him quietly.

Silence fell.

“Uhhhhhh…so maybe we did a mistake by storming in like this?” Morgana questioned into the silence, and Ren snorted. “No shit.”

All the young people- with the exception of three- winced simultaneously.

“Still…to think you have a twin, Akira. Why didn’t ya ever…tell us, bro?” Ryuji looked stricken. A few voices rose to agree with his question.

“Obviously because that’s his dirty little secret. If anyone knew, they’d be aware of what actual trash he is, wouldn’t they? That he isn’t the flawless, perfect little human being that he acts out to be.”

“Goro”, Ren warned under his breath, a stern glare on his face.

But Goro wouldn’t be stopped by that. “No, Ren- it’s the truth, isn’t it? It all leads back to it. It makes perfect sense! You see, maybe his petty little friends aren’t as hypocritical as he is, but I know- judging from their moronic expressions-“

“ _Excuse me?”_ “Mako, shhh!”

“-That they didn’t know about your dirty little secret. How ironic- in a way, they were all tricked, just like me. I wonder how much of you is as righteous as you claim yourself to be?”

“That’s it! Stop insulting Akira like that, Akechi!” “Mako!” “What?! Don’t hold me back, Haru! This is a serious matter! I won’t stand by and let my friend be insulted like that!”

Goro scoffed. “You’re only saying that because your crush-ridden eyes are hiding any flaw he might have.”

“Crush?!” Makoto looked indignant.

“Have you already forgotten that your big sister told me? Don’t act all innocent now, Makoto. Also- better hold yourself back if you don’t want your own secrets to be exposed. Whoops- too late.” Goro had the sweetest smile on his face as Makoto flushed red and exuded anger with every pore of her being.

She earned himself a chop on the head by Akira, while Goro received one from Ren. “What the- hey!”

Ren smiled wryly. “That wasn’t your place, Goro. I know she seems like a mean girl, but for your own sake- try and clear your problem with Akira first. If you want to trash her afterwards, well, that’s for later. Also, you know you were being mean and unreasonable. But I don’t need to tell you that.”

“Shut up.”

“Anything for you, babe.”

Ren truly knew how to use the smile Goro loved to see on him- it made his anger subside a little, and Goro sighed as he quietly acquiesced. “Fine. I won’t stray from topic now.” “Nice.”

Makoto received a similar stern warning by Akira, and the raven fell into the empty booth, exhausted.

Again, Goro was surprised to hear him speak up. “Why are you guys here, then? You know you’re intruding both mine and Akechi’s privacy. This is- between us. You guys shouldn’t be here.”

Ann frowned. “Well, but I do want to know what the whole issue was about- I know it’s not my place to intrude, but you _did_ send me to find Goro in the middle of the night, Akira. I believe it’s okay if I just sit here quietly while you sort your shit out and we all return to our apartments afterwards- besides, you literally _threatened_ us not to bother Goro today during university- which is really unfair, considering I was worried to death when you just called me like that and Morgana had to pick me up in the middle of the night. And…”

She threw a worried glance into Goro’s direction, who bristled. “Akechi, you sort of…worried me yesterday. I mean, I have no idea what happened between you and Akira- but I can’t just remove myself entirely from the situation until I know what’s up. You said something about- Akira’s secret?”

Goro snorted. “Actually, it might not be that bad of you all to have shown up here- Akira can tell you what a liar he is himself, then. Plus, I won’t have to explain myself to a bunch of retards like you all are.”

“Akechi, what the hell?!” Ryuji was held back by Yusuke.

“Ah, go ahead, Akira- why don’t you tell them? You seem to have deceived not only me, but _all_ your friends. Tell them why you’re hiding your brother like the dirty little secret that he is- then, I might explain my reasons for purposefully throwing you against the floor and trashing you.”

He earned himself a glare by Ren, yet Ren remained quiet- he was most definitely unsure how to handle this himself, probably. And, judging from his intellect- Goro was sure Ren had already a vague idea of what Akira could have done to tick Goro off this badly.

Akira looked crestfallen, all alone in his booth as Goro refused to move from his seat on the counter. He tried smiling at Goro, but his expression remained painful- a sigh escaping his lips. “Ren, would you be fine if I told them? I suppose…it would make it easier to explain why this whole mess is my fault, anyway.”

For a while, the entire café remained quiet- Ren concentrating on pouring another herbal tea he prepared for who knows who.

Maybe himself for a change.

When he finally turned around, his face remained solemn. “If you want to share our history to your friends, I don’t have anything against it. If you’re only doing this because Goro is sort of forcing you to do this- don’t.”

Ren accentuated his words by throwing another glare at Goro. “I thought we said this wasn’t going to be about me tonight, Goro.”

“And it’s not- it’s genuinely important to know that piece of information in order to see the bigger picture, dear. Besides, I never said I was going to play fair- or nice. That’s not in my nature.”

The barista sighed. “Right.”

Akira followed their banter with the ghost of a smile on his lips, but his eyes remained ridden with sadness.

“Akechi…would you come sit with me when I begin to explain? I miss your snarky presence beside me.”

Goro dragged Ren and himself in the opposite seat of the booth. Ren scowled at him all over again, but Akira only smiled ruefully.

“That’s all I get, huh?”

Goro clicked his tongue, annoyed. “If your pathetic behavior is all you wanted to show me today, you may leave- I don’t have the patience to deal with a liar _and_ a pathetic loser who doesn’t stand up for what he did. At least stay true to your misdeeds, fool.”

It earned him a chuckle from the raven opposite him, while Ren’s face remained impassive.

Under all his bravado and his confidence of trashing Akira, Goro remained nervous, however- his hands were shaking slightly under the table, grasping his clothing in an attempt to calm his racing heart.

Akira would tell his side of the story- but then Goro would inevitably have to explain himself. Talk about his origin- that only the twins seemed to be perfectly aware of. Maybe some of Akira’s friends- especially Makoto- would know his father. But they wouldn’t know about the bastard’s actions- or his terrible nature.

And Goro, having barely been able to talk about his trauma in a bed tucked safely with his lover, was _not_ looking forward to explaining himself all over again.

As Akira called his friends over to hear him properly, Goro began frantically gnawing his lip. Embarrassing and exposing the bastard for his betrayal would satisfy him, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it be enough to have Akira beg for forgiveness, and see how he dealt with the possible disdain of his friends as well?

Somehow, looking at the miserable guy in front of him- that had taken care of him for three entire months- made Goro waver in his decision.

_He’s not Shido. He’s not who I should waste my time on._

_But it would feel good to hear him admit his misdeeds._

_He was trying to manipulate me, after all- drag me onto his side._

Someone laid a hand on his knee.

Goro looked up in surprise, though Ren’s gaze remained nonchalant. His fingers, however, were drawing soothing circles on Goro’s knee, as if he knew that Goro was spiraling again.

Goro covered Ren’s hand with his own, squeezing it lightly in an attempt to calm himself. It earned him a quiet smile from the barista, and the brunet’s heart slowed down minimally- better than nothing.

When all of Akira’s friends had gathered closely enough- some of his friends just squeezed themselves in the nearest booth, while others sat on the bar stools they pulled closer- Akira begun to talk.

“So this all started when I came back home from a soccer match…”

Goro was slightly grateful that Akira didn’t name Shido quite yet- and he stopped talking after he informed his friends that Ren was forcibly moved to Tokyo and they lost contact due to their parents interfering. He also threw a questioning glance into Ren’s direction when he said he couldn’t contact him via letters, but didn’t elaborate why he refused to meet Ren when he was finally in Tokyo.

Goro wondered if Akira was aware of the second incident, or if he knew that Ren had been to juvie at all- but his thoughts were, once again, interrupted by all their friends exclaiming and crying about how unfair the whole situation had been. Makoto- obviously- added that none of this was either of the twin’s fault, and that neither could be blamed.

There was indignation in each and every voice expressing their sorrow and opinion about the forged case, and Ryuji cursed those ‘rotten adults’ that allowed this to happen in the first place. Ren only took all their pity in with a nod of his head, remaining silent, while Akira looked more and more miserable by the minute until Ren told him he had _never_ blamed Akira for anything that happened.

It drew a weak smile onto the raven’s face.

“Um…still…” Ann begun, hesitantly. “I mean, this whole story is really tragic- and I don’t think anyone blames you for hiding this, Akira, though all of us probably would have wished you to trust us more- we would have tried helping you, after all! But- what does this have to do with Akechi?”

“Maybe his occupation as a detective?” Morgana added in, his brows furrowed.

Goro felt a lump in his throat. He would have to do this now, wouldn’t he?

Surprisingly, Akira spoke up again. “Well…I suppose I have been deceiving you all…when it comes to a certain motive, I guess.”

He looked stupidly miserable again.

“I know you all believed I was inspired by Akechi’s speech on TV- and actually, that part is true, honestly- and that had been the reason I changed universities. I mean, I guess it’s not hard to guess why I picked law as all things to study by now- I’m still searching for a way to clean this mess up. But…seeking Akechi’s attention for- almost a year…was inspired by another reason at first.”

His puppy eyes searched Goro’s gaze, the rest of the group remaining in shared confusion.

_Urgh. Time to get this shit over with._

Goro inhaled deeply, his snark all gone- somehow, taunting a person who looked as defeated and broken as Akira did, didn’t please him. The only person he would love to see like that was someone else, after all.

Besides, he knew Ren would be grateful the less he tried taunting his ‘baby brother’.

“I’m not only a Detective. I’m also connected to the upper circles of society when it comes to my- _bastard_ of a father.” Akira blinked in surprise, not expecting the venom in Goro’s voice.

Goro focused on the hand on his knee.

“It was that piece of shit that condemned Akira back then- or Ren, for that matter. He was the one who tried assaulting that woman. Now, you people don’t have many braincells even as a group, but even you can imagine what Akira was possibly attempting to reach by gaining me as a friend- a _lover,_ even. Surely even you can’t be that dense.”

Makoto was the first one to show something resembling akin to shock, drawing a hand over her mouth, her eyes widening. “Ah-“

“Wait, no, I don’t get it. Guys, what’s the big deal?” Ryuji looked more confused than ever, and Morgana swatted him. “Idiot! Read the mood!” “Wha-?”

“He was trying to use Akechi to get to his father again, I presume”, Haru quietly explained, for which Goro served her a sneer.

“Why don’t you speak out the idea of Akira trying to emotionally manipulate me into doing his biding as well, Okumura? Is the idea too improper for someone like Akira? Because that’s what he was actually trying to do _besides_ earning himself a connection to my father. His crush? A lie. So were his feelings. Isn’t that right, Akira?” Goro was smiling again.

Akira, though the picture of misery before- seemed oddly determined now. “No”, he responded, much to Goro’s dismay, “It’s true…that I was lying about having a crush on you for a year before we got together. I- had an interest in you, I was obviously obsessed with you- and it’s true those feelings weren’t love. But that changed when we actually grew closer- when we spent lunch together, or you flirted with me, and when we became a couple for real. Or that time you cried over the feeling of a family, and I wanted nothing more in the world than to give you that. I was- charmed by you, Akechi.”

Goro wanted nothing more than to burn away the smile on Akira’s face. “Stop _lying,_ you hypocrite.”

“I’m not! I genuinely meant what I said. I know it was a douchebag move of mine to- hide my past, one of my initial motives for approaching you. But everything else after that- especially when I kissed you senseless on your welcome party- it wasn’t a lie! I didn’t lie about liking you, or my motives for nursing you to health again- I didn’t want you to think you owe me anything and- I just. I genuinely like you.” Akira deflated.

“I just wanted you to know that I do love you. And I’m an idiot for growing scared of- telling you everything. Because I was afraid it would end up similar to this- that you thought I was only trying to use you. The truth is- this might sound terrible, I’m sorry for this, brother- but when you finally started opening up to us all…I was genuinely distracted from my initial goal to reach your father. All I wanted…”

Akira was smiling as gently as he always did whenever he wanted Goro to feel weak in the knees. “…Was for you to be happy with us. And, well- all the rest that comes when…you’re a couple, I guess.”

He blushed slightly.

“And taking care of Ren’s past could always…be sorted out later? I mean, I had lost five years in doing that, anyway…would it be so terrible to let him wait another two or three years until I was able to bring you happiness and love and-“

Goro’s anger had grown, despite Ren’s calming presence, with every word that spilled forth of Akira’s mouth- and he wasn’t even able to register what the raven was saying anymore, except selfish babbles. Would he ever stop lying? There was no way he felt _anything_ for Goro, and he probably sugared his whole story up for coming off as harmless to his friends.

Because, oh. His friends.

Similarly to before, they were all bummed for being tricked like that- but they were all very accepting of Akira’s petty lies.

“I still don’t get why you had to treat him so roughly, Akechi. Like- I don’t see the problem. Fine, it wasn’t cool he lied a little- but I mean. No harm done, right?” Ryuji cocked his head to the side.

Goro was seething now. Could _no one_ share his opinion? Did no one understand what a terrible, disgusting, selfish person Akira was?

 _Especially_ when he said that stuff about letting Ren wait even longer. While Goro didn’t know what Ren felt about his case being overturned or his brother trying to help him out of the mess he himself created, why the fuck was no one talking about his egoism?

Ren himself remained as expressionless as stone.

“He’s trying to apologize for his actions, Akechi. And though none of us really liked being lied to- I sincerely doubt he’s lying about his affections to you now. It wouldn’t serve him any good, anyway.” Ah yes, Makoto Nijima, the fucking voice of reason.

Morgana chirped in. “Yeah! I mean, don’t do that again, Akira- lying is bad, no matter how harmless your lie was in the end- but…isn’t it fine now? I mean, you were so happy as a couple, anyway- surely, such a small thing can’t destroy your wonderful- albeit containing a loooooot of PDA- relationship. Right?”

Hope was glimmering in Akira’s eyes, a smile on his lips as he tried catching Goro’s gaze. “I really am sorry, Akechi. I’ll do anything you want to make it up for you- I promise! And I hope…this doesn’t mean the end for us. Because, uh. I really, really like you. Really.”

Goro wondered how someone could forcibly cause a blush upon their cheeks, because fucking Akira was blushing.

Blushing.

_Ha._

Goro’s had it.

Not even the hand on his knee could suppress the white-hot rage flooding his every vein and nook of his bones, filling him up. Why was everyone on fucking Akira’s side again? Why did no one understand the weight of his actions, of his every lie?

Why, why, why, _why_ was Akira still staring at him like Goro was his hope and dream, like he wanted Goro, when Goro knew what he fucking wanted- an overturn of Ren’s case, revenge on Shido-

He remembered anew Akira’s actions and words- how Akira had never tried overstepping his boundaries, how Akira remained loyal like a dog, like he was afraid of losing Goro, of how he always made his friends back off whenever Goro seemed uncomfortable- and while Goro would have _liked_ to be someone who could believe Akira- his memories with Akira were tainted a savage black, Shido popping up in every word and action. Shido tainting the picture- or former foster homes, using him to gain something over and over again when all Goro wanted was a little bit of love- and it all merged, came together, in the form of Akira Kurusu again, _anew,_ again, again, _again-_

“So…would you give me another chance, please? I really miss my boyfriend, Akechi- as mean and bitchy as he can be sometimes. I just- love you. I love you so much, and every day we spend together or apart makes it grow even stronger.”

When Akira’s friends began hollering and cat-whistling in support, Goro lost it.

He wasn’t sure what he was yelling- or that he was yelling, for a fact. Goro wasn’t even sure he was still in control of his body, but apparently, he was spewing all sorts of ‘I fucking _hate_ you, you bastard’ as he sprung up, pointing aggressively at Akira and screaming even louder.

The insults that rolled off his tongue weren’t pretty.

“You’re a fucking insufferable bitch- a fucking phony, a nightmare come true- and I wonder why on earth people keep believing all your pretty lies, why I was so stupid and believed you for the duration of a hot second- and the second was all that it took for you to make me lose my ideals, my principles, and you twisted it all, and now everything is even worse than before. There’s no human on earth that would be more despicable- except my father, maybe- and that I condemn as much as I condemn you. If I could erase your existence from my life- I’d do so without blinking twice.”

_Would I? If I hadn’t met him, then Ren-_

_Stop thinking, Goro._

The café was silent when he caught his breath.

Goro knew what awaited him now- the judging looks of seven people, all saying something like ‘How can you be so _mean’_ or ‘Dude, stop saying that shit- that’s not okay, even for being tricked’ because of course- of course, it was _him_ acting out, _him_ being the problem, _him_ being an ‘unlovable piece of trash’ like Shido had once said-

-and he knew that there wasn’t anyone who would ever understand the rage in his heart, that there was no one who could understand why he could _never_ consider Akira as a boyfriend again, heck, possibly never even look him in the eye again- because Goro was _done_ being discarded and condemned by society, he didn’t ever want to be used by anyone again, or lied to- no matter how small the lie was, how little it did.

He just wasn’t able to take it anymore.

He had only one single ray of hope.

And he’d be damned if he ever lost it again- literally, and figuratively.

Goro was breathing heavily, his breath coming in short breaths, and he didn’t dare look at the human barricade blocking his way out- if Ren so much as insulted him now, Goro was sure he’d break and never be human again. He didn’t really care that Akira looked ready to cry by now- Akira could go to hell and he wouldn’t care, but wait, Ren cared about him, so-

Fuck, Goro Akechi would _not_ cry in front of nine people. He’d rather die before that happened.

Technically, he had cried in front of Akira and his friends once, anyway- but it hadn’t been all of them, and neither did they corner in one spot like this.

_Fuck this shit._

A voice broke the silence- a voice that came from his left side- a voice that had always held a helping hand out for him in the dark.

“You know, if you channeled all that hateful energy into sex, I wonder if I could take it? There’s this thing called hate sex- could be a kink. Of mine. Or yours. You’re kinda hot whenever you lose your shit, is all I mean.”

Ren had the most shit-eating grin on his face, not minding the shocked gasps of the girls around him, or the frozen puppet his brother had turned into-

And Goro, despite being stuck in a spiral of hate, anxiety, panic and trauma- laughed.

“Do you- ever- think of anything else, you idiot?”

Ren smiled roguishly. “Depends. Would you want me to?”

Goro sank down again, and he was still laughing- though his laughs resembled chocked sobs- and he pulled Ren close, close, closer- buried his face in the crook of Ren’s neck, inhaled his scent- the scent-

Of Home.

Of acceptance.

He stayed like that for a long time, grasping onto Ren’s collar like a drowning man held onto a piece of floating wood- and he inhaled his scent over and over again, blending out whatever the hell was going on around him entirely as arms wrapped around his waist and spent him comfort.

He kissed Ren, desperately, like Ren was the only supply of air he had as he crashed into the waves of an infinite ocean, drowning, drowning, drowning.

He didn’t need to breathe if he could remain attached to his lips forever.

Closing his eyes, the world faded.

He was aware that at some point, Ryuji said something like ‘Dude, this is sick, what the hell’. He was sure Makoto was insulting him as well, trying to jump at him- but Ren held her off. Goro was well aware he was being a douchebag for kissing the brother of his ex in front of his very eyes when said ex was asking him to get together again- Goro couldn’t give off a bigger ‘Fuck you’ vibe than this, he supposed.

But still, he didn’t give a shit.

When he felt less shaky than before, he opened his eyes- and the first thing he was greeted with was Ren’s smile. “Hey babe.”

He didn’t answer, afraid his voice was still hoarse from screaming, and lightly hit Ren against the chest.

_Why do you make me feel like this?_

_What is this?_

_My heart hurts._

A quick scan of the café made him realize that some people had left upon whatever they’d interpreted in his breakdown and recovery- but, funnily, Akira was still there.

He looked entirely less happy than before, a frown on his face as his gaze flitted back and forth between Ren and Goro- and next to him, Ann had squeezed herself in. Her frown was more one of concern, not anger.

Yusuke was sitting on one of the bar stools, Morgana sitting next to him, looking rather nervous. Goro had expected the artist to be drawing, but Yusuke was only gazing at him quietly, his expression inscrutable.

Surprised, Goro noticed Sumire was standing near the door, looking back at him with a smile on her lips. She spoke up: “I can imagine- that there’s much more to the story on your side, Akechi. Actually, Haru can, too! And we both think you should tell Akira- and whoever you feel comfortable with. But since we’re not that close, we can imagine it might be a bit- difficult for you to talk so freely around us. But please don’t think we left in anger! Haru had to leave because Ryuji and Makoto were- a little upset. Please, enjoy the evening otherwise! Or, er. Sorry, that was inappropriate- but I hope you know what I mean!”

She left quickly.

Goro sighed, in the same moment that Ann started nervously fiddling with her hands. “Uhhh…so Sumire sorta stole the words outta my mouth…Look, you were…really not looking good yesterday, Akechi. I’m somehow- really worried. If you want to, please…talk to us! I mean, I do think that was sort of a douchebag move you just pulled, but I also realized that there might be more than what I can see with my eyes…Yusuke always babbles on about stuff like that.”

She trailed off, biting her lip nervously- and the artist spoke up in turn. “You seem quite close. My eyes might betray me for only being able to perceive reality, but I can sense that there’s a deeper bond here. You often listened to my ideas and my perception of reality and dream without judging me, Akechi. I want to do the same in return- that is, if you let me. I do feel hurt for my friend, and I am battling with a bit of anger inside me- but a larger part of me wishes to know in more detail what led you to all this. The torment of feelings clashing inside me- hm, it’d make a good portrait- but for now, I wish for you to continue.”

Morgana was scratching his head. “I sort of stayed here since I promised Ann to drive her home- and I can’t say I approve of what you just pulled, either. But I’m also sure you had your reasons- and I want to know them. I know we’re probably not as close as the others, though- so if you feel like I’m intruding, just tell me to leave and I’ll wait outside.”

Lastly- Goro hadn’t expected him to speak up at all- Akira spoke up as well.

“We lived together for, what, three months now, Akechi? I sort of know your ticks by now. I know you lash out at people as some sort of self-defense-mechanism, and… I also know that deep down, every time you lash out like that- you hurt yourself as well. Your hate consumes you from time to time, whether you like it or not. It’s- well, I thought if I can’t make you trust me, I could at least attempt to try and…replace that hate with love. But…”

Akira’s eyes glistened as his expression softened. “I guess I failed, huh?”

Goro didn’t really have it in him to answer.

The café remained awkwardly silent as Goro mulled over a million things. He supposed it was thanks to Ren that he hadn’t lashed out at any of these people speaking up. But he didn’t really know what they wanted, and he was afraid what would happen if he did the wrong thing here- maybe then, Akira would snap, and in turn, make Ren snap and in turn, they’d snap at Goro-

“Hey, Goro. Don’t you want to come clean to them?”

A hand caressed his cheek, his face, tugged some stray hair behind his ear. Ren was looking down at Goro- whom he was still holding close- with a strange, soft look in his eyes. “I think the impulsive part of the group just left the café- or the ones you don’t feel attached to, maybe. What if you gave up on the web of lies we spun together the past months? Tell them your story- of how it all started, and how we sort of ended up like this. And also…what that bastard did to you.”

Ren was whispering in his ear, and every breath felt like another caress- it made Goro shudder. He felt so weak when it came to Ren- and he felt weak in general, pathetic and useless and-

Goro buried his face deeper into the crook of Ren’s neck. This wasn’t the time or the place to fall for his self-deprecating mind.

“Gooooroooo…”, Ren muttered, playing with the hair that reached Goro’s nape. “Babe. How do you feel about that idea? Do you want to, or do you hate the idea?”

Goro whimpered, quietly.

“I know you’re scared. But I also know what a toughass bitch you are. You can do anything you put your mind to- that’s part of what makes you so sexy, you know? Oof- don’t just hit me like that!” There was laughter in Ren’s voice.

“If you’re merely scared of your voice giving up on you…don’t forget I promised to be your strength. I can be part of your voice- tell the stories you don’t want to tell, though you wish to speak of. I can lend you my voice, Goro. If you lend me your trust in return.”

Goro felt like a child when he spoke up again, quietly, so only Ren would be able to discern it. “And what happens if they all hate end up hating me?”

He knew Ren was smiling. “Then they weren’t worth it from the beginning, and you didn’t lose anything important. If they even attempt to do anything to you, you know I’ll fight back. But if they are worth something…they’ll listen. And they’ll understand. Your actions- or mine, while we’re at it- weren’t necessarily pretty ones. But they have a story behind them, and people who care will always remember that before they even so much attempt to judge you.”

Ren kissed his neck.

“You don’t have to tell them everything- you don’t have to say anything you feel uncomfortable admitting to anyone besides me- or even me, that is. Because if you feel uncomfortable, that will make them feel uncomfortable in return- and no one will gain anything from that. But you could tell them whatever you feel comfortable with- they’re here for you, and you only, Goro. I know a part of you- the part that has been tainted and ruined by that bastard- will keep whispering to you that they hate you, that they’re here to judge you. And I know it will be tough battling that part- but I think you’ll feel much less burdened if you defeat it. And you can- I’ll add my strength, too, remember?”

Goro still wasn’t able to use his voice, or open his eyes again.

“I told you I won’t leave. And I think you have the chance to gain even more allies who won’t leave your side- they’re just waiting for you to open up. Because you’re worth it, Goro, you’re fucking worth it. And with every ally you gain, you’ll grow stronger. Sure, it means becoming more vulnerable as well- but if anyone tries to hurt you, I’ll lash back a million times stronger. _We_ will lash back stronger.”

When Goro didn’t reply, Ren whispered even quieter than before: “Together, we can make the world burn- and build our own castle to live in. But with more people, we can even build our own world- establish completely new rules instead of burning the old ones. Doesn’t that sound awesome?”

“You know you’re asking for a lot when I have a full day tomorrow.”

“I’m aware.”

“I want curry and coffee when I come back home.”

“I’ll see to that.” Ren was grinning, Goro could feel it.

“If this goes wrong, you’re responsible for picking me up again.”

“Always.”

Goro extracted himself from the tight hold he had on Ren, leaning back- and kissing him passionately. The kiss sealed their pact.

Ren’s eyes were sparkling when Goro drew back.

“You’re forever a fool.”

“But I’m _your_ fool.”

“I suppose.”

“Aw, are you blushing? You’re blush-“ “Uhm, as much as I don’t want to interrupt your- whatever it is you’re doing…This is getting kind of uncomfortable to watch, brother. And I’m still sort of…okay, well, I guess Akechi will break up with me more clearly, but watching this while I still have a sense of hope is…”

“Whoops.”

Goro drew in a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. He felt Ren next to him, felt his hand intertwining with his own- and he felt like, just for a while, he could be courageous now.

Just a little.

“Baby steps”, Ren grinned.

And so, Goro began to talk.

Goro talked about a lot of things- beginning with how he grew up in a system where no one cared. He didn’t talk about his mother, but he did say she had unfortunate circumstances that led her to abandon him. He told them about his father- the crucial bastard who did everything to make him suffer. He explained how he had never cared about anything but revenge until a chance led him to Ren and they started a stupid, stupid game.

Yes, he did admit how badly he craved Ren’s attention, earning him a peck on the cheek- he scowled in return.

He told the blonde girl how lowly he thought of her and how he lied and used her to achieve his goal. That he was more than just a little surprised to hear what she was suffering under- and how he admired her for picking up the will to fight against it.

He explained the artist how eccentric he thought he was, until he found astonishing similarities in their life and an equally challenging intellect.

He had few words for Morgana, but he appreciated that he was trying to lend an open ear, even if he didn’t necessarily felt…much for Goro. Or Goro for him.

And, lastly, he told Akira how there was no way they would get together again- that his feelings were too complicated to explain in detail for now, but that Goro would never love him the same way Akira supposedly did (Goro still had a hard time believing that he truly loved him, but Ren told him to cut his brother some slack). Goro had confessed to their “game”, but he also told them that after he and Ren went separate ways, there had been no other reason to stay with Akira but his own selfish desire to be cared for and acknowledged, and Akira and his friends were all too willing to give him all that.

Someday, Goro wished, he could tell Akira all over again how he saw him as the sun- so bright and warm you couldn’t help but feel attracted to it, but for someone like Goro who flew on broken wings- was impossible to grow too close to, as it would end up in him burning and shriveling on the ground. Akira was too radiant- too pure and too perfect for someone who held the stained soul of a fallen Icarus close to his heart like Goro. Goro knew he’d said something along the lines once, but he’d never been able to explain it properly.

Maybe he could come and appreciate Akira as a friend- once he bested the demons whispering in his mind and learned of the perfect distance to keep from the radiant sun- but never as a lover.

Never again.

And in a way, maybe this was Goro’s revenge, too- that he didn’t tell Akira that he’d reminded him of his brother from time to time. That often enough, the happy world surrounding them only didn’t end up burning down because Goro saw someone else- the images mingled, they danced. Sometimes, it was more Akira than Ren, and other times, it was more Ren than Akira speaking to him- maybe Goro had therefore used Akira for more than just a game- something to explore his feelings on.

And maybe he should have said this, just for the sake of the truth, the entire truth coming to light- but Goro did not feel like laying himself bare to anyone yet. That included Ren himself. But the raven had said it, didn’t he- that Goro shouldn’t tell anything he felt like keeping to himself.

And maybe, therein lay his true cruelty: that he didn’t ever tell Akira he’d come to love him a little, too. That there was a tiny part of Goro he vehemently denied and hated and burned down forever, but that had really, truly seen the man in front of him for who he was. That he even still treasured him a little.

Because Goro Akechi wasn’t extremely resistant to love and affection, as fake and forged it was. And he wasn't incapable of procuring, it either.

Goro himself didn’t realize that the metaphoric image of the sun he depicted for Akira in his mind had often enough told its own story to Ren. But Ren himself, he didn’t mind- he knew where Goro stood now, and that was all that mattered. That he also didn’t tell his brother Goro did actually like him- was a secret buried deep in his heart, one that he selfishly didn’t want to tell.

Due to Akira’s action himself, any love that Goro had held in the romantic sense was burned down and shredded to pieces, never to return again- just like Goro had said. So much was true. No one knew, however…that this didn’t mean Goro would stop being able to treasure Akira as a friend, even if he was a distant one.

Because Goro Akechi wasn’t incapable of never forgiving anyone, except maybe Shido.

The road to become a friend again, however? That would be a rocky one.

A future Goro supposed that that was only fair.

The detective didn’t tell them he was an aide in murder, but he confessed most of his “cases” were staged and fake, and how his father would do anything to keep Goro under his thumb- and if he didn’t, he’d show him how easily discardable he was by sending goons to nearly murder him.

When he finished, he felt tired and exhausted like he’d never felt before- he sacked into Ren’s embrace, felt the latter lowly chuckle in his ear. “I’m so stupidly proud of you, Goro.”

“Well, you better make up for the emotional exhaustion I’m currently suffering under.”

“Oh, don’t worry- I will.”

Ren filled up parts of the story from his side as well- how he didn’t really throw Goro out despite fully knowing that he should have, or sort of seducing him so he’d fall for his brother except that that sort of…backfired in many ways than one. He also casually confessed to stalking Akira and bugging all their phones for all the reasons there had been- Akira told him they would deal with this later, because the focus would drift away too far if they dove into _that_ matter.

He didn’t tell Akira he was the one sending money, either, but Goro supposed it really wasn’t the time right now.

Now, the brunet had to wait for the combined reactions, and see if he was still going to be alive afterwards.

Ann picked up the word first. “This is…a lot to take in.”

The others nodded in agreement.

“I mean…sure, I’m angry for being lied at so often, but…despite your mean exterior, you had a really tough life, didn’t you? It’s no wonder you act the way you do- heck, if I didn’t have my friends around me and were put in your shoes, I think I would have turned out similarly.” Ann sighed. “I can’t say I’m really happy about this…but I don’t think it could put a damper on us being friends, Akechi. That is…if you want us to be friends. I can’t speak for the rest of our friends, but…do you wanna…like, try again?”

Goro quirked an eyebrow.

Ann was fumbling with her words now. “I don’t mean, as in, forget everything you did! Because that’s not possible. But- if you want to, you can try and be…even more the ‘real’ you that you’ve been hiding from us- sorta. Be more comfortable and at ease now that you don’t carry all those lies on your back anymore. Because despite all the shit you pulled- and damn, that’s a lot- I still want to be your friend if you feel like it. Just don’t repeat the drastical stuff you pulled ever again, please. Especially not those stalker lies. Dude, that was bad for my heart.”

She smiled wryly. “Besides, you owe me so many sweets as compensation for all your stupid lies, I wouldn’t let you go even if you _didn’t_ want to be friends anymore.” Her smile turned more genuine now.

“I also wish to know you more, Akechi.” Yusuke spoke up. “I believe we’ve had a lot of interesting conversations that stirred my mind- letting go of such an inspiration would be a shame. Besides, there’s a lot I still wish to know about you- and discuss about the psyche of human. I’m sure if you feel comfortable, you could teach me a lot more about how you view the world and I could incorporate it in art. I share Ann’s sentiment, of course- but I saw glimpses of your soul, no matter how strongly you may vehement, and though painted by tragedy…it’s beautiful, and I wish to know more. And maybe my art can tell you more you need to know about yourself, too.”

Simply because art was the language Yusuke felt most comfortable expressing himself in. Words, he once told Goro, can’t move and speak to the heart as much as a profound painting could. Now, he wanted to add Goro’s view of the world into his own world- the core of his heart.

If Goro was more of the sentimental type, he’d have sniffled.

Morgana looked bummed. “Oh man, your life’s been hard. No wonder you’ve always been this mistrusting towards us- even small lies from our side probably triggered you really badly, huh? I mean, I can understand where you’re coming from- but I’m glad that…you decided to tell us this. I’m sure Ryuji and the others will come to understand you as well. And now that we know what to be careful of, I think we could forge even stronger bonds and friendships.”

“Akechi?”

A small part of Goro was afraid that, after everything had gone by so smoothly- Akira would surely have some bitter words for him. This- couldn’t be, after all, could it? Goro knew he’d done despicable things, and yet none of the people around him were judging him for it. Sure, they didn’t like it, and they weren’t forgetting it anytime soon- but they held onto the idea of a friendship with-

-someone like him.

It was more kindness than Goro was used to.

Akira’s face was inscrutable, but there was a warm glow in his eyes as he searched Goro’s eyes. “In a way, I’ve always thought how lucky I was for you to become my boyfriend and reciprocate my feelings. But- I’m also a little bit of the greedy type.”

Goro threw him a quizzical look, to which Akira giggled, quietly. “I wanted you to open up to me- the same way you just did. Just…without my brother, I guess. But I suppose- I’ve never been the right guy for you, haven’t I? I think you were afraid that the worlds we grew up in were too far and too wide apart- and you were afraid that the jump from one to another would destroy the delicate balance established.”

Goro nodded slowly- it was true he never told Akira anything that mattered because essentially, he believed it to be impossible for someone like him to understand.

_He who grew under the sun and became it himself._

“Well, you’re totally wrong about that.”

Akira seemed miffed now, a bit angry. “I would have totally understand the way you felt and acted- and I am angry you didn’t trust me enough to do so. Didn’t you see, that- no matter what you did or how you acted, I tried to be as accepting and open as I could? Sure, I might not have grown up lonely and discarded by my parents, but-“

Akira’s words softened as he caught the steely glare Ren threw him. “-Sorry. What I meant was…I would have done my best to help and understand you. Heck, I want to help you even now- but I get it. I get it. You didn’t chose me, and I have to suck it up and accept that.” The raven bit his lip, staring at the intimate way Goro and Ren were intertwined with each other.

“You might be wondering why on earth I’m not angry for being used like that- but I suppose love makes you insane. A part of me dislikes what I was used for- but a much bigger part just wishes to prove you wrong…that you can love me. I’m a really bad loser, Akechi. Probably because I usually get what I want- except sometimes, life makes a mess outta that- like when I wished not to end up on probation for reporting that bastard, and then- my brother had to take the blame instead. Look, I…”

Akira averted his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t accept being rejected like this, because I do believe we could be a proper couple. I told you I was sorry for hiding my intentions like that- and I’ll never be able to undo that mistake, of course. I can, however, try to make up for it if you give me a chance. I refuse to believe you didn’t like me back- I’m sure you did, even if it was just a little. You did. So I want what you’re having with Ren- even a blind man can see the bond you share- but with me instead.”

Akira’s eyes were glowing like a madman.

“I’m not a douchebag that doesn’t accept your decision, however- so I’ll accept that I wasn’t chosen this time around. I’ll come to terms with it- someday, I guess. And it won’t be easy for me to just- become friends with you again, if you feel like accepting me back into your life…because you do have a heart, Akechi. I know my actions might have hurt you forever, but if you wanted to see me as a friend again, you could. I might overstep some boundaries, however and try to win you back, despite fully knowing I shouldn’t.”

Ren threw his brother a bold grin. “Don’t worry, if you ever overstep your boundaries and Goro fails to remind you- I will.”

Akira snorted. “Sure you will. You’ve never been the type to hold back, after all.”

“Correct.”

A sigh escaped Akira’s lips, and he searched Goro’s gaze. “I’m still stupidly in love with you. And I sort of hate you for- all the stuff you pulled behind my back, but it wasn’t like you were entirely at fault- Ren’s part of this, too, after all. And despite all that- I still want you back. I like you. I’ll say it as many times as I can until you believe.”

“I think what matters here is whether you can suck your stupid pride for a minute and become a friend to Goro- not whether you want him back, brother.”

“Urgh, shut up”, Akira muttered, but the insult lacked power. “Of course I will. I’m not giving up on him in _any_ way. Even if it means becoming his friend for a while.”

“You know, I’m still here, stupid twins.”

Akira and Ren both startled at that.

Yet, there was the hint of a smile playing on Goro’s lips- so the brothers exhaled the breath they didn’t know they were holding in relief.

“You’re pretty stupid for wanting to be my friend after all this, Akira. And for truly believing I have a heart to forgive you.”

Akira grinned. “I told you I’d be your knight- I’ve sworn loyalty to you. Won’t just throw that away. And I know firsthand that you’re really soft and mushy deep down there.”

“Well, then I’m gonna become his king, I guess- and command you to step back, brother.”

“Can you two cut this out?”

The twins fell silent, albeit everyone noticed how Ren tightened his grip on Goro.

“You really have both of them wrapped around your finger, don’t you, Akechi?” Ann was suppressing a giggle, while Yusuke seemed waaaaay too interested in the conversation and Morgana looked like he wanted to dart out.

Goro smiled now, a small smile, but he felt like it was the most honest one he’d ever presented to anyone else besides Ren- and it earned him a few gasps.

“Maybe. Could make good use of that, couldn’t I, Ann?”

The twins began protesting loudly.

“Oooooh, interesting idea!”

“Hey, wait, I didn’t agree to that!” “Goro, you can’t do that!”

Despite the future looking grim- and the looming threat of a shadow called death- Goro felt like things could be okay for once.

After everything was sorted out- there was more talk, more discussions about a lot of things- Ann spilled a few more tears as she hugged Goro goodbye, and he suppressed his own tears in return. Akira and Ren exchanged phone numbers- _ironic-_ with the promise to meet on the weekend and sort out the rest of the mess still part of the story.

Akira surprised everyone by hugging Ren tightly. “Sorry for being a coward for so long and neglecting you.”

Ren’s face didn’t even twitch, but Goro knew that Ren was thinking the same thing. It warmed his heart to see Ren murmur something back, and the raven pushed his brother away- yet there was an odd familiarity in the way he did it. Goro suspected it was sort of how they treated each other in the past before they had been blown apart.

Both Ann and Akira were spilling tears in the end, awkwardly grabbed by Morgana and pulled outside- Yusuke trickling after them with the idea of a new painting.

Ann turned around again one last time, and ran up to Goro to engulf him in another hug. “Sorry, I just- have to get this off my mind.”

She pried herself off the stiff figure Goro had turned into- “You said…you still want to take revenge on your father, don’t you? I don’t like fueling evil and bad thoughts, but you know what? Let’s…talk about this again. Even I can’t forgive some bastards for living, and I understand you…more than you might think. Though I suppose my case is a little different. Anyway- I know this is probably very wrong of me to say- but I think due to the fact that your father is the one who ruined both Ren’s and Akira’s life _and_ yours- who knows how many others?- we should definitely take action. We can’t just let…injustice rule like that.”

To say Goro was surprised to hear such venomous words spilling out of Ann was an understatement. Before he could say anything in return, she had already darted back to the door, and yelled a cheerful ‘Sleep tight, guys!’ leaving a rather stunned Goro behind.

“Looks like that girl has more to her than she lets on, huh?”

Goro turned around to Ren, wearing a shy smile on his lips before he let out a yawn. “Dang, look at the time- if we don’t hurry and go to sleep now, I don’t know how either of us is gonna handle your alarm going off tomorrow.”

Ren turned around, motioning Goro he was going upstairs to change- and there were a million things laying on the tip of the brunet’s tongue- things like ‘I like you’ ‘Today only went to smoothly because of you’ ‘You made me more attached to you than I first believed’ but one thought resonated even stronger than others.

He tugged on Ren’s shirt, yanking him back and- putting all his feelings into one kiss, a kiss that had nothing sexual or arousing to it-

_Thank you._

Goro hoped that one day, he could say those words out loud. For now, Ren hugged him back, a smile on his lips. “Nothing to it”, he mumbled, as if he read Goro’s thoughts- and Goro was more than sure that he hadn’t accidentally said his thoughts out loud again.

Ren kissed him back rather fervently before prying the two of them off again. “Look, we really – should go change. I know you have a long day ahead tomorrow, and so do I- but I’ll be back before you’re here, mmkay?”

His last words were drowned in another kiss, and laughter spilled forth his lips. “Hey, I didn’t know you’d turn into such an affectionate person all of a sudden. Not that I’m complaining.”

Akira might be the sun and shine brightly, but Goro was a kin of the night- though often enough, the darkness was not his friend, but tried to swallow him whole. Goro had been on the run for so long he forgot that there could be comfort in the darkness- in the shine of the moon, gently replacing the ray of sunshine he could possibly burn in. The moon could guide him, or spend him comfort and solace where the sun could never attempt. With his broken wings, he wasn’t at risk to burn- only to fall, but to conquer that fear was another thing altogether.

To Goro, Ren was the moon.

When they fell into bed together, his cheeks were burning from the amount of intimacy they’d shown off in front of the others over and over again- yet when Ren threw his arms around him, Goro didn’t fight back- instead sinking into touch with sigh and a promise on his lips.

_I don’t know how I could be your strength, but I’ll do my damn best to deliver._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy. Boy if I tried talking about how I feel about all of this I'd end up exploding.  
> After all this, Goro realizes things probably weren't all that bad with Akira. He was the one who truly taught him what unconditional love meant- and even if a part of Goro's mind will forever see it as a lie, he learned. He learned how to express his feelings, how not to give up what you like and what you want- and while he really does resent Akira for his actions, I hope that by the end it was made clear that he wanted to give him a chance as a friend again. Because after all...even a fool needs both the sun and the moon, right?;)
> 
> And I mean...Goro isn't all that innocent in all of this. He knew he could end up hurting Akira with his actions, too, but he wasn't able to detach himself BY WHICH I MEAN CAN YOU BLAME HIM THO- that was Akira's fault again. It's very complex, this whole thing between them- so I hope I was able to express even a lil of that in this chapter and the dialogue and the thoughts Goro keeps to himself (and doesn't lol).  
> Things are bad, things are good, things are complex- but such is the human nature. In the end, the question is not who's at fault and who caused what and all that- the question is how you handle the aftermath, and how you want to handle things in general. Goro didn't want things to end up in hate and revenge- but of course he had to give in to the feeling when his emotions exploded.  
> Hopefully that didn't taint his real intent by the end, however. Because Goro's "You're a fool to want to be friends again" is his awkward way of saying: Okay, let's try. Not as lovers, but in the way things should have been like from the beginning. Something like 'forgiveness' isn't anything he'd been taught in life, so it's very difficult to suddenly adapt to the feeling, and he ends up fumbling with his own words. But he's growing, and I mean...That's something good, too. He can't switch all that quickly, tho, which is why the scene has this really subtle sentence (as seen above) on how Goro expresses his feelings.  
> And then, there's Akira himself. Well, to be honest, I feel really conflicted about him. The things he confessed to were the truth, so safe to say he really does love Goro. But still, in a way...he's still really obsessed with him, and obsession in love is something that requires delicate balance. At the beginning of their relationship, maybe Akira actually saw Goro more as someone to obsess over, and not as a real person- but he still likes our lil detective and always has! And now he's grown to see Goro more, but I guess for someone like him, who was pursuing Goro for such a long time, it's still difficult to see Goro in his entirety.  
> Akira is very disappointed that Goro doesn't want him as a lover, and he has real difficulties growing adjusted to the idea.  
> My brain was a fuzzy mush when I edited this, so hopefully I didn't end up adding more mistakes instead of erasing them lol...Will check back later.  
> Safe to say that the journey of Goro and Akira as lovers is over- but as such, opens up many more paths, like for Goro and Ren...and we still have a lot to discover and find out lmao  
> Stay safe, everyone! ;)


	35. Is it in the Fool's nature to keep fighting for life? Even against a friendly darkness? He must see to it himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: The boyz begin to work things out.

Ren was nervous.

He was never one to lose his composure too quickly, which is why it was so easy for Goro to discern how nervous and jittery he was. It was an odd sight- but then again, Akira was supposed to drop by in a few hours, and in order to support his…boyfriend, Goro had taken a day off by shoving some of his workload on Sae- promising he’d take over for her one day in turn.

She’d accepted without much protest- which was very odd to Goro- but he didn’t have the luxury to question that.

The week had been a mix of awkward and pleasant surprises. Akira and Ann were behaving as normal as ever, though their smiles seemed a bit gentler than before. Akira had even offered to board the same trains again, but Goro hesitated and said he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea happening quite so fast.

During the week, he took Ann into Leblanc and treated her Ren’s homemade sweets- which she at first was skeptical of before she devoured them in less than a minute- and made an effort to get to know Ren better. She was a bit shocked to hear about his past sexual encounters, but he promised Ann he wasn’t even thinking of going around cheating on ‘the most and first adorable boyfriend’ he’d ever had.

She seemed satisfied by that, although Goro questioned the fact whether he really was Ren’s first boyfriend- and he was surprised to find out that yes, Ren had never entered a proper relationship before, since all his sexual encounters remained as one night stands.

He felt oddly filled with glee.

Ann also fidgeted around nervously when he came to ask her about her odd comment the night before- with criminals living to see the day- and she said she’d explain as soon as Ryuji got his stupid ass up and talked to Goro again, since this was closely related to him as well. Goro found this peculiar- but he didn’t say anything, leaving her be.

Another day, Yusuke dropped by and he and Ren engaged in some discussion Goro was way too tired to follow. It became a habit for Yusuke to drop by and draw in Leblanc, or sketch some of the customers- only after Ren had asked whether they were okay with it- so he engaged with Goro and Ren often, even meeting Sojiro one day. When Yusuke came by a few days later and asked if they could hang up the ‘Sayuri’ in Leblanc- Sojiro was luckily there as well- Goro felt an odd warmth whenever he gazed upon the painting hung in the corner of the café.

“I think it fits beautifully”, Yusuke had whispered, and Ren and Goro agreed.

Despite some things progressing smoothly, Ryuji and Makoto remained quiet. Haru had tried reaching out to the detective a few times, complimenting Leblanc’s coffee, but Goro didn’t really have it in him to engage with her. When he explained Ren why, the barista only laughed and told him not to force himself to any friendships he didn’t feel like forging.

Funnily, Goro got a bit closer to Sumire- she still seemed very airheaded to Goro, but she was also very keen and friendly. Neither Goro nor Ren felt like discerning more of their past with her, however, and she seemed to pick up on that. She instead told them about Kichijoji- how she went there to buy glasses, picking out a present for her father.

Later, when they were alone again, Goro confessed he had a favorite ‘go-to’ place in the area, and sheepishly asked if Ren wanted to come along.

“Is it a date?”

“We’re already dating, Ren, as far as I’m aware.”

“Yeah, but are you taking me out on a date?”

“…Possibly.”

Ren grinned. “Yes! Then I’d love to come along!”

Goro wanted nothing more than to go there right this instant, but since his schedule was packed, he promised to go there with Ren as soon as possible.

Though, with one of his days being cleared up for Akira’s impeding visit, the date seemed to be far off into the future for now.

“Ren, this is the fourth coffee you created and sipped from only to trash it again. Why are you wasting valuable resources?” “I’m not wasting anything. I just, uuuh. This doesn’t taste good?”

“I tasted one of them, and it was perfectly fine.” “That’s because you’re my boyfriend- you wouldn’t even suggest anything otherwise.” “Oh? Since when have I ever lied about the taste of your meals and drinks?”

Ren clicked his tongue. “Fine, you got me.” With a sigh, he dropped himself into the booth next to Goro- the very same one they had been sitting in when Akira had first come here.

“I’m just…nervous.”

Goro snorted. “Why yes, you don’t say.” “Hey, don’t tease me! Cut me some slack. I know we talked before, but…Urgh, I don’t know. I guess I’m still nervous. I mean…it’s been five years. That’s…people get their degrees in the span of five years. And I didn’t even graduate from school.” “You know that was out of your control, Ren.”

“Yeah, but…what if he thinks I’m a loser? I don’t have anything to offer, after all. Just- me and my pathetic self.”

_You have everything to offer._

_Too much, I daresay._

The detective was still terrible at comfort, but he remembered how Ren would cheer him up with a single touch. Maybe he could attempt and copy his behavior to help Ren as well?

He carefully grabbed Ren’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Well…whatever happens…” _I’m here._

Urgh, no, he couldn’t say that- his voice choked up and he couldn’t talk, too embarrassed by the lone thought of uttering such nonsense. Except that it wasn’t nonsense- it was the truth.

Luckily, Ren picked up on what he was trying to say, his expression morphing into a look of pure adoration. “Goro, you’re a real softie underneath all that tough behavior, aren’t you?” “Wh- stop sputtering nonsense and get back to work!” “You just literally told me not to. Besides, we flipped the sign to closed a few minutes ago so there would be no customer influx when Akira drops by. Remember?”

Instead of replying, Goro flushed an embarrassed red, tightening his grip on Ren’s hand.

The latter grinned mischievously, drawing Goro’s hand towards his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it. It sent a shiver down Goro’s spine- and he wondered, not for the first time in the last few days, how it would feel to have those lips hover _anywhere_ else besides his face, neck and hands- but he wasn’t about to reveal his lascivious thoughts to the most biggest tease on earth.

At least, not yet. Not until both of their emotional baggage had been unloaded and packed away for sure.

Ren didn’t stop fidgeting in his seat, despite Goro’s (ultimately failing) attempts at comforting him. Instead, it felt more like Ren was hoping to comfort Goro- which wasn’t the point at all.

When the door cheerfully chimed, Goro saw Ren tense out of the corner of his eyes. The raven forced a wry smile onto his face when Akira approached the couple in the booth- and Goro hated how fake and forced the smile seemed.

Akira picked up on that rather quickly as well. “You know, that smile of yours seems really fake. Better stop forcing that onto your face. Looks horrible.”

Ren’s face fell into a scowl, while his elder brother only laughed, falling easily onto the seat opposite them. “Hey Akechi. Good to see you.”

“We just saw each other a few hours ago at university?”

“It’s still always a joy to see you.”

“Don’t flirt with my boyfriend!” Ren interrupted.

Akira didn’t stop grinning. “Never seen you so possessive, Ren. Usually, you never said anything if I took things from you.” “Because it rarely ever happened? And I didn’t…need that stuff, anyway.”

“But you need Akechi.” It wasn’t a question.

Ren squeezed Goro’s hand, pulling him closer. “What’s the big deal? Also, I don’t like your phrasing…I suppose it’s more like…We chose each other? So now I’m not letting go.”

Oh dear.

Just when Goro became afraid of the rather hostile atmosphere, Akira chuckled. “Sorry. I’m still a bit salty about this whole, uh, thing- but I’m also genuinely happy you found someone, Ren. I still need to grow used to this, but…This wasn’t what today was about, was it. Gee, I suck at this stuff.”

“The two of you have been separated for five years- alongside other issues mingling in. It’s no wonder you’re awkward with each other”, Goro threw in, with more confidence than he was actually feeling. It earned him a grateful smile from Akira.

“Sooo…” Akira fiddled with his hands. “I suppose you know more about my life than I do about yours, Ren. Honestly, I freaked out a little when you told me you were stalking on me- I was trying _not_ to use my phone these days and instead use my friends’, but then I realized you were listening in on them, too. It’s- well, I was really angry at you for invading my privacy like that, actually. Still am- but…I promised myself not to let my feelings get the better of me. Besides…how did you even do that? Did you pick up some sort of IT related course?”

Ren quietly explained, and emphasized the fact that he dropped the whole stalker behavior a month after Goro came to live with Akira.

“Did you stop because-“ “Yeah, fuck, I was jealous, fine- next question, please.”

Ren seemed like he was suffering, and Goro felt helpless- how was he supposed to spend comfort to Ren? And, more importantly- why was he not talking about the more important things yet, such as the monetary issue, or his jail record? If he wanted to free himself of the shackles of his past, he had to come clean _now-_ he might not be on the death row like Goro, but he’d already lost five years.

Goro knew how badly Ren wanted to rebuild a proper relationship with Akira. But he wouldn’t be able to do that if he continued the way he was now.

“Uh. Okay. So this…Futaba girl? Who’s she?” Akira asked on.

“She’s the boss’s daughter. She came to grow on me like a sister.” Ren told Akira more about the ginger-haired girl, and a small smile played on his lips when he recalled anecdotes.

Goro, however, wasn’t amused. Time was precious- and somehow, Ren wasn’t getting a move on.

“As I’m sure that Futaba and your shared life are quite the interesting subject, I’m also afraid time is limited, Ren. Shouldn’t you begin talking about what’s happened in the last five years?” Goro was afraid he’d anger Ren with how forward he was being- but he was also not about to back down without a fight.

_You made me talk, now it’s your turn._

Ren, however, still skitted around the actual themes. Instead, he told Akira he was juggling five different side jobs, and Akira listened with rapid interest- Goro, however, was growing tired of this shit.

“Ren, how about you talk about your- case file. Academic life. How you came to _be_ here. And why on _earth_ you’re still working at five jobs when you don’t even have to pay rent or buy a lot of groceries.”

His twin perked up at that. “Yeah, I- if you don’t mind sharing, I’d…really like to know. See, our parents never told me anything- I was barely able to press out any information on you except that you were living in this café- isn’t the attic a bit…shabby to live in, anyway?”

Ren looked conflicted. “Honestly, there isn’t much to-“

Goro stomped down on Ren’s foot, earning him a yowl. Ren whipped his head around, looking angry, but Goro wouldn’t have it. With more bravado than he was feeling, he threw back a glare.

“Stop being so pathetic and get onto it. I won’t let you run away from this, and honestly, you’ve been dancing around the topic for too long now. We both know you have to tell him, Ren.” “What the fuck- Goro! I didn’t force you to talk, either, how about you let me-“

“This and that are sort of different, Ren. Besides, I’m pretty sure I confessed about, what, almost ninety percent of my life story? And you haven’t even hinted at the complicated decisions you were forced to make in your life. Stop. Just get _on_ with it.”

Both boys were glaring at each other, despite their hands still intertwined- and Akira was mildly concerned, but the things Goro was hinting at were exactly what was burning on the top of Akira’s tongue.

So, despite being worried when more and more banter flew back and forth between Goro and Ren, he held his mouth shut.

Answers, closure and reconciliation had been what he originally came for. And…there was a part of Ren’s history that he knew of, after all- but he needed Ren to open up about it before he would confess to this knowledge.

But somehow, the banter between Goro and Ren grew louder and louder until Akira was more than just a little concerned- and he knew nothing good would happen when Goro furiously turned around, spitting out: “Did you know he’s the one paying you a generous amount of money? Not your parents?” before Ren yelled loudly, hoping to interject him.

Akira wasn’t sure how to take that. “What…do you mean by that?” The gears in his heads were churning now- but he wasn’t sure what to make of them.

“Goro, you can’t just _say_ that, what the hell?!” “It’s never been right to hide that fact, Ren- and it’s fucked up you made him assume it was your parent’s money in the first place. Maybe he doesn’t want your charity, have you thought about that? Besides- if you want to free yourself from your past and the fact that you’ve been _living_ like a hollow corpse with the sole purpose of providing for your brother- you need to stop this shit you’re pulling!”

“That’s not for you to decide!”

Goro was indignant.

When he stood up, Akira knew things were going south fast.

“Let me out.” He glared at Ren, who stared back defiantly.

“What? What’s up now?”

“If you wanna sort out your shit by yourself”, the detective spat out, “Then- go ahead. Do it. I’ll leave- and I won’t come back until you’ve got this right. I’m not about to sit here and- watch you run away from confessing the truth and its consequences- you made me do it. Now it’s your turn. And if you don’t understand that, well.” Goro crossed his arms.

“I’m _not_ running from the truth! I told you I need more time!” “You’ve spent an _hour and a half_ talking about unnecessary things. When do you want to get down to the cold, hard truth? That you were forced to drop school? Never graduated? What are you afraid of? That Akira will think you’re a loser?”

Ren’s face was red with anger now- and Akira was afraid him intervening between the two of them would only worsen things, so he watched with growing horror as the fight went on.

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, Detective?! Well, reading people’s _feelings_ isn’t your strong side, I guess! Read the mood, asshole!”

Goro’s face went stony, and he lowered his voice. “You were the one who insisted I help you out, despite the fact that I _warned_ you I wasn’t capable- of. This. And you’re stupid for not laying the facts down already, Ren. Now let me out- I need to go get some fresh air.”

“Yeah, maybe some fresh air will help you clear out your extreme insensitivity, Goro!”

“Possibly. Probably not. Now move.”

“Fine! Whatever!”

The door shut with a loud bang, and suddenly, only two boys were left in the café- one looking extremely miserable, and the other-

Well, if there was a time to churn out the whole story of his little brother for real, it was now.

Akira wasn’t about to let Goro’s help go to waste.

***

Goro didn’t really know where to go.

As the anger left his veins, he realized with mild horror that he had forgotten his purse upstairs in the attic, and not left it in the pocket of his trench coat. He couldn’t afford to visit a restaurant or a bar, or spend the night in a sketchy Motel in case Ren didn’t get his shit together.

Because it was necessary. It was. And, unlike Goro, who hid the fact that he was an actual criminal- Ren had never done anything that would brand him a real criminal like Goro- so he shouldn’t be afraid of anything. The worst thing, the stalking matter- it was out already, anyway.

The detective hadn’t ever been an expert on the subject of feelings, however, and while he wasn’t doubting the fact that what he’d just yelled at Ren in the café had been right, he was also…afraid he’d stepped too far. He remembered how Ren had thrown him out- the painful feeling of being abandoned was still fresh and hurting- and who said Ren wouldn’t do it again if he grew sick of Goro’s antics?

Goro had never riled him up like tonight. Maybe he’d grow sick of him now and realize Goro was too much of a mess than to actually commit to a relationship. A part of Goro yelled at him that he was just giving into his fears, and that Ren loved him unconditionally, while the much louder, much more traumatized part of his brain told him maybe it’d be better if Ren came to the realization himself and put an end to them more quickly.

The shining detective was nothing but miserable, hanging his head and slumping his shoulders. He was glad it was nighttime- no one was around. Apparently, he’d walked all the way to Inokashira Park- and somehow managed to lead himself to the playground.

With a sigh, he sat down on one of the old swings, the construction creaking under his weight. It was the only sound in the otherwise silent night- despite the swirl of loud and messy thoughts yelling at one another in Goro’s head.

Goro grew tired of all the thinking and musing, and slowly dragged his feet along the ground- rocking himself back and forth. There was something comforting in it- like the feeling of being cradled in your mother’s arms and sung to sleep as she swung you back and forth- but then Goro’s brain caught up and strongly reminded him of the fact that he couldn’t possibly remember such a thing.

Such a memory would account to something akin to familial love- and Goro didn’t know what that was like, after all. He tried remembering- how much did he share with his mother before she had ended her life? He knew bits and pieces of what she’d told Goro on her bad days- the things he confessed Ren to during his moment of drug intoxication. But then, hadn’t she still tried caring for him? After all, he was always brought to the bathhouse when she brought clients over. Would someone who didn’t give a shit about him do that? Instead of making him watch as she-

Goro felt nauseous.

No, he wouldn’t think about that.

Besides, he was never old enough to ask his mother what she thought of her job, anyway. Maybe she didn’t dislike it as much as Goro’s fantasies made him think- such a job wasn’t exactly uncommon in big cities like Tokyo. And, besides- Goro lived in the red light district. Or had lived, after all- maybe he’d been chasing the feeling of back what he’d felt like when he still had a home.

What did she sound like? Goro remembered she had brown, long hair- similar to his. He didn’t remember much else, though. Everything else was shimmy and mixed with memories from other foster homes where people were much less welcoming.

But there was something odd about his memory. He didn’t want to recall, but he did vividly remember the day he came back home and she’d left her earthly shell. But…why had the cops come by? How had they even known she was dead? Had she called them before she committed suicide? Because Goro sure as hell hadn’t. And he doubted the neighbors had realized what had happened, either- there was no trace of blood, so her method of dying was probably something related to an overdose of sleeping pills or-

He sighed. There was no use thinking about this. Why was he even thinking of this in the first place? Had the sight of the twins triggered the topic of familial love? Did he crave to have someone he could make up with, move closer to- someone who had been bonded to care for him, biologically speaking?

Possibly.

But he also heard the other, irrational and mean part of his brain that whispered he shouldn’t have helped Ren and Akira talk- because then, Ren would realize gaining his brother back would be a much better deal than having to take care of a mess like Goro on the sideline. Mending so many relationships at once was tiring, after all.

Goro was disgusted with himself for thinking like that. So? Even if Ren did end up thinking that way- it wasn’t like Goro wouldn’t understand.

The brunet decided rocking on on the swing was a bad decision.

His feet stopped, and he was staring at the dark silhouette of his shoes on the ground. It was covered in sand, and thanks to Goro’s back-and-forths, he’d left trails and patterns.

He drew a smiley face with his feet, just so he could destroy it and mess it up- it was too dark too properly judge if the smiley was drawn properly or not, anyway.

Then he drew a smiley face with its mouth turned upside down, and destroyed it again- that one didn’t fit right with him either.

Then, _Fuck, am I a toddler or what,_ he drew a circle- resembling a heart- and drew a ‘G’ and an ‘R’ next to each other.

When he covered his face in embarrassment, he swore to himself never to tell anyone about this- adding many more ‘R’s, as if imitating the sound of a growling dog.

Maybe that was a good way to describe their relationship. Safe if approached from a distance, but dangerous if you came too close- though, the question did beg whether the dog was all bark and no bite or not.

The brunet decided he hated playgrounds.

Though he didn’t leave the swing.

Or erased the circle for that matter.

How come he was blushing even though Ren wasn’t even _there_ to make him blush?

Insufferable human being, really.

Now he could even hear his voice calling his name.

Frantically.

“Goro!”

With a start, Goro realized he hadn’t imagined the voice- a dark, tall figure was running towards him, occasionally shone on by the dark lanterns covering the way.

Ren looked as messy as ever when he finally came to a halt in front of him, breathing heavily and supporting himself by pressing his hands flat against his knees- before he collapsed into the sand uncaringly, running a hand through his hair. He tilted his head up- Goro wished he’d been able to discern the look on his face more properly, but he supposed the concern in his face was obvious.

The moon shone brightly, yet it was too weak and too far than to illuminate the area around Goro and Ren- though Goro was sure Ren had collapsed right by his feet.

“Good evening.”

“Goro.”

Ren rested his cheek against Goro’s knee, tilting his head up.

“Sorry.”

He was still breathing heavily, and his arms clung onto Goro’s legs like a drowning man on a raft. “I’m sorry. That was- incredibly stupid of me. And you were right- you’re totally right. I was a coward for not realizing it sooner.”

“You’re rambling.”

“I know! I just- hah- hold on for a second.”

Goro quirked an eyebrow in the dark. “Did you run all the way here from Leblanc? Traced my location with Futaba’s help?”

He felt Ren’s cheek rubbing on his knee as he nodded.

“So what happened to Akira?”

“I-…told him everything. I swear I didn’t leave a detail out- I think I was too panicked for that, anyway. When you left, I felt this urge to run after you as fast as I could- but I also know how angry you’d be if I did so before clearing things up. Hey, so my brother punched me in the gut as ‘payback’ for the stalking thing and the money stuff. He didn’t punch me in the face because, and I quote: ‘Akechi said that’s one of the things he likes about you, so I won’t ruin what he likes’. Did you- really say that?”

Goro distantly remembered being asked something like that during lunch the past days.

“I guess.”

He felt Ren snicker. “I was really happy to hear that, you know? And…let me say this properly again. Thanks for kicking my stubborn butt there- I needed that. I’m really, really sorry for being an insensitive piece of shit and just- well. I apologize for the stuff I threw at you, really.”

Goro didn’t really know what to say to that, so he remained quiet until Ren huffed.

“Do you…accept the apology?”

_But wasn’t I the one who pushed too fast and too far this time? Funny how everything is reversed with you, Ren._

“Do I have another choice?”

“You always do, Goro. Especially when it comes to me.”

Despite the darkness, he could feel Ren’s gaze piercing into his heart.

“I’ll consider accepting it if you make it up by making more pancakes.” “But you know too many sweets are bad for your health.” “Are you refusing my request to indulge myself?” “No! Noooo.” “Then you know what to say.” “Alright, alright”, he heard the barista’s laughter. “I accept.”

“And Goro?”

“Hm?”

“I think you’re the first man to have me between your legs on a playground. Are you into receiving a blowjob here?”

Goro kicked him in the gut, and the laughter spluttering forth from Ren’s lips mixed with his pained gasps.

“Alright, alright-haaah- bad joke?”

“Way out of line.”

Ren rose up, a smile on his lips as he offered Goro a hand- gracefully pulling him up and into his embrace.

“I’m so thankful for your help, Goro. No sarcasm intended, really. And…I thank you for choosing me, once again.”

“Choosing?”

“As in, your boyfriend. Your…well, partner in crime- everything. And for forgiving me for being dumb.”

The moon had somehow brightened, and the shine of its cold, white shimmer illuminated Ren’s face. Goro’s breath hitched at the soft affection written plainly in his onyx eyes, unafraid whether the world would judge or not.

The brunet couldn’t stand the sight- something burst in his chest and left him feeling vulnerable- so he buried his face instead like so many other times, mumbling against the fabric of Ren’s shirt. The idiot hadn’t even thrown on a proper mantle, just a thin jacket.

“Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“I _said,_ stop putting yourself down so badly. You acted irrational and dumb, yes, but since you realized- don’t insult yourself much further than that. I don’t like it.”

“You like my overcocky confident stance, huh?”

“More than having to listen to you put yourself down.”

“Okay.”

Their lips met in a soft entanglement of adoration and forgiveness, erasing any fears subsiding in the other’s mind. It was, plainly, a dance of love- yet neither of them were courageous enough to put the label on it yet.

“Let’s go home. Then you can tell me all about what you were brooding around here- because my ‘Goro thinking’ detector rung out pretty hard.”

“There’s no such thing”, Goro retorted, though his eyes watered a little when Ren said ‘Home’.

_Home._

_That’s something I’ll have to grow used to hearing._

“You better get used to me calling Leblanc home when you go drawing our names into a heart.”

Goro sputtered, his face growing red rapidly fast. “I- didn’t! This was here when I came! And you see the ‘R’s added to the name- someone must have drawn that to imitate the sound of a growling dog!”

“Wait, you really did that? I was teasing you- I didn’t see anything. Oh fuck, Goro, I need to take a picture of that, show me, show me-”

Goro _dragged_ a whiney and crying Ren back to Leblanc, while the moon shimmered on onto the spot where the two lovers had reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goro???? Uhhh??? You could have...been a little more patient, maybe? It wasn't really nice of him to blow up on Ren like that and spill the beans before the guy was ready to talk himself, but...I mean, he did regret doing it a little. And Ren needed a kick in the ass, too. Goro just wasn't able to formulate an apology yet, because that, too, is something Goro still has to learn. Baby steps, though! And he managed to grow more supportive in this chapter, so hey- at least something, right?
> 
> AND THE PARK. THE PARK SCENE HAS SUCH A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART I hope it managed to capture your heart just a lil. Also, in case you remember the lunchbox, reoccuring things and themes are a thing, sooo....;))))
> 
> Hope you liked!


	36. Rewind; Sun and Moon are irrefutable, both to each other, both to the world; and yet still, they crash and burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We continue to wrap things up from last chapter onwards! I hope it's fine we blurred Ren and Akira's conversation, by the way- there wouldn't be any new insights in their talk, and I felt like writing it would have dragged the story a little, and there's enough the story still needs to unwrap on its own, anyway. We'll obviously continue to see both Ren and Akira for the entirety of this fic. Enjoy!

The detective was surprised, when, upon entering Leblanc, a ginger haired girl sprang into his vision, as well as Ren’s twin sitting beside her- they were engaging in a quiet conversation, Futaba’s eyes fluttering back between here and there, her fingers committed to some sort of weird acrobatics- but she was talking nevertheless.

They both halted when they say the newcomers, Akira smiling wryly.

Goro was frozen on the spot.

Shit.

Futaba was here. He was reminded of the fact that he’d admitted to aiding murder- her _mother’s murder-_ in the bugged section of Leblanc. Fuck, he wasn’t ready for this, no way- he couldn’t talk to her-

Ren laid a soothing hand around his waist, whispering in his ear. “I made her swear she deleted that file of us from back then- bribed her with buying her a limited anime figurine. Don’t worry- I doubt she knows. I told her we had some passionate love confessions and made out rather noisily. And even if she did listen, I’d stop her from talking about that right here and now- it’s been a tiring day. Don’t worry, Goro. I won’t expose you like that. We’re partners in crime, even if you did blow my cover in front of Akira. That was needed, after all.”

He pressed a few kisses on Goro’s helix before trailing down, only stopping when Futaba started yelling: “Stop, stop, ew, keep it to yourself!” and Akira looking equally as embarrassed.

Or maybe jealous, Goro didn’t really know.

Ren didn’t stop until Goro made him, though.

“I was under the assumption you’ve gone home already, Akira”, Goro muttered, miffed at the lack of privacy.

Akira merely smiled. “Yeah, but I was the one who kept him from gunning after you- so I felt a little guilty and wanted to apologize for that. Besides…there was one more thing I needed to get out, but I wanted the both of you here for that.”

Ren, who had been yawning, furrowed his brows. “Huh? I didn’t hear about that. What’s this about?”

Akira threw a glance towards Futaba- and she immediately understood. “Yeouch, fine. I’ll leave- but someone has to walk me back, or else Sojiro’s gonna have your head, Renren.” “Oh, I know. I’m aware. Goro, wanna tag along?”

Goro shook his head. “I’ve caught enough fresh air for tonight. I’ll stay here and chat with your brother until you come back.” “It’ll only be like, a five minute walk. I’ll be back soon.”

He smooched Goro’s cheeks affectionately, throwing a glance at his brother with the warning not to flirt with his boyfriend in his absence, and he and Futaba quickly left.

Akira was playing with an empty cup.

“Akechi?”

“Yes?”

“Are you…happy with my brother?”

Goro crinkled his forehead. “Why the sudden question?”

Akira merely shrugged, smiling nonchalantly. “Just curious. Hurts to see you with someone else, but- in the end, your happiness matters. So I was just- confirming. Don’t worry, I won’t blabber to anyone about this.”

Goro was surprised about his honesty as he nodded.

He could see the glimpse of pain in Akira’s eyes flashing up again, even as the raven tried to cover it up with a wide smile.

“That’s great.”

Goro was still thinking of what to say when the door- barely ten minutes had passed- flew open and Ren burst in again. He crushed Goro in a hug.

“Stop being a sap.” Was what he said, yet his arms sneaked around Ren in reflex.

“Never.”

Goro yawned, reminding all of them of the time- long after midnight.

Akira got up. “Right, maybe we should…talk about this later.”

Ren furrowed his brows. “If it was that important for you to stay here and wait until I went to find Goro- we can at least hear you out, don’t you think?”

His twin hesitated, even as Goro agreed.

“The girl- from your second assault…Actually, I-“

Akira cut himself off, shaking his head. “No, you know what- let’s talk about this later. It’s been a long night already.” He whipped up a smile. “I want you to rest well tonight. Morgana’s picking me up in a few minutes since the trains have stopped running, and this isn’t a matter of a few minutes, anyway.”

He walked up to Goro, a fond look in his eyes. “Take care of my brother for me, will you? He’s a bit more than just reckless and dumb, but I think you could act well as his control mechanism.”

Ren squawked in protest, and Goro had an amused smile on his lips as he replied: “Well, I sincerely doubt anyone can put a stop to your brother if he sets his sights on something. But I suppose…”

Goro’s gaze wandered over to the man on his side, who had just ran an entire thirty minute walk to find Goro and drag him back. He seemed tired, but there was relief in his eyes every time he could reassure himself Goro was _actually_ by his side again- at least, that’s what it looked like to the brunet.

“I suppose I could try.”

The smile on Ren’s face was quiet, small- and yet, Goro felt captivated by it.

Akira watched their non-communicative exchange with raised brows, before he also let out a yawn. “Okay. Great to have that out of the way. Sorry that he behaved like such a dick earlier on- I didn’t want to intervene lest I made things worse.”

_Or maybe you wanted things to get worse…_

Ren’s hand wrapped its way around Goro’s wrist, reaching for his hand and clasping their fingers firmly together. Goro merely shrugged at the apology, wondering why Akira was trying to take responsibility for something that didn’t concern him. “I suppose I also have to grow used to Ren’s impulsiveness if I want to keep up with him.”

“Guys, I’m still here.”

“Well, it’s late- I better head out for now.” Akira stretched his arms, making his way towards the door.

“Oh- and, Akechi?”

“Yes?”

There was a sudden press of lips on his cheek- familiar, and yet unknown- and only belatedly, Goro realized Ren was hissing, his entire body growing tense like an arrow ready to be fired.

Akira was grinning mischievously. “Thanks for putting my idiot brother in his place. Also, this is payback for a lot of things. See you!”

With that, he sprinted out of the door, laughter spilling forth his lips, and Ren cursed, throwing insult after insult after him. Ren was so agitated by the kiss, he refused to fall asleep until he’d kissed Goro’s cheek a million times over and over- much to the detective’s dismay- and peppered his neck in cherry kisses, leaving bite marks here and there. The anger even clouded his mind so much, he didn’t end up inquiring after Goro’s thoughts on the swing, and somehow, Goro was oddly glad for that.

Goro let Ren indulge himself for once- if only because he thought the barista deserved a treat after finally confronting his brother.

Also because he really didn’t want the feel of Akira’s lips to linger on his cheek.

And, fine, because he liked how possessive Ren got about him.

“I don’t like it when he touches you…” Ren murmured, lying atop of the detective, kissing his way up from the line of Goro’s neck towards his jawline.

“Really? Could have fooled me”, Goro mocked, a little breathless from the relentless attack of kisses on his skin.

“Stop teasing me”, Ren bit Goro’s earlobe in retaliation, making the latter gasp and shudder at the same time- it was strange, the sensations Ren could cause in his body- the reactions were so foreign to Goro himself, and yet…

It was childish, but he found the jealously Ren felt towards his brother oddly adorable.

“How far did you go, Goro?”

“Hm?” Goro was blissfully reveling in the feeling of Ren pressing butterfly kisses all around his lips that he didn’t register the question at first. Then, Ren shifted a bit, lifting his head up so Goro could view him properly.

There was a simmering anger lying underneath the sheer want in Ren’s eyes, so much it took Goro’s breath away.

Okay, so maybe he had some sort of kink for the angry side of Ren. _Maybe._

_I wonder what he’d do if I spiced the truth up a little._

Goro knew it was wrong to make use of Ren’s anger right now- but the odd possessive kisses plastered around his face and neck sent him in a sort of intoxicated state. That, paired with the fact he begun to like the jealous, childish, possessive side of Ren- well.

He promised himself to tell Ren the truth afterwards- and normally, be scared of the consequences, be afraid of disappointment and anger.

But he’d never felt so _wanted_ by Ren- he told himself no harm would be done if he lied a little and indulged in the feeling a bit stronger.

“I let him- jack us off.”

Ren stopped in his move to press yet another devouring kiss to Goro’s throat, his onyx eyes searching Goro’s gaze and interlocking them in a spell.

“How many times?”

_Not even once. I kicked him off the bed because his love declaration threw me off and it disturbed me that he destroyed my fantasy of you jacking me off._

“I don’t- remember? Heck, Ren, we were a couple. That sort of thing was normal, I suppose.”

Ren clicked his tongue, letting his head fall against Goro’s chest. “Sorry. I know I’m being an idiot- it’s pretty hypocritical of me to get so worked up about this when I’ve been the one sleeping around with a number of people in the past.” “Correct.”

Goro ran his hand through the thick, messy mop of hair. He felt Ren grumble against his chest.

“But that’s not the reason you were asking, correct? What prompted you to ask?”

“I’m just jealous. And it’s stupid. And unreasonable.”

“You’ve said that already.”

Funny how the situation was such a role reversal from their usual set-ups. Now Goro was the one drawing out Ren’s feelings- though he wasn’t used to this, there was an insatiable curiosity tugging at his mind wanting to force Ren to spill his feelings out.

“I get possessive over you. I don’t wanna share you- well, when it comes to the boyfriend business, at least. Because…I know you open up to other people these days- which is very good!…But I’m…sort of afraid not to be special anymore. And, if I’m not even able to highlight my role as a boyfriend-would you even see any merit in staying by my side? It’s dumb, I know. But I just…I don’t want to give you up to anyone else in the world, Goro. And I’m terrified of you deciding to leave because you found something better out there. _Especially_ if you decided my brother was better after all.”

Throughout the whole spilling-his-insecurity-thing, Ren didn’t lift his face from Goro’s chest at all- making it a little hard for Goro to understand everything Ren said. But he did get the gist of it. Part of him felt elated about the fact that Ren felt a bit possessive over him- because he did as well. The other part of him snorted as he realized Ren felt afraid of losing him, drawing the raven’s attention.

“Are you laughing at me? Well, I suppose it’s understandable…”

“You idiot.” Goro was giggling now, forced to close his eyes as his chest rumbled with laughter.

_Funny how we’re afraid of the same thing._

“No need to find it that funny, you know…”

Goro drew the pouting raven into a kiss.

“I lied.”

“Huh?”

“Look, I…Akira tried jacking me off- once. It was certainly the only time he tried, because he was so considerate of my injuries and all that. Well, it ended when…”

Urgh, now it was Goro’s turn to confess.

He thought it was fair. An equal exchange of feelings. Sort of like a deal? Goro tried finding excuses that would make it easier to confess to his feelings.

Ren had visibly perked up, looking expectantly at Goro.

The brunet told himself to get it together.

“There’s…something I have been hiding. Find it despicable- and miserable, if you want. The point is…when Akira tried initiating sexual activity, he certainly reminded me of who he was much too strongly. I couldn’t- I felt repulsed.”

Under Ren’s intense stare, Goro could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks- adding to the warmth that had lingered in the trails of kisses.

“I couldn’t do it, so I gutted him in the solar plexus and then- off the bed. He didn’t try going further than kissing me and leaving a few marks on my neck after that- fuck if I know what you brothers find in that spot- but…Well, it is pathetic of me to admit, but subconsciously, I’ve always…”

“Always what?”

“I’ve sort of used him as your replacement.”

“You mean like, imagined him as me?”

“Well, any problem with that?! I don’t think I’ve ever-“

Ren cut him off with a kiss, muffling Goro’s words.

“Is that your way of reassuring me, Goro? Or was that…the truth?”

Goro looked away. He was sure his face was going up in flames.

“Both?”

“Stop making me _say_ it!” Goro was getting angry now. However, his indignation evaporated when he was rewarded with a roguish smile and mischievous glinting eyes.

“You really used my brother to meet your ends, didn’t you?”

“I certainly tried. I know it’s very low of me, but-“

Ren muffled his words in another kiss.

“Why are you cutting me off?!”

“You said once you liked my confident self much better than the one who puts himself down. Well, what can I say- I like the confident Goro much more than the one who tells me how wrong and despicable he is, too. I know it makes me sort of fucked up- but I didn’t fall in love with the prim and proper you, after all. I like you just the way you are- so I don’t need you to degrade yourself for the things you did.”

“You realize that makes you all sort of fucked up, don’t you? Besides, weren’t you the one who was willing to sacrifice everything to ensure your brother’s happiness? Shouldn’t you reprimand me for this?”

“Yeah…” Ren caressed Goro’s cheek with a fond look in his eyes. “It would be the right course of action to reprimand you- but I’ve also come to treasure you. So hearing you say this- that you subconsciously always wished for me? I can’t find it in me to hate you for that.”

Goro desperately wanted to hide his face somewhere- if only to flee from the magnetic hold Ren’s gaze had on him.

“Did you lie when you said Akira made you look at him, then?”

Goro shook his head. “I was- angry at you. And my anger grew the more time passed- so it just became some sort of a natural transgression to stop imagining you at some point. I wasn’t lying about how I felt about your brother. But it’s also a lie…if I said my feelings for him had ever been stronger than for you.”

Fuck, those were a lot of confessions for a night. No way in hell would Goro talk further than this- not that there was much more to confess to, actually. He was laying his soul bare for a man he felt strangely attracted to- that he wanted to feel power over, and be dominated in turn as well.

It was all sort of strange to him.

Yet again, when those brilliant eyes glimmered in delight and a kiss was pressed to his lips, he couldn’t find it in him to fight the desire.

_Ren._

_You made me go completely irrational for you, didn’t you?_

“Thanks for cheering me up, Goro. I know that was your clumsy and awkward way of saying you wouldn’t leave my side, wasn’t it?”

Goro scoffed. “Think of it what you will.”

They exchanged more soft kisses, uncaring of the passing time. When they stopped, snuggling close and basking in each other’s warmth, Goro had already closed his eyes and was ready to drift off when Ren posed another question.

“Hey, Goro?”

“Mhhmmm?” Goro’s lips subconsciously found their way to Ren’s collarbone, eliciting a quiet groan.

“You once asked me…whether there was anyone out there who could love you as much as I love my brother, didn’t you?”

Goro was wide awake now. But he didn’t dare to move a single muscle- or breath, for that matter.

“Would you allow me to be the one?”

“What?” Goro hissed.

“I’m asking for permission. I want to be that special someone. Or the first one.”

“We’re- already in a relationship.”

“Yeah, but…that has a different sort of commitment to it than the question entailed, didn’t it? What we’re having now- is love. Between two individuals who just- came to irrevocably like each other too much, despite all the heedy circumstances. I also possess an irredeemable amount of lust for you, for that matter. Sorry about confessing how horny I am for you.” Ren snickered.

Goro didn’t dare to move, still.

“But you’re also on the search for someone who loves you as family, aren’t you? I want to be both. It’s greedy, I know. That’s why I’m asking. I want to be both your family and your lover. I guess…in a way, it’s a selfish wish to bind you to me even stronger, and reassure me that…even if you don’t find it in you to keep loving me anymore, you wouldn’t leave because you still considered me special. But also because I want to fulfill every wish and fill every void you have.”

Goro felt Ren inhale a deep breath.

“I want your happiness. I want _you_ to be happy- and, if you allow me to- have it with me. Greedy, right? But this way, you never have to feel excluded if you see me loitering around with Akira again. So you know you mean as much to me as he does- and even fill up another aspect. Because…you were lonely, weren’t you? When you thought about us making up again. I’ve known you for a bit now- and I know how much you crave irreplaceable bonds.”

“Don’t boyfriends already share an irreplaceable bond?” Goro asked, breathlessly. His heart was pounding madly- he could feel the blood rushing in his ears, filling up the silence in the attic.

_I can’t believe I just said that._

_What is this man doing to me?_

“Yeah, but so does family. And in a way…blood’s not always thicker than water, you know?” Ren murmured into the mop of Goro’s hair, falling chaotically.

“You’re spluttering nonsense at this point.”

“I always splutter nonsense when it comes to you.”

_So do I._

“Fine.”

Goro buried his face in the crook of Ren’s neck.

Ren didn’t question what the ‘fine’ was about- he only hummed contently.

_Shit, I can’t put a name to the feelings I hold for you._

_Fuck, I do._

_Fuck._

Goro fell asleep to the shower of lazy kisses he was engulfed in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> URGHHH. Urgh ew Akira. Akira really. Safe to say I hated what he did; he did it for a reason, but...EUHGUHGDFJ. Ew. Don't ever do that again, please. Can you blame Ren for being angry and jealous? Not like Goro liked being touched like that, either.  
> But Goro. Oh man, Goro. Did you really need to lie your way through- well, at least he came clean again.  
> AND REN; REN MY GOSH STOP BEING PRECIOUS AND RIPPING MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST, GEEZ!
> 
> As always, would be exciting to hear your thoughts! Share them if you like, and read on~


	37. The Fool marches on, guided by the Moon's beats; but The Hierophant cuts through, approaches...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We wrap up some things...but the waters have been quiet for too long. We need some drama to spice things up lmao.

Sooner or later, Goro knew this was going to happen.

He just didn’t realize he could have a choice in negotiating.

Ryuji had walked up to the group consisting of him and Ann- she was currently pressing him on details how the aftermath of Akira’s visit had gone after she’d heard he had kissed Goro- and gruffed out a “We need to talk, bro.”

Frankly, Goro might have become spoiled from the precious way people had treated him these days, but he wasn’t just going to comply that easily. He set up a brilliant smile- TV smile no.15, the ‘Make-all-ages-swoon’- and replied: “Oh, do we? I don’t think I need to do anything, Sakamoto.”

Both blondes winced at the use of the last name, but Ryuji wouldn’t be deterred so easily.

“Look, I didn’t- well, I’m not a brilliant talker. I just thought we should have a word. You could- explain yourself.”

_Yeah, that’s not happening._

Goro had been a little overexerted in expressing his feelings and whatnot these days- he did feel a yearning tinge of his heart to get back together with Ryuji and have him call him ‘bro’ again- but he wasn’t interested in having to go through yet another emotional talk for that. He was sort of exhausted. And the fact that elections were drawing closer stressed him even more. His emotional bulk load was already filled, he didn’t need to add anything to the quota.

Ryuji looked slightly miffed now. “Fine, if you don’t wanna do this in private- we can talk in front of Ann. If you stop being a bitch for a second.”

If it was Ryuji’s goal to piss Goro off, well, he’d certainly succeeded- his smile turned a tad wider, fakeness oozing from every corner.

Ann intervened before Goro could get a word out. “Ryuji, you can’t coerce someone into talking with you. How about you be a bit more sensitive? And don’t call him a bitch. It was _your_ choice to leave that day, remember?”

Ryuji grumbled something incoherent, causing Goro to sigh. “Look, I’m not really interested in-“

“I’m sorry.”

Ryuji’s pompous stance deflated, and he looked a bit lost now- almost as confused as Goro was.

“Look, I- I saw you doing some shit that must’ve hurt my best friend- so my brain kinda went…nuts. I wanted to hit you, but I know that wasn’t the appropriate reaction. I just- it made me so confused! What was it all about?! Nobody wants to tell me unless I talk to you, but I didn’t wanna talk to you since I thought you were being a douche!” 

Before Goro could bite back, Ryuji babbled on. “But then it was also me that reassured you that we’d be friends even without Akira- so I guess that was sort of backstabbing in your eyes. I get it, man. I was in the wrong, but then…you didn’t explain yourself, so I just went ballistic. Makoto wasn’t the best impulse control, either.” “I assume she must’ve talked even worse behind my back. Well, I didn’t expect anything else from her, really.”

Ryuji’s stance dropped. “Well…if you still wanna be friends…hit me up whenever you feel like talking. I can’t just be like Sumire or Haru and pretend nothing happened- but if you talk to me about it, I have no issues just…being back to being bros again. Heck, we haven’t even gone bouldering yet. Well…that’s all I wanted to say. See ya.”

He turned around, trudging away.

***

In the evening, Ren wanted to know what had Goro’s head up in the clouds again. “New case?” “Cases are easy. They usually have one truth, and finding the right conclusions might be difficult, but…in the end, it comes down to how dedicated you are with research. It pays off.”

“So this isn’t about a case.” Ren was smiling.

“It’s…”

Goro fought against the quivering part of his personality that feared talking about his problems.

With Ren, he had a little help battling those demons away- and Ren always succeeded in prying him open, anyway.

***

The next evening, Ryuji dropped by Leblanc on Goro’s invite.

He left late in the night, after a round of StarnightForneus on Ren’s console, and a promise to go bouldering together.

***

“You said you liked to boulder?” Ren picked up, as they laid down on the creaky bed together, huddling for warmth they didn’t actually need.

“Mhm. Been a while since I went. But I did visit frequently in the past.” “Man, I love finding new sides on you.” “Why?” “Well, it will be easy for you to climb me then, won’t it?”

Goro swatted him, and the reverberating laughter felt oddly fulfilling.

“You’re making all those innuendos, yet you haven’t initiated anything.” “Well, I’m not very keen on directing Boss’s anger on me.” “Right. Then you should stop with those jokes when he’s present.” “I can’t help it! My lewd thoughts just spill open when I’m with you.” “Idiot.”

Ren pressed a kiss to his favorite spot- Goro’s left side of the neck, right under his chin- he was apparently the most sensitive there, if you trusted Ren’s judgement, and Goro twitched at the touch.

He didn’t admit that _any_ touch of Ren’s made him hypersensitive.

It would just fuel that ego of his, and they didn’t need that.

“I’m just waiting for when the time’s right, babe. Don’t grow impatient. We can go as slow as we want- and I like what we’re having right now. It’s been barely one and a half week since we got back together- even though it feels like a hella lot more.”

Time was something that always ran out of Goro’s grasp.

“I see.”

“Don’t just ‘I see’-me, Goro.” Ren’s pearling laughter rumbled in his ears.

“Shut up, then. I need to gather my energy to sleep.” “Mhm, alright. Sleep tight, Gorooooooo.” “Your incessant stretching of my name is rather unnecessary, don’t you think?” “No, actually.” “And why, pray tell?”

“Because I loooove ticking you off. Goooooorooooo.”

Huffing, Goro snuggled closer, and their banter continued until Ren fell asleep first.

Goro caressed his cheek, mumbling to no one.

“How can you be real…?”

The only answer he received was a contemplative hum.

The brunet sighed. “Yeah, I figured. Stupid question. Sweet dreams, Ren.”

***

Upon his return the next day, Goro was surprised to spot Sojiro working behind the counter- which in itself, wouldn’t be a surprise- yet there was no sign from Ren. Confused, the detective searched around for any sign of the barista, until his search was halted by a low grumble. “Kid’s out for some errand. Said he was gonna be quick about it.”

Goro nodded awkwardly, flashing Sojiro a smile before he made his way upstairs and changed. After a while, he figured it’d be rude not to reappear- with him literally living in the older man’s establishment. Despite the fact that he was co-inhabiting Sojiro’s shop for quite some time, he hadn’t gotten to know the owner properly, if not for the few talks here and there.

It was, Goro guessed, also due to the fact that Sojiro himself wasn’t quite the talkative man.

Still, Goro took a few of his notes and books and went downstairs again, checking his phone for messages- Ren had indeed written him he was off for a bit since he needed to take care of some stuff, but would try his best to return as fast as possible.

A part of Goro desperately wished for the father figure of Ren to acknowledge him- to like him and accept him. It would certainly help in building a better relationship with the barista- Goro blushed slightly, chiding himself for even thinking such a stupid thing.

_But is it that bad I wish to please people close to him in an effort to make him happy?_

Goro’s nose was buried deep down in his notes- criminal law, once again- when a cup of deliciously smelling coffee was served in front of him, alongside a plate of curry.

Sojiro turned around with a gruff before Goro could thank him. “Can’t have you starving until the kid returns.”

That was all he said, and the detective- oddly intimidated by his tone- didn’t muster the courage to say anything else.

The coffee was wonderful. It tasted even better than Ren’s- of course, Ren was the one who picked up the skills from a skillful teacher, it’d make sense- and the curry tasted similarly as well.

Sojiro had whipped out some newspapers, but he did glance over at Goro quite a few times- so much, it begun to bother the detective. Maybe he should try and reinitiate a conversation before things got even more awkward.

“The coffee is delicious, just like the food. Ren had…a very capable teacher these years, didn’t he?”

There was no immediate reply, and Goro winced internally- alright, so this was apparently not happening. He was just about to grab his things when Sojiro lowered the newspaper, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Kid taught it to himself. I didn’t do much- he’s a quick learner.” “Ren has…very fast adaptive skills, that is indeed true.”

This earned him something akin to a laugh- a huff, resonating in the silence of the café. “Do they teach all young men like you to talk like that? Ren could learn a thing or two from you.” “Ah- pardon me. I assume my manner of speech must seem quite odd in comparison to Ren.”

Sojiro clicked his tongue, shaking his head. He didn’t reply, opting to turn on the TV hanging on the wall, switching through a few channels before he picked a random news channel and buried his nose in the stack of paper again.

_Wrong answer, apparently. Looks like I messed up._

_Dang._

Sojiro didn’t turn the volume up too loudly, so Goro was able to focus on his work untroubled.

However, his focused manner left him when a familiar voice piped up from the screen.

_‘We live in a land of turmoil- people are sabotaging and using violence to get whatever they want, uncaring of the weak and the poor. That is unacceptable! We simply must change the way our country works, lest we want it to go to waste. I promise to steer the country the right way- so that no one will ever have to live in fear!’_

A new voice chirped in, mumbling something about destroyed and raided shops in a corner of Tokyo, with the thieves still on the run.

It let bile rise in Goro’s throat. No doubt Shido had instigated the raid himself, and even put up the shop owners to it- this was a good boost for his campaign, after all. He had to polish his image- this was a good start. Wreak havoc and claim to defend the weak, not letting them know he was the reason havoc reached them in the first place.

Goro could puke.

“Your father is not a very sympathetic man.”

The detective was caught off guard, casting a nervous glance into Sojiro’s direction.

Unrelenting, Sojiro went on. “He talks big and fancy- good to trick people into believing all his shit, I suppose.”

The shop owner stopped, running a hand through his hair. He let out a sigh as a nervous tickle began creeping into Goro’s body- sure, it wasn’t a secret that he was Shido’s son, one way or another- but Sojiro had never struck him as very interested in- well, talking about the politician.

Or anything else, for that matter- at least when it came to conversing with Goro.

The fact that the elder man struck up a conversation about Goro’s origin seemed like a bad sign to the brunet, ringing all sorts of alarm bells.

“I…do agree with you”, Goro replied, slow and unsure, the insecurity in his voice not matching the persona of the confident Detective Prince at all. He cursed himself internally for dropping his façade like that- surely the Detective Prince loved his father, didn’t he? But he also felt like…maybe he didn’t need to. Maybe Sojiro could see behind the façade of a rising politician.

“He’s the type of person who could have blood on his hands and nobody would even suspect him.”

Goro recoiled like he’d been slapped, his heart jumping out of his chest.

Did Sojiro know? About how Shido had ordered Isshiki’s death? Goro hadn’t known much about her except that she had a daughter- he never knew about the existence of Sojiro Sakura until Ren came into his life. Since Ren gave his word that their conversation about Isshiki didn’t get out, Goro also felt relatively safe for that matter- he would never hide the truth forever, but he needed time to think about what to do and how.

However, it didn’t seem like Sojiro would grant him that privilege. Slowly, the detective’s mouth dry like the Sahara, questioned back: “Why…What makes you say that?”

“Because I am one hundred percent sure he was responsible for Wakaba’s death.”

The words struck Goro like a painful shot in the chest. He nearly jumped off his feet and fled the café right then there- if it hadn’t been for the fact that Sojiro was approaching him now.

His steps resounded heavily in Goro’s ears, drowning out the sounds of the cheerful ad playing in the background, hyper-focusing on Shido’s voice frome earlier instead and the ominous clack of shoes on the ground drawing closer to him. It was like he was a young teenager back again, afraid of the slaps and the brutal onslaught of pain he was prepared to receive for ‘merely existing’. For intruding Shido’s home- even though Shido himself had gotten him access- for daring to feel like he was safe and sound-

Sojiro didn’t notice the shiver thudding through Goro’s body, the fearful look in his eyes as he caught Sojiro’s gaze. The elder man had his forehead drawn into a concerned wrinkle.

“Look- I’m not really interested in telling you my history- or Futaba’s- or Wakaba’s, that is. I didn’t know you were that bastard’s son.” Goro flinched- internally.

Externally, he was frozen like a puppet, letting no emotion twitch his face or limbs. Just like when he was a child- he knew the adults were going to hit him, but he wouldn’t falter and let them have the privilege of seeing the fear in his eyes- it would be like losing, and Goro hated losing.

Yet, he felt paralyzed as Sojiro talked on.

“I just found out by accident a few days ago. And honestly, it’s not my place at all to mingle in the kid’s relationships- heck, I was glad he was reunited with his brother. As far as I know, you were sort of the deciding factor in that. I thank you for that.”

“But…?”

Sojiro exhaled. “Look. I don’t like that bastard-“ he pointed vaguely at the screen, filled up with Shido’s face “-and I know for a fact he has very sketchy methods of getting rid of any threats or loose ends. I know how he handles situations to turn around to his gain. Possibly better than you.”

Goro nodded, wordlessly. The animosity in Sojiro’s voice was undeniable.

“Looks like you’re aware, too. Well, I’ll get straight to the point then- it’s not my place to meddle in whatever business Ren and you are in. I’m not interested in that. All I’m saying is- don’t. invite. trouble. into my house.” The elder man emphasized each word. 

“I am an old man- I’m sick and tired of losing people precious to me, or see my living ones drown in dread, depression and fear.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to see Ren get in danger. And if meddling with you means he’s becoming a potential target- or tool- to that bastard on screen…I’ll kindly ask you to back off.”

The man took a deep breath.

“Please.”

Sojiro’s stance deflated a little. “I can’t stand the thought of any of my family members in danger- and Ren practically invites trouble into the house all the time. So long as the scale of it remains small- well, it’s not good for my heart, but I manage. Have managed for the last, what, seven years?”

“But you won’t risk inviting a bigger threat, don’t you?”

Goro’s smile felt plastered onto his face, Detective Prince style all over again- his voice was calm and steady, though inside, he was yelling.

Sojiro, despite the fact that his stance deflated, had a steely and determined look in his eyes. “No.”

“Well, you’re- a very smart man, then.”

“I don’t really care about being smart or whatnot. What I request of you is selfish- and I’m probably going to hear a lot from Ren for that matter. But that doesn’t matter to me so long as he’s safe and sound. Hate me as much as you want for that.”

Goro chuckled. “Oh, believe me, Sir- I do not. It seems I have overstayed my welcome here, haven’t I, though?”

Goro’s inner child was screaming. Trashing, crying. But he remained poised as Sojiro turned around, making his way back to the counter.

“Technically, I could throw you out- this is my place, after all. But that wasn’t what I meant. I merely requested you not to bring Ren in any potential danger. Or Futaba, for that matter. I didn’t say you had to leave, or whatever you conjured up in your head. Shido is dangerous- you’re his son. He killed Wakaba when she became a potential threat. It’s not too far-fetched for me to be afraid of something happening to Ren, then, is it? Man, I need a cigarette.”

Goro, however, couldn’t register those words anymore. All he could hear was the growing static noise in his ears, repeating and drilling the same words all over again.

_Don’t bring my family into trouble._

_Don’t invite danger._

_Don’t put my son into danger._

_They’re my family. You don’t belong to us._

_Why do we have to risk things for taking this ungrateful child in?_

How often had he heard those words, especially when he was a young child, over and over and over.

Sojiro’s message rung clear among those words. _You mean trouble. Leave._

It was funny, in a way, wasn’t it? Despite the fact that Goro normally wouldn’t have given a rat’s shit about someone hating on him and trying to throw him out again, it hurt much more this time- because he knew the plea was coming from a ‘good place’. Sojiro had taken care of Futaba and Ren, taken Ren in when the boy had no place to go and no family to return to. Sojiro knew exactly what it was like to be lost in the world. Obviously, he didn’t know Goro’s history, but it didn’t matter.

Goro was unwanted. He meant trouble.

That’s all that mattered.

And while this wasn’t new, somewhere, Sojiro’s words rang true in Goro’s heart. He _was_ endangering Ren and everyone else by staying close. If Shido saw his position in danger because Goro knew all his dirty secrets, it wasn’t hard to believe he’d go so far as to take care of Goro’s friends as well, Goro having potentially leaked his secrets to them.

Worse, he had. He had told Ren all about what a dirty scumbag he was- and while Goro wanted the whole world to know, and didn’t regret saying those things at all- it also meant he could become a target to Shido.

Was it worth it? Was it worth putting someone as beautiful as Ren into danger, just because Goro held selfish, egoistic feelings for him? Wanted to have him by his side, uncaring of the danger it brought along?

Ren didn’t deserve to be pulled in yet another mess consisting of Goro’s shitty life.

The question rose: Where would Goro go now? Kicked out of yet another place, unwanted by another one?

Goro felt tired. Lost.

Alone.

He wanted to cry.

The pain of rejection and the fear of losing Ren by his own fault clawed into Goro’s heart like a powerful beast attacking its prey. The words on his papers began to shimmer as tears gathered in Goro’s eyes.

He felt incredibly weak. Powerless. He wanted nothing more than to kill Shido and be free of his entire existence- this was all his fault, his fault, his- but then, it was easy to push away the responsibility of the situation onto someone else, wasn’t it? Maybe it was Goro’s fault for being born in the first place. Maybe he shouldn’t ever have-

-No, fuck. That was exactly what Shido had always wanted him to think, and even if it was just mere pettiness, Goro couldn’t give into those thoughts- as tempting and seducing as they were. He fought tooth and nail to be where he was now- alive. He couldn’t just give that up and not enact his revenge- it would have made all the suffering pointless.

Goro’s thoughts derailed, running round and round, never stopping- the only thing making him halt was the memory of Ren’s scent, of Ren’s smile, of his gentle touches that never failed to make Goro tear up.

The only person to have ever wanted him for what he was- who knew him through and through, and yet refused to back down, despite the black soul inhabiting his body, despite being the affection-starved monster he was.

No, Ren didn’t deserve to get into Shido’s fangs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope. Nope, this isn't over yet. And as you may guess...'Lust and Love' theme is over(or is it); so I wonder what comes next? ;)  
> Also, parallels, anyone? The conversation Ren and Goro have about cases...do you remember something? ;)  
> Just in case anyone's confused: Sojiro really didn't know much about Goro except that he was some TV Idol after he stopped believing Goro was a drug addict lol. And since he never really bothers to look people up, and Goro doesn't talk about his origin on TV often, anyway...this really did slip him by....yikes. He didn't know his words would trigger Goro so badly, though, as Goro begins to open up and explore the depth of his feelings towards Ren...  
> But Ren and his dumb jokes, lol. A joy.


	38. The Love cooes in silence as the lovers dance away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chants* AnnGoro bonding, AnnGoro bonding....

Ann had just kicked back, changed into her pajamas and turned on the TV to watch a good old chick flick when a certain melody made her perk up. It was the tune for when the security guard called her- which he didn’t…do at all.

Alright, so this was weird.

Ann picked up the phone nevertheless, and albeit confused, greeted the guard cheerfully. “Hey, Bob, what’s up?”

“Huh? Guests? No, I’m not expecting any…?”

“Oh, wait, is it one of my friends? Then let them in!”

“Uh…what do you mean he can’t verify himself? He’s not carrying his purse? He looks like that idol guy from TV?” There were dozens of people fitting that description.

“Sure, let me check on the video cam, just a second- uff!”

Nearly planting her face on the ground in an effort to get up, Ann made her way to the door where the display for the security cam was connected. 

She had expected a lot of people.

But not the brown mop of hair that was Goro Akechi.

And with the most miserable look on his face she’d ever seen. It reminded her of that one night when she first met him and Ren- and that he’d somehow lost it when she said the wrong things.

What he was doing here and why didn’t matter- he looked like he needed help, and Ann would do his best to provide it.

Though she _did_ wonder if Ren knew he was here- it was a weekday, after all- they had classes tomorrow.

And it was already after midnight.

Worrying.

“Uh, Bob…? Yeah, let him in- fast. What do you mean he’s trying to leave? He’s been trying to leave since he spotted you and realized he couldn’t get in without permission? Noooooo don’t let him flee! Catch him! Stick him in the elevator and send him up to me! Go, go, go!”

Ann felt a bit ridiculous, but this was worth it- if Goro was trying to leave, he might have second thoughts about whatever he was dealing with. But since he initially thought of visiting her, Ann would do her damn best to pry the words out of him.

When the doorbell rung, she nearly ripped the door out of its hinge in an attempt to open it as fast as possible- and she was greeted with the comical sight of Bob holding a biting and hissing Goro Akechi thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

For the first time in Ann’s life, she was glad how bulky and strong the security man was. He nodded briefly as a greeting, setting down the punching Goro on the ground- telling Ann he had another guard stand by the entrance, and that - _Please,_ _don’t make me do this again, he bites and he’s scary._

She nearly erupted into laughter, had it not been for the stony look on Goro’s face when he was greeted by her sight, pulling him in.

“Uh…hi, Akechi?”

He didn’t react, even when Ann had long closed the door. At some point, his face fell into a scowl, and he muttered something like ‘This was a mistake’ before attempting to open the door again and leave- but nuh-uh. Ann was not having it.

“You know you can attempt to leave, but I’ll just tell Bob to carry you back to me.”

“I seriously think he’s violating some sort of human right if he does.”

Ann shrugged. “I pay a good tip?”

That drew a snarl out of Akechi- Ann wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a laugh or not.

She furrowed her brows, tugging him by his sleeve. “Come on, we should go get some ice cream. Whatever brought you here must mean serious business. And serious business- is best resolved by eating ice cream!”

To her surprise, Goro let himself tug along without resisting.

Ann pointed at various flavored ice creams, but Goro shook his head slightly- except when it came to the mint flavored version, so Ann took that as a sign that he wouldn’t mind being served that one. She picked up her ice cream scoop and a bowl, filling it up with a generous amount of mint ice cream before she proceeded to do the same for her own bowl- except that she filled it with strawberry and chocolate.

No matter how many cheerful jokes she tried to pull, Goro remained quiet- and she grew more and more worried, because she sure as hell hadn’t ever seen him- like this.

Not even that night he lost his shit.

They settled on the couch- though Ann had to drag the detective over, press the bowl and spoon into his hands because he wasn’t reacting.

Ann let him.

She was waiting for him to erupt.

At least, she thought this must be what it was like for Goro Akechi to be short of exploding- he hadn’t ever really let his guard down except for whenever she met up with him and Ren together, after all.

Shakily, Goro took a large scoop of ice cream onto his spoon- only on Ann’s encouraging words- and when he put the spoon into his mouth, pulled it out again, Ann held her breath for a reaction.

“This is disgusting”, he murmured, before he hurled the bowl across the room- luckily somewhere the splinters couldn’t reach Ann or himself- and shattered it into thousand pieces, letting out a primal scream that came right from his heart.

Alright, so Ann was a little terrified.

But she also felt her heart clench in pain when she saw the tears run down Goro’s cheeks, and when he stopped screaming like a maniac, pulled his knees close to his chest and buried his head in it- his whole body shaking in something Ann couldn’t know- fear, sadness, anger?

The only thing she could see was a sad child throwing a tantrum.

She didn’t know whether he was comfortable with hugs or touches right now, so she scooted closer- after putting her ice cream bowl far, far away, and other potential things that could be hurled across the room- listening to his sobs and weeps- until she could make out words because he had raised his head slightly.

“Tell me- one thing, Ann-“ His voice was choked up, raw- he must have been screaming before he came here as well.

“Explain-“

His voice hitched.

“Why am I always the nuisance? Why am I always the one endangering everyone? Why on _fucking_ earth am I the only one who doesn’t deserve something good happening to him? When life grants me one good thing, it just mercilessly rips it away again. Why grant it to me in the first place, then? Does it fucking enjoy watching me suffer? Does it enjoy having me scream and yell in pain, agonize about whether I deserve to live or not? Why does that bastard stick his nose into every little business I have, why does he keep ruining things for me, why can’t I just keep _one_ single good thing in my life- why, why, _why?_ Why does he have to be my father- why can’t he just die like the worthless, disgusting thing he is?”

Ann let him ramble, concern and fear evident in her face- but she couldn’t just disappear when Goro was losing his shit. It wouldn’t do him good! She wasn’t Ren, or Akira…but Goro had chosen _her_ to come to, so that meant…he trusted her enough to snap him out of this, right?

Goro was ugly sobbing now.

“Why did I have to meet Ren? Why did I- have to know what it meant to be with him? Why did he have to take me in and promise me to stay? Grant me- happiness, as if something like that existed for scum like me? Why does someone like him bear to be in my presence? Ann…”

Goro whipped up his head from where he had buried it in between his knees- wow, Ann couldn’t even _begin_ to describe how terrible he looked- but when he opened his mouth again, Ann knew the question was going to be different than the ones Goro had just hurled out in his anger. His volume dropped, his voice was all choked up when he whispered the next words- and Ann had to lean in reaaaaally close to properly understand what he said, despite her fear he could hurl out and yell at her-

“Why did I have to fall in love with him? I can’t just give up on him now.”

And then he was bawling, ugly bawling, and with every drop of tear running down his face, every drip of snot running down his nose and smearing his face in a really disgusting manner- Ann’s heart broke, and she didn’t even know how it happened or when or why-

-but suddenly, she felt herself instinctively reach out, her arms engulfing Goro in a hug- very carefully, easily swatted away- and when the soft mop of brown hair hit her shoulder, she felt arms reach out in turn. Part of her was afraid he’d push her away, sent her flying- yet, Goro was merely returning the hug with all he had, bawling into her shoulder as his arms tightened around her waist and his tears fell freely, limitless like a waterfall.

Ann didn’t know what happened or why- but she felt her own tears swell up at every silent scream and tear that escaped Goro, and she swore to herself she’d do something to alleviate his pain.

And _definitely_ punch the person who made the poor guy suffer like this.

***

To say Goro was embarrassed for having lost his shit like that was an understatement. He was _horrified._

When he got his shit back together, he immediately ran over where he had hurled the bowl of ice cream- tried to pick up the pieces and clean it up by hand, despite Ann’s loud protest. That was, until he felt more than just one piece of glass sting his bare feet and hands- though he never even remembered stripping his shoes, lost in his anger- leaving behind many small bloody wounds. Then, and only then did he decide Ann was right in her demands for him to use the vacuum cleaner and slip on some slippers to protect his feet.

However, since she noticed he’d already driven a few pieces of glass into his body, she banned him to the couch- effectively shutting him up and keeping him from moving by claiming she’d call Bob again if he did something stupid- while she let the vacuum suck up what was once mint flavored ice cream and a bowl.

She only did that because Goro couldn’t stand to see the mess he made. When she was finished, she told him he was going to get the glass shards pulled out right now- before they could hurt him any longer.

Despite her lacking medical knowledge, she carefully pulled out all the tiny- and a few larger- pieces of glass, wincing as if she was suffering under pain and not Goro- because Goro himself remained quiet, didn’t bat an eye as she pulled out the tiny thorns and plastered all his wounds- not before spraying some antiseptic on them, of course.

When she was finished- and oddly satisfied- her bright and cheery attitude fell to a concerned one. She had pain glistening in her eyes- she must have been scared, Goro realized, fuck, he’d made her scared when he snapped- but she seemed oddly determined as well.

Her voice didn’t even shake when she asked him what this was about, and she _definitely_ rose in his eyes thanks to her unrelenting courage- but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, and he couldn’t say anything.

He wordlessly shook his head.

Her pretty face fell into a concerned frown. “Do you…want me to call Ren?”

_Ren._

The only human on earth he desired so much the every fiber of his being physically begun to hurt when he thought of parting with him.

Silent tears ebbed down his face again, sending Ann into a panic. “Shit, was that the wrong thing to say?! Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I- I- Uhhhh. Look, I don’t know what happened- did you like, fight or something? No?”

Goro shook his head more fervently.

“Sooo…things are okay?”

Goro shook his head again.

“Hmm…okay. Do you mind if either of the twins know you’re here?”

That made Goro look up again- and it squeezed Ann’s heart, how fragile and hurt he looked, his doe brown eyes wide and round- but without giving an answer, he just buried his head again.

Alright. So he was leaving the decision to her, then.

Oh gosh, what was the right thing to do here? Maybe he wanted to be apart from Ren since something happened.

Or maybe he needed Ren precisely _because_ they were apart.

Urgh.

For a while, Ann just let him be- cry silently or brood or…do whatever he was doing. She took out her phone- sending a glance towards Goro as if testing his reactions- but he didn’t even move one inch, so she checked her messages.

There were messages from friends, casually asking what she was doing or whether she was ready for yet another tiring day of university- no one was asking her about Goro. That meant Goro hadn’t told anyone where he was going- or no one knew where he had left to.

Concerning.

She decided to ask Akira- and while she was still typing a message, dots appeared next to his name, indicating he was writing to her as well.

_Akira o(〃＾▽＾〃)o (00:40): Hey, do you have any idea where Goro is? Ren is searching for him like a madman._

_Akira o(〃＾▽＾〃)o (00:40): Apparently he’s gone missing a few hours ago and left all his stuff in Leblanc_

_Akira o(〃＾▽＾〃)o (00:40): without a word obv_

Well, that explained a lot of things. And made the decision on Ann’s shoulders a bit lighter.

She told Akira that he was with her, but he seemed pretty miserable and sad- yet refused to talk to her, and she was growing worried her presence didn’t help him at all.

She was sort of surprised- and not- when only half an hour later, Bob called her again.

“Heeelloo? Oh? Another someone who can’t identify himself? And he seems frantic? Wait, it could be he’s my friend- send his pic up the camera! Gee, I’m sorry he’s trying to pick a fight- please don’t mind him.”

Bob would get a reaaaally hefty tip at the end of this night- and an apology cake.

And, yeah- that definitely looked like Ren. The camera quality here was really good, so Ann was easily able to discern the differences between Ren and Akira.

He looked really angry, though his anger was probably directed towards Bob, not Goro. Or else she’d kick him if he dared to rile up the broken, hurt detective.

She winked him through, and she swore he ran up the stairs faster than the elevator, because he was heavily breathing like he’d just run a marathon when she opened the door for him. “Goro”, he wheezed out, barely able to stand, and Ann awkwardly gestured to the couch in the living room.

Ren’s eyes lightened up, and Ann would have expected him to run over- instead, he slowly walked over to the little ball of angst on the couch and Ann was ready to retreat to her room, hoping to erase her own existence in her flat.

A woman’s intuition was often right, and right now, it told her to stay the hell away and let those two work it out.

Though she _would_ make sure this didn’t erupt into some sort of fight before she retreated. From a safe distance.

That sounded like a plan, at least.

“Hey, Goro.”

He didn’t want to hear the impossible soft voice calling out his name.

Yet, every inch of his body longed to hurl himself against the very same.

“Babe.”

There was a hint of mischief in his voice as Goro felt Ren drop next to him. He was still breathing erratically- the fool must have ran again. At the end of their shared life, Ren could probably compete with athletes, running around the city as frequently as he did with the frantic goal to find Goro- anywhere.

Because of course the fool wouldn’t abandon him. Wouldn’t leave him be.

It just made this harder.

He felt Ren’s erratic breathing subside, until he was finally able to breathe normally again- and he felt an arm sneak around his shoulders. It easily engulfed him, considering the small shape of ball Goro had turned into- or attempted to, at least.

“Goooooroooo…”

The incessant drawing of his name was so familiar and yet- hurt so much. Though this time, the laughter was missing from Ren’s voice, a melodious tone accompanying him instead- one that danced through Goro’s ear, attempting to fill in the cold, dark parts of his body with a bit of gleam.

“Goro. Show me your beautiful face, won’t you?”

Ha. As if anything containing Goro was beautiful. His face was contorted with pain, his cheeks stained with trails of tears, his nose smeared with snot- and there was a painful headache trying to murder him.

“You know, I don’t really know how squishy your knees are, and I might possess abs and a well-trained body- but I’m preeetty sure I’m much squishier than the position you’re currently holed up in. Besides, if you wanna spend your night feeling miserable, might as well be hugging a hot guy while at it, right?”

Goro’s head whipped up, furious. “I am _not_ miserable, you stupid-“

Ah no, he fell for it-

Ren was wearing a gentle smile, and before Goro knew what was happening, his boyfriend had already grabbed him and hauled him against his chest. Goro’s growls were muffled by Ren’s shirt, and his weak punches only elicited laughter from the raven.

“See? Much better.”

“Fucking let me go”, Goro choked out, albeit neither his voice nor his punches really accentuated his words.

Ren knew as well. “You know you don’t mean that.”

Goro’s voice was raspy, and every word hurt his throat. “But you should.”

“No.”

_Stubborn mule._

Goro buried his face deeper into Ren’s chest, surrendering to the warm and gentle hug.

“Babe, what happened? I nearly got a heart attack when I got home and all your stuff was left on the table. Right alongside your phone- no wonder you didn’t pick my calls or my text messages.”

When the brunet didn’t answer, Ren talked on. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there today- Lala needed someone to take over an emergency shift right when I was done buying groceries and the rest of my supplies.”

Goro’s mumbles got lost in an incomprehensive grumble.

“What I bought?”

Of course the idiot would know just what Goro was trying to say, even with his voice giving up on him.

“Well, the usual, boring groceries, I guess- I found some recipes on the internet I wanna try out, and we were running out of stuff to eat, anyway. Especially ingredients for your pancakes.” Ren chuckled, and Goro couldn’t resist the warmth seeping into his heart, trying to melt the icy parts away.

He couldn’t have this. He shouldn’t put Ren into danger.

“You know I’d do just about anything to bring the smile to your lips. So I couldn’t risk running out of your favorite food. You know what we should do? Try cooking together. I mean, I can imagine the kind of disaster you’d be in the kitchen- wow, Goro, your punches once had more power behind them, you know?- but hey, I sucked pretty badly when I started out five years ago, too. Did I tell you Sojiro only ever cooked curry for me? I had two meals a day- curry for breakfast, and curry for dinner. It sort of forced me to become my own cook, lest I wanted to choke and die on the taste of curry.”

At the mention of the owner’s name, Goro flinched- it didn’t go by unnoticed, of course, Ren was way too sharp for that- but he didn’t comment on it.

He let the silence settle.

“Do you wanna go back home? It’s getting pretty late, and you still have a full day tomorrow, right?”

“I’m not welcome there anymore”, Goro wheezed out.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I’m not welcome anywhere. I told you. I’m not going back there. I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“But it’s where we live-“

“No, fuck, it’s where _you_ live, where _you_ have your stupid fucking caring family, where your- your accursed, loving adorers are waiting for you to come home-“ Goro grew more and more agitated, and he tore himself away from Ren’s embrace- though not far enough for Ren to lose his hold on him- and it was a mistake, Goro realized, to try and look at Ren’s eyes in his fury-

-because all he could see in there was a turmoil of emotions that sent all his emotions drowning into a vast ocean of a feeling he didn’t want to name.

“You should- just break up with me! Leave me alone for fuck’s sake!”

He was a child throwing a tantrum, and while Goro hated himself for that- he also didn’t really have much of an idea how else to go on about this. Frankly, he didn’t know how to deal with the situation at all.

“No? Why on earth would I do that?”

_At least make things easier for me, idiot._

“Don’t you fucking get it-“ Goro cried out, “-That _no one-_ not even fucking fate itself- wants us to be together? That wherever I go I only ever cause havoc, that no one fucking wants me, and that- that even if I wanted something-“ his voice grew louder, erratic “-that it’ll end up being destroyed? By my own fault, no less! You only- ever liked me because you pitied me anyway! You don’t like me! You don’t! So be kind enough and drop me before I-”

Goro wheezed, and the more agitated he grew, the more he ended up trying to believe his words- that Ren didn’t see him as who he was, anyway, and if he did, he only ever saw a pitiable, unlovable human being- that he took up as a charity project.

He also realized he sucked at lying to himself.

Because Ren had never been that way- never acted like that. Besides, Goro was acting like a child- spluttering nonsensical nonsense that was barely connected to each other, merely in an attempt to give way to his anger.

The look in Ren’s eyes paralyzed him- his piercing stare shattered any resolve Goro had found to break up and leave Ren behind- to protect the stupid piece of shit, for fuck’s sake- but what came next took him off guard so badly, he couldn’t try and conceal his true emotions anymore.

“You’re right”, Ren nodded, slowly, his gaze never leaving the brunet’s, “I don’t like you, Goro. I love you.”

Goro was left speechless.

His jaw dropped open, and any strength that had been stored in his body was sapped away like a vampire drawing blood- Goro easily succumbed to the tight hug Ren drew him into anew.

The confession shouldn’t have surprised him- but it did, it hit him with a strength that not even a high-graded natural disaster could even _hope_ to achieve- it burned away the oxygen in his lungs, tore his heart apart in tiny pieces only to gently put them together again, as if he’d been dying of thirst after wandering under the desert sun for too long and all of a sudden the skies clouded over and a torrent of water crashed down on him-

In short, he was stunned into silence.

“If you think you’re not welcome in Leblanc anymore- which is total and utter bullshit, but anyway- then I’ll follow you to wherever else you wanna go. We could still go back to my other apartment, have you forgotten? The one above Crossroads. Or anywhere else, really. And even if such a metaphorical being as ‘fate’ doesn’t want us to be together- do you really think I give a rat’s shit about that? I’ve never given a fuck about what people or otherworldly powers thought about me, anyway- and what does it matter, when I want you and you want me back? You do, don’t you, Goro?”

_I’ve never wanted anything in life more badly than you._

“Right, see, I’m a sucker for when you return my hugs with passion, but- I sort of need an answer here, Goro. Can’t rely on my Goro-reading instincts forever.”

“I can’t have you”, the brunet cried out, weakly and broken instead. The child inside him was weeping- with fear, or happiness, Goro didn’t know.

“Said who? Fate? Fuck fate, then. The world? Then we’ll burn the shitty thing down and build our own world- made with our own rules. Don’t you remember when I first said so? This place isn’t good for a lot of things, anyway. I’m not giving up on you, Goro. Never. So tell me- who’s the bastard that makes you think all this shit about ‘not being able to have you’?”

“You’re going to die if you stay with me.”

“Not if we get to the person trying to tear us apart, first.”

_Click._

It was as if someone had clicked on the switch to illuminate the room of darkness Goro had so long been trapped in.

He was an idiot.

He was such an idiot.

Slowly, Goro lifted his head- and was met with two pair of brilliant eyes, and a forbidden grin.

“I’m- an idiot.”

“Mhm, but you’re- my idiot.”

Ren kissed him.

“So- who’s the guy we need to kill off for you to finally, finaaaaaally find some peace and quiet? I mean, except the demons residing in you- those ones, we’re gonna try and kill off with time, but…There’s a real threat out there, the one who makes all of this worse, doesn’t he?”

Goro huffed. “You talk as if you could read my thoughts, you know?”

Ren grinned roguishly. “Well, can I?”

As tempting as it was for Goro to just silence him with a kiss, he shook his head, chuckles escaping him. “At least you have my permission now.”

“That’s not an answer, and you know it.” Ren’s face fell into a pout.

Goro looked at Ren once again- properly, as if trying to dissect his inner being- and he knew. He just…knew this idiot would do about anything if Goro asked him to. It was as if the seeds Ren had planted inside the detective’s heart had suddenly decided to spring in full bloom, though they had been watered only once- and he could hear them jingling and dancing as a gentle breeze caressed them, greeting them and congratulating them for making it this far.

It meant, for Goro, a new beginning- a chance. A future was unfolding in front of his eyes- memories of a happy life flashing before his inner eye, memories with _Ren_ \- and suddenly, he wasn’t afraid of losing Ren anymore- all he could think about were the stories and the torrent of feelings awaiting him once he’d fought through the thorny path of hell and revenge.

 _Possibilities_.

The old Goro would have scoffed and told him to stop being so disillusioned and start living in the current reality.

The current Goro, however, was ready to plunge down and take the flimsy chance.

Now, this plan was something he’d been pursuing for a lifetime, and he wouldn’t let Ren do the dirty work himself- that’d rob him of his own vengeance. But he supposed there was no harm in letting Ren aid him in his ambition, because the idiot would go and do it anyway.

Goro, despite his throat being raw and sore, tried gathering his strength once more. He had a battle ahead- a long one. One where he would have to face his own sins and repent for them while simultaneously trying to bring down the biggest villain walking on earth. It would be a challenge for sure.

But as he looked at the flirtatious barista in his arms, he was sure of one thing: if taking the toll and the risk meant securing _something_ with this utterly foolish idiot in his arms- if it meant being able to keep him safe and have him be his and his alone-

Then the decision whether to walk down the risky, thorny path to happiness seemed to be a little more illuminated than before.

Goro Akechi had something to protect, for the first time in his life after his mother had left him alone.

And damned would he be if he let Shido just take it away from him again- even if he died in the process. Though, halt, he didn’t want to die because that also meant giving Ren up- well, you get the sentiment.

Masayoshi Shido was going down- as fast as humanly possible.

Goro had less than three months- the counter was ticking.

“Do you remember…how I once told you I was a dying man?” Ren nodded, the mischief in his eyes replaced by a sobering look.

“Well…I have good reason to believe Shido will want to get rid of me soon. He’s been pursuing a rather- aggressive politic these days, and his only goal has only ever been to become prime minister. With elections coming up, he’ll do everything in his power to achieve what he’s been long hoping- and used me for. I think that- he’ll try to silence me after his position is secured, because I am too much of a threat. And because I seem to have lost value in his eyes.”

Ren listened on, not daring to interrupt.

“His goons told me the last thing, by the way. He’s been quiet the last few weeks and months- I don’t really know why, which is why it put me on edge. Supposedly, he could try and instigate an attack on _me_ for PR reasons, now that I think about it. It would be like killing two birds with one stone: have his aggressive course of politics justified, and…have me dead.”

“You think the bastard is out to get you?”

The rage in Ren’s eyes sparked a flame in Goro’s gut he wasn’t sure…he ever felt before.

It didn’t help that the almost brutal grip Ren suddenly had on him sparked a bolt of lust flashing down right to his toes, either.

_Maybe I do have a fetish for hate sex._

_Or maybe I just like it rough._

“I am…very much assured he is. I just-”

“Fuck, Goro, he wants to kill you? The psychopath is out to _kill you?_ And you’ve only ever told me that now?!”

Goro winced. “I didn’t-“

His reply was smothered in yet another bone crushing hug. “Fuck, babe, did you suffer with this fear the past weeks- months- all on your own?! You didn’t- you didn’t tell anyone, did you? You just- swallowed it up and buried it inside of you?”

See, Goro had believed, in some part of his heart- that Ren would hate him for being forced into a relationship with a dying man without prior knowledge. Sure, Goro wouldn’t just let himself be killed easily- but his chances of survival were slim, and he didn’t have enough man strength to defend himself against the onslaught of three- or more- trained hitmen. He was aware of that.

But somehow, Ren’s reaction didn’t quite fit what Goro had analyzed him as.

Ren’s hand nearly clawed into Goro’s hair.

_Ah, there it is, he’s angry for being fooled-_

-and Ren’s voice was shaking as he whispered the following words:

“Goro, no fucking way on earth am I just going to let someone _kill_ you. What the fuck? I’m going to defend you to my dying breath is what I’ll do. And, just for clarification- I wouldn’t let him kill _me,_ either. I’ll tear that bitch apart for- for even making you _think_ you were going to die after being used as a puppet and a PR doll for so long. I mean, I was out for blood the day you stumbled into Crossroads half dead, but now? Fuck, he’s gonna pay- that bastard’s gonna get it, and if it’s the last thing I do- fuck!”

Goro couldn’t help it- a laugh escaped his lips.

“Goro, why are you laughing? This isn’t funny, for fuck’s sake! Do you really think I’m just going let that bastard tear me away from the love of my life?!”

_Ah, shit. Don’t just-_

“You can’t just- say that stuff without warning me first.” Goro felt a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“What?! That I’m out to kill the son of a bitch?!”

“The- the love of my life part.”

Ren’s grip softened- _what a shame-_ and his voice was eerily calm now, like the storm had settled, and instead- a soft spring breeze was caressing the broken and jutting flowers now.

“But it’s the truth. I was a fool for not saying it out loud for so long.”

Goro drew in a shaky breath.

“Goro, I know…taking down that son of a bitch won’t be easy. And- just because he’s gonna possibly get what he deserves- even if I have to use illicit methods- that won’t just make your other…traumas and fear vanish into thin air. But I promise-“

Ren gently pushed Goro a tad away, so that he could look up into Ren’s face- that was filled with a turmoil of emotions-

“I promise I’ll do my utmost humanly possible to be by your side and help you through them. I told you once- I’ll tell you again- I’ll always lend you my strength in your battles. Always. Whenever you need me- call me. I’ll be there. You _know_ I’ll be there. Fuck, I’ve been running a marathon the last few days just for your sake- and I won’t stop. That is…if you let me.”

“You fool really think I have the power to withstand you at this point?”

A slow, impish grin creeped up Ren’s face- and it lighted up his eyes in a way Goro had never seen before. Like he’d never want to tear his look away from- or wouldn’t be able to, anyway.

It was a mesmerizing sight.

“I really hope you don’t. No, scratch that- I’ll make it my life decision to ensure it?”

Goro chuckled, hitting Ren’s chest and eliciting an ‘oof’.

“Well, guess you’ll have to stick around to find out, ‘babe’.”

Ren’s face flashed from utter surprise to extreme elation- “Did you just call me babe?!”

Goro clicked his tongue. “I’m afraid you must have imagined that. I’d never fall so low as to say such a thing.”

“But you just did. Fuck, you did, fuck, I should’ve recorded-“

“Umm…guys?”

A tentative voice threw them both into silence.

Shit, they had completely forgotten that Ann was here. That they were in her apartment, even.

She stepped around the corner, a sort of frightened look on her face- but it ebbed a little as she saw the familiar way Goro and Ren had ended up intertwining their bodies.

“Is…Akechi okay now?”

She was still keeping quite the distance- she probably overheard some yelling and screams, but not the whole conversation- and it made Goro’s heart ache, the way she stood there almost crestfallen- as if she had been powerless in her actions.

Goro climbed off of Ren’s lap- how had he even ended up there was a mystery to him- and as soon as he slid out of Ren’s embrace, patted the empty place next to him.

“Sorry, Ann. I apologize for my…misbehavior earlier on. I promise I’m better now.”

To his surprise, the blonde shook her head violently.

“Don’t apologize! I just hope that I didn’t…end up making things worse. Though…from the looks of it, you seem fine now. I mean, at least in comparison to when you hurled the bowl of ice cream across the room.” She took a few steps closer, and a chuckle escaped Ren’s lips.

“You destroyed her silverware?” “First of all, it was a bowl”, Goro scowled, but before he could continue, Ren stared intently at the amount of plasters sticking on his hands and feet before he raised another question.

“So…you hurt yourself when you tried cleaning it up, huh?” Ren clicked his tongue in disapprovement.

Ann was finally close enough to seat herself next to Goro- instead, she fell to the ground, sitting down by their feet. She looked tired- no doubt she would have been in bed for a long time now. What time was it, even?

“Who cares about that. I’m just glad you’re okay again. You were sort of scary, I admit- but…” Ann played with her hair, twirling it around her finger- “…You’re still my friend. And I felt really honored you came here in search for…comfort. I guess I just went about it the wrong way, though.”

She deflated.

Wait, she was disappointed for not being able to rip Goro out of his frenzy? Oh come on. Only one person on earth was able to do that, and for the record- she had done a wonderful job on keeping Goro from going batshit insane.

“Don’t blame yourself. Goro can be a little intense when he loses it- but as far as I can tell, you did a good job preventing him from going nuts.” As always, Ren spoke the words out as if he’d read Goro’s thoughts- it was sort of endearing, but also creepy.

Definitely creepy.

“Thanks for patching him up. I bet he was trying to injure himself unconsciously- you did great in keeping him from injuring himself any more.”

“Is that…really the truth?”

Ann had a hopeful look in her eyes, but she wasn’t looking at Ren- she was looking at Goro.

The brunet sighed. “I’m sorry for showing you such a terrifying side of me. But Ren- as much as I hate to admit it…isn’t wrong. This could have ended a lot worse if you hadn’t been there.”

Goro tried to fight the blush creeping up his cheeks- and he grew even more self-conscious as Ren whisper-yelled: “Oh my gosh he’s totally blushing.”

He grabbed one of the pillows on Ann’s couch and smothered Ren’s laughter in it.

“So, now that the nuisance has been taken care of- uff!”

Ren had wrestled his way out from behind the pillow, and it was Goro’s turn to inhale the stuffy scent of the- perfumed?? cushions??? instead.

“Don’t just think you can start a pillow fight without revenge waiting around the corner!”

Before Goro could snatch another pillow, they were again interrupted by the rapidly growing grumpy female on the ground.

“Guys, can you pull yourself together for a second?! I still want to know what happened! It’s sort of concerning Akechi stormed into my apartment at an impossible hour- not that I mind, really- and started going ballisitic and telling me-“

Goro’s eyes grew wide.

 _Shit._ He’d forgotten about his frenzy talk when Ren was still absent-

About how he’d told her he loved Ren.

_Oh fuck, no no no no no noooooo._

Goro fell inelegantly to the ground- pressing a hand over Ann’s mouth, muffling her words and earning himself a glare. He leaned over to her- an amused Ren watching them from above- and whispered in her ear: “Please, I’ll go shopping with you and tell you all about my date with Ren if you promise to keep the things I babbled out to yourself. _Please._ ” He grimaced.

Ann was quiet for a while, her eyes going wide as saucers as she realized why Goro had flushed impossibly red now- right, she was smart enough to understand that much, after all- and when she nodded slightly, Goro drew his hand away- still close enough to muffle her words if she said something dangerous.

“You still need to explain what happened, though. I’ll keep my mouth shut about your incoherent speech, but…what happened?”

She threw a confused- and an accusing- look towards Ren, who held his hands up in a mock of a surrender. “Don’t look at me. I came home and had a heart attack because he wasn’t there. Next thing I know I’m running around the city and calling my brother in case he knows where Goro disappeared off to.”

Two pair of eyes locked onto Goro now, who was squeezed in next to Ann on the ground.

The detective sighed. He knew a losing battle when he saw one.

“Look, I…It’s childish. I shouldn’t have-“ “It doesn’t matter if it’s childish”, Ann interrupted him firmly, a fierce look burning in her eyes. “Do you know how many times I’ve overreacted about stupid shit Ryuji says? Quite a lot, considering the fact that we’ve known each other since middle school. I won’t judge you, Akechi. And Ren probably won’t, either, though I don’t really know him that well.” “Hey, I’d never laugh at my boyfriend for getting worked up about stuff!”

“See?” Ann rolled her eyes. “Totally whipped. Really. He’ll probably eat garbage if you tell him to do so.” “Uh, no?” “Really? If Akechi came begging to you for help, tears in his pretty eyes- brutally bruised- you wouldn’t indulge in his request?”

Oh wow, it was scary how close to reality Ann struck.

Ren sighed. “Fine, I’m whipped. Moving on. What happened, Goro? As far as I can guess, Sojiro’s got something to do with it, considering the weird way you reacted when I said his name. He’s usually…not really talkative, so maybe you just…misunderstood.”

“His message was pretty clear, I’m afraid”, Goro replied bitterly, his brows furrowed in anger.

Ren winced. _Whoops, accidentally set off a landmine._

Ann was still confused. “Who’s…Sojiro?” “He’s the owner of the café”, Goro replied before Ren could get a word in, “And…he doesn’t want me near Ren. That much is clear.”

Ann made a concerned noise, while Ren grew more and more puzzled. “What? Why on earth would he not want you near, Goro?”

Goro could not keep the resentment out of his voice. “Well, you’re so lucky, Ren, for having such a loving foster father that you don’t even realize the extent he’d go for you. Though…I can’t hate him, really. His reasoning was just- and it’s his establishment, after all. He decides who lives there and who doesn’t. I have no rights to go back.”

There was a concerned silence settling in the vast living room.

“Do you want to stay here, for the time being?” Ann asked, the same moment that Ren declared: “I can tell Futaba to send me the file and- try to listen in? I mean, I can’t imagine him saying something like that-”

“If you can’t imagine why on earth he’d try to keep the offspring of the world’s biggest son of a bitch away from his child- _especially_ if he himself and his other child have already had quite the bad history with that bastard- well, you’re dumber than I credited you for, Ren.”

As much as Goro wanted, he couldn’t just turn off the animosity in his voice- a part of him was jealous Ren had someone like that- while the other was angry why Ren was acting so dumbly. Did he really not realize why it would be very realistic of Sojiro to go to certain lengths, or did he just…not want to?

The detective crossed his arms in a pouting manner- the romantic feelings he had previously harbored for Ren, that had clouded his head in a pleasant manner- fleeted away like a flower petal carried off by the winds.

“Akechi, I still don’t-“

“Ann, wait, please.”

Ren slipped off the couch, planting himself next to Goro. He didn’t lean in or drew Goro in a hug- merely their shoulders were touching, and yet, even that single touch felt like a bucket of cold water thrown over Goro’s boiling anger.

“Goro. Please. The snippets you present me- don’t make sense to me at all. What does Shido have to do with all this? And…Sojiro? I’m not trying to defend Sojiro’s actions, I promise- I just…I’m missing something.”

Ann held herself back, to both the boys’ credits- she merely watched in silence as Goro sighed, de-crossed his arms and blindly sneaked a hand over to grab Ren’s and intertwine them again. Ann wasn’t even sure whether he did that consciously or not.

She supposed it didn’t matter, anyway.

Goro talked on, quietly.

He explained what had happened in the most non-biased way possible- how Sojiro had conversed with him, only to drop the bomb that he was sure Goro’s father was responsible for Futaba’s mother’s death- with a short explanation for Ann who Futaba was- and that he’d pleaded to Goro not to mix Ren up in any trouble.

He only briefly brushed over the topic that he’d often heard similar things back when he was still passed around from foster home to foster home- and from the pained expression in Ann and Ren’s faces, they probably got the gist of it, anyway.

“That’s why I left”, the brunet concluded, seeming impossibly small now.

There was a solemn silence.

“So that’s why you were talking about losing me and not being allowed to have me, huh.” A hand sneaked around Goro’s waist, but he didn’t swat it away- the warmth felt comforting.

“Yes. I know it was very irrational of me to leave without gathering anything, but…” A weak laugh escaped Goro’s lips. “I suppose after having run from place to place in the last few months- heck, my entire life- I stopped seeing the point in packing. Besides, all the stuff I use is yours, anyway, Ren- the only thing that sticks with me is the stupid suit that has been tailored to make me look like the pristine Detective Prince for appearance sake. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“This is- so unfair!” Ann yelled, jumping up to her feet. Her pretty face was scrunched up in displeasure, her pale skin turned red from anger- catching both boys off guard again.

“What the hell- you’ve- you’ve never harmed a fly in your life, Akechi-“

_Right, so that’s a lie…_

“-And yet, that bastard- Shido- he ruins _everything!_ He’s the one who did bad things! He’s at fault for ruining any chance of you enjoying your life because he keeps using you like his stupid puppet, and doesn’t even flinch back from using violence! What the hell- why is that sick person allowed to wander the streets and- and show his face as some sort of do-gooder- while you’re stuck with wiping up his shit?! Suffering in the consequences of his actions, and yet unable to say anything because he just has too many connections to cover his shit up! What kind of bullshittery is this?!”

She was fuming. A part of Goro was sort of touched for her to show so much concern and anger on his behalf- yet he had a hunch this was closely related to her mysterious hate of criminals she once hinted at.

Ren was the one who got her back to her feet. “As much as…it touches my heart to see you show concern for Goro like this, I don’t think yelling and getting worked up is what’s going to help him right now. If you know what I mean?”

“Oh- right. I’m sorry.” She deflated, falling back onto the couch with an apologetic expression. “I- look, things like this…trigger me really easily, that’s all.”

“This is related to what you told me a few days ago, isn’t it? When you said you’d have to wait for Ryuji to make up with me.”

Ann nodded tiredly. “Yeah, though…I guess there will never be a proper opportunity to explain this with him. I can…explain now, if you’d like. But it’s rather heavy a story- and not really interesting. It’s just…ever since then, I’ve had this rage inside me for criminals like Shido- or Kamoshida, for that matter- for exploiting and using innocent people like that. As if- as if their lives didn’t _mean_ anything. But that’s also not what tonight is about, and it’s really late- have you guys even decided where you’re staying for the night? The offer still stands, if you overheard- you can easily grab one of the guest rooms and sleep over.”

Ren threw a glance towards the brunet in his arms, snuggled close to his chest. Goro looked so tired- sick and tired of the world, and yet- continued to fight and battle his way through.

An odd sense of pride surged in Ren.

“Babe, what do you think?”

“I know I can’t be a coward forever. And not returning to Leblanc is sort of not an option, since I left my papers there-“ “Oh, but we could have Morgana pick them up for you!”

Puzzled, Goro craned his neck upwards to meet the blonde’s gaze. “He’s gonna come running at your beck and call, won’t he?” “Yep, and if I promise him a kiss on the cheek for his efforts, you bet he’s gonna be swooning for the rest of the week. I feel bad for using him like that, because he’s just- really not my type, buuuuut…I mean, he gets a little something in return and- well, no harm done, right?”

“Morgana was who again?” “The dude with the blue hair sitting next to the artist- Yusuke.” “Ahhh…I vaguely remember. He’s the one with the license and the car, right?”

Ann nodded.

“So, if there was a way to grant him access to the café- and tell him what to look for- I bet he wouldn’t mind picking your stuff up. And you could spend the night here!”

The offer was tempting.

“What do you think?”

Goro sighed, melting into the arms sneaking around his waist and pulling him closer. “Aren’t you sick and tired of having to follow me everywhere all the time, Ren?”

The barista chuckled lowly. “I’d follow you to the ends of the world if that meant you felt at ease for even one night.” “That dedication is gonna fire back on you one day, you are aware?”

“But we’re not talking about one day, Goro. We’re talking about the present. And if using a nice guy and a girl’s charm provides you more rest than returning to Leblanc- I’m up for it.”

“You’re way too whipped, you know?”

There was a smile hidden away in Ren’s kiss he pressed against Goro’s forehead. “Well, I’m getting the best possible thing on earth in return, don’t I?”

“And what would that be?”

“You.”

Goro groaned, the same moment Ann made her presence known again by a faked cough- gee, that couple was sappy.

But also cute. Very cute.

Goro blushed as he realized how stupid the two of them must look in front of Ann.

“Besides…we’ve had another heavy talk tonight. I feel like they’re never ending- Ann still has one in draft, too, doesn’t she? Hopefully that’ll be the last of it and we can just- put all the heavy stuff behind us.” Ren yawned. “We can think of a plan of how to bring down Shido starting tomorrow- or the weekend, for that matter- we both need some rest. I’ll definitely tell Futaba we’re going to be abusing her powers soon.”

At that, Ann perked up. “Bring down Shido?”

“Ah, shit- sorry, Goro-“

“It’s fine.” Goro closed his eyes, basking in Ren’s shared body warmth- he sort of felt like a vampire, sapping away on Ren over and over without offering anything in return- but he promised himself that one day, he’d bring Ren happiness, and not trouble- so much happiness it would make up for the messy hijinks Goro was always pulling him in these days.

When he’d also atoned for his crimes.

“I don’t really mind if she knows. You offered to be my voice once, right? Well, go ahead- tell her what you want. I’m a little tired- please allow me some rest.”

Goro felt Ren’s heart skip a beat when he said that, and he smiled to himself.

Foolish idiot.

_My foolish idiot._

“Well…it’s like this, Ann…Shido is probably going to try and kill Goro- if not me as well- or you, for that matter. The psychopath is very unpredictable. And he’s responsible for the fear ingrained in Goro’s bones- I don’t think someone like that should be allowed to run around and inflict pain on Goro- or any human- for any longer.”

“Kill Akechi?” Ann’s voice had dropped to a whisper, unbelieving of what she’d heard.

“I don’t want to elaborate- I think…it was very difficult for him to admit that, anyway. He should still be the one to tell you about the rest himself.” Ren’s fingers ran soothingly through the mop of brown hair in his arms, scratching lightly on Goro’s scalp- making the brunet sigh in return, relaxing further.

“If you want to be part of this- I want to be sure you won’t turn your back on him. Sure, there are a few things Goro still hasn’t told you about- and that I won’t tell you- but if you want to be part of the squad that kills the vermin in this world- well, I need your loyalty for that. Besides…judging from your passionate hate speech from earlier, I doubt you’d resent him for the actions he was forced to do- or willingly decided to do, in his opinion.”

Ann didn’t answer for a while- and Goro couldn’t see her reaction as his eyes were already closed, lulled in by Ren’s warmth more and more- even further when he begun to talk again.

“I can tell you he might have done some…morally grey things. And it’s not a secret he’s been living for revenge and hate- which isn’t what one should strive for at all. But you know what?”

Goro felt the soft pressure of a kiss on his temple.

“I’m willing to stick by him. Are you?”

The blonde hesitated- but then she nodded so fervently, Ren was afraid her head might fall off. “Count me in! I’m all for it! And I’m not going to sit by and watch my friend be killed off by some political psychopath. Besides…I think none of my friends are going to stand for that. And we’ll need all the help we can get, right? How about-“ Ann let out a yawn. “-Tomorrow…we talk about it to the others? Frankly, I’m a little terrified of taking up a war with such a dangerous figure, but…I won’t stand by and let anyone get hurt any longer!”

Ren sent a smile her way. “Sounds good. I don’t know how Goro will feel about getting everyone involved, but…This isn’t the usual run-of-the-mill criminal we could just put behind bars by calling the police. Things would certainly be much easier if they were.”

Ren twirled Goro’s silky hair around his fingers.

“Anyway…It’s getting really late, and we still need Goro’s stuff and some pajamas and everything. If you don’t mind us staying over- would you call that Morgana friend of yours? If it isn’t too much trouble, maybe he could just take me with him- I think I can pick up the things Goro and I need much faster than if we give Morgana a description.”

Ann sent a glance towards Goro.

“Don’t worry- I’ll just throw him onto the couch or the bed, whatever you can offer, and he’s going to be fine. He’s not _that_ dependent on me. He just- likes to be spoiled and showered in attention these days, as far as I can tell.”

The model crossed her arms, a wry smile on her lips. “And you _love_ to spoil him, don’t you?”

A boyish grin was all she got in return. She rolled her eyes, searching for her phone that was lost somewhere in her huge apartment- the night still wasn’t quite over yet.

But at least, things were looking better now.

***

Ann really had to take a picture of a snuggling, half-asleep Goro who clung to Ren’s body like a koala. Fine, the whole thing _did_ look adorable to the max. But she also felt really sorry for taking a picture of Goro without his knowledge.

Though, from the cooing sounds Ren made as he got his phone back and immediately set the picture as his wallpaper, he would know soon enough.

She just hoped he wouldn’t be too angry about it. At least Morgana and Ren would go to sleep looking like lovestruck fools tonight.

Ren informed the blonde he’d probably whip up breakfast for him and Goro at an impossible early hour, but if she wanted, he could prepare food for her as well- and she was impressed at how easily he whipped out a healthy meal that didn’t include a lot of carbohydrates and fat.

Guy was a keeper for sure.

But she also told him she’d prefer waffles with chocolate sauce, which left him stunned and her laughing as she retreated to her room.

Thank fuck for her great genetics that allowed her to eat whatever she wanted, and keep her model figure with minimal effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have a weak spot for letting Goro suffer and make it up with fluff again. Lol.  
> ALSO IT'S THE FIRST TIME REN SAYS HE LOVES GORO fgfabdsjhfsdjfhs and also Goro's first time getting CLOSE to saying but no one knows except Ann yet...  
> Also Ren and Goro are helpless romantics and Ren is just HDNFNFHFH  
> also props to Akira for once I guess...  
> Lemme know what you thought of this! Love to hear about your thoughts in the morning, and my eyes are burning and hurting from editing this, so this is it for today.....see you guys tomorrow!


	39. The hammer of Judgement could be an ally; or could she be a curse?

“We’ll go back to Leblanc once you finish with work, okay?”

Goro was still trying to devour his sandwich when Ren casually struck up conversation. Ann was still asleep, and though very weird and somewhat intruding, Ren and Goro had prepared their breakfast in the kitchen as if it had been their own home.

Speaking of.

Goro slowly chewed down the piece of dry bread, and he averted his eyes- focusing on the omelet on Ren’s plate instead.

“Well…I suppose I can’t run away forever.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. We can just go and pick up the rest of our stuff to move over to my apartment.”

_Our stuff, huh._

Mildly surprised, Goro looked up. Ren saw that as a cue to continue. “I just want to let Sojiro know before I disappear for a bit. Disappear is the wrong word, though. And I respect your decision if you don’t want to share any more details on what he said- but I still don’t believe he outright told you to leave like that.”

Goro pinched the crease forming on his forehead. “I think it was very clear what he wanted to express.”

Ren, however- as always- remained undeterred. “Well, do you wanna tell him?”

“What?” Goro must be hearing things. Was Ren insinuating…?

Ren shrugged nonchalantly. “It sounded like the whole Isshiki-thing weighs heavily on your mind. If you want to, you should just tell him everything- and Futaba, for that matter. Maybe it will help you ease the burden on your shoulders?”

“How on earth would you even think of such an outrageous idea? You want me to tell your foster family ‘Oh, hey, I helped killing your mother a while ago! Sorry about that- life sucks sometimes’- or what?! Because it sure damn hell sounds like it! And I doubt Sojiro’s sympathy for me will rise once I tell him what a helpful little aide I was in covering up Isshiki’s death.”

“Don’t get angry, Goro. Sooner or later- you know the truth will worm its way out whether you want it or not. Especially if we put Shido on trial- he’s definitely not going to spare you, or your own self-righteousness will end up in you confessing to helping him, anyway. If the reason that keeps you away from Leblanc is connected to the fact that you can’t look Sojiro or Futaba in the face anymore without them knowing who you really are and what role you played- well, why not just lay the truth bare?”

“They’ll tear you away from me.”

_And I wouldn’t even blame them._

_But I would spit fire._

“Not if I have a word in it. Besides…we’ll definitely need Futaba’s help to investigate Shido’s crimes. Wouldn’t it be easier if our best asset willingly knew whom she was helping or not? I know you’re gonna beat yourself up for using her if she doesn’t know.”

Goro huffed. “What makes you think I’d give a rat’s shit about that?”

“Because, frankly, you’re terrible at acting like you don’t give a shit about people. Or at least- people you think that matter. Goro…you would have told Sojiro to suck it up and mind his own business when he told you to leave me if you thought he was irrelevant and unreasonable- you’ve never been the type to bow down to people and back off just because someone else’s wishes don’t line up with your own. But you didn’t. Because you deemed him as someone that was important- who had a kind heart and didn’t want to be hurt anymore, similar to you.”

“Oh, I have a kind heart now? That’s news to me.”

“Shut up for a second, babe. Look-“ Ren ran a hand through his hair. “Just…think about it, okay? If you wanna confront them with the truth, I think it’ll let you focus more on your goal of taking down Shido- but if you don’t, I understand. We can also just waltz into Leblanc, grab our stuff and leave again. Whatever you prefer.”

Goro’s expression was sullen now. “Why do you keep offering me ideas how to solve my shit out? That’s still my own business to solve, don’t you think?” “Yes- which is why I also told you I’d understand if you said no. My lips are sealed- I don’t kiss and tell, Goro.”

Ren smiled wryly, but it did little to alleviate the ball of anxiety churning in Goro’s stomach now. In a way, maybe it would make things easier if he came clean to Sojiro and Futaba- he had been ready to face condemnation for his actions ever since he begun aiding that son of a bitch, anyway.

And a part of Goro also believed it would be easier on his conscience if Futaba knew. Because she was, after all, a major asset in finding evidence against his father- if she aided him even despite the knowledge of who he was and what he’d done, at least he’d feel less…like an asshole.

But this shouldn’t be about him. This shouldn’t be about making him feel better- he didn’t deserve that.

“You deserve it, Goro”, the boy sitting next to him whispered, a fond look in his eyes. “You _do_ deserve to feel less guilty, no matter what you think. Even if you’re not even searching for redemption or forgiveness. So take the chance if you feel like it- no matter how selfish you think it is. So what if you don’t confess because of the ‘right reasons’ like giving Sojiro and Futaba answers? They should listen to your story before judging. And after that, I’m sure they’re going to be willing to give everything to become your ally in our upcoming fight.”

_No, you’re the one willing to give me everything I want._

_I hate you so much for that._

“Besides…who knows? Maybe Sojiro even has stuff that could help us? Some evidence he collected in the last few years?”

Goro sighed. “I’ll think about it. Should we meet up in front of the precinct? That would make more sense than waiting for you to arrive in front of Leblanc.” “Oh, sure. Just text me once you’re almost finished- like half an hour, an hour earlier- and I’ll try to finish up whatever I’m doing. I think I only have a shift at the flower shop and- the 777 today. Oh, maybe the beef bowl shop, too-“

“The amount and diversity of part-time you jobs you juggle never cease to amaze me.”

Ren laughed.

***

It had been a mistake to meet up with Ren in front of the precinct.

Though, technically, they didn’t meet up in the precint precinct area, but an alleyway of some sort, shielded from curious eyes.

And Ren wasn’t the reason Goro was regretting his life decisions.

It was Sae.

Somehow, Goro had accidentally let it slip his boyfriend was going to pick him up when she caught him secretly typing under the table- and now she was determined to meet the mysterious boy who men and women fell for left and right.

Because she sort of didn’t know Goro wasn’t dating _Akira_ anymore.

Goro felt a headache incoming. Uff. How would he even begin to explain? No fucking way would he let Sae walk out of this by thinking Ren was Akira. He was not going to do that. Nope.

He was still wracking his brain to try and come up with some sort of explanation without having to bare his whole life story when the two of them had already reached the meet up.

Fuck, Ren looked gorgeous.

He was casually leaning back on a wall, clandestine tight grey jeans and a loose white shirt accentuating his figure perfectly. It was a stark contrast to how jumbly he looked this morning in his pajamas and his messy bed hair. Speaking of- it was as tame as his hair could be, with a few strands falling into Ren’s face, and Goro felt the unexplainable urge to tug them out of the way.

Ren was frowning at the phone he was holding in his hand, and he didn’t seem to have realized that Goro had arrived until Goro cleared his throat, greeting him in what curious eyes must deem a ‘friendly way’.

Ren immediately whipped his head up, his eyes softening as he took in Goro’s appearance, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips- a breathless ‘Hey, Goro’ escaped him, and though Goro had _no_ idea what on earth had made Ren all emotional, he felt his own heart squeeze in retaliation for the hug he’d probably receive if they were in more private quarters.

Ren’s eyes then fell onto the taller woman at Goro’s side, dressed in a grey suit. She greeted him with a smile.

“You must be the infamous one that stole a certain Detective’s heart.”

Ren seemed a bit confused, but his smile didn’t falter as he approached the two of them. “Oh? Did Goro say that? He’s usually very tight-lipped when it comes to us. So who might you be, if I may ask?”

“I’m Sae Nijima. Makoto’s older sister, actually- I’ve been working with Akechi since he was way younger than this. But really…You let him call you by your first name? Must be quite the special one indeed, then. I’ve never been granted the privilege of your first name, Akechi.”

The brunet grumbled something under his breath, and it was drowned out by Ren’s chuckles. “You should pardon him for that. He can be a bit shy sometimes.”

“Oh, I am well aware. I had to force him to finally be able to meet you though- I’ve heard countless stories from Makoto of course, but still…Somehow, you’re different from what I imagined. In Makoto’s stories, you seemed much bubblier. Can’t say I dislike you like this, either, though.”

Ren furrowed his brows. “Oh-“

“That’s because this is not Akira, the one who goes to the same college as me. This is his twin brother- Ren.”

Sae was taken aback. “Oh- I apologize. He- had a twin brother? But I was under the impression that-“

“Whatever your impression was, it was wrong. Akira is not the one who I’m- pursuing a relationship with. Not anymore, at least.”

Goro remained tight-lipped as an awkward silence settled in. Both Sae and Ren were a bit confused, unsure on how to handle the situation- and Goro wasn’t willing to share anything else.

“Sorry about his somewhat rough behavior, Miss Nijima. It’s sort of a complicated story- I guess you could say I seduced him away from my brother, if that helps. But, as far as introductions go- my name is Ren Amamiya. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Goro had never seen Sae’s eyebrows rise _that_ high. “Oh? I see. Well, that…Um.”

“You could say I’m a notorious thief. Or a criminal, that is. Don’t worry- me and Akira still get along great.” “You didn’t seduce me, Ren. Stop explaining things in such a ridiculous way.” “Hey, it’s the truth, isn’t it?” “No. The situation was completely different.”

Sae was at a loss. “So…” She massaged her temples. “This…is your partner now?”

Goro nodded the same instant Ren replied: “Partner in crime and in matters of the heart.”

It earned him a light swat on the shoulder, but he only laughed it off.

“Actually, Miss Nijima… This is quite the opportunity. Would you allow me a question?”

Sae nodded, and the younger man continued, a sparkle in his eyes. “You work in the criminal and law affiliated area. How would you deal with injustice and corruption taking place?”

Well that was a topic change if Sae ever heard of one. Unsure at what the younger man was playing at, she replied honestly: “Obviously I will do my utmost to clear it out. I am a pursuer of justice- similar to Akechi. I won’t stand by and let victims suffer under unjust laws or rules.”

“And would you risk your life and job if it meant taking someone evil down?”

The prosecutor furrowed her brows. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Evil is always a view of perspective, after all. And it is not my job to judge and decide between evil or good- merely to bring the hammer of justice upon those who disobey or use the law against its original purpose: protecting the innocent and establishing a fair and just society. Among other things.”

Her answer pleased the young man, for his smile shone brighter- while Goro’s expression only darkened.

Momentarily, that was.

“Well, it seems like you’re someone I could keep in the back of my mind if I ever found myself in trouble, right, Miss Nijima?”

“Oh, you shouldn’t even _try_ to get into any bad business, my dear. I’ll be merciless towards anyone and anything threatening the law.” She crossed her arms, amused by the cheeky grin Ren threw her.

_Quite the interesting young man, I suppose. Rather straight-forward- doesn’t beat around the bush. I like it._

“Me? Never, Miss Nijima. I would be way too afraid of meeting your hammer-“ “Urgh, enough of your nonsense, Ren. We should take our leave.” “You were the one who made me jealous by bringing along your beautiful coworker.”

Goro squawked- a rather undignified noise, one Sae had never seen him slip out in public. “ _Excuse_ me? She’s- my coworker! Why would you be jealous of that?!”

A pout drew onto the raven’s lips. “Well, you’ve never really told me about her- or told her about me, that is. And you hid what a beautiful woman she is, too. Is there a reason for it?”

As Goro fell into some sort of ridiculous explanation, a chuckle escaped Sae’s lips. She could tell upon a glance the raven was teasing Goro- and Goro fell for the trap willingly.

It was a shame she still hadn’t gotten to know this Akira person, but Ren certainly seemed interesting enough.

“Miss Nijima, you’re free to drop by for a coffee on the house on my next shift- I’ll gladly serve you a cup or more in exchange for some stories about workplace-Goro.”

“Coffee? Oh, that sounds like a deal I could agree to. Where do you work at?”

“He’s…actually working at Leblanc. The place you recommended me once upon a time.”

Both Sae and Ren gasped. Ren was the first to raise his voice again. “She’s our love cup-“

Goro smothered the rest of his words in the hand he threw upon Ren’s lips, and he growled angrily.

Though he looked more embarrassed than angry if you took note of the pink cheeks.

“Stop spluttering nonsense, Ren!”

Sae hummed. “I see. I was under the impression only Sojiro Sakura ran the café.“ As the name fell from her lips, both of the boys’ attention focused on her.

“How do you know that name?” Goro asked.

Of course, you could argue knowing the name of the café owner wasn’t exactly unusual- but Sojiro wasn’t a talkative person. And his name wasn’t written anywhere in the café, either. Goro doubted he’d ever casually let his full name slip in front of a woman, no less someone who wasn’t one of his regulars.

This was odd.

Especially because Sae seemed to stiffen.

A sigh escaped the woman’s lips. “I could say I frequent the café often, but that’s a rather bold lie. Let’s just say…it’s also a bit complicated. I know he makes good coffee, though, so that’s why I recommended you that place- it’s sort of a good place to escape from noisy reporters and curious bystanders.”

Goro’s alarm bells went off. He let Ren pry his hand off his mouth, and the raven dared to ask another question. “Did you have _any other_ intention besides granting Goro some good coffee, then? Tried to…lure out some information from either Goro or Sojiro?”

Sae bristled. “No! No, that was definitely not it. If anything- I could have provided information, but he refused interest- well, that’s all in the past, anyway.” She sighed. “I apologize. There’s nothing more I would like to add to this old story- and you have somewhere to go to, correct?”

She flashed them a smile, quickly bidding her goodbye and making an exit before either of them could stop her.

Ren cast a glance in Goro’s direction. The brunet had narrowed his eyes, and he could practically _feel_ the storm brewing in that pretty head of his.

“Whatever her deal with Boss is, we have other things to focus on, Goro. We can always try and pry whatever she’s hiding out some other time. If it bothers you, that is. But hey, at least she doesn’t seem to be a bad person- and she was clear about her intentions. So don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Goro.”

The detective put a hand on his chin, stroking it absent-mindedly. “I suppose you’re right. She had many opportunities to ask me about Leblanc once she grew aware of the fact that I visited it more frequently- but she never inquired about it. If she had a goal in mind…she’d be doing a lousy job at executing it, I guess.”

“I love it when you get in deduction-mode like that. It makes you really hot.”

Goro growled a quiet ‘Shut up’ before briskly walking off- leaving a protesting Ren behind him. “Hey! Don’t leave me like that!”

_I could never._

Blegh. Goro was disgusted of how…struck he was.

Lovestruck, that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be back on our angsty train business with the next chapter ;) ~  
> and woooo, more secrets? What is Sae hiding?  
> Oh, and btw: I think this is due to being inspired by all you guys commenting, because it's really driving me to serve the best I can, but I woke up with THIS REALLY STRONG URGE TO ADD SOMETHING I TOTALLY DIDN'T WRITE IN THE DRAFT I KEEP POSTING. It's not all that long, but the scene was very important, and I sort of blurred that away in the fic?? So I might not be able to post as much as usual because that mini scene really wouldn't let me go and I had/have to write it lmao. Hopefully, you guys like it as much as I do, because I think IT WAS A CRIME NOT TO WRITE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE (I just forgot tbh ahahahha). Needless to say, that extra something will only show up much later in the story, but I'll be sure to remind you and thank you for inspiring me to write that out xD


	40. The Hierophant and The Oracle are challenged by the Fool; he who risks it all, will he lose and win in turn?

Goro was surprised the sign was turned to ‘Closed’ when they arrived at the café. It was still early evening- the café would usually be open for its patrons, flimsy as they were.

Ren held him back before he could enter. “I told Futaba and Sojiro to close the café early cuz I needed to talk to them. Like I said, no pressure on you to admit to anything- if you feel like it, you have a good opportunity. And if it goes terribly wrong, I’m gonna grab our bags and run away as fast as lightning.”

The barista flashed him a grin. “I’ll tell them I’m gonna be staying over at my own place for a while, and I wanted to sort of give them a semi-goodbye because I intend to take less shifts at Leblanc as well. Information and evidence gathering will take time, after all- and Leblanc’s the easiest job I could cut some time off on without risking to be fired. Not like I really need a lot of money now that Akira’s cut me off, but…it’s always good to keep the flow incoming.”

He scratched the back of his head. “So, are we…okay? Ready for this?”

Goro knew the question on the tip of his tongue was one he’d repeat over and over again.

And he was also very sure of what Ren would reply.

“Why would you go so far for me? I’m not worth-“

“You are”, Ren cut him off, determination blazing in his eyes like fire. “You are worth a lot of things, Goro. This is just one of them. And I’ll tell you over and over again, until you can believe it. That you’re worth it.”

Of course that was what the fool was going to say.

And somehow, Goro doubted his answer would change even in a few years into the future.

He nodded.

“Okay. I’m…ready.”

He was, in fact, not. Talking about _that_ dark splotch in his life was terrifying- especially considering _whom_ he was going to talk about it to. Dealing with forged suicides on paper was one thing- meeting the people who had been left behind by the dead another. Goro’s heart was already puckering wildly as if in anticipation of what was going to come.

Surprised, Goro realized he was already thinking ahead of what was going to happen after he confessed- and didn’t ponder over the question whether he should do this in the first place or not.

Well, that was.

Surprising.

Must be Ren’s reckless influence.

Goro sighed. So this was happening, apparently. Well, he’d do this as fast as possible.

And buy Ann ice cream afterwards, like he’d promised her this afternoon.

***

Sojiro was reading newspapers- as always- while Futaba was playing on some sort of gaming console, too deeply fascinated by whatever was happening on-screen than to look up when the jingle of the door chimed.

Sojiro did, however. “Welcome back”, he grumbled, his eyes falling upon Ren first- before narrowing his eyes slightly when they fell upon the boy trailing in behind him.

Goro nodded instead of greeting the older man, and Ren quickly explained what his business had been about in the first place. Though, instead of giving ‘intel gathering’ as his main reason for off time, it became ‘spending more time with my newfound friends’.

“Geeeeez, and for that, you made me leave my precious consoles behind?! Reeeeeeeenren, you owe me another game for that!” “As far as I can see, you’re still gaming.” “But this is- a compromise! This isn’t serious! We had this discussion before!”

The ginger haired girl threw a fleeting glance towards Goro, before quickly focusing on the console again. “I see you brought your lover back, too. You two are quite some lovebirds, huh? I bet a hundred anime figurines you’re asking for time off because you actually want to indulge in your sweet little romance. I’ve read enough Yaois and Dojinshis to know that!”

Ren grinned bashfully. “Well, nothing wrong with it, is it?”

“Spare us the details”, Sojiro huffed. “You know you’ll have to make up for the time you’re on leave as soon as you decide to come back, you know? My old bones can barely take care of myself and this hyper-ball, after all.” “I’m not hyper! Just energetic! Nooooooo, my character died!!!!”

Sojiro sighed, and Ren laughed as he made his way upstairs, leaving Goro behind.

This was probably his cue to talk if he wanted.

_Well, here goes nothing._

“You told me to stay away from Ren if staying close meant involving him in danger.”

Immediately, Sojiro’s attention snapped to the brunet standing awkwardly in the middle of the café. He cast the newspapers away- and Futaba threw a confused look in their direction, pausing her game as the atmosphere changed to a hostile one.

“Well, I suppose I understand where you’re coming from. Any parent wishes to protect their child- or should, I assume. I’m afraid I don’t know- much about that.”

_I only ever know how much my parents didn’t want me._

Sojiro crossed his arms, and an intimidating look replaced his usual calm, almost bored-looking face.

Futaba let the game remain on pause.

“What are you getting at, kid?”

Goro heard the blood rush in his ears.

“I just- I-“ Goro’s mouth opened and closed like a fish not understanding how to breathe underwater, and he felt stupid for hesitating. But something about that stare was _really_ intimidating.

Maybe it was the fact that Goro wasn’t sure how to scale paternal anger when it was about _protecting_ someone, and not hitting them to death.

He was about to find out.

“Wakaba Isshiki was indeed murdered by none other than Masayoshi Shido. And I helped him cover it up.”

Futaba’s console clattered onto the table.

A cold sweat broke out on Goro’s neck. His fight-and-fly instincts kicked in, though it focused rather heavily on the ‘fly’ section now.

“If this is a joke, you better stop now. Immediately.”

Sojiro’s tone was murderous.

“I’m afraid I don’t joke about things like these. She wasn’t the only one, if it helps. She was the first-“

“Shut up _.”_

Goro didn’t know if he preferred the eerie calm voice to the expected screams and yells he had anticipated.

He supposed it didn’t matter.

Sojiro had turned around the counter- laid a hand on Futaba’s cowering body. She was shaking.

The elderly man took a deep breath- the look he casted towards Futaba was full of so much paternal love Goro couldn’t _stand_ it- he was about to give in to the evil voice in his mind whispering _What does she have that you don’t?_

 _-_ before he reminded himself that Ren was still upstairs somewhere.

“I would kindly ask you to leave. Right now. And- don’t return. Never, actually. I don’t want to see the face of a murderer near my children _ever_ again.”

“Oh, so I’m a murderer now? You don’t even know the full story yet. How could you judge me before listening to it all first? I’m sure you would find the details interesting.”

Goro’s bravado had never been more fake and shallow than in this exact moment.

Sojiro didn’t scream or yell at him. Calmly- while drawing Futaba in a cautious hug- he cast a glance towards Goro.

The look in his eyes was void of any emotion. It hit Goro harder than one full of hate and rage- he had expected that. He _knew_ those feelings.

He was not prepared for that look.

Or the words following after.

“I don’t need to listen to the words of a murderer’s son. You’re the same blood- and you helped that scumbag. That makes you the same kind- the same sleazy liar that he is. It’s a shame Ren is too blind to see that.”

Fuck.

_Fuck._

How had Goro _ever_ believed this was a good idea? How had he ever foolishly believed that either one of the Sakura’s would be willing to- listen to him? If he knew his mother had been murdered by someone, and an aide of the murderer would boldly find his way on Goro’s doorstep-

-Goro wouldn’t even think twice before pulling the trigger on his gun.

“I’m not the same blood. I’m not like him. I’m not the same! He’s the bastard here! Don’t you get it?! I want to kill him as much as you do- I want him much more dead and whimpering on the ground than you do! Every _day_ I thought about ripping my body in two just to be able to drain myself of that cursed bastard corrupting my veins! It’s not my fault that that fucking woman had to die! It’s not my fault I had to decide whether to forge a report and make the world believe a woman committed suicide or die alongside her- what would have been the point of that outcome?”

As agitated as Goro was, he realized there was little to no sense in defending himself. People believed what they wanted to believe- and there was no way to sway them from it.

Why had he even attempted to tell them about his past in the first place? What had been the point?

Whatever he had attempted to do, it was pointless- his reckless actions just turned this whole situation into an even bigger mess than before.

Goro knew when he was unwanted.

And right then and there, under the scrutinizing glare of Sojiro, who patted Futaba awkwardly on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her- he knew it was his cue to leave.

“Whatever. This was- a dumb idea from the start.” Goro clenched his fists- and felt himself draw blood when Sojiro continued to try and calm his foster daughter down in a soothing, caring manner.

“Leave.”

Goro didn’t need to be told twice.

He turned on his heel and barreled out- he heard someone trample down the stairs and Sojiro mumble something like ‘We need to talk, kid…’.

Goro didn’t care enough to wait for Ren. There wasn’t anything he could say, anyway.

And since the door to Leblanc didn’t barrel open in return either, it seemed like Ren’s priorities lay differently too.

The detective tried to ignore the stab of pain in his chest.

***

Before he knew it, his feet had taken him to a place that was both unfamiliar as it was oddly comforting.

It wasn’t night yet, but the evening cool had already set, so the playground was awfully empty. There might have been a few passersby strolling through the park, but they didn’t pay attention to anything besides themselves.

Goro sat down on the seesaw, swinging one of his legs to the other side of the mostly wooden thing, and the construction made a slight creaking noise as it folded under his weight and hit the ground with a loud thump.

For a while, his head was thankfully empty. He kept staring at the other end of the seesaw, hanging up in the air, mocking him silently.

_A seesaw doesn’t work without someone tagging along, Goro. You won’t have a lot of fun if you play with it by yourself._

The memory was fuzzy- even more so the voice saying it. Goro wasn’t sure if he’d ever been to a playground with his mother- but if he was, the only person who could have said something like that to him must have been her.

_It’s a good thing you have me, at least. Try smiling more often! I think it’ll help the others see you’re not as scary as they think you are._

Well, smiling wasn’t something Goro had ever accommodated to.

He wondered what she’d say if he saw her today- saw what a bitter and spiteful person he’d become. If his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him in an effort to escape to a reality where he once had a caring family, she probably would have been utterly disappointed.

Because that was the only thing Goro was capable of, wasn’t he? Igniting anger and hate in other people.

As his feet remained uselessly on the ground, buckling and bouncing in the hopeful illusion the other end of the seesaw would come crashing down and catapult him into the air, Goro pondered over his earlier actions. Did he foolishly wish Sojiro to accept him- to slowly come to care for him the same way he had for Ren over the years? They had been strangers, after all, before developing a bond such as the one they shared today- maybe upon witnessing that, Goro had developed the foolish wish to participate in the same way.

Maybe he had believed Ren’s words when Ren told him they’d be understanding of his actions.

Well, that clearly didn’t work out.

Goro averted his eyes, opting to stare at his hands griping the metal handle. This was the, what, hundredth-time he was on the run again? Chased out of a place and wandered in the dark?

The occurring motive was becoming rather tiring.

Goro closed his eyes, resting his head on the cool metal bar.

What was the point of all this? When was the end going to come? Would there be an end? If he took down Shido, what would become of him afterward? Would he remain the pathetic little human being he was whenever Ren dragged him somewhere, igniting impossible wishes in him?

His body begun to feel a little funny- it felt like his legs were growing tired of the crouched position he was in, opting to stand up instead- and something was pressing against his groin rather persistently- slow as it was. The feeling became stronger and stronger, until he felt like his feet were lightly lifted off the ground- only slightly, really- it all felt a little similar to when he was a small kid and whipped on the seesaw, his body catapulted into the air and bubbles of laughter escaping his throat.

But for that to happen, someone else must have used their entire weight to crush down the other end of the seesaw that was high up in the air- not high enough that an adult wouldn’t be able to reach it, but a child?

With a startle, Goro threw his eyes open, only to be greeted with a very comical sight.

Of course.

Ren had used the entirety of his arm power to press down the other end of the seesaw- despite Goro, a full ass grown adult sitting on the other end of the wooden construction- and apparently must have run out of strength as he’d draped his entire upper body down the other end in an attempt to bring it down further.

Goro’s tiptoes were barely touching the ground anymore- but the other end where Ren was had already hit the ground, and it seemed like this was the highest position Goro would be lifted up into. In the end, this was made for kids not even half his height, after all.

Ren, even though he was draped over the seesaw like a man who’d accidentally collapsed on the wrong place, sent a grin his way. “I’m- starting to think you like these places, Goro”, he wheezed out a little breathlessly.

No wonder. Goro wasn’t helping in alleviating his weight, and yet Ren remained stubbornly over the seesaw, almost hitting his head on the sand under him- it must have taken all he had to keep the thing in its position.

“Or- maybe it’s the place, huh?”

It felt odd, to look down on Ren like this- sure, the construction barely lifted him higher than he was, but still- to see someone put in such an effort for a frankly rather useless action-

It made his heart ache.

“Uff!”

With a groan, Ren extracted himself from the seesaw- Goro felt his feet touch the ground again, and the wooden barrel hit the ground under him with a loud ‘thunk’.

Goro remained standing, stunned.

“Hey, you know what we should try? Drape your legs alongside the thing- maybe then it will feel a little more you’re actually flying. It’s a shame this thing’s meant for kids- they should build one for adults. No, wait- what if you built a playground for adults? Wait, that’s what theme parks are, right? Urgh. Anyway, go ahead already- put up your legs, Goro!”

The brunet lacked the words- and the ability- to form a coherent sentence, so he did as he was told. Or tried, really. It was a really awkward position- and Goro wasn’t sure he could even hold it for so long.

Ren draped himself over the other end again, and slowly, the seesaw lifted Goro up into the air- this time, he felt much lighter, the airy feeling of when he was a small child returning to him.

Up in the highest position, Ren’s hair was buried in the sand beneath him- he couldn’t even lift his head properly, but he still attempted to- absolutely wanting to catch a glimpse on the detective in the air.

“Uff- look, I have no idea how physics work, but I remember this was really easy in the past- wasn’t the seesaw supposed to distribute the weight or some shit? Why is this taking all of my- uff- power?”

Goro felt the seesaw slowly descend again, and when he felt the wood thump lightly against the ground, Ren detached himself from the construction and fell into the sand.

“Oh, shit, this was a heavier workout than- anything else I’ve done in the last few weeks.”

Goro remained quiet.

He heard someone chuckle- break out into a giggle, actually- and wondered what made Ren laugh so much when he realized it was he himself who produced the sounds.

“Goro?”

“Why do you- why do you always-“ Goro’s words were swallowed in another batch of splurging laughter. “Why do you always- always show up- and proceed to do the dumbest things?”

“Hey, they’re not dumb when they make you laugh- oh.”

He felt fingers rub his cheeks, and it was only then Goro realized he was crying simultaneously to laughing. When Ren had gotten up from dying on the ground, he didn’t even know- he was too transfixed on the weird sounds escaping his throat, and the reminiscent feeling of being lifted up into the air- he didn’t even understand why he was shedding tears in the first place.

“You’re not hurt, are you? I didn’t injure you with the seesaw, right?”

Goro tried shaking his head, but he was still laughing- and the tears were flooding down his cheeks now, slowly turning his laughter into choked sobs and gasps.

He buried his head in Ren’s chest- the guy was actually _kneeling_ for him in order for the two of them to be eye to eye since Goro was still sitting on the other end of the seesaw. Despite how exhausted he must have been from using up all his strength, Ren didn’t stop caressing Goro’s cheeks or pressing light kisses to where his tears came down in big chunks.

Whatever question Ren was about to pose was drowned in a desperate kiss Goro pressed to his lips.

When he drew back, Ren had a mesmerizing look in his eyes- or maybe it was just Goro’s brain tricking him into thinking like that.

“Why do you keep chasing me?”

Ren didn’t even hesitate when he answered.

“Because I love you, obviously? And as long as you want me back- which I’m sort of guessing – I won’t stop chasing you and dragging your ass back.”

“Where to?” Goro’s voice was a broken whisper, a shallow imitation of his usual self.

“Anywhere. Home?”

“I don’t have a home.”

“We can build a home wherever we want, Goro. So long as we stay together. A ‘home’ is not transfixed- nor is there a limit to the amount of its constructions. There’s this really cheesy saying that goes ‘Home is where the heart is’. I think that fits pretty well.”

_Well, my heart has been stolen away from me for sure._

_I didn’t even realize I had one left, actually. Ironic._

Ren seemed unsure what Goro’s silence meant. “A home…can also be a person.”

Goro snorted. “Be careful you don’t lean too far out of the window, or else you might fall.”

“Don’t tease me! I mean it.”

“You’re- impossible, you know that?”

The smile placed on Goro’s face was one of the most vulnerable ones he’d ever shown in years. His eyes were still glistening with tears, his brows furrowed together- the smile was shaky, in danger of falling off his face- but the expression he received in return would have quite certainly blown him of his feet had he not been sitting on a seesaw.

The kiss they shared made Goro feel even lighter than the feeling of soaring through the air.

_I suppose he just does that you._

“What happened after I…left?”

Ren went ahead and planted himself on the rest of the wooden seesaw, since his knees were starting to kill him.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly…pleasant. I was actually busy with packing stuff, so I didn’t hear how south things went until I heard Sojiro telling you to leave.” Ren winced at that, and it was odd- how Goro didn’t end up flinching this time around at the mention of the older man’s name.

“So I tried pursuing you, but uhhh…well, Futaba was sort of having a mental breakdown, and Sojiro was never good at getting her to snap out of it.”

Ren ruffled his hair before he leaned against Goro with a sigh.

“I admit now I should have maybe advised you to approach this differently. I actually thought she’d gotten better when it came to things handling about her mother, but…I guess I was severely mistaken.” The raven sighed.

 _“_ So I had to help her first, and Sojiro insisted I walk them home. After we made sure she was asleep, he gave me the expected speech- how I’m an adult and handle my own decisions, but how he wants me to know he doesn’t approve of ‘hanging around with someone as dangerous as that’. I told him to mind his own business and if he isn’t interested in listening to your story, well, that’s a load of crap- I reminded him how he mistreated me when I first came to Tokyo before he earned my trust and found out my whole backstory was bullshit. That got to him.”

Ren scratched his head. “Okay, maybe also because I got really mad and yelled at him. I’ve never yelled at him in years- and before you go all ‘Don’t go protecting me, I can fight my own wars’- well, this wasn’t exactly about you. I was disappointed to see- that he didn’t change, somehow. Or that I was the only exception he was willing to listen to, because that makes me view him in a really unfavorable light.”

“He told me he’s very old and tired from all this, though. And your story didn’t involve the death of…what even was his relationship to Isshiki?”

“Well, I don’t really know. Apparently, they were some sort of couple- in Futaba’s eyes at least. But neither of them ever initiated any sort of romantic approach, sooo…officially, they were close friends. Futaba always told her mother to get it together and tell Sojiro what she actually wanted…but her mother only ever laughed her off. But he isn’t Futaba’s actual father. Oddly, no one seems to know anything about that guy- Isshiki apparently refused to talk about that with Futaba or Sojiro.”

Ren shrugged as Goro laid a hand under his chin in a contemplative gesture. “Not like that really matters. He told me the same thing as you did- that he’s old and tired and just wishes to protect his family.”

The barista laid a hand on Goro’s own, the one that was still holding onto the metal handle. “Then I told him he’s a douchebag and a coward for never trying to face the truth of Isshiki’s murder. You can imagine how well that went.”

Goro snorted. “Why did you go that far?”

“I was angry, Goro- I didn’t perceive him as someone with such a stupid, narrowed circle of people he approves of and doesn’t. I told him that, too. Also reminded him of how he hated all the adults trying to use Futaba back then to verify Isshiki’s suicide- and how hypocritical it would be of him to hate on those people but not on others who are basically doing the same thing to _other_ children. As in- do you only care if it starts attacking your own family, but not others? Well, mixed with some more insults. At some point, he told me to go cool my head off. Which is when I tried to find you- and, well. Now that I didn’t have Futaba, I picked the first guess where you might have headed to- and I’m glad I found you here.”

There was a twinkle in Ren’s eyes as he winked at Goro. “You know, we should build a playground in our garden if we ever get around to building a house or something.”

“How very bold of you to assume I’d build a house with you, Ren.”

“Oh, it’s not bold.” Ren had an impish smile on his face as he tugged one of Goro’s stray hairs behind his ear. “I’m just gonna spend the rest of my life seducing you so hard, you’ll be begging me to build a house with you.”

“I’ll have you arrested for sexual abuse before that.”

Ren gasped. “Goro! You wouldn’t do that!”

Another laugh escaped the brunet. “Honestly…with you, I’m never sure of what I’ll end up doing anymore or not. You never cease to surprise me with your reckless actions.” Goro didn’t even know he could sound so fond.

“You know…under different circumstances, we could have been great rivals.”

Ren grinned. “Oh, yeah- rivals with enough sexual tension it’d set the world on fire. I’d be a really famous thief, stealing art and people’s hearts left and right. You’d be the guy they set on my track- to get me arrested. But you’d never succeed.”

While Goro hadn’t played at that, but more at what it would have been like if he and Ren would have visited the same schools or universities, he found the idea endearing. “Oh? How can you sound so sure? I’m sure I’d find my way to you- you wouldn’t even know I was on to your secret identity. Or even if you were- you like to play with fire so much, you wouldn’t back off either way.”

Goro leaned in closer, so that their noses bumped against each other. “Only playing with so much fire ends up burning you someday, I’m sure.”

There was a sultry undertone in Ren’s reply. “If burning myself meant playing with fire as hot as you are, I wouldn’t mind being incinerated.”

“You’re quite the idiot. If you ended in ashes, that’d automatically assure my win.”

“Didn’t know we were playing. What’s on stake in this little detective- thief game? You know I can’t go without a little gamble.”

A surge of confidence flashed through Goro- a mere second, and yet long enough for him to boldly answer: “Me. I’m at stake.”

Ren’s grin was wolfish. “Now _that’s_ something I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off, that’s for sure.”

The next playful insult was drowned out in a feverish kiss.

“Anyway…before we end up discussing our next roleplay scenario for a hot make-out session, we should probably make our way back. I still need to pick up our leftover stuff at Leblanc-“

“We might as well just stay there.”

“Huh?” Ren was clearly not expecting that, as his eyes widened in surprise.

Goro wanted to look away, yet it was sort of impossible to tear his gaze away from the insufferable human being in front of his eyes. “It’s…sort of a hassle to keep moving around all the time, don’t you think?”

Before, he felt awfully clammy about the mere fantasy of having to return to Leblanc and to stay there. Now, however…

Well, if Ren was part of what Goro wanted to build a home and family on, it really shouldn’t matter where they lived. Even if Goro heard he was unwanted in the attic- what difference would it make if the only person who thought he mattered didn’t mind him living there? Especially because it would make things easier for Ren in the long run- he wouldn’t have to move his clothing or belongings all the time. Goro was used to traveling from place to place- Ren probably wasn’t.

And while Leblanc wasn’t a home to Goro, it was to Ren- and Goro didn’t want to be the douchebag who kept him away from it.

Because if Ren made it his duty to let the world focus on him, it was only fair if Goro took care that the world Ren originally belonged to didn’t lose him in turn.

Even if monopolizing all of Ren was a tempting thought.

But in a way- it’d be like trapping a bird in a cage. Robbed by its freedom, it might seem oddly poetic and you could find a beauty in its sadness- yet it would never flutter and glitter the way it did when the bird was free to go where he wanted. Enclosed like that, it would die- and while Goro was tempted to be a cage, he wished to be an open gate between the cage and the outer world- ready to let the bird in whenever it wanted, and yet- leave it to make its own trails when it wished to leave.

“You’re aware I won’t make you do this unless you’re actually comfortable with it.”

Goro swore to himself he’d preserve the beauty in Ren’s existence.

“I’ll be fine, Ren. I’m not that fragile- and it’s what I want. Besides, there’s a supermarket in the neighborhood near Leblanc, right? I promised Ann to buy her some compensatory ice cream when she comes to drop off the rest of our stuff with Morgana later.”

Ren grinned as if someone had just given him a free snack.

“What’s with the grin?”

“You said our.”

“So?”

“You’ve never used a shared pronoun before.”

“I probably have, and you just weren’t aware.” Goro got up from the seesaw, and Ren promptly followed. The barista nudged him with his elbow.

“Pretty sure you haven’t.”

“Urgh, whatever. Have it your way, then.”

“I’m just super happy you used a shared pronoun.”

Goro wished he could hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. But that was impossible.

***

Ren advised him to buy Ann mint ice cream, and Goro made him swear never to speak of that particular taste again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE A FUCKING WEAK SPOT FOR THE PLAYGROUND AND HRRRR HRRRR HRRR DID THIS SCENE SPIKE MY LOVE FOR IT EVEN MORE. FUCK. FUCKING SEESAW AND REN AND GORO AND FLASHBACKS TO FAMILY AND REN PROMISING ALL OVER AGAIN TO BE A FAMILY AND A HOME TO GORO AAAAH come yell at me if you feel like I do  
> also I originally wanted to write the two of them playing on the seesaw together, but then I remembered I constructed the image of the seesaw for little children. And somehow, the symbolism in Ren lifting Goro up after a breakdown where he believes he's sort of lost his childhood, home and family, was a much stronger image than both of them playing together...and Goro makes up for my idiocy in not using symbolism that he'd willingly lift Ren up, too, BY USING THE METAPHOR OF THAT BIRD CAGE AND I JUST. I HAVE SO MANY FEELS IM SORRY  
> Basically the playground. Just means so many things and puts Goro into so many stages of life I...T-T  
> I know Sojiro is really open and kind to AkiRen in the game, but I always did wonder...how he'd behave towards Goro. I know a lot of AWESOME fics out there make him a father figure to Goro, but somehow in my fic??? THINGS ENDED UP ESCALATING BADLY EVEN THOUGH ALL I WANTED WAS FOR GORO TO FIND A NICE DAD XD  
> Well, this matter isn't quite yet over.  
> See you next time, hope you enjoyed!


	41. The love of the Hierophant; the changing of tides; a twist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huhuhuh- chatting and more of Ren's POV!~

Goro was woken up by the incessant buzzing of his phone.

He didn’t even know what time it was- he just heard his phone vibrating over and over again, and it was growing annoying.

The detective carefully extracted himself from Ren’s cuddle, and reached out a blind hand towards the sound of the noise. When he got hold of the phone, he nuzzled back into the embrace, and even in his sleep, Ren threw his arms around him again.

For a second, Goro relished in the attention, a warm, fuzzy feeling clouding his mind and making him shiver- before quickly silencing his phone as not to wake the tired barista. He narrowed his eyes as he realized someone had texted him.

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:55): Hey Goro. Izzzz määä_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:55): okay im sorry for the bad introduction. I know I shouldn’t act like all iz fine_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:56): look, I’m very emotional when it comes to Mom._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:56): she was a great mother! Even if people tried to make me think differently_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:57): I did steal her file from the TPD archive once, but…_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:58): I’ve never been courageous enough to open it. So I didn’t know about you._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:58): Honestly, I realized I don’t know anything about you._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:58): except your whole pining thing for Ren and the other obvious things_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (02:59): what were you trying to tell us?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:00): Bcs telling me via text is def better than IRL_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:01): and I have this hunch this was all Ren’s idea anyway_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:01): and I might not trust you but I trust him w/my life._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:02): Hes not the type to forgot reason if he’s in love._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:02): So Im guessing you had a lot more to tell when Sojiro threw you out_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:03): meaning…if you wanna tell me, Im listening_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:03): tho no matter what I prob wont forgive you. But this isn’t about that is it_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:03): Youre doing this to please him, right?_

She was severely mistaken, and Goro would do everything to make it known to her.

_Me (03:10): You are wrong. This was never about Ren in the first place._

_Me (03:12): Though I admit I originally had something in my mind that I foolishly hoped to pursue. Or acquire._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:15): uuuuuuuuuuh okay_

_Me (03:15): That doesn’t matter anymore. I got something much better than that, and realized some mistakes of mine._

_Me (03:16): But…I suppose I would still be inclined to share my story. I’ll need your skills in the future._

_Me (03:16): And considering who you are to Ren, I’d rather you do so by fully being aware of me_

_Me (03:17): as well as me knowing about your feelings in return, I suppose. I am not seeking your forgiveness._

_Me (03:17): I merely want the truth to be out before we partner up as allies and make use of your skills_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:18): By skills you mean my hack tech I guess._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:20): Well, I’ll listen to you before I ever consider collaborating again._

_Me (03:21): You have my gratitude._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:21): Stop texting this awkwardly and get on w/ it._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:22): But HALT_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:23): lemme create a chatroom in the messenger app I invented._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:23): securitys tighter and I have more control over the servers than this_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:24): and I can easily erase the entire conversation without it ever being known_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:24): to anyone posssssssibly spying on me. Or u I guess._

_Me (03:24): That is a fine idea. Please go ahead and take your time._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (03:25): disgusting speech pattern, be gone!_

_It’s funny how this riles her up._

Not even five minutes later, Goro received a mysterious mail with an attachment and a detailed instruction of how to install the messenger app on his phone to ensure maximum encryption.

Futaba was indeed a genius of a different caliber. Goro would never fail to be impressed.

When he told his story, it was more of a monologue than an interaction. Futaba did give off a few messages, but they only contained noises such as ‘mhm’ probably to assure Goro she was still online and not asleep. He also did not delve deep into his history, and only explained her the relevant parts of the story- how Shido had ordered him to do this, and vaguely explained the consequences of disobedience. He also made clear, however, that he didn’t explain that to gain her pity- that was what he was hoping to avoid, actually- but that for truth’s sake, he had to lay all the facts bare.

He emphasized that his decisions wouldn’t have changed if given a second opportunity.

But when she asked whether he’d taken the chance to take him down or help him, similar to Ren, Goro replied he’d wanted nothing more than to put his gun onto his face and shoot a bullet through his skull.

When he finished, he waited for a bit- but quickly realized Futaba would probably need some time to think about everything. He couldn’t get himself to pity her- but he told her that in all honesty, he was impressed that she’d been able to get where she was today even with the burden of the past.

Because pitying someone meant you’d admit you felt bad for them, even though the person had done their best in battling against fate, themselves and more- and instead of acknowledging and praising them for making it this far, you basically told them they were a failure- in Goro’s world view, at least.

A part of him didn’t like how cold he sounded overall, so he explained the last thought lingering in his mind once again in a strange moment of honesty. It must have been the relentless conversations with Ren and Akira that made him all gooey and soft. He knew what it was like to grow up without a mother, after all. Though the circumstances between him and Futaba were vastly different.

He wished her a good night, and that he still had a long day ahead, so he’d go to sleep now.

She sent him a quirky emoji in return.

Goro nearly fell asleep with the phone in his hands before he remembered how Ren hated having electronical devices on the bed- something about radiation and whatnot- so the brunet shut it off quickly and put it down on the ground near the bed, where he could easily reach it as soon as the alarm went off.

The old him would have sneered what a bootlicker he’d become. Frankly, he still mocked himself for his actions, anyway- but another part of him merely felt elated at the idea that some of his actions would bring a smile to Ren’s lips.

_Cursed man got me whipped for him, huh._

_Well, whatever._

_At least he’ll build me a playground in compensation._

Goro fell back asleep with a mocking smile on his lips.

***

_Ann (13:43): Hey Ren! So I thought about this whole ‘Shido-plan’ thing and_

_Ann (13:43): how about I just gather everyone in Leblanc and then we tell them?_

_Ann (13:44): Cuz I think if I told them straight to face whats happening theyd freak out (esp Akira)_

_Me (14:00): Hey. Sounds good to me. Keep your wits to you until I give my ok, tho- Goro’s going thru some stuff_

_Me (14:01): might need a day or two. You could tell your friends to keep the weekend open, maybe?_

_Me (14:02): I think he said he hates Makoto? But she has a sis in law enforcement, right?_

_Me (14:02): we’ll end up needing her help at some point, so might as well have the bitch sister with us, too_

_Ann (14:04): Don’t call her a bitch! Shes still my friend! They don’t vibe at all, but Makoto would do anything for justice_

_Me (14:05): hmmm kk (not sorry tho)_

_Me (14:06): if that rich friend of yours ends up paying for drinks like last time…_

_Me (14:06): I guess Sojiro wont complain if I close up earlier_

_Ann (14:06): Oh, Haru said she was just trying to pay for all of us at once since she thought wed bail lol :P_

_Ann (14:08): did she pay that much_

_Me (15:00): she paid like, thrice the amount of money Leblanc makes in one day lmao_

_Ann (15:02): Well good for you!_

_Me (16:09): Sojiro was actually angry bcs he believed I had fooled some innocent woman lmao_

_Ann (16:10): I believe Haru was worried she hadnt paid enough! LOL_

_Ann (16:12): Should I be worried about Akechi? He seemed fine to me today_

_Me (16:15): hmmm. Just keep your eyes on him and don’t say anything like ‘hey, I heard you have issues, whats up?’_

_Me (16:16): in all honesty I think he’s okay. It was just emotionally taxing, I guess._

_Ann (16:30): Okay! That’s great. I gotta go- jobs calling. I’ll tell everyone to meet up on the weekend, then!_

_Me (16:31): sounds good. Go wild!_

_Ann (16:31): Thanks!_

***

Ren hadn’t expected for the Leblanc sign to stay on ‘Closed’ when he came back from his florist job. Then again, maybe Sojiro also needed a day to process what he’d thrown at his head. Ren didn’t regret it, though- if anything, he hoped Sojiro would realize the truth in his words, and apologize to Goro when he came back in the evening.

Turns out, it wasn’t all that easy. When the young man opened the café, Sojiro was standing behind the counter, hidden behind the large newspapers he was reading. Ren spotted the empty pack of cigarettes on the counter, but didn’t comment on it. Sojiro had sworn off smoking when he took Futaba in, but from time to time, he fell back into his bad habits.

Since Ren didn’t think there was anything to say, he walked right by- until he was halted by a loud sigh.

“Will you not even give me a chance to talk it out?”

Ren turned back from where he had almost ascended the stairs to the attics, and strode back to the counter.

Sojiro had put the newspaper away- and the expression on his face was familiar. He was tired, and a little worried as the crease in his forehead indicated.

Well, Ren wouldn’t turn down the offer of a truce. But if anything of that truce would entail insulting Goro, he’d go off.

“I’ll listen, but if you still want Goro out of my life, I’ll really pack my things and leave.”

Ren sat down on one of the stools- the one Goro always liked to sit on- propped his elbows up on the counter, and rested his chin in his palm.

“I’m all ears, Boss.”

Sojiro sighed, and a hand went up to massage his scalp. “Kid, you never stop causing me headaches, don’t you?”

“That’s sort of my trademark, yeah.”

“I’m well aware.” Sojiro sighed. “Look, about this- about Akechi. What were you trying to achieve? I know damn well you were the one who initiated the whole thing. Don’t try to deny it.”

Ren shrugged. “I just wanted you to listen to him. Then you’d have realized he wasn’t as much of a problem kid as you think he is. Instead you insulted him in the worst way possible and made him cry.”

Sojiro barely flinched at that. “It wasn’t my intention to make him cry. Look, I- urgh, forget it. You’re going to end up defending him to the last breath, won’t you?”

Ren nodded.

“Thought so. Look. I want to protect my family from that vile human being- I mean Shido, don’t glare. There’s also a good reason I’m trying to keep Futaba away from him- but from the looks of it, I won’t be able to keep her out of this whole mess, won’t I. So before all of this escalates- tell me the kid’s story. And what your intention was.”

“I believe Goro should do that himself.”

“And I believe the kid would rather eat a snake than tell me his story after I hurt him like that. Either you lose your chance of any of my support and approval, or you tell me now.”

Ren sighed. He hoped Goro wouldn’t hate him for this. In a quiet voice, he begun to talk about Goro’s story and the ticking counter above his head.

When he finished, Sojiro was fuming- well, if you knew him you knew he was fuming, at least. He merely looked grumpier to others if they stumbled upon him now.

“Look- I hate that bastard for everything he’s done or will ever do. But I also absolutely disapprove of what you’re trying to pull, Ren. I understand the kid’s circumstances better now- but if he’s going to die, I don’t want my kids to die alongside him. Hate me for it. I won’t budge.”

Ren was ready to pounce, but Sojiro held up a hand to silence him.

“I know it’s futile to tell you to keep your nose out of danger by now. I always knew you weren’t the kind of person to keep his nose down. But, urgh. It seems like Futaba is contemplating to jump in on your little plan as well.”

The younger man furrowed his brows. “She was very tight lipped about it, but it seems like she had some sort of conversation with your boyfriend. You were also right to point out my selfishness and hypocrisy. But that doesn’t mean I can risk taking a problem kid under my wing.”

Ren opened his mouth to retaliate, but Sojiro sighed and interrupted him. “Look. Just be careful, alright? And take care of Futaba. You can have him stay here for as long as you want- I won’t sell you out. But- just know, if worst comes to worst- I won’t extend another hand to protect him. I’ll do my utmost to keep you and Futaba safe- and if it means abandoning him, I will.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“I’ve dealt with that bastard for a while now. Like I said- I won’t sell Akechi out to his father. That is, unless Shido begins to threaten me with you and Futaba- and I know him, it would be just his kind of strategy. This whole thing is too big for you to take on- but I know I can’t keep you from trying. So go ahead- try. Burn your hands on it. Don’t come crying to me when it all crashes down.”

“So you’re that scared of losing us that you would risk an innocent, abused ‘kid’s’ death? You would stand by and watch as someone gets killed?”

“No, but it’s either my family, or them.”

“You know that’s bullshit!”

“It’s not.”

“Sojiro! I can’t- I’m so disappointed, what the hell?!”

“Why are you so angry? Look, after hearing all this, I know Wakaba’s death wasn’t caused by him- and that he didn’t really have much of a choice. I don’t blame a teenager for being abused and misused by his bastard of a father. Truth be told- he has my pity. But my other opinions? I will stand by them- or else Wakaba will have died in vain.”

“Why are you so fucking focused on protecting us?! So much that you’d let other people die?!”

“Because I have no idea what would happen if Shido got his hands on her!”

It was the first time in a long, long while that Sojiro had ever raised his voice. His breathing was a bit more ragged than before- and, frankly, Ren didn’t even know when Sojiro had ever raised his voice at him before.

That didn’t let the last statement disappear without his attention, though.

“On ‘her’? Sojiro? What would Shido have on Futaba?”

Sojiro clenched his teeth, and a snarl escaped his lips.

“If I tell you- if I lay my reasons bare for why I think you should stay the hell away from Akechi and keep my daughter out of reach from that wretched bastard- would it change anything?”

The gears in Ren’s head were turning.

_We’ve never heard of Futaba’s dad._

_Not even once._

_Her mother wouldn’t tell her, or Sojiro anything._

_Shido is known for sexual assault on women._

It clicked.

Ren gasped.

“You mean- she’s- Futaba is-“ Ren’s brain lacked the words to provide him with- anything.

Sojiro clenched his teeth. 

“I don’t know for sure. Wakaba never told me how she became pregnant- but I know where she was working back at the time. And I know a certain superior had an interest in her. As soon as she knew she was pregnant, she quit the job and left the place- keeping herself afloat with odd jobs here and there. Then, one day, she’s dead- right during the time a certain uprising politician begun making his name known in the news and in our country.”

Oh fuck.

“It’s all sort of a speculation on my half- I don’t know for sure, like I said. But for whatever reason, Shido deemed Wakaba as a threat- I’m assuming because they had been involved with each other, and if she came out with a story of being assaulted, sexually harassed at her work place or whatever- it would tarnish his image. Now, he’d better get rid of her before she gets any funny ideas. He probably didn’t know about Futaba. And I’m damn glad he didn’t. If Wakaba gave her life to protect Futaba, I won’t let anyone who could kill her close to her. And since I’ve sort of adopted you as well, you neither- I can’t go through the same tragedy again. Especially when the ruthless bastard doesn’t seem to hesitate to kill off the son he raised for years.”

While Sojiro’s fear begun making more sense now that Ren had the bigger picture- he still couldn’t accept Sojiro’s behavior. Besides- this was all speculation, like Sojiro said. It could very well be that Futaba wasn’t the child of Shido-

-but if she was, it’d make her Goro’s half-sibling.

_Oh gosh, Goro could have family left in the world._

_Or not._

_And he’d also have to live with the fact that he aided in his step-sibling’s mother’s murder._

_Shit._

“Fuck”, Ren muttered- before remembering the entire café was bugged.

_Oh fuck, Futaba must have heard-_

_Shit, shit, shit-_

Sojiro was surprised Ren frantically called someone up on his phone instead of criticizing him once again. Maybe the kid had finally seen to reason?

Nah, no way. He knew Ren wouldn’t stand by the elder man’s stance- and that was sort of the fate you had to accept as a father to rebellious children.

Still, he began cursing himself when Ren told him Futaba had the entire café bugged and could potentially listen in.

“What the hell- why would she even do that?!”

They both ran over to the apartment Futaba should be in in case she hadn’t taken off yet and done who-knows-what.


	42. Mysteries surround the fool; dath he find the truth in the maze of secrets?

Goro was surprised to step into an empty café- the sign was turned to closed, yet the door to the café stood open, so he’d assumed Ren was in.

He was surprised, therefore, to see there was no one upstairs or downstairs. A check on his phone revealed him he didn’t receive any calls or messages either.

Hm.

Goro tried to ignore the ball of anxiety churning around in his stomach. He should get used to coming home and not seeing Ren- he still had his own life to take care of, after all.

Somehow, Goro couldn’t help but think something was off, though.

His fears were confirmed when not five minutes later, the door to the café was barreled open, and a human missile sprang into the café with a loud yell- one with ginger hair. Behind her, someone else came crashing in- and Ren was just barely able to catch Futaba from crashing down and planting her face on the ground.

So _something_ was up.

Goro sighed, and slumped into one of the booths, and after a bit of listening to quiet murmurs, the missile calmed down- and he felt Ren sit down next to him.

He had an apologetic smile on his lips- but his eyes were filled with worry.

“Hey, Goro. Sorry for being absent, uh-“

“What the fuck, we could be siblings!”

“Futaba!” Ren hissed her name in-between clenched teeth, while Goro- was just puzzled. His brain didn’t have enough capacity to catch up with the information that the girl he just yesterday confessed to about murder and whatnot was standing nearly opposite him, her face flushed, and yelled at him not for being cruel, but…

“I’m sorry, what?”

Next to him, Ren let out a groan. “Fuck, Futaba, I _told_ you I’d do this myself- and not just jump at him out of nowhere!”

“This concerns him! You can’t keep this a minute away from him any longer!”

The bickering and the half-yells were causing Goro’s a headache. “Could both of you- please _calm_ down and tell me what the fuck you both drank?”

“We’re not drunk! I mean it! You could be my half-brother!” “Futaba, can’t you just-“

“Both of you-shut up.” Goro raised a hand to his temples, ready to massage the pain away. Funnily, the absurdness of the situation had made him forget about his anxiety and fear- it was more important to calm both of these…kids down for now.

“One of you is allowed to speak. The other shuts his mouth- or else I’ll murder one of you, I swear.”

That made both of them shut their mouths. Futaba and Ren shared a glance- before Futaba nodded and sat down on one of the stools.

Ren begun to explain.

***

“ _That’s_ the reason you two are so agitated?” Goro was so stunned, he forgot all about his will to murder someone.

“First of all- wait, before _any_ of you say a word- the theory is full of holes. So you assume Isshiki quit her job after she became pregnant- well, there could be a million of reasons she did that, and just because Shido seemed to have an interest in her, that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have had any _other_ men interested in her.”

Futaba squawked indignantly. “My mother doesn’t play around with men like that!”

“I didn’t insinuate that. I just think- the theory is made up as easily as it could be discarded.”

“But wouldn’t it make sense if Mom was on the run because she was assaulted by Shido and he was afraid she’d use this against him?!”

“But then, why let her live for- what? How old were you when she died?”

“Thirteen”, Futaba whispered, and Ren stirred in his seat- Goro assumed he’d stand up and comfort her, but he didn’t move-

-he merely searched Goro’s hand and intertwined them.

“Right. So imagine he assaulted her- or they had a consensual sexual affair, whatever. If she was such a big threat, why let her live for thirteen years? I know Shido- he isn’t one to let someone live for too long if they pose a big threat.”

“Maybe he didn’t have any hitmen back then!”

“Ah, yes. He was steadily spreading his power- but obviously, it took a long time to get where he is today. You make a fair point- but think again. So we assume he sends his hitmen after Isshiki thirteen years later-“

Futaba was holding up quite strongly for someone who had a big breakdown at the mere mention of her mother’s death just the day before, Goro belatedly realized- but she was also so hyper, it could be she wasn’t properly realizing what was being said or not-maybe the adrenaline pumping through her veins clouded her mind and let the fear creep away for a minute to let her focus on the theory of them being _siblings._

This was a bad joke.

“-Because only now, he has the power to take care of any loose ends.”

Futaba nodded vigorously, while Ren squeezed his hand.

“Why on _earth_ \- please tell me- would he kill her for the reason that they had been in some sort of sexual scandal- but not _you,_ if you were indeed my half-sibling?”

“Well, Mom probably hid me away from the world so well, he didn’t know!”

Goro wanted to laugh, but he also knew he was talking about some sort of touchy subject- and laughter would be very inappropriate. So he squeezed Ren’s hand back instead of outright dissolving into giggles right in front of the girl’s face.

“Shido would have checked her entire life situation before he made a move to kill her- he’s very meticulous. And I’m not quite sure, but…you are registered as a living citizen and have an ID, do you not?”

Futaba nodded so enthusiastically, Goro was afraid she’d hurt herself.

_Is this how the saying ‘Break a neck’ came to be?_

“Alright. You are registered as a living, breathing citizen, then. Wearing your _mother’s name._ So imagine now- Shido’s trying to wipe your mother’s existence off the earth because of an encounter that laid thirteen years back, in fear it would tarnish his image. Why on _earth_ would he let you live, then? You could be as much of a danger- if not even a bigger one- than your mother. Especially if- let’s say, your mother had mentioned something to you like Shido being your potential father. See what I mean?”

Futaba was furrowing her brows. “Maybe he just didn’t care?”

_After waiting to wipe Isshiki out nearly thirteen years later? Please._

Goro could not suppress the snort. “No, I’m afraid- if it’s about himself and his image, he cares way too much. And wiping a child off the earth is much easier than a grown adult. Why would he take the risk of letting a potential threat live on further- after having to wait for thirteen years, no less- right when he had the chance to make you disappear alongside your mother?”

Futaba was chewing her lip.

“The answer is easy. You weren’t a threat- Shido wouldn’t let loose ends live on. So you weren’t associated with the reason your mother was a thorn in Shido’s eyes. Therefore, the chances are likely that you aren’t related to him, either. Besides…he probably knew about your existence when he was threatening _me_ with death and hitmen. If he found out he had a secret child on another part of the city- he wouldn’t have hesitated to strangle you. Or let his hitmen strangle you, for that matter.”

There was an awkward silence in the café before Ren raised his voice. It was a quiet whisper, almost inaudible- of course, the idiot must be afraid of hitting a sore spot here.

“He… _strangled_ you?”

“As I said, he let his men strangle me. He would never stoop so low and use his own hands to do the dirty work.”

Goro remembered the feelings of cold hands wrapping around his throat, squeezing out every bit of oxygen he desperately wished to keep. It was an old memory- he didn’t shudder or flinch about it anymore like all those years ago when he was still forced to live with the bastard in one home. Thinking back on it, Shido must have noticed how terrified he felt as a child, and told his latest goon-hunters to strangle him again to evoke more fear.

Well, that wouldn’t work anymore. Goro was sort of a rebel- and even back then he’d provoked being strangled, and he hadn’t ever regretted being able to rile up the bastard and ruin his mood.

He didn’t really care if that meant having to endure a bit of choking.

He was used to worse things back then.

“Anyway- we are going off topic. I do commend your foster father for coming up with such a ridiculous idea- but no. I do not believe in the theory much higher than, let’s say, a zero point one percent chance.”

It felt like Futaba was staring a hole inside him, and Goro was growing extremely restless under her stare.

“Look, aren’t you glad, too? You don’t have to imagine having a murderer’s aide as your half-brother. Even worse, one that helped in your mother’s- well, you know the drill. Now, was this everything you had to say?”

“You’re not even going to consider it?”

Goro let the girl talk on.

“A few years ago, my uncle tried ripping me away from Sojiro. He proved that he was more related to me than Sojiro was by making use of a DNA test. I googled your history- when Shido picked you up, he also had a DNA test issued to verify himself, right? I doubt that he rigged that one- if he’s as meticulous as you say he is, he probably knew who you were even before he made the test, but wanted to be absolutely sure.”

Futaba chewed her lip.

“I could hack into the database and request a test of our DNA- these labs keep the results and the data for a long time, and it’d be easy to issue a request with my hacking skills. We’d have to wait for a few days, but afterwards-“

Goro interrupted her harshly. “Afterwards what? You can be sure whether you’re related to the sick bastard or not? Know whether someone as twisted and fucked up as me is part of- what? Your ‘family’? We all know that wouldn’t change a thing. You- or rather, Sojiro- would still not stop seeing me as a threat to your family peace. Neither of you would like me more upon discovering the fact that we share a bit of genetic information- or your behavior until today would have been nothing more but hypocrisy. What would be the use of it?”

“Well, aren’t you curious?”

“No?” Goro scoffed. “Curiosity often killed the cat- I doubt you’d even be able to endure the fact that your ‘Daddy’ killed your ‘Mommy’ and that you’d have to live with the fact that you’re related to a bunch of murderers and criminals. Sometimes, there’s peace in ignorance, especially for people as fragile as you.”

There was too much venom in his voice, he knew- but it was the plain, bitter truth. Still, it was as if someone had finally hit the girl to get her out of her stupor- she flinched, twitching and shuddering, before her eyes filled with tears and she spat some insults at him.

She stormed out after telling him what an awful and dumb human being he was- _boohoo-_ and Goro snapped the hand that was so lovingly intertwined with Ren’s away.

“Go”, he murmured a little bitterly, “I think she needs you.”

He turned away so that Ren couldn’t see his face anymore, and he dearly wished for Ren to leave as soon as possible-

Arms wrapped around his trembling self- when he had started trembling, he didn’t know- and Ren’s body draped himself against him like a warm blanket.

“Why are you still here? Clearly, she needs someone before she ends up doing something stupid.”

“Sojiro was waiting outside the whole time. I doubt he was able to hear us- but Futaba will probably tell him all about it. She’ll be fine. She doesn’t need me right now- or Sojiro, for that matter. She’s already had her breakdowns for today, and today is a better mental health day than yesterday. See, she was able to keep herself together for so long because she’d already freaked out about the whole ‘Shido could have sexually assaulted my mother, or worse, they could have had a relationship’ thing a while ago.”

“I see.”

“And I’d rather spoil and comfort my boyfriend right now than her.”

“You’re an idiot”, Goro murmured, though he begun leaning slightly into the embrace.

“Would you allow me a question?”

Goro scoffed. “I’m not the one who decides whether you should shut your mouth or not. I only decide whether to answer or not.”

He could feel Ren’s lips, dancing alongside the outer shell of his ear, procure a smile. “Always so quick with the comebacks”, he murmured. “You know, this is highly inappropriate given how emotional the situation is- but you’re really sexy when you go full-out detective mode like that. I’ll say it over, and over, and over again, really.”

Goro hated how his body reacted with a full-body shiver afterwards.

“Anyway…now that I’ve been so graciously allowed to talk…question time: Did you tell Futaba off so quickly because you were afraid of hoping for a family only to be let-down in the end?”

The brunet was slightly offended by the question. “Are you serious? No! I’m not that spineless”, he hissed. “I only saw the most glaring inconsistencies in her story- and helped her point them out. Or her father’s theory, whatever.”

It was a little difficult given the position he was in, but Goro still managed to cross his arms in annoyance. Did Ren really think he was _that_ pathetic?

Sure, he could see why Ren thought like that. Goro _had_ been somewhat desperately hoping for a family, after all- and only because he had Ren by his side didn’t mean all his other desires and wishes would just poof into the air and vanish.

But he also wasn’t _that_ desperate that he’d try to deny a possible truth just in order to protect his self from more disappointment.

The barista kissed the top of his ear in apology. “Sorry. I just- I was wondering if that was the case. But if you say no, I believe you. I suppose that’s just- a little bit how I’d be if I were in your place.”

“You’re telling me you’d be that spineless?”

“Goro, you’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for. You just don’t realize it.”

 _Tough, huh._ That wasn’t something Goro had heard in…well, ever, actually.

Except that one time Ren called him a toughass bitch, but that didn’t count.

“You’d have been able to realize the flaws in the theory just like me, if it weren’t for your emotional attachment to…both of us”, Goro muttered.

“Is that your way of saying I’m as smart as you are, but clouded more easily by emotions?”

“Definitely.”

He heard the barista snort. “Good thing you’re sexy enough to make up for your snarkyness.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay.”

For a while, there was a comfortable silence in the café. Ren surely believed Goro was brooding- which the detective was not, thank you very much- while Goro’s head was just…empty. There wasn’t a thought crossing his mind- and for a while, it felt refreshing not to be thinking about every single thing in existence.

He pushed the theory that Ren was able to grant him that peace away for now- he didn’t want to think about it and what it would mean.

The silence broke by yet another question.

“Hey, Goro? You can shoot me off for being insensitive, but…Do you remember anything about your mother? Like, setting all the sad things you told me aside.”

There was caution in Ren’s tone.

The barista didn’t start to prod, either, when Goro- thrown out of blissful stupor- didn’t reply. Ren was just glad the brunet hadn’t sprung up and ran out of the café for the insensitive amount of questions Ren was posing.

Goro himself was surprised when he spoke up again, albeit his voice was quiet. “I think I may have said this already…but I don’t remember a lot. They do say sad memories tend to stick by stronger than good ones. Maybe that’s why…I don’t remember any good times. Though…When we were at the playground…”

Goro clicked his tongue. “It could be my brain playing tricks on me, but…I vaguely felt like she’d gone to the playground with me once. The act of remembrance was rather odd, though, so like I said- I doubt the sincerity of the memory.”

“May I comment that?”

“Do I have to repeat my statement? Say whatever you want.”

Ren nuzzled closer- pressing his lips briefly to Goro’s nape, and reveled in the quick shudder Goro’s body gave away.

“I think it wasn’t your brain playing tricks on you. I bet she loved you very much, Goro- despite the curse she once told you about, and all that other nonsense.”

“What makes you think that?” Slowly, Goro uncrossed his arms in defeat- laying his hand on one of Ren’s. It earned him a satisfied hum.

“Call it a hunch. I don’t believe there’s anyone out there in the world who couldn’t love you, Goro.”

The detective laughed. “Well, there’s a lot of fake fans thinking they love me, but none of them know my true self. None of them…know me like you do”, he whispered.

Ren acted as if he didn’t notice the top of Goro’s ears turning red.

“Yeah, but ignore them for a second. You did tell me of the horrible things she once told you, but…you said she also picked you up by the bathhouse everytime she had her job, right? That shows she cared about shielding you a bit, at least. And…maybe you don’t remember a lot because you unconsciously suppress the good memories- by thinking you don’t…or rather, you didn’t deserve love.”

This time, Ren’s lips pressed more firmly against the brunet’s nape, earning him a restrained gasp.

“I hope, one day…you’ll realize how loveable you are. And then remember all the good things you had. I know your life without her…must have sucked. I don’t need you to think there was any good in that. But I do sincerely hope that she loved you, and cared for you- because if she hadn’t, there would have been a lot of other options to rid herself of you. If she was similar to Shido, at least.”

Was it anyone else, they could have possibly earned themselves a slap or a punch or a disgusted sneer. Ren had already earned himself a fucking weak spot in Goro’s newly remembered sort-of-stolen heart- so Goro was surprisingly lenient to let the man say whatever he wanted, only rolling his eyes.

“Sure.”

“Don’t dismiss the possibility, Goro. I’ll make you end up believing in it even a little someday.”

When they went to sleep that night, Goro had a strange dream.

He was in some sort of facility- though facility might have been the wrong word. It was an old building- housing several…women? They dined together, and slept in few rooms that were shared. A lot of them wore the same tattered clothes everyday- only changing slightly whenever they were forced to wash them. The atmosphere didn’t seem to be hostile, either, as Goro was approached by a few passing women and patted on the head. They doted on him. He was…alone? No, that didn’t seem quite right.

When he grew too self-conscious of the world around him, the dream collapsed, as if it had been nothing but that.

Goro was missing something. He was sure.

***

The following night, the dream recurred- though it was a little different now. There was a faceless creature patting him- Goro nearly recoiled from the touch, the figure clad in black scaring him to death. But her voice was kind, gentler than anything he’d ever heard back then.

“I’m sorry, Goro. I promise we’ll be out of here soon, okay? Just hold out a little longer. Promise me?”

He felt himself nod.

“Great!”

***

The third night, he woke. He’d been startled awake by a kiss on his forehead by the faceless creature- sending his heart racing, and sending himself in a upright position when he returned to reality.

With a sigh, Goro swiped the drops of sweat on his forehead away- thankful for the fact that Ren didn’t seem to have been woken by his sudden movements.

***

The fourth night, he woke up with a silent scream on his lips- though his voice felt hoarse, as if he’d already been trashing and screaming for a while.

The faceless creature made of black mist had transformed into a woman more and more- there was still no face, but she was wearing clothes now, and she seemed slightly malnutritioned- maybe due to the fact that she gave Goro most of her meal whenever she could. They had meals twice a day, though he hated them- they tasted disgusting.

 _“I’m sorry, Goro”,_ she had said this in this dream. _“We don’t have to hide in the shelter for much longer, I promise. I’ll be able to send you to school, even! You could find some friends! And you’re so smart, I bet you’ll catch up with all the other kids soon.”_

Tiny Goro felt like he’d do anything to make her proud- her brown, long hair was shining in the sunlight of the enclosed garden space, as frail and spliced as it was.

_“I won’t let him get to you, Goro. Neither to me, nor to you.”_

Ren was more than just concerned when he snapped out of his grogginess and noticed Goro was silently sobbing into his knees, drawn tightly to his chest.

“Goro?”

The detective only answered with a raspy sob.

“Babe. Nightmare?”

There was a cautious hand on his shoulder- as if afraid he’d shatter under a more fervent touch.

The brunet shook his head.

“Okay. Then…whatever it was, it’s over now, okay? Come on. Look at me. Please. I’m here, Goro. You’re safe here.”

_Safe._

Within not even a second, Goro’s head whipped up. Glossy eyes shone in the dark as he looked at Ren with wide eyes- his boyfriend would grow a permanent crease in his forehead before they grew old at this rate.

“She was- on the run”, the detective choked out, collapsing into Ren’s chest and hanging tightly onto his pajama shirt. “She was- _hiding?_ From whom? Shido?”

His breath came in ragged manner, and Ren did not react to his blabber- instead, he drew firm, soothing circles into his shoulder blades, humming something under his breath.

“Why was she hiding- what-“

“Calm down, Goro. Then we can talk- late as it is. Or early- your alarm’s going off in two hours, anyway.”

Goro focused on the coffee-like smell in the air- in Ren’s clothes- he focused on Ren’s warmth, bringing him back to reality, calming his racing heart rate.

It took a while.

He detached himself when he felt his heartbeat permanently settle into a steady one, raising his head to meet Ren’s gaze in the dark.

“Babe?”

“I’ve- I need a favor, Ren.”

His lover was all ears.

“Anything.”

“I need to- I need to double check on something.”

“Your…mother?”

Goro nodded. “I’ve been having- weird dreams since that one day. When you told me she- you know. Anyway. It doesn’t matter, I suppose. I have- I have a weird hunch that I need to rid myself of.”

Ren nodded seriously. “Sure. What do you want me to do?”

“I need- Futaba to hack into the National Police Department. Not the Tokyo one- I’m not sure the file’s going to be there. I don’t know in which part of the country this happened.”

He hadn’t crossed paths with her again since that day- nor with Sojiro. Funny, because they were still staying in Leblanc- but Ren made sure they came home late these days, taking Goro alongside him to places after work. Some reporters had spotted them, but the only scandalous news was ‘Goro Akechi finds friends?!’ which wasn’t all that interesting, and quickly dropped by the newspapers, much to Goro’s relief.

Ren was apparently a good actor as well, fooling everyone with his friendly behavior- though whenever they were hidden from eyes, Ren would not miss the opportunity to press loving kisses to Goro’s skin.

“What exactly do you want her to find?”

“The file of Akemi Akechi.”

“What?”

“Please.”

Goro would have never thought he’d grit that word out of his teeth. “Just...make her do it.”

Ren regarded Goro. The brunet was sweating, despite the attic being rather cool- he should hop under the shower, but- Leblanc didn’t have one, drats. Maybe the bathhouse was open, though.

“I’ll tell her. But I can’t guarantee she will cooperate. You know I can’t force her to anything.”

Goro nodded, and Ren switched the nightstand on. He fumbled for his phone.

“Don’t know if she’s even awake. She’s probably gonna hate me for waking her if she is.” “I’ll compensate. I’ll- you said she accepts anime figurines as payment, correct? I’ll buy them.”

Ren raised his brows. “Want me to tell her that? It might raise the chances of her cooperating, then. Are you even aware of the prices of them?”

Goro snarled. “I don’t care what the price is. I need to give this burn in my chest an answer- and I need it as fast as possible.”

“Alright.”

The silence in the attic was replaced by frantic keysmashing sounds.

“Lucky you. She was awake and watching the rerun of Featherman season 4. Hey, you like that, right?”

“Hurry up.”

“Right. Sorry. She says she only willing to do it if you buy her the special edition of Precure X Featherman collab No.329- Red ranger of justice. Apparently, it’s available somewhere in Akihabara. Oh, and- yikes. This is the price.”

Goro’s eyes merely skimmed it. Fine, he’d have to sacrifice half of his monthly pay- whatever.

“I’m willing to do it. I don’t go back on my word- though I’ll probably send you to pick it up and deliver to her, since I don’t know if I’ll be able to clear my schedule. Is- would you-“

“Obviously I’ll help.”

Goro let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“She says…the search will take a while. It’d be easier if she knew more- like a death date or something.”

Goro recited her birthday instead, surprising both of them. “I…I don’t know where that came from”, he murmured, and Ren didn’t prod- only giving him a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Okay. She says…hacking into that security net is going to take a while. She’ll start in a few hours, once I’ve started my day- and then it will only be a matter of time, less than a day, she promises.”

“She can’t fasten the process?”

“Apparently not. Last time she did, she had some nasty police officers at her door- she’s gotta be careful about hacking into the National Net.”

Goro sighed. “Alright. No choice, then.”

“Sadly not.”

The detective was pulled into an embrace as Ren flopped them both onto the sheets again. “Why didn’t you tell me…about these dreams? Not an offense or something. I’m just curious.”

“I didn’t think it was important. I don’t-“

“Okay”, Ren cut him off. “In the future…no matter how small or insignificant something seems to you…tell me about it- if you feel comfortable enough. Because we promised to work through things together, right? I’m here for you to lean on. And we’re faster together.”

There was a lazy smile on Ren’s lips.

Goro gulped, then nodded.

He buried his face in Ren’s chest as the latter talked on. “Did you…have a terrible dream?”

The detective shook his head. “I- she said…she wanted to protect us.” He didn’t trust his voice enough to talk about more details lest he broke into tears.

“I see.” Ren scratched the brunet’s scalp. “And…you were talking in plurals. What about the other dreams? Were they terrible? Damn me for not noticing.”

Goro shook his head.

“Okay. Then…you remembered something good, didn’t you? That’s great, Goro.”

He was glad that Ren didn’t see the tears running down his cheeks in the dark- though he probably felt them nevertheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We continue to embark on many more mysteries! Goro disregarding the thought of him and Futaba being siblings was very savage. But is the matter truly up and done with? ;)  
> Also, just to make it clear...the trigger to Goro's dreams was because he ends up believing in Ren's words more strongly than he even thinks. Ren is like a beacon of hope and Goro doesn't know how deep and how strongly their souls are intertwined ;-;  
> anD REN STAYING WITH GORO AND NOT RUNNING AFTER FUTABA WAS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT STRENGTHENED GORO'S BELIEF IN HIM SO MUCH he doesn't realize what that meant. Neither did Ren, Ren was just like 'I left him alone once, ain't doing that shit again'  
> AND ALSO WE'RE DIVING INTO GORO'S PAST I'M SO EXCITED HIIIII PLEASE BE KIND AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I worked my ass off for that.  
> Kudos and comments are precious hoarding treasures!!  
> also I think we've hit the 200k mark now. Boy. Boy there's still a hella lot of stuff waiting for you but oh wow. Only 100k left???? GEEZ


	43. Foolish Fool had closed his eyes, shut his ears; the Truth, however, rung clear- awakened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's safe to say this chapter gets graphic, though...Tread carefully.

To say Goro was nervous would be an understatement. His nerves were on fire- though he still delivered a top-notch performance in both work and school.

He still had to keep his legs from shaking as he entered the café.

Ren was there to greet him when he entered.

“Hey.” His smile was so soft, Goro’s legs went all gooey for different reasons now.

_Damn it._

Thankfully- as always- the café was empty. Goro really begun to wonder how the café kept running these days- aside from a few regulars, no one seemed to drop by. Though that was also what made the café so cozy and nice. It would just become a problem in case the café ran out of money.

“Did Futaba-?”

Ren shook his head. “She told me a few hours ago that those policemen apparently hired someone more capable to secure the intranet from the last time she hacked herself in. Though she did emphasize that he’s no match for her, still. Oh, and…”

Ren grabbed a bag from the ground, dangling it in front of Goro. “Got the figurine she wanted. Told her she’d get it once she procured the wished results.”

“Great. I hope you used my money for that, like I told you.” “I mean, I was tempted not to- but I know you’d have punched me and forced me to accept the money nevertheless. I hate how stubborn you can be.” “I agreed you were allowed to pay for the rest of this month’s groceries instead.” “Yeah, but I always win the upper hand when we go shopping together, anyway. You know, normal couples usually fight about who should pay, not who shouldn’t.”

The two men shared a chuckle, and Goro begun spreading his leftover work on the counter, sitting down on his favorite chair- one near the door, as if it could provide him with a quick exit in case he needed one.

It was actually his favorite spot because he had the best view on Ren here.

“You know…It’s funny, how you told your boss that you’ll work less, and yet I still see you working here often enough.”

“Well, it’s a bit difficult for Sojiro to adjust his schedule like that out of the blue. He said he still needs like another week until he’s settled.”

Goro hummed in response, taking a sip of the coffee he’d been served.

“This is-“ “Brazilian Bourbon. It’s a bit sweet in its taste, and has a soft finishing touch to it, thanks to its hazelnut and almond aroma. Good for your nerves, I suppose. Well, I’d rather serve you an herbal mix to soothe your nerves, but I doubt you’d appreciate that.”

“Mhm. I’m always amazed by your knowledge of coffee beans.” “Hey, I couldn’t be a barista if not! Gotta know what to serve my customers or not, or else they’ll never come by again. People always think serving coffee is just pressing beans into a machine and letting it drip into a cup- but the art of coffee is much more complex than that.”

“Like the coffee heart you drew into the foam.”

“That’s a Goro Akechi exclusive feature I picked up in the last few weeks.”

“Sap.”

“Oh, you know you like it.”

Ren grinned as his hand darted out, his thumb sliding over Goro’s upper lip once- twice, before detaching his thumb and giving it a good lick- swiping away the white foam stuck on it. He had a smile on his face that Goro could not describe with any word other than debonair- and that fucker _knew_ what he did to Goro when he looked like that.

Goro threw him a glare, though it was lessened by his flaming red face. “You had foam on your lip, babe”, Ren merely shrugged, breaking into laughter.

They chattered on like that- a few innocent kisses thrown in conversations- and Goro did most definitely not get any work done, but he doubted he’d get it done even without Ren to distract him.

At one point, the door to Leblanc barreled open, and Ren opened his mouth, ready to tell the customer they were already closed for the night- but what greeted both of the young men was a ginger-haired, wheezing girl, two pages in her hand.

“I got the file.”

Goro’s entire body stiffened, and it wasn’t lessened by the fact that Futaba confidently strode up to him and smashed the papers onto the counter, throwing him a glare.

“And, fine. We’re not related- you were right about that. I did a test.”

Instantly, Goro’s face fell into a scowl- he wanted to tell her off for not believing him, not for actually testing- but he was taken aback when a different voice angrily demanded why on earth Futaba had done that.

“Well, he’s not the only one involved in the whole ‘are we siblings or not’ thing. After all, it _would_ have been nice to know whether that dastardly human being was my dad or not. But…turns out, nope. Genetic affiliation was not found.”

“You just- stole Goro’s data and misused it! That’s not okay, Futaba!” Ren rose from his seat, throwing his sister an angry look.

“Well, he didn’t seem very eager about the idea, and I didn’t care- I needed answers, and I had a right to. I don’t regret it. Hmpf! If you’re so smitten with your stupid boyfriend, how about you hack into Police networks yourself, huh? I would be careful if I were you, Ren. Sojiro is still really sad about this stupid fight, and I at least help alleviate his fears- unlike you, who’s only ever concerned with this- this guy!”

Futaba gesticulated wildly, her face red from anger. And while Goro wasn’t necessarily happy he was a thorn between the Sakura’s and Ren- a small part of him was happy to hear Ren cared enough about Goro to anger his most loved ones, as fucked up as it was.

So he really was important to him, huh- not like that hadn’t been obvious from other actions.

That was the reason he put his hand on Ren’s arm- it was supposed to be soothing. “It’s fine, Ren. Whatever. I don’t really care if she verified what was obvious or not- I’m glad at least I have solid evidence to rely on, now. And your father doesn’t have to worry about- well. Whatever he was worried about in the first place.” Goro furrowed his brows.

Ren threw him an apologetic look. “She could have at least told you she was going to go through with this.”

“No! He didn’t tell us he helped kill my mom, either- until you persuaded him! I don’t buy all that shit he told me himself, anyway.”

 _Now_ Goro was irritated. “I told you Ren wouldn’t have been able to make me do that”, he scowled.

Futaba only turned her head away in a huffy manner, pouting.

Urgh. She was sort of bratty, wasn’t she?

Still, Goro couldn’t just let the feud between Ren and the Sakura’s continue like that- he didn’t need Ren to defend him _that_ badly, anyway.

But he didn’t really know how to arbitrate. He only ever knew how to stir a fight.

“See, the fact you’re so stubborn shows you don’t attempt to understand Goro anyway!”

“Well, I don’t need to?! Just because you decided he was- he was more important than _us,_ all of a sudden- doesn’t mean I have to accept it! I hate what kind of lengths you go for- for someone like him! He’s not- he’s not worth it!”

“That’s none of your business, Futaba! And he _is_ worth it!”

“It is my business if you wake me at three am and tell me to hack into the National Police Network!”

“You said you were awake!”

“That was obviously a lie!”

“Well, how am I supposed to know?!”

Alright. This was not heading into a good direction, Goro assumed.

But the angry scowl etching itself into Ren’s agitated expression was sort of making him look- hm.

Hot.

_Fine, so what if I’m into angry sex?_

_Fuck, he can’t ever find out I thought that._

“And then- then you even think buying me my limited anime figurine would just- just make up for the fact that you want me to help whatever the _hell_ this guy’s going through, after not even caring what _I_ went through the other day?! You didn’t even check on me when I ran out!”

“I knew Boss was waiting outside! Besides, you were _hurting_ Goro as well- what, did you expect me to run after you and have two people at your side, and Goro have none?”

Futaba’s face grew red, and Goro knew the telltale of tears that begun to shimmer in her eyes.

“It’s always- Goro this, Goro that. Do you even _care_ about us anymore, Ren? Or is just him that matters to you now?”

Oh gosh, she was crying.

Goro suppressed his eye roll, and tried ignoring his racing heart that was going ballistic by merely glancing at the top paper of the file- and got up as well.

“If you even think for a second you should be jealous or harbor any other petty emotions towards your _brother_ because of me- well, you’re stupider than I credited you for.”

Futaba huffed indignantly, but he didn’t let either Ren or her get a word in.

“Ren is always thinking about you. Especially you- and your father, for that matter. You shouldn’t forget all the times he was there for you when you dealt with emotions you couldn’t handle on your own. Or the fact that he’s hurt by- whatever fantasy he had when it came to me and you reconciling. He held both of you in high regard- telling me all about what good people you are. Well, clearly he was mistaken- else you wouldn’t be here trying to gain his attention back by manipulating him and using stuff unfairly against him. Truly a low move.”

Goro grabbed the few papers on the counter- taking a deep breath and resisting the urge to peek- before shoving the pile into Futaba’s hands again.

“I don’t need your help with this if it means you’re going to use it against Ren. This was my selfish wish- and this was a deal forged between me and you. Ren had nothing to do with it except being a mediator. If you can’t deal with that- well. I can’t say I’m disappointed when I never cared for you in the first place- but trust me when I say I know manipulation when I see it. And you’re _clearly_ attempting to do that.”

Goro huffed.

“Maybe you should reconsider your actions before growing angry at Ren for as to why he’s not been paying attention to you. Spelling your emotions out to him is a better way to explain your insig-“ Goro bit his tongue, suppressing his own opinion about her childish tantrum “-your feelings instead of having him figure it out by text messages at three am when he was awoken by my screams.”

He crossed his arms, waiting for the surely angry insults-

But instead, there was only silence.

When he took a peek at the bickering siblings- well, he wouldn’t have expected both of them to look so stunned, really.

The longer the silence prevailed, the more irritated he was. “What? Come on. Spit out your ugly feelings towards me if it means you will stop directing your frustrations at the wrong guy in the room.”

Futaba’s jaw dropped- the same time Ren hurled himself at Goro and crushed him in a hug, squeezing the air in his lungs out.

“Hrr- Ren, what the-“

“Fuck, what did I do to deserve this. Futaba, I swear- you need to send me the recording. I’ll listen to this day and night. _Fuck.”_

He squeezed even tighter, almost choking Goro- who started hitting the emotional barista in an attempt to free himself.

Futaba was still staring at him as if Goro had grown two horns and declared he was this country’s future emperor, traveling from the past to save a dystopian future.

Ren didn’t let him go, but at least Goro could breathe now.

“Wow. I thought- I thought you were some selfish bastard who only cared about himself. Guess Ren won you over, though. I’m- impressed.”

Goro only scowled in irritation. What was the big deal?

“Well…I guess you’re sort of right when you say my jealousy is kinda out of place. And I guess Sojiro’s stance on the whole thing is sort of selfish, too- not like that changes the fact that I don’t want our family to break apart. And I still don’t like you- but that doesn’t mean I can stop making Ren feel things for you, I guess.”

Futaba shuffled her feet, staring at the ground in an ashamed manner.

“Sorry. This was kind of unfair, Ren. I’m not apologizing to you, Goro.”

Goro shrugged, since he didn’t really think either of them owed each other anything anyway- but he knew Ren didn’t necessarily approve of her apology.

The barista finally let him go, and to Goro’s relief, his face was much calmer than before.

“Well, I still don’t understand why on earth Sojiro and you don’t want to give him a chance- but it’s like you said, Futaba. We can’t force people to think the way we deem as right. Even if I think this sucks. I still value you- heck, I wouldn’t trade your or Boss for the world. But…”

“I get it. Goro’s growing just as important, isn’t he? Not like I understand.”

 _I don’t understand either,_ Goro thought.

“Yeah.”

_Be calm, my racing heart._

The detective forgot how to breathe at the smile Ren threw him. A smile radiating with warmth, so bright it seemed like the moon had merged with the sun and emerged as a glowing orb whose rays were soothing and warming, yet didn’t blind you with its gentle nature.

It was dazzling.

Futaba was still shuffling around. “I guess we all…should calm down. Or just accept things as they are, I guess- I mean, if you come talk more often with Sojiro again, like in the past- I guess I can live with the fact that this guy’s sticking around for the long run.”

Futaba pointed a finger at Goro.

Ren acquiesced. “I’ll do it as long as you stop being unreasonably mean to Goro. Sojiro- well, he’s a different matter altogether.”

“Why are you fighting with him, anyway? He didn’t really want to explain, and I only ever started listening in when Sojiro began to scream ‘I don’t know what Shido would do to Futaba!’. I sort of didn’t bother to listen to the beginning of your convo afterwards because of- reasons?”

“He said he’d sell Goro out to Shido if it meant protecting us. And Shido is pretty much looking out to kill Goro these days.”

Futaba gasped- Goro wasn’t surprised. He hadn’t expected anything from the elderly man- from no one, actually. If push comes to shove, people would protect themselves first, then their kin- and probably not spare another glance at anything else. That’s how the world worked.

Except that he begun hoping Ren wouldn’t do that if the chance rose.

“I- but that’s…That’s horrible!”

“Yeah, and I doubt Shido would stop at that, anyway. At the end of the day, we’d all be dead- whether I’m detaching myself from the love of my life or not. Which is why I’m trying to work with Goro and find a way out of this pinch- and definitely lose no one in the process. Sojiro won’t see to reason, though.”

Goro’s icy heart melted a bit more.

“I don’t really…care much about this Detective Princey here…but I do care about you, Ren. And I don’t want to lose anyone, either! Much less have an evil villain take over the world and kill us all!”

She looked down at the papers in her hand- and energetically pressed them back into Goro’s hands.

“If this means we have to work together to save us from doom- I’ll do it. I still want my anime figurine, but…”

She struck a dramatic pose.

“Futaba Sakura- at your service from now on! Let’s tear the evil demon king from his throne!”

That was a bit dramatic- but at least she got the spirit.

Ren said the exact words hovering in Goro’s head out loud.

“Besides…”

Futaba threw a glance at Goro.

“I guess you can’t be that terrible if you defended my stupid brother from…my even stupider actions. Can’t really…detest anyone for that. Though that doesn’t make the rest of your actions okay!”

Goro creased his eyebrows.

“I wasn’t really…defending him? I just spoke my mind?”

Futaba threw him an unimpressed look before she glanced at her brother. “He’s sort of oblivious and dumb, too, right? Like you can be sometimes?”

Ren grinned brightly. “We match! Or maybe I just rubbed off on him. Either way…this was adorable, don’t you think?”

“Well, I guess he serves that ‘gap moe’ thing pretty well. And he might be a tsun, too.”

“Good thing Goro doesn’t know nerd language.”

“He doesn’t?”

“He’s a Featherman fan, though.”

That made Futaba’s eyes sparkle.

“If you don’t mind me interrupting…whatever is going on”, Goro cleared his throat, “I…can I read this now? There’s a question burning at the back of my mind, and this file could possible provide me some answers.”

Instantly, the mood shifted back to serious again.

“Do you mind if Futaba stays here while you do so? I can’t let her walk alone in the dark- I don’t even know how she managed to come here by her own, anyway. We can go upstairs-“

“No, I don’t…really care.”

Ren looked concerned. “Are you sure? I-“

“Fuck, stop asking me so many questions! Just- let me-“

Goro grabbed the file, consisting of two pages- and fell into one of the booths.

“Just let me read this already.”

The siblings shared a glance- Futaba slowly tripled over to sit down opposite of Goro, while Ren (obviously) took the seat beside him.

“I have a right to know what this was about, too- but I’ll let you take your time while you read through that. Don’t worry, I didn’t peek at it before- I was way too busy. I’m sorry it’s not a digital file, but the encryption was really difficult- so it was easier to break the firewall by printing the document than decrypting and converting it into a readable format before encrypting it again.”

Uh, sure.

“And you know I’ll be by your side if you need me.”

_Ren, you sap._

Goro took a deep breath, blending out reality and any sounds surrounding him, closing his eyes.

Alright. He could do this.

He had to.

Slowly, he opened one of his eyes, peaking at the first page. It was a simple cover page of the National Police Department- however, the sub department that had taken on filing the case and wrapping it up was apparently seated in Kyoto.

Kyoto, huh. Was that where Goro had originally lived?

No point wondering about it.

His heart hammered in his chest, and his fingers were shaking- the tremble lessened when he felt a familiar warmth press against his side.

Right. He wasn’t alone. He could do this with…Ren.

Goro flipped the page, taking a look at the second page- but before he could register any of the information written down on it, he was hit by a truck of emotions that made him recoil.

The fucking file had a picture.

All of a sudden, the faceless creature haunting him in his dreams shifted- gaining a face. Akemi Akechi was the spitting image of him- or maybe he was her spitting image, really. She had ruby red eyes, glinting mysteriously, and her soft facial features were accompanied by a gentle smile. She had wrinkles around her eyes- crow’s feet, Goro assumed. Her honey-brown hair fell in cascades around her, and from time to time, she’d cut off the worst of the hair that had been spliced.

The image attached to the file was merely a bust shot- but a feeling stirred inside of Goro, making him believe she had always carried herself with poise and confidence, no matter what happened.

He didn’t realize Ren had pulled him into a hug- hadn’t realized his breathing had grown harshly ragged, his vision spinning, hadn’t noticed he had been begun gasping for air.

Ren was stroking his hair, like he did every so often- humming a gentle tune, bringing Goro back to his senses.

He didn’t ask whether Goro was okay. When Goro shifted his gaze to meet his eyes, Ren looked back confidently. “You can do this”, he said.

Goro gulped. “I didn’t- I couldn’t- I don’t know what she looked like.”

He didn’t know why he was providing an explanation to Ren- Ren hadn’t even asked. However, when Goro looked back in those onyx eyes, appreciation and adoration glittered in them.

“She was beautiful. You look very similar, really. I’m glad she decided to pass on her beauty to you”, Ren chuckled lightly.

Goro pressed his nose against Ren’s chest, inhaling his scent once more before detaching himself and focusing himself.

Something cold pressed against him. He looked down to see a glass of water pressed against his hand, Futaba awkwardly looking in any other direction than her brother and Goro cuddling.

“You, uh…looked like you could need this. Just don’t- spill it over the files.”

Both of them exchanged a glance, and Futaba seemed satisfied enough to get a wordless nod by Goro as thanks- averting her eyes again to look back the screen of her phone.

Goro gathered himself before looking back at the file.

**\---Case File No. 23029---**

**Date: 1X/09/2XXX**

**Name: Akemi Akechi**

**Date of birth: 02/02/2XXX**

**Date of death: 15/09/2XXX**

**Family: one son (Goro Akechi, age 7; current whereabouts unaccounted for)**

**Cause of death: Victim burned to death in her apartment. Apartment had been set on fire, but how exactly the fire came to be is unknown- evidence wasn’t able to indicate who set the fire, either. The fire broke out late in the night, and due to the fact that neither the apartment block nor the neighborhood was well-lived in, fire was only reported late- apartment had no fire alarms, extinguishers, or anything else providing security. Was run down, barely inhabited. Victim had not been registered under a home address, escaping authorities.**

“No…No…this is- what is this?”

“Goro?”

**Police and fire brigade quickly gained access to the apartment, checking for casualties. Oddly, door to the apartment hadn’t been locked- or might have been loose from the beginning, police couldn’t be sure. Victim had mostly been burned beyond recognition, identified by teeth.**

Goro felt the bile rise in his throat- fuck, no, he didn’t want to throw up, no, _no,_ he had to read this file by its entirety before retching out the entire content of his stomach- he couldn’t spare to take a break before that, no, no- not when nothing of this report matched up with his memory.

**Span between breakout of the fire in the apartment and victim being burned this badly didn’t quite match up. Possible theory victim had set herself on fire, as traces of petrol had been found, as well as a lighter covered in victim’s fingerprints. However, traces of blood had been found in the apartment as well, belonging to the victim. Had victim attempted a failed suicide before setting apartment on fire, as well as herself with petrol?**

Goro had to gulp down the bile crashing down into his mouth, burning his throat with the acidity. The begun to spin once more, as the axis of his world bent- burning and breaking down, snapped apart.

He ignored Ren’s concerned nudge.

**Kitchen knives found covered in victim’s prints were too dull to cause severe damage. Blood traces therefore also unexplainable.**

A distant memory chimed at the back of Goro’s head. His mother didn’t have sharp knives- she couldn’t afford them, and she didn’t want to risk Goro hurting himself, either.

She couldn’t have cut herself, even if the blood belonged to herself.

**Victim’s son could not be found. Was not at the scene, authorities merely able to secure his fingerprints. As whereabouts are unknown, investigation will continue.**

**Update (2X/03/2XXX, 6 months later): Victim’s son could not be found. As no more evidence could be collected to solve incident, file will be temporarily moved to archives, filed under suicides. Will remain there indefinitely until prosecution demands re-investigation.**

“Get out”, Goro yelled at Ren, who immediately sprung up- Goro nearly crashed into him as he ran towards the toilet, turning his entire stomach up and down, vomiting out anything and everything his body ever took in.

A hand drew back his hair, drawing soothing circles onto his back- right now, Goro felt nothing more than the urge to swat anything away that came too close.

Were his memories false? Had his mother burnt away in a fire instead of dying on the kitchen counter?

No, _no._ That didn’t make sense- the stronger Goro thought about her committing suicide- _she must have been tired from running, she hated me, she hated this world-_ the stronger his urge to vomit all over again became.

What was this about arson? How could Goro possibly not been with his mother when that happened?

Through the cloudy haze of his mind, piece by piece, the puzzle came together.

The place Goro had been haunted by- it was a shelter. A shelter for women specifically- and his mother had stayed there for a long time with him, hidden away from society. She was on the run- hiding from someone. She had tried protecting him.

Goro was sure the last memory of when he saw his mother was when he came home to her being in a sleep-induced state. Then, the door had crashed open- policemen had invaded his house, dragging him away from his mother. He wasn’t able to hear or see her anymore, as he was quickly pulled away- he remembered kicking and screaming, but the policeman had remained silent.

Then, darkness.

His soonest memory was waking up in an orphanage, and then the rest of his life continued on as seamlessly as he remembered.

Possibilities crashed through Goro’s mind- theories, no evidence.

What if his mother hadn’t been dead when he had seen her? He didn’t remember where he had come from that day, just that he had come home- but what if he was missing something in between? How had he entered their house when they couldn’t possibly afford a spare key to the apartment?

What if she had been the one to open the door for him- letting him in, and when he came back to her from whatever he had been doing, she had fallen asleep on the counter?

He didn’t open the door that day- he was extremely sure. And he was also sure he hadn’t opened the cops the door, either- his mother had never allowed him to open the door by himself. She was the only one who ever opened and closed their apartment- and they didn’t have a peephole in their door, so when both of them were home, she didn’t even bother going to the door when it rang.

No matter who it was.

It was as if she was afraid who’d be waiting outside for her.

She had lived in a shelter to seclude herself from society.

What if they hadn’t been real policemen crashing into their home? What if…what if it had been Shido’s goons, dressed up?

Goro’s thoughts were screeched to a halt by another big splurge breaking free.

What- what if…fuck, he sounded like Sojiro now- what if they had taken the two of them away, to Shido or whatever had happened to Goro- and his mother had been killed somewhere else, before they carried her back to the apartment and set the whole thing on fire- alongside her body, to conceal any wounds- gunshots- whatever? Hide whatever they had done to her?

It would explain the unexplained blood on the scene- they must have carelessly dropped her corpse, not bothering with hiding any evidence.

Fuck.

Fuuuuuuck.

Goro had no proof to back his claims.

However, it all seemed to come together so perfectly.

He hadn’t been at the scene because it hadn’t been the actual crime scene. They had just deported his mother back there- and dumped him in some orphanage across the country. Possibly Tokyo- anywhere, really, as Goro moved from place to place in his childhood. Police hadn’t been able to find him because there was nothing to find him on- dumping a kid his age in an orphanage was almost a hundred percent way to make sure no one was able to trace him back ever again. Sure, he might remember his own name- but unless he got involved with police and had his ID, genetics and fingerprints checked- no one would be able to find him.

He’d be a street rat, one of thousands.

And- beginning his own career in a position similar to a police department was like hiding a hen in a stall full of those animals. No one would double cross his identity- he himself was part of the police. Why would you check his entire data in the system, when it was obvious who he was- when the entire city knew his name? That way, no one would be able to trace Goro Akechi back to Akemi Akechi, especially since her file wasn’t easily accessible, anyway, and a shared name wasn’t that uncommon in a country filled with people.

What if Shido had never really lost sight of Goro- what if he had been observing his every step, his every family- stepping in when he found a good opportunity to boost his image, and keep the last piece connecting to a gruesome murder close to himself, manipulating him?

Murder.

_Murder._

Akemi Akechi had been killed by none other than his father- and she had feared exactly that. Feared the day the both of them would be found.

Goro was screaming – howling, like some sort of animal awoken under the shine of the full moon, turning into a beast. His fingers had gripped the toilet seat so strongly his knuckles had turned white- and he felt the anger, the hate, the rage he’d built up for Shido well up inside him tenfold, no, twentyfold. His vision was spinning wildly- he couldn’t recognize anything beyond Shido, Shido, _Shido,_ the fucking son of a bitch that had executed a perfect masterplan consisting of two murders- one, to keep one of his dark secrets hidden, and a second- to accentuate his tragic fate of not being able to implant the proper rules in politics- that would erase the entire existence of the Akechi’s out of the world.

The brunet let out another primal scream- he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel the air around him- everything was bleeding, the walls were oozing blood, his body was decaying in front of him- he’d always known he’d been used as a puppet, but not to what extent.

A distant voice was calling his name in the dark cabinet of the bathroom. Goro hadn’t turned on the light when he crashed into the small bathroom stall.

“Goro.”

The detective surged to his feet.

“Goro, where do you think you’re going?”

Hands held him back, hands that slightly pushed against his shoulders. Eyes were searching his gaze- but he wasn’t part of this reality right now. Those eyes would search in vain for him- for his soul had departed his body on a quest to kill.

“Goro, talk to me. Please. Tell me. What do you plan on doing?”

“I’m going to the precinct.” His voice seemed eerily calm, steady- yet it was an entirely different voice that spoke, one he’d never heard himself use before.

“And what do you think you’re doing there?”

“I’m going to pick up my gun and shoot the motherfucker in the face.”

“You know I’m not going to let you do that.”

Oh no. No one would stand in Goro’s path. _No one._

When those hands didn’t budge, Goro began to throw them off- a body blocked his way out. Goro aimed for its shin, while simultaneously punching the person into the gut- a howl resounded, and for a split second, an opening was created.

Goro darted out, but when light hit his eyes in a searing motion, a hand grabbed his wrist.

There was a girl sitting in one of the booths, looking concerned and frightened at the same time.

“Goro, you can’t do that.”

Hissing, the brunet turned around. “And who are _you_ to tell me what to do and whatnot? Hm? Do you want to be put next on my personal hit list? I’ll gladly take you out!”

“Like, on a date, or…with a gun?”

“What?”

The sheer insolence of the person threw him off guard for a second- enough for the person trying to stop him to step closer, closer- Goro was ready to fight back if hands were thrown at himself- as the person rose his hand-

-only to gentle cradle Goro’s cheek.

“Babe…what’s going on? Please, don’t try to shoulder whatever you just realized alone. Rely on me a little- as shitty as I may be. Your threat- is my threat. I’ll be there to help- and anything endangering you endangers me- but you need to talk to me. _Please.”_

The raven smiled at him- that’s when Goro’s brain decided to switch back to reality.

Still, no matter what Ren wanted- Goro was obsessed with the idea of killing that son of a bitch right then and there.

“You’ll let me go”, Goro choked out, after gathering himself for a moment.

“Nope”, the raven replied, “Never. You still owe me an explanation, Goro. After all the yelling and accusations I had to go through with my sis for being called a simp…I won’t just let you go do something stupid.”

Goro was ready for a punch to his face- instead, what he felt next were a soft touch of lips on his cheek.

“Sorry, I ain’t ready to kiss you on the lips just yet when you puked out your entire life into the toilet.”

_This guy is irredeemable, isn’t he._

“You always pull the most inappropriate jokes, Ren.”

“What can I say? I love teasing you whenever I can.”

Ren tugged at his wrist. “Come on- the electrolytes in your body must be weeping after that puke show. And I doubt you like the smell of your mouth. Also, you’ve still got a bit of that shit hanging on your lips- better wash that off, too.”

Futaba handed Ren a napkin, and the raven began scrubbing and wiping Goro’s face as if he was a toddler.

“Theeeere you go. I know you might be hoping to wash off the disgusting taste in your mouth, but we should probably wait for a while- for the sake of your teeth. See, you’ll attack your teeth with acidity if you go brush your teeth directly after puking, so- hopefully you’ve never done that before. And we should stick with water for the rest of the day- I’ll see if I can go out and buy some food that’s easier on the uptake later.”

“Let me go.”

Goro’s voice had fallen into a desperate plead.

Ren shook his head.

“I won’t let you run into your doom like that, Goro. I swore to you- no, I swear all over again- I’ll lend you my strength. I swear I want that son of a bitch to burn as much as you do. Please- don’t do this. Think rational for a second- if I may quote your own words.”

_Burn, huh._

_Maybe I should set fire on his office like he did._

Ren’s pleading gaze tore Goro apart.

“I’ll make him burn. I’ll make him burn the same way he burned my- my…my mother.”

With that, Goro’s tightly sealed Pandora’s Box of feelings opened, and the tears fell freely.

“Goro…”

There was a steely undertone in Ren’s voice.

“I won’t let that guy go around hurting you like this any longer, I swear. I’m not stopping you from killing him because it’s morally wrong or something. Heck, I’d take the gun myself.”

Futaba gasped.

“But…don’t you think that’s the easy way out? Isn’t it much less satisfying to see the bastard bleed to death instead of having him wallow in regret behind bars for years and years to come? Don’t you think it’d be much more painful for him to have to see you live a life full of happiness- while he’s chained and restricted from ever touching you, his former puppet, again?”

Goro’s entire stature trembled.

Ren stepped closer. “Tell me”, he said, like the evil whispers that cornered your thoughts and claimed them to themselves, “Tell me what you just- concluded- what you found out after reading your mother’s file. Please. So we can think of a counterway to make him suffer twentyfold- and if that doesn’t end up satisfying you, you can always pick up a gun in the end.”

There was a certain point to Ren’s words. While Goro didn’t believe anything other than punching a hole through Shido’s forehead would satiate his burning fury lying low in his veins, simmering and heating up over and over again- a part of him hesitated. He was pulled in, seduced by the intense stare Ren was holding him in place with.

It felt like his feet were frozen on the spot, making him unable to flee now- he was caught in the predator’s trap, unable to escape.

“My entire life’s been much more of a stage than I’d imagined”, Goro whispered, silent tears running down his face. “All- a farce. A lie. And I didn’t- I didn’t even realize any sooner.”

_She didn’t hate me. She didn’t commit suicide because of me. I wasn’t the reason._

_Yet I’ve spent my entire life resenting myself for her death._

_Am I supposed to feel happy about that?_

_She still died. She still died!_

Ren’s features softened. “I wasn’t a lie”, he whispered, “Nothing of me- had anything to do with that son of a bitch. Neither your friends, or my brother. Shido didn’t control you when you were with us- he had no power over any of the bonds you forged. And he’ll never have them, Goro. Trust in us.”

“I trust in you”, Goro croaked out, feeling like a little child all over again- the child that had been unable to protect his mother from whatever had happened all those years ago.

At first, Ren’s eyes widened in shock- not believing his ears what he had just heard. But the longer Goro stood there, with his anger heating up, with the fire flashing behind his eyes- Ren _really_ took in the meaning of those words.

“I’d kiss your hand if you hadn’t been gripping the toilet so feverently, Goro.” Ren felt like he’d just been bathed in the feeling of ecstasy- nothing, nothing would ever compare to that moment in his life when Goro told him he trusted him ever again.

Except maybe…three other words.

When the storm of initial emotions had passed, Goro sat down in the booth again and quietly begun to share the details of the file, as well as his memories. Talking about his theory came to him easily, then- it really did feel like the pieces of a puzzle slotting together.

“Though…of course, all this…is only a theory. I have no evidence to back this on except the wrath inside my heart. It might cloud my judgement.”

He hadn’t particularly cared that Futaba had been listening in as well- there wasn’t much of a choice, considering he was too much of a wreck to be left alone right now and Ren couldn’t let her walk back on her own- but he was surprised to hear her speak up all of a sudden.

“You know…”

She fidgeted around. “Back when…when my mom died…there were these really scary men. They tried making me think she committed suicide over and over again. Sojiro always did his best to battle them off, but he couldn’t protect me all the time, like when I was on my way to school or went for groceries or something. It got so bad I devolved into a shut in, and was terrified of leaving the house. I also started thinking- what if they were right? What if I did misremember? But…in the end, you can’t allow anyone to corrupt your memories, you know? That time, those feelings…They’re too precious for that!”

She gulped. “I- I don’t think you’re wrong with your theory. If you think that…you guys were hiding in a shelter- and you have no memory of a fire breaking out, or the like…Well, isn’t it pretty likely you’re correct? I mean, it all comes down to how much you believe in yourself. It doesn’t matter what your age was or what other people think of you. Do you…do you really think she’d be the type to leave you behind and commit suicide like that?”

Bravely, the ginger haired girl searched his gaze- she didn’t back down when he met her with a terrifying stare.

_Maybe I shouldn’t just stamp her off as an idiot._

“No”, Goro replied. “No way in _hell_ was she that kind of woman. She was-“ he swallowed the rest of his sentence. He didn’t feel like sharing those few, precious memories he had of her- those wonderful times when she had patted him on the head and praised him for being the best son she could have.

Yes, there were bad times- times where she had spent crying in a room, unable to provide herself or him with money. That had been the time when she had told him those horrible words- about him being unlovable.

But how could he even blame her when she had been under the constant pressure of being persecuted and had to fight with the idea of death everyday? When she had to ensure his and her safety? When she was scared of putting even one foot outside because it could mean losing everything for a single run to the supermarkert? Goro had merely stopped being afraid of his impending doom because he had stopped caring about his life. Akemi Akechi hadn’t- she must have…

“She was a fighter, really. Your mother fought so hard to protect both of you, Goro. She didn’t want to die- probably because she cared for both of you. If she died alone, who would take care of you? And if you died…surely a part of her would die alongside. And above all that- she didn’t want to bow to Shido. She didn’t back off- she fought teeth and nail. I’m sure.”

Ren clasped his hand, squeezing it.

“She was admirable. And we’re going to give Shido hell for making someone like that leave the world. He probably didn’t have enough power over the police to cover this incident up- which is why the case file is as messy as it is.”

There was a fire burning in Ren’s eyes- a blaze so hot Goro was afraid of what’d happen if he was consumed by it.

Yet, he couldn’t resist throwing himself into the very same flames he should be so terrified of.

“We’re going to get him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to spam you guys after this very important revelation, so I'll dump all my thoughts next chapter. For now...let this sink in...  
> (you are still welcome to comment ofc ;) )


	44. The Hierophant revealed his secrets; The Fool marches on, unable to turn back

They decided to walk Futaba back together. The revelations -or theories- of the day shook all of them to the core, and no one wanted to be left alone after that.

Goro stiffened when they neared what was supposedly the Sakura’s home. A figure was standing in front of the door, puffing smoke into the air.

Ren didn’t let Goro turn back and leave, though. If anything, he tightened his grasp on the brunet’s hand, determination driving him forward.

Futaba loudly complained about the smell of smoke, to which Sojiro only patted her on the head and told her to go upstairs already. She complied quickly, throwing back a cheerful goodbye.

Goro quickly turned around, not wanting to engage with Sojiro in any way- he had been through a lot this night, he didn’t need another emotional breakdown.

But again, Ren didn’t budge.

“You know the truth by now, Sojiro. About Shido and Futaba.”

Ren’s voice was solemn, firm.

It was difficult to make out the elder man’s expression in the dark as he puffed out another line of smoke.

“And you’re not dumb enough to overlook the fact that Futaba’s already agreed to play a role in our plan. Siblings or not, she can stand injustice as well as I do. I’ll stand by my decision. Taking Shido down isn’t only for Goro’s sake, you know? It also involves revenge for Akira- and myself. The gears are starting to turn, Sojiro. Are you really going to continue to be stubborn about this?”

The answer was a white line of smoke.

The grip on Goro’s hand tightened.

“It’s too late to tell you to stay out of danger, huh?” Sojiro’s voice didn’t let any emotions bleed out.

“It is.”

“And you really think- risking all of our lives is worth it?”

“I don’t know about the worth. The only thing I care about is being able to live happily- without me or my boyfriend being shackled down by chains.”

Sojiro let out another puff.

“I still don’t like this, Ren. I’ll never approve of it. But I suppose you leave me no choice but to oblige- at least for my own kids’ sake…I’ll play along to whatever scheme you’re doing. But don’t come crying to me when it all comes crashing down, like I once said- I’ll tell you I told you so.”

“So…you won’t sell Goro out if the worst case scenario kicks in?”

“Well, I don’t know how I’ll act in the situation, exactly…But I suppose assholes have triumphed and gained too much power about young’uns like you for too long, now.”

“Stop being so cryptic.”

“Fine. I know nothing about Goro Akechi- neither who he is, where he lives- who he affiliates with. I can give you that much. In return…”

Sojiro came closer, and Goro bristled, though the attention wasn’t really on him, anyway.

The older man laid a hand on Ren’s hair.

“Stay alive, please. I have a bad feeling how this is gonna pan out- but I know life has turned me into a pessimist. So it’s your turn to make me think otherwise. I suppose…partly, I regret not acting as soon as you do. I wondered how things would have turned out if I had started protecting Wakaba much, much sooner. The idea occurred to me just after you and me clashed. Instead, I watched the wheels turn without acting- turning me into a helpless bystander as Wakaba met her fate. Well, no use crying over spilled milk, I guess. Maybe I was so frustrated and angry because I envy you, son. You have the fire and the courage I lacked back then.”

Even in the dark, both of the boys could make out the smile on Sojiro’s face.

“Go prove this old man how stupid he was for being afraid.”

Ren tried searching Sojiro’s gaze. “You know no one- neither me nor Futaba- would ever think you were a coward, nor do we judge your past actions- or non-actions, for that matter. You did your absolute best to protect Futaba and her mother back then- even today. I know so, because Futaba told me over and over again how you wanted to be involved much more and Isshiki pushed you away. And as far as I know…Futaba said her mother was happy with you. You didn’t act wrongly, Sojiro. I mean, no one knows how our plan against Shido will turn out- maybe we’ll look back in ten years and think ‘Ah, we should have just stayed low and not interfered’. But that’s not what I think now. Now, I’d regret not fighting with everything I have.”

Sojiro hummed. “Wise words for a kid like you. Well, don’t be too reckless- if you do need help, just call out, I suppose.”

“Only if you never spout nonsense like today again, Sojiro.”

“Hey, I’m the older one, don’t forget- don’t start commandeering me around.”

Ren and Sojiro shared a smile.

Goro just wanted to leave- though a part of him was happy Ren had been able to reconcile with his father.

“You know, that goes for you too, kid.”

Goro needed a minute to realize Sojiro had spoken up to him.

“What?”

“Stay alive. I can’t risk a heart disease and let my son run into danger without gaining anything from it. If you make it out of this with Ren, I guess I can at least be sure he’ll be overjoyed. That’s enough for me. I don’t regret acting the way I did towards you- but I suppose Ren’s happiness is inevitably tied to you now. And I’ll be damned if I try to refuse him that. Now go and make yourselves scarce- you’ll both freeze to death if you don’t return to Leblanc soon.”

Ren pressed a kiss to Goro’s cheek, eliciting a sigh from Sojiro’s lips.

“And Ren?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t forget to keep your handsy part of the relationship private.”

“Yeah, yeah, no fucking.”

“No, I- urgh, I can’t believe I’m saying this- just don’t let Futaba overhear or see anything. Same thing goes for me. Whatever you do when I’m not there is none of my business. Now leave!”

***

“I think Sojiro just allowed me to have sex with you in Leblanc. Wow.”

Ren still looked stunned when they stumbled back into the warm interior of the café.

Goro’s cheeks flamed red, despite the exhaustion in his bones and his soul, despite the raging beast that had yet not calmed- it had skunked back into its lair, suppressed by Goro’s will.

“Well, that’s a first. And he admitted to caring about you, somewhat. I think we managed a lot today. But the exhaustion on your face is clear to me. You went through a lot – once again. Let’s take some time to recover.”

Ren sent Goro a reassuring smile- one that attempted to snag the anxiety and the exhaustion weeping from his every inch of body away.

He sort of succeeded. Goro let himself be pampered, shutting of his brain to ignore the revelations of the day and tune out for a while. Ren took off his coat, shoes, attempted to change his clothes before Goro playfully swatted the hands away and told him to buzz off.

“Sojiro might have allowed you to have sex with me, but I’m not so sure how I feel about you sticking your tongue down my throat when I saw every part of my inner stomach today.”

Concern flashed on Ren’s face. “You okay now? Does your stomach hurt? Any nausea left?”

“I’m fine.”

“Your throat must hurt, though- and I even made you talk so much. Damn me!”

“Stop. Stop it. Don’t blame yourself for something stupid like that. My throat is a little sore, but it’s nothing-“

“I wish there was some tea or something I could give you, but water is usually the best option considering your earlier state.” Ren was mumbling, off into his own world.

Goro snapped him back by putting their foreheads against each other. Stormy eyes hefted onto his face, their full attention on Goro, Goro, nothing else but-

_I really wish I hadn’t gotten sick today._

_I just want to get lost in you._

“I’m fine. Calm down already. I didn’t catch any illness from outside- I’ll be fine once I’ve had some good sleep.”

A soft touch on his cheek made him shiver involuntarily.

“Tomorrow night, I’ll be massaging you to sleep, I swear. Hopefully that might help clear away some of your exhaustion.”

“So eager to touch me?” Goro had a small chuckle incoming, but he caught it midway when he heard Ren’s reply.

“Always, Goro. I always feel like touching you. Fuck, I can barely hold myself back right now- but…”

Fascinated, Goro watched a blush creep up Ren’s cheeks, and the raven raised a hand, running it through his hair in an attempt to divert Goro’s attention.

“I guess…I realized I’m…sort of a romantic when it comes to you. I don’t just…want to pounce on you and have it be a spur of the moment thing. I guess I’m waiting for the…right time- argh, stop embarrassing me! Besides, today was really tough on all of us, I don’t think this is even inappropriate to talk about but-”

Amused, Goro watched on as Ren stomped his foot against the ground, turning around with a huff. “Fuck, I’m supposed to be suave and cool, this isn’t like me at all…”

Just when Goro came up with a witty remark, Ren tilted his head so their gazes could meet yet again. The faint blush was still apparent, but there was a passionate desire burning bright in Ren’s sultry eyes, making Goro forget how to breathe.

“You always make me lose my cool, Goro.”

A faint smile graced Goro’s face.

_And you always make me win mine back._

“There’s nothing to lose when there wasn’t anything to begin with, Ren.”

Ren laughed- threw his head back and let out a full-hearted laugh, one so full of stars and shine, Goro reveled in the sound, hoping it may never end, hoping and feeling the way its sound replaced the worries and fear and anger, sending it away like a breeze scattering dust- only for a blissful peace to remain. The raven came closer, throwing his arms around Goro’s waist and dragging him back to the sorry excuse of a bed.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to make you believe I’m cool, then.”

“That might take some time.”

“That’s okay. I’m ready to commit for a lifetime.” A brilliant smile on his lips, Ren shone brightly.

Goro closed his eyes, nuzzling closer, indulging himself in Ren’s comforting warmth and smell, something he still hadn’t grown sick of.

“Me, too”, he whispered quietly, half-asleep when they had finally fallen onto the bed.

_You make me look forward to the future._

He missed the hitch in Ren’s breathing.

***

“Have a good day, Goro. Don’t forget to stay hydrated and take a break to eat the food I packed you. Sorry I couldn’t make you any rusk- the ones from outside tend to be a little sweet, and I’m not sure how you’d like them, anyway.”

“I told you I was fine. Stop worrying about me.”

It was true- albeit yesterday reveals had Goro’s soul still in its tight hold, waking up to Ren and murmured declarations of love- well, safe to say the glowing warmth spreading through his body eased his mind a little.

“You know that’s easier said than done.”

“Well, at least you can kiss me without worryin-mmmpf!”

Just as the words left his lips, Ren pressed their lips flush together, embracing Goro in a vigorous kiss. When he let go of Goro, he seemed to be glowing.

“Great idea. Just replenished my energy for the day.”

“From just one kiss?”

“Are you telling me you’re needy for more?” Ren twirled one of Goro’s locks around his finger. The brunet only raised an eyebrow in turn.

When the detective only sighed, worry overcame the raven.

“Goro?”

“Sorry. I didn’t- want to bring the mood down.”

“No, it’s fine. Was I out of line?”

Goro shook his head.

“I’m just…I was thinking of my mother.” He was not strong enough to hide his simmering thoughts from Ren.

_Or maybe I just don’t want to hide._

“Goro.” Ren stepped closer, emotions tingling in his eyes.

“I…I was just thinking…that you were right, in a way. She used to pamper me, too. At the beginning, when we had left the shelter, she’d leave me on my own often and worry about my wellbeing.” The words bubbled forth of him, like they were trying to break free.

“She told me how I didn’t deserve a bad mother like her. That- I should have been granted a caring family, not the broken, jarred one I was born into.”

Ren didn’t interrupt him, allowing him to talk on. Goro was thankful for that.

“I don’t know how I remember. It’s- funny. But when we finished breakfast, it felt like…there was some sort of flash in my head, and suddenly, I had this- this memory- I don’t even know whether I’m tricking myself or not-“

“Goro, no one could trick themselves into thinking and conjuring up so many ima-“

“But I think I can. I think some part of me is desperate enough to create these memories. Yet I-“

The detective’s voice broke.

“I don’t want to believe it’s a lie. But I’m not strong enough to believe in myself just yet.”

“You can be.”

“I need time until then. Can I request something?” Goro’s voice became choked, and it became more and more difficult for him to form words.

Ren nodded.

“Can I unload all that- all those things springing around in my head- and tell you? So that-“ Goro gulped, tears shimmering in the corner of his eyes, blurring his vision. “So that…when I think of bad things, and want to tear the world down…can you remind me that not all was bad? That I- that Mother seemed to have some sort of attachment to protect me from- from Shido at least- so that I don’t dishonor her memory. I don’t want that- I don’t want to live on with misconceptions clouding my mind, I-“

Tears fell, and with them, his voice subsided, only muted sobs escaping him as he was pulled into a hug.

Ren whispered the next words, but Goro heard his voice shaking. “You’d trust me with something to precious?”

“You’re the only one I could ever unload this task on. Only you would be able to make me believe that- that those were my memories, were part of my past- because you were- you were right-“ Goro thought his mouth had only formed the words, unable to speak them, yet some strange power had enabled him to press out the words in a desperate attempt to let his thoughts run free.

The beast had been coaxed out of its lair- yet its anger had vanished, and only a painful, hollow feeling remained as it howled out into the darkness.

“I was right when I said she loved you.”

“I don’t know.” Goro wailed into Ren’s shoulder. “I don’t know-“

“But you want to believe.”

Goro wordlessly nodded, rubbing his forehead against Ren’s skin.

“Fuck, Goro, of course- of course I’ll do that.”

“I don’t want to burden you-“

“Why one earth would this be a burden? You’re entrusting me your most precious inner being- your childhood self I was never able to meet. Your mother I would have loved to get to know. There’s nothing- _nothing,_ Goro- that would turn even remotely make me think this was a burden. It’s a gift.”

“Okay.”

For a while, the two men merely stood together, basking in each other’s presence.

“See, I’d love to keep you in my arms and spoil you forever, but- Goro, your train’s leaving soon, and I don’t want you to run late.”

“I’m well aware.” A last sniffle resounded before Goro wiped his entire face clean with Ren’s shirt.

“You need to wash this.”

“Coming from the one who just caused my shirt to become dirty. Next time, stain it with cum, not with your tears and snot, okay? Or maybe the tears and cum- ow, don’t hit me, Goro, Goro, sorry!”

Laughing, Ren evaded Goro’s incoming punches, wishing him a good day. “Don’t forget- I’m only a call away for you to reach me.”

With a last nod- and a check in the mirror to see if he looked presentable enough- Goro left Leblanc and stepped out into the cold morning air.

“Off to university and work, I guess…” he mumbled, mentally preparing himself for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAannnnd scene cut.   
> Phew. Oh my gosh. Hrrrrr. I told you guys I'd yell about last chapter's revelations here, but honestly, there's very few things I wanna say. I hope you liked the scene in general and its fall out. My heart weeped when Goro cried out to the world and screamed his pain out, yet at the same time, feelings as grief and mourn are nothing he's been taught once again, and he's unable to really deal with how he feels about his Mother's passing. At the same time, maybe it's also good, in a way, that he can't hang himself up on feelings of mourn and sadness, and instead grasps onto every single memory he can get that tells him happy things. Since he does not trust himself to hoard them, Ren is sort of his treasure box now- he's just dumping his stuff on him, and while he's constantly worried he's tiring Ren out, he is also the only one he can trust.
> 
> WOAH. And now, Sojiro might still not feel extremly attached to Goro, like Futaba- he really wants these kids to bring some hope into life and show him that daring things could end well, too. Well, we'll see how the story unfolds as we walk on!   
> Hopefully I was able to express Goro's emotions well. He and Ren will obviously end up discussing about his Mother for the rest of his life, but for now, Ren can sense Goro needs some time- either to escape reality or to brood a bit over things himself- so he doesn't poke Goro and just wants him to open up on his own ;)
> 
> As always, leave a comment wherever you like!!!


	45. The Fool rushes on, supported by the Moon's love; hand in hand, the play continues (just in other ways than one)

The day did not pass by well.

It didn’t start out badly, however- school passed by just fine, with Akira having found a new book he gushed about during break times, and Ann relentlessly texting him during lessons. Goro, ever the quick adapter, had gotten better at texting without being caught, and so he spent a majority of the class listening to Ann gush about what sort of clothes would fit perfectly well on Goro’s body.

Things went south when Goro entered the police station.

The familiar feeling of nausea caught up with him as he tried working through his assignments- voices haunted him inside his head, telling him what a good little puppet he was, how well he played into his father’s hands. A different voice called him names, namely a ‘pathetic wuss’ for not picking the gun and killing who deserved to die.

He wanted nothing more to kill those voice off, but he never succeeded.

Needless to say, Goro went crazy- he ran over and over to the restrooms, craned above the toilet seats so he could empty his stomach, but the bile never came- just the feeling of nausea and going insane.

When he disappeared from his place a sixth time, Sae checked in on him. He didn’t have any obvious signs of illness- but it was obvious he was feeling unwell. Goro stubbornly refused to admit he was ill, until Sae somehow made him confess that he’d sort of been quite sick yesterday.

_Sick of a man walking on the surface of this world._

She sighed.

“Akechi, sometimes even _you_ need a break. Especially when you’re ill- if not for your own sake, at least for your coworkers. Go and cure yourself from whatever is bugging you for a bit before you come back.”

“I am perfectly fine, Miss Nijima, please-“

“You’re not bullshitting your way out of this, Akechi. I’m well aware something’s wrong- you’ve never in your entire life been worn down this badly. But it’s not my place to pry your secrets away. You haven’t taken a paid vacation in, well, ever, have you? Take it now. A week to cure you of your virus or whatever. I’ll help explain the director your condition, and surely, he’d rather give you the week off than risk getting an entire task force ridden with a virus.”

Sae had a stern look on her face, one that allowed no rebuttal.

Goro’s shoulder deflated. He hated himself for being so weak- he hated being vulnerable and showing this side to Sae, or anyone else, that was.

Maybe it wasn’t so wrong of Sae to suggest he take some time off- he could try and prepare for the counterplan against Shido, as well as come to terms with the fact that entering a precinct shouldn’t trigger any hard feelings residing in him. He could work on hiding his insecurities and his feelings much, much better after he started derailing this badly.

But there was a risk involved in this, too. Sure, Shido was undoubtedly busy with election preparations- but he would get to hear about a vacation Goro requested and grow suspicious.

Or send his goons after him for failing to be a workaholic.

Goro clicked his tongues. No, he couldn’t just take Sae’s help like that- it’d be too suspicious. He needed some other excuse to take the week off- funny, how he had already decided to come to terms with it, that was.

Must have been Ren’s relentless ‘Let me take care of you’ speeches.

What if…he suffered under an accident while at work? Well, Shido wouldn’t really care about injuries, that was for sure- so that wouldn’t work either.

“Akechi?”

Something, there had to be something.

So if he couldn’t get injured, or fall ill- what if he was forcibly suspended from work? Not because of his own mistake, but because someone else didn’t want him on the force for now. It’d mean taking yet another unpaid leave, but it wouldn’t arise as much suspicion if someone from the higher circle didn’t want Goro working.

Question was, how could he manage that?

Hm.

“Akechi, are you still there?”

Then again, he couldn’t risk someone else reporting him - it’d throw a bad light on his impeccable image. Being suspended from work would tatter Shido’s image badly, and while Goro wanted nothing more than to do that- he knew the risk, and the danger, and they weren’t worth it yet.

So the only excuse to be absent from work was- work.

Hmmmm.

An idea sprung into his head- it was a little risky, but it might just be the thing he needed. Ignoring Sae’s calls, he frantically ran back to his work desk, scanning through the piles of paper- until he found what he was looking for.

A boring, quaint little case of observing a shop. It was called ‘Untouchable’- located in Shibuya. Apparently, some shady people had been observed to frequent the shop, and Goro was supposed to keep an eye on things.

These cases came by from time to time, and they were more mocking than something to be taken seriously. Usually, Goro would act as if he’d been staying near whatever shop had been classified as ‘suspicious’ by taking a few pictures and writing a report at the end of roughly two weeks.

Now, this sort of ‘field study’ proved to be the perfect excuse to disappear from his workplace for a while.

He’d have to talk to the Deputy Chief- if possible, right now, or else he’d be too busy to receive Goro. The brunet was pretty sure he was affiliated to Shido, meaning Goro could be sure his activities would be reported back to his father- perfect. Killing two birds with one stone.

He was just about to leave when a strong hand held him back.

“I do hope you will explain me what you’re thinking after this.”

Sae could be a menace if she wanted to, he knew- it was fine. He could comply.

Goro gave her his best smile. “Sure.”

***

“I’m back- oh.” Goro should have known better, but he was surprised to see Sojiro behind the counter, and not Ren. But of course- he hadn’t bothered to call Ren up, and the detective had come home much later.

Despite the animosity having been sort of cleared, there was a churning ball of anxiety in Goro’s stomach as he passed by the owner of this place. He kept his head low, hoping to get by without saying anything, but…

“Don’t look like that. I’m not going to bite you.”

Goro winced, flashing Sojiro a smile. “Oh, whatever are you talking about? I’m perfectly- well-“

“You don’t need to keep up that weird TV persona with me. I told you- you mean too much to Ren than that I could possibly try and do something anymore. I suppose I owe you an apology- not for my actions, since I don’t regret them- but for scaring you. I know a scared child if I see one- I’ve already raised two kids looking like that.”

Goro was sure Sojiro would have taken a drag from his cigarette if he’d ever start smoking in the café.

“Let’s go with truce, and not war, okay?”

The older man smiled at him. “Also, Ren went out for some shopping, so you should probably call him up if you want him to come back earlier. He told me you usually come back late- in roughly three hours, he told me.”

“Ah…yes. Today, a…situation sort of came to be, so I-“

Sojiro waved him off. “I don’t really need an explanation. Just always make sure you clean up and close the café properly, as always, okay? I worry the kid neglects it sometimes.”

“Ren is very diligent when it comes to his duties. You shouldn’t worry about that.”

“Hm.” Sojiro turned away, making the plates clink as he magically served up a plate of curry. “Well, dig in until our ‘diligent boy’ comes back home. Can’t have you starving here, I say.”

“Because Ren would get angry?”

“No, because it would lower our café’s reputation if we let our customers starve or go thirsty.”

Goro smiled at that- it was a small smile, but it felt more genuine than anything he’d ever shown Sojiro before.

“Well, I suppose I shouldn’t refuse, then.”

Again did Sojiro’s curry prove to be slightly better than Ren’s. Goro couldn’t quite explain why- where Ren’s food was most unusually surprising and unique, Sojiro’s was plain and simple. But maybe that was the secret ingredient: perfectioning one meal instead of finding surprising combinations.

Oh well. At least he could tease the raven with this.

The doorbell chimed, and a familiar, chipper voice resounded. “Hey, Boss, you know what? I found this really awesome stationery shop- Goro?”

Ren was momentarily frozen at the doorstep, before his eyes crinkled into a gentle smile. “Hey. You’re back awfully early.”

He came closer, dropped himself next to Goro on one the bar stools and put a plastic bag onto the seat next to him.

“How come?”

Despite the fact that they weren’t alone, Goro didn’t mind explaining what had happened. In a hushed tone, he begun talking.

“I didn’t…feel quite so well at work. Don’t worry- it didn’t end badly, but I wasn’t in a very…functioning state.”

“Oh.” Ren’s brows furrowed, a concerned frown grazing his face. “How…come?”

“I don’t know. I suppose…earlier revelations may have shaken me up more than I’d like to admit.” Ren threw an arm over Goro’s shoulder. The detective smiled warmly at the affectionate gesture. “I told you not to worry, sap. Anyway- I realized I was pretty useless. But I couldn’t just excuse myself for some sort of illness befalling me, you know? A certain someone would grow suspicious, no matter how busy he may be.”

Ren tilted his head to the side. “So my beautiful boyfriend came up with a plan?”

Goro nodded. “Indeed. See, from time to time, the upper circle of the police department likes to tease me with some…tedious, unnecessary work. Like observing a shop for no reason. Usually, I sort of make my way around the one week to two weeks observation trips…but this time, it proved to be rather useful.”

A wicked smile crept up Goro’s face. “I took the case they had assigned me and went to the Deputy Chief. I explained him that I needed a week off to focus entirely on observing any suspicious behavior or illegal goods. Obviously, I would be absent from university as well- however, any work I could do from home would still be taken care of, of course. Also, the Deputy Chief is good friends with Shido. Anyway, it took some of my most marvelous, shiniest TV smiles, but at least the Chief saw reason- he was laughing at me for taking such a case seriously, but it’s still work after all- so he couldn’t just outright refuse. I also explained I’ll be going undercover so my fangirls don’t disturb the field work- so in case no one spots me hanging around a certain alley- that’s because I’m well disguised.”

“So you’re…excused from work for a week?”

“Beginning tomorrow, yes, but technically I’ll be off for a bit longer than a seven day span.”

“You’re such a sly fox, Goro.”

“I tend to relate more to crows, actually. They’re smart, cunning, are a symbol of justice, and…”

He grabbed Ren’s chin, tilting him towards himself.

“They like shiny things- and snatch them away at the best opportunity, keeping them to themselves.”

The raven grinned.

“Boys, can you stash the flirting away for later?”

Goro’s hand fell away as if he’d been burned- his cheeks were set ablaze once again, having forgotten the presence of the older man.

“Um. Yes. Anyway, I’ll obviously still have to work on some stuff- and make the occasional observation trip with pictures and videos of the shop, actually- to be credible.”

“Which shop is it?”

“It’s located in a back alley in Shibuya. It’s called…Untouchable?”

Ren burst into laughter. It earned him a frown. “Did I say something funny?”

“No- no- oh my gosh, Goro-“ Ren was laughing tears. “What did Iwai even _do,_ to get on your list- oh, I need to tell him!” Ren was clutching his stomach, nearly doubling over.

When Sojiro smacked him on the head and forced him to explain, Goro couldn’t help but chuckle himself.

There was still a tinge of jealousy residing inside him, remembering how Ren had told him he’d slept with the gun shop owner ages ago. But he knew he was being unreasonable, and tried to push the feeling away.

Besides, the guy was… _ancient_ if compared to Goro. Surely Goro’s youth was still more attractive to the raven than a middle aged man with a kid.

_I’m being ridiculous._

“So the owner is that friend of yours that was formerly part of the Yakuza? And he sells- toy weapons at his shop?”

“I mean, I guess he could get you the real stuff, too, if you wanted- and if he trusted you. But otherwise, he’s clean, I swear- I’d put my hand in a fire if it meant protecting him. He has this kid- Kaoru- and all he cares about these days is spending time with him and earning a bit to support their family lifestyle.”

A part of Goro’s heart stirred at that- a man who tried to protect his child and was valued highly in Ren’s regards really didn’t seem like he’d have any dirt on him.

“I can even tell him to take pictures and videos himself, actually. It’d spare you the trips to Shibuya. And we’d have more time together. Actually, I’ll ask him right now- I’ll only have to work for a few shifts in compensation, I’m sure. Hold on-“

Ren fiddled with his phone, despite Goro’s protests, and went upstairs to continue the phone call.

He ended up choking after he heard the words ‘Hi, Gun Daddy’- and from the look on Sojiro’s face, the older man was just as scandalized.

After a brief period in where Goro contemplated killing Ren or this Iwai guy, Ren happily skipped down the stairs again, planting a quick smooch on Goro’s cheek.

“He agreed! So now you don’t have to worry about that anymore. He’ll take pictures of the outside and the inside everyday- he can even take some further away from the alley if you need to.”

“I don’t need someone I don’t know to do me a favor, Ren.”

“Oh, but I want to support my mischievous, cunning boyfriend to get as much out of his non-vacation as possible. I mean, you still have to write a report on the shop, right? We can go visit together if you like. But for the rest, rely on me- or Iwai, that is. Please? You know you don’t get off time from work like this- as in, ever. And I can do my best to clear my schedule as well-“

“I don’t need you to do that. I’d feel more than just guilty for ripping you away from your…many duties.”

“Chill, it’s not like I can take off everything- you’ll still need to kill some time yourself. But for anything that’s not quite urgent, I can find a way to work around. I told you I want to spend more time with you from the beginning- and this seems like the perfect opportunity. Please, Goro?”

Maybe it was because Goro still wasn’t sure whether he’d still be alive in a few months- or maybe Ren’s puppy eyes had a greater impact on him that he’d like to admit. The only thing Goro knew was that he begrudgingly agreed.

And that Ren smooched him in excitement, earning him another chop on the head by Sojiro.

“Urgh, kid, please.” “Jealous of our beautiful relationship, Boss?” “You’re still in public so long as I’m around. Behave yourself!”

Despite the stern warning, Ren only laughed, keeping up light conversation with both him and Sojiro- the cunning boy even succeeded in roping Sojiro and Goro into a discussion about how to run a business.

After a bit of time, Sojiro told them he was done for the day- costumers had been trickling in and out for a bit, but the influx had subsided, and Sojiro was worried Futaba would actually attempt to cook today. Apparently, the last time she tried, the fire department had shown up for a luckily only minor accident.

Still, Sojiro did not want to risk that ever again. He told Ren to close up whenever he felt like it, and bad goodbye to the two youngsters.

As Ren wiped the tables, chatting on about various topics, Goro spared a curious glance into the plastic bag still seated on one of the bar stools.

“Earlier, when you came back…you were trying to tell Sojiro about a stationery shop, I assume? Is your…purchase related to that?”

Ren rose from where he had been bending over the table to wipe off the dirt- _Mhm, that was quite the interesting pose, shame I made him stop-_ and a wry grin settled on his face.

“Sorry, I don’t- I don’t mean to pry, I was just-“

Lazily, Ren strode over to his stuttering boyfriend, throwing his arms around his neck and intertwining them loosely. “Curious?” he finished the sentence, blowing the words into Goro’s ear- that fucker. He knew exactly Goro would shudder involuntarily at that, considering the awfully sultry tone his voice had taken on.

Goro took a blind aim at Ren’s face, pushing him back- but his hand connected with Ren’s mouth, and of course, _of course,_ the raven pressed a gentle kiss against the palm of his hand, causing the detective to snap his hand back as if he’d been burned- and his cheeks shared the sentiment.

Ren let out an airy chuckle, before releasing Goro and seating himself again, grabbing the bag. “I actually planned to tell you later, but now is a good time as any. See, I bought some stuff- actually, they’re for you, though there was something I got for myself as well.”

The barista pulled something out of the bag that was wrapped in gift paper, a silver, shiny plain color. Atop of the rectangular gift, another weird shape wrapped in gift paper had been attached with some tape. It was weirdly long for something so round, and Goro had a hunch what it could be.

“Sorry I didn’t end up wrapping it myself. But I suck at those things, and I wanted it to look good.”

“You…bought this for me?”

Goro Akechi had never received a gift in his life. At least, not one like this- wrapped and exquisitely picked for him. There had been plenty of presents by his fan circle or whatever politician had taken a liking on him after Shido introduced them to each other, but Goro knew the intention of each and every gift. There was always some sort of payback involved.

The brunet furrowed his brows. “I don’t- what do you expect in return?”

“What?”

Ren seemed just as confused as Goro was. The detective explained on.

“Uhm, I…I’m afraid I don’t quite understand the meaning behind this- present. Or its intention. Do you want me to…pay you back in affection? Or buy you another present? Or-“

“No, what? What the hell…Goro, sorry- I always forgot what sort of shitty life you’ve been through. I just- bought you this for a bit of a selfish purpose, actually. Whether you end up liking and using it or not is your choice- I wouldn’t blame you if you thought this was a stupid idea. But, really- I don’t want anything in return, exactly. That’s sort of fucked up. I didn’t buy you something so you’d be in debt- I just…thought it’d be a nice idea. I’m sure you’ll call me silly, though. Come on, open up- I don’t wanna spoil the surprise.”

“But I can’t just take this from you. I wouldn’t be able to offer-“

“Goro, for real this time: you should _never_ think you owe me anything- especially not when I do something as selfish as buying you a present. The ultimate goal is to make you a little happier with this- though, frankly, I’m not sure you’ll even like it- so just open it! Come on.”

Goro was still unsure about this- but he decided there’d be no harm in opening what Ren had spent so much time picking out.

Unwrapping the weirdly shaped gift, Goro pulled out a fountain pen- it looked very sleek and classy, kept in a deep black color that blended in seamlessly with a few silver gleaming parts.

In stark contrast to the dark color, a silver ‘G’ was embossed at the end of the pen, catching Goro’s attention.

“Apparently, the stationery shop imprints a few letters for free- I didn’t know how you felt about your entire name being printed on the pen, so I stayed safe with your first letter. But open the other present- I can’t quite explain what this is about unless you’ve seen it all.”

Numbly, Goro carefully unwrapped the other present- a sturdy, fine leather notebook, clad in a deep blue color. In the middle of the cover, another ‘G’ was imprinted- this time, in a shiny black.

Goro couldn’t quite understand what this was about.

“Sooo…you’ll probably call me a sentimental fool for this, but uh…I thought a lot about what you told me this morning. With your mother and…your memories.” Ren’s tone had softened, and he observed Goro’s expressions with a wistful look in his eyes. “I might be overstepping some boundaries- but you know how fickle the human mind can be, right? Twisting and turning memories, even making us forget them.”

There was a lump rapidly forming in Goro’s throat.

“I thought- how could I possibly ensure that your valuable memories wouldn’t get lost in the passage of time? That’s when I passed by this stationery store- and it clicked. Look at this…”

Ren pulled out another leather notebook from the plastic bag, but this one wasn’t wrapped- it was kept in black, and there was no letter imprinted on it.

“I thought- for times when you want me to remember, I’ll write the things down in my own notebook. But for other memories- that might be too precious for you to share- you should have your own space to let your thoughts run free. I don’t mean to use these books exclusively for your mother’s keepsake- it can be anything, actually. I’ll definitely add the days and things about you in here that I wish to uphold for a long, long time- things that made both of us happy. Like when you said you trusted me! You can use your notebook however you wish, too- sort of like a diary. Not very original, I know. But, uh…”

Ren cleared his throat. “You have the permission to open my notebook anytime you feel down or need a little cheer me up, I guess. I can’t promise to stay by your side 24/7, after all- and there might be times you don’t want to physically reach out to me. That’s when you can pull out my notebook. Well, that’s the gist behind it, rea- Goro?”

The detective had pressed his palms against his eyes, hoping to suppress the emotional turmoil rising up inside him- but it was no use. Ren extracted the hands covering his face, letting the tears fall freely, dripping on the counter with a quiet thud.

There was a heaviness in these tears Goro couldn’t quite understand.

“Oh, hey…” Ren stood up, drawing closer to the brunet who had started wheezing, and encircling him in a soft hug. Goro felt Ren kiss the top of his head before burying his nose in his hair, murmuring soothing words against his skin.

Goro hiccupped, the sound drowned out against Ren’s clothes- but Ren picked up the surge passing through Goro’s body momentarily, and tightened his hold on the brunet in turn.

They stayed like that until Goro began pushing against the raven, easily breaking the hug- though his face was still tear-stained.

“You know I’ll never be able to repay you.” _For all the things you do for me._

Ren had a light smile on his lips. “This has never been about repaying, Goro. And I want you to ban those kind of thoughts away.”

Goro felt another tear roll down his cheek. “I’m not worth it.”

_I could never attempt to even the odds between us._

The smile on Ren’s face disappeared, and he frowned sternly. Hands cupped Goro’s cheeks as Ren let their foreheads knock together.

“But you are. You’re worth even more than this. And whoever made you think you aren’t worth this deserves nothing less than death.”

Goro chuckled. “Then you’ll have to kill me.”

“No, I’ll just have you get rid of those demons residing in your head.”

“Well, you’ll be plenty busy then.”

“I don’t mind. As long as I’m busy with you, I couldn’t possibly be unhappy.”

_How?_

Ren kissed him.

“Now, stop focusing on whether you deserve attention and nice things or not and focus on how you feel about the present instead. Did I make you uncomfortable? Do you not like the gift?”

Goro managed something akin to a chuckle. “Well, as you said- the idea is that of a sentimental fool’s. The designs? Outstanding. You know my taste too well, it’s almost intimidating.”

“You don’t feel uncomfortable about the idea?”

“I can’t say it was ever something I considered. But…if I’ve never tried, I don’t know if it’s good or bad, right?”

“You mean, you want to give it a try?”

For just this once, Goro needed his flashy TV persona to make it through this- his feelings were too much to put into words, but the flawless charmer that made women swoon left and right would be able to tell what he was actually thinking about Ren’s present.

“Definitely. The idea is wonderful. And…”

“And?”

The TV prince persona fell flat- he just couldn’t upkeep it with Ren.

“I’ve never had anyone thinking about me when they picked out a present. At least…not like this. Not like…someone who knew what a mess I was. I…” The words felt thick and heavy on Goro’s tongue, having been used too often as a Detective Prince, and yet never meant sincerely.

“Thank you, Ren.”

The marvelous smile he got in return did not measure up with his measly words at all, and his breath got stuck in his throat all over again.

“You forget you’re a hot mess, Goro. Just like me.” Ren showed him a toothy grin as he let their lips crash together.

“We match, don’t you think?”

_I’m no match for you. Not at all._

“Definitely”, he replied instead.

_At least, I’ll attempt to match you- and what’s life without a challenge?_

Goro’s thoughts derailed as he got lost in a passionate kiss, his fingers suddenly entangled in Ren’s hair, and he sought the warmth of the sentimental fool like a freezing man near death.

“Maybe we should take this upstairs…” Ren murmured, his lips claimed by the brunet over and over again.

“I don’t really care where we take this.”

“You into exhibitionism? Hm, I don’t know how I feel about that. Guess we’ll have to- you’re hitting me!”

Goro realized he hadn’t ever liked anything more than the melodious laughter echoing in Leblanc.

***

“Futaba has been texting me.”

Goro moved his king, a plan forming in his head.

“Oh? Really? How come?” Ren answered to his move by moving his rook. It was endangering a pawn now.

“I don’t know. She said upon hearing I was a Featherman fan, she needed to test my…‘legitness’ is what she called it.” Goro decided Ren could take his pawn, and moved his horse instead.

Ren did not take his pawn, instead moving his rook dangerously close to Goro’s queen. “That sounds like her. And I bet she realized you’re as real as a fan can get.”

“Don’t spout nonsense.” Goro gnawed his lip, hoping to save his queen by moving the bishop in front of her.

“Don’t think I didn’t get why you were asking Sojiro if the TV downstairs is capable of recording shows. I know you sneak down sometimes when you can’t sleep and want to watch a rerun of the show.” Goro’s bishop was defeated, but that also put Ren’s rook in a position of danger.

He took the chance. “I merely think watching TV downstairs late at night is better than waking you. Besides, your TV in the attic is trash and can’t play anything except those DVD’s. The thing’s ancient.”

Goro had overseen the fact that his queen was now in line of one of Ren’s bishops. He clicked his tongue in anger as his strongest figure was defeated with an easy move on Ren’s side.

What’s more, Ren had efficiently put his chess figures in a position where he put Goro in a pinch.

“Check, Goro. You’re correct- the TV upstairs really is ancient. But I know for a fact that Futaba could record you the entire TV show on a DVD if you wanted her to.”

Goro was in a pinch. How could he efficiently maneuver his way out of this? For now, he’d have to go on defense.

“I’d rather acquire the show by legal means.”

“Well, if you want to- tell me. There’s this shop in Akihabara that sells the entire season.” Ren made a clever move. “Check- again. Hey, you admit to being a diehard fan at least- that’s something.”

Goro had anticipated the move, and countered it cleverly- now Ren’s queen was in danger by a single pawn and a rook. “I didn’t admit to anything. Besides, wasn’t it you who was a fan of the series in the past? I remember Akira saying something along the lines of you liking the show when you were younger.”

Ren moved his queen safely away. “Did you, now? He was the one who liked the show, and forced me to watch along. We always got into fights because of that…but I suppose the series isn’t all that bad.”

“Huh. And what are you into now, instead?”

Oh no. Ren had safely drawn Goro’s attention away from another wicked move- putting Goro’s king into danger. But it was too late.

“You. Checkmate.”

Goro sighed. “You should try and leave the bad puns out of a serious game of chess. I admit, I am impressed you won, though.”

“That was only after what, three defeats and one tie? But at least I have a Goro-free-wish coupon now. Hey, I wanna use it for a kiss!”

Goro rolled his eyes, albeit moving closer. “Don’t we do that often enough? Especially today.”

“Hmmm…you’re right. Then sit in my lap instead and give me a kiss!”

Ren had to listen to another soft-hearted insult, but Goro complied, and luckily didn’t move away after he had settled in nicely.

He did like that place, no matter what he said.

“Oh, wait- I totally forgot to tell you something.”

“Hm?” Goro was lazily playing with Ren’s hair, something he had taken a rapid interest in. The raven loved the newfound attention- but then again, Goro could probably step on him and Ren wouldn’t mind.

“I actually told Ann to gather all your friends and get them over to Leblanc tomorrow. We could forge a plan together.”

Goro’s face fell into an adorable scrunch. “They say too many cooks spoil the broth.”

“Yeah, but a few more heads often think of different stuff than one.” Ren pressed butterfly kisses to Goro’s throat. “I know you might not appreciate hurling them all into this- but I think it’s a good plan as any. They don’t seem like the type to abandon you knowing you’re in danger. And we could make use of a few extra hands- who knows, maybe they even have a few hidden tricks up their sleeves.”

Ren nuzzled his nose against Goro’s (sadly) clothed collarbone. “Are you angry? I can still call it off, I guess- I think Ann would be sad, but she doesn’t seem like she’d go against your wishes.”

Goro had fallen quiet, worrying Ren in turn. “Babe?” he murmured against the brunet’s neck, moving upwards again and leaving kisses here and there.

“Just because you and Ann were so accepting of me doesn’t mean the rest will throw themselves into a dangerous mission like this.”

“Ann was the one who said they would.”

“She could be mistaken.” The frown on Goro’s face deepened.

“Think of the opportunities, though.”

“Hm.” Conflict spoke out of Goro’s beautiful face, and Ren hated the reason for it.

“They won’t be in danger if we know what their role in the big plan is, Goro. If they decide not to participate, at least we’ll rest easy- but if they do want to, we can think of a bomb-ass secure plan to ensure their safety.”

“I’m not worried about them.” Goro was such a bad liar, it amused Ren from time to time how he could upkeep the act of the flawless Detective Prince.

“I know you are, Goro. Don’t lie. It’s okay- they’ll be fine.”

Goro fell against him, burying his head in the crook of Ren’s neck. His heart was racing- Ren was sure of it.

“We’ll all make it out of this.” It was strange to hear Goro be the one to say reassuring words for once. “I promise.” His voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

“Fucking yeah, we will.”

They sealed the pact with a kiss.

“I’m excited to meet Ann again, though. She seems like a very friendly girl- and the one you’re closest to, if we ignore Akira for an instance.” Ren’s hands moved to engulf Goro’s neck from behind, moving down to where Goro’s tense muscles played tug of war. He begun massaging them firmly, but gentle enough he didn’t hurt Goro.

The brunet sighed, his eyes fluttering close at the touch. “She’s just- very insistent.”

“You like her the most, though. Hopefully not more than me.” Ren’s hands moved away from Goro’s neck further down his shoulder blades, pressing lines and firm circles into the skin.

“You know, this would be a lot easier to do if you were less clothed. Not meant in the sexual way. But I think I should make true on my word to give you a massage- you really need it.”

“I’m taking too much without offering anything in return.”

“If you’re that worried about repaying, you can try and learn what I’m doing when I massage you. I’m not a pro by any means, though. But I guess I wouldn’t mind being your guinea pig for your massage exercises. But you know your lone presence is enough for me.”

“I can’t quite get myself to believe that, as much as I’d like to.”

“Well, let me pose the counter question: am I not enough for you, then? Do I need to buy you presents for you to indulge and enjoy some time with me?”

Goro’s eyes shot open, and those pretty hazel eyes hefted on the raven’s face with a fierce look. “Of course not!”

A wide looped grin was his reward. “Then you should start thinking like that when it comes to us in general. Including your own self-worth.” Ren pressed a kiss to the top of Goro’s nose.

“You know, sometimes I wonder who the real smooth talker here is. If you were the Detective Prince in my stead…”

“Everyone would hate me because I’d keep insulting their incompetence, really. I’m only like this with you.”

“Somehow, I can’t really see that.”

“You should! I’m nice to my friends and to people I don’t know, I try to be polite. But as soon as someone slips up on me, I stop being nice- and the rest of the world can kiss my ass. No one’s as special as you are, though. You’re secretly happy about monopolizing my good sides, right? It’s a Goro exclusive only right.”

With a sigh, Goro craned his head towards the abandoned chess board. “Checkmate”, he muttered.

Ren was smiling as he pressed another kiss to Goro’s check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goro finally gets a vacation!!! Yayyyy!  
> Well, the reason is pretty terrible, but you know. I need him to have some time off lol.  
> ALSO I LEGIT TEARED UP AT THE IDEA OF NOTEBOOK EXCHANGES. LIKE REN KNOWS GORO SO WELL AND THINKS IT'S BETTER IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING THAT'S VERBAL AND COMMUNICATES BUT STILL ISN'T TOO INTRUDING AND HRRRR gosh. Gosh I just. I really really really thought that was precious.  
> Next up is something at least one of you guys who commented were hoping to see....though it may not quite be what they wanted lmao xD


	46. The Hanged Man appears; he likes to poke and prod the Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We dive a little bit into Iwai's POV here (as you may have deduced from this chapter's title ;) ) so I just wanted to give you a heads up.

“This is- quite close to the real thing, actually. I was suspecting Ren was dramatizing how well-crafted your guns and weapons are, but they really do seem to be well made.” Fascinated, Goro turned the white gun in his hand- with all its intricate details, even a close up of the weapon didn’t let you think it was actually fake. “Impressive.”

Iwai threw a glance towards Ren. “So your first boyfriend’s into guns? Well, hope you stay safe in your bedroom, kid. Wouldn’t want to find you dead because your roleplay went too far.”

The gun crashed to the ground, and Goro fiddled with picking it up again, too flustered to show his face or retaliate.

Ren grinned. “I mean, he’s a detective. It comes with the job, don’t you think?”

Iwai merely gruffed, leaning back into his seat. “I must admit, I always thought you liked the dangerous ones.” “What, like yourself?” Ren laughed, unaware of the grim look on Goro’s face- who had finally emerged again.

 _So the boyfriend is the possessive type, huh,_ Iwai thought, immediately picking up on Goro’s gaze. Well, Ren was, too, in a way- so they could make an explosive combination. Or fit to a T, Iwai wasn’t sure

“You know I hate cops, though. Makes me wonder why you carried me a lap dog over.”

The famous TV Detective’s face grew a shade darker.

Iwai couldn’t know he was actually fueling insecurities here.

“I’m not a lap dog, whatever you may think. This was part of my duties- and I had to fulfill them. They also aligned with other purposes I wanted to achieve. Thank you most kindly for your cooperation. I’ll be sure to put in a good word with the police for you after this is over- oh, but do try to stay out of the shady business. It wouldn’t do me good if you were caught red-handed while smuggling drugs.”

The weaponry owner felt like belching at the radiant, fake smile on the brunet’s lips as the latter put the weapon back down.

“Mhm. Right. I’m not doing this for free, kid. Ren owes me, like always.”

“Of course. Owing, huh? I’ve heard about your affiliation with Ren, by the way. Isn’t it a bit…difficult, for a single father like you to go and sleep with someone who’s the same age as your son? I do hope you didn’t let him ‘owe’ you for anything and roped him into sex.”

 _Oh, the kid can spit poison, too, huh._ “Nah, not really. It was consensual, and Ren was getting really annoying with his advances. He was also long of legal age by then, I never took him up when he was still a teen. His behavior’s embarrassing, now that I think about it.”

“Uh, can we not talk about-“ Ren tried cutting in, but to no avail: Goro was staring daggers at Iwai, while the latter was thoroughly amused.

_Kid’s the exact opposite of my sweet Kaoru._

“Not that I mean to pry or anything-“ _Yeah, right._ Iwai had a hard time suppressing his laughter.

“-but in my opinion, it was rather reckless of you to take advantage of Ren’s lust like that. It just- it doesn’t sit well with me. You can be glad he wasn’t a minor.”

Iwai only shrugged, holding back a grin. “Told ya it was consensual. I don’t see any problem with the age gap, either. And he’s not Kaoru, I wasn’t practicing incest or some shit.” “But you didn’t take advantage, Iwai, I was the one who-“

“That almost sounds like it wouldn’t stop you, even if he was”, the brunet cut his boyfriend off. “From what I’ve heard-“ _Uh, that’s a sinister look for a shiny TV Idol_ “-Ren was depraved for love, and sought to seek it from you. You knew you couldn’t give it to him, but you still indulged in his request to reject him? That seems a little tousled in its order if you ask me.”

“Goro, why are you-“

Iwai cut Ren off. “What I did or didn’t is none of yar business, princey boy. Ren learnt his lesson, even if it was a painful one- but that’s not my problem. He’s the type of guy who needs to learn things the hard way.” The older man shrugged.

This only riled Goro up further. “You’re well aware your behavior was reckless, but you still went through with it? What would you have done if this had- consequences on his view of life? Broken his spirit? Made him unable to sleep with anyone younger than you-”

Iwai couldn’t hold back the grin anymore. “Did ya not like the sex? I thought I taught him well.” Poking this kid to anger was really funny.

The Idol kid grew red in the face, and was close to exploding, it seemed- yet he still managed to control himself.

 _That’s no fun_.

“I think I should leave now. Actually, I’ll reconsider your cooperation on the project- I wouldn’t want someone as shady as you to rope Ren into any weird business!”

The detective bad a polite, but hurried goodbye as he stormed out of the shop, leaving behind a bewildered Ren.

Iwai crossed his arms behind his head, the smile gone now. “Hm, maybe I went too far.”

“I don’t get it- what was all this about? Goro knows all about what went down between us- is he judging me for my actions and shifting the blame on you?”

“Hell if I know. You’re the boyfriend- go after him now, before he ends up murdering someone.” Ren nodded, quickly making for the door, but Iwai wasn’t finished quite yet.

“Hey, Ren? Send the Prince over for a work shift or two. Tell him that’s the price for my cooperation. Or keeping your name clean.” 

The raven sighed in response, but nodded in agreement before taking off.

***

Ren quickly found the brunet- he was sitting on the ground in a small alley at the end of the street, close to ‘Untouchable’, hidden from any curious looks. He seemed to be in a brooding mood again.

Ren plopped down next to him, hoping the street had recently been cleaned. He decided he’d still immediately throw Goro’s and his own clothes into the laundromat next to Leblanc once they got home.

“Hey.”

Goro didn’t answer, instead curling up further. He drew his knees close to his chest, burying his head in it as he looped his arms around himself- it was difficult to make out his words, but Ren tried nevertheless.

“I don’t know why I did that.”

“Why you tried shaming Iwai?”

Goro nodded.

“Well, I don’t know, either. You’re the one who has to tell me. And…you know you spouted a lot of bullshit in there. I’m surprised Iwai didn’t drop the conversation, though.”

“I was acting really stupid there.”

“A little? Yeah. I still don’t know your intentions for that, though.”

Goro barely voiced the next words.

“Sorry, I couldn’t-“

Abruptly, Goro snapped out of his protective stance, and instead, whipped up to meet Ren’s gaze- he was flushed a deep red, both in shame and in embarrassment.

“Fuck, I said I was jealous!”

Ren blinked.

“Oh.”

Goro tried curling up again, but Ren wouldn’t let him. Struggling against Ren’s firm grip, Goro pressed on. “I- I don’t know. It didn’t sit well with me that you had- such a significant thing with him. And then he’s like- twice my age? Older? I can’t- I can’t keep up with that!”

Ren tried holding back, really, but a giggle spilled forth his lips as he drew Goro into a hug- it was an awkward angle, considering they were still sitting on the ground, backs pressed to the hard, concrete walls- but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Goro, you don’t- you don’t need to keep up with Iwai? I don’t know where you got the idea. You know there’s nothing between us anymore.”

“He said you like the difficult ones! Do you-“

“No.”

As playful as Ren’s mood was before, he was dead serious now.

“I didn’t fall for you because you’re difficult or some shit. I fell for you because of who you were, and because no matter what happened, you still chose me. Iwai was only teasing you- for whatever reason there was. Maybe he was bored. Anyway, he’s like a second Sojiro by now- so don’t think weird stuff, okay? I can’t quite tell you to apologize for trying to shame him- but well. Maybe consider it.”

When Goro didn’t react, Ren added softly: “You know you’re the only one for me now.”

Goro slackened a little, to Ren’s relief.

“I’m being so stupid. I know all of this. I do- but- I don’t know. Those meaningless jabs just spilled out of me and- urgh. You make me stupid, Ren. No, this is my fault, actually, I just-“

“It’s okay to be stupid for love- sometimes.”

Ah, shit, maybe it was a mistake to say this so plainly- Ren was quick to continue, but Goro was faster.

“Don’t make sappy excuses for irrational behavior!”

“No, listen. It’s important not to be fed up with insignificant things or twist reality. And if it does happen, you can always attempt to clear whatever happened afterwards. Remaining like that would be no good- neither to the relationship, or the people around you. I think. I’m honestly imitating what Sojiro once told me, actually.”

Ren let out a nervous laugh, but Goro didn’t react.

“I mean…you know I slept with Tae, too. You don’t hate her for it, right?”

“No…no. But this was…I’m so frustrated with myself right now, I hate it.”

Ren could discern the burning hatred in Goro’s voice. At the same time, he was oddly proud for the brunet to be so open.

“So…you’re really just jealous and couldn’t control it for a while, right? It clouded your mind. Which is not an excuse- but it explains things. Or was it something else?”

Goro didn’t answer, and Ren was about to launch into another speech when Goro actually begun talking again.

“You said I liked monopolizing you. I do. Just a bit more…strongly than I imagined. I’m- well aware how foolish my actions are and how stupid my words. I just-“

Goro’s hands clawed into the fabric of Ren’s shirt.

“I’m afraid of losing my place with you.”

_These words sound so familiar…as if I’ve heard them somewhere else once before._

Ren’s heart quickened at that- whether in worry or in happiness, he wasn’t quite sure. “You know you’d never.”

Goro lifted his head, staring into Ren’s eyes- he was conflicted, and the storm of emotions was plainly written across his face.

“I know I should be sure, but I can’t. If he- if this Iwai guy is as special and as important to you as you said- that he was the one who taught you the difference between lust and…and that other word- who says that-“ Goro gulped, his pretty face falling into a scowl. “What if you realize he was better. If you think I- this is so stupid! I hate myself! I know this is exactly what I promised myself _not_ to act like but- argh!”

“Hey, babe. Goro. Look at me.”

Goro looked like he was close to tears.

“First of all, I think it’s noteworthy to say I told you the exact same things when I told you how I felt about Akira and you. And you should remember how you reacted back then as well. I’m still grateful how patient you were with my own petty jealousy…So I know- and have felt myself- how insecurity and jealousy can cloud you mind. Just like I hated the way I acted back then myself, I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of you lashing out, either. But I do feel a bit happy that you’re feeling possessive of me…I don’t want it at the cost of you growing nasty to others or twisting the facts, though. And I know you don’t want to be like that, either. So it’s okay. Promise me you don’t really believe any of that shit you just spouted, as manipulative as this may sound. Then, we’ll fix this, okay? Together. Like always- if one fucks up, the other’s there to catch.”

“I don’t want to be like this, either.” Goro tried crouching in on himself, yet he was just pulled into another hug.

“I know.”

“Why do you make me feel this way?”

Goro looked at Ren with wonder in his eyes.

“You’ll have to find the answer to that yourself.”

“Hmpf.” Goro hid his face in Ren’s clothes again, causing the barista to chuckle. “That somehow sounds like more work, considering we have a politician to usurp.”

“But it’s necessary if we want to build a good relationship. And I want you to at least somewhat reconcile with Iwai. I feel like you’d actually get along well.”

“Now why would you think _that?”_

“It’s a hunch. Really! And he told me you have to come work in his shop for a shift or two. He’s good at keeping secrets, by the way. Just if you ever needed someone other than me to confide in.”

“Hm.”

“Well, we still have a bit of time- do you want to go back now and get this over and done with?”

Goro scowled, pulled up by Ren’s enthusiastic grip.

“Not like I have much of a choice.”

***

Goro didn’t let Ren or Iwai take the word when the two of them entered the empty shop again. Seriously, what was it with Ren and constantly empty business shops?

“My behavior was irrational and uncalled for.”

Goro crossed his arms.

“I twisted the facts. Such an act is unforgivable.”

Iwai snorted. “Got more stuck up phrases?”

“Hey, Iwai, he’s-“

“I do believe I’m trying to forge a truce here. Nothing more. If you’re not interested in a truce, please spare me any further embarrassment.”

Much to the younger boys’ surprise, Iwai only yawned, actually making his way around the counter. He was idly twirling the gun Goro held earlier, and he stopped dead in front of the brunet.

Then, he casually pressed the gun right against Goro’s forehead.

“If what you said earlier expresses how you truly feel, I don’t need an apology. If some demon inside your head made you act like that, though- boom.” Iwai triggered the gun, mimicking the sound of a shot.

“Kill it off.”

_Well, at least this explains where Ren got some of his proverbs from._

Goro raised an eyebrow.

“I thought you said I was the one into gunplay. Now it seems like it’s more of your own style. Were you projecting, perhaps?”

“Ha!” Iwai fell into rambunctious laughter. “Good counter, kid.” Iwai lowered the weapon, and with a flip of his hands- it flew towards Ren, twirling prettily in the air. The raven caught it just in time.

“Keep the thing- your boyfriend’s fond of it.”

“You can address me directly, you are aware?”

Iwai sneered. “Prince Charming’s got bite, huh? At least it won’t get boring around him, then.”

Goro rolled his eyes at the blatant refusal of calling him a proper namw.

“Well…I think I said all I wanted to say. Though I’m still very confused whether you have…accepted my humble apology or not.”

“Humble apology my ass. Anyway, I’ll consider forgetting your behavior for a few work shifts you put in here. Ren will probably prep you enough so you know what’s coming to ya.”

There was a wolfish grin on Iwai’s face, and it made concern stir in Goro’s gut.

“I…well, the precinct will surely approve of undercover work I put in. I’ll do my best to live up to your expectations.”

“Uh-huh. Right. Anyway, I promised Kaoru to go and visit the aquarium with him, so maybe you should scram.”

Ren threw a glance towards Iwai’s clothes. He was wearing his usual outfit: a black turtleneck sweater, draped over with a worn-out coat, jeans and dark boots. Not to forget his hat with the yellow ear defenders.

“You’re taking him out in _that_ outfit?”

“Why, got a problem with it?”

“Well, you definitely look like a dangerous man if I ever see one. They might think you’re abducting Kaoru if you take him out looking like that.” Ren suppressed a snort at the thought of it- it actually wouldn’t be the first time.

“I don’t have any other clothes.”

“Well, maybe leave the hat away?”

“Stop talking about this shit and scram already, punk!”

Laughing, Ren stashed the fake gun into his bag, grabbing Goro’s wrist and pulling a skeptical looking detective out. “Have fun with Kaoru! Also, he has a girlfriend now, so- maybe he’s going to introduce you to her today.”

Goro distantly heard Iwai yell ‘He has a _what’_ before they had escaped the shop and found themselves in the alleyway again.

“…I might risk repeating myself, but I assume he’s-“ “An actually really overprotective dad that can’t help but worry about his twenty-year old son? Yeah. Trust me when I say he’s actually worse than Sojiro. But he’s a good guy. It’s difficult to pull out of the Yakuza business, and he’s had his fair share of deals with that- but he went through with it, all for his son’s sake. He’s probably not going to tell you, but he was raised by a single mom who was…a little too deep and lost in the whole drug and prostitution business in the Yakuza. He had a very…difficult childhood, and he never really told me all the details, but I think his mother ended up dying on an overdose. Not that she had ever been very caring to him- but that’s how Iwai realized how bad this lifestyle can be on families. He didn’t have anyone for a long time, so he stayed in the Yakuza- not like he had much of any other choice, really-“

“Why are you telling me all this? I doubt he appreciates you talking about his lifestory.” Goro crossed his arms.

Ren smiled sheepishly.

“I know he wouldn’t tell you fast enough- it took him a year and quite some turbulences to tell me. But I think that…alright, you’re allowed to hit me for saying this- but there are…a few parallels the two of you share?”

Goro groaned, ignoring Ren’s wince. “And I think he’d understand you much better than-“

“Are you back to your business of making older people accept me into their family? What is this, a charity business?”

“No! Nooooo. I just think you and him could…sync much better together than Sojiro and you. Like I said- maybe you’ll need someone older to listen to you from time to time, but I think Sojiro won’t be your go-to place, and-“

“Right, because the last time you attempted this sort of thing went really well, didn’t it? Other than that- I can take care of myself very well, as you can see. Stop this nonsense before I get really angry. I mean it.” Goro accentuated this by giving Ren the hardest glare he could muster up. He suppressed the all-too-familiar well of anger rising inside him, knowing Ren hadn’t meant any ill- but he was still pissed.

Yet, he had just angered Ren by twisting reality and insulting one of his close friends, so Goro held the spite and the insults lying on top of his tongue back as best as he could.

The raven deflated, a defeated look on his face. “Sorry. I know this might have been going a bit overboard. I didn’t coerce Iwai into making you work there, though- he suggested that all on his own. I didn’t even think of that, actually.”

“Well, it’ll prove useful to my report. But that’s all there is- and will be to it. I won’t start any of that ‘bonding’ you may have conjured up in your head, Ren. And I beg you never to repeat this sort of thing again. _Seriously._ ”

“Message received”, the raven muttered, his expression gloomy now.

The brunet disliked being the reason he looked so down, but he also couldn’t just approve of Ren’s actions. It had been utterly unnecessary- and it’d be best to their relationship if Ren stopped trying to-

To find some sort of father figure for Goro. Goro sure as hell wasn’t on the quest of finding himself a merry family by now.

And the idea that Ren mentioned a few weeks ago, of being Goro’s family- it was enough for the detective by now to satiate the undying desire in his chest.

Their trip back home was awkward, to say the least. Ren was quiet, and he didn’t even pull any of his usual puns or innuendos even though Goro had deliberately giving him openings.

Some things couldn’t be helped, Goro supposed.

But when he saw an opportunity, he pulled Ren into a dark alleyway and kissed the gloomy expression off his face until the raven was hazy and begged him to stop in the most seductive voice Goro had ever heard him say.

“I don’t want the things I warned you of to be repeated”, he murmured instead, as he pressed a vicious kiss to Ren’s neck all over again, eliciting a groan, “But…I don’t want to sadden you, either. So cheer up already, you dumbass.”

When Ren pulled him upwards and into the last kiss they shared outside, hidden and safe from any prying eyes, he saw the raven blink back at him and mutter: “I swear…that I will…and I feel the same.”

_That’s good enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of you wanted to see jealous Goro (you know who I mean ;D) and I had such a hard time not blurting out OH YEAH WE'LL GET THERE  
> Goro has a hard time controlling and handling all these feelings surging up in him, but he still tries his best. Things still go wrong, though, but it also proves to be another lesson, and also shows us these DUMB IDIOTS SHARE THE SAME FUCKING WORRIES AND KEEP REPEATING EACH OTHER ALL OVER AGAIN XD But we need that. They can't grow, otherwise. And it helps them become more empathic, too (mostly Goro, since Ren is already really good at that).  
> I liked how Ren didn't back down from calling Goro out on his bullshit, but did remember to stay soft and understanding because he behaves the same way. There are many parallels between Iwai and Akira, as they both taught Ren and Goro about love, AND I JUST REALLY REALLY LIKE IWAI OKAY XD
> 
> I also think Iwai would make a GREAT father figure to Goro, because he wouldn't hesitate to teach him all about life, but knows firsthand what it feels like to have a difficult past and something you can't tear yourself away from, not even for the love of your life. In Iwai's case, it's his love for Kaoru, and him being unable to tear himself away from shady business in general; he did succeed in escaping the Yakuza, however. Goro is doing his best to tear himself away from Shido for Ren, and yet can't quite manage either. Safe to say the trauma and hate and rage will always reside in him forever, too.  
> AND FINE I DID HAVE A REALLY HEAVY HEART BUT I REALLY HAD TO SCRAPE THE BONDING SCENES BETWEEN IWAI AND GORO BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE DRAGGED THE STORY ON A LIL BUT. BUT SOMEDAY, SOMETIME, I WILL ADD THOSE BONDING SCENES AND POST THAT MINI DRAFT I HAD IN MIND hrrrr man- I-have-a-weak-spot- for-Iwai speech end  
> Okay no one last thing. The way he put the gun onto Goro's forehead was such a powerful gesture. I love it.  
> Tell me your thoughts if you liked it (or what you thought of Iwai in general lmao; I did take the liberty to make him more playful in this fic, but I mean...I do believe after Rank 10 ingame, when he can finally start focusing on building a proper life with Kaoru, he would 100% be the type to pull so many jokes).


	47. The Arcanas gather; a plan is hashed- and yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy. Another one of my favorite scenes, but another lengthy one, featuring 11k and a bunch of fucking feelings (AND ALSO PART OF THE REASON I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE THIS FIC BECAUSE I REALLY HAD TO SEE THIS SCENE COME TO LIFE).  
> Enjoy.

Thankfully, after they got back to Yongen-Jaya and went to buy some groceries for later, Ren piped up to his usual self again. Just in time, Goro thought, because the others would soon show up.

Right, the others.

Goro wondered who would even show up- as far as Ren was concerned, Ann and Akira were coming, but who else?

Or more importantly, what about the plan Goro had conjured up in his head for taking down and humiliating Shido?

It would be impossible to execute- but it was the only plan giving him satisfaction and deliver evidence to the world what a bastard Shido was.

But still. How on earth would he even be able to put this plan into reality? Not to mention Ren would probably disapprove of the mission- it was dangerous and risky, after all.

To Goro, however, it was the only possible choice out of this all.

The detective was staring down at the tea in his hands like it would magically serve him the answers he wanted when the doorbell chimed and Ann entered.

“Hey guys! So good to see you again! Especially you, Ren! I catch Akechi from time to time on campus, but never you!”

The blonde cheerfully hugged both of them, and she smiled smugly at Goro. “I heard you took the week off- somewhatish. Do you remember our promise to go shopping together? We need to do that!”

A distant memory replayed in Goro’s head. “Ah- I do remember promising something of the sort. I suppose I’m not weaseling my way out of that, correct?”

“You also promised me a date, Goro.”

Ann let off a delightful shriek. “Oh- then I can help you pick out your date outfit, Akechi!”

Putting Ann’s enthusiasm aside, maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Goro had a bit of his savings left to invest in some good clothes- but since he’d never done any shopping except for underwear, he might not pick out the best looking outfit. A model’s opinion surely wouldn’t hurt.

Goro sighed. “So is this happening now?”

Ann and Ren shared a grin. “Definitely!”

Goro hid the smile on his face behind a hand.

“Oh, the others are going to come, too, it’s just taking them a bit longer. But they promised to come together as soon as possible!”

“If I may inquire…who are all these ‘others’?” Goro asked timidly.

“Weeeeelll…there’s the obvious ones, like Ryuji, Yusuke and Akira. Then we have Morgana…Sumire…Haru…even Makoto, actually. Don’t worry, she made a personal pledge not to be mean or say anything- I think she’s just worried Goro could say something hurtful to Akira or some dumb shit like that.” Ann shrugged.

“Worst comes to worst, we’ll tell her to leave. Oh! I think Ren said he invited his sister-“ “Yeah, Futaba is actually coming, too. But she’s a really shy person, so don’t be too hard on her, okay? She gets intimated easily by larger groups.”

Well, Futaba had certainly never been quite intimidated by Goro, but then again- he was only one person. Maybe he and his snarkyness weren’t as scary as a bunch of foreign people storming into Leblanc. But they’d need her for the plan, anyway, and Ren probably figured it was easier to have her physically here.

“Oh! Of course. Don’t worry- we’re all really nice people. And if Ryuji or Yusuke- or Makoto, for that matter- don’t behave themselves, I’ll personally kick them out.”

Ren laughed. “I hope you don’t have to go that far, but thanks, I guess.”

“No biggie!”

It was refreshing to meet Ann outside of…emotional breakdowns and serious talks. Then again, that was probably going to be initiated when the others arrived.

Hopefully the shopping trip wouldn’t be overshadowed by emotional talk, at least.

“How have you been, Akechi? I know we text daily and stuff, but still…meeting you outside of college and seeing you in Leblanc is somewhat different.”

The detective conjured up a small smile for her. “Thank you for caring. I’ve been…well. There was…a lot of emotional turmoil these days-“ Goro snuck a glance at Ren’s face, whose face had softened “-but it wasn’t too bad.”

_Thanks to Ren._

“That’s great!”

Ren whipped out a cup of coffee for Ann. “What about you? How’s the modeling business going?”

“Oh, you know- the usual drama. People think I’m seducing all the big people in the business because I keep getting major offers and roles, despite not being that experienced. Or they claim I’m using my parent’s name- I guess they just can’t get used to the fact I’m just better than them.” She shook her head.

Something in her words reminded Goro of his own sort of lifestyle. “I’ve had to deal with rumors like that, too. Still do, actually. I did find joy in showing off my exceptional talent in front of all those jealous, ugly miscreants – but in the end, what matters most is not to let it get to you. You know about your talent- that’s all that matters.”

There was a surprised silence, before Ann gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Akechi! I’d never have thought you’d offer me consoling words, considering where we started.”

“Strange where life can get you, isn’t it?” Ren threw into the room, and Goro was unable to tear his eyes away. “For all its misdoings and bad shit it likes to throw at you, it can bring you joy and surprise most unexpectedly.”

“Are you imitating Sojiro again?”

Ren’s voice rose in protest, a faint blush covering his cheeks. “No! Hey, let me have my wise and thoughtful moments for once! Come on. I can be cool- I wanna show off!”

“I do believe trying to be cool destroys the whole concept. You’re cool when you don’t attempt to be.” Ann agreed, causing a pout to appear on the raven’s face.

The model laughed. “You really know how to push Ren’s buttons, Goro, don’t you?” “Maybe.” Goro hid his smile by taking a sip of his drink.

“Ah, but…now that I think about it, what about Shiho, Ann? I haven’t seen her in a long time.”

“Oh, she’s been oddly busy. It’s really weird, because I haven’t seen her in ever, either- we still text, though, so that’s cool. It sucks, though. I also invited her to come today- and actually get to know Ren, hear about you guys, all that jazz- but she said she couldn’t make it, sadly. She did say she’d try to drop by soon, though! And I think Akira told her things are over between you guys, but I’m not really sure, and I don’t know how much she knows, either.”

“Who’s Shiho?” Ren perked up at the new name, curious.

As Ann launched into an explanation, the doorbell chimed- and one after one, their ragtag group of friends trickled in. Akira was the first one- greeting the three of them with a smile, while Ryuji and Yusuke were engrossed in some sort of discussion, almost running against one of the bar stools in an attempt to talk and walk. One by one, Goro was greeted by familiar faces- he dreaded the last one a bit.

Makoto looked as stuck-up and stiff as ever. They hadn’t ever talked again, after that evening where she had ran out with Ryuji. This made Goro wonder what her intentions were.

“Long time no see, Akechi.”

“Indeed.”

The girl cleared her throat, Ann warily glancing between Goro and Makoto- just like Ren.

“I assume you must wonder about my presence here.”

“Not really. I wonder more about your intentions.”

“Always so quick with the comebacks, huh?” She flipped her hair back.

“I didn’t bother to ask anyone about your story that evening, and I can’t say I have the patience to hear it, either. I only know you and Akira are over, and…you’re probably in another relationship by now.”

Goro raised an eyebrow.

“But Ann said something about injustice happening to you- and though she didn’t want to spill any details, I’m not one to let innocent victims suffer, whether I personally like them or not. Of course, I have no idea if you really are innocent- but I trust my friends to have enough foresight to judge that without having to inform me of the details.”

“Then you trust your friends quite a lot. That could be dangerous, though.”

“I am well aware. I might possibly end up inquiring about your story if I think I need to hear about the details. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is- you have my aid if you need it, because injustice is something I can’t stand. I’m not doing this for you, though.”

Goro snickered. “Oh, trust me, I would never have expected you to.”

“Well, good.”

She crossed her arms, seemingly not finished. However, her business with Goro was apparently done, because she set her eyes on the barista behind the counter.

“And…um, you. I believe your name is Ren, if I am not mistaken.”

Ren stopped wiping, eyeing her warily. “Correct. I don’t think I know your name, though.”

“You do. She’s Sae Nijima’s sister- Makoto.”

“Oh, you mean that pretty woman we met after work, once?”

Makoto nearly doubled over, her cheeks flushing red. “Excuse me?”

“What? Your sister’s pretty. Is that an offense to say?”

“I do believe you even told her so yourself”, Goro mused.

Makoto was spluttering, her face red, as if Ren had made some lewd joke. “Oh-uh- I wasn’t aware you’ve met her?”

“It was very brief. She also mistook me for Akira, since she was under the impression Goro was still dating him. Anyway, that probably wasn’t what you wanted me to talk about, was it?”

“Um- no- I-“ Makoto cleared her throat. “I just wanted to say…I don’t know you, so it’d be wrong of me to make any assumptions about you or your character. But I can say that your first impression on me wasn’t…exactly pleasant.”

“Right, cuz I made out with Goro in front of my brother, I assume? Hey, I’m not defending myself. Take it as it is, though- I don’t regret it.”

“Technically, I roped you into acting like-“

“No, Goro, we don’t go playing the ‘It’s my fault, not yours’ game again. We both acted the way we wanted to- whether that was morally acceptable or not, I don’t give a shit. Honestly, I don’t see myself getting along too well with the younger Nijima- sorry, no offense- because you kind of seem…like you wouldn’t appreciate me at all. No offense, like I said.”

“I’ll have to agree to that. Ren’s not the type of person who’d flinch back from using unconventional methods to reach his goal. Or am I mistaken?”

Ren had a mischievous grin on his face. “I lo- I mean, you know me so well, Goro.”

“Obviously.”

Makoto cleared her throat when Ren and Goro were about to get lost in their own world. “Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. I do hope we can spend a…pleasant evening together without having to clash heads.”

_I highly doubt the evening’s going to be pleasant._

With that out of the way, Makoto made her way over to where Haru and Morgana were chatting.

They were nearly complete now. Only one person was missing.

“Let me call Futaba and ask what she’s doing. She should be arriving any time now, though.”

Akira, who was listening in on the conversation held over the counter, perked up. “She’s the hacker girl, right? The tech support? I’m looking forward to see her, considering all the stories you told me about her.”

Ren chuckled. “Don’t praise her for her hacker skills, though. It always get to her head when you do.”

Goro was sort of relieved to see the brothers get along so casually. He knew the twins had been meeting up the past few days for a few hours, and that both of them had wanted to catch up for the time lost. It seemed like it had been going as well as Goro had been told.

Not that he thought either one of them would lie to him, but Ren never wanted him to worry and Akira could be good at hiding things, so…

Joyful chatter filled the café, and the queasy feeling in Goro’s stomach begun to subside. Especially when the doorbell chimed and a ginger-haired girl made a tentative step inside.

“Ohhhhh gooooshhh so many people! Ren, you liar, you said-“

“This is your sister, Ren? Aw, she’s so cute!” Ann immediately sprung off her stool and stormed over to Futaba, looking incredibly intimidated. Ann didn’t end up hugging her, but obviously introduced herself cheerfully, and before anyone knew what was happening, Ann had dragged her over to one of the booths and begun to chatter with her.

Her charm and friendly nature gradually succeeded in melting the clammy nervousness Futaba had been exceeding away. Soon, the booth was joined by the other girls, eager to talk to Futaba as well.

Akira, meanwhile, realizing he hadn’t had a good chance of talking to the girl, occupied Ann’s former seat. He placed his elbow on the counter, propping his chin up single-handedly. “I guess I’ll have to take a different opportunity to talk to her. Oh well, guess it can’t be helped.”

“She’s eager enough to get to know you, don’t worry. Your nickname stemmed from her, it’s ‘KiraKira’, by the way”, Ren chuckled. “She said you always left an impression of a bright star, so it fit.”

Goro sneered lightly, hiding his reaction with his nearly empty tea cup.

More casual conversation flooded the café, and Ren was busy preparing drinks and food here and there- yet he never served anything less than close to perfection, and Goro was impressed by his deft handling.

“You do this job quite well”, the detective remarked, earning him a grin.

“I sure hope I do. Haven’t been practicing this long just to suck.”

“Indeed, but the café usually isn’t this run over, is it? I suppose I assumed you’d lose your cool, being confronted with so many people at once.”

“Did you forget my job at the beef bowl shop? Or the supermarket? Those were flooded with customers sometimes. You gotta learn how to keep your cool, or else you’ll be fired from those kinda jobs quite quickly.”

“I see.”

“I also know very well you just stole your third cup of coffee from Ann away. Don’t think I’ll let you get any more caffeine than that. It’ll only worsen your anxiety, buddy.”

Goro’s expression soured.

“Oh…right. I distantly remember Ann saying something important being discussed tonight. It’s been a real joy to gather everyone here and talk, but…this wasn’t what this was about, was it?” Akira asked, and the cheerful chatter slowly subsided until a comfortable silence settled in the cozy café.

Ren and Goro shared a glance. Curses, that third cup of coffee might really have been a mistake- Goro’s fingers were shaking slightly, and he bit his lip in an attempt to override his nervousness.

Ren gently laid a hand on his shoulder. There was a look of understanding in his eyes Goro thought he didn’t deserve.

“You wanna go at it, or want me to explain?”

Goro drowned the nearly empty cup of coffee, determination filling his shaking body.

“No, this is my fight, and my revenge. I won’t let you handle this.”

The two of them stared deep into each other eyes, before Ren playfully shoved Goro off the stool.

“Then you go get at ‘em, tiger. I’ll be right behind you if you fail.”

“There’s nothing to fail here!”

“You’re right”, Ren acquiesced, planting himself on Goro’s seat and pulling the brunet close by the waist, “So I guess I’ll have to correct that: I’ll be here if you fall.”

Goro huffed, but Ren’s eyes were filled with so much adoration, Goro wasn’t even in control as he reached out and planted a kiss on his soft lips.

“Sap.”

Ann sighed. “Wow, you guys are so in love, you make me jealous.”

The brunet had expected Akira’s expression to be stony, or disapproving- so he was surprised when the other raven smiled gently at the sight of the two lovers.

“They really are a good match.”

Goro gulped.

The people gathered in the café were still looking at him expectantly. They did deserve an explanation, Goro knew. Participation in the plan afterwards was a different thing altogether, though.

But there was no harm in trying. Ann sent him an encouraging smile, and Ren pressed small circles into his skin.

Goro wasn’t alone anymore.

Trusting Ren was one thing. Entrusting himself and his past to the rest of these people another hurdle altogether, and Goro felt his breath stop and go in irregular patterns.

But he remembered Sumire’s heartfelt understanding back that one fateful night, even though she still didn’t know shit. Same went for Haru, the girl he still had issues taking a liking on, but smiled gently and supportively at him.

And then there was the rest. Ryuji always spoke of how friends supported each other. Akira was the one who taught him what it meant to be part of a family, of love and to have unconditional support- if he ignored the sting of hate in his chest about his hidden, former intentions. Yusuke came from a rather abusive and toxic relationship himself. Morgana had been their personal driver for so many occasions, and was always there if you needed him.

Sure, Makoto was someone he couldn’t really judge here, but somehow he doubted their friends would allow her to spread Goro’s secrets just like that.

Friends, huh.

In the past, he thought something like that was for losers. Something people sought because they couldn’t stand their loneliness- and in a way that was true. But there was so much more to it. He wouldn’t have realized all that had it not been for each and every one of them showing him one piece of a greater puzzle- one that might be impossible to decipher on your own.

Goro took a deep breath, his heart thudding.

“Before I begin…I want you to know I do not demand any of you to help me.”

“You know they would, though…” he heard Ren mutter into the back of his neck.

“Nor do I wish to evoke pity. I am- frankly, I don’t know why I’m doing this in the first place. But I wasn’t just roped into this- this is still my own decision.”

He looked into the faces of the people around him- each and every one of them was still smiling at him, or seemed worried of what was going to come- but not because they felt like Goro was a burden. Because they were afraid for him, maybe.

Ren squeezed his waist encouragingly.

“By now you all know my father. Some of you know him better than others, because I revealed parts of my part.”

“He’s a slimy dickball”, Futaba added.

Her statement caused some of them to giggle, but by now, everyone realized there was a heavier topic lying underneath.

Goro knew he didn’t owe anyone an explanation. He was still firmly convinced of that fact. What left his lips afterwards were things he wanted to share, though. He _wanted_ these people to know before they went out of their way to support him in an almost impossible plan that no doubt would put them all into danger.

“I didn’t tell you about how many people he killed on his way, though.”

He felt Ren’s breath stop for a second, and a few eyes widened at that- the girls were all collectively gasping, Makoto looking worried more than shocked.

Even Futaba was surprised.

“I also didn’t tell you I helped him cover up some of his murders.”

He closed his eyes for a second- not because he wasn’t ready to receive judgement- oh, he was- but because he needed to gather himself, remove and prick the words from his tongue. Besides more shocked gasps and a ‘What the _fuck’_ that no doubt came from Ryuji, the brunet felt the body behind him slid off the stool.

“You didn’t have to tell them that”, Ren whispered into his ear, his voice shaking with emotion- whether he was angry or proud, Goro couldn’t tell.

He opened his eyes again, and was met with an image of shocked and horrified young adults, some clasping a hand over their mouths, others looking as if they were close to tears.

No one was running out of the café, though, or calling him a murderer.

“No”, Goro whispered in reply to Ren’s statement, leaning into the hug he received from behind, “But I want them to know- everything- before they end up in a life-threatening mission. They might risk everything here. I _want_ them to know.”

“Okay.” Ren placed a gentle kiss on Goro’s ear, causing the area to tingle.

Goro looked at Ann- she seemed shocked, but there was still determination glimmering in her gaze.

“Most of my career was built on lies like that. Before you jump on me, Nijima, in no way did I wish to obstruct justice. However, that does not change the gravity of my actions.”

Goro took a deep breath.

“I do not want to twist the facts. I don’t like killing people off and…and covering it up as a suicide or a tragic accident.” Goro balled his fists, anger rushing through his body.

“But I did what I had to do to ensure my survival. I picked my life over others- that’s the cold, harsh truth.”

Yusuke threw in a question. “Where you threatened?”

Goro mulled over that question. “I’m not sure how to answer that. Shido gave me the generous option to help him in covering up, or…suffer the same fate as his victims, I suppose. It’s possible he installed my job as a Detective Prince to use me like that from the beginning. I was a pawn- he could use me to his advantage, but easily discard me as well. I still had a will of my own, though- and actively chose not to die.”

“Goro.” Ren sounded concerned. “Are you…”

“I’m fine. Anyway- this is not part of the story I want to elaborate on.”

“There’s…more?” Makoto asked, apprehensive.

“Yes. Some of you know, but I have been living so far with the single-minded goal of revenge. That goal is still on my mind, despite how…how much all of you…”

Goro opted to stare at his feet, a blush rising his in his cheeks. “Despite how much all of you showed me there was more to life than that.” His voice was naught but a whisper.

He was thankful for the silence, making it easier to talk on.

“I won’t be able to rest until that bastard is behind bars. He’s done far too much of evil misdeeds that shouldn’t be overlooked. But I suppose despite my own sense of justice wanting to bring him down, I also have personal motives for wanting to shoot a bullet through his skull.”

Goro felt the emotional turmoil in his body rise, rise, rise until he couldn’t ignore it anymore, wanting to be screamed out and yelled for the world to hear.

“He killed my mother. He fucking turned me into an orphan, installed me as a puppet with a tragic backstory while he- while he _burned_ her corpse in flames so no one could find out about his murder. About his misdeeds- about how he controls the entire country by having connections all over the fucking place- I want him to _suffer,_ I want him to burn a thousand times over and over and over for the world to see while he begs for forgiveness for all the people he murdered- for the fact that he murdered my mother in cold blood- I won’t let that son of a bitch walk around the earth as a free man any longer- I can’t! My hands, stained with the blood of _his_ crimes, of his selfish desires, they weep to have him begging and screaming-“

“Goro, you’re losing it a little.”

Ren’s warm breath brought him back- and he didn’t miss the underlying chuckle in the barista’s words.

Goro evened his breathing.

“So. Yes. I want to take the bastard down- but I’ve also realized that a few helping hands may not…be all that bad. I can use every pair of skilled hands I can get- but this is sort of a life-or-death mission.”

“What do you mean?” Morgana asked.

“By the time election roll in- about roughly two months from now- Shido will dispose of me. Of that, I am quite sure by now. If I’m going to die- at least I won’t be killed without having fought against death like a feral beast.”

“Except that you’re not going to die, Goro…”

Goro smiled. “I suppose I may have a very clingy, protective boyfriend who will aid me as well.”

“Damn sure you do.”

Goro still hadn’t peeked at the reactions of the gathered group of friends- so the silence made him nervous. He knew Futaba and Ann had promised to help- yet only Futaba knew a few more details about his life, especially concerning his mother.

“You also have a very cute model at your side, Akechi.”

Goro looked up to catch her gaze. She had tears in her eyes, and she was undoubtedly angry- but he realized she wasn’t angry at him. “I know you don’t want to hear this- but I’m so, so sorry, Akechi. Like I told you a few days ago- I won’t stand by and tolerate this. I would have done so without knowing everything you told us- but now that I know, my resolve has only strengthened. We’ll bring the shitty asshole down. But remember…having him suffer in prison for a lifetime is going to make him suffer more than letting him die. Even though I also feel the urge to shoot him dead.”

To the shocked gasp of Makoto, Ann went up and gently took Goro’s wrist- placing her hand atop of Goro’s.

She was still smiling, but tears were shimmering in the corner of her eyes. “It must have been terrifying to tell us all this, Akechi. Thank you. Now, who else is in on this?”

She turned around, her blond hair fluttering through the motion- and suddenly, another hand was placed atop of Ann’s hand, stacking up the weight and pressure on Goro.

Futaba was jittery. “You won’t get far without tech support, and as smart as Ren is, he doesn’t know how to hack a firewall- or even three. Especially not at the same time.”

“Hey!”

Laughing, Ren lifted one of his hands on Goro’s hips to join the hand pyramid.

“You know I was in for this from the very beginning. Also, I wish I could touch your hand- Ann was too fast this time around, however, so I’ll be so generous and let her enjoy this.”

“Hey! You get to spoil him all the time, anyway!”

Another hand perched itself atop of the pyramid.

Akira wasn’t smiling, and his expression was pained.

“I’m sorry for never noticing what was going on, Akechi. I hope I can fix this by helping you out now.”

“Hey, wasn’t I the one who told you friends stick through thick and thin, bro? Look, this shit doesn’t sit well with me at all. What kind of fucked up justice system do we have if the biggest criminal is elected to become governor? Fucking hell, and then- then what he did to your mother- fuck, Akechi, fuck!” Ryuji couldn’t keep the curses on the downlow.

“I may only be an artist, but I’ll offer my help in any way I can. In all honesty, I look up to you for battling your way to where you are today, Akechi. Many others would have ended up broken on your thorny way- yet still, your soul shines, despite the scratches and wounds it suffered from.”

“This might sound a bit unbelievable, but even a guy working in a museum knows a bit about security. We could try and think up for a way to bypass that shit, if necessary.” Morgana looked contemplative.

“None of us would have ever thought what sort of burden you carried with you, Akechi. We might not be the bestest of friends, but I know what injustice and fatherly abuse is like. I know my own father is strongly affiliated with Shido, as much as I hate to admit it. I have stood alongside a man I was fully aware was enslaving his workers and supported Shido. I want to help you not only because I want to bring justice upon Shido- but also on my own father. I have tolerated his misdeeds for too long as well, and I do believe I can be of use to you alongside my own goal of exposing my father’s crimes.”

Goro was extremely surprised by Haru’s confession- it seemed like he had deemed her a fool too quickly.

But then again, he’d done that with almost all of these people here.

“I’m only a gymnast, and I don’t have any special talents- but I really like you, Akechi, and I don’t want you to die like that! I still haven’t been able to invite you to one of my contests, and it’d be more than just a shame to tear you and…um-?”

“Ren”, the barista chuckled.

“Right! Ren and you apart! It’s sort of really endearing to see you so happy around him- and no one deserves to have his or her life ripped away like that!”

The weight on Goro’s hand grew heavy, and he felt the stickiness of nine clammy hands squished together- and he had to suppress the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes.

“You’re such a soft crybaby, Goro”, he heard Ren chuckle as his tears dropped down on the tower of hands, no doubt adding to the layer of sweat.

_It’s so weird, how it felt like yesterday that I didn’t want to cry in front of all of them, but now…_

Ren removed his hand from the tower, sending the rest of the group tumbling- and to Goro’s surprise, Ren shoved him right into the circle of his friends. The brunet whipped his head back only to receive a soft grin. “Come on, you should let your friends comfort you for once, too. I might be your personal teddy bear, but there’s more love waiting for you out there. You just gotta stop being a stubborn mule about it.”

As if on cue, Ann threw herself around Goro, squeezing him so tightly he could barely breathe.

“I guess it’s group hug time”, Ryuji mumbled, and suddenly, Goro suffered under the onslaught of eight people throwing themselves at him, hugging and screaming and yelling- but above all, there was laughter and jokes.

Goro had never felt so lucky before, even if he was drowned in a barrage of sweat and tears and hugs.

He knew one hand was missing, but he hadn’t heard her exit the café- she was standing outside, having to mull over the few things she just heard.

Goro also knew Ren had slipped out from behind, but he trusted him enough to return.

Ren would come back.

***

“I half expected you to throw something at Goro back there.”

Makoto shivered under the cold night air outside of Leblanc. She was standing a bit away from the door, but it didn’t look like she had planned on leaving for real.

She threw the barista – who looked so similar to Akira, and yet couldn’t be more different- a glance.

His face was a mask, inscrutable, but so was hers.

“I’m not that much of a mean person, you know.”

“Are you? I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to know you, after all. But your first impression wasn’t one of the best, I admit.” Her own words sounded like a taunt coming from Ren’s mouth.

“This wasn’t what you came out here for, was it? What do you want?”

“I don’t know. Why are you out here? Did you think Goro was that despicable?”

Makoto lost control- her face fell into a scowl.

“I don’t know all the details of his tragic life or his backstory.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not too interested in hearing about it, either. It’s just that- he did a lot of bad stuff. I’m not even talking about his role as an aide. I mean how he tricked and lied to all of my friends for months- still kept secrets after apparently explaining himself afterwards- and did a lot of bullshit like hurting my friends or breaking their hearts- and yet they all forgave him so quickly. Excuse my crude language, but…”

Her expression darkened. “What the fuck? Like, are they just ignoring all the bad and disgusting things he’s done before? Like, he was dating Akira, and then he just- switched over to you, and everyone’s completely fine with it? Sure, Akira said he didn’t mind, and that he’s going to get Akechi back- but that’s bullshit. He looked like he’s come to terms with the fact that you’re a couple now, and he doesn’t hold even a bit of resentment towards Akechi- or you?”

Ren threw her a sharp look. “I don’t think that’s much of your business, Nijima.”

“Yes, so? Can you blame me for disliking him? I’ve known him for a long time. He’s never been a really nice person- I don’t understand why everyone’s so eager to befriend him. And then- and then he just said he’s helped people with murder! _Murder!_ That’s not like, I don’t know, saying you accidentally forgot to pay for your snacks or something! But no- boohoo, Akechi had such a hard life, the poor guy deserves some help- what the hell?”

“You do know Goro insisted that they don’t think that way- he doesn’t want pity, and he stands for his actions. And as far as I’m informed- your friends didn’t just forgive him off the bat. They were kind and forgiving to him when he had to lay his life story bare- but they all ended up in more conversations about his behavior when they met up in university. Not to mention- they did voice their feelings the same evening he sort of broke up with Akira. Akira was the only one who didn’t criticize him a lot. But I know he had to buy Ann some sweets to soothe her anger because of the stalker lie, for example. Yusuke requested he was allowed to draw Goro and me whenever he wanted. Ryuji said Goro had to pay for when they go bouldering- and so on. They all made him promise he wasn’t allowed to repeat this level of a lie again, or else their friendship really would be in danger. While this wasn’t about redemption, though- it was about starting anew, and giving each other a new chance. I guess that excluded hiding murder, though.”

“Yes- murder! Bloody freaking murder! Akechi’s aiming to be a figure in the legal system- how on earth did he went through with this?!”

Ren’s fuse of patience for the girl short circuited.

“Fuck the world for abandoning him, then. What else was he supposed to do- lie down and willingly let someone slit his throat? Give in to the temptation and kill himself? No one was there for him, Nijima- no one reached out to help him. Goro didn’t have much of a choice when he grew up- it was either do this and that, or end up being forced to do it- lest he wanted to die!”

Makoto threw him a skeptical look. “You always have a choice.”

Ren took a deep breath.

“No, Goro didn’t. But you know what- let’s play along with your scenario for a while. Let’s say he had a choice- and like he himself said, _made_ his choice. What if he was forced to do some wrong things and doesn’t regret it? I’m glad he’s alive- I’m so glad he’s in my arms today and decided to give me another chance. I don’t really mind that he had to do so much to ensure his survival. He told me himself- he doesn’t glorify his actions. He didn’t like what he had to do to ensure his survival- and that’s what matters in the end. So I would never- ever- blame him for doing the things he did. Or, if we put it in your words- _blame his choice._ He’s not on a quest for redemption- but he’s ready to atone for crimes he didn’t even commit willingly.”

Makoto didn’t react.

Ren talked on.

“I think, if I were in his shoes…I’d not even consider my actions- like covering up murder- as something bad. Goro does- Goro’s never lost sight of justice. I would. If I had to pick between my life or someone else’s, and I chose to pick myself- why would I still consider that as something bad? Why would I consider going to prison for something I was forced to do? We humans are selfish. Every single human- no matter who- would chose like Goro did, if they had nothing else to lose.”

Makoto was quiet in her reply.

“Akira told me you didn’t pick your life over his, though. So not all humans are selfish.”

Ren chuckled. “Because I had something to lose. I had my brother’s life to lose, or mine. This is the problem when you find something important- if you didn’t have a high opinion of yourself before, you raise the worth of that important thing much higher than yourself. You could forget that you yourself are a hidden gem, too.”

“That’s…awfully romantic.”

“Is it? I don’t think it is, actually. I think it’s self-destructive and leads to your doom. And…see, you might stamp me off as a liar- but it’s thanks to Goro I realized this sort of lifestyle was a horrible one. I realized I wasn’t selfish for wanting nice things- or love. I told him that Akira was the better choice between us- that he shouldn’t pick me. But he stubbornly refused to acquiesce. He said he wanted me- nothing else, nothing more. Because he never graded people.”

“You say he wanted you…that sounds like you didn’t want him?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that. At first, I merely wanted to fulfill my own selfish wish of him and Akira getting together, because I knew Akira liked Goro somewhat. I never even guessed Akira was out for him because of Shido, since I didn’t really know about him or his father. But after a while, I had a hard time fulfilling a wish that didn’t sate my own needs. I wanted Goro to myself- so why was I pushing him away? I thought it was because I wasn’t worth it.”

Ren let out a huff into the cold air.

“Goro was sort of the opposite. He sort of thought: if the world’s allowed to have a nice life, why can’t I, too? Why wouldn’t I be worth something? It’s a bit fucked up, but it’s thanks to him that I realized I could have nice things, too. Because he showed me anyone’s worth something- anyone should be allowed and granted nice things. But I also realized I had to fix my way of thinking in order to make him truly happy.”

“And…you thought that why?”

“Because as much as Goro boasts about deserving nice things, too, subconsciously- he doesn’t think he deserves it. He’s been drilled into thinking he didn’t even deserve to live- to love- to be happy. Like me. In the end, our minds were too much alike- it wouldn’t have been a good match. If you want to make someone else happy, you need to find your own worth, first- and then know what a joy you can be to others. Though Goro also showed me that before I realized I was worth something, I guess- it’s complex. He needs a bit help in realizing his self-worth, and that’s totally fine. He was happy with me, though. It took a lot of windy roads and mistakes and shitty fights and loads and loads of paternal advice to understand that. Goro pulled me out of my depressional hole, even if he himself doesn’t realize it. So now, I’m out to prove him that he deserves so much more, too. He picked me to help him figure himself out, and I’ll do my damn best to deliver.”

Makoto hummed in response.

“As far as I can judge you…your hatred for Goro stems from somewhere else. So what’s the issue between you and him? Can you really not stand him because he’s a bit of a snarky, sassy bitch?”

The girl raised both her eyebrows upon the insults leaving Ren’s mouth. “That didn’t sound very nice.”

Ren grinned. “But it’s the truth. And Goro wouldn’t argue. At least not the snarky part. I love him like that. But don’t tell him I said that.”

“That you love him, or that you think he’s a bitch?”

“He’s not that much of a bitch. He’s just acting like a bitch sometimes because he feels the urge to protect himself.”

“You’re…contradicting yourself here. So you think he’s not a bitch?”

Ren groaned. “Look, I- can we not discuss my feelings and my undying love for my boyfriend any further? We’re getting off track.”

“Why do you insist on finding out what I have against Akechi, anyway?”

“Because if it’s something stupid, I can make you see your mistakes as to why you _should_ like him. Or stop being mean to him. And I’m not doing that for your sake- I’m doing it for his. So he knows even people that dislike him upon first glance were just lying to themselves and actually like him, too. I think it would help boost his ego.”

“I have a feeling he wouldn’t appreciate that.”

“Oh, no, not at all. But I’m just being honest. Frankly, I really don’t like you- but I think if you were friends with Goro at some point- he’s told me about it, you see- he saw something in you. And if he wants you as his friend…well, I guess I’ll help him with that. Some of my bad habits, like trying to fulfill my loved one’s wishes, probably won’t ever leave me. But at least I’m handling and thinking in a different way now.”

Makoto furrowed her brows. “I don’t really like you, either.”

“Good that the feeling’s mutual, then. Now let’s get back to the main issue. What’s the real reason you dislike Goro? Is it because you’re jealous he’s liked by people so easily?”

 _Bullseye_ , Ren thought, as Makoto began to stutter and flush- the flush was hard to make out under the bad lightning of Leblanc’s outer lights, but Ren was good at picking up even the slightest hints.

“No! Why would I be jealous of him?! All the people that are friends with him are my friends, too! I’m just angry he’s always hurting them and they forgive him so easily!”

“There might be some truth in that, but there’s more. Hmm…ah! Is it your sister? They respect each other very much, don’t they? Maybe your sister likes him more than-“

A clash of skin on skin resounded in the street as Makoto slapped Ren against his cheek- hard.

Then, horror bloomed on her face as her eyes widened in shock and she covered her mouth, a gasp escaping her.

“Oh- oh no, I- I am- I didn’t mean to do that!”

Ren rubbed his cheek- for a girl her size, her slap certainly packed a punch. Didn’t Goro tell him the Nijima’s were really good martial arts fighters, too?

Fuck, maybe he shouldn’t provoke her and poke at her insecurities so much, then.

“It’s okay. I think I hit a sore spot, didn’t I? I deserve it for the prodding.”

Makoto hung her head in shame. “You’re correct. There’s no point in hiding this anymore. My sister always speaks so highly of Akechi- I was actually filled with glee when I found out what terrible things he had done, because all I was focused on was ‘Now I can make my sister see I’m so much better than him’. He was a…if I may borrow your words, a snarky bitch even back when we first befriended each other- so I didn’t understand what my sister saw in him. All he did was hurt people! Or be mean. When my sister was around, he donned this perfect mask of a polite gentleman, a genius that succeeded at having a job with the police at such a young age. She always praised him- but she never said anything about how hard I worked! It was only ever ‘Akechi did this, Akechi did that’. Honestly, my sister is all I have left of our family- and I hated, hated that she didn’t see _me,_ but was busy gushing about this stupid kid from her precinct.”

“So you only projected your insecurities onto him and dislike him for that reason.”

“Well, that’s not all! I really don’t like people hurting my friends-“

“Your friends are busy hugging Goro to death because he’s actually afraid of people growing attached to him.”

“I know!” She deflated. “I know I’m being stupid.”

“Have you ever tried listening around what your sister was saying? Maybe she was praising you without you realizing. Maybe she only praised Goro because she thought you would get along better if you knew all his good sides. Whatever her reason- this isn’t about Goro as a person. So you better fix thinking ill of him.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I don’t like being this jealous that it clouds my mind.”

“So put it aside for a moment. What do you think of Goro without your sister’s opinion?”

Makoto took a moment to think about that.

“I don’t hate him to the point of death. I don’t think we’re ever going to get along, though- at least not to the point of where I ‘hug him to death’. I just dislike his mean streak. But I don’t- blame him for being the way he is. From the sounds of it, there’s a lot to unpack in the story between you, Akira and him as well. Plus…no matter what he himself might say, having to choose between two options in a life-and-death situation is coercion- no matter what you say.”

“I’m glad we have something we agree on.”

“Do you know…how old he was?”

“He hasn’t told me the exact age, but if I calculate back…he was sixteen.”

Makoto gasped. “That was- he’s-“

Ren’s expression was filled with sadness. “He was a child. I mean, he’d been abused and mistreated for almost his entire life, anyway, but to load murder onto that? Fucking hell of a bastard, that dude. First he ruins Goro’s life, then he tries to do the same with Akira’s- I’m telling you, helping Goro achieve his revenge isn’t only for himself. It’s also for my own self-satisfaction.”

Makoto fell quiet again.

“Criminals like Shido shouldn’t be allowed to walk freely. I cannot support your wish to kill him, but…he’s hurt one of my dear friends. And he’s abused Akechi for a lifetime. He’ll pay for this.”

Ren grinned, raising his hand and turning it into a fist. “You in?”

Makoto knocked her own fist against his, determination blazing alive in her eyes. “Yes.”

“Good. Now fix your issues with Goro- you don’t have to befriend him, of course, but he deserves an explanation- and we can finally go on to crafting a real plan.”

The new allies entered the café, prepared for a picture of chaos- but they were met with the scene of Ann trying to hug the life out of Goro, who was resisting and complaining about too much skin-on-skin contact. The rest of their friends were gathered around them, Futaba filming the scene and Ryuji telling Goro he was a wuss for complaining, Yusuke busy sketching.

It drew a smile on Ren’s face. “I want to protect this place- and this happiness. I want this to be permanent for many years to come, Nijima.”

“I can see why. I must admit I don’t particularly hate the idea. And…Akira is happy with this, too. Please…call me Makoto. We might not like each other very much, but we’re allies now. And it’s too stiff to call me by my last name.”

“Alright.”

With a toothy grin, Ren made his way over to Ann and Goro. He pried her off him- under her loud protest, but a thankful sigh from Goro- before he threw his own arms around Goro, dipping him to the ground and kissing him smack on the mouth.

There were hollers and whistles around them, and Goro was blushing madly- Ren earned himself a few insults and kicks, but he was _so_ grateful Futaba had filmed the scene.

“I’m back, babe.”

“Urgh, get me back on my feet already!”

“Suuuuure.”

Ren kissed him one last time before he did that, though.

“Their PDA is adorable”, Ann swooned, and Sumire was blushing as she agreed.

“Their PDA is disgusting”, Futaba and Ryuji countered. It seemed like she fit right in with the crazy group of friends after warming up a little.

“They should honestly consider getting a room”, Morgana groaned.

Goro threw a questioning glance towards Makoto. “You were…gone for a bit.”

She nodded seriously. “Yes. Sorry, I had to gather my thoughts for a while. Ren was…helpful, though.”

“I hope he didn’t end up blackmailing you.” It was a jab towards Ren- and it worked.

The raven gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. “I would never!”

“Oh, that’s news to me.” Goro grinned back, but was distracted by Makoto’s cough.

“No, I- I think I owe you an apology, Akechi.”

This caused the detective to frown. “Why?”

“I was…always jealous of you. My sister holds you in high regards, and…it clouded my mind. I never bothered to see you for who you were- I was just busy focusing on your faults. That doesn’t mean I think we can be friends…but trust me when I say I’ll be a loyal ally.”

“Weeeeeelcome to the club!” Ryuji hollered from the corner, earning himself a smack from Ann.

“Yes. Well. Anyway. No hard feelings, right?” Timidly, she raised her eyes- and Goro wore a crooked smile on his face, but it was a smile nevertheless.

“I appreciate it.”

Makoto nodded, a blush rising in her cheeks as she hastily went to sit down beside Haru.

Goro went from having to no allies to a ton in a matter of a few minutes- and as terrifying as it was, he thought it was worth it. He’d never expected to gain so many helping hands in the first place.

Now to the plan, though.

Everyone begun to settle in the café, trickling into booths or sitting on the stools- huddling close so everyone could hear what was going on. Ren pulled Goro onto his lap. Despite his protests, Goro didn’t leave because Ren told him the booth was filled to the brim, anyway, so this saved space.

Futaba belched from the booth next to them.

“So if this Shido guy is trying to kill you…I guess we should start thinking a plan up right now. You said we have roughly until the election, correct?” Ryuji mused.

Goro nodded.

“No way in _hell_ are we going to give Shido the satisfaction of erasing you from the world. He won’t get his way- not this time, and if it’s the last thing I’ll do.” Ren’s tone was alarming, and it took Akira’s stern “No one is going to let anyone die” for Ren to calm down.

Makoto wondered how to approach this if Shido was surrounded by so many allies. “How are we supposed to reach him if he’s this powerful?”

“It’d be best to gather evidence that one could present in court. Something tangible that would support Akechi’s claims”, Akira added.

“Shido is not known to leave behind any sort of tangible proof, though. That’s a dead end.”

Ren apparently had something to say against that.

“As untouchable and flawless and powerful as Shido seems- he’s still human. He’s done mistakes. Of course he left stuff behind.”

“Elaborate”, Yusuke demanded.

A sinister smile appeared on Ren’s face- not failing to make Goro’s heart skip a beat.

“His first slip-up was attempting to erase the Akechi’s out of the world. By that fatal error, he created himself a fearsome foe- you, Goro. Then- his second mistake. You know all about his dirty deeds- it was stupid of him to try and turn you into his aide. I’m sure he thought it was a smart move to silence you and secure your loyalty- but by now, that knowledge is a knife we can stab into his back if we use it the right way. The third one was involving me- or rather Akira- as one of his victims. That’s another piece of knowledge people can testify for- we can actually attempt to prove one of his misdeeds by explaining my history.”

Ren had kept a close eye on Goro to see how his boyfriend reacted to all this- he feared another nervous breakdown, especially at the mention of his mother- but to Ren’s relief, Goro seemed to be contemplating what had been thrown into the room.

“Sure, but my testimony can easily be written off as false. Your history- or Akira’s- can be proven by taking a closer look on the pictures in your files, but even that won’t be enough to bring Shido behind bars.”

“Yes, in front of the court, this alone won’t hold. But his behavior proves us one thing: he thinks of no one but himself. He doesn’t trust anyone, either. You know his allies, right?”

“You mean who’s connected to him? I know Okumura and he keep a close relationship. Shido’s ties go down even to the Yakuza, if the name Kaneshiro tells you anything.”

Ryuji gasped. “Hey, that’s the sucker who was threatening Shujin students back in our school days!”

Ann concernedly added: “He still does, as far as I know. The students that agreed to take an easy part-time job were actually roped into selling and delivering drugs. It got so bad most of them had to leave the country in fear of their lives or their loved ones.”

Goro had heard about the incidents. “Yes, I remember. I wasn’t the one who was put in charge of the investigation, but some useless newbie who let all the important evidence disappear.”

“Isn’t it more likely Shido hired them to make any incriminating proof disappear?” Yusuke threw in.

“That could be a possibility. But this talk about Kaneshiro isn’t leading us anywhere. Madarame was part of his inner circle, too, by the way. As far as I know, the head of the Police Department eats out of his hand, too- also my own Deputy Chief. There are more- but his ties to them are difficult to prove.”

“About my father…”

Haru timidly spoke up.

“If he truly is affiliated to Shido…wouldn’t he have some sort of contact to him? Something to trace him back and possibly- turn up something incriminating?”

Goro thought about it. “Well, if possible, you could place a bug in your father’s room- or wherever he tends to hold important conversations. Bug the whole house, actually. Raises the chance of finding something. Futaba, if you had access to something like Okumura’s work laptop, could you hack into his work mail? Maybe they keep in contact over e-mails.”

“Easy peasy. It might take some time to organize bugs, though- I need some time to put them together.”

“I could help you with that. If you show me how to build them once, I’m sure we’ll be faster together”, Yusuke offered.

“Hmmmm…if you’re that confident in yourself, I’ll consider.”

“Okumura-“

“It’s Haru, Akechi.”

“Uhm. Haru, then. You are aware you will be putting your father in front of the court?”

The once timid girl nodded her head determinedly. “I am. As I already told you- his misdeeds have gone on too long. I don’t like doing this, but he forces me to.”

Goro had newfound respect for her.

Ren chimed in again. “Shido keeps in contact with people, okay. But that’s also nothing incriminating. With the way he is- don’t you think he keeps some sort of trump card at bay, Goro?”

“You mean like blackmail?”

“To ensure no one falls back on his loyalty.”

“Possible.”

“Where would you assume he keeps that kind of data?”

Goro tipped his head back. “Well…he has a private laptop stashed in his office. But there’s also a ton of rooms in the building where he could store any non-digital data. It would seem extremely suspicious if I needed to enter his work offices or use his laptop after years, though. We can’t risk that.”

“Futaba, would you be able to access Shido’s laptop without having physical access to it?”

The ginger haired girl frowned. “It’s not impossible, but it’s much more difficult than, let’s say, plugging my USB in with the proper program on it. I can try, but I don’t know if it’ll be all that successful.”

More and more ideas were thrown into the room, but in the end, they all lead to nowhere. Too weak, or not enough- there were enough law students gathered in the room to assess the amount of ‘evidence’ needed to persecute the crimes of a man.

And it was by far not enough.

Exasperated, Ryuji threw his hands into the air. “None of this shit is safe by any means!”

Sadly, the others had no choice but to agree.

Gloom overtook the frilly atmosphere from before. “Is this all we can manage?” Akira mumbled.

“It’s just so unfair he controls the police, the legal system, _and_ has a bunch of hitmen at his side! Not to mention his fucking connections to people like Kaneshiro or Okumura! How much stronger can you get?! And then he’s even popular with the public, because they believe his disgusting lies!” Ann was close to tears.

Goro took a deep breath.

“I have another idea, actually. It’s- not safe, either, but it has a bigger chance at succeeding than all of our other ideas. It’s risky, though- no doubt it will put all of you in danger. _Real danger.”_ Goro made sure to accentuate his words.

“Tell us, Goro. We’ve got nothing to lose at this point- and we need to try everything we can.”

Goro knew Ren would disapprove of the plan. He would immediately hate it- but judging from their cluster of ideas, and their flimsy pile of evidence- it was their best shot.

“Well, we’ll definitely need Sae Nijima for the plan…”

“I’m sure my sister can be convinced.”

Goro sighed. “That’s not the only problem, though. Look…”

***

Slowly, each and every one of their friends told their goodbyes. Sumire and Makoto promised to take Futaba home, so Ren wouldn’t have to leave.

It was probably the better decision, judging how unhappy Ren looked. Goro had been worried he’d have chewed off his entire lip once they had finished discussing and planning.

The detective had accompanied his friends to the door, but Ren was still sitting on one of his spots in the booth, his look crestfallen.

Akira was the last one to leave.

“He seems reeeeally unhappy right now.”

“I expected as much. I didn’t believe he’d be joyful over my suggestion.”

“I mean, truth to be told, I’m totally against it as well. But we don’t have much of a choice, do we? Similar to when you were coerced to cover up murders. Actually, there’s some irony in this.”

Goro managed a weak smile. “You’re right.”

“Akechi…” Akira’s gaze was serious as he caught Goro’s hand- Goro had half a mind to pull away, but this didn’t seem to be intended as a romantic gesture.

“I’ve come to terms with the fact I wasn’t necessarily what you wanted. I know I’ve been stubborn about it- truth to be told, I still want you- but I’ve realized how happy you two make each other over and over again. I forgot to speak this out loud, but…I care for my brother, you are aware?”

Goro was a bit confused. “Of course?”

“So I care about his happiness, too. Just like I do about yours. So- promise me one thing. Promise me not to push Ren into despair again. You can’t. I have a feeling it will break him- at least if it happens now. I don’t mean to suggest you swear to say by his side forever. I won’t forgive you, however, if you leave him on his own after all of this is over.”

To accentuate his words, Akira squeezed Goro’s hand.

“Don’t let fate best you, Akechi. Don’t- not only for your own sake, or the people you care about- also _for_ the people that care about you. Promise me.”

The fierce determination burning in Akira’s eyes was something Goro had never witnessed before.

“A lot of this won’t be in my power, you know.”

“I’m not talking about that, though.”

“You mean the things I can influence myself, huh?”

“You catch on quick.”

“They say I have to, considering my job.”

Akira smiled.

“That aside…I’m not one for promises. But…”

Goro glanced back to where Ren had begun curling up on himself.

“I don’t wish him…anything bad. Frankly, I have not the slightest idea what made him think it’d be good to accept me and go out with-“

“Noooo no no no, none of that talk, Akechi.”

“You twins are so stubborn, and so alike.” A chuckle escaped Goro’s lips. “Alright. Look, I’m still not very adept about this whole…feelings thing. But I swear to you…”

Goro lowered his voice, unsure what emotions would bleed through if he spoke up any louder.

“I want a future. And…I want it with him. As well as the rest of you. Frankly, no one knows how this will end…But if I have the power to turn this into a happy ending- fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever said something so cheesy in my life- then I want him by my side. I want-“ Goro took a shaky breath.

“I want him. Us. This. Don’t make me say more!”

Akira laughed in satisfaction. “That’s alright, you’ve passed the test. Now go and help your mopey boyfriend sleep in peace- you have a date coming up, hopefully?”

Ah, right.

“You think…”

“I think a date’s exactly what he needs to get his mind off of things. Or you, for that matter. You know preparations are underway- but there’s not much either you or Ren can do for the time being. So your task is to make as many happy memories together as you can- or with us, whatever- so your anxiety and panic doesn’t overtake you. Okay?”

Goro nodded, unable to reply.

“Good. You know, I’d kiss you as some sort of goodbye- but I know I can’t do that, that it’s not my place to do so. I hope my brother appreciates that I hold myself back. Now go- both of you have to prepare for bed!”

“You sound like some sort of overprotective parent.” When the words left Goro’s mouth, he realized too late what he had said- and immediately, a lump formed in his throat.

“Akechi. Hey.”

“Sorry, this is- totally stupid-“

“No, look.” Akira bit his lip- odd, how similar the twins could be.

“None of us explicitly said it- because we were afraid it’d be too much for you right now- but you know we all give you our condolences, right? We’re all sad this happened. I suppose Ann did state it more clearly, though…”

“Don’t keep talking.”

“No, I have to say this. Regarding that matter- I think none of us, even Makoto, thought for even a second you were detestable for covering up those murders. Sure, I don’t think anyone supports the decision had it been done without any external factors- but we all know you, Akechi. None of us believe you’d be capable of killing off a human just like that. You’re far too kind for that.”

A bitter laugh escaped Goro’s lips. “You sound exactly like your brother right now.”

“Then just know he was right. You act all proud about your free will- but you need to accept that you had…none. Because the Goro Akechi I know would never stand for this. So I can only imagine what sort of pain and torment all this made you go through.”

A nasty _What do you know about me_ lay on the tip of Goro’s tongue, but he bit it back. It was uncalled for- and well, these people _had_ known him for what, intense four months now? Five?

He couldn’t be sure about the exact time anymore.

But maybe he didn’t know himself as well as he claimed he did- the Goro Akechi he saw himself as was incapable of love, after all. Was incapable of gaining anyone’s attention- or keeping it. Especially when it came to his true self.

The current Goro Akechi, standing in a nearly empty Leblanc, had a dozen of friends. He had acquaintances, and people he’s just newly gained attention of. He had a boyfriend who was secretly crying for his safety, and he had a place to call home- or a person. Even more- something like a family, because the bonds he’d forged- despite all his attempts of destroying and burning them down- held strong, even in the face of adversity.

So maybe he really didn’t know himself all that well.

“Maybe you need the lie of your free will to hold yourself up on your legs- that’s fine. You can keep telling yourself that. I’m not attempting to change your opinion here. What I want you to know is that you’ve made your way into a circle of friends that would blame you for your mistakes or openly talk about wrongdoings. And your current wrongdoing is neglecting your boyfriend. Covering up a murder when you were a child, abused by the authority around you? That wasn’t your mistake. That was the failure of an entire world for letting you down.”

“I hate how both of you push it onto the world order so conveniently.”

“Well, if you have such a hard time accepting this, reverse the situation. Imagine Ren was in your shoes- or me. Ann. Futaba- pick anyone. Would you blame them?”

Goro remained quiet.

Akira grinned. “I know your silence means no, but you’re too stubborn to admit it. Alright, that’s enough for tonight.”

A hand clasped his shoulder, releasing his own hand that now dangled uselessly in the air. “Don’t occupy your head with the question whether you’re guilty or not. Remember we’re all very happy you asked for our assistance- and how much you mean to us. To that sad little thing of a man back there.” Akira huffed, indicating towards Ren.

“Focus on that. The ‘guilty-or-not-guilty’ question can come way later- when all of this is over and we’re all happily reunited, drinking Ren’s fabulous coffee or eating his food. Man, I thought I was a good cook- scratch that! Keep the positive things going- and try to make as many happy memories in this week off as you can. I know you still have like, what, roughly two months to make more- but this week is significant. For all of us. Oh, and if you ever feel like it- let’s throw a party at Ann’s again! This time to welcome Ren. I have a hunch he and Ryuji would be good friends if they could bond a little longer. And I didn’t have enough time to get to know Futaba at all! She seems so quirky and cute. I could definitely see her as my own sister.”

“I really think you like to hear yourself talk, Akira.”

The raven grinned, a distant memory playing in the back of his mind. “Maaaaaybe. My ‘baby brother’ always acts tougher than he is, though. So take care of him, okay?”

Goro nodded, and with a last goodbye, Akira disappeared through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Where do I even begin. First of all, I really wanted a classical PT meeting where they plot to take Shido down, lol. I also wanted to see Goro getting smothered in hugs and nearly dying because he fINALLY REALIZES FRIENDS ARE NOT FOR LOSERS (OR THAT HE WILLINGLY BECOMES ONE HIMSELF). HE'S GROWN SO MUCH FROM WHAT HE WAS AT THE BEGINNING, AND YET HIS DEVELOPMENT AS A WHOLE IS STILL NOT DONE...BUT HE'S STILL GUNNING IT BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE TIME IS RUNNING OUT AND HE NEEDS TO FINALLY GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER.  
> Then- which I was really excited for- due to Makoto's lil anger scene, we also get a closer insight on Ren's feelings and BOY WAS THAT HARD TO WRITE. I'd really appreciate any comment that's thrown at me because THIS WAS SOOOO COMPLEX AND DELICATE AND HARD TO WRITE and I'd really like to know if I succeeded a lil in explaining Ren's feelings yet anew.  
> And at least Haru got a liiiiiil bit of a backstory, alongside Makoto. LOL  
> I'D LOVE TO READ YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS SCENE AND HOW YOU THINK IT PLAYED OUT and like I said...there's a lot more to discuss, but having all the PT's talk about how they feel about Goro (even though they've sort of told him that throughout the story and especially after Goro's first "confession" would be endangered to become repetitive..so I left it out....hope that was okay. Needless to say, they all feel supportive and the injustice against Goro hurts them all much more than to hear that he'd done drastical things to ensure his survival. They are friends, in the end- and Goro is asking for help, something he would never have done a few chapters ago (or, if we go by in fic time: weeks and months), so the are all really moved and think it's more important to show their support instead of each and every one of them expressing their opinion of Goro's life...Tell me what you think!  
> LOVE ALL THE THINGS YOU TELL ME ALL THE TIME AND THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS! We're nearing the end...but also there's STILL A BIT LEFT so don't leave me guys ;)  
> Oh, and this chapter is probably the one with the most dialogues (or monologues) and they do get lengthy, and I didn't loosen the brackets too much this time around- partly because the characters are really agitated and blurt this all out, but also because it was hard to loosen up in general by adding a million sighs, coughs, whatever- you know the drill xD So if it was hard to read, I'm really sorry lmao. I'll re-edit the entirety of the fic sometime...someday....I PROMISE


	48. Interlude: The Sun is a lonely thing, burning all alone, too far for anyone's reach, and yet- so close...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the mini scene I worked my butt off when I woke up to it today, the thing I told you a few chapters back. It's sort of a thank you, too, for all your comments and the support- I really thought it was unfair, that, after all this time, you guys don't hear Akira talk about his feelings one last time- so this is for you. I'm sorry it's rather short, the shortest chapter ever (will have to revoke saying Ren's lone POV chapter was the shortest LOL) but I hope you like it nevertheless.  
> Enjoy :)

The moon was the only witness as a lone raven stood outside Leblanc, trembling at the gush of cold air that crept into his clothes.

“Hm…”, he mumbled. “Maybe this is…punishment. I wonder…If I had acted any sooner…If I hadn’t been afraid of meeting my brother years earlier and apologized for messing up, conquering my fear of being resented…Would things between me and you have ended differently, Akechi? Or would you still have-“

The raven cut himself off. Mutely, he shook his head.

“I guess this is stupid. I shouldn’t hang onto the big questions of ‘What if’. Things…are the way they are now.”

A sad chuckle escaped him.

“Though I do wonder…Why do people associate me with the sun? Or a bright star, for that matter? And why do they think that’s a good thing? I’d give up being popular and ‘radiant’ if it meant I could have a future with you instead…And never did I ask to be someone so flashy and warm, it’d end up repulsing the person I grew most attracted to- my first love…But I do regret not reading you properly when you needed it most, I guess.”

A sigh.

“Hearing those words from your mouth…I wasn’t lying when I said I want you two to be happy, but man…It still hurts. It feels like daggers piercing into a wound that has just freshly healed, opening it up all over again, and adding freshly new ones to boot. I know I’m horrible for saying these things. I know it’s horrible I couldn’t be happy from the depths of my heart…”

Akira’s hand sneaked into his pocket, grasping something he’d kept hidden away ages ago. Slowly, he pulled it out, smiling softly as the moonlight shone onto the small accessory in his hand, reflecting the soft ray of shine.

It was a leather band with a small silver plate. Ingrained was Goro’s full name, and on the back of it had Akira left his own initials, alongside the day they got together. He had bought it as an anniversary present a month into their relationship, but he’d never gotten the courage to hand it over.

“I love you, Goro. I still do.”

He sighed again.

“Saying your name like that without permission…It really leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It doesn’t…feel good at all.”

Akira ran a hand through his hair.

“Why do you view me as the sun when my soul is just as greedy and tainted as any man in love? Why do you think I have no flaws when I see so many? Though…in a way, that is a declaration of love in itself, isn’t it, Akechi?”

Another weak chuckle escaped the raven.

“Not like the one I’ve hoped for, though. Even now, whenever I think back on the day you confessed to me- fake and staged as it was- my heart lurches. Really…Is there no way for us to get back together, my love?”

The darkness around him provided him no answer.

“I guess…It’s time to let go.”

Akira took a deep breath, his heart trembling as he formed a fist around the small leather bracelet.

Then, with as much power as he could muster up, he flung the band of love away, watching it disappear and be swallowed by the darkness.

“I’ll do my damn best to support you. You both deserve it. And I’m so sorry…for not mustering up the courage any sooner. Let’s write your tale a happy end…even if it doesn’t include me by your side.”

As the raven took his first steps, humming a tale of goodbye with silent tears streaking down his cheeks, he did not see that the band had slipped from his grasp before he’d thrown it away. It had landed in front of the doorstep of Leblanc, but it wouldn’t remain there for long. Late in the night, a curious crow, guided by the moon’s rays and light would find it- and greedily snatch it away, hide it from the world to ever see again.

But the raven did not know. He walked on, unknowing.

And the darkness kept quiet about it all, his love, his feelings, his last and only goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *quietly sings* Oh symbolism...oh symbolism...and remember how Goro said he associated himself with Crows? ;)  
> NGL...I had a lot of conflicted feelings about Akira, but I really wanted to show you all that in truth...he wasn't a bad guy. He's similar to everyone in this fic (Goro and Ren especially) that he fucked up and ruined stuff...Remember how Goro once mused about "The one who'd set fire to the world he was living in would be unexpected"? That was Akira. And he didn't want that, actually- but love is so complex. It has good and bad sides, and depending how you go at it- it can turn into a bad thing despite harboring good intentions. This is Akira's story, and sort of the end of his personal 'How I fucked up and learned'...but the sting and regret will always remain. It's easy to say he'll give up- it took him so long to even get there, too- but actually giving up now? Oh boy.  
> I hope you can see this flaw is as human as it gets, though- like all the personal stories of these characters in the fic.  
> And don't worry, of course he's still in the story and talks some more XD  
> Thanks for reading through my bullshittery once again x'D And hopefully, have even more fun in future chapters! Man, my heart hurts when I think we're closing in on the end. It's such a joy with you guys, and it never fails to bring a smile to my lips when I wake up or randomly check my mails and see someone took their time and shared their thoughts- so see you later, once more! ;D


	49. The Moon loses its glow, hurt; The Fool sets out to comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my love letter to the bathhouse rank up. Among other things.

The detective sighed. He turned around to the ‘sorry sight of a man’ curled up on one of the booths. Slowly, Goro made his way over to him.

Sure, he wasn’t really good at comforting, but maybe he could try and copy Ren’s techniques. Or maybe his own techniques wouldn’t work on him as well as they did on Goro.

Besides, Ren, engulfed by his fears, still acted differently than Goro. When Goro came to stand in front of him, Ren willingly lowered his legs and bared his face for Goro to see.

Needless to say, his face was a far cry away from being the handsome, competent charmer he usually was. Ren extended his arms silently, asking for a silent hug- and of course, Goro complied, letting his knees hit the soft leather of the booth, lowering himself on Ren’s lap and winding his arms around Ren’s neck.

Almost immediately, Ren threw his arms around Goro’s waist, pulling him in close. Tight, tighter- as if he was afraid he’d lose Goro if he let go.

Well, he wasn’t so wrong.

“I apologize. I am well aware how much pain my decision puts you through. But please remember it’s the only choice for me to get my revenge. This is something I need- no, must do myself- and I am ready to take the risk for it. However…you have made me aware that my decisions also reflect on the people around me.”

Ren didn’t react, merely burying his face at the juncture of Goro’s neck. Goro felt a warm breath of air hit his skin, Ren’s lips trailing alongside- and yet, instead of being able to revel in the comforting warmth, he could only focus on the irregular breath pattern.

As if on instinct, Goro let one of his hands trail down Ren’s back, scratching lightly through the fabric.

“No one was happy with my plan, I am aware. But they also realized it was our only option.”

Silence.

“Your silence on this matter means you realize that as well. There are no options here.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

The words were a hoarse whisper; a silent plead.

Goro let his other hand travel upwards, letting it disappear in the wild mop of black hair. He merely scratched lightly, more interested in twirling around Ren’s hair between his fingers- the thick, lush, and yet resistant texture gliding through his fingers oh-so-pliantly.

“I’ll do everything in my power not to let that happen.”

“There isn’t a lot in your power in this scenario, though.”

“True. However, you are aware that I do not…wish to die anymore. My life as a puppet has to come to an end for that, though, or else I’ll never be able to move on. You were the one who taught me that.”

A gentle kiss was pressed against his neck- one so carefully placed, Goro felt like a porcelain doll.

“I wish I could be glad to hear these words.”

“You’re not?”

“I am. But you know it’s not quite that easy. I wanted you to break free of the shackle of your chains so badly, I was unaware of what it’d cost. I fear-“

“If you dare say ‘I fear it costs me too much’ or something the like, I will rip myself free of you and walk right through that door.”

A bitter laugh escaped Ren’s throat.

“Now you’re threatening me? You’ve never learnt to stop being relentless, have you?”

“I do remember you saying it was part of my charm.”

“Funny how many of my own words come back to haunt me.”

Silence settled in the café once again.

“If you dare start crying, Ren, I’ll hit you.”

“That’s mean. Can’t you be a bit more lenient? At least tonight?”

“I’m not saying that because I hate you for reacting like this.” Goro took a breath.

“I hate you giving in to your fears. Your reaction to this matter almost makes it feel like you’ve already accepted defeat, as you are unable to focus on the good of it.”

“Well…it’s a high cost to pay, Goro. Give me at least tonight- tonight, in where I give in and am the weak man for once. Come on. I’ve been strong enough for a long time, haven’t I? I deserve a break, too. Let me indulge for once. I swear tomorrow…I’ll be back on my feet. Or at least, I’ll try to. But I can’t put up an act for tonight at least. If you feel unable to take it, I can go and spend the night at my other-“

“You’re an idiot”, Goro hissed, although his remark lacked the usual venom.

“I’m not telling you to never be weak in front of me anymore. Actually, that would be the worst thing you could do- hide your insecurities. Also very hypocritical, by the way. Akira once explained me that a relationship can only be upheld by two people working together. Do you really think I’d let you stem all of this on your own? This? Me? Your stupid twin brother made me watch enough soap operas to see how _those_ relationships ended up like.”

“That almost sounds like you admit those incredibly bland TV shows teach you anything.” A weak laugh escaped Ren’s lips, and Goro moved away a little- lifting Ren’s head up, cupping his cheeks with his hands and letting their gazes interlock in that electrifying stare they always ended up in.

Though this time, the shine in Ren’s eyes was bland, and the usual passion in his eyes lacked joy.

“They did a good job to teach me what it means to let your partner suffer in his insecurities. Most of the time, I was angrily yelling at the actors to get a fucking grip and talk to each other.”

This caused another weak laugh to escape Ren’s lips, and Goro was relieved to see the light in Ren’s eyes flicker a little. “You? Telling people to communicate? Isn’t that, like-“

“Hypocritical? Oh, definitely.”

“At least you realize that. Perceiving your own weaknesses is the first step to better yourself.”

Ren cupped Goro’s cheeks in return now, letting his thumbs caress the skin.

“I guess for me…you’re the biggest weakness, though. I wouldn’t change it for the world, however.”

“Even if it prevented you from- having a meltdown?”

“You’re worth it. That’s the reason I’m having this crisis in the first place.” Ren’s eyes shimmered with affection, causing Goro’s heart to leap into his throat.

“Fool.”

“I feel like that’s your most favorite insult for me.”

“There’s no other word that fits quite as perfectly.”

“What if you replaced it with ‘sweetheart’? Or ‘honey’? ‘Sweetie’? ‘Cupca-“

“If you don’t stop, I’ll hit you, even in your vulnerable state”, Goro deadpanned.

It only earned him a kiss, before Ren went back to burying his head in the crook of Goro’s neck.

“You can’t hide forever, you know.”

“I can certainly attempt to try.”

Goro sighed. “Fine. At least let us move upstairs and fall into bed. I may not have an early morning, but you’re clearly more exhausted than I am.”

“Will you turn off your extremely disturbing alarm clock if I comply?”

“Forever?”

“No, just for the week. I want to indulge into late, sleepy morning cuddles with you, now that I have the chance.”

What else could you say to that despite giving away a sigh? Goro complied, sliding off of Ren’s body and tugging him by his wrists.

“This won’t be the end, right? This won’t be the last time I’ll have you call me an idiot or a fool or drag me-“

“Of course not. Besides, we still have two months, Ren. Don’t forget.”

“It’s _only_ two months…” he heard his lover murmur, but Goro didn’t react.

“You know, the attic- or Leblanc- would be really comfortable to live in, would it not be for the fact that it has no doors and no bathroom.”

“I get the first point…but I mean, there’s a toilet downstairs-“ “Yes, but, urgh, thinking about the fact that you clean it everyday because guests and patrons use it makes me quite uncomfortable. And it’s also a lot of work. To top it off, it’s extremely small. And it has no shower.”

“You wanna take a shower? You know we can just hop over to the bathhouse for that. That’s what you usually do before you come back home, right?”

Caught in his habit of visiting the bathhouse right before returning to Ren after work, Goro pouted. “How do you even know?”

“The lady who runs the bathhouse curiously asked me about a newcomer in the neighborhood. He would apparently always leave a bit too much money behind. He was also very polite, cute, and had brown hair.”

“Bathhouses are expensive to run, and I use it quite frequently. There’s nothing wrong with giving a tip.”

“Usually they grant you a discount if you visit often. Honestly, the lady running it lets me use it for free because she knows I don’t have a bathroom and I spent a shitton of money at her place. She said I have to serve her free coffee in return. Fair deal. But she never comes for coffee- it’s not good for her health. She seems smitten with you, though. No doubt she’d let you use the bathhouse for free if I told her you lived with me.”

“As a roommate, or as your lover?”

“Whatever you prefer to be introduced as. Though I obviously would love to brag.”

“You know she could be homophobic, right?”

Ren shrugged. “I came out to her the moment she offered me unlimited usage. She said ‘Oh well, you can’t stop the youngsters from falling in love’ and that was that. I doubt she cares.”

“You’re impossible. What would you have done if she banned you from her establishment? There’s no other bathhouse in the vicinity, as far as I’m aware.”

“I mean, I could always use Sojiro’s house if worst came to worst.”

“And you weren’t afraid of just- casually dropping your sexuality like that?”

Ren smiled, a hint of mischief returning to him. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to love and attraction, Goro. I’ve never been a fan of hiding who I was…I just had a really bad image of myself. But we’re derailing from the topic. You wanna go take a dip?”

Goro considered the idea. After a bit of mulling, he replied, though his cheeks were affirmatively warm. “I can’t possibly leave you alone in your current state.”

“So you’d go to sleep all sticky and sweaty?”

“No, I’m telling you to tag along.”

Ren blinked. “You’re aware-“

“I’m not doing this to see you naked! You only take the towel off if you feel like it, anyway- you are allowed and requested to wear the towel around your hips even in the water!”

“Most people don’t. Is this actually a ploy to see me naked, now that you put it quite so perfectly? You know there are easier ways for you to-“

“Shut up! Shut up! I just think a hot bath would do you good, you imbecile!”

Goro’s cheeks were positively burning now, and he didn’t dare to look at Ren.

“Sorry.” Ren moved in close, drawing Goro into another hug- but it wasn’t nearly as tight as the one he had caught Goro in before. This one was a soft caress, a light featherly touch in comparison.

“You never apologize for your teasing. Don’t start now.”

“So you actually like my teasing, too?”

Goro clenched his teeth. “I like it better when you…can be as carefree as you want to. And don’t hide your words in an attempt to protect me from whatever bullshit you conjure up in your head.”

“Essentially, you want me to cheer up.”

Goro’s blush deepened. “I told you everything’s going to be fine. I don’t want you to waste your time on thinking about the million possibilities out there. Didn’t you say yourself you can’t promise me eternity, but you will promise me the present? Why don’t you focus on that?”

Goro wanted to do everything and anything in his power to make the sad look on Ren’s face disappear and fulfill the promise he had made to his twin brother- of taking care of Ren.

Even if he had no fucking idea how it worked.

_What did Akira once say again? That he just- winged stuff?_

_Maybe this will be my attempt of winging it, then._

_Hopefully I won’t crash and burn._

_Or worse, make Ren crash and burn._

“Do you want to go to the bathhouse with me or not?”

“Well, not sure how a hot bath is supposed to help me, but…I’m willing to try.”

“Good.”

Quickly, Goro broke off the hug, taking Ren’s hand in his and tugging him downstairs again. They didn’t need to walk long to reach the bathhouse- it was literally on the opposite of the street, next to the laundromats. The old lady wasn’t anywhere to be seen- no wonder, as it was quite late- and Goro was about to drop off the fee for two people when Ren stopped him.

“You know even if you put the money on the counter at this time, she’s probably not going to receive it. You might as well pay her back when she’s here, or else someone else will just steal the fee away.”

Begrudgingly, Goro saw reason in Ren’s argument, so the two of them went through to the men’s changing section.

Feeling shy, Goro turned his back as Ren began to strip, and didn’t dare to turn around until Ren told him he’d be going on ahead. Only then did Goro change himself, cladding the towel around his waist and walked towards the hot baths.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the sublime, naked upper body of Ren greeting him upon first sight. The raven had already entered the bath, though stayed close to the edge where the hot water wasn’t as high. His hair was still dry, so he must have just skipped the washing his hair section and went straight on to the hot tub. He didn’t even seem to notice Goro’s presence, as his eyes had yet another faraway look in them.

Goro would change that. Even if his stupid mouth wouldn’t stop watering at the sight of his naked, wet boyfriend in a tub and his brain seemed to shut off any higher braincells, leaving only a primal desire stirring in his gut.

No, no. Goro would _not_ submit to his carnal desires.

_Well, not today- not yet._

“It seems we are alone in the bath”, he said instead, walking closer to the steaming tub and silently hoping Ren wouldn’t see the blush rising in his cheeks until he was deep down in the hot water.

Ren’s gaze lifted slightly, and as much as Goro hoped for another one of his dumb jokes, Ren only smiled weakly.

“I mean, given the time, that’s not really a surprise, is it?”

Thank _fuck_ Ren was wearing the shitty towel around his waist- Goro didn’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t.

“I suppose you’re right. I see you haven’t washed your hair”, the brunet remarked as he sat down on the edge of the tub close to Ren, letting his feet splash in the comfortable hot water.

“Ah…well, I didn’t really- find the energy for it, I guess. I’m hoping the bathtub might give me back some energy, actually. Or let me relax- whatever you were hoping for, I guess.”

The detective took a deep breath- alright, he could do this. His stupid horny self just had to step back for a second.

“I could do it, you know?”

“Hm?”

“Wash your hair for you. In return, you could help me wash mine. I’ve heard that…massaging the scalp is an effective method to drive anxiety away. Or something like that. At least it’s supposed to help you relax.”

Ren blinked, the water around him stirring a little as he caught Goro’s gaze.

“You…wanna wash my hair?”

_Come on, pull one of your stupid, lewd jokes. Or don’t- I don’t know what would happen if you did._

_Maybe I’d be too honest for a hot second._

“I could also just pull you out of the bath by yanking at your hair and forcibly dragging you to the wash section, if you don’t wanna move yourself.”

_That sounded even kinky to me._

Ren had a small smile on his face. “No, I’d gladly accept the offer and cooperate. You don’t offer to wash my hair everyday, after all.”

Slightly disappointed that the raven hadn’t taken the opportunity to pull a lewd joke, Goro slowly got back onto his feet, offering a hand to his boyfriend in the tub.

“Don’t slip and fall. I’m not sure your doctor friend would appreciate it if you hit your head at this time of the night.”

A stronger giggle escaped Ren now as he heaved himself up, letting Goro help him on his feet- and remarkably, didn’t even slip despite his wet feet.

_I really do hope that towel doesn’t fall off, even if it’s completely soaked and- oh no, stop looking, Goro!_

“No, I doubt she would. I remember I called her over once in the middle of the night when Futaba had a really bad case of the flu and Sojiro and me had grown scared she needed to be admitted to the hospital or something. Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious- but oh boy did I have to pay for making her come at such an inhuman time.”

“How did you pay her back?”

“Tae is always busy inventing new drugs. She needs a test subject to…check the drug’s effects and side effects on, though. I’m sort of like a guinea pig to her- and thanks to that little incident where I called upon her in the night, I was knocked out for an entire day.”

Ren laughed as if the memory was something funny.

Goro just felt queasy at the thought.

“That…can’t be legal. To experiment on you like that- isn’t it…dangerous?”

They’d reached the wash section, and Ren lowered himself on one of the small stools.

“Don’t worry. Tae would never give me anything that could potentially damage my health long-term. She isn’t that reckless.”

“And you know that how? Being out for an entire day doesn’t sound healthy to me.”

Goro grabbed his favorite shampoo off the shelf. It was one he used himself rather frequently- and to think Ren would smell like him in a matter of few minutes, caused by none other than his own hands-

Well, Goro was certainly enticed by the idea, as much as he loved Ren’s own scent.

“Well, I guess I just trust her.”

The detective’s face fell into a scowl. “One day, your inexplicable trust in people could lead to your downfall.”

He realized the meaning of his words far too late- not that it would have meant anything significant had they not just come out of a war meeting with a nefarious plan.

But they had, and Goro wanted to hit himself for being so inconsiderate and letting his tongue slip oh-so-casually.

He searched Ren’s look in the mirror in front of them- the entire wash section was mirrored, for whatever reason there was

Luckily, the raven hadn’t taken Goro’s words to heart. He had a wry grin on his face.

“Well, I don’t trust that many people to begin with. If the ones I do trust end up betraying me one day…Well, that’s life, I guess.”

“I won’t.”

“Huh? Oh, hey!”

Brutally, Goro turned on the little portable showerheads connected to each wash section, drenching Ren in warm water- he saw Ren curse under the onslaught of water, before he realized it’d be easier to close his eyes and mouth.

Quietly, almost inaudible over the torrent of water, he repeated: “I won’t betray your trust in me. I’m not foolish enough to attempt so after being granted the opportunity to be with you after such a long time.”

When he turned the showerhead off, pouring the shampoo into his hands and proceeding to mash it into Ren’s wet, clingy hair, he couldn’t make out Ren’s expression- so long as he resisted looking into the mirrors, that was. The raven had his back turned to him and Goro was towering over him from behind, and Goro wanted to see his face, and not a reflection- but from his current position, it’d be difficult.

Even if he did, he probably would have panicked more at the teary look in Ren’s eyes. The barista wasn’t moved to tears because he was afraid- but because thinking back on where it all started, Ren knew Goro would have never been able to say something like that out loud.

Gently, Goro begun massaging Ren’s scalp, spreading the shampoo more evenly than before.

“I’ve never done this sort of thing before”, he mumbled, and Ren perked up at that.

“Washing your hair?”

Goro answered by growling, but he was secretly glad that Ren was back to making jokes now. “No, idiot. I mean I’ve never…attempted to wash someone else’s hair. I remember, when I was young, and Mother would return earlier…She would wash my hair in the bathhouse, despite my insisting I had already washed it decently. I’ve never…did anyone else’s, though.”

“So that makes me really special, huh?”

Goro deliberately let some of the shampoo drip into Ren’s eyes, and chuckled lightly at the painful hiss.

“It does. Have you, though?”

“Hm?”

“Washed someone else’s hair.”

Ren thought about that for a while.

“Well…yeah.”

A spark of jealousy bolted through Goro’s body, and he couldn’t hold himself back from scratching Ren’s scalp a little more sharply.

“Oh, really? Who was it?”

“Hmmm…let me think…he was really cute. A guy roughly my age.”

“Oh?” Goro’s fingertips dug into Ren’s scalp a little stronger.

“Yeah. Our relationship was sort of complicated. I didn’t think I’d get to wash his hair so soon, though.”

“You entered the bath together?” Goro hated the jealousy tinging through his body, and he did his best to loosen the grip he had on Ren’s hair.

He wasn’t all too successful, but hey. Hopefully it hurt less.

“Mhmmm. But he was kind of out of it at the time. Shame, though.”

“What was his name?”

“It’s someone you know. I’ll let you figure it out yourself.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, let me help you. He was really handsome- a real eye catcher. He liked being in the spot of attention, but he wasn’t very tame- he could bite and scratch you if you weren’t careful. A real…wild cat. He had really beautiful brown hair, but it was extremely sullied at the time. What I saw wasn’t pretty in the sense that I wanted the wounds to disappear of the no doubt beautiful body underneat, but I didn’t have the luxury of oogling him, so safe to say I barely remember anything. He also stunk badly- I was glad he didn’t resist much when I threw him into the tub and begun scrubbing the dirt off his body.”

Oh, wait. Hang on. This sounded awfully familiar.

Ren tipped his head back, catching Goro’s gaze- and a playful smile adorned his lips.

“Can you guess who it was?”

Goro once again let the shampoo drip into Ren’s eyes- Ren yowled, and Goro was glad he couldn’t see the full body flush spreading.

“Idiot”, he mumbled. “You count _that_ as washing someone else’s hair? A medical intervention?”

“Ouch, yikes, this burns- well, didn’t I do a good job at making you jealous? Of yourself?”

“Shut up”, Goro cursed, but when he continued spreading the shampoo, he was much gentler in his actions, and he wasn’t able to hide the smile on his lips.

“I must admit, I could get used to this.”

“You better not. I’m not your personal servant.”

“So this is a special service? A one time thing?”

“No. It entails certain conditions. If they are fulfilled, I might possibly feel inclined to do this.”

“Aw, and you won’t tell me what they’re about?”

Goro carefully rinsed off the shampoo, and when the last speck of shampoo flushed down the drain, he grabbed Ren’s head, tilting it back- rewarded with an endearing smile- and emboldened, pressed a kiss to Ren’s forehead.

He was more than just satisfied not to be the one blushing from head to toe for once.

Or, well. Not be the only one.

A cheeky smile on his lips, Goro answered: “No. That will remain a secret.”

Ren gaped at him, his cheeks flushed, his jaw dropped- and when he was finally able to close his mouth again, his smile was a remembrance of what Goro associated with the usual him.

“Well, I guess if it gets me this kind of special service- I’ll let it remain a secret.”

“Good choice. Certain things will lose their effects if used too often.”

Ren rose, the towel magically still clinging onto his waist- and grinned.

“Nothing will ever be able to make you lose your charm, Goro. Especially not the charm you use on me.”

“You’re derailing into cheesy territory again.”

Goro felt his heart pucker wildly in his chest as Ren draped his hand around Goro’s neck, pulling him in closer and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. This was different from any other kiss in the way that…well, they were both pretty naked, and they were preeeetty much alone, and then they were doing intimate things like- like washing each other’s hair, and-

Goro decided his brain was allowed to shut the fuck up for a minute as he relished in the kiss. Despite the heat of their bodies’ undoubtly spicing up the atmosphere, the kiss Ren gave him remained chaste- though it remained long.

The detective still believed he should chide his lover. “Just because it’s late doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. This is still an open establishment.”

“Mhmmm…but I remember you being into exhibitionism.”

“I am not! Stop that outrageous lie from spreading-“

“Alright, alright”, Ren laughed, “Fine. Go on, sit on one of the stools. It’s your turn now- and then we can finally soak ourselves in the hot water. I do know for a fact you enjoy having my hands on your scalp and your hair, though.”

Goro reluctantly sat down. “I’m not going to bother to deny that. It’s- ah.”

His thoughts cut off as Ren gently scraped him, and Goro had to suppress a purr escaping his lips. Ren continued playing with Goro’s hair for a bit before he turned the showerhead on and letting it rinse his hair- not before thoroughly checking the temperature on his wrist.

Well, Goro would never be as good and as considerate as Ren was, he mused. But that was probably okay. Neither of them had to attempt to match the other in any way- because both of them were happy and content with what they received at all.

And they fit, somehow.

Neither of them knew that both of them shared the insatiable desire to make the other happy even beyond that, though.

Goro reveled in the feeling of Ren’s fingers in his hair, massging his scalp or gently shampooing strands of his hair. Even if he was the one who was supposed to pamper Ren right now, he was sure Ren enjoyed coddling him as much as he liked to be coddled.

If he did at all. Ren hadn’t mentioned whether he liked Goro’s behavior so far or not.

Hm.

Luckily, as soon as Goro’s hair was done, Ren quietly spoke up, erasing his fears.

“You know you don’t have to do this. Comforting me. I know you wouldn’t do this without actually wanting it, though, and…I can’t say I hate it. Thanks.”

As Goro got up, careful not to let his towel slip, he quirked an eyebrow. “Does that mean you’d rather want me to stop? Because I can.”

“Ah- no, sorry. That wasn’t what I meant. It’s just…so unusual for our roles to be sorta reserved. Or to see your soft side so eagerly. It takes a bit of getting used to.”

Ren’s comment irked Goro a bit, but a look at his boyfriend let the anger disappear. Ren was smiling softly, yearningly- and there was still that bitter sadness in his eyes Goro couldn’t erase.

Fuck.

The raven held out his hand, gesturing at the bathtub. “Come on now. Let’s not waste any more time and get to the real deal.”

Goro accepted his hand eagerly, and despite the lack of other people around them, they chatted on in hushed voices.

When they finally entered the bathtub, Goro’s tense muscle immediately relaxed at the steamy warm water surrounding him. The two of them moved further in, so that they could still sit comfortably, but the water was up to their clavicles now.

Goro was glad for it. At least the water kept his curious eyes away from glancing and spotting too much of Ren’s body.

Though he _still_ stole quite a few glances, much to Ren’s amusement.

When both of them felt like they had spent enough time in the soothing water, Ren suggested they return for the rest of the night. Goro was inclined to agree.

They dried off their hair- Goro tried besting Ren’s hair and pamper his boyfriend some more- but after hearing too many painful hisses, decided it was probably better to let Ren himself handle the brushing and taming.

He allowed Ren to dry off his own hair, though, and Ren was more than just diligent in brushing and drying Goro’s silky brown hair.

“You took good care of it, Goro. How come?”

“…Even when I hadn’t gotten to know you yet, I felt like my hair was something I had inherited from my mother’s side. Shido is pretty much bald, after all, and I couldn’t imagine him with brown hair- his stubbles are a deep black. I felt like…I should at least attempt and honor that part of me, because nothing else connected me to her anymore. Even if this stood in contradiction to resenting myself and blaming me for her death- but this was like a remembrance of some sort, you see? I had to take good care of it…because I failed to do so in the first try.”

Goro coughed. “Also because my work as a Detective Prince wouldn’t allow me to have spliced hair, but that wasn’t my main motivation.”

“You did inherit it from her, that’s true. But remember it is part of your own self now. Don’t just take care of it because you feel inclined to, Goro. I doubt your Mother would appreciate, either. And take care of the rest of yourself with as much care as you do about your hair, okay? Promise me.”

Goro hung his head low. “I’m aware. But growing comfortable to that concept is…so bewildering and foreign, I…”

“It scares you?”

“I feel repulsed by it.”

“I understand. It’s not that easy to change the way you think about your own self-worth one moment to the next. But remember how much you mean to me if it helps- begin there, before eventually settling on realizing that you should treasure yourself for your own sake. It’s a tricky little beginning, but I mean- if it helps you get to a starting point, use the idea.”

“I’ll keep it in the back of my mind.”

Ren kissed his cheek, granting him a warm smile. “Good.”

Too late Goro realized they were already on their way back to the locker rooms. He was definitely _not_ prepared to change in front of his boyfriend.

Or worse, stare longer at how the soaked towel around Ren’s waist was slowly descending downwards.

Ren picked up on his uncomfortableness. “Oh, sorry- you’re not okay with this. I forgot, ah.”

_It’s not that._

“I just- uhh…let me grab my things and you can change first? I can leave the room afterwards and wait for you to finish. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I guess this is just a step too far-“

“I’ve been gaping at you like a stupid, horny virgin for a long time now, Ren. I’m not _uncomfortable_ with undressing myself or seeing you naked because it’s too intimate for me, idiot. It’s because I don’t know what happens _after_ I set sights on you in your entirety. I’ll just change on the other side of the room, you oblivious fool!”

Granted, Goro’s full on body blush was back- but at least he wasn’t alone with being flushed to embarrassment once again.

Funny, Goro didn’t know Ren’s cheeks would tint rather darkly.

As if he still hadn’t quite realized what Goro was saying, Ren merely brought out an ‘Oh- okay?’ as Goro swiftly took his things and ran to the other side of the room, not daring to look back.

He heard the shuffling of clothes as both of them begun stripping themselves bare, and did his best to focus on his own rustles and blend out whatever was happening at the other side of the room. Sure, there was a measly low wall of more lockers between them, which didn’t really work as a partition, but- it was better than nothing.

Thankfully Ren informed him when he was done, and Goro let out a sigh of relief. Danger was over.

Or wasn’t, judging from the Cheshire like grin on Ren’s face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Clearly, _something_ is up or you wouldn’t have that stupid look on your face.”

“Hmmm…nah, everything’s fine, really. Come on, let’s go back already.”

Goro narrowed his eyes, but he decided there was no harm in letting Ren indulge himself. They locked their hands naturally, and quickly returned home. Luckily Leblanc was close- Goro had forgotten to take any sort of jacket with them.

Upon entering the warm establishment, the brunet realized he had forgotten his phone on the counter. It lit up a few minutes later, when Ren had already went upstairs to change into his pajamas.

The detective was surprised by the person messaging him.

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:30): I hope you dorks are having fun_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:35): I mean I’m more concerned about Ren but whatever_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:36): you’re hopefully indulging him, right?_

Past Goro would have been jealous at the attention directed at Ren. There was still an undeniable spark of jealousy darting through his body, but Goro dismissed it quickly- all that mattered right now was taking care of Ren, and his stupid inferiority complexes would hopefully fade over time.

_Me (00:37): I am. He’s suffering under some erratic mood swings, though._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:38): I mean, duh? Ofc he would._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:40): but since I’m such a generous and nice person I’ll give you a tip_

_Me (00:41): I don’t necessarily need your help. This is my fault and I’ll be responsible in fixing it._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:41): Uh ya sure buddy. Well imma get to the point_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:42): In an old chat with Ren I read he said he’s a real sucker for cheesy things_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:43): he was watching this video of a pocky challenge and he said I shit you not_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:43): ‘hopefully my s/o will attempt this silly idea to cheer me up sometime’_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:44): urgh. So yeah there you go. Do what you want. But remember_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:44): if my brother is still down by the end of the next week_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:45): I can access your entire browser history in your entire life_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:45): wouldn’t want that to get out to public hUh??? HMM???_

_Me (00:46): Sadly for you, I’ve never used a browser for anything other than work or college purposes_

_Me (00:46): If you want to read about Kant’s philosophy or criminology classes, well. Indulge yourself_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:47): aw man. You’ve never googled gay porn or something??_

_Me (00:47): I’d refrain from talking about such things to you, thank you very much._

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:47): on second thought me too. Well cheer my bro up, okay?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:48): I don’t want to see him so close to tears anymore. Or so miserable_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:48): last time he looked like that was…ages ago_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:49): precisely, when his parents disowned him and he had nowhere to go_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:50): so…be mindful, okay? He never trusted me or Sojiro with his fears_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (00:50): so hopefully you can make him talk or relax or whatever_

_Me (00:51): I’ll do my best._

Ren came down the stairs, yawning. “Hey, you’re taking too long. You don’t wanna sleep?”

Goro eyed him critically. “Are you tired yet?”

His boyfriend shrugged sheepishly. “Honestly, I’m wide awake. I tried going to sleep, but…it just didn’t work. I doubt I’ll sleep without some sort of sleep inducing tea, though.”

The brunet perked up at that. “Oh, that might not be the worst idea. Do you have any here?”

Ren shook his head. “I used up most of my lavendel herbs for you a few days ago, when you had trouble falling asleep after those…dreams.”

Ah, of course- that explained some things.

Still, this fit perfectly into Goro’s plans.

“Then let me quickly go and get some from the convenience store. You have one that’s open until three in the morning near the neighboorhood, correct? You’ve already changed, so I’ll go on my own.” Goro got up, ready to leave, but an energetic tug at his sleeve halted him in his step.

Ren was glowing, but not in the positive way.

“No.”

“What?” Goro furrowed his brows.

“I’m not- I’m not letting you go alone. I-“ A conflicted expression appeared on Ren’s face, and Goro cursed himself. Of course- after Ren had acted a bit more like himself again, Goro had been sure most of his fears would have subsided by now, but-

Judging from the almost violent pull on his shirt, Goro wasn’t going to leave the house without Ren anytime soon.

With a sigh, he turned around. Gently, he pried Ren’s grip off- much to the other’s dismay, obviously.

“You know you shouldn’t be this paranoid, Ren. Nothing will happen if I go to the convenience store alone.”

Ren bit his lip. “The logical part of my brain is aware of that. The lovestruck part doesn’t want you to leave my side for even a second.”

Almost as if he was disgusted by himself, Ren took a step back. “Sorry. I know I’m being- completely irrational here. I know I should just let you go, but-” Ren’s eyes widened in fear, repeating those words in a haze: “Let you go…”

Goro knew the telltale of a breakdown when he saw one. Quickly, he interfered, before Ren could possibly end up crying on the floor.

“Go quickly and change your pants. Just don a warm coat and we’re good to go.”

“Huh?” Confused and thrown off, Ren blinked at his grumpy boyfriend.

“Look, I don’t like waiting for long. Go and change already. I told you I’d tolerate your selfishness today, didn’t I? You cannot possibly cling onto me all the time, Ren, but…Well, I suppose there isn’t any harm in letting you do this for tonight at least. Go quickly before I change my mind.”

Ren didn’t need to be told twice.

_Me (01:00): Has your brother always been so afraid of losing things?_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:00): depends. You’re a different story altogether, so you can’t compare that_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:00): esp not to how he usually handles his fears_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:01): let him be an idiot for a few hours at least. Be patient_

_Me (01:01): Don’t tell me what to do_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:01): Jerk! I’m only trying to help!_

Despite the fact that he and Futaba were sort of always fighting and insulting each other, their relationship in a whole had changed for the better, at least partly. They texted much more, at least. About Featherman R- or Ren. And Futaba wouldn’t ever have offered help if she really hated Goro to the death- but neither of them were really acutely aware of all this.

Goro sighed, stuffing his phone back into his jacket. Come to think of it…this was technically Ren’s coat, he realized. He really needed to stock up on some clothes. Borrowing Ren’s stuff was nice for a while, but he really needed…more of his own private stuff.

Besides, the idea of Ren in _his_ clothes seemed nice, too.

_Me (01:02): We’re going shopping tomorrow...if that’s alright. I need some new clothes._

_Me (01:02): We also need a babysitter for Ren, though, I’m not taking him along._

**_\------------------ You have been added to a new group chat------------------_ **

_Me (01:02): Huh?_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:02): Hey Akechi! Sorry to spring this onto you! Sure, tomorrow’s good!_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:02): I just thought a group would be easier to organize. Anyone online?_

_Akira (01:02): ofc ;)_

_Akira (01:02): wazzup_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:02): Akechi and I have a shopping date tomorrow, but uuuuuuh_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:03): I’m guessing Ren’s too much of a wreck to be left alone rn_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:03): So hey, let’s help Akechi out! Can someone help in busying Ren?_

_Loud and boisterous Ryuji (01:04): brooooooo what. Akechi u sure about this. Ann is a menace when she’s out for clothes_

_Loud and boisterous Ryuji (01:04): also don’t you have like classes tomorrow @Ann???_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:04): none of your busineeeeeesssssss, punk ~_

_Talented artist (01:04): I’ll gladly offer myself._

_Sumire Yoshizawa (01:05): Uhm…phrasing, Yusuke?_

_Haru Okumura (01:05): Oh! I’d be delighted to get to know Ren more! I haven’t been able to talk to him at all._

_Makoto Nijima (01:05): How come everyone’s awake?_

_Morgana (01:05): We’re all creatures of the niiiiighht ;)_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:05): wow, who would’ve thought the almighty Goro Akechi would ask for help_

_The greatest hacker in the universe (01:06): also ngl it’s a great thing you all installed the Futaba Messenger_

_Loud and boisterous Ryuji (01:06): so the shit we write here is encrypted?_

Goro felt annoyed at the incessant buzzing of his phone, and sighed at the onslaught of messages he no doubt had to sort through after coming back from their short night trip. He’d deleted most of his friends’ numbers after that one day, so he actually had to shamelessly ask for most of their numbers this evening again. Most of them had saved their numbers in his phone themselves, but…

Ann’s name was the only one he’d changed. Ryuji was the one who saved Yusuke, and the other way round- but both of them fit.

“I’m ready.”

Ren’s soft voice made him look up. He had actually changed all of his clothes- what an unnecessary thing to do, really- and Goro was glad to see he had actually picked up a scarf and one of his warm jackets.

Without thinking, he reached out for Ren’s hand- it was night, this was Yongen-Jaya, no one would recognize Goro anyway- and clasped it tightly, to the other’s delight.

“Let’s go already. I don’t want to spend much more time in the cold.”

“You were the one who insisted to go shopping in the first place, though.”

“Stop pointing out unnecessary things and show me the way already!”

“Soooo demanding, Goro.” Ren pressed a kiss onto their linked hands. “I wonder if you’re as demanding in bed?”

“That’s for you to find out”, Goro countered, and pleasantly noted that Ren had not expected a comeback at all, leaving him spluttering and red.

Soon, the convenience store came into their sight, and Ren motioned for Goro to let go of their hands. The brunet was about to do so when he took note of the kicked puppy look on Ren’s face he was desperately trying to hide- and had half a mind to drag Ren into a corner to kiss him flush on the lips.

“I wouldn’t let your hand go if it only meant for rumors or nasty headlines to rise in the morning. I’m more afraid this will get out to Shido. Don’t think this is going to be the norm in the future- hiding you, or us, I mean.”

_If anything, I want the entire world to know I hold your heart- and you mine._

Ren looked stumped, dazed- and he probably wouldn’t have moved if Goro didn’t drag him into the store, grabbing him by the wrist.

He ordered the raven to go and search for a good sleep inducing tea. “Don’t use pills, I…I don’t like knowing people swallow pills or…see them do it in front of me. Like, I can endure it, I take some myself from time to time, but…” Goro let his sentence trail off.

“Because you still associate it with-“

“Yes. I know the truth now, but that won’t make my unease disappear. So please try and find tea. I can obviously accommodate to sleeping pills, but…”

_They make me queasy._

“No, I get it. It’s okay.” Ren smiled at him in a reassuring manner, before heading out for a different aisle.

Goro set out for the sweets section in the meantime. He found way too many different type of flavors for the Pocky Sticks, and had to consult Ann which one to take.

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:25): Well I mean I don’t know Ren as well as you do but…chocolate?_

_Me (01:25): That doesn’t sound very reassuring._

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:25): Well strawberry is nice but it doesn’t taste as good when you wanna smash your lips_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:26): Ive never tried this Milk flavor thing_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:26): and besides, have you ever read a romance novel where they eat honey pocky sticks?_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:26): Disgusting! An Abomination! Chocolate is definitely the go to._

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:27): And if you say Ren’s into Pocky Challenges, well, they always end up using the classic_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:27): Which is…Drumroll…Chocolate!_

_Me (01:27): Fine. I’ll rely on your advice then._

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:28):Yaaas! Go, Akechi! It’s so adorable you’re out late shopping for him, tho._

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:28): like literally this is so romantic_

_Me (01:29): It’s not as romantic if you remember I was the one putting Ren into his misery in the first place._

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:30): Uh oh! Noooo! Don’t ruin this, Akechi! Shhhhh!_

_Pink Featherman Girl Ann (01:31): By the way, did you guys have sex already? Like, are you a virgin, or…?_

Goro choked on thin air, dropping his phone back into his pocket and hoping to burn the question from his mind. He didn’t even bother hiding the sweets in his hand when Ren came searching for him. He’d end up seeing them, anyway.

“Pocky? What for?” he eyed the package curiously.

“You’ll know soon enough.”

Ren shrugged, and the two of them made their way to the electronic checkout counter. Less human interaction- just like Goro preferred it. Curiously, he eyed the small package of sleep tea Ren had just scanned. Apparently, it was some sort of mix including lavender, melissa, valerian and peppermint. The detective was just glad he didn’t have to see Ren use sleeping pills.

Goro was more than just glad to be back again. Quickly, the two of them shed themselves of their coats, with Ren heading up to change into pajamas once again. He was faster this time, and Goro had already put on the hot water- he was a disaster in the kitchen, but he could manage this much- when he returned, promising to take care of the rest and telling Goro to wait for him upstairs.

Goro pulled the TV table close to the makeshift bed again, pulling out a random DVD from Ren’s shelves. Maybe Ren would relax more if he reminisced about the beginning of their relationship, fucked up as it had been. Goro also pulled out one of the big paper cartons, filled with coffee bean bags, and decided it’d make a good makeshift nightstand with a few creative tricks- just so that Ren could put his tea down from time to time.

When he was satisfied with the setup, Goro moved to the far end of the bed near the wall, slipping under the covers, but still remaining in a seated position. The package of Pocky sticks remained in his hand.

Soon, Ren trotted upstairs, a steaming cup of tea in his hand. No, actually- two. Upon Goro’s questioning glance, he explained: “I thought it wouldn’t hurt to make one for you, too. They’re supposed to be generally calming and soothing, and…you put up a tough front, but you’re shaken up, too, I know it. Obviously you don’t have to drink it if you don’t feel up to it, though.”

Goro put his steaming cup of tea onto the small stoneboard attached to the window next to the bed. Ren was surprised Goro had had the idea of putting on a movie, but sprung onto the idea very fast.

They kept the volume low, though, as they weren’t that invested into watching than having some sort of background noise.

Well, now onto Goro’s flimsy plan.

Halfway through the movie, when Ren had already finished his cup of tea- and Goro’s remained forgotten- Goro pulled out one of the Pocky sticks, sticking it halfway into his mouth.

Ren made a sideway glance at the motion. “Ah, right, those were the sweets you bought earlier. Were you truthfully craving for chocolate when you suggested going out?”

“No, but when I saw them I thought they weren’t such a bad idea for a late night snack.”

He munched on the surprisingly tasty chocolate stick, swallowing it whole as he pushed the rest of the stick into his mouth.

Then he took another one out, sticking it only partly into his mouth. Surely Ren would ask for a taste now.

“Do you like it?”

“Hm?” It was difficult to speak around a chocolate stick stuck in your mouth.

“Pocky sticks. Do you like how they taste?”

The chocolate stick jumped dangerously around Goro’s mouth as he nodded, and Goro feared it’d break.

“That’s good”, Ren remarked, before focusing back onto the TV.

Urgh. Really? Goro had to initiate this himself, too?

Fine. Ren definitely owed him for this though.

He swallowed the second chocolate stick before speaking up again. “You...want a taste?”

He cringed at the utterly incompetently phrased sentence. Ren blinked, before turning his head to Goro again, muttering out a confused “Hm?”

The brunet was positive he was blushing by now. “I said, would you like a taste.”

“Oh. Well…sure, why not?”

Goro pulled out one of the sticks, sticking it into his mouth and letting it dangle seductively. Ren stared at him, waiting for Goro to hand him another stick, clearly not getting the message.

“Um, Goro? Did you decide not wanting to share?”

Angry that his plan didn’t work, Goro broke off the small piece of the stick that was stuck in his mouth, taking the rest of his stick into his hand and- furious- jammed it right into Ren’s mouth. He only managed a surprised yelp before Goro dove in to squish their lips together.

The Pocky sticks crumbs fell onto the bed as Goro eased up, Ren reaching for the back of his neck and pulling him closer.

When they released each other, Ren seemed slightly confused. “Did I anger you? Well, the Pocky stick was tasty, though, so…”

Goro wanted nothing more than to smother the fool. Was he doing this on purpose? Riling Goro up?

Embarrassed at his childish anger, Goro buried his face in Ren’s chest. “I asked you whether you wanted a taste and stuck the stupid Pocky stick into my mouth…you should’ve gotten the message by then…”

“Message?”

“I thought that’s how all those idiotic Pocky challenges were initiated…It’s how those stupid videos all started…”

“Pocky challen- oh!”

Laughter rumbled from Ren’s chest, and despite embarrassing himself all the way down to his toes, Goro was more than just elated to have Ren laughing for real again.

“Oh- oh so that was- oh fuck, I’m so stupid!”

“Definitely. I am inclined to agree.”

“Sorry, sorry.” The barista pushed Goro away from him, letting their gazes meet. He was wearing a fond smile on his lips, and amusement twinkled in his eyes.

“I just- I would have never expected you to try something like that. I mean, I’d have expected myself to do this, but- you? I didn’t think you’d be going so far as to jump over your own distaste of cheesiness just to cheer me up.”

“I definitely hated it. Not doing it again”, Goro muttered, secretly glad his display had somewhat managed to lift the raven’s mood.

“Aw, come on. That wasn’t even a real challenge! You weren’t supposed to crush the Pocky stick like that with your lips!” “You don’t say. Then how is it supposed to be done?”

“Give me a stick and I’ll show you.” There was a challenge sparkling in Ren’s eyes, and Goro would never back down from that. He picked out one of the sticks, pressing it into Ren’s hands.

His boyfriend grinned, and before he stuck the Pocky stick into his mouth, he explained: “You’re just supposed to start munching on the other side of the stick the same time I do – so that when the Pocky stick is gone, our lips meet…in a kiss.”

Goro scoffed, muttering a “This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard”, before Ren stuck the Pocky stick into his mouth and letting it whip up and down in front of Goro’s face.

Urgh. Fine. He did promise to indulge.

As soon as Goro started biting the other end, Ren’s gaze was practically glued onto him. Both of them moved simultaneously, eating away or swallowing the other end of the stick until finally- their lips met in a much softer kiss than before, in where Goro had brutally smashed the stick away.

Goro couldn’t taste the promised aftertaste of chocolate, though. His senses were only able to focus on the soft, pliant lips trying to devour him whole, the feeling of Ren’s skin touching his- soon, he’d forgotten altogether how they had started kissing in the first place, indulging in one single touch much too long.

Then, Ren broke the kiss off with a satisfied smack, both of them panting lightly for air.

“Thanks for the treat”, he joked, though his searing gaze didn’t allow Goro to look anywhere else.

“Mm.”

“What do you say we go a second round? This didn’t satisfy me enough.”

They emptied the entire package, and even then didn’t stop kissing. The movie had ended a long time ago, and neither of them remembered to shut off the TV completely as they kissed in between the sheets.

“Mhmm…Goro, I feel sort of betrayed.”

“Huh? Why?”

“They always said Pocky challenges ended with a chocolatey aftertaste. I didn’t taste anything other than yourself, though. Not that I’m complaining.”

“Well, I didn’t really taste anything else, either.”

“Maybe I should smear some molten chocolate all over you next time.”

“A- all over me?” Goro gulped.

“Mhm. All over your sweet, glorious body, a sight only for me- and as if the taste of you wasn’t enough to send me into an intoxicated state, the chocolate would surely end up robbing me of all sen- mmmpf.” Goro smothered Ren’s words by pressing the cushion against him.

“No, no, no. Something like that would be an- an extreme waste of resources, and it’d surely burn and hurt my skin, and-“

Ren pushed the pillow away, shaking with laughter. “Food play’s not your thing?”

_Honestly, I don’t know._

“Is that really the right question to ask right now? I think we should just- go to sleep already. You’re talking nonsense because I’ve been robbing you of your sleep.”

“I don’t mind staying awake forever if it means I get to see you all the time.”

Goro reached out tentatively, and Ren melted into the touch.

“You’ll get to see me in your dreams, too, I’m sure- you’re stubborn enough to make it happen.”

“Oh, I will definitely attempt to.”

“Then I don’t think you should stay awake for any longer.”

Goro was the one who held out his arms now, silently requesting a hug- they had long fallen into the sheets, facing each other on their sides, so the hug would no doubt be a bit awkward and uncomfortable to keep for the rest of the night.

As Ren nuzzled into the hug, his warm breath hitting Goro’s neck, he decided he didn’t fucking care. He tightened his grip on Ren, almost clawing himself through his clothes as something damp soaked the fabric of his pajamas.

_Tears,_ Goro realized with a startle.

“You won’t lose me, Ren. I won’t let it happen. And…neither do I want to lose you.” Goro knew his words were but a hollow echo of Ren’s own, spoken just a short while ago, and yet the moment felt so far away.

But he knew Ren needed to hear this, even if he himself struggled to copy the words and speak them out loud. Ren _deserved_ it.

“Even if I have to make the world burn for it, I’ll go and win myself a ticket to the future. For both our sake. I owe you as much.”

“You’ve never owed me anything, Goro. And you never will.”

“Oh, but I do. Even if the concept of owing something to someone was something I inherently despised and looked down at even as a child.”

Ren lifted his head, shuffling back slightly- their limbs were still intertwined, their bodies touching almost everywhere.

“Why do you speak of that now, then?”

“Because I want you to demand.”

“Demand what?”

“Demand my future. My affections. I want you…to demand me whole, and know you have the right to it. No, that I…I want you to.”

A delicate finger touched his cheekbone, sliding down.

“I can’t demand that. It’d be taking away your own free will, Goro- that’s the exact thing we’re trying to obtain here. But-“ Goro was about to protest when the same finger pressed against his lips, silencing him.

“But if you want to- when this hellish dream is over and you can finally, finally be your own self, and you still wish for a future- then I swear we’ll build it together. Because I want it as much as you do.”

Ren closed his eyes, tiredness overcoming him. “Because…I love you…and…I…want your…happiness…”

He drifted into the dream world, the finger against Goro’s lips twitching slightly as any remaining power left his body.

“Idiot”, Goro murmured, tears dropping slightly down his own cheeks now. “You’re such an idiot, Ren.”

Even now, Ren was willing to suffer for him- suffer for their shared future. He still did so without demanding anything of Goro- hoping to drive away the way the brunet thought about owing and repaying. Ren’s only wish was for Goro to let those thoughts go, effectively losing another one of his chains.

The detective didn’t know how such a selfless person could exist- and he hated Ren for it sometimes. But it was also the reason he fell for him. So now…Goro’s task was to burn all those shackles away, and make Ren a bit more selfish in the process.

He promised himself he would.

The moon was the only witness to two young men drifting asleep, each one of them relishing in their respective dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I proudly present: The defying of gravity and logic as no bathtowels slip down onto the ground or float around in the water- sorry, Isaac!  
> ALSO I DIED WRITING THE DOMESTICITY IN THIS ENTIRE. FUCKING. SCENE. Sorry you guys won't hear about why exactly Ren's so shaken up, but you will know soon enough! ;)  
> But Goro? Comforting others? Boy. I just need a second to recover, thanks. AND ALSO HE AND FUTABA ARE GROWING CLOSER NHNNHNNNN


	50. The Love and Lover's play marches on; a sweet tune, really

Goro was sure he’d be the first to wake up. Ren wasn’t a morning person after all, and there was no way he’d wake up early after being knocked out by a sleep tea.

Turns out our little detective was wrong in his assumptions. When Goro’s eyes fluttered open, he caught sight of Ren on his phone. He blinked, once, twice- and Ren saw the motion out of the corner of his eyes, putting his phone away in favor of flipping back onto his side and greeting his sleepy boyfriend.

“Morning, beautiful.”

Looks like his insufferable attitude was back again. That was a good sign.

“Morning. How come you’re awake earlier than me?” Sleepily, Goro noticed they must have separated from the hug in their sleep- Goro was still curled up on his side, but Ren was merely holding his hand. Only their feet seemed to be touching otherwise.

“Oh, well- the sleep tea knocked me out for good, but...my bladder woke me up an hour earlier, so yeah. I guess it has a downside after all.” Ren chuckled, pulling Goro closer and throwing an arm around his waist.

“Sleepy-you was really adorable. But I also felt a bit like a creep watching you too long, so I took my phone to distract myself. Turns out we’ve been added to some weird group chat with all your friends.”

Goro groaned. “Fuck, how much did they text?”

“Hmmm…like, three hundred messages?”

“Three hundred?!”

“Yeah, but most of them are unnecessary spam. Don’t worry about it. Come to think of it, this is the first time we’ve woken up at a reasonable time, haven’t we? That I’d come to see the day…Hopefully, life has more good surprises in store for me.”

At the word ‘life’, Ren’s eyes glazed over slightly- but he quickly covered it up by talking on.

Goro wasn’t having it.

“You’ve pulled and pushed my emotions out for so long, it’s only fair I do the same for you now. And like I told you yesterday- don’t hide your fears in front of me. Or do you not trust me enough?”

“No, of course I do, but-“

“Don’t ‘but’ me, then”, Goro replied fiercely, despite the morning grogginess in his bones.

“I’ll sound like an endlessly broken cassette, though.”

“It’s okay. You’re the only one I’d conjure up the patience for.”

“You know I’m scared. And so must you be.”

“I am, but…weren’t you ever the optimist? Saying we’re gonna make it through this? So we will. Simple as that.”

Ren chuckled. “I wish we could leave it at that. Really.”

“Don’t focus on your fears then. Focus on the present. I’m the endlessly broken cassette number two, I guess.”

The two of them shared a laugh.

“Okay”, Ren whispered after a sleepy morning kiss. “Things are going to be fine.”

“Exactly. Now tell me what the hell that message spam was about.”

Apparently, Ren had been asked by Haru and Sumire to go out for a café date that excluded Leblanc. Yusuke would join later, and Haru generously offered to pay for the entire date. Ann had informed him that she and Goro would be out for shopping and would not accept any tag-alongs.

“They were all really persistent.”

Goro sighed. “That’s just how they are, I suppose.” He took a bite of his eggs, sunny side up- generously prepared by his boyfriend, obviously. “Don’t feel obligated to take on the invitation. Though I admit it would…lessen my worries about you.”

It earned him a wry chuckle. “I admit, I didn’t really feel like taking them up- especially because you don’t seem as close to the girls that asked me out, anyway. But well…it shouldn’t hurt to go around and make some friends my age, hm?”

“Oh, certainly not. Now, it is true Haru and Sumire don’t know me well, but…”

Goro crunched his eyebrows. “Well, Sumire is a very friendly girl. Stupid, naïve- that’s for sure. But…not terrible, I suppose. Haru, well- my first opinion of her was absolute disgust, and I wasn’t ever really interested in her. But…”

“The latest glimpse of her personality you got made you curious?”

“Possibly. I’m not sure how I feel about her entirely, but…well, she seems more tolerable than at first glance.”

“She was very polite in asking me out, though. Let me guess: she was really friendly to you, and you shot her off with your meanest attitude?”

Goro grumbled, giving Ren a sufficient answer. That only elicited a laughter, but no chiding- thankfully. Goro didn’t like it when someone criticized him.

“Well, do you mind me going out with them?”

Both of Goro’s eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me? You are your own person, Ren. Who you hang out with or not is none of my business.”

“Aww…no jealousy at all, thinking about the fact two pretty girls will be hanging on my arms the entire day?”

“Well, how do you feel about a model dragging me around all day?”

“Touché, my dear, touché. I like Ann- it doesn’t make me uncomfortable to think you spent some time with her. Though I will dearly miss you, so you better make up for it.”

The detective didn’t feel like letting Ren keep the upper hand in this conversation.

“I will, too.”

With a smug grin, Goro took note of the dark blush spreading on Ren’s face.

“Oh dear, someone’s feeling shy all of a sudden? My, how the tables have turned.”

Ren crossed his arms, muttering something under his breath, before focusing back on his breakfast and desperately trying to make the blush disappear.

“You’d have never gotten this suave if it wasn’t for me, don’t forget.”

“Oh, that’s correct. I am sort of copying you, I suppose. But I would have never thought your own words would work so well on you.”

“Well, I’d never in a million times think you’d ever get to the point where you could say this stuff.”

“Seems I am just as full of surprises as you are.”

“Stop trying to talk back!”

Laughter escaped Goro, and their bickering continued until someone knocked on the door to Leblanc early noon.

“Hey, Akechi! Ready to go?” A cheerful blonde stuck her head inside, a brilliant smile on her crimson red lips.

Ren whistled. “Looking good, Ann. Did you dress up for today?”

The girl drew a pout, entering the café and putting her hands on her hips. “You’re insulting me, right? This is the stuff I wore as a teenager. Like, this coat even has the Shujin emblem on it! I just wanted to blend in with the crowd today, so I definitely _under_ dressed, you idiot.”

“Don’t mind him, Ann, I think he’s just trying to rile me up.” Goro rolled his eyes at the affectionate kiss pressed to his cheek. “Let’s go before he decides he’ll die in loneliness without me.”

“Hey, I got a date, too! I’m not lonely!”

“Are you sure?” Goro turned around to his moping boyfriend, and changed his teasing tone to a softer one. “No, really. You will be fine until they come pick you up or whatever, right?” His hand automatically landed on Ren’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

Ren’s pout drew into a smile. “Don’t worry. I’m not that pathetic. Besides, you’re not leaving forever. When will you be back? Or maybe we could meet up in the city.”

“That’s…not a bad idea. I’ll call you once we’re finished. But don’t dilly-dally around for the mere sake of waiting for my call, you hear me? I bet Haru and Sumire have better things to do than spent the entire day with you, too.”

“We’ll see.”

Goro couldn’t help it, he just had to kiss the smug grin off of Ren’s face.

Releasing himself, he distantly heard Ann cooing in the background. “Well, until later then.”

“Yeah. Wait!”

Just as Ann and him we’re about to leave, Ren whipped Goro around and pressed another kiss to his lips.

“Sorry, I just…felt the urge to do this.”

The detective snorted at his antics, but let it go nevertheless. “It’s fine.”

“Stay safe, okay?”

There it was again: the fear clouding Ren’s mind.

“I will. I promise. I told you yesterday, didn’t I? Besides, I’m only going out for shopping. Can’t have you growing paranoid everytime I leave the house now, can I?”

“That’s true. I’ll work on it.”

“Alright then. We’re off.”

“Have a nice day!”

Goro, in fact, didn’t have a nice day. Well, it’d be wrong to say it was terrible, but he supposed Ryuji wasn’t lying when he said Ann could be a menace when it came to shopping. He was immediately dragged to a high end shop where she literally threw herself into the men’s section and refused to stop picking out outfits until Goro made her realize his budget was limited.

She still made him fit on a nice suit, though, for whatever reason there was, until she finally agreed to take him to more…accommodating shops.

Accomodating to his wallet, that was.

Here, he still had to endure the endless yelping and screaming as Ann made him try various outfits. He was sure he wasn’t even allowed to take that many items into the cabin, but well. None of the shop attendants said anything, so he was completely at Ann’s mercy.

The first outfit he tried on was a little off character, but it still fit him nicely. It was a classical all in black theme- something he could actually imagine better on Ren than himself. Black leather boots with brown laces- the same color as his hair- adorned his feet. He wore fitting black pants, whose material could trick you into thinking they were leather, but were actually the classical jeans texture. It hung loosely, wrinkling almost everywhere, and yet didn’t fail to accentuate Goro’s slim long legs. Ann had given him a red wool pullover with a boat neck, and added a wool scarf in a matching carmine red. To top it off, a leather jacket- that hung broadly over his frame, adding a bit more bulk than necessary.

“Hm. No. It doesn’t look bad, but it doesn’t…” “Fit? I am inclined to agree.” “Good. Then take this next!”

Mercilessly, she shoved him another outfit. “So you told me you need one date outfit, and various casual ones for your everyday needs, right?”

“Correct”, Goro replied from behind the curtain, busy with changing. “I do have a…very limited budget, though.” “Like how much?”

Goro told her the exact amount, and he was aware that it wasn’t very much.

“Hm, okay, that’s problematic because…I’ll honestly only be able to give you one outfit altogether like that. But you are in dire need of your own clothes…So how about this? I could-“

“Please don’t offer to pay for me. I hate being treated to charity.”

Ann winced. “Okay, but you told me you’re growing uncomfortable of sharing Ren’s clothes, right? So this won’t work unless you cooperate a little. I mean, I have a lot of money to spare at the moment, so it wouldn’t put me in any sort of predicament. But if you don’t wanna accept this as a present…uh, how about I loan you the money? Without interest? And once you’re able to, you can just…pay me back?”

That didn’t sound too bad. It still went against Goro’s wishes, but even he knew it was futile to remain too stubborn about this matter. It was his own fault for never bothering to buy proper clothes in…ever, after all. And his suit was limited to be worn for days he went out for university and work.

“Fine”, he mumbled, glad Ann couldn’t see the misery written across his face.

Maybe he’d just have to buy her a present when he was able to pay her back, then. That could work.

Still…being able to rely a little on her- in a pinch, no less…it wasn’t all that bad.

The next outfit was less extravagant than the first. Ripped jeans and a white collar shirt.

“I like the shirt on you, but those jeans don’t fit.” “I wouldn’t ever buy something that was torn from the beginning anyway. What’s the point of this?”

_Ann is never allowed to find out about the ripped jeans I once wore. They’re still with Ren, shit._

Ann giggled. “Fashion!” She thrusted another outfit at him.

When Goro blindly put the next clothes on, he cursed her. “Ann!”

Angrily, he shoved the curtain aside- only to have her gape at him.

“Wow, this was meant as a joke, but damn. That rocks, Akechi. I wasn’t aware you have something similar to abs.” “I am _not_ buying this! And don’t you dare ever give me something like this again!” “Why? It makes you look great!”

The outfit in question featured a short crop top. It was black, but emboldened letters said ‘HOT ASS’. Ann even had the audacity to give him low riding jeans with his one, skin tight.

Goro hadn’t put on the red heels. He wasn’t that dumb.

“Also, you didn’t even put on the golden snapback!”

“I mean, obviously?!”

“Did you know the shirt says ‘bitch’ on the back? It’s great, really. I think it suits you.”

Goro angrily closed the curtain, too triggered by this outfit that somewhat resembled a terrible one he’d worn ages ago. Of course, Ren had kept all of the components of the outfit, not only the jeans- even as Goro begged him to burn it all. Ren only hid the outfit somewhere Goro couldn’t find.

And the snapback, fuck. Nope. Too much of a trigger. Goro was not doing this.

“Hey, you do have a really nice butt, Akec-“

“Shut up and give me something else, or I will end this date this instant.”

“Bummer.” Still, he received a new outfit.

Ah yes. A blue argyle vest with a white shirt underneath, and trousers kept in a tan, light color.

“Boooooring”, Ann said. “But yeah, definitely suits you, so I guess…?” “I’m buying this. It feels- nice, somehow. The quality and texture of the clothes are very nice, too.”

“Uh-huh. Well, if you’re going to end up buying some boring clothes, might as well move on!”

Goro went through an array of hoodies, sweaters, shirts, jeans, trousers, shoes…his head was spinning by the time they finished up.

But Ann wasn’t stopping, oh no. She still had more plans.

In another shop they found a really nice Pea Coat that Goro immediately fell in love with. Ann admitted it was better than his boring argyle outfit, at least.

They went through yet another brand shop, and another, and another until Goro actually found enough pieces he liked to put together as a date outfit.

Ann was delighted it ended up in such light colors. “Yes, this looks great! I gotta say, I was afraid you’d end up with a really boorish outfit- don’t glare, Akechi!- but this is nice. It fits you.”

The outfit in question begun with a white-and-baby blue striped collar shirt. It fit tightly on Goro, accentuating his lean figure. Atop of it he wore a simple waistcoat in a teal blue, though he left it unbuttoned on Ann’s advice.

Usually, he wasn’t a fan of slimfit jeans- grey, no less- but at least this one wasn’t ripped in the slightest and matched nicely to the shades of blue and white. Simple, blue-and-white colored suede trainers made Goro feel like he could walk around in them for a long time. His favorite item of the outfit was the Pea Coat in its navy blue color.

“I’m a fan, too. I like that it’s classy and yet casual.”

_And I think Ren will like it._

“Yeah, so you don’t look overdressed, but also not underdressed!”

Ann informed him that she was famishing, and that she really wanted to go and eat something at the café next to the shop they were currently in.

“Oh, wait, before we go-“

Out of nowhere, she begun disheveling Goro’s hair- so much it resembled Ren’s nest of hair more than his own- and planted some fake glasses on his nose.

“You’re still a celebrity, so this might be kiiiinda late since we’ve been spotted in a lot of shops, anyway- but it looks more like a date if we go and enjoy some food. So you better hide like this- less trouble for all of us! And don’t worry, this isn’t Akira’s-I bought this on a whim the other day.”

Goro snorted, and for once, didn’t have a good rebuttal.

After witnessing the astonishing amount of sweets Ann gulped down, Goro wondered if she was still up to running around and buying more stuff- this time, for herself. She denied.

“But, man, this really reminds me of my high school days”, she reminisced, a glossy look in her eyes. “Back then, I dragged Shiho around everywhere, buying clothes or just going for window shopping. Poor Ryuji always had to come along- I bet that’s why he hates going shopping now!” She laughed, no doubt remembering some funny incident.

“Did he really accompany you that often?”

The blonde nodded. “Yeah, see…Shiho was a bit…scared of merely wandering around with another girl, and not a larger group per se. I know this doesn’t sound like him at all, but Ryuji was also the one who made sure we were dropped off at our doorstep- Shiho first, then me- and only then would he return home, though he lived in a totally different direction. He was quite the gentleman.”

“Hm. Interesting. I didn’t think he’d be the type to do that.”

“Oh, well, he’s always been considerate like that. Says it was because of the bad experience he had with his Dad- he couldn’t be sure what sort of men were running around outside, and he’d feel more than just bad if he left us alone. So that’s how he ended up accompanying us every single time- at the beginning, he wasn’t even that insistent, but…well, after that incident…”

“Incident?”

Ann faltered.

“My apologies. I don’t mean to pry-“

“No, no, actually, I’ve always wanted to tell you. I never found the proper opportunity, though…”

Ann had a sad look on her face as she begun talking.

“So…me and Ryuji knew each other back in middle school, but we weren’t that close. When we entered Shujin together, we grew closer. That’s also when I got to know Shiho. We were sort of inseparable at some point- though back then, Ryuji didn’t always end up tagging along on every after school activity me and Shiho indulged ourselves in.”

Goro remained quiet, but nodded as a signal that he was listening.

“Well…have you heard a lot of Shujin, actually? Except the Kaneshiro thing?”

“No, I’m afraid not. I wasn’t exactly…interested in a lot of things back then, you must know.”

“I mean, makes sense. Truthfully, the school itself wasn’t bad, either. The teachers ranged from extremely-motivated to ‘I don’t give a shit whether you can graduate or not’ but it was pretty balanced out. But…there was this one person…”

Ann’s face contorted with rage. “He was a teacher- changed to our school just a while after we entered- and at first glance, he passed by as normal as any other. He led the volleyball club, and Shiho soon grew interested in it- that’s when it all went down to shits.”

“What happened?”

Ann sighed. “This teacher- Kamoshida was his name- he was sort of a leech. Like, he kept making lewd comments every here and there, but they were so underhanded, no one could actually report him. He was popular with the principal and his coworkers, too, so they didn’t take the student’s complaints too seriously.”

Goro clenched his hand into a fist. This did not sound good.

“But that wasn’t even the worst of it. Somehow, a lot of people in the volleyball club ended up- injured from practice. They always laughed it off and said it was an unfortunate accident, but…It was weird. Sometimes, it was this one boy who kept getting injured for days, while all the others remained safe. Other times, the entire volleyball team was injured, safe for one person. It was odd, really, and no matter how much I implored Shiho to stop once I realized that…she only smiled and said she had a lot of fun.”

Ann shrunk into her seat.

“I was so stupid for not realizing the truth, actually. How much do you know about Kaneshiro again?”

“Only what you also said before. That he was blackmailing students and all that.”

“Well, guess what? Kamoshida was his aide.”

Goro’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Yeah, look, it was like this…Usually, Kaneshiro was able to trap students of the school himself- but obviously that didn’t explain how well he was able to keep them under control. Kamoshida was the one who…sometimes recruited students with ‘extraordinary talent’ into the volleyball club- and punished them if he thought they were hoping to escape Kaneshiro. He also gathered intel on the students- more blackmail material, you see. I don’t even know what the bastard got in return- this whole thing was kept secret.”

“How on _earth_ do you know all this?”

Ann smiled wryly. “Shiho’s a smart girl, Akechi. Too smart for her own good. She obviously thought there was something fishy going on, but Kamoshida was a good actor. She didn’t realize he had already targeted her by the time she realized what was going on- he took pictures of her changing in the dressing room and threatened to spread them all over the school by claiming someone caught her sleeping with him if she didn’t keep her mouth shut. _That_ would cause a scandal for sure.”

Bile rose in Goro’s throat. “But wouldn’t it backfire on him if he spread stuff like that? Surely, as an authority figure-“

Ann shook her head. “There were some people who thought exactly that, Akechi. Either the principal saw no guilt with Kamoshida- the poor, seduced, trapped teacher- or the...Yakuza got to the student before it could get that far. Who knows, maybe Kamoshida was secretly controlling the principal with his ties to the Yakuza as well? However the situation ended, it was usually never on the student’s side- sometimes, they would drop out and never be seen again, and other times, if you knew the name of the person and they were lucky enough to survive- they definitely weren’t able to live a normal life anymore. Graduating, or receiving higher education? Impossible.”

A shiver ran down Goro’s spine.

“Shiho lived in fear from that moment on. She felt like she was being watched all the time- and she was. That was why Ryuji and I never let her go out alone anymore. She started losing her smile, her excitement…both me and Ryuji started investigating on our own, but we couldn’t- we couldn’t find any incriminating evidence of the bastard. He was good at hiding his relations- but everyone knew at some point that he had ties to the Yakuza, and that you shouldn’t cross him or affiliate with him if you…wanted to live. It got so bad…Shiho grew suicidal, because she was hoping-“ Ann sobbed, “She hoped the pain and fear would at least disappear that way.”

Goro remained quiet as Ann wiped a few tears away, sobbing silently.

Then her face contorted into rage. “The fucking bastard- the entire school’s atmosphere changed, day by day, and we were unable to do anything as we were under his and Kaneshiro’s mercy. The police wasn’t even on the case at that point, and if someone dared to suggest to call them, they disappeared. Me and Ryuji despaired- we didn’t know what to do. I wanted to let Kamoshida suffer- to have him beg for forgiveness on his knees, but-“

“…But?”

Ann huffed, tears shimmering in the corner of her eyes. “Well, for good or for worse- before we could figure any sort of plan out, Kamoshida died.”

“What?”

“Run over by a truck or something. Honestly, I think he and Kaneshiro had some sort of dispute and he was killed in the process. That’s when Shiho collapsed and told us everything- about how he threatened her, saw her every step, made lewd suggestions and- and told her he could rape her and she wouldn’t be able to do _anything._ How he started touching her suggestively at training and- argh! I was so mad, Akechi! I hated the bastard for making her suffer like that- and while I was glad he couldn’t pressure her any longer, she never got justice. All the pain and trauma- and he just ended up conveniently dying? Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Ann was seething. “This is why- your case-“

“Huh?”

“About you. Like…you know.” Ann gestured wildly, and Goro understood what she meant.

“Oh, what- what about it?”

Her voice fell into a whisper.

“I will _never_ allow any criminal to conveniently die and escape his crimes and punishment again. I know at some point you might have thought it’d be easier to kill that person- but honestly? They won’t suffer like that. They won’t even beg for forgiveness- or get close to madness, the same madness they drove into people. They won’t live under fear- so- no. No one gets to die a merciful death anymore. Never again.”

Goro had never expected such crass words and this- undeniable thirst for revenge from Ann, but maybe this was why he had secretly always been able to trust her the most. Because in a way, both of them had an insatiable desire for revenge and never got to quench it. It made them similar.

“I’m sorry about this, Ann. I never thought the Kaneshiro case was- this extreme. The police was incompetent back then- still is, apparently, but it will never make up for the age of fear and helplessness you had to suffer under.”

_Not to mention the fact that even if the police got to him, Kaneshiro still had Shido on his side._

Ann heard his unspoken words, and her rage-contorted face softened. “No, this isn’t on you, Akechi. You have nothing to apologize for- in fact, I think…in a way, you and Shiho were similar. I guess this is why I couldn’t ever be really angry at you for long. Especially not when you lost your shit over icecream that one day. I’ve seen the way someone can break…so I admire you for making it this far, and never giving up in the process.”

She took his hand and clasped it. “I’m glad we know each other now. And we’ll do our best to make many more happy memories together, right? Aside from finally, finally bringing some justice to the world.”

A small smile appeared on Goro’s face. “Yes. Me too.”

“Great!”

“I hope…Shiho recovered well from all that. This must have been torment on her soft soul, after all.”

Ann sighed. “It was. And sadly, her story didn’t even end there.”

“What? Please don’t tell me-“

“Oh- no no no. Not like that.” Ann shook her head. “Look, so after all of this was finally over, and Shujin Academy was back to semi-normal again- if you left Kaneshiro’s influence on some students out- Shiho didn’t think she could continue learning there anymore. She grew a bit paranoid.”

“No wonder.”

“Yeah, but…well, life apparently hates her, because on the first day she changed schools, she was cornered by a fucking bastard who tried raping her- which caused her to quiiiickly drop the idea of ever wanting to visit a school again. She never explained any details to me from the second incident back then- but well, I wasn’t eager to prod at her trauma, either.” Another sigh escaped the girl.

“She went through a long, good therapy- and then did homeschooling for a while. Only when we were close to graduating did she finally get the courage to visit school again- funnily, her best option was Shujin. Since me and Ryuji were still there, she found it less terrifying than before, but man, were we glad to finally leave that shit behind us for real. Shiho took a long break afterwards again, so she didn’t start university until Akira entered Themis. So…now you know.”

Ann took a last sip from her drink, releasing Goro’s hand.

“How come…you and Ryuji didn’t end up dropping or changing schools, if I may ask?”

Ann laughed. “Well, I was too much of a rebel, actually. I didn’t want even the dead Kamoshida to think he’d best me into leaving the school, as terrifying as his influence had grown. Ryuji- I’m not sure. Maybe he was scared something could happen to me if he left- we never really talked about it, actually. We, uh…I think we were both just trying to sort through our feelings, and suddenly, graduation knocked at our doorstep. Crazy, huh?”

Crazy indeed. Life wasn’t easy on most of Goro’s friends, somehow.

“I suppose it’s my turn to thank you for sharing, Ann.”

“Oh gosh, don’t start that! You’re being ridiculous!” She laughed.

“Promise me one thing: promise me we’ll make it through this together. That’s all I want!”

That’s all Goro wanted, too.

By the time they finished the third round of desert Ann ordered, Goro felt the exhaustion catch up with him. “Ren actually wanted me to call him if we’re done. Not to sound like a self-centered prick, but…as successful as our trip was, I feel quite exhausted.”

“Don’t worry, I feel the same. It was worth skipping university for this.”

Goro’s eyebrows rose. “I hope you don’t make it a habit to skip lessons.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry- I’d just have ended up texting you the entire time, anyway. Those lessons aren’t even obligatory.”

That eased Goro’s mind a little. “Well, if you say so. Let me call Ren, then. I’m guessing-“

“Yeah, Morgana’s picking me up.” Ann laughed.

Ren had apparently already returned home. “The thing was, Haru and Sumire both had to leave after two hours, and it was kind of boring to stroll around on my own. Yusuke was struck by inspiration and had to cancel.”

Goro chewed on his lip. “That’s…you’ve been alone for a few hours, then?”

“No, don’t worry. Futaba and Sojiro were in Leblanc, and Sojiro used the opportunity to make me clean the entire kitchen area. I’m exhausted- he worked me like some sort of dog- but at least it kept my mind from derailing to bad places.”

“That’s good. I’ll make my way back, then, too.”

“…On your own?”

“Uh-“

“Hey, I don’t think Morgana cares if he has to drive you home, too, Akechi- so why don’t you let him drive us both back? It’ll be easier than to carry four huge bags on your own, anyway. And lessens the chance of you getting robbed.”

“But that could cause trouble-“

“Naaaah, don’t worry. Morgana won’t mind, really!”

“If Morgana doesn’t mind, then take him up on the offer. You might be back faster here, too.” Ren’s voice was like honey to Goro’s ears.

With a sigh, Goro relented. Morgana showed up a few minutes later, and offered to take Goro with him before he was even able to ask.

Soon, Goro entered the ever familiar place he’d still had trouble calling ‘home’- because he still hadn’t grown used to the concept in its whole. Sojiro was brewing coffee behind the counter, while Futaba was playing on her console, briefly greeting him before yelling at the device in her hands. Ren had collapsed, boneless, into one of the booths, barely able to get himself up as his boyfriend greeted him amusedly.

“So…he really did work you to the bones, huh?”

“Sojiro can be a nasty villain if he wants to.”

“Hey, I was as hard as you as any other day. Not my fault you grew out of shape.”

“Good thing I have a pretty boyfriend who wants to take care of me, right?” Ren’s voice was hopeful.

“This boyfriend doesn’t want to take care of a lazy bum. So get up and move, Ren. It’s not even late evening yet.”

Grumbling, Ren wiggled himself up- under the watchful eye of three people in the room.

“Are you gonna make out now?”

“Futaba!” both Sojiro and Goro exclaimed at the same time.

“What? It was a legitimate question.” Pouting, the girl turned her attention back to her gaming device, and everyone hoped her attention would stay there.

“Boss, am I off the clock now? Can I leave?”

“You won’t be able to wiggle yourself out of closing and cleaning up”, the older man sighed. With a look at the four shopping bags in Goro’s hands, he smiled.

“But you probably should move and help your…boyfriend with his shopping trip.”

Ren beamed, giggling as he grabbed Goro’s hand and pulled him upstairs. Even Sojiro saw the slight tinge on his cheeks before that, though.

Upstairs, Ren immediately wanted Goro to show him all his new clothes, and the brunet complied. He only denied letting Ren see one particular bag.

“That’s…my date outfit. You’re supposed to be surprised by that.”

Ren ‘oooh’d and moved the bag away. “I like surprises. Your surprises only, though. Life itself didn’t ever surprise me in a good way”, he mused, stealing a curious glance towards the black shopping bag.

“When is our date?”

Goro froze. Right. He hadn’t even…asked for a specific time or day yet, the idiot. Because he’d been too overexcited.

Ashamed, he hid his blushing face in his hands.

“You only need to ask, and I’ll be good to go. I’ve already agreed to a date in itself, remember?”

_Insufferable human being._

“Tomorrow?” Goro asked, hoping he didn’t sound as desperate as he knew he was.

Ren grinned his Cheshire like smile. “Lucky you~ I’m off tomorrow.”

“Well, glad we got the logistic part out of the way, then”, Goro mumbled.

They were sitting on the couch, but Ren quickly pulled him up, dragging him over to the bed and letting themselves fall onto it with a loud creak.

“Hey! Be careful! The bed could break!” Goro broke out into a light panic, only to hear jingling laughter.

“Noooo. This bed is sturdier than you think. I’m somewhat sad I won’t see you running around in my clothes anymore, though.”

With Ren lying atop of him, Goro was having a hard time to breathe- and was also _very_ concerned his libido would catch up with the situation and begin to do stupid things. Pushing lightly against his boyfriend, he lolled Ren onto the side, though his gaze never left Goro’s face.

Sap.

Also, what was the other term again? Simp.

“It’s not like I’ll stop wearing your clothes forever. I just really…needed my own stash. This shouldn’t have gone on for so long, anyway.”

“Oh, I strongly disagree. I really think it was an adorable sight to see you running around in my stuff.”

“It’s only gonna lose its specialness if I keep doing it too often…” Goro mumbled, hoping to muffle his thoughts with the cushion.

He wasn’t lucky enough, though. The smile on Ren’s face only grew wider as he threw an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, with Goro’s hand landing on Ren’s chest.

Specifically, his heartbeat.

It puckered wildly, like a mad rabbit hunt was taking place, Goro the hunter, Ren the prey. The detective’s hand formed into a fist, feeling oddly possessive about the wild heartbeat.

“It won’t. No matter what you do, you’ll always end up driving me mad.”

“Well, by that argument, nothing I do would ever be special or different, either, correct? That…sucks.”

“Nooo! Don’t twist my words, Goro!”

“I’m not.”

“You are!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“Urgh, no, stop acting like a child!”

“Never.”

Goro decided the best way to shut Ren up- awfully similar to his brother- was to kiss his stupid mouth. He sighed involuntarily as Ren’s lips fought for dominance, not wanting to back down, and yet seduced into doing very much so.

When they finally parted, Ren’s cheeks were flushed for a different reason than embarrassment. At least Goro hoped they were tinted because of arousal.

“Oh, I forgot…how was your meeting with the girls, anyway? I didn’t ask.”

Ren opened his mouth to reply, yet Goro was way too fascinated than to move his hand away from stroking those plush lips. Pliant, and yet demanding. Soft, but also rough; Rosy red in normal times, but turning a shade darker when-

“Mhm, Goro, I’d love to reply, honey, but your hands- your finger is distracting me.”

“Ah, pardon me.” Yet he didn’t stop stroking.

Quickly, a hand snatched his wrist, and soft kisses were placed onto each of his fingertips.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You just have to decide if you want to listen to me and let me talk or…indulge in your teddy bear privileges.”

Goro scowled. “You are not my teddy bear or- something like a replacement of some sorts.”

“No?”

“No! I forbid you to think like that.”

“So…you like touching me because you like me?”

The brunet rolled his eyes. “If it took you so long to realize that, I fear to hear why you think I’m dating you. Why on earth did I ever think you could study law? Obviously, you’re way too dumb for that.”

“Hey, not true!”

“Really? Prove it, then. Answer my question.”

“Well, meeting the girls- was really nice. It was a bit awkward at first- mhmmm, Goro, ears are sensitive- with the whole ‘Let’s reintroduce ourse- Goro, neck? Really? Unfair…Mmmmhmmm…”

Somehow, it was more fun teasing and eliciting those delicious sounds out of Ren when he was actively trying to talk. Goro instinctively remembered what Ann texted him about erogenous zones of the body once, and while he couldn’t access many of them if he limited himself on the area around Ren’s face and neck-

Well, he’d try and explore the other parts when they weren’t busy with…cuddling, he supposed.

Or an impromptu make-out sessiom.

He pressed soft, unfair kisses on Ren’s neck, hearing him mumble something like “Oh, just wait for payback time, Goro”, was grateful for the fact that Ren’s brain was probably too busy processing all those signals firing from his neurons to his reward center, as well as trying to form words at the same time- moving his pretty mind far, far away from fear and danger and death.

A hand lost its way into his hair- or maybe it was on purpose, Goro didn’t particularly care- and Ren tugged lightly whenever Goro got particularly bold, licking the C-shape of the ear, or tugging on his earlobe, or pinching the skin on Ren’s neck with nothing but his teeth- while the raven struggled to keep talking on.

And all the while, Goro felt both of their arousal stirring under him.

“…Haru told me she had a really disgusting fiancée…that she wanted to get rid of…Fuck, Goro, no!”

Abruptly, just as Goro was busy trying to figure out the technique of leaving a love mark behind, Ren pushed him away rather fiercely. His face was tinted in a pretty red, and his breathing was a bit more erratic than usual-

“Fucking Futaba and Sojiro are downstairs, and if they hear me moaning- because fuck, either you’re a quick learner or you googled some nasty shit- I’ll never hear the end of it. Okay? Please. I enjoyed it, I liked your teasing, I just…I can’t let my family hear, oh brother. This attic doesn’t even have a door. And if I have to run downstairs to use the toilet on my own, Sojiro would conlcude _something_ had definitely taken place when he sees my face.”

The excitement stirring in Goro’s lower abdomen died abruptly. Right. Fuck. He’d accidentally let his needy hormones take over his rational mind and forgotten where- and with who- they were.

Great.

With a sigh, Goro slapped a hand over his eyes. “I’m an idiot. I forgot.”

“Oh, you’re not an idiot. You’re actually way too sexy- and way too skilled- for your own good. A real menace, my libido would say. Fuck, what you just did- that’s good material for years, seriously.”

_Good. Don’t thing I’d let you off that easily._

Goro let himself fall down onto Ren with a soft thud. “Your libido is hopefully not the only thing speaking to you.”

“No, but I’m afraid my brain shuts its higher brain functions off whenever…”

Goro nudged his chin upwards, enabling him to look at Ren’s face.

The sight was glorious.

“No need to say it out loud. Funny you’re able to be stirred up this easily when back when we first met, not even my naked body could seduce you.”

Ren groaned at the memory. “You were- waaaaay too desperate and awkward and…that wasn’t sexy, Goro. That was sad. If I had to grade your performance I’d give you a failing grade, because the memory makes me cringe.”

A sweet smile appeared on the brunet’s lips.

“How come you’re so unaffected by the memory? You were the one making a fool out of yourself, babe.”

“Oh, the answer to that is easy. Because now all I need to do is a simple-“

Goro craned his head towards Ren’s ear, the one he had been so busy playing with earlier. He moved as close as he could, whispering a breathy, needy ‘Ren’-

-and got a full body twitch in return.

“This, and you’re incapable of resisting me.”

Goro moved back to where he had propped up his chin on Ren’s chest, amused to see the blush darken, the defiant look remaining.

“Funny to think how I thought you were unmovable as stone, incapable of losing your cool. You’re clearly just as awkward and easily roused as I am.”

Ren hissed in return. “Oh you are _definitely_ paying for this when…”

“When?” For the first time in his life, Goro felt like the sickly sweet smile of the Detective Prince was actually of good use for other purposes, too.

“Just wait”, Ren growled, and it earned him a chuckle.

“Alright, I’ll stop. Now tell me how your meet-up went before your sister barges in and ruins our…I believe it’s called ‘snuggle time’?”

“Close enough”, Ren sighed, stroking through Goro’s hair. “More like cuddle time, though you were _definitely_ not trying to cuddle, Goro.”

“No?”

“Don’t act all innocent on me, you sneaky cat.”

“I’m not a cat.”

“You share a lot of similarities, though. I should buy you some cat ears.”

“If you do that, I’ll throw you and the ears out of the window.”

“My body won’t even fit through there.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Ren laughed. “Alright, it’s strictly cuddle time now, okay? Keep it G rated, because my sister is downstairs, and no matter how many Yaois or Doujinshis she’s read, she’s noooot prepared to see the real thing. Not to mention my foster father would kill me. Even if he’s the one who granted you the privilege of fucking here.”

“Fine.” Goro looped his arms loosely around Ren’s waist, letting his cheek fall onto Ren’s chest instead of remaining propped up. Ren continued playing with his hair.

“Alright, so let’s start at the beginning…”

Goro listened on as Ren begun to talk about his rather boring meet-up. Well, to Goro’s ears it was boring, at least. Ren himself often repeated how much he liked discussing business strategies or sportsmanship, and how throughouly entertained he’d been.

_Not as entertaining as me, though,_ Goro thought mischieviously, remembering the way Ren’s body reacted to a mere call of his name.

Though it was tempting to just take a nap right then and there, it was still a little bit early. The detective therefore urged the barista to keep talking about different things, like the new stack of old books in the corner of the room. Ren had made a good bargain when he went to Jinbocho on his way back, apparently.

Quicker than Goro could have imagined, time passed by. After checking Leblanc and preparing for bed, both of them quickly fell asleep.

Tomorrow was a day to look forward to, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you get warm, fuzzy feelings? Ann and Goro's shopping date was so much fun to write!  
> And while Goro always says "You're your own person, Ren" that doesn't change the fact that he's still a bit of a possessive lil shit and claims all of Ren to himself. Jealousy gone? Never.  
> And the way Ren had to stop him was hilarious.  
> I know this fic's been an angst train and is gradually melting into soft mushy fluff, but I mean...DON'T WE DESERVE IT AFTER ALL THIS SHIT. WE DO, RIGHT?!  
> And next up is the thing I'm looking forward to THE FUCKING MOST. Seriously.  
> See you next time! And don't forget to share your thoughts ;D


	51. No More What If's, the Fool sung, nursing and loving the Moon back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* Daaaaateeeee time!!!!  
> And as you may guess: FEATURING MY MOST FAVORITE OST AAAAAAH

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Goro rolled his eyes. “Do you ever run out of your cheesy morning greetings?”

Ren laughed. “For you? Never. Also, we have a date today, so I wasn’t even that mad about being woken by my bladder again. I’m looking forward to how you want to entertain me. Hopefully you’ll live up to my expectations.”

“I half expected you to say something like ‘I doubt I will be bored with you by my side’ or something similar.”

Ren grinned. “But you like a challenge, don’t you? Saying that would no doubt lessen your competitive spirit.”

Goro huffed. “I can’t believe you.”

“So you accept the challenge?”

“Well, I definitely won’t back down.”

Ren kissed the palm of his hand. “Great. It’s on, then.”

Now it was the brunet’s turn to smile. “Indeed.”

Ren was still in charge of preparing breakfast in fear of Goro burning down Leblanc. They made idle conversations about this and that, surprised when Akira and Ryuji dropped by.

“Classes are out for today because some genius triggered the fire alarm before a fire _actually_ broke out. I have no idea how or what happened, but yeah. That’s why we thought we could grab some good coffee on the way- on the house, Ren?”

Ren rolled his eyes. “You’re paying. This is punishment for refusing financial support from me in. You dug your own hole, Akira.”

Concerned, Goro turned to Ryuji. “How and…where did the fire break out? I’ve never heard something like this happening before.”

“Oh, don’t worry dude. Apparently it was some rascal who was smoking on university ground and somehow didn’t put the lint out. It wasn’t even a big fire, just a small one in a lab that the firemen were able to put out quickly without anyone getting injured.”

“But smoking’s prohibited there.”

Ryuji shrugged. “People break the rules all the time. I don’t think it was anything serious, though obviously the media’s trying to blow the whole thing outta the picture. Anyway, everyone got out safely, so don’t worry. Ann said we shouldn’t disturb you today- why’s that? How about we all hit the game center together? Uh, or how about we go bouldering?”

Goro threw a quick glance towards Ren- who apparently did the same, because as their eyes met, the raven begun to smile.

“Sorry, uh…Ryuji, right? Goro and I have a date today. I’m monopolizing him for right after I shoo you guys outta here.”

“Ohhh. Okay. Well, don’t forget you promised to go bouldering with me, Akechi!”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure something can be arranged this week.”

“I’ll tag along!” Akira chimed in, earning him a glare from his brother. “Chill”, he laughed, “I meant tagging along to bouldering, not your awfully private date. Where are you guys going?”

“That’s…a secret for now. I’d like to keep it that way”, Goro quietly added.

“Stop being so nosy, Akira! This is priiiiivate. Private, okay? Now, here’s your coffee- hurry and pay now before I throw you out.”

His brother only grinned in response. “Don’t be too wild, Ren. Goro’s a delicate thing”, he hummed, fishing for his wallet. “Don’t overwhelm him with your flirting unless you want him to faint.”

Hissing, Ren took the required amount of money out of Akira’s hands. “Stop talking about him like that!”

“Aw, you get jealous soooo easily. It’s- so- cute!” He pinched Ren’s cheek, causing his brother to growl while he himself only collapsed into laughter.

Ryuji and Goro rolled their eyes. “Akira’s a little shit sometimes, but it really is easy to push Ren’s buttons, huh? All Akira has to do is mention your name and-“

“Yes, Ren will fall right into the trap. It’s annoying, but…it’s also sort of endearing, in a way. Back to the main topic, though…Would you keep your eyes and ears out for more details on this fire? It concerns me.”

The blonde frowned. “Huh. Well, I can certainly try to, but I doubt there’s much more to it than this. Uh, is Ren about to-“ “Claw Akira’s face? I believe so. Maybe you should drag him out, this is getting out of hand.”

Ryuji didn’t need to be told twice, darting towards his friend and dragging him out of the café while Akira continued yelling something Goro didn’t understand.

When the door closed, Ren was moping.

“You look ridiculous like that.”

“So?” Defensively, Ren crossed his arms.

“Well, you should stop weighing so much of your brother’s words when it comes to me. I told you I was actually using him for my own selfish purposes in the past, too, so whatever he may say-“

“That doesn’t change the fact that you lived with him for the entirety of three months and I didn’t.” Ren’s face fell into a pout. “I know it’s stupid to be jealous- my brain understands, but-“

“Your dick doesn’t?”

“Goro!” Ren spluttered, face growing red, only to realize the brunet was laughing.

“Idiot. Well, I should probably go and change so we can go on our date soon, right?”

Immediately, Ren’s expression changed to one of anticipation. He bit his lip eagerly- _Don’t do that, stop_ \- and his eyes glinted.

“Finally I can see your date outfit- the one you specifically bought- for me?”

“Exactly. Now stop acting and moping like a child before I think twice and take Ryuji up on his offer.” “Will you give me a kiss, though? Pretty please?”

Goro really didn’t understand why Ren had him wrapped around his finger so easily, but well. No harm done.

“I’ll call Sojiro to come while you change. I still have to change in _my_ date outfit, too. I just know you won’t be able to take your eyes off of me.”

Goro raised an eyebrow. “I know your entire closet by now. Do you really think I’ll be surprised?”

“Ha! I ordered these clothes a few days ago and had them delivered to Tae’s clinic, though. So you’ve never seen them.”

“You are aware that raises the chance of the clothes not fitting you?”

“Life needs a little gamble sometimes, a pretty boy once told me. I secretly picked them up from her yesterday and hid them somewhere you wouldn’t stumble upon. That’s also why I bought the books- I knew you’d get distracted by the tower.”

“Urgh.” Goro disappeared upstairs without another word, accompanied by a melodious chuckle.

_Why is your voice music to my ears?_

Quickly, Goro changed, and tried not to let his own excitement about the day slip- he shouldn’t fuel his lover’s ego, after all.

He heard voices when he came down, impressed at Sojiro’s speed. Ren and the older man were discussing something, when Ren heard Goro descend the last step of the stairs and whipped his head around.

As the brunet moved closer, Ren’s gaze travelled up and down, and a smug grin told him all he needed to know.

“I’d run over and kiss your handsome self, but I know Sojiro doesn’t appreciate that, so…Bummer. Fuck, you’re handsome. What did I ever do to deserve you?”

The detective chuckled, falling into one of the booths. “I apologize, Sir. I don’t provoke him into confessing to these kind of primal instincts of his in front of you, but I suppose he just doesn’t want to control himself.”

The older man grumbled, lightly kicking Ren away from the counter and towards the stairs. “I know he’s a little shit, he does that on purpose. But so are you- don’t think I don’t know you actually provoke him into saying these things. And don’t ever call me Sir again- it makes me shudder. Sojiro is fine, Akechi. Now-“

Sojiro fixed Ren, who still had a goofy grin on his face, his eyes transfixed on Goro. “Go and change before I kick you out, Ren. It’s common knowledge that keeping your date waiting for you is considered rude. Had Futaba not told me, I’d have taken much longer to get ready, idiot.”

So that was how the owner had come by so quickly. Goro’s heart inadvertently warmed at being allowed to call Sojiro by his first name, and to hear him care about…date etiquette. He hadn’t expected the older man to know anything about dating, as cruel as it sounded.

“I was a real womanizer in my youth”, Sojiro spoke without being prompted, throwing Goro out of his train of thought. “Age has long passed, but boy was I wild. Seeing you guys all excited for your first date makes me remember stuff. Heh. Don’t overdo it and stay safe out there, okay? Return home at some point, and give me or Futaba a call so we know about your whereabouts sometime. You’re the more responsible one here, so I’ll tell you, not Ren. Can you do that?”

A lump was stuck in Goro’s throat. “I…I’ll certainly try to.”

“Good.”

“I’m ready!”

Ren nearly flung down the stairs, with Goro and Sojiro both afraid he’d hit his head if he didn’t slow down- though the exciting smile on his face melted both of their hearts.

“How do you like me?”

Goro could feel an invisible tail flopping up and down, as if Ren was some sort of puppy waiting for his treat- or a compliment.

In a way, it was exactly what Goro had expected. It was an outfit set in rather dark colors- namely, black, black, and more black. Only his Military sweater with a high collar was kept in a dark blue. Ren wore a biker jacket above it, wearing straight black jeans that fell a little _too_ nicely, alongside with plain-toe boots.

“Not bad”, the brunet mused, not wanting to show Ren how much he really liked the outfit.

“Oh, you’ll like it even more when I do- this!” Ren pulled his biker jacket further apart-

Oh.

“Are you…” Goro felt his mouth go dry all of a sudden. “Are those… _suspenders_ attached to your jeans? You’re wearing suspenders? Really?”

“Sexy, right?”

_No, stupid. Absolutely ridiculous. Old men style- how does he pull it off, though?_

“Ren, not here. No stripping in Leblanc- argh, just get out already!”

Sojiro was blushing as he grabbed Ren and dragged him towards the door- and Goro followed in haste as the older man threw him a questioning glance.

Outside, Ren threw him a sheepish smile. “Sucks we can’t hold hands right now- I don’t wanna attract your fans- or worse, reporters with curious questions. Buuuut…hopefully we’ll be able to do something to make up for the lack of contact.”

The two of them begun to walk side by side- close enough to pass as lovers if you knew, but disregarded as friends if seen from a distant point of view.

“I do have a hair band, contact lenses and fake glasses with me. Worst comes to worst, I’ll be able to hide my identity.”

“Oh, why didn’t you-“

“Because I don’t wish to hide when I’m with you. And also because it ruins the outfit.”

When Ren remained quiet, Goro threw him a curious glance. He’d buried his face in the palm of his hands, mumbling something.

“You can’t just say unfair things like that, Goro. It kills me.”

_Funny how we keep repeating each other._

“Unfair?”

Ren pried his hands off his face, giving way to the glorious sight of a teary eyed raven.

“Romantically unfair.”

Goro only laughed, accelerating his speed. “Hey, don’t leave me behind!”

“You’d best catch up, then.”

“Tease. Why are you such a tease? Why must you copy me?”

“Because apparently I’m your big weak spot, Ren. I’ll prod and poke so long as I desire-“ Goro had to hold back the urge to run his finger alongside Ren’s jawline and pull him into a kiss in the subway station.

“And I know you won’t put up a fight.”

“Am I some sort of toy to you?” Ren grumbled.

A mischievous grin appeared on Goro’s face. “Maybe. Convince me you’re worth more and I’ll reconsider my behavior.”

“Maybe I like your behavior, though…”

“Oh, I know you do.”

“Stop being so cocky!” Laughter spilled forth of Ren’s lips as they waited for the train.

“Where are we going, anyway? Drop some hints.”

“Hm…have you ever been to Kichijoji?” “Ah, Haru talked about it yesterday. She said it features a wide variety of food stalls.”

Goro nodded. “Indeed. It’s something like a commercial area, as it features quite a lot of variety from discount to high end shops, and I do enjoy strolling around there.”

“Hm…are you taking me out for food, then?”

“No, that’d be too cliché. Besides, I doubt any of the food we eat outside-“ Goro halted.

“Yeah?” Ren tilted his head curiously, unaware of what was just about to slip from Goro’s tongue.

_Nothing from outside could compare to the love you put in all of our meals._

The detective swallowed. “Uh, I just don’t…think anything tastes particularly good there. I’m thinking of visiting another establishment, actually.”

“Hmmm. Okay, I’m up for anything. But I haven’t ever been there, so I guess that’ll make it difficult for me to guess where we’re going.”

Goro smiled. “That’s better, actually.”

***

Ren looked up at the stone building. “This is a…darts shop?” “Wow Ren, I’m impressed. How could you deduce that from the simple name of ‘Penguin Sniper’?”

The raven threw him a dirty look. “I said, stop being mean! I doubt they feature real weapons in there.”

“Well, come in and find out- and before you suggest anything stupid, I’m paying. This was my idea after all.”

To his surprise, Ren agreed easily. “That just means I’ll pick more extravagant shit on our next date.”

Goro ignored the comment and excitedly pulled Ren inside, paying the fee for a round of darts.

“Lets play 701! Do you know the rules?”

“I think so. First one to miss will be the loser?” “Alright. I’m always eager when it comes down to humiliate you.” “Oh, you’re on, Goro!”

They ended up with a perfect zero. “Hm”, Goro grumbled, That means…this is a tie. Both of our skills were evenly matched, apparently.”

“Well, how about we go for another round?”

No way would Goro back down from the challenging glint in Ren’s eyes.

“Alright.”

They ended up in four more ties- the owner of the club actually watched them for a round, suspecting they were cheating- but no. In the end, both of them grew bored before a victor could be assigned.

“How are you even so good at this, Goro?” “Aiming diligently and going for the goal is one my principles, Ren. I could ask the same of you, though.” “Well, Futaba once hung up a dart board in my room, and whenever I grew bored- which was a lot, actually- I’d play.”

“I see. Oh, I know. How about a round of billiard?”

As Ren’s face fell into a frown, Goro knew he was already going to win.

“I have never in my entire life played billiards. I’ll suck.”

“So you’re already handing over the victory to me?”

Hook, line and sinker. A passionate fire lit up in Ren’s eyes. “No way! But you gotta teach me the rules.”

“Gladly.”

Ren sucked. He sucked so badly Goro was laughing the entire time he took up the billiard cue- holding it wrong again- and then failing at sinking in any billiard ball except one- the one he wasn’t supposed to sink in.

“That’s another win for me”, he chuckled, as Ren grumbled about how unfair this was.

“You’re not even serious, are you? You’re not playing with your dominant hand.”

A wicked smile curled up on Goro’s face. “If I did that, I’d obliterate you and you’d be crying, I think.”

Ren’s face fell into a pout. “Shut up. I wouldn’t. I need a good teacher to hone my hidden skills and then I’ll best you.”

“Well, if you want a teacher, I’m fairly good at billiards.” “You don’t say.”

Laughing, Goro positioned himself behind Ren. He stood close, his chest hitting Ren’s back- yet he still dared to wind his arms around him so he could adjust Ren’s grip on the cue.

He gently caressed Ren’s fingers as he pried them off and on again. “See, this is your first mistake. Holding the billiard cue wrong could end up costing you your victory- but you refused to let me teach you, until now.”

“Uhm, Goro, are you sure-“ Goro heard the way Ren’s breath caught in his throat- he must have been unsure whether it was okay to be seen like this.

Goro snarled. “You’re supposed to concentrate, Ren, dearest. Now, did you get why your fingers and hands have to hold the cue here-“ Goro deliberately squeezed Ren’s hand “- instead of here?” He merely pointed at the former place Ren had placed his hands on.

“Um, yeah, okay- dearest?” Ren whispered.

Goro ignored him, slowly pressing his weight against Ren until he did what Goro had hoped him to do: bend over the table.

“Your posture is terrible as well, though. Merely correcting your grip isn’t going to help.”

He saw the Adam apple bob as Ren gulped. They were both bend over the table now- with Goro putting his entire weight atop of Ren’s body, and Ren mercilessly pressed against the table. Goro kept his hands on Ren’s, so that he didn’t slip up.

“Alright, so. Now we’re closing in on how you should stand while you aim.”

Actually, correcting the grip was the most important thing. The posture in itself wouldn’t do much- while Goro knew there were some professional billiard players who showed off with poses and grace, he knew it was more show than skill at that point.

“Then you move the cue…” he whispered languidly into Ren’s ear, as if he wasn’t affected of the way Ren’s ass was pressed against his dick.

“Like this…aim…and then…Shoot!”

It was extremely unnecessary to move his entire body for the mere act of pushing the cue and aiming for the balls.

But messing with Ren was extremely necessary, and he amusedly took note of the half-groan, half-curse leaving Ren’s lips as Goro rutted against him.

Then, he decided it was enough. He couldn’t let the excitement ruin his date- this was still happening in public, and their libido catching too much interest in the situation at hand would end up badly for sure.

Moving away and releasing Ren from his torment, Goro took a look at the billiard table. A few balls had made it into the goals, but the results could have been better.

Maybe he’d also been more distracted than he thought.

“I’m- just gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

“Oh, Ren-?” Before Goro was even able to react, the cue clattered to the ground, scaring the bored cashier at the door out of his nap.

Whoops. So maybe Goro went a liiiittle too far? But Ren was always such a tease himself, wasn’t he? Goro was only copying what he’d think Ren would do, actually- he didn’t think his own fantasies would work just as effectively on the person himself.

Hmmmm.

_There is such a thing as self-projecting. Maybe Ren was actually just waiting for me to begin imitating him?_

_No, he’d take a much straighter route than that._

_So this means I’m at fault for turning him into the mess he’s become now._

Goro had a huge smile on his face.

Ren didn’t take long to return. It barely took five minutes- the detective kept track of time in his boredom.

His boyfriend moved to the cue lying conveniently next to Goro, moving even closer and lowering his voice to a whisper.

“I hate billiard.”

Bellowing laughter filled the shop, and the detective was surprised to find out the cause of the sounds was himself. He wiped the tears gathering in the corner of his eyes away, sending Ren an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I guess…next time we’re going to play something you’re an expert in, okay?”

“Oh, we sure as hell will.”

“And I think this has been…very insightful, but maybe we should move on. I’m getting quite hungry, actually. There are quite a few restaurants out there we could dine in, if you’d like.”

“I hadn’t even realized it’s dinner time already”, Ren murmured. “I guess time flies when I’m with you, huh?”

Goro tilted his head to the side. “That’s for you to know, not me.”

His boyfriend flashed him a smile. “Right. Well, food time it is then- let me pick what we should eat!”

The two of them exited the establishment, strolling around Kichijoji until they found a fine diner that wasn’t too shabby and also not too classy- kind to the purse- and enjoyed a good meal. Ren insisted on paying since he’d picked the place, and after the banter over the bill became ridiculous, Goro gave in.

Since Goro said he still had something in mind for the early evening, they kept walking around the area, window shopping from one ridiculous shop to the next. Ren took a liking at the expensive stationery shop here, but Goro quickly persuaded him buying something here would annihilate Ren’s income.

There was an area around a beautiful fountain where benches provided a place to sit, and Goro suggested taking a break.

“Wait, actually…would you mind waiting here for a second? I think I forgot something at one of the shops we went to.”

It was a piss-poor attempt of a lie. But Goro trusted Ren enough to come back after whatever he wanted to hide- was taken care of.

“No problem. Make it quick, though, yes? The Purikura machine you pulled me into made so many pictures I lost track of time, and…we could actually move to the other place now.”

“I only need five minutes, really. I’ll be back in a jiffy! And you were the one who insisted on taking so many pictures, dummy- said we looked stupid in every single picture until we had enough to cover my entire room in Purikura and then some. Anyway, see you!”

Before Goro could reply, Ren was gone.

_Well, is it so selfish to keep today’s memory encaptured in as many ridiculous pictures as possible?_

Goro frowned, looking down at the array of Purikura in his hands. There were some with cat frames and ears placed atop of him and Ren, others without frames but filters.

His favorite picture was the one that had neither a frame nor a filter. Ren had pulled him onto his lap, despite Goro’s protest, and neither of them were looking at the camera. The raven had a dreamy smile on his look, fixed permanently on Goro, and Goro had a slight blush on his cheeks, unable to look away.

Of course they were kissing in the next frame. Due to the small space, however, that almost send both of them tumbling downwards, so the third picture featured both of them in a falling motion, Ren’s mouth opened in a silent yell, and yet- his eyes were crinkled in a laugh.

Goro was secretly glad they had printed that one twice- since Ren wanted the picture where they were kissing as well, and Goro wasn’t about to confess he liked this stripe the most.

Soon, he heard the telltale of Ren’s feet coming closer- funny how Goro was able to discern that by only listening- and the raven let himself fall onto the bench with a heavy sigh.

“I really am running the whole time with you, aren’t I?”

“I’ve never forced you to.”

Ren grinned in response. “Hey, gimme your hand.”

Without questioning, Goro moved his arm- and suddenly, there was a stark cold metal lying against his wrist.

With wide eyes, he looked at the silver bangle dangling forth on his arm.

“What? Ren-“ “Hey, I don’t wanna hear the whole ‘I’m not worth this, don’t buy me shit, I can’t return this’ speech all over again. I saw this while we were going through the shops here and thought this would suit you. It’s not too flashy, but it’s still flashy enough to go with your suit.”

Goro tried remembering what the cost of the accessory had been, but when he felt the telltale of a lump forming in his throat, he wasn’t able to pursue any monetary thoughts anymore.

“You always do this.” “Hm?”

“Selfishly…buy me stuff. I’ve never heard or see you spend money on yourself. Why? Why do you always insist on-“

Goro’s voice choked up, and no- he didn’t want to cry on their first date. That was why he had to stop talking immediately.

“Hey, if you hate it, I-“

The raven reached out for the silver bangle- only for his hand to be swatted away, Goro drawing his wrist closer to himself.

“No.”

Goro placed a timid kiss on the cold metal. That was also when his gaze fell on the inside of the bangle- was it smudged on the inside? Oh, no.

 _Letters,_ he realized, _something is written there._

Of course Ren had inscribed something- when had he not?

_To: My most cherished one._

And further in: _Love, R._

“This is mine now. I’m not giving it back.”

All Goro wanted to say was _Thank you,_ yet his mouth didn’t let him form the words- and pressed out that instead. Actually, he wasn’t sure he could keep speaking without _not_ letting a waterfall crash down his face, so he decided shutting up was his best option.

“Good. It belongs to you, Goro. It won’t leave you or be taken away unless you hand it over yourself.”

Goro wasn’t so sure if they were still talking about the silver bangle anymore as he took in the gentle smile on Ren’s lips.

Fuck, he wanted to kiss him so badly, but- he couldn’t. Not here.

There was a different place where he could, though.

Wordlessly, he searched for the hairband in his bag- tying his hair into a short ponytail. Then, he put on the fake glasses- it was a sad excuse of a costume, but it was good enough for the place they’d be going to.

He got up, wordlessly motioning Ren to follow him. There was hesitation in Ren’s face- but he let it fall once Goro crossed his arms, huffing at his indecisiveness.

“Alright, alright, Princey Prince. Let’s go- show me where you want to go.”

So Goro did. Soon, they found themselves at the entrance of his most favorite place: a run-down jazz club- the so called ‘Jazz Jin Bar’.

Run down from the outside, that was. The inside was extremely well renovated and decorated, keeping the rustic feeling from the outside and combining it with the gentle, comfortable atmosphere from the inside. The jazz club was sort of a hidden secret; only few people knew of it, making it the perfect place for Goro to kick back and relax whenever he felt crushed from all the prying looks around him.

The owner greeted him like an old friend. “Haven’t seen you in a long time, Goro. Where have you been? Jessy’s been asking for you. Also, those glasses? Terrible. Hideous. I won’t let you inside with them.”

Goro barked a laugh, prying the glasses off- much to Ren’s surprise. “They are terrible, I admit. I thought depending on how full it was, I’d need a bit of camouflage, though.”

The owner shook his hand. “No, no. Just some regulars you don’t know and a few new faces. There was a reporter trying to sneak in thrice today- I got José to take care of him, so don’t worry. Guy ran out without his pants on.”

Goro raised an eyebrow.

“I mean it. José had to throw his pants into the trash. That’s why the reporter also had to deal with the police afterwards.”

That caused Goro to laugh. Ren followed the conversation with interest- he’d never seen Goro act so casually around…anyone, actually.

The jazz club owner turned his head, only now noticing Goro wasn’t alone. “Who’s this? New friend of yours?”

Ren nodded, and Goro’s face darkened a little before cheering up again. “Yes. Would you mind if we went in? I’d like a rather secluded place for today, but still close enough for the live performance to be heard well.”

“You know I’ve designed the area specifically so you could hear it well from everywhere, Goro.”

This elicited another polite laughter from Goro, before he grabbed Ren’s wrist and pulled him further in.

“See you later, Jin.”

“Enjoy.”

Goro led them somewhere upstairs- the whole bar was kept in low lightning, so Ren almost tripped over the stairs multiple times- much to Goro’s amusement. Finally, they settled into a rather lonely looking couch. Put in a corner, it still provided a good view of the live stage. If you were seated downstairs- where most people went because they wanted to be as close to the live music as possible- you probably wouldn’t bother to crane your head the opposite way and squint upstairs.

Meaning it was a very nice place for privacy.

Goro let both of them fall into the sofa with a sigh, immediately latching onto Ren’s arm and snuggling closer. He felt Ren tense, and was about to let go and retreat into the opposite end of the couch- when Ren laid a hand onto his.

“Is this…really okay?”

“I’m a regular to this place. I don’t pay for the entry, as you may have noticed. I rarely end up paying for the drinks here, and I know the entire staff- just like they know me. They had a lot of chances to snitch on me these past few years- but they refrained, even implanting a ‘no pictures or reporters’ rule. Though I’m not sure that was entirely for my benefit. The point is-“

Goro sighed wistfully as Ren stroked his cheek, “-I know this place inside and out. I’m fairly sure whatever I do in here won’t be reported or seen- or if it is, they’ll keep quiet about it. I just didn’t…tell Jin you were my boyfriend because I felt like keeping it to myself. He’s smart enough to figure it out, anyway, though. And as your smart brain must have connected already- yes, the owner’s name is Jin, like the bar.”

“If you feel safe in here to do this, I’m not complaining. Just wanted to double-check. I trust your judgement.”

Goro huffed indignantly. “Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you, when I was the one who led you here and latched onto you like a-“

“Touch starved, needy boyfriend?”

The brunet grumbled. “That’s not what I wanted to say…but it’s not wrong, so whatever.”

He felt the rumble in Ren’s chest as a dark chuckle escaped him. “Told you I’m not complaining. I’m enjoying this quite a lot. But there is one question I have…”

“Which would be?”

“Who’s this Jessy woman?”

Goro almost laughed. What came out instead was a weak snort. “She’s one of the reasons I brought you here. She’s part of the live musicians who sing here from time to time- and she’s a very alluring woman, I have to admit.”

“She’s…your type?”

“I don’t even know what my type is except the idiot whose arm I’m crushing right now. I was merely stating a fact.”

Ren chuckled. “Okay. I’m looking forward to seeing her, then. So…let me guess, you like this place for its sophisticated, elegant atmosphere?”

Goro hummed, letting his head fall onto Ren’s shoulder and releasing his tight grip a little. “Partly. It’s also very relaxing to listen to Jessy- ah, there, she’s starting to prepare for her live show- and if I put this into your own words…I guess this is sort of close to my ‘safe place’ when it comes to anything outside…Outside of Leblanc.” Goro gulped, and didn’t dare to look Ren in the face as he said this- yet he was sure the raven must have been overjoyed at those words. “I’ve never brought anyone here- and never will.”

“I’m the exception?”

“Yes. I do enjoy this place- that’s nothing to be taken lightly, considering where I come from.” Goro’s face darkened. “So you should feel extremely grateful I decided to bring you here.”

“Goro.”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you- here?”

The brunet smiled. “Go ahead.”

It was a fairly short kiss, but it was passionate enough to get dangerous. “Thank you”, Ren whispered, his hot breath ghosting along Goro’s lips.

“Thank you for showing me your special place. I’ll treasure it.”

“I didn’t expect anything less, idiot”, Goro mumbled under his breath, muffling his words in Ren’s sweater. Their coats hung over the armrest, discarded as soon as they had settled down. Goro’s eyes fell back onto the silver bangle, a strange possessiveness overcoming him.

_Mine._

A waitress came up to them, silently placing an order consisting of one large drink with two straws and a stack of pancakes with two forks, even though neither of them had ordered anything.

“Jin’s courtesy. Said next time around you owe him a proper introduction, though- we’re all very curious of the person who managed to melt your icy heart. Enjoy!”

Quickly, the waitress disappeared, smart enough not to linger. Ren threw Goro a glance- but his boyfriend seemed amused.

“Proper introduction, huh? I didn’t expect him to take it all that well- I’ve never talked about my sexual orientation with him. Though he could have just served us proper cocktails instead of this- this gallon of a drink.”

“So you’re…positively surprised?”

Goro cut off a piece of the pancake, picking it up with his fork- but before inserting it in his mouth, thought again.

Then, the fork hovered near Ren’s mouth. “What do you think I am?”

Ren wordlessly took the offered piece of food, causing Goro to chuckle.

“Good answer, Ren.”

The first tunes of a song begun to chime around in the club. “Oh, she’s ready- listen well, Ren. This song is one of my favorites.”

Quietly, Goro began mouthing the words as the songstress begun to sing.

_People come and they go_

_Some people may stay with you though_

Ren threw his boyfriend a glance, only to be enraptured by the burning gaze Goro was observing him with.

The songstress sung on.

_I kept on asking myself questions_

Goro definitely did. Had. Will be. _How can you love someone like me? How can you see something valuable in something atrocious like me?_

_I never really doubted myself_

_But tonight got me thinking ‘bout it all_

_If I am the fool or what not_

Goro inadvertently thought: _I always thought I was a fool for chasing you. But then you turned into a fool, too, and- look where it got me. Or rather…us._

_I do not_

_Regret with my choices I’m rather proud_

_Yet I know I won’t change_

_Anything because_

_I can only be me so_

_How can I be so sure?_

The brunet mouthed a silent _About you? About us?_

_At a crossroads, I’m afraid too_

Goro actually had to suppress a smile at that line, remembering how he collapsed at the bar back then- afraid of what might happen, and yet, so sure that Ren would help. Now, he was standing at yet another metaphorical crossroad again- and truth be told, he was scared. Definitely. He didn’t know what it meant to give yourself up completely, or if his plan had been the right choice, but…

_But I can’t let fear get the best of me_

The detective added a silent _because there might be more wonderful things waiting for me if I dare take the chance. Because there’s more to lose than just myself now._

_Someone once said burn my dread, babe._

A chuckle escaped Goro. _Babe, huh. Well, by admitting to me you were afraid to lose me…you were sort of demanding of me to burn that fear away, isn’t that right?_

_Who knows what tomorrow holds?_

_Just wanna live my_

_Life the way I want_

Hah. _Definitely. I want to go out much more often and show you off to the whole world- I want you to bathe in my attention and reward yourself. I want to live- cut myself free of the puppet strings attached, and finally, finally be able to do whatever the hell I desire._

_What fills up my soul is passionate_

Goro chuckled silently. _I’ve never even thought I would be capable of this feeling. Or that my soul would be filled with this passion- with a passionate guy who tries to suppress his urges too much too boot._

_Music that makes me want to sing._

_Music that is your voice,_ Goro mouthed.

_My story_

_Will be starring me just like yours_

_Because at this point, I’m pretty sure you’re much too crazy for me than that you could let me out of your life story. No matter, because I am possessed by the same madness, I suppose._

_Who knows when_

_Will it end?_

_If there’s a never in the human life, I’ll definitely make sure it will be attached to this- so that neither of us will ever have to ask ourselves this question ever again._

As the final line was sung, Goro tilted his head up, putting his hands on Ren’s cheeks and pulling him downwards slightly- just so that their lips collided and they could get lost in the kiss as the last lines of the song rung on, like an oath they sealed with their love.

_What matters most_

_Is_

_How you bring_

_Joy_

_to life_

_Sooooo……_

_So I’ll never, ever let go. So long as you’ll have me- endure me- want me._

As their lips parted, Goro mouthed three words- three words he couldn’t say out loud yet because he lacked the courage. Because he was still a coward.

But he was gathering courage. He couldn’t be afraid of this feeling that he’d already embraced- he needed, if he borrowed Jessy’s words, to burn his dread.

For now, it was fine to indulge himself, though- or reward his boyfriend, he supposed, because Ren was hungrily claiming his lips over and over again as the songstress begun to sing her song anew.

It was fine. He was allowed to do that here. But, as Goro listened to the song over and over again…

Well, there was another plan forming in his head he was _very_ passionate about now. He wasn’t sure if Ren would comply- with seeing how much he held himself back all the time- but maybe, just maybe…would he let go of his reins tonight and lose himself.

Because Goro wanted it so, so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date's far from over (or is it), but I fucking worked my butt off for that song to fit in well, and I really wanted to let it sink in before we move on. I hope you enjoyed it- let me know if you do. Writing Goro's thoughts and letting them merge together with the song was the best heartache I could give myself. And we finally get yet another insight on his feelings and he's such a romantic sap SBFHDJSHSHFSJFHDJ SO WHAT IF CANON DIDN'T GIVE US SAPPY GORO. I WILL!  
> And also I legit had to laugh at the Crossroads and Babe line because they fit so well. I mean, the entire song is MADE FOR GORO OKAY so incorporating my favorite song into this fic was really important for me, sooooo hopefully you liked it, too!!! And the silver bangle??? THE PURIKURA???? Ngl the funniest thing to me was still Goro being highly inappropiate during billiard. Who ever said Goro was an innocent virgin again? Think again, Ren (well Goro really hasn't had sex with anyone, though xD)


	52. The Moon and The Fool danced for too long; finally, they became one....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITCHES WHAT THE FUCK THIS CHAPTER IS 20K LONG AND IT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK IT IS THIS TOOK ME THE ENTIRETY OF TWO FUCKING DAYS AND I DON'T REGRET BECAUSE IT'S THE PEAK OF ALL THE SEXUAL TENSION FROM THE ENTIRETY OF FUCKING 51 CHAPTERS okay I'll stop yelling.  
> I just wasn't aware of how FUCKING LONG THIS ACTUALLY WAS.  
> Also, there's more than just smut, so be warned- this isn't only about sex.  
> (Okay, but for roughly 90% it is).  
> WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST CHAPTER EVER OH MY GOSH wjasggfjghjggfj  
> Also, in case anyone's interested: The song I think fit very well to the scene and that HELPED ME SURVIVE THIS was Jelly Love from TVXQ! So maybe...if you wanna drown in feels...play it up as soon as things begin....YOU KNOW WHEN IT BEGINS SHGDFKJGHDKF bye

Goro stopped Ren from going too wild at some point. “We should appreciate Jin’s little present and eat his pancakes, don’t you think?”

Ren grumbled, but complied. “You’re just a sucker for pancakes.”

They finished the drink as well, remaining silent most of the time as they listened to the music.

Soon, the two of them found themselves back on the streets- but not before Ren had attempted to buy the single ‘No More What If’s’. Jessy had given it to him as a gift, signed with her personal signature. In return, Ren and Goro would have to come by again and enjoy another ‘sweet evening with each other’ as she called it, because Goro had boldly declared his relationship in front of her. They had been backstage, anyway- and José was keeping watch.

Obviously, Ren insisted on paying, but then Jin ordered José to gently escort them outside, and that was that.

“Today was great. I’m glad I don’t have to part from you, though, like normal partners usually have to. How about we head home?” Ren asked.

Goro put his fake glasses back on. It was dark outside- barely anyone was around anymore. Nobody would be watching out for the hot date of the Detective Prince- so Goro boldly grabbed Ren’s hand, intertwining their fingers, glad that the darkness hid his blush.

“Sounds good.”

“You know…” Ren said a little breathlessly, “I feel like this is some sort of fever dream.” 

“What? Why?”

“You’ve been pampering me all day. It’s like you looked inside my head and went ‘How to fulfill Ren’s dumb desires’ which is why…you did all this. I- I can’t say I don’t like it, but…”

Goro chuckled. “You’re not used to it?” Slowly, like a stupid teenage high school girl, he let their hands swing back and forth. “Well, it wasn’t exactly…common what we did today for me, either. But I enjoyed it nevertheless.”

“Did you come up with all of this in just one night?”

“That’s a secret.”

“Bummer. Hey, actually…” They were nearing the underground station, yet Ren suddenly halted.

“How about…we go to my own apartment, actually?”

Goro was mildly surprised. “I don’t mind, but why the sudden change of place- or mind, for that matter?”

Ren scratched the back of his head. “I just…I forgot to water my plants the other day, and we’re closer to Shinjuku than Yongen-Jaya, anyway. We could…walk there? I mean, it will take some time, but…”

Ren searched Goro’s gaze- and when he found it, it felt like Goro’s soul was pierced by the desperate and fervent look he threw him.

“I don’t want…today to end yet, somehow. But…I feel like if we went to Leblanc, it- I don’t know. I’m being irrational, I don’t even understand why I’m saying this-“

“Do you have toothbrushes there?”

“What?” Ren looked confused.

“Toothbrushes. And towels, because I feel like taking a shower, actually. Not for my hair- just to get rid of…the sweat and all that. And as much as you like the public bathhouse, I somehow feel like using something more private today. However, going to sleep without having brushed our teeth- or you with your morning breath- would be bad.”

“I- I do. I have my own, obviously, but there’s still a package of unopened toothbrushes under the sink. But hey, I don’t have morning breath-“

“Well, do you have spare pajamas, then?” _Not like I’ll need them._

“Sure?”

“Then I don’t understand why you’re wasting time standing in front of the subway station. I don’t really know the way to Shinjuku by foot from here- so may I ask you to lead?”

“I don’t understand how you can sound so condescending while demanding stuff…” Laughing, Ren lead them away, determinedly taking a certain path. “But you know what? It’s part of your charm.”

“Or maybe you’re just a masochist.” _Like your brother. Maybe it’s a twin thing?_

“Naaaah, not into that. Are you?”

Goro hissed like an unpleased cat. “No!”

Chuckles and laughter filled the air as two young men made their way back home.

Because home, for them, meant being with each other.

***

The ever familiar scent of coffee instantly filled Goro’s sense of smell as they finally managed to retreat into the warm confines of a home.

“You know, at first, walking back all the way was romantic and all, but I really began freezing my ass off halfway- I’m glad we’re back, finally.”

This place was filled with memories- sad and happy ones alike. Goro had never thought he’d ever see it again, actually- or be filled with all these…emotions creeping up on him as soon as he went further inside.

Especially not when he saw the cactus sitting innocently in the corner of the room.

Despite the fact that Ren hadn’t dropped by often- at least if you trusted his claims- the apartment was clean and fresh, and no plants seemed to be close to dying.

Goro wasn’t too intent on reminiscing, though, as he was craving to jump under a hot shower- or a hot bath, who knew. Ren had the luxury of owning a tub here, after all.

“I’ll go ahead and make use of your bathroom, if you don’t mind.” “Oh, feel free to! I should probably give you a towel-“

“I think I remember well enough where you kept them, actually. Don’t worry about it and excuse me, please.”

“Uh, Goro?”

The brunet ignored Ren’s concerned call, too afraid that he’d abandon his ridiculous idea if he dared to take on more look at Ren.

Quickly, he retreated into the bathroom, glad that he hadn’t forgotten the layout of this place. He was elated to notice Ren had apparently left a fresh bathrobe next to where he kept a few towels. Good. He wouldn’t wash his hair, anyway- he just needed something more comfortable to change into before he…

Well.

Goro tried to get ready as fast as he could, repeating and going over the dialogue he wanted to have over and over again as the sounds of the shower drowned out his mumbles.

_Right, I can- I can do this._

He donned the bathrobe after drying himself off, checking whether his hair had gotten wet- luckily, it hadn’t- before he boldly stepped out again.

He heard sounds from the living room- was this No More What If’s playing? The detective almost snorted at the irony. Well, the music certainly fit, that was for sure.

Keeping his noises to a minimum, he sneaked into the living room. Ren was sprawled on the couch, had closed his eyes as he listened to the jazz club’s music. He wasn’t asleep, evident by the fact that he was humming alongside the melody. There was a rather modern looking music station somewhere in the corner of the room, blending in seamlessly with the interior. Goro had noticed it back when he lived here shortly, but he hadn’t paid a lot of attention to it.

Alright, so this was- a perfect opportunity. Goro just had to- get his courage up and-

Maybe this was more difficult than he imagined. He just wanted this to be over as smoothly as possible, because he remembered his awfully embarrassing first attempts at this and did _not_ want to repeat that.

Ever.

Because as much as he acted as if he hadn’t been affected by all that, he had.

_But I can’t let fear get the best of me._

Though a rejection would sting more than just a little this time around- on a level way different than before.

He gulped, feeling his mouth go dry. Ren was still humming on the couch, his arms crossed behind his head, his expression blissful.

What if he’d be turned off by Goro? Fuck, what if he thought Goro was just trying to make a point or win a goal or-

Panic and fear got the better of him, and now he felt glued to the spot, a few feet away from Ren.

Noooo. No, this wasn’t what he’d planned in his head. He’d been much more capable and suave back then- similar to how bold he’d acted when they were playing billiard.

But he was actually capable at billiard. He had no idea what the fuck _this_ entailed, and therefore, couldn’t bring himself to act all suave and smooth like before.

Apparently, he wasted a lot of time just standing on the same spot and didn’t move, because the next moment, Ren shifted.

Oh no.

The raven, sprawled on the couch before, sat up, letting his gaze travel around the room before it fell upon Goro. His eyes widened a little in surprise, his eyebrows traveling up-

Fuck, Goro didn’t like what his heart was doing.

“Goro? Do you need something? Or is something up? You know where I stash my clothes here, don’t you? You took quite a long time in the shower-“

As he spoke, Goro moved closer- closer, even closer- until he stood toe to toe with Ren, looking down on Ren, causing the latter to crane his head up to look at him.

“Goro?”

“Doyouwannahavesexwithme”, the brunet blurted out, his entire face on fire. Fuck, so much for all the suave one liners he’d practiced in the bathroom- or in front of the mirror.

“What?” Ren’s eyebrows flew up, his eyes growing even wider- that’s when a little beast inside Goro’s head yelled at him to _Abort mission, abort mission now!_

No, he couldn’t abandon this now. So what if he’d butchered this? He always screwed up anything relating to Ren. It’d be cowardly to run away and hide his face somewhere now- or worse, force Ren to follow him and make him worry.

No, Goro Akechi did _not_ want to be a coward anymore- not when it came to ridiculous matters of the heart. Not when Ren had taught him how important it was to listen to his…stupid sappy inner voice.

His silence made Ren furrow his brows in concern. “Hey, Goro, what’s-“

_Goro Akechi is not a coward. He’s not stupid. He’s not a fool. He can do this._

Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he lowered himself onto Ren’s leg, swinging his legs up onto the couch and within a few movements, ended up straddling Ren’s lap.

Emboldened by the fact that he hadn’t been kicked away yet, Goro let his arms drop down to Ren’s waist, grabbing his cursed suspenders where they were attached to his jeans.

“I said- do you…” He gulped, feeling his face burn a million times stronger than ever before. “I was wondering if you wanted to have sexual intercourse with me?”

_Fucking awesome, Goro. You stupid fucking idiot. Could you have phrased that any worse? Any more awkward? Even nerdier? Why on fucking earth did you spend so much time practicing all those one-liners?!_

Confused about the silence, Goro whipped his head up to search Ren’s gaze-

-and immediately recoiled at the confused and conflicted expression on Ren’s face.

_Well, there you have your answer, you idiot._

_Fuck._

_How do I get myself out of this?_

Goro was about to say something stupid again when Ren _actually_ opened his mouth to give him an answer.

“What? What on earth made you think that, Goro?”

It felt like a cold slap to his face. His face, burning in embarrassment before- was torched like the sea of shame now.

Ren was saying something, but Goro couldn’t hear it anymore- not over the adrenaline and the blood rushing in his ears, not over the puckering of his heart, not over the throbs of his body- his instincts kicked in, and even though he had promised not to be, he gave in to the feeling now:

He was a coward, nothing more.

Quickly, so that his tears didn’t start falling and made his grandiose performance even uglier, he scrambled off of Ren’s lap, losing his balance and falling to the ground inelegantly.

Ren was saying his name, reaching out to him concernedly- but he didn’t want to hear him, didn’t want to feel him. Goro was miserable. He wanted to flee as fast as possible- the problem was that he was inside Ren’s apartment and clad in a bathrobe, unable to really ‘flee’.

So he did the best thing that came into his head instead: he got up from the ground and ran back where he came from.

At least he could lock the bathroom and prevent Ren from seeing him any longer.

Maybe that’d spare both of them even more embarrassment.

Before Ren realized what was happening, Goro had already locked the bathroom door and slid to the ground. He heard the pounding against the door, alongside Ren’s frantic calls better now- but he didn’t want to hear anything anymore. He buried his face in his legs, curling up and wishing he could disappear into the ground.

Ren was such a liar. Always going on and on about how much he wanted Goro and how needy he was for him and yet- when it came to the real thing- backed out.

_Stupid, stupid liar._

_Idiot. Cursed man._

_Imbecile._

Somehow, insulting his boyfriend only made Goro feel more miserable, and he sunk deeper into his pit of shame.

From the other side of the door, he felt someone fall to the ground, and another soft thud resounded as- presumably- someone’s forehead pressed against the door.

“Goro. Won’t you come out and talk to me?”

Oh no. Nonononono. Goro would wait for the ocean to dry out and wither away before he did that.

“Liar”, he heard himself call out instead, “You’re such a liar.”

“Goro”, Ren pleaded, that sickly-sweet tone of his that always made Goro’s knees buckle involuntarily, “Come out. Please. Then we can talk, okay? I just- I need to see you, babe.”

“Don’t you ‘babe’ me, you liar.”

A heavy sigh resounded. “I have my reasons why I said what I said, Goro- and I’d love to tell you all about it. But you’ll have to come out before that. We can- cuddle up while we do that. That’s much better than sitting on the dirty bathroom floor, right?”

Goro flinched as he remembered all their shared touches, all their skin-on-skin contact- no, he couldn’t go back to that right now. He felt like an unwanted child all over again, and he knew he was being unreasonable, that he should open the door and listen to Ren-

But emotions weren’t that easy to handle for someone who had no idea what emotions could do to you if all you dealt with for the past 23 years were feelings of inferiority, rejection, hate and revenge.

Goro wanted to move on from those, of course. But he still had to take baby steps in order to do that- he couldn’t change from one day to another, or one month to another. It’d take quite some time until he really grew used and capable of handling his feelings.

Fuck, things had been so nice a few hours ago- with them being in the Jazz Jin and Goro sharing such an intimate part of his life. One of the few things he _did_ appreciate in life, and was overjoyed to share with his special someone.

Now look where he was.

“Are you crying, Goro?”

It was a soft whisper, and yet Goro could hear it over the flow of his tears nevertheless. His stupid ears would no doubt always pick up whatever Ren was saying- so long as Goro himself wasn’t busy with blending reality out.

“Don’t cry. You have nothing to be sad about, really. If you’d listen, you’d know-“

“Shut up”, Goro lashed out, “I’m- I hate you!”

“No, you don’t.” Even through the door, he could feel the exasperation in Ren’s tone. “You’re disappointed- which you shouldn’t be. You might be frustrated and angry-“

“Oh, don’t you know me _so_ well, Ren. Can you shut up now?! Didn’t you have enough fun just- just making fun of-“

“I love you, Goro.”

Goro halted, his mouth hanging open.

“Man, I didn’t want to say it through the door- I mean, I know this isn’t the first time I said this, but you know. It’s sort of more impactful when I tell it to you face to face and not…through a wall you put up between us. Literally. Urgh, anyway.”

Something thumped against the door.

“What I was actually saying after some bad phrasing when you asked for sex was- well. That I don’t want you to feel obligated for some shit or something. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me- or that you have to end a perfect date with sex. I’m…so happy just being with you. Happy that you let me near you and- see all your sides, like the Goro at the Jazz Jin or the Goro at billiards. Heck, my heart can’t take neither, but please don’t ever rut on me in public again- I think I’d try and ravish you on the spot. Because- that’s the thing. I mean it when I say I think about you all the time. In…all kinds of scenarios, fuck.”

A pause.

“I know you’re going to end up saying something like ‘I don’t do stuff without wanting it’ and all that…jazz, ha. Pun not intended. But you’ve been talking about owing me and feeling obligated these days- and I didn’t like that. Because that’s not the point of our relationship. I do understand you can’t change the feeling quite so quickly, but…That’s why I want to be cautious. I don’t want to do something that makes either of us regret it in hindsight. Even if you think the blame would be on you nevertheless- it’s not. We’re friends, we’re partners, we’re lovers- we do this together, everything. Just like we share our mistakes. I’m aware that’s some sort of commitment, but…you want it, too, right?”

Goro didn’t have it in him to reply.

“Answer me what you didn’t hear before, Goro. Why do you want to have sex with me? Do you feel insecure about us and want to manifest it with something physical? Do you feel jealous of my former partners that mean nothing to me in the romantic aspect anymore? Is it inferiority? The urge to possess something? Or is it- wah!”

Ren, in his monologue, hadn’t realized Goro had gotten up from the ground and unlocked the bathroom door- as well as pulled the door open quite brutally as soon as he felt like Ren was getting ridiculous. That had caused the raven to fall backwards, his back hitting the hard ground underneath, while his head landed softly- right onto Goro’s feet.

He was staring up at the tear stained face of his lover now.

“You can be _such_ a dense idiot sometimes, Ren, I swear.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve literally been telling you why on earth I- urgh. I wanted you from the day we first met- or the day I started stripping in front of you, I assume.” Goro could not bring the sex word over his lips after making such a fool of himself before.

“Anyway- I don’t- I’m not doing this for whatever ridiculous reasons you were thinking up. Your overanalyzing brain is a pain in the ass, fuck. My reasons are entirely selfish. I want you- and I want you to want me back. I know you keep saying you do, and that you feel this- all this- is enough. Fine, if you think that way- whatever. It’s not enough for me. I want to feel you- I want your everything. Yes, I also want something all the other people flocking around you don’t have- what’s wrong with feeling that way? But are you- are you really that repulsed by the idea of fucking making me yours, soul and body alike?! Why do you keep saying it then?! Why would you- would you make me so confused, and, and- I hate you, Ren!”

A new batch of tears flooded down Goro’s cheeks, and fearing that Goro would lock himself behind doors again, Ren flung to his feet, grabbing his boyfriend and pulling him into a hug- kissing him deeply.

The detective, angry and spiteful, was about to bite Ren harshly in order for him to let off-

-but as Goro opened his mouth during the kiss, an entirely new feeling nearly knocked him off his feet.

His knees grew weak as he registered what was going on- fuck, fuck, why on earth had he never thought about- about french kissing before, I mean, technically, Ren had french kissed him already, but not like this, and, and fuck, fuck-

He lost control over his thoughts as a slick tongue invaded the cavern of his mouth, licking around on the inside of his cheeks, playing with his tongue in a battle of dominance- that Goro was quickly losing, uh-oh. He was losing his mind as needy noises escaped the back of his throat, drowned out and sucked up by Ren’s slick, wet movements, ever possessive tongue-

Goro knew his knees were beginning to buckle, unable to support him anymore- but he couldn’t keep himself from standing on his legs, too overwhelmed by the sensations and the sounds and _fuck, why has he never done this before_ -

Luckily, he had a very capable and very knowing boyfriend at his side. Ren caught him, stabilized him as he lost his balance- and suddenly, Goro was lifted up as their mouths disconnected, yet too dizzy from the kiss to notice anything- before he was swept up bridal style.

“W-what-“ Goro wanted to unleash an angry torment of insults, but he also couldn’t deny that the kiss had been fucking spectacular- on a whole other level than their innocent kisses exchanged in the Jazz Jin. He looked up-

-and almost forgot how to breathe at the fiery look dancing in Ren’s eyes.

“Is that true?” He’d never heard Ren talk so rough before- his voice was naught but a deep, husky growl, piercing Goro right through his very soul.

“Do you want this- because you feel like owning me- because you feel selfish enough to want me all on my own, not because you want to reward me or owe me or-“

“You talk too much. And yes. Sometimes, you’re a good listener, Ren, but other times you seem to forget what people tell you completely.”

They were moving.

“I guess because I still believe some things are too good to be true. So yeah…sorry for being an insensitive idiot.”

Goro sighed. “Whatever. Nothing I’m not used to, really.”

“Hey!”

He was thrown against a soft underground- plush cushions and soft linen- and he giggled when he looked up at the pout forming on Ren’s face.

“You’re really sure you want this, right?”

“Yes?”

“Really, really sure?”

Goro rolled his eyes. “If you ask me one time, I think I’ll run down like this into Shinjuku and offer myself to the first person- uff!”

Ren had thrown himself right atop of him, knocking the air out of his lunges now- not that _that_ feeling was anything new when it came to the raven.

But Goro realized that he didn’t really mind being smothered and drowned in the torrent of lust and love.

“No way. I’m not letting anyone else see you like this. Or worse- take you. You belong to me.”

_Ahhh, finally, finally, he’s letting go of his rational instincts for once._

“Oh really? I don’t think I do. I’m still a virgin, after all- though…”

The sleeves of the bathrobe had loosened themselves in the chaos of being carried around and thrown onto a bed- they had rolled up to Goro’s elbows now, revealing a certain silver bangle.

Goro lifted his arms, drawing the bangle closer and letting it rest against his forehead.

“I do believe the person who gave me this…special thing here should be allowed to claim me for himself. I am feeling quite generous today.”

_The opposite, actually. All I want is to see you lose your damn mind as you claim me over and over again- nothing about that is generous._

A dark look crossed Ren’s face- he looked so alluring, lost to his desires and his want, all caution and ration thrown out- though, Goro mused, he didn’t lose himself all that completely. After all, he kept checking on Goro and asking for permission.

But this was a far cry away from the Ren that had pushed him away when Goro stripped for him once. Or when he was trying to make him needy with his family downstairs.

There was nothing but the flame of pure, untarnished desire in his eyes as he took in Goro’s debauched pose on the bed.

“Come on, Ren. Make me yours already. Or do I have to beg you first? Because I don’t think I- oh.”

Goro was cut off by a needy kiss, one that demanded the air in his lungs, the fire in his blood, the ration of his mind- and he was all to willing to give it.

_Take it, take it, take it all…_

When they parted, Ren growled.

“No, but you’ll have to earn yourself certain rewards. Don’t think I wouldn’t know what you’re actually attempting, babe.”

Oh, Goro was _so_ in for this.

“It’s unfair you’re almost stripped to the bones and I didn’t even get to undress you, Goro. Remember that for next time you try to make me mad.”

Ren tried shifting away from him- nonono, that wouldn’t happen in Goro’s log- so he grabbed one of the stupid, ridiculous suspenders, keeping Ren from leaving him too far.

“You’re not going anywhere, honey.”

Ren raised one of his eyebrows. “For a virgin, you’re certainly bold.”

“That’s only because you make me go insane, the same way I make you.”

“You were so shy and awkward when you were trying to _ask_ for this, though.”

Goro’s act fell for a hot second, his cheeks growing red in embarrassment. “Because I panicked. I didn’t- I had this all planned out, and I knew my script, but-“

“A script? You kept a fucking-“ Ren started laughing, much to Goro’s disdain.

“Fuck, yes, I had planned all kinds of dialogues, okay? What’s so wrong about it? I woke up often enough while having some sort of wet dream about- oh.”

Goro clasped his free hand over his mouth, but it was too late. The twinkle in Ren’s lust-ridden eyes told him he’d picked up on that cursed detail that had slipped out of the detective oh-so-casually.

“You had wet dreams about me? While we were sharing a bed, no dirty thoughts in either of our minds? Really Goro? That’s bad. Desperate. Were you so-“

“Yes”, Goro nearly yelled, wanting nothing more than to bury his face in one of the cushions, “ _Fuck,_ how many more times do I have to say it, you fucking idiot?!”

“Well, I guess I’ll _really_ have to live up to your expectations now.”

“Huh?”

His hand was pried off, and Ren sat up- on Goro’s legs, but much more on his calves than anywhere near his pelvic area. 

Goro followed his movement after Ren coaxed him with his finger- swatting it away angrily.

“I’m not an animal.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“So? What’s this about?”

Ren had a smile on his lips- looking much more similar to his rational, normal self, and yet- the way his eyes flashed dangerously had Goro whimpering at his lover’s mercy.

“Goro, if you ever feel uncomfortable or it’s too much…you need to say it, okay? I can’t keep reading your mind when you blow all my ration away. So please-“

“Urgh, yes, fine, okay, can we-“

A finger was pressed against his lips. Ren looked more serious now, the passionate fire in his eyes almost extinguished by the water of ration.

“No, I mean it. I’ll be gentle when we move onto the real stuff- as much as you hate that, because I know what turns you on. Well, sucks for you, I guess. I’m not letting you pass out on your first time because we lost our minds and had too much rough sex. I want you to remember this moment for a long, long time.” There was a goofy grin on Ren’s face now, almost causing Goro to snort.

“We can go rough and hard some other time- you’ll need to get used and learn what your preferences are, and what do or don’ts are, or-“

“Are you gonna keep talking all day?”

Ren snorted. “Sorry. You’re right. I’m being a turn off. Well, let me ask you something, then. Do you prefer to receive or to penetrate?”

As embarrassing as it was, when Ann had asked him about his sexual experiences and sex with Ren, and Goro’d answered none- Ann had made it her task to teach him a little about what it meant to have sexual intercourse- with any sex. But obviously focused on male sex. He’d begged her to stop, but she didn’t – and somehow, he was glad for it, because if he’d been entirely unprepared, he probably wouldn’t even have understood the question.

“I’ll…I’ll let you top this time.” Goro crossed his arms, looking towards the window near the bed. The shutters were drawn, since Ren hadn’t been here to bother letting the sunlight in- and luckily, it provided them privacy.

Ren chuckled. “You can ‘top’ from the ‘bottom’, too, Goro. I’m afraid I’ll have to tickle the answer out of you, as much as I adore your shy side.”

Goro harrumphed. “Fine. Penetrate.”

“You or me?”

“You!” Goro threw his arms into the air, causing Ren to topple over in laughter.

“Do I need to repeat myself?!”

“No, no”, Ren wiped some tears away. “Sorry. Message clear.”

“Good.”

“But you do know there’s more to sex than just penetration, right?”

“Argh, shut up! Stop talking! You’re-“

Ren pressed a chaste kiss onto his lips that left him wanting for more. He smiled apologetically as Goro’s eyes fluttered open again.

“Sorry. I promise not to tease too much. I just need to go and get some stuff before we start- I left them in the drawer of the bathroom, I think. You know foreplay is almost as much as fun as the actual thing, right?”

Ren hopped off the bed, crossing the room in a few steps. As he rounded the corner, he heard Goro shyly call out: “Would you mind…turning up the music a little and…turning off the light?”

A dopey smile appeared on Ren’s face. He quickly found what he needed- oh wow, Lala had actually bought him new condoms the last time she watered the plants. Good. Then, he procceded to turn the music box louder, so that you could hear the tunes all the way into the bedroom- but not loud enough it would drown out the sweet melody Goro would be singing later.

Or Ren’s own sounds, of course.

There was a lamp near the bed where Goro had begun burying his face into the covers, and with an airy chuckle, Ren clicked it on, turning off the room lights. The dark shine of the lamp would provide enough light that he wouldn’t miss Goro’s expression- any of them.

Because yes, he wouldn’t miss that for the world.

He dropped the lube and the condoms, as well as a package of tissues -and a towel, just in case- on the nightstand, so they were close enough to reach quickly. Next to them, he placed a trash bin with a plastic bag.

Then, Ren deliberately threw himself onto the bed, making the bed creak in protest, and the soft mattress gave way to his body for a split second- enough so it would fling Goro upwards, causing him to let out a small yelp before safely landing in the sheets again.

 _“Ren!”_ Goro lifted his head up, searching for the evildoer who was busy laughing his ass off.

“Don’t you dare do that again!”

“Huh? Why? Were you scared? Was tiny, cute Goro scared?”

“No!” Goro protested energetically, moving over to where Ren was laughing, “I just- the bed could break from that!”

_This is the second time he’s made me say it!_

“We’re about to do something that- depending on its impact- could break the bed as well.”

Goro’s eyes widened- but Ren was quick to dismiss with yet another chuckle. “No, that was a joke. Don’t take it to heart. This thing’s sturdy- and the impact of sex breaking this bed would be…ouch. I think the people involved in that sort of sex would not be having a lot of fun anymore.”

“Okay?” Goro was sitting now, throwing Ren- still sprawled on the bed- a confused look.

A hand grabbed his chin, tilting it downwards. “Man, you’re so innocent from time to time. Makes me feel bad for deflowering you.”

“De-what”, Goro spluttered, his cheeks growing red at an alarming rate- or maybe they had never stopped being red, who knew. He slapped the hand on his chin away, turning around and hoping to bury his face in the cushions again-

A weight pressed down on him, sending him flailing down. He was able to bury his face in one of the cushions, but at what cost? Ren had draped himself over him, and now his lips were ghosting along Goro’s ear, and his hands travelled low on his back, Goro could feel them even through the fabric of the bathrobe, and- oh, fuck.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going? We haven’t even started.”

“I wasn’t planning on running! Your ridiculous way of phrasing things is just…embarrassing!”

“Says the one who asked for ‘sexual intercourse’.” Goro was unsure how to react to the laughter reverberating in his ear, but his lower gut didn’t seem to mind.

His libido also didn’t mind the entire body weight pressed atop of him, it seemed.

“Hey, Goro?”

Oh no. That sensual whisper voice again. Goro’s face was up in flames, anyway, but adding that? It was like fighting fire with fire. He closed his eyes, hoping it would help him overcome the sensation of a shiver running down his spine-

“What were your dreams about?”

Goro had to suppress a pathetic yelp. Okay, so closing his eyes made him hyper-focus on all the _other_ sensations, and-

A hand was playing with his bathrobe. Namely, the sash keeping it close and tight- though obviously, Ren couldn’t open it from behind.

Oh fuck. Okay. So this was happening.

“Your wet dreams. About me. Tell me. I told you I have to live up to your expectations, right? I should be allowed to know what you were thinking about. Come on- tell me, so I can turn your dreams into reality.”

Fuck, that fucker. He was kissing Goro’s helix now- softly, and yet the undertone of his lust was clear in Ren’s voice.

“Funny I never noticed. You’re good at hiding stuff- better than I imagined. Really, it hurts- I wonder what would have happened if I had noticed.”

Well, Goro could at least provide an answer to that. He managed to huff, before pressing out: “Nothing. You’d have teased me relentlessly for it, and then- leave me be. I’m very sure, trust me.”

“Huh. Well, isn’t it great that that’s going to be different from now on?”

Another full-body shiver overtook Goro- his body was growing hot without him wanting, defenseless against Ren- no, _pliant_ to his voice.

Fuck. Goro hated repeating himself, but this word was the only thing fitting to describe any of his emotions right now- even though it did…carry an air of irony.

The premise of repeating something that hadn’t even happened yet excited him nonetheless.

“Not if you keep talk- hey!” Weakly, Goro protested against the kiss placed against the back of his neck, and then-

Ren was sucking- sucking his skin, as if he was some sort of vampire, trying to drain him of his blood- or to leave his mark- ah, there was a hint of Ren’s teeth- he was humming, singing something into Goro’s skin, who groaned involuntarily, giving in to the sensations. A tongue lapped at the throbbing skin, then more kisses-

Goro remembered how to breathe.

“What- what were you doing?”

_Do it again._

“Leaving a kiss mark, obviously. Didn’t I tell you I’m a bit obsessed with you? Leaving a mark for the world to see what you mean to me…that, frankly, turns me on.”

“Huh.” Goro didn’t sound like himself. His voice was breathy, a bit more high-pitched than his normal, everyday voice.

And obviously a far cry away from his conversational self.

“What- have you never been marked?”

Goro was wary how to phrase the next words, aware of how much Ren disliked hearing Akira and himself in some sort of entanglement.

“I…have. Akira left marks on me from time to time- they were a pain to cover up.”

“O-oh.”

He heard the distaste in Ren’s voice before the raven himself grew aware.

“Wait”, Goro quickly added, “I wasn’t- you need to listen, idiot. I wanted to say that…he did leave marks, but I’ve never…felt the way I just did, with all the sensations nearly killing me. He’d leave hickey upon hickey, but…I didn’t feel anything. It was just sort of a transaction to me. Necessary. That hickey you just left on me nearly made me forget to breathe. Or remember how to breathe? I- frankly, I’m not sure what else to say besides the fact that I lost my damn mind.”

“Huh.” Were they mimicking each other now? Because Ren sounded a little breathless, too.

“You make me want to tell you stop so I don’t feel like dying anymore- and yet, every one of your touches- makes me feel so alive I feel ablaze. No matter how many of my senses I shut off, you just…barge in and make the other ones much more intense. Urgh.”

Goro buried his face in the cushion.

“I hate how much power you have over me.”

Ren didn’t react, and Goro was afraid he’d said something that turned him off. Slowly, he pried his face off the cushion, turning his head around as best as he could- surprised to find the weight had shifted, rolled onto the other side.

Quickly, Goro turned around, concerned- and Ren, lying next to him, had an arm thrown over his eyes, his mouth an illegible line.

Goro’s brows furrowed. “Ren.”

“Man, hold on a second. Just- give me a second.”

“Uhm…okay.” Alright, so he’d definitely fucked _something_ up, that was clear.

Goro sat up, ready to crawl to the other end of the bed and go cool himself down in the bathroom, but before he could move, a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t go. You didn’t…make me angry or something.”

“Uh?”

Ren pried the arm off his face.

Someone once said that the eyes are the window to the soul. If that was true, Ren’s soul was in turmoil- his eyes were blazing with emotion, sucking Goro’s life away with a mere glance, and slowly, the raven’s mouth curled into a smile.

“You just fuck me up sometimes with your honesty. In a good way.”

“A…good way?”

Ren sat up, letting their foreheads knock together. The smile on his face remained.

“Yes. You just make me incredibly happy from time to time, though you don’t realize it. When I get turned off by something you’re not even at fault for- well, you make up for it by letting my chest, or rather- my heart beat a thousand times quicker. Man, I’m so stupid for you.”

Goro didn’t really understand what this was about, but he nodded. “Okay.”

And then, after a beat, his cheeks burning up:

“A blowjob.”

Ren didn’t flinch away. Their foreheads were still touching, but Goro had averted his eyes, shyly looking down to where their fingers had intertwined again.

“I often dreamt of…you giving me a blowjob. Or me doing it. Though I have- absolutely no experience, so I imagine that must’ve been terrible.”

“Dream Ren is so lucky.”

“Huh?” Goro made the mistake to look up again- and was enraptured by the lustful stare Ren gave him all over again, his skin tingling.

“Well, he got to do all sort of things with you. Before me.”

“You know what you’re saying is ridiculous. That stuff wasn’t even real.”

“It felt real to you, didn’t it?” Ren’s breath ghosted alongside Goro’s lips, the raven’s lips traveling upwards to Goro’s cheekbones.

“Or else you wouldn’t have gotten so excited by it.”

Goro only managed a pathetic squeak in response as Ren’s lips travelled across his cheek- his face- to his ears-

And back to his lips, pressing a not- so-innocent kiss to it, and Goro couldn’t help but let out a groan that his lover greedily sucked up.

Ren wasn’t much better, though. It felt like with every sound he coaxed out of the brunet, his own sounds turned louder and more lustridden.

Goro wasn’t sure he’d be alive at the end of this night if this kept on, but- he didn’t mind risking his sanity.

“You want me to go first?” Ren asked, when they pried off of each other. “I actually have other intentions besides seeing your cute face in ecstasy.”

“W-what”, Goro squawked- causing a chuckle to escape Ren’s lips.

“Do you want me to give you a blowjob, or would you rather suck my dick first? I’d prefer letting you suck me off some other time, maybe- and I want to go first because…well, how should I put this…”

Goro felt his body seething with desire the longer Ren dragged his pause.

“You’re a quick learner. But also a very good copycat, as I could see from today’s performance at our date. Excellent job at riling me up, Goro. So…if I blow you first…won’t you try and adapt to my skill level before you give me a blowjob in return? As of right now, I believe you have absolutely no experience…so this might prove to be a good lesson. Not gonna lie though- no matter how well your technique, the lone fantasy of my cock disappearing behind your pretty lips- hmmm. Amazing.”

Ren licked his lips- Goro squirmed.

He didn’t want to agree directly to Ren’s idea- he didn’t want to seem too desperate.

And yet- even the mere imagination on Ren going down on him made him choke-full of desire.

So Goro answered: “But…I thought you were, uhm…going to…penetrate me. Wouldn’t it destroy the point to, uh…have me ejaculate sooner?”

Ren giggled weakly. “I love how shy you are about describing lewd stuff. I bet that’s going to change- I’ll savor in your innocence for now. And to answer your question: no, of course not. Or are you that weak that you wouldn’t recover from cumming once?”

A challenge. This was a challenge. As stupid and dumb as it was placed, Goro latched onto it.

“I’m joking, though. You wouldn’t be satisfied from a single blowjob- and I daresay that’s still part of the foreplay. Soooo…only half the fun, but double the satisfaction? Sounds like a good deal to me.”

Goro was still fidgeting.

Ren’s features softened. “Hey, if you don’t think you’d like that, I can go straight to prepping you, if you prefer that. No problem. Really- I just thought it’d be more fun.”

“Fun, huh.”

“Sex is a good stimulant to your brain.”

“Please don’t get nerdy in bed.”

Ren barked a laugh. “Says the right one!”

He slung his arms around Goro’s waist, toppling them over. Again, Goro was buried underneath Ren’s body- and he felt like it was his favorite kind of weight.

Yeah, he was a goner.

Hands cupped his cheeks, a mild smile was thrown his way. “I’ll listen to what you wanna do. So tell me. I’m up for anything.”

Goro gulped.

Well, no one got far in life without daring a few things here and there, right?

“Alright. You can…you may do as you please.”

“Sorry, I don’t understand. I need a more specific instruction.” The fucker was playing with him, Goro knew it.

“I said”, Goro repeated, gathering himself, “I order you to suck- my dick. Clear enough?”

Ren’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Anything for you, my dear. Your wish is my command.”

“You cheeseball.”

“You know you like it.”

Goro shoved his face away. “Go and get to work, idiot.”

Ren gently backed off, sliding downwards.

“Oh, I will. You ready?”

The brunet took a deep breath. “Of course.”

He closed his eyes. Gentle hands started fingering with the tight knot of the sash holding the pure, white robe together, and as soon as the air coldly kissed his stomach, Goro knew he was bare- full and entirely on display.

He shivered.

“It’s okay.”

A kiss was pressed onto his stomach, nearly making him groan. He felt warm fingers travel up and down his sides, leaving a hot trail behind as they grabbed his hips. Another kiss was placed on each side of his pelvic, those places searing hot under Ren’s gentle touch.

“I wish you could see how beautiful you look in my eyes. An otherworldly beauty, Goro. I know I’m steering into sap territory again- but it’s true. I wish you knew. I wish you could appreciate yourself the way I do. Well, if all goes well, I’ll treasure you until you can do it on your own. And even then I won’t stop.”

Ren placed more kisses on his stomach, a sneaky tongue licking around his navel- Goro’s hand lashed out, grabbing hold of Ren’s hair and tugging it in an attempt to tell him to hurry up.

“You should open your eyes for the next show, Goro. Or else you’ll miss it- and I bet it’s a sight to see.”

Ren traveled further down- his kisses leaving yet another hot trail behind- and then, with a soft whiff of air, Goro knew he’d reached his dick.

He was aware he’d already grown hard thanks to all of Ren’s mind-losing-kisses, though his cock wasn’t fully erect yet.

Ren made it his task to change that, though.

“Open your eyes, Goroo~”, he sung, amused, as if this was some sort of game. Goro suppressed the shudder on the first touch of a hand on his dick, on the soft caress of his balls- fuck, did Ren just kiss him there?

Curiosity killed the cat, Goro knew, but he had to see this.

As soon as he opened his eyes and his gaze travelled downwards, Ren came into motion. Goro was given one merciful grin before-

Before Ren’s tongue darted out and licked over the tip of his dick.

Goro jolted- but he was kept firmly in place as a hand steadied him by the hips, digging slightly into his skin. That didn’t stop his blood from rushing downwards, though.

Or his entire mind from spinning in the most pleasant way as a raspy moan escaped him.

“Nuh-uh. Can’t have you jumping all over the place before the show begins.”

Ren opened his mouth again, and Goro- shocked by his actions, and yet unable to take his gaze away- watched as Ren did not, in fact, lick over the soft tip of his dick again-

Instead, pushed his mouth downwards.

A series of hot flashes bolted through Goro’s body, and he nearly yelled at the overstimulation- fuck, he could cum right then and there- but he didn’t want this to be over yet. His mind grew hazy- his breathing grew erratic- but he could still make out the fucking smile Ren wore as he looked up, could feel the way his damn lips and his cursed mouth pressed further downwards, and Goro was sure that despite this all, he was still fucking smiling, was still grinning, fuck, _fuck-_

His hand had found its way into Ren’s hair again, yanking lightly and yet demandingly, as his entire mind focused on the single way Ren felt around him-

Fuck, as if it wasn’t stimulating enough to have a hot, searing mouth around his dick- the velvety sensation engulfing him- the bastard had the audacity to use his tongue-

One gentle scrap with Ren’s teeth, and Goro came with a muffled cry.

He couldn’t hold himself back anymore- he knew his seeds were spilling out of him, and he desperately wanted to prolong this, didn’t want to cum, wanted to know if it was possible for Ren to swallow him whole-

But thinking about _that_ only made him more excited, and suddenly, white-hot pleasure crashed down on him as a loud, long groan broke free of his throat, his mind growing blank.

When he was able to level his breathing and calm himself down again, Goro dared to let his gaze travel downwards anew. He’d closed his eyes when pleasure had overcome him, overriding his senses- and he was aware that he’d moaned obscenely, but he couldn’t care.

Ready to see his sticky mess, he was surprised to…see only a few drops here and there, but no actually sign of his-

Wait.

Something dawned on Goro, knowledge of what must have happened- and looking at the Cheshire like grin on Ren’s face, happily pressing his cheek on his upper calve-

“Did you- did you _swallow-“_

“Your cum? Mhm, you were tasty. A bit bitter, though.” Ren’s tongue darted out, lewdly licking one of his fingers.

“Didn’t think you’d last long, but I thought you’d put up more of a fight- well, you’ll grow used to it sooner or later. Were you aware I stroked you through your orgasm, or did you black out entirely?”

So that was why he’d licked his fingers. Goro’s brain was still whirring into motion, unable to say anything.

“Adorable, though. And your cry? Fuck, that was sexy. Next time we’re doing this you should scream my name, though.”

“You- go wash your teeth right. This instant. Right this instant!” Goro was finally able to form words, though his mind still felt like it was stuck on some sort of carusel, and his chest rose and sunk erratically.

“Huh?”

“I-if you wanna kiss me again, you’re not- you’re not doing that with that mouth. I don’t think that was- healthy- is that even okay?!”

“Don’t freak out, babe.”

“Brush your teeth! Don’t you dare kiss me with that filthy mouth!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Ren pried himself off of Goro’s naked calf, stretching himself as he got up. “At some point, you’re going to stop caring about this…hopefully. Would be a pain in the ass to brush my teeth every time I drink you up. Or lick…something different.”

“I- are you an omnivore?!”

“No”, Ren laughed, skipping out of the room and disappearing into the bathroom, “I thought you knew that?”

“W-well, then what was this about-“ His heart was still on a mad goose chase, unable to calm down.

The image of Ren slowly swallowing him- it burned into his mind, and if that wasn’t stimulating enough, thinking that Ren had swallowed him- he became unable to think of anything else- fuck. Fuck.

Not even his wet dreams had been capable of making him cum so fast.

Or feel…all these things.

And this wasn’t even the main thing.

Fuck. Would his heart even be able to take this?

“Just- ah well, in the course of our relationship, you’ll probably find out. Or not- depends on whether you’re willing to try, I guess.”

Ren had returned, seeming as nonchalant as ever- and suddenly Goro felt stupid for being so excited and coming that fast. Clearly someone else hadn’t riled this up as badly.

Dang it.

He was even fully dressed- sure, that meant Goro could undress him, but-

_Oh._

Goro could undress him.

With his mind still cloudy, recovering from his orgasm, he sat up- and with a strength neither of them knew he possessed, he grabbed Ren and threw him against the bed. Luckily, the bed was wide enough to cover Ren even as he lay across of it, or else this could have ended badly.

Before Ren was able to react, Goro had already climbed above him, settling down right on his hips.

Deliberately putting pressure as he tilted himself backwards, Goro elicited a groan out of both of them. Fuck, this friction, this feeling of absolute lust and Ren- it was too delicious, too much.

“I think we talked about this before. That it was unfair how naked I was and how clothed you were.”

_Actually, we didn’t._

Goro shifted even further backwards, feeling the hard pressure of Ren’s groin as he tried to even his voice, calm his erratic heart.

“Must be painful to have your dick confined to your trousers, right?” As Goro said that, he pressed down sharply- and noted with satisfaction the second groan escaping Ren’s lips. Though he himself wasn’t able to suppress his moan, either.

“Oh? Are we losing composure?”

“Fuck, Goro, who taught you this- or wait, let me guess. It’s your insatiable desire for revenge because I seemed so- hnnnnn, no, don’t rub your beautiful ass on my pants, Goro, Goooroo…”

So this was what it was like to have power over the other person, huh? Goro could find himself growing used to this.

And hearing Ren like that? Bliss. Pure bliss.

Goro smiled impishly.

“Just so you know, I hate suspenders. They’re old men style.”

“They certainly don’t keep you from rubbing your ass all over my cock- hey!”

Goro had grabbed one of the cursed suspenders, pulling it away slightly- they were fit tightly on Ren’s body- and let it go with a snap.

He was a bit concerned if he’d hurt him, but Ren was…grinning.

“You’re really getting into this, huh? One could think you get off more strongly by teasing me than having your own desires fulfilled.”

“You are my desire”, Goro stated- as if it was simply a fact.

Ren’s eyes widened, his pupils blowing wide- oh, Goro had read about this- this was a reaction upon hearing or witnessing something arousing- pleasant.

Or seeing.

Hm.

“Well, what are you waiting for, then? Unwrap your little present, Goro. Or are you possibly going to make me suffer even longer?”

Goro would never grow tired of the needy, sensual tone Ren’s voice had evolved into.

That the insufferable idiot had the audacity to pull jokes- despite his breathing growing more and more erratic, his cock straining against his pants- well, Goro didn’t like it. Goro wanted him to shut up- to be incapable of forming words anymore.

But he’d get there when he got there. So for now…maybe he should do as he was told.

That took half the fun away, though.

“Hm…Suspenders are so difficult to remove”, Goro hummed, leaning forward and letting his body fall against Ren.

The raven responded by slinging his arms around him.

“It’s actually not. There are these tiny snap things at the back of my pants, just as well as in the front- just loosen them and you can get them off in one swoop. The ones in the front are a bit more hidden than the ones on my back. They’ve been attached afterwards- krh!”

Goro bit the juncture between Ren’s neck and shoulder- quite harshly even.

“That’s not how you leave a hickey, Goro.”

_You still sound turned on, though._

“Not interested in that yet. Just wanted to let my teeth sink into your skin.”

Ren chuckled darkly. “Let me do that on the inside of your thighs. That’s much more arousing than this.”

“Hm.”

Goro snuck his hands around Ren’s back, as difficult as it was- and he felt something small and hard against his hands. These must be the snaps Ren had been talking about. Didn’t they hurt, digging into his back like that?

Concerned, Goro fiddled with them for a while, unsure of what to do.

“Hey, you don’t need to hide if you wanna touch my butt, Goro. But trust me when I say touching it without my pants on is a much better experience than this.”

“Butts, hm?”

“On the topic of butts- fuck, Goro, yours is beautiful even in your pants. I gotta admit I was completely off track during billiards because I was busier staring at the ass you kept on wiggling in my face.”

“Idiot.”

_I’d grow angry if I wasn’t so eager to get you out of your cursed clothing already._

With a click, the snapbacks came off- and Goro quickly took care of the suspenders, flinging them across the room. It earned him a chuckle. “Hey, they were expensive! I couldn’t order cheap shit for our first date, so be gentler with the rest of my clothes.”

Goro frowned. “If you cared so much about your clothes, you wouldn’t be begging me to take them off.”

“I never begged you. I merely stated the simple fact that you may undress me- so you know how much fun it is and don’t ever…get rid of my work beforehand.”

“I’m still wearing a bathrobe.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the real deal. Undressing you had so much teasing potential. Though I guess…the bathrobe has some advantages, too. Like… _this?”_

A hand snuck under the robe, and before Goro knew what was happening, it darted down his sensitive back- digging into the flesh of his ass with a squeeze.

“Ah!” An embarrassing sound made it out of his mouth, and Goro would have collapsed if he hadn’t been sprawled on Ren’s body in the first place.

“Do you like that? I was afraid you’d swat me for it. Hm…The reaction was positive, though.”

A second hand cupped his other butt cheek, and they squeezed together now- causing Goro to lose control entirely, a wheeze escaping him.

“Hmmmm…”

One of the curious hands begun travelling up and down, caressing his cheek gently- pinching here and there.

It was so embarrassing, because it felt like being strung like an instrument- everytime Ren did something, Goro had absolutely no control over what kind of sound escaped him. He could sink into the ground and disappear. But strangely, he didn’t want the feeling to end. Maybe because it was Ren- well, nevertheless, he hid his embarrassing squeaks in the fabric of Ren’s shirt. He was making odd noises upon the next caresses and pinches now- breathy, short moans, cries of pleasure every time Ren squeezed a little tighter and dug his fingers strongly into his skin-

_Fuck, I’m losing my fucking mind before we even started-_

“Stop teasing”, he demanded in a rare moment of breath, in the rare moment he felt like he’d been able to reach the surface of the ocean he’d willing thrown and drowned himself into.

Teasing fingertips pressed into his skin, traveling left and right. “Okay. Just filing this information away for later.”

The hands disappeared- and Goro didn’t want to focus on the feeling of disappointment. He had a different task to finish, after all.

He was finally able to lift himself up again, the strength returning to his bones.

Ren looked debauched, but then again- Goro was sure, he did, too. The detective must have been tugging at the raven’s hair without being aware, because it looked even messier than usual, and while Ren was wearing a smirk, his eyes and the light pressure against Goro’s leg told him how aroused he really was.

“You _really_ need to get out of your clothes, idiot.”

“Now?”

“Yes?!”

“Hm…what would happen if I kept them on?”

“Then I’ll lose what little bit of strength I’ve gathered back entirely and you will remain with this-“

Goro’s hand boldly darted down, and he pressed his palm against the visible bulge- earning him a hiss.

“-For the rest of the night on your own.”

“We can’t have that, can we?” Ren sounded a little breathless- good.

“No.”

“Well, get on with your task, then. You seem to suck at it, because it’s been hours and I’m still dressed.”

An angry growl escaped Goro’s lips, and he wanted nothing more than tear Ren’s shirt apart to show him who _really_ sucked here- but this was a Military Sweater. He couldn’t just tear it apart, fantasies be damned.

Grumbling, he grabbed the sweater from the bottom, telling Ren he’d have to help him- as much as he hated to admit it.

The raven only grinned, helping him by shuffling out and then- Goro flung the sweater across the room.

“Hey, I mean it when I said they were expensive!”

“And I mean it when I say you still wouldn’t give a fuck. Be mindful of what you wear to our next date, if it really is all that important to you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think I’d get laid tonight. Next time, I promise to wear something you can strip off me in one smooth motion.”

The damn teasing was back.

Goro pouted. It didn’t help that Ren was still wearing some sort of tank top under his sweater- Goro would have to get rid of yet another layer before he could see Ren’s glorious body in its full view.

“Hey, I didn’t mean that seriously. You can fling my clothes however you want.” Ren dropped the suave charmer’s façade to soothe Goro’s worries.

_Idiot._

Without replying, Goro sat up again, shuffling downwards.

He could get rid of the pants first, then. Ren’s naked arms were…extremely distracting.

Not to mention trained. Not so much like those hideous bodybuilders from TV, but more natural- strong, toned arms from working out for years and taking on various jobs.

It explained how he was able to lift Goro earlier, despite them being nearly the same height and weight.

_Anyway. Back to the task at hand._

Goro pulled the zipper down- fuck, that bulge must hurt, and yet he kept on prodding and poking Ren’s arousal because it had been- fun.

Oh, well. No time for regrets now.

Besides, judging from Ren’s growls, he was definitely enjoying it.

With the barista’s cooperation, it was easy to slide the pants down- though Goro had to abandon his favorite seat, situated right on Ren’s hips for that.

He still flung the jeans away, but with much less force than the other clothes, and it fluttered down not even a few feet away.

“Aw, Goro, you really are allowed to throw them with as much hate and disdain as before.”

Goro ignored the question in favor of another.

“Why on earth are you wearing brand underwear?”

Ren shrugged.

“Just thought you wouldn’t appreciate me running around in cheap underwear.”

“And I’d know what you were wearing _how?”_

The raven grinned sheepishly. “I’d tell you?”

“When did you _ever-“_

“Fine, okay. So I might…I might have suggested coming here because I had hoped, somewhat…that it’d end like this.”

To say Goro was shocked was an understatement.

“What?”

“Well, it wasn’t anything…solid. People usually say ‘Don’t ever have sex on the first date’ but like. Whatever. Fuck the rules- oh shit, not another pun, sorry. Anyway, I just thought…maybe we’d be in a good mood during the date, and then- then we’d somehow begin talking about sex or something- or we’d be making out on the couch-“

“Hold on a second. You were wearing brand underwear because you were hoping to have sex with me from even before we had this date planned?”

“I mean, not exactly- I just felt it was a good idea to order them, anyway- but…sort of? Look, I’m-“

“And then, when it _actually_ goes your way and I desperately fling myself at you, you refuse?”

Ren squirmed under his gaze. “Some people say I’m an overanalyzing idiot?”

One of Ren’s hand slipped towards Goro, cupping his face and stroking lovingly over his cheeks. Though the lust was obvious from the bulge in his underwear, there was worry and anxiety speaking in Ren’s eyes now.

That’s why Goro pushed the hand on his face away in favor of aiming for Ren’s lips. A muffled noise escaped the raven, but he gave in soon- and when Goro carefully requested entrance with his overeager tongue, Ren all but eagerly took him in, letting Goro run wild in the wonderful heat of his mouth, breathy gasps and moans escaping them as their saliva mixed, and their taste intermingled.

So Goro was an adept learner- hm. Maybe there was some truth in that.

When he stopped sweetly torturing Ren, he broke off their kiss with a lewd, smacking sound, watching with satisfaction at the trail of saliva that dripped down, landing on Ren’s face. With a swift move of his thumb, he wiped it away, but the absolutely debauched look on his lover’s face remained.

“If you ever think of unnecessary things like that again, I’m punishing you.”

Dumbstruck, Ren only stared in response, opening his mouth once again- but no words came out, and as his lover licked over his lips in a sorry attempt to catch his breath, new saliva gathered at the corner of his mouth.

Goro licked it off, pressing his tongue back into the cavern of Ren’s mouth rather violently before immediately drawing back again and leaving Ren panting.

“Somehow, this feel more like a reward than a punishment…”

“That’s because no matter what you say, you are somewhat of a masochist.”

Soft laughter spilled forth of Ren’s lips, deliciously red now.

Though, Goro supposed- judging how his own lips were throbbing, he must’ve been a very good mirror at the moment.

“Stop holding back, Ren. I mean it- not only now, but also in the future. If your dick tells you to fuck me, well- just ask me before and search for a good place- and do it. I don’t-“

“Bold words for the virgin.”

“This ‘virgin’ won’t be a virgin anymore when the night’s over, idiot” Goro hissed, and the mischief reappeared in Ren’s eyes- much to Goro’s delight.

“Anyway- this is the opposite of what all those books and movies and whatnot say, but- stop thinking so much. Give in to your desire a little- ignore reason and logic. Please. If you ever go too far, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you.”

“You would? Are you sure?” Oh no, the mischief was disappearing-

“I didn’t hesitate to punch you when you insulted my stupid pride once, remember? I wouldn’t hesitate to punch you again if you were behaving indecently. I’m not that weak- not a porcelain puppet you have to be afraid of holding- but I know…why you think I am. I only ever showed you my weak and worst sides, after all.”

Now it was Goro’s turn to deflate. “I’m the reason for all your insecurities. I know. Which is why…I want to- hey!”

Suddenly, the room lurched- Goro was pinned against the bed, a single hand holding both of his wrists tightly together above his head.

Ren’s other hand stroked over Goro’s mouth.

“No, I don’t want to hear that.”

Ah yes, the flame of desire was lightning up in Ren’s eyes- nice.

Putting himself down- even if Goro had truly meant what he said- always triggered Ren, after all.

“I don’t want you to apologize. You’ve never brought me anything but joy, Goro. Sure, there were some tough times, too- we both know. But…in the end, we found our way back. That’s not the reason I’m behaving so stupidly- you’re never at fault for my brain going haywire. So from now on, I want to fulfill your wishes instead- the same way you complied to fulfill mine today. I know it’s selfish of me, but it makes me happy-”

“Complying to my every wishes is the opposite of being selfish yourself, you are aware?”

A smile tugged at the corner of Ren’s lips. “Yes. Let me guess: you want me to be more selfish in the same way I want you to be. Funny how we complete each other and rile each other up by doing the exact opposite thing our partner desires, isn’t it?”

“Hmpf.” Goro was smirking now, too. “Yes, indeed- funny. So how about- we throw all the heavy talk out now, and focus on…pleasure?”

“Don’t bat your eyes all seductively like that, Goro. I’m weak to it.”

“Well, you got me pinned against the bed. Earlier, you were at my mercy- at times, at least-“

“But now the tables have turned, huh?”

“Or maybe I was hoping it’d end up like this all along, and you played right into my hands.”

“Not even you, a detective, would think that far ahead.”

Goro was bluffing, yes, it was true. But damn, he wouldn’t admit to it.

“If you doubt my strategic skills, maybe you should think back on our sweet little chess games- I always ended up winning, after all, because I had the foresight you didn’t. I’m sure that…when it comes to, how do they say? Popping the cherry? I’d have enough skills to plan ahead, too.”

“Hm…Well, do you still want the honor of stripping me bare?”

The brunet grinned. “Gladly.”

As soon as Ren’s tank top was flung away, Goro marveled at the sight of his body. Of course he’d seen glimpses of it here and there- he knew Ren was trained. But being presented with it at full display, a Goro Akechi exclusive right?

Well, let’s just say Goro was more than just reveling.

Ren’s skin was smooth- Goro’s hands travelled up and down, drawing a map of his body in his mind so he wouldn’t forget- wouldn’t ever forget what it felt like, what it looked like.

His hands stopped above Ren’s nipples.

The raven sighed. “Oh, you’re going to tease me, are you no- hnnn…”

As he spoke, Goro pinched one of the pink buds- and felt like a child being handed his favorite toy upon seeing the reaction on Ren’s face. He seemed so concentrated, so focused- but he was biting his lips, had closed his eyes as a suppressed moan made its way out of his throat, and Goro could imagine the thin shine of sweat on his forehead forming as the brunet went and pinched his nipple a bit harder this time.

Ren buckled under the touch, nearly losing his balance and crashing down on him- especially as Goro begun twisting his other nipple simultaneously. Ren’s face was positively red now, gasps of pain and pleasure escaping him undeterredly, his arms shaking in an effort to keep his weight distrubited.

_I take back what I said about your normal voice being music to my ears. This is true music, one that sears right into my very being._

_Or maybe all of it is- every sound you make, I want to burn into my very soul, and I want to hear nothing else but you._

When Goro closed his mouth around one of the buds and licked, it felt like a final blow to the raven’s composure- he collapsed, barely able to roll himself onto the side so he wouldn’t crush Goro under the impact of his crash- though Goro really wouldn’t have minded.

He was still writhing when his lover, with an evil grin, sat on his stomach and pinched on.

“Goro, Goro, Goro, this is unfair- you know that area is sensitive-“

“Only if you feel aroused, though. Sure, you might yelp if someone else accidentally elbows them or pinches them- but this?” Goro’s voice was a silky purr, innocent and yet sensuous all the same as he twisted the nub particularly harsh.

Ren cried out, but he panted heavily as he did so- barely able to form a noise.

“This is an exclusive reaction, limited to myself, I hope.”

Ren lifted his arm, using his hand to swipe away the hair that had fallen onto his face. “Oh, trust me it is…I wouldn’t let anyone else touch me like that.”

Goro narrowed his eyes, looking down on Ren’s face so as to not miss a reaction.

“No one else?”

Ren smirked. “Only you. Why, got a problem with that?”

 _No,_ Goro thought.

Instead of replying, however, the feverish need to claim Ren’s body all to himself crashed down on him like a huge wave. This was his- this belonged to him. No one else was allowed to do this- no one but Goro.

But the exclusive right wasn’t enough. Goro wanted to leave a proof- no, more than just one proof- many- similar to the bite he’d left on Ren’s skin earlier.

_I want to tarnish you in my color._

“Tell me how to leave a hickey.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

Goro was possessed with the need to paint Ren- to dirty the untouched, silky pure skin and watch it change colors with each and every one of Goro’s hickeys, or one of his bites. It was a little bit like roulette- if Ren’s reactions pleased him, Goro left a hickey- but if he was too composed, too cool or daresay, pulled a joke- Goro sank his teeth into the skin, relishing in the pained groans escaping Ren’s mouth, lips, throat- anything that contained the will to form and make noise of his primal desires lashing out.

He was sort of concerned he was hurting the raven- even though he _did_ hold back when it came to biting down- but when Ren sank a hand into his hair and pulled him into a violent kiss, spitting the command for Goro to do whatever he pleased-

Well, Goro found it hard to feel concerned after _that._

Not to mention the wild look on Ren’s face made him go insane.

When he was satisfied with tainting Ren’s body, he sat back and observed his work. Ren’s entire neck was covered in hickeys- he was sensitive there, and Goro loved the feeling of Ren withering under his soft kisses before violently biting down, then sucking the skin to leave a double mark. He never forgot to kiss it in apology, though- as hypocritical as it felt.

It’d be difficult to hide his neck, even with a high collar- but Ren merely smirked, telling Goro he wouldn’t dare to.

_Good._

His shoulders and breast were covered in a few bite marks, too. Leaving hickeys there turned out to be a bit more difficult than expected. Still, it hadn’t made Goro stop- eagerly, he followed Ren’s tips, so there was a trail on Ren’s entire upper body covered in hickeys, too.

Goro hadn’t been bold enough to go further down, though, and as he contemplated whether he should try doing something with Ren’s lower abdomen- the room spun, and he was pinned against the bed once again.

“Had your fun, huh?” Ren’s voice was still breathless, needy gasps escaping him, his chest rising and falling erratically. His eyes, though- they seemed to burn a hole into Goro’s soul, piercing him and making him freeze on the spot- all too eager to surrender.

“It’s my turn now. And you know what?” A hand grabbed his chin, tilting it upwards so their gazes interlocked- not like Goro was able to look away, anyway.

Or that he’d have wanted to take his look away.

“I changed my mind. You were so fucking sexy earlier, all I can think about is watching my cock disappear behind your pretty, needy lips.”

Goro shivered, closing his eyes to suppress a moan rippling its way through his body as images filled his brain.

“If you ever grow used to it, I’ll give you the rough program- and take you how I like it. But that’s not what we’re doing now.”

The lustful beast disappeared, and the gentle Ren Goro knew came back.

His boyfriend lifted himself up, moving away. Goro was half-confused he’d up and leave, panic beginning to creep into his mind-

But then Ren threw him a smile, beckoning him closer. Goro followed the command wordlessly.

“Would you be willing to try a blowjob?”

Goro looked down at the bulge barely being held back by the ridiculous underwear he’d forgotten to fling off of Ren. Technically, he was still wearing his bathrobe, too, but it didn’t help to conceal him anymore- it just fluttered around him like a veil, and Ren seemed to be too much into it than he’d been bothered to strip it off.

“I won’t be able to deliver a superb performance, but…”

Well, thinking about swallowing Ren’s arousal was really…

_Hot._

Goro swallowed, his mouth watering at the thought. He nodded to express his enthusiastic consent once again, itching to tear the stupid underwear away now. Ren noticed his impatience, laughing as he patted Goro on the head. “This won’t be too long, so don’t get too excited. I don’t want to come.”

“What? Then why-“

Ren leaned down, his voice lowering to a whisper. “Don’t you think it’s hotter if the first time I cum will be inside you?”

A full body shiver was his reply, alongside a raspy gasp.

Satisfied, Ren leaned back, a mischievous smile on his face. “I’ll tell if you do something wrong or you’re being too rough on me, so that you know whether you’re doing a good job or not. Just- I guess remember to hollow your cheeks when you go down, and try to keep your teeth away. A little nudging is fine, but too much teeth is more of a turn off and hurts. And I think you used them plenty when you left bite marks all over me, right?”

Goro crossed his arms.

“So I only put my mouth around your dick and- stick it down my throat?”

Ren dissolved into laughter. “Sort of, yes. But- don’t go too far? I’m not saying this to trigger you, but because you should be careful of your reflexes. Choking on my dick will be painful for both us, and it’s not really enjoyable, either.”

“Whatever. Are you quite finished yet? I think your libido must be weeping in pain by now.”

“My libido is definitely in pain, but I’m telling you to take what I said to heart or else this won’t be fun.”

Goro rolled his eyes. His fingers grabbed the stretchy material, and with a bit of help on Ren’s side, he pulled them down completely, tossing them away before fully taking in the sight.

And, fuck. The sight.

Goro could imagine how painful it must have been to keep wearing underwear the entire time, when Ren’s cock was all but weeping for some sort of release. It was red, redder than the skin on Ren’s chest, with the blood rushing down continuously and fully erecting it. Precum was glistening on the tip, and Goro wondered how he hadn’t noticed the stain on Ren’s underwear.

It looked like a trophy to Goro’s eyes, and he was all but eager to try and get his hands on it. He hadn’t ever touched anyone else besides himself from time to time- and even those touches were miniscule, so he wasn’t sure what to do.

So he did what he usually did when it came to such a situation: let his instincts guide him.

He laid down and crawled closer, until the top of his head thudded against Ren’s lower abdomen. He never took his eyes off the prize, though- not even to look up and see Ren’s aroused smile.

Carefully, Goro put his hand on Ren’s cock, stroking lightly as he guided his hand up and down. Ren hummed quietly, but it sounded lewd in Goro’s ears, if mixed alongside the squelching sounds of precum being spread over his cock.

Goro found the vein providing blood to the area, thick and striking against the other parts of Ren’s flesh. Curious, he lowered his head, leaving a long stripe atop of it with his tongue- and relished in the melodious hum Ren made in response, the twitch his body gave away.

Alright, so, uh. Precum didn’t taste much like anything, and licking someone’s dick wasn’t ever something he thought he’d do, but-

The idea of eliciting forbidden sounds out of Ren was too good than to hesitate and mull over what Goro was doing any longer.

“Oh, a little hint: you can keep using your hand for where you won’t be able to reach if you- ah!”

Goro begun leaving kitten licks all over the tip of Rens’s head, leaving particularly long stripes from underneath. He lapped Ren’s precum up in the same moment that he began spreading his saliva over Ren’s pitiful, formerly constrained cock.

Soon, his mind shut off, pleasure and lust overtaking his systems entirely as Ren hummed on and on, some hums more raspy than others- so Goro gave in and lowered his mouth downwards, hollowing his cheeks and doing his best to keep his teeth away like Ren had advised him to.

It felt- so different, to have something thick and sturdy in his mouth that wasn’t Ren’s tongue. He’d barely swallowed the tip, but Goro actually felt like he was at his limits, with his lust being taken to unspeakable levels as he enveloped Ren’s arousal in the cavern of his mouth, never to let go of again. He begun stroking where he couldn’t reach, and Ren’s contented hums begun to form a melody in his head.

“Hmm, this feels so good, Goro…you’re doing great…Why does your mouth feel so hot around me, fuck, fuuuuck…” Ren’s groan was prolonged as Goro dared prodding further downwards, his tongue lapping along wherever it could reach, his fingers slick and slippery on Ren’s dick.

A hand grasped his hair- Ren was panting. “Don’t go further babe, don’t, don’t…”

Goro wanted to ask why and forgot what he was currently occupied with, so instead of forming words, a hum escaped his throat around Ren’s cock, making the raven moan.

“Don’t talk, Goro, don’t- you’ll hurt yourself…Fuck, I could stay like this forever…Can’t wait to see what you’re like in a few weeks…months…years…”

Ren babbled on, but since Goro hadn’t been sure whether what he was doing was making the former feel good or not, at least he had his confirmation now.

“Don’t forget to breathe…”

Oh, whoops.

Slowly, Goro slid off, his mouth disconnecting of Ren’s dick with a smooth pop- but he wasn’t finished quite yet. He began spreading kisses atop of it, sheepishly tilting his head upwards to inquire: “Am I doing good?”

The look on Ren’s face and his harsh pants told him all he needed to know. And- the thin shine of sweat on his forehead?

Definitely there now.

“Do you feel good when I do this, Ren?” Goro asked oh-so-innocently, careful as he swallowed the tip anew- his answer was a raspy moan.

“Fuck, Goro, fuuuck, of course I do, how could I not- fuck, the sight of this, aahhhh, sweet, sweet torture…”

A hand was placed on his forehead, gently pushing him away- Goro understood the sign, and while he’d wanted to bring Ren to his climax and listen on to the harsh melody of his pants-

Well, to have his lover’s first orgasm of the night ripple through the both of them sounded…oddly special.

Slowly, he popped off, pressing a last kiss to the tip before sitting up and tilting his head at Ren.

His boyfriend had closed his eyes, panting harshly- and Goro laid a hand on his shoulder to help him calm down.

Though he _was_ elated to see into what kind of mess he could turn Ren into.

Soon, Ren gathered his composure, opening his eyes with a smile. The redness of his cheeks and the sweat forming on his forehead didn’t disappear, though.

“You okay?”

“More than okay.” Ren leaned in to kiss him, but was violently blocked off by two panicked hands covering his mouth.

“Mmph?” he asked, confused, looking up at the bewildered expression on Goro’s face.

“Uhm, I, uh…Did you forget where my mouth was mere seconds ago? Are you really sure you wanna kiss me before I brush it-“

Ren’s eyes crinkled, and Goro could feel the chuckle escaping his lips. Soon, his hands were pried off.

“Babe, I don’t give a single fuck where your mouth’s just been. If you think about being hygienic all the time, you won’t get far here. But if you do feel uncomfortable with kissing me after you licked and sucked my dick- well, I’ll wait for you to brush your teeth, as ridiculous as it is.”

“But…you don’t care? I mean, they’re not my fluids-“

“Saliva is also a fluid, and you swallowed mine when we french kissed, too, the same way that I swallowed or came into contact with your saliva. Not to mention how you eagerly lapped it all up, too- seriously, I need to see you swallow my cum- ah, wait, I’m trailing off. Anyway, what’s the big deal?”

“Well…You have a point there.”

“Soooo?”

“You may kiss me, you idiot-“ Ren smothered the rest of his sentence in a kiss, drowning his upcoming laughter and converting it into a needy moan as Ren’s tongue darted out to claim the cavern of his mouth to himself all over again.

Breathing heavily, they parted, and yet Ren had the audacity to grin.

“Should we move to the main act?”

Goro rolled his eyes. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Laughter filled the air, and Ren gently pushed Goro backwards. The brunet knew what question was coming next.

“Do you want to strip the bathrobe? I don’t really mind, but it’ll probably get dirty or-“

“No”, Goro replied firmly, watching Ren carefully, “You like it on me, don’t you? Sully it. _Taint it.”_

Desire flickered up in Ren’s eyes, a wicked grin appearing on his face. “Hmmm. Alright. Put this under your beautiful butt, though.” He handed Goro a cushion, and the brunet complied.

Ren grabbed the small bottle of lube from the nightstand, about to open it when-

“No”, Goro protested, surging up and grabbing the lube as well as the hand Ren wanted to slick up. He looked confused- unsure if he’d misunderstood Goro, if he wanted to stop, when-

Boldly, Goro sucked one of Ren’s digit into his mouth, sucking and licking on it lewdly. With a smirk, he took note of Ren’s full body shudder, and the way his boyfriend’s gaze was glued onto him as he sucked in a second finger.

_That’s right. Don’t you ever dare to take your eyes off of me for even a minute._

After thoroughly soaking all of Ren’s digits in his saliva, aware what he’d done was unnecessary- he noted with pride the lust-ridden look on Ren’s face, the way his pupils had blown even wider.

He cursed. “You know saliva isn’t lube, Goro.”

“Oh, I am well aware. I just wanted…to have the honor of soaking your fingers with myself first before you slick them up.”

His reply earned him a groan- one that sounded as painful as it was aroused. “One day, your seeming innocence will kill me, you absolute evil…”

“Hm? _Whatever_ could you be talking about?”

He was pushed back onto the bed, and he relished the hungry look in Ren’s eyes.

“I’d tell you to not be nervous, but…”

“Oh, no need. I’m also aware of the fact you’ll immediately stop as soon as I tell you to or squirm awkwardly. Go ahead, Ren.” Since there wasn’t anything he could grab on Ren, he pulled him down by his hair, earning himself a violent hiss as their foreheads collided.

He all but dared his lover to a challenge. “Make me yours. And don’t you dare stop unless I tell you to.”

Ren didn’t need to be told twice. After one last kiss, he surged up again, slicking his hand with the lube Goro handed him rather reluctantly. He was chided for it- he’d get hurt, Ren claimed, but the brunet couldn’t find it in himself to care.

All that he knew was that he was coming closer to the goal of seeing Ren go absolute insane.

“Ready?” Ren asked again, before one of his hands travelled downwards, brushing past Goro’s newly erect cock.

“For you? Always.”

It was strange, the feeling of a digit pressing against his rim. It was such an unknown feeling- Goro actually squirmed, hating himself for his reaction- but Ren soothed him with a kiss on the forehead. “Psshh, Goro. Don’t hate yourself. That’s a normal reaction- heck, I was worse when I first had sex, actually. This feeling is so weird- and intruding, right?”

Normally, he hated how much Ren talked, but this time around- it actually helped him focus back and…relax.

Though he did hate the fact that he hadn’t been allowed to take Ren’s virginity. But some things couldn’t be helped, and if he focused on his jealousy too strongly, he’d kill the mood.

“You need to loosen up.” The finger wiggled a little, still not inside of him, but prodding around at the entrance, tickling him- a breathy moan escaped Goro, turning into a half-assed chuckle.

_Fine. If I couldn’t be your first, at least I’ll ingrain the day you took my virginity in your mind so strongly, you’ll be unable to ever think of anything else than me._

“Good. Don’t fight it, babe. It’s me. You know it.” Ren continued to shower Goro with kisses, short ones, long ones, licks of his tongues- and suddenly, the brunet felt something press inside of him, unknown and yet familiar, and his first instinct was to wiggle away- to push it out- but he knew whom the finger belonged to, knew what it was trying to do, knew what he _himself_ wanted to do- so he fought against his primal instincts of fleeing and fighting it.

“Nice. Very good. Can I keep going? Or is it too weird?”

Goro shook his head, unable to focus on anything but the intruding feeling, soon dissolving and melting into the soft touch. The finger prodded deeper, deeper- he clenched, tensing, but Ren kissed his worries away, talked him out of the nervousness trying to ruin the moment while asking over and over again if Goro was okay- with that cursed, gentle look on his face.

Soon, he grew used to the feeling of something wiggling inside him- it was still weird, but he begun to grow impatient. He wanted more- something thicker than a single digit inside him.

He wanted Ren.

But he was chided for his eagerness.

“You’re sort of tight, Goro. I didn’t expect anything else, though- do you think you’re ready for the second finger? I promise there’s much more fun awaiting you. And no, I won’t just thrust myself inside you when you’re not even close to being loose, idiot.”

_Well, next time, I guess I’ll have to prepare everything so that you do._

A loving kiss was placed atop his brows- they had furrowed together in an attempt of a frown. It dissolved under Ren’s touch with a sigh.

“Ready?”

He felt the second finger prodding and playing at the rim of his muscles, anticipation surging up inside of him. Soon, it was gently guided inside as well, and the feeling of two unknown intrusions made Goro clench- it made the raven’s breath stutter, something to file away for later- but Ren giggled soon, kissing Goro gently.

“Babe, babe. It’s okay.”

Under Ren’s guidance, he felt his walls give way. Again, he grew used to the feeling of two fingers inside of him- fuck, Ren’s fingers inside him, how could he _ever_ look at his hands without thinking of this again? The feeling was beginning to feel pleasant, even- if he thought about the fact that Ren was already sheathed inside him, in a way, that _fuck, how should I be able to look at your hands every again and not remember-_

Ren, groaning, told him he wouldn’t mind if Goro’s mind was filled with lewd thoughts.

“Goro…wanna experience something that will knock your breath out?”

The brunet thought this meant Ren was adding a third finger- or would thrust two digits in at the same time- but he felt Ren’s fingers part in a scissor-like motion, causing his sensations to grow mad. He moaned, thinking _Is this all you have to offer_ before his breath was knocked out of the park.

“Found it”, he heard Ren grin, as he himself dissolved into nothing but a guttural, obscene moan, hot flashes of pleasure jolting his body- he grabbed the sheets in a vice like grip, biting his mouth in an attempt to ride out what felt like an orgasm rippling through him but its intensity turned up twice fold. He felt himself dissolve, felt himself find peace and madness at the same time- he was barely able to register the words Ren said.

“That, my love…is your prostate. If you ever find mine, I bet I’ll melt away under you the same way. So remember it, okay?”

“You have some guts to pull jokes in- hah!” Goro jolted, more sparks rippling through his body, and he was desperate not to cum all over himself- no, no, this time he wanted to come as soon as Ren was-

He gasped when Ren jammed a third finger in, getting lost in the feeling of ecstasy as Ren made a scissor like motion inside him, pressed gently against his prostate once more-

_Fuck._

By the time he’d realized that he came all over himself, he was too late to stop it. He felt his dick soften- exhausted and finished, probably not being able to recover for a few hours at least- and anger surged up inside him.

“You weren’t supposed to make me-ahhhh…”

It felt like he was stretched to the max as three fingers surged backwards, only to breach through the entrance again, and he all but eagerly took them in.

Fine, if they were playing dirty like this- Goro would do his damn best to make Ren go crazy.

Goro pressed out an obscene moan- one that was partly caused by the fingers moving inside him, overriding and stimulating his lust- but that was only so loud because he amplified it, thinking all over again how Ren’s cock would breach him soon, how Ren would lose his mind, how Ren-

He threw a feverish look at his lover, who was staring fascinatedly, and he cupped Ren’s cheeks, drawing him closer as the fingers moved up and down, pumping in and out of him much faster than before.

“Ren…” The name sounded downright filthy in the tone he’d adapted, and he knew Ren thought the same thing- he twitched, the corner of his lips faltering slightly- but he kept his damn smile on. He wasn’t talking anymore, though, and his pupils were blown wide- so that was a good sign.

_Lose yourself inside of me._

The raven took his sweet time prepping him open, so much Goro had to tell him to move on thrice before Ren relented.

A feeling of loss rippled through him as Ren slowly withdrew his fingers, but the loss would soon be compensated. Through a hazy cloud of lust, he saw Ren rip a small package open with his bare teeth- oh, he’d have to take a picture of that the next time- and then Ren pulled the plastic over his aching dick.

“I’m clean”, he heard the raven distantly say, “I always let Tae check me up from time to time. And I doubt you have anything, but- just to be sure and to follow protocol, we’re doing this the right way.”

How he was able to form words was beyond Goro- all that filled Goro’s mind was that he just wanted to be pierced by Ren, as soon as possible, to sate his throbbing entrance, to sate the burning desire that screamed nothing else but a single name, to calm the heart in his thudding chest.

Goro knew what the next step was when Ren took out the lube again- but he wasn’t going to let Ren prolong this again.

He jolted up, snatching the bottle out of Ren’s hands under loud protest- and poured the smooth liquid mass onto the palm of his hand. Then, he rubbed both of his palms together, flinging the bottle away to where the suspenders lay across the room-

With an obscene sound, Goro’s slick palms connected with Ren’s cock, engulfing it. Ren let out a surprised wheeze before he moaned shamelessly, and his moans only grew louder as Goro began rubbing his hands up and down, soaking his cock in a generous amount of lube.

When he felt satisfied, Goro let himself fall backwards, not without noticing the heavy rise and fall of Ren’s chest with glee. He had half a mind to be careful and position his ass over the cushion again- even if his legs would up winding around Ren’s body, anyway- before his boyfriend all but pounced down on him, causing both of them to groan out.

There was a vicious undertone in Ren’s voice as he hissed: “Fuck, you’re really out to make me mad, are you, Goro?”

The brunet smiled. “I prefer the word ‘insane’, but…maybe? I don’t know what you mean. You just took too long and honestly, I’m- hm?!”

He felt hands on his ass, but instead of caressing or digging into it, they began spreading him apart so slowly, it felt obscene- though technically, anything they were doing here was obscene, anyway, but, ah- Ren was digging his fingers back into his flesh, and Goro happily threw one of his legs on Ren’s shoulder while wrapping the other one around his torso, drawing him closer as he let raspy little moans escape his throat.

Then, there was something thick prodding against his entrance, attempting to breach him.

Slowly, slowly- it was torture, really- he felt Ren sink into him, inch by inch. Ren watched his every movement- his every twitch- but all Goro was capable of was moaning and gasping, unable to think of anything else but-

“Hurry”, he wheezed, “Get inside me, Ren, hurry-“

“Can’t take it anymore?” Goro’s answer was nothing more than a moan as he felt himself be filled up, slowly, slowly- Ren was both breaching and gliding, careful not to go too fast, yet also too aroused than to go too slow, and fuck, _fuck,_ Goro was only capable of thinking what sweet torture it was- all this was- and more gasps and moans escaped his throat in a sensous and yet dirty melody.

“Don’t worry, babe. I’m already- all the way in. Fuck, you’re so tight- I thought I prodded you well- are you doing this on purpose? Are you clenching around me on purpose? Fuck, Goro. Mhm, Goro- you feel so good around me-“ Ren sounded as lost as he did, but Goro wasn’t satisfied- he felt Ren hit home, felt him buried all the way in- but nothing else was happening except Goro growing used to the feeling of something big inside of him, stretching him apart as he grew used to the sparks of flash and lust bolting through him, as he imagined what it’d look like to see Ren’s cock disappear inside himself, fuck, _fuuuuuck-_

“Is this- all you got”, he wheezed out, pushing away the thought of _he’s inside me, Ren’s inside me, he’s-_

“No”, was the only warning he got before Ren declared, “I’m going to move now.”

Slowly, Ren slipped out- and Goro wanted to yell at him for doing so, for ruining the mood-

But any answer vanished in the feeling of Ren sinking back in, thrusting slowly and sensually.

Goro heard himself give away a high pitched moan, one that didn’t compare to any of his sounds from before. All that he was feeling now- was Ren, Ren, _Ren_ \- and he didn’t want the feeling to stop, didn’t want the emotions and the memories flashing through the back of his mind to stop, didn’t want the sparks to disappear-

A hand pushed away the hair obstructing his face, and Ren looked down in concern.

“You okay? Want me to keep going?”

Goro managed a weak nod- he didn’t have it in him to be angry anymore and yell at Ren to hurry up. All he wanted was to feel the peak of his lust and pleasure again, satiated and sparked anew.

Ren nodded, before slipping back out and sheathing himself back in slowly.

“Hurry”, Goro huffed at some point, scratching Ren’s naked back deliberately, hoping he could see the scratch marks later- “Go faster. I’m used to it now- this is getting boring.”

“Is it?”

Ren’s smug smile was all but an indication he was planning something.

When he thrusted back in, Goro’s back arched off the bed, and he poured his entire pent over energy into one obscene moan as hot sparks of pleasure flashed through him- as he heard the memory of Ren confessing his love all over again even though the raven was nothing but moaning- he felt dissociated from his body for a moment, the pleasure too much, and yet not enough- he heard Ren moan alongside him, something about ‘hitting it’ before he became unable to focus again on anything but Ren, Ren, _Ren-_

He didn’t know how, but his dick gave off a weak twitch- unable to squeeze and ejaculate again, but mimicking it in an attempt.

The two of them panted harshly against the bed. As Goro gathered himself, he barked his next order:

“Do that again. And, for fuck’s sake- go faster.”

Ren complied.

His thrusts adapted to a certain speed, faster than the slow movements from earlier- but slower than his fastest attempts, Goro was sure.

No matter, all Goro was able to listen to and focus on were the obscene sounds of their bodies disconnecting and connecting all over again- the slick sounds, their moans, the harsh pants and ragged breathing filling the room- and he wanted more, more, more- this was not enough, this was not the end-

Suddenly, he became aware Ren was babbling again.

“I won’t lose you”, he mumbled, his gaze glazed over in lust, not aware of Goro eyeing him critically.

His movements grew shallow, but faster- his even tempo dropped, and sometimes, he’d bury himself with a bit more strength than he’d ever dared before- not that Goro minded, the sensation of Ren trying to be careful but losing his mind at the same time making him reach new heights of pleasure all over again as Goro continued singing a dirty, forbidden melody. Ren wasn’t holding back anymore, either, his moans all but filling the room’s echo over and over again.

What Gor was really interested in was watching Ren dissolve.

He grabbed Ren’s cheeks, pulling him downwards into a kiss. “What- did- you say?”

“I won’t- lose you-“ A harsh pant, a loud groan.

Then Ren kissed him.

“I won’t let him take you away from me-“

Ren’s thrusts grew sloppy, and Goro clicked his tongue in disapproval- the raven immediately answered with a hard, fast thrust.

“That’s- not going to- happen-“ Goro harshly tugged Ren’s hair, but the raven didn’t even flinch.

“I swear- Goro-“

“Yes?”

“I won’t let you die-“

“This- isn’t- the moment- and of course- I won’t-hah-“

Or maybe it was. Maybe Ren would never say this when he wasn’t losing his mind, his control.

Maybe Goro should shut up and listen.

So he did.

Another thrust, sending sparks of pleasure right down his toes made him almost miss the next line.

“We’ll spend- so many- more days…together- in happiness-“

Goro kissed him. Ren’s gaze was fixed on him now, but his gaze was still hazy as he thrusted in and out, in and out-

“This won’t- be the last time- you- haaaah- have a day off-“

“Of course- not-“ Goro lost himself in a high-pitched moan at the next thrust, but was all too eager to listen on.

“And it won’t be- the last time- you spend a day- relaxed- and happy- and surround yourself with- people you love-“

“Okay?”

“I swear- Goro, I swear-“

“What? What do you- hrrgh, aaaah- swear?”

“I swear- that we’ll make it through this-“ Goro knew Ren was talking more to himself than the brunet at this point, his inner thoughts blasting away-

“Ren-“

“No- no, I won’t- let this be the end-“

“Of course not-“ Goro wasn’t able to catch a breath as Ren sped up, knocking the air out of his lunges, demanding all the fucking love Goro had for him, and Goro wanted nothing more than to give it all up and gather it all anew, give it to him all over again.

“It’s a pledge-“

“What?” Goro’s mind was both crashing down as well as exploding in lust, and yet, nothing would ever make him ignore his lover’s words-

“I swear- on us- that we’ll- haaaaah- have- a future-“

Ren was babbling, and he needed to stop. But also- maybe this was therapeutic for him?

Goro wasn’t sure, so he just let him be.

It was like Ren wanted to make an oath as their bodies came together and dissolved- an oath inscribed into each of them, sealed by them making love. Something that was unable to be taken away as it was seared into their very souls.

Right, that sounded like him. Maybe that was it.

Goro pinched one of Ren’s cheeks.

“We will.” He tried to give Ren a smile, but he wasn’t able to keep it for long as Ren mercilessly thrusted back again, and Goro lost control over the nerves connecting to his mouth, procuring forbidden sounds all over again.

“You sure- you won’t turn into a liar?”

“No, Ren. Not for you.”

“Why?”

The answer was so simple.

“If you come inside me- maybe I’ll tell you-“

Ren’s eyes grew wide- and with one last thrust, buried himself in Goro, both of them dissolving into one guttural moan before Ren all but collapsed against him.

Huh. So even the intoxicated version of the raven heeded to his call.

That was…somewhat sexy.

But only somewhat.

Or maybe it really sexy?

_Fuck, can my brain stop trying to think when its clearly incapable of doing so right now?_

_So much for fucking my brains out, Ren._

Ren was panting harshly, his face buried in the crook of Goro’s neck, but he made no attempt to move- and Goro was fairly sure that his last thrust had made him cum.

He couldn’t be sure because he was too busy listening to the symphony of their shared moan and the sound of their bodies crashing together for one last time.

At some point, he felt Ren move- right, oh, he was still inside him- and slowly, slowly moved out. He had indeed spilled, and Ren tore off the condom quickly, throwing it sloppily into the plastic bag inside the bin beside the bed, before grabbing a few tissues and cleaning up any leftover mess.

Then, he collapsed next to Goro with a grunt.

“That was some mind-blowing sex, Goro. And fuck you- you really made me go mad.”

The brunet giggled, gathering back power and control of his senses, of his body- the body his lover had truly claimed all for himself. “I told you I would.”

“You did. But you haven’t given me an answer yet.” Ren rolled onto the side, his feverish eyes seeking Goro’s gaze and capturing it in place.

“To the question I asked of you. I didn’t forget, in case you thought I was too lost to notice.”

Oh. Hm.

Nothing but pure bliss roamed in Goro’s mind, though, and he was still coming down from his sex induced- high. The words would loll over easily. He was still capable enough of _knowing_ what he was saying, but the intoxication and the giddiness in his bones certainly made it easier to say the things he wouldn’t be able to say otherwise.

And he fucking _wanted_ to say them- they burned in the back of his throat, burned on his tongue, and if he’d been able to, he would have let the raven eat it up- but he knew that wasn’t how this worked, so instead, he had to make use of his words.

“You mean why I wouldn’t turn into a liar and let you lose me?” Goro rolled onto his side as well, so that they could face each other better.

Man, he wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Ren’s eyes for the rest of his life.

And possibly make him look this wrecked over and over again.

“Yes.”

A smile bloomed on the brunet’s face as he cupped Ren’s cheek, cradling it gently and letting their foreheads fall together. He rubbed his nose against Ren- he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt quite as happy and content and-

Warm. For all the fire Ren had caused inside him, there was a warmth spreading in his bones. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t felt like this before the sex- he’d always felt like this with Ren.

Safe, content, happy.

And one day, Ren would hear that when he wasn’t coming down from sex, too.

But he deserved to hear it now, and Goro wanted to let the words rip free already, no matter how much the meaning might get lost in the moment.

It was now or never.

With a last soft press against Ren’s lips, he let the words fall free.

“Because you make me happy. Because…I love you.” His last words were naught but a whisper- but Ren was able to hear them all the same.

What Goro had _not_ expected were the tears, though.

No, he wasn’t the one crying this time.

Oh wait.

Fuck.

When Ren begun to sob, Goro panicked, unsure what he’d done wrong- fuck, fuck, fuck, curse him, what had he done _now-_ he pulled Ren closer, hoping he’d provide comfort to him and was all but taken aback when Ren pressed his lips against him in a feverish kiss.

He reciprocated, of course, but he was worried about seeing Ren- seeing Ren like this, like-

He’d never seen the raven cry, he realized- only felt the dampening of his clothes once. But tears? Ren showing him tears?

“Thank you.”

Similar to himself, the words were a hoarse whisper.

“I’d- I don’t think- I never believed-“

“Ren?”

“I never thought I’d hear you- say it. Fuck, Goro. I love you- I love you so much it hurt me every time I held back telling you. Every time we had conversations with each other or with others- and I didn’t- I didn’t say-“ Ren’s tears were flowing harshly now, and he tried his best to wipe them away and all but failed.

Goro begun helping him, pulling some of the tissues over, fuck, the entire package- and listened on.

“I didn’t say how proud I was- how much I loved you- because I thought it’d be too much for you- I was afraid you’d recoil- not because you hate me or- because you’re not used to the concept-“

“Stop crying, Ren.”

“No!” Well, at least the raven was energetic in his protest.

“These tears- they’re proof of all the times I held back- and didn’t tell you how much you mean to me- even though I should have just come out and said it- because you wouldn’t have recoiled, right? You’d have-“

“What does this have to do with my…confession?”

“Because I’m a coward and you’re not, Goro. You just- said it.”

Goro furrowed his brows. “Was it a mistake?”

“No! No, I mean…I guess I’m just happy- unbearably happy- you came out and said it…considering where we started…”

“I’m sorry I never said it before. It’s my fault you grew this unsure about…telling me your feelings, no matter what you say.”

Ren sniffled. “I love you, Goro.”

“I know.” A beat passed, and Goro closed his eyes, sighing wistfully and succumbing to the feeling of drowning in the ocean of love, and willingly not using his abilities to swim, to surge upwards.

“Me too.”

He opened his eyes again, seeing Ren halt in his crying. Goro kissed the dry trails on his cheeks. “Please don’t spill tears over me again.” It was a selfish request, but he didn’t want to see Ren sad- all he wanted was the feelings they had experienced today to remain in their hearts forever- no tears and no pain.

“I can’t promise I won’t. You make me so emotional, Goro.”

“You really are an idiot.”

“I know.” Ren sniffled. “Can you kiss me?”

Goro didn’t even ask why, claiming Ren’s lips to himself.

When they parted, he felt the urge to say something to wipe the sad look from Ren’s face.

“Look, I…I’m not sure how often I will say that. Like…confess all over again. But…you know I feel like that, right? You’re not doubting it?”

“No…of course not, babe.”

“Okay. Then…do you accept my selfishness?”

A brilliant smile bloomed on Ren’s lips, before he fell into airy laughter. “I accepted that a long time ago, Goro. When we first came back together. I only cried because…I thought it’d take you years to put it in words.”

Goro huffed. “That would have been extremely unfair to you.”

“I wouldn’t have minded.” _Of course you wouldn’t have, you sensitive, caring, stupid idiot._

“Ren, I love you.”

Ren kissed him, laughter spilling forth his lips. “Me too.”

Together, they dissolved into laughter, their hands interwoven tightly. Things would be okay as long as they were together- Goro was sure. Even if all they did was exchange mindless sap stuff that didn’t make sense to anyone but themselves.

And because it felt so good, he whispered the words again when Ren had fallen asleep against his chest, pressing a kiss atop of Ren’s head.

“I won’t let sadness or harm get to you, Ren. You’ve suffered enough.”

Goro held his lover- no, _his love_ \- tightly as he succumbed to the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so if I cut out everything up until as soon as Ren starts FIRST french kissing Goro, that would...make this...14k of...  
> I have no excuses. I have no apologies. I hope you still liked it? I mean, FINALLY GORO CONFESSES WHAT THE FUCK.  
> And also this is the longest fucking smut I've ever written so...tell me your thoughts??? I'm still in shock. I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW LONG THIS WAS AND I'M STILL RECOVERING SO I CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU ALL MY THOUGHTS AS USUAL except that I love how often Ren tried to ask for consent and checked on Goro, and how cheeky Goro behaved and tried his damn hardest to seduce Ren (dumb horny Goro he's already in love, have you forgotten) and I hope you liked how much they stayed true to their own selves even during the whole ass fUCKING LONG SCENE OH MY GOSH I'm gonna...scream into my pillow...BYE  
> I hope I at least got rid off all the spelling errors, if nothing else. BUT I KNOW MYSELF AND I PROBABLY DIDN'T SO I HOPE THIS WAS STILL OKAY OH MY GOOOOOSHH I'm losing my mind.  
> No, seriously. This fic was originally supposed to be a PWP, so I thought one tiny sex scene would make up for the fact that I sort of DIDN'T end up doing that  
> but as always, it escalated.  
> I can't.


	53. The day draws near; the fool gathers his love, his friends, and wit; one last step...

The next morning, Ren was up much faster and with much more vigor and cheer than Goro had ever seen. Goro, meanwhile, was still shifting and struggling in bed- his back hurt a little, his ass, did, too- but much less than he was dramatizing it as.

Ren served him breakfast in bed, pampered him even though he saw right through Goro’s act. He had, after all, even lost to desire and lust, been careful not to hurt Goro too much.

He did his best kissing away any of Goro’s pain, though.

And he didn’t put any clothes on except for underwear until they finally left the house. Not that his grumpy boyfriend minded.

On their way back to Leblanc, they met Lala, and with a knowing look at Ren’s neck (who did absolutely nothing to hide his hickeys, much to Goro’s embarrassment) told him that she was hoping he’d used her present at least.

Ren nodded bashfully, and Goro wasn’t interested enough to inquire what this was about.

In the train, Goro asked whether Ren was okay with the Featherman R Lunchbox being used in the future. “It was…Akira’s present, after all. I didn’t think you’d keep it, actually.”

Ren hummed. “Of course I did. You nearly jumped out of the window to retrieve it- and I know it means a lot to you, even putting aside the fact what a huge nerd you are. But it’s okay- I’m fine with it.”

Goro frowned. “Are you absolutely certain?” His doubt earned him a hair ruffle. “Yes”, Ren smiled, “And I promise…if I ever do grow uncomfortable, I’ll tell you.”

“Good.”

They arrived at Leblanc, surprised to find Futaba and Soijro apparent. The girl was yelling at the console in her hands about “He’s so irresponsible, he should have texted me instead of me needing to trace his location!” before she acknowledged their intrusion.

Her gaze fell onto Ren’s neck, and she squawked.

“You guys _fucked”,_ she yelled, causing Sojiro to nearly drop the plate in his hands and for Goro to wish nothing more than to yell at his stupid self to have held back- but it was too late.

Ren even had the audacity to grin while he confirmed her theory, even grabbing his loose sweater and tugging it downwards. “There’s more-“

Goro yelled, now, too, his face crimson as he swatted his boyfriend’s hands away and let the fabric cover him, but the damage was done.

Futaba let the console fall, her jaw dropping down- before she darted through the door, disappearing into the streets.

Sojiro threw the couple an evil glare. “I _told_ you to keep it on the downlow! Now go search for her, punks!”

Both of them erupted into laughter as they did so.

Later, Goro checked his phone to find the group chat flooded with messages- and quickly found out why: In the morning, when he was still grumpily hiding himself in the sheets, Ren had taken a secret picture of him. Nothing to see but his head and his hair, but from the angle the shot was taken, proudly showing off Ren’s hickey at the back of Goro’s throat and Ren’s additional message of ‘Babe’s tired from an intense night shift’ his friends had all but erupted.

Akira had provoked Ren into showing proof, though, so Goro was granted with the sight of another picture of his boyfriend’s chest covered in marks- accompanied by a proud grin.

The fucker would pay for this.

But Goro also moved the picture into a secret folder on his phone.

Ann had flooded him with messages, and he knew he should answer her first if he valued his life, though.

A lengthy phone call later he was called up by Iwai and forced to abandon Ren’s punishment for work, though.

***

Goro was mad.

Angry.

Annoyed.

Actually, pissed was still the best word here.

“Why on fucking _earth”,_ he wheezed out, “Are you fucking making me carry the same transport boxes…all over the place…The entire fucking time?!”

Frustrated, Goro let box no.4 he carried left and right today- for the entirety of five times already- fall against the ground with a heavy thump, only to lift box no.23 for the third time.

“Seriously, what the fuck?!”

Iwai only laughed. “Gotta test if you’ve got stamina, pretty boy. Cuz you sure ain’t lookin’ like it. I’m impressed ya kept up so far, though.”

Goro suppressed the primal scream waiting in the back of his throat, and instead, glared.

He wouldn’t give Iwai the satisfaction of snapping- even if he really was close to losing it.

“I wouldn’t be able to work on the fucking force if I wasn’t- if I didn’t have a bit of stamina. And I boulder in my free time.”

_And also I fucked my boyfriend last night, so- safe to say I do have some stamina, considering I’m up and running._

_But I’m not telling you that._

A hand rose to Iwai’s chin, and he cupped it in a contemplative manner. The underlying smirk on his face was unhidden to Goro’s eyes, however, so he hissed: “Besides, it’s- not your fucking business to test whether my physical capabilities raise up- to the standard- argh!”

Goro fell back as he placed the box down again, planting himself on the ground of the greasy shop.

_Ouch, that hurt a little._

He hated this place already.

The gun shop owner sneered. “Seems like the Prince has an attitude. I like it. How does the police keep a dog like you on its leash, though?”

Again with the dog metaphor. It was sort of a wound spot to Goro, considering his history, and Ren- who had dropped by sometime in the early afternoon to check on the new work dynamics, the idiot- was about to step in. Some things Goro wanted to take care of his own, however, so he silenced his lover with a simple gesture of the hand.

And not seem like an incompetent wuss in front of Ren, too.

“From what I gathered, you don’t seem very fond of the police.” “No kidding.” “It makes me want to question why.”

Iwai lazily raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, you tell me? I know way more corrupt police officers than stinky Yakuza men. At least they honor the pledge they make, and don’t fall into each other’s back. Makes you question what sort of country we live in, right?”

“Are you questioning the establishment in its order, or in its whole?”

Iwai snorted. “Look, I don’t speak fancy languages like that. I told you I don’t like the police- there’s a lot of incompetent snot around there that doesn’t belong. And to top it off, the hierarchy forces people like you to follow orders without questioning. If they tell you to shoot, you shoot. That’s all I think about it.”

“That’s not quite correct. I am not a police officer, but I am aware that the police gets special trained lessons in where they are trained to think for themselves and assess situations.”

“And you think that matters once they have received a huge amount of money and been bribed to shoot?”

“I do admit, the establishment in itself might be prone to be a bit faulty- but it’s difficult to control humans and the way they think. I do agree that these misdeeds need to be taken care of, but…Would you prefer a country without the police, without any protection- where we would fall back into anarchy? I daresay our current faulty system is better than nothing, but I do agree, as I said, that we need to take care of the vermin.”

_Like Shido._

A huff escaped the older man. Goro was surprised when Iwai pulled down the collar of his turtleneck, revealing his naked skin. A tattoo was plainly visible now, one Goro had glimpsed a few times but didn’t dare to inquire after. He was unsure where this was leading up to.

“You know what the gecko stands for, pretty boy?”

“Well…” Goro wracked his brain.

“Protection of family and home”, Iwai answered, letting the collar snap back into place. “If your system doesn’t ensure my boy can go out and enjoy his life the way he wants- then it will always be a failure to me, no matter how hard you work your butt off. So long as the order in itself could easily be corrupted by someone else’s selfish motives, so long is it a failure and I won’t support it. Call me a fool if you want, for being so idealistic and wishing for a perfect control.”

_I wouldn’t. I feel the very same._

With mild surprise, Goro watched the man rise up from his dingy old stool and walk up to the detective on the ground.

He stretched out his hand towards the brunet.

“But if ya promise me to work towards that goal, and ensure neither Kaoru or stupid Ren there have to worry about getting into trouble again- especially not by bastards like that ugly bald politician who has a fucking dirty mouth- well. I’m on your side, then.”

A smirk settled onto the older man’s face as Goro timidly reached out for his hand.

“I suppose I’ll do my best to- ah!”

He fell to the ground rather inelegantly, because while Iwai had helped him up a little- he also deliberately pushed the detective backwards and sent him tumbling to the ground. Iwai’s laughter echoed through the shop, and even Ren had trouble hiding his smile.

“If yar that gullible, it’ll take a lifetime for a good order to be established, kid. Now go and carry those boxes around some more. Gotta build up some muscles in compensation for your brain.”

This time, Goro did scream- and threw an empty box after the owner, who dodged and laughed wholeheartedly.

And while Goro did fume for the rest of the day, Iwai’s words resonated strongly in his chest, never to be forgotten again.

As well as a promise to drop by again.

***

When the detective was finally able to return, he was much too exhausted than to put up yet another fight, so he merely fell into Ren’s embrace and then into bed.

The next morning, he went to boulder with Akira and Ryuji. Ren tagged along, but kept on snapping more pictures instead of actually participating- something about Goro’s thighs being able to choke him to death and him dying a happy man, and Goro’s beautiful ass up in the air. He only began climbing when Akira and Goro provoked him with various strategies.

Futaba dropped by more often to kidnap Goro into visiting Akihabara with her, or play games at her house- and while Ren was always excluded from these ‘bonding activities’ as the girl liked to call it, Goro made up for it whenever he came back to his lover.

Usually by blowing him. Or being fucked, whatever Ren preferred. Usually it was both. That their sex life had suddenly surged was somewhat concerning to Ann, but Goro didn’t ever wish to refuse whenever Ren asked him cautiously- and he was all but eager to learn and adapt more skills, so safe to say it was still all good.

Ren had the galls to commission Yusuke for a lovely painting that depicted them cuddling naked in the apartment. While Goro claimed he only kept it because he didn’t want to destroy Yusuke’s hard work, he grew giddy whenever he came up into the attic and saw Ren staring at it longingly. Thankfully, Yusuke had refrained from drawing their intimate parts, with them being covered by cushions or linens- but Goro had the faint hunch that Ren had actually sent Yusuke nudes of them.

He was able to find the truth one day when he snatched the raven’s phone and went through their private chat. Luckily, he’d sent Yusuke normal, fully clothed pictures for references.

Obviously Goro was punished back for intruding Ren’s privacy, but it felt like more of a reward to him. Ren had ordered his lover to keep being attached to his skin for the entire day continuously, with the exception being when he had to leave for the bathroom or Ren had to cook or the like- meaning they basically ended up cuddling all day long and annoying their friends with excessive PDA.

The week and months passed by far too quickly, with Ren and Futaba establishing their own circle of close friends while growing closer to everyone altogether. Futaba had found a best friend in Yusuke, while hanging around often with almost all of the girls- Ren had bonded with Morgana and Ryuji, and despite his awful problem of not being able to keep his dirty thoughts to himself, almost everyone grew fond of him.

Not like Goro had expected otherwise.

He was glad to see the twins growing closer with each other, too- Akira had stopped advances on him altogether, but he teased them relentlessly over their relationship. Sometimes, he stole Ren away, apologizing to Goro by telling him he needed some brother exclusive only time- but Goro was happy to cooperate.

Not only because of the making-up part afterwards, of course.

Weirdly, Shiho still hadn’t shown herself in front of Ren, despite invitations being reached out to her- but Goro didn’t pay it too much mind, busier with conjuring smiles on Ren’s face and relishing in these happy times.

In less than a blink, the big day was there, and Goro felt both unprepared as well as awfully confident- but he knew all his friends felt the same. Particularly one raven, who had spent the last few nights awake or being woken by nightmares.

This was the last step- the final one. Goro took a deep breath.

He could to this.

No, that was incorrect.

_They_ could to this.

And when all was over, he would do his damn best to make up for Ren’s anxiety and panic. In a way, it kept him from freaking out himself- he was too busy taking care of Ren instead of being able to focus on his own awful feelings and lose himself.

Ironic.

One more deep breath, and Goro stepped forth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING UP AND I'M SO NERVOUS


	54. The Day appears; he who risks everything, will he win, or lose?

“I need to speak to my father.”

The two goons covering the entrance to Shido’s office- clad in black- didn’t even acknowledge him with a glance. Their arms remained crossed behind their backs, their gazes fixed on some faraway point in the distance.

“Masayoshi Shido is not receiving anyone today. You must be aware it is the day before the election. He does not have time for vermin like you.”

Goro snarled. “I’m not stupid. This is an urgent matter.” Getting inside would prove to be the most difficult, but Goro had an ace up his sleeve.

“We don’t like to repeat ourselves.”

“Are you even aware of who you’re talking to?”

“We are aware you are his son, but Master Shido has told us not to let anyone in.”

“Oh, really? That’s rich. Because he himself told me to drop by. Are you really going to anger me and your boss? Move out of my way.”

“No. You should turn away and leave.”

“I know my father. You have means to contact him, correct? Call him and say the following words: I need to talk to you about Akemi.”

Goro’s gaze remained steely, his voice icy- but his heart betrayed his actual feelings, a wild thing fluttering in his chest that thumped even louder upon the name leaving his lips.

The two guards exchanged a look, shrugging, before one of them called Shido up. Confused, he hung up- apologizing profusely- and motioned Goro to enter.

With a daunting smirk, Goro entered the building.

Alright. Step 1- Infiltration of Goro- was complete.

What about the substeps?

A noise creaked near his ear- the world’s tiniest equivalent of a phone- and a static buzzed and annoyed him to death before it cleared away.

“Guys, Crow’s infiltration was successful. What about you, Skull, Queen, Violet and Arsène?”

Ryuji was the first to reply as Goro moved forward. “Skull’s in place.”

A beat passed.

“Queen is ready.” Makoto sounded unusually nervous.

“Violet is also ready!” Sumire remained cheerful- way too chipper, actually.

“Arsène’s good to go. Move on, Crow.” Akira was good at acting tough.

Goro didn’t let any of his muscles twitch in indication of a conversation being held. He moved on, aiming for the steps leading up to Shido’s office.

“Alright, got you on cam, Crow. Fox and Panther are keeping track of the cameras, but be careful, okay? We can’t mess up.”

His friends hummed in reply, and Goro took a few more steps before finding the floor he was searching for.

“Crow’s closing in on the target”, he heard Ann- Panther- murmur.

“Ready yourself”, Fox - or rather, Yusuke- warned.

There were more goons waiting in front of Shido’s office, but they seemed to have been informed of his arrival. They nodded once, stepping aside to let Goro enter.

The detective gulped. This was it.

“Noir tells you to calm down, babe.” Of course. Haru would never not stop being the voice of empathy.

“Mona’s waiting behind the building in his car, a white van- blends in seamlessly with the rest of the cars there. Futa- Oracle says she’ll cut off your comm once you’re safely inside and we give you the signal, but we’ll still be able to receive data.”

“Joker, don’t talk too much!”

“We’ll do this, babe. We’ll get out of there.”

The door creaked open, and Goro stepped inside. Shido’s office had not changed in years- his laptop was still kept neatly on his office table, the entire city viewable from the wide windows behind him.

The man in question sat on his stool, his back turned to Goro. Slowly, he panned around- like those old movies with the super villains, Goro mused- and it was clear to Goro he was unpleased to see him.

“Akechi.”

“Shido.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment.

Shido began to frown. “I think I was very clear about no one bothering me today.” His voice was steely, sharp like a knife- ready to hurt and stab anyone that dared to come to close.

“I am aware. Tomorrow is the big day, is it not? The day you can finally grasp your dream.” Goro chuckled, amused.

Shido was not amused. The bald man glared at him ferociously. “I don’t understand what’s so funny, Akechi. I have not given you permission to see me in months. What was so important about your mother that you needed to bother me today?”

_Alright, here we go._

“I remembered some things from the past.” “So you became all nostalgic?” “Somewhat”, Goro sighed, “But more…I grew wistful, you see.”

“If your sentimentality is all that brought you here today, then I will kindly-“ Shido spat the word out “-ask you to leave. Now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“ _Crow, we’re ready.”_

_Here we go._

With a swift motion, Goro grabbed into the pocket of his coat and drew forth a shining, silver gun, pointing it directly at Shido- who seemed amused.

“I still have some questions left, actually.”

His father barked- his laugh was hideous, and the shivers it sent down Goro’s spine were more than just unpleasant.

“Really? You’re threatening me with a gun? You do know this is more than just a suicide mission, Akechi? This is my office.”

Goro didn’t falter. “I am well aware. But I have nothing to lose. You were planning to kill me tomorrow, anyway, weren’t you?”

“Smart dog, are you?” Shido narrowed his eyes. “It’s true- what better way to implant more police force around the city than my own son dying a tragic death? Those police men are obviously at my beck and call, though. Well, I’ll amuse you until I grow bored, I suppose. Then you’ll die.”

“We’ll see.” Goro tightened the grip on his gun, hiding the tremble of his hand. “How about you start with answering some questions first?”

Shido took a sip of his drink.

“I _said”,_ Goro’s knuckles went white, and he couldn’t control the tremor of his voice, “Answer some questions!”

“You haven’t even asked anything yet.”

Goro wanted nothing more than to pull the trigger and shoot the motherfucker dead.

“Akemi. My mother.” His voice faltered. “You killed her, didn’t you?”

“And what use would be that information to you?”

“I _need_ to know!”

“Guards!”

The door barreled open- but instead of two guards storming in, only one with a low riding cap barreled through the door, and before Goro was able to react, one of his arms was twisted against his back, his feet being swept away as he kissed the ground rather forcefully, the gun being kicked out of his hands, far out of his reach.

Slowly, footsteps came closer, and with his arms being twisted painfully behind his back, he was unable to move.

“On his knees.”

Goro yelled and kicked as the guard forcefully pulled him upwards, and he kept on resisting and biting away as he was dragged onto his knees.

When he lifted his gaze, a gun was pressed against his forehead, kissing his skin oh-so-gently.

Shido’s smile was similar to that of a predator.

“Now, you answer some of my questions. It’s funny you thought being able to sneak in with a hidden camera on yourself wouldn’t be found out. I really thought detectives would be smarter than that.” Shido’s dirty hand reached out to his neck- tearing away the necklace and the attached mini camera.

He crunched it under his foot, and reveled in Goro’s cries.

“Now, my dear, lovely son. Why on earth did you think you’d need to record me and put this up for the world to see before you die?”

“Because all my _life_ I’ve lived for revenge- for the day I could bring your façade of a politician down and tear away the mask you keep in public- the upright, justice-oriented Shido who’s concerned for nothing more than his citizen’s well beings is naught but- full of lies! You’re nothing more than a murderer!”

“Mad dogs shouldn’t talk like that.”

He was struck across his cheek rather harshly- Shido even used the gun to strengthen the impact. Goro didn’t give him the satisfaction of crying out- instead, stared up defiantly as he was yanked back into his former position, and the gun was pressed against the skin of his forehead yet anew.

“Now, I thought I taught you well, Akechi. I told you this isn’t how you should speak to your father. Respect him and kiss his feet- whenever he tells you to. Play the role of the Detective Prince, and listen to my every heed and call- then you’ll live a quiet life. Maybe.”

“Never. Not when the blood of so many people taint your hands.”

Shido’s look darkened, and he struck Goro across his other cheek violently.

“Funny you say that. As far as I’m aware, you were the one who forged cases to reach fame. But how will the public react to this, I wonder? The ever so popular Detective Prince- nothing more than a phony. A fake.”

“Because you _forced_ me to! You had all these- these fake suicides- they were murders- you killed those people, ordered your hitmen to do it- and then had me cover up your tracks!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Akechi.” Shido was playing dumb, but the wicked smile on his face told Goro all he needed to know.

“Wakaba Isshiki. She was the first one.”

“Ahh…her. Indeed.”

“Why did she die?”

“Why do you care?” The barrel of the gun pressed down harder into his skin, if that was even possible.

“If you kill me anyway, you can at least answer some of my questions, can’t you?”

Shido laughed. “No. You should just die like the worthless piece of shit you are.”

Goro gritted his teeth.

“You were researching illegal projects.”

“Pardon?”

“Isshiki was taking odd jobs here and there- but it was strange. She had a higher degree- why would she job at a supermarket when she could just as well take on a job in the medical department? And how on earth was she able to keep paying high bills, even though the odd jobs she took on weren’t even that high in pay?"

Goro took a deep breath. "The answer is easy. She was taking those jobs to cover up her real income- a secret project she was working on, under the guidance of one Masayoshi Shido. It was a project about manipulating the masses and brainwash. You used orphans- easy to dispose of, and something no one would ask after. I saw reports about various orphanages with dwindling numbers of orphans, but no families requesting for children. They were used in the project, and you paid the orphanages off, correct?”

Shido stroked over his beard. “You’re smarter than I imagined, Akechi. But I didn’t even need to pay. Orphans…are just disposable trash no one wants, anyway.”

Despite the rage flaming up inside of Goro, he refused to even so much twitch at the statement.

_No fucking way will I give you the feeling of winning here._

He still had to grit his teeth as he talked on.

“But ultimately, the project failed- you had to abandon it. That didn’t take care of all the employees you used all those years, however- and who knew what you had done.” Goro rushed the words out, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he stared up defiantly.

“That’s why you had to get rid of Isshiki, for example- she knew too much. She had to die, or she could endanger your future.”

“So all the deaths you covered up were my former employees, is that what you’re saying?”

“No. Some of them were people you had struck other deals with, I assume- and who began backstabbing you. Others- people you didn’t kill- were people you forged some sort of plan with. Like Kaneshiro. Or Madarame.”

Shido’s eyes glinted in amusement. “For a mad dog, you know a lot.”

“I spent a lot of time researching the past month.”

“I noticed. Did you think my IT men didn’t catch you secretly looking up the archive and pulling down classified files?”

Goro hissed.

Another struck to the face was his reward- he coughed this time, the impact proven to be a little too much. The guard’s hands began digging into his wrist.

“One of your biggest allies- next to Kaneshiro, I assume- is Okumura. The multi-millionaire who you struck yet another deal with. He exploits his employees- works and starves them to death- and I’m assuming you will use one of his shops to expose his ‘crimes’." 

Goro was aware of every twitch Shido gave away. "He himself will claim to know nothing about them, I suppose. Crying, he’d beg for apology- and you’d forgive him in front of an audience, telling the public the crimes were kept secret and that he is a noble man out to improve things. You’d use your popularity to help him over the crisis, but also possibly backstab him if you find a chance.”

“And what on earth would be the reward for that?”

“As far as I’m concerned- money. You have so many employees, Shido- so many people working in the dark. Kaneshiro is one of them- and I assume he keeps quiet and provides you with employees not only because you promise him immunity from the police, but also because you provide him with a large amount of money. But you don’t earn enough in your current position to possibly pay him a fair sum."

Goro watched as Shido's vicious smile began to lose some of its glee. "You need a supporter for that- someone who has money to spare, and is more interested in public fame and political influence. Okumura probably told you to instigate some deal that made him look good in public, but I know you- you’ll probably expose his worst crimes, as I already explained- and therefore blackmail him to work together with you lest he wants to burn and crash forever.”

“Interesting theory you got there.”

“But I’m right, aren’t I?”

Shido grinned. “Fine. Let me play along in your little detective game- you spent so much time researching, after all, desperately trying to hide it from me. You poor, pitiable idiot.”

Goro was seething.

“It’s true- for a long time, me and Okumura have been good business partners. I didn’t have a lot to offer to him at first, but after a few…honorable deaths here and there he knew I was serious about becoming this country’s governor, or an even higher position. At the same time, Kaneshiro helped me out by offering me a few of his men- and since I wasn’t able to offer a lot of political merit or police immunity at the time, I helped him with spreading drugs.”

“The scandal of an entire city fighting with drug addicts- and you, Shido, the savior, helped the police find the culprits through taking on a risky inside job.” Goro narrowed his eyes. “In truth, you had instigated the scandal yourself- I can’t say how you spread the drugs, but you and Kaneshiro had struck yet another deal to when the scandal would be exposed- and who of Kaneshiro’s men had to pay for this.”

Shido smirked. “Some of his men were turning faithless- I had to help him make them disappear to earn his trust. Did you know Okumura had a series of various sub-restaurants, all under different names before he grew big with Big Bang Burger?”

Goro’s eyes widened, and his reaction made Shido laugh.

“Correct, my dear, dear son. I mixed the drugs into food- not enough for the police to trace back, of course, because some of the employees were part of the Yakuza themselves, so they had their ways of covering things up. Then some of the Yakuza spread the drugs on the streets, and others offered free meals of shops that weren’t enlisted- the shops popped up one day, only to disappear the next."

Shido's grin grew wider again. "Police were capable of tracing back some of the drugs to Okumura’s shops, but before it came to that- I advised my friend to sell them to someone else. His name remained clean, while the owners of the shops were suddenly in jail. If they tried pining the crime to Okumura- well, that was easily taken care of. They hadn’t realized we forged the date on the purchase contracts- tracing the crime back on Okumura became impossible. And if the police still suspected him, I had a good talk with my old friends- high police officers. Then those problems disappeared as well.”

“This doesn’t sound favorable to Okumura.”

“Oh, no. He didn’t know what the whole drug business was about, and never suspected a thing. He realized there were assets in cooperating me, I suppose. If he ever realized that his restaurants were being misused…well, let’s just say he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and try to find his own personal gain in this. Selling those restaurants brought in a lot of money, after all.”

“And let me guess…You were compensated for being such a good advisor, weren’t you?”

“Correct.”

He was disgusting and cunning even years back.

“You, Okumura, Kaneshiro…how long have you been working together?”

“Oh, nothing short of…twenty years, I think. The beginning was rocky- but finally, finally I am able to close in on my own goal.”

Twenty years.

His mother had been killed when he was seven- and Goro was twenty-three. He’d been three when Shido begun to build his empire. Did his mother…run from Shido for four long years?

“I read the file”, Goro choked out, emotions overcoming him and crashing down on him in a violent torrent. “Mother’s file-“

“I am well aware. You requested it under a ploy from your precinct yesterday, didn’t you? A foolish move, Akechi. You should have known I’d be informed.”

“And you knew I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the report. You _knew_ I remembered the day she died- the day I thought she died. She wasn’t dead- she was alive! She was asleep, but then your goons, dressed as policemen, barreled through the door- and they tore us apart. Now that I know you’ve been working with Kaneshiro and Okumura for so long- it makes sense. You- you used your connections when they were more stable to- to murder her-“

“Murder? As far as I’m concerned, the poor, poor woman died in a fire.”

“Stop _lying”,_ Goro screamed, and the next punch to his face threw him onto the ground. “You killed her- in a fire- because you didn’t want to leave evidence behind. Why did she have to die? How did you kill her? What did you do-“

Shido stomped down harshly onto his stomach, and Goro wheezed painfully- the air in his lunges might have been forcibly pushed out, but the torrent of emotions inside him were a much bigger storm to fight.

The politician was angry now. The guard stood behind Goro, ready to pounce on him if needed, but Shido motioned him to stand still.

“It’s a shame you found out so much, Akechi. I was just thinking about offering you a place in my future kingdom- but you went and threw it away by naming that wench.”

“Fuck you”, Goro spat out, only for Shido to stomp down even harder on him, and Goro begun to see stars.

When he recovered, he heard Shido talk in rage. “She was a wench- that was all there was to it. Fine, let me tell you, Akechi- let me tell you. Did you know we went to the same college once? But she always felt so much better than me. She was praised a genius- while I was doomed to stand in her shadow. The best way to throw her down the high horse was to use her female instincts.”

Goro screamed, a yell coming right out of the inside of his soul, and a foot stamped down on his face. Pain crashed through him, but Shido soon removed his disgusting boot away- an evil grin grazing his face.

“She fell in love with me- I was irresistible, you see-“

_Not even in your fucking dreams!_

“-So we quickly became the couple of the campus. Soon, she grew pregnant with you- and being the low, female miscreant she was, it only took a bit of my nudging for her to give up a career once she had given birth to you. But she didn’t want to give up on a career entirely- which is how we grew apart. However…”

Shido’s smile disappeared.

“She begun talking about having a family- about wanting you to grow up…loved. So she began demanding more and more of me- to take care of you, for example! Preposterous. Or to marry her- ha! What a joke.”

_I’ll kill you I’ll kill you I’ll kill you_

“When I refused to offer her support and broke up with her, she began to threaten me. She said she knew about my little…bonding with the Yakuza. Would blabber to the police if I didn’t pull out of business and become a loving father.”

Shido’s voice grew more and more enraged.

“But no way in hell would I do that! I warned her- told her to back off and live a quiet life if she didn’t want to enrage me. But she didn’t- she even began to request compensation for you- the child- ‘our’ child! She wanted support and money- ha! She wasn’t anything more than a low born whore!”

Shido stomped on the detective’s stomach again, then on his shins.

_I’ll make you suffer for this_

“So I made her life hell- I made her lose jobs. Had rumors spread about her- made her lose any contacts with friends or family. I isolated her. Yet she still- the bitch still didn’t relent! She kept babbling on and on about starting over and forgiving me for my crimes if I confessed- ha! What a joke! Me, confess to crimes?! What crimes?”

_You’ll burn you’ll burn you’ll burn_

_I’ll torch you_

“All of them”, Goro murmured, and Shido delivered a punch to his face.

“I made her scared- had Yakuza persecute her. Made her life in fear- but even when I trashed her from time to time she didn’t give up. She stopped requesting support of me, but she was still alive out there- a threat, a danger to my plans of owning the country one day. _You_ were a stain, too. So one day…I found her. It’s just as you remembered- I had some of the Yakuza dress up as police men- easy work, really- storm your house and then had her dragged in front of me…Similar to how you ended up now.”

Shido chuckled darkly, motioning the guard to heave Goro back on his knees.

“I held a gun to her head-“ The barrel was pressing against his forehead “-and I told her: if you’d stayed quiet and disposed of the child, I wouldn’t have had to do this. You know what she did?”

The laughter echoing in the office was eerie.

_Die die die die die die die_

“She said she’d never bow to me- but that she would begin begging if it meant saving your life. She’d kiss my feet- let herself be used as a sex doll- endure pain and torture- all for- you!”

_You’ll suffer the same pain you’ll pay you’ll pay just you wait-_

Shido grabbed Goro’s head, pressing the barrel painfully against his skin all over again. The brunet had gone numb- he was silent, though the whirlwind of emotions storming through him were hard to suppress.

Not to mention ignoring the pain in his body.

Yet the pain was the lesser problem.

He had to stay calm- rational. He had to endure-

“I raped her- I wanted her to scream and beg for her own life- but she didn’t. She kept staring at me with those cursed, cursed red eyes- and then she said something about feeling sorry for me- about how I would never understand the way you could feel if you had something to protect other than yourself. When I held the gun against her- she smiled, and she said: You shall not hurt the child, Masa. You’ll love him. Then I shot a bullet through her skull and watched her blood taint my fucking carpet. This bitch didn’t even had the generosity to make minimal dirt- no, I had to buy an entire new apartment.”

Bile rose in Goro’s throat, and the world began to spin- but he couldn’t give in to hatred and revenge just yet. The puzzle pieces, the missing ones- they began to gather.

_I’ll do just about anything to put that bullet through your chest your head your missing heart your brain I’ll bathe in the blood I’ll paint myself and stand proud in the color of my crime-_

“You really are a sorry existence”, he heard himself say, and the look in Shido’s eyes turned crazed.

“You fell for her- that’s what hurt your pride. You loved her.” “Shut up, shut up shut up-“

“She had power over you”, Goro laughed, “She could control you. You didn’t like it-“

“I said SHUT UP!”

Goro was sent to the ground.

“I didn’t like her! She was a tool!”

“Really? Is a tool someone you spend three years raising a child with?”

Shido stomped on him, but it didn’t keep Goro quiet. “You forged a pact with Okumura- and Kaneshiro- twenty years ago. But I was born earlier than that- I was three when that pact came to be. For Mother to notice you had been deeply entangled with those men- she had to have been close to you. I was already a toddler- meaning you had to have spent at least three and a half years with her. Are you really incapable of withstanding someone for so long?”

_You never loved her._

_No one would kill the person they love._

_You are a monster._

Goro had to rile his father up one last time- now that he’d gone off script and plan, he still needed to make sure justice was served.

In his head, he apologized to Ren.

“I cannot fathom why you let me live. But you mistreated me because you saw her in me- you were cursed with her existence even after you let her burn in the fire.” Goro grinned. “I was a constant reminder of your inferiority. Of your loss.”

A hard stomp made him wheeze for air.

“But you couldn’t keep me away from you. You needed her- wanted her- but she was dead-“

Goro heard the safety of the gun being clicked off.

“Father- in honor of Mother- grant me one last wish-“

Shido’s scream was primal as he rammed the gun against Goro’s head.

“Kill me the way you killed her.”

Shido pressed the barrel against his chest.

“Don’t shoot my heart- it was the one thing you shared-“

A grin appeared on his face as the trigger of the gun was pulled backwards.

_“Love.”_

Shido shot.

Goro saw blood spill forth before his vision blacked out- distantly, he heard Shido turn around and bark: “Move him away!”

“Sorry”, he whispered with the last of his strength.

Then the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.o


	55. All The World's A Stage; And all the men and women merely players...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, just a heads up that...This isn't all to it, lol. But the entire wrap up and explanation is so long, and I feel bad for making you guys suffer A LONG TIME so here's the beginning of it all...  
> But stay tuned, the story is not over yet!

The first thing Goro heard upon waking was wailing.

Slowly, he blinked his eyes open- and immediately closed them again, the violent white light too much for him. He groaned- and for a second, the wailing stopped- only for the sobs to intensify tenfold.

Well, he’d expected nothing less.

Again he pried his eyes open, blearily blinking the exhaustion away and letting his eyes slowly adjust to the cold, white lightning.

Tae was standing above him, critically eyeing him. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a while- but then again, maybe she always looked like that.

“Looks like lover boy here is back among the living again.”

Her dry humor made Goro snort, and he slowly sat up- careful not to let his gaze stray to the side as he was aware what awaited him there. He winced, feeling a few wounds here and there- fuck, his head hurt.

“Don’t be a wuss. Don’t know what you’re made of, but you only suffered some minor injuries from what the evil man did to you. You have a few cuts here and there, but no broken bones. Tough stuff, huh?”

Goro managed a weak smile. “I try.”

Tae rolled her eyes. “Sure. Anyway, I cannot _stand_ the guinea pig retching and crying all over my medical instruments, so I’ll leave you alone for now. Please make him stop”, she huffed, turning around on her heels and strutting out of the room.

Which left Goro alone with him.

The brunet took a deep breath. The sobs had grown quieter, but they had never subsided.

Before he was able to turn his head and confront Ren, he heard the raven spit out: “I hate you.”

Goro only sighed in reply.

Arms wound around him- a body sat down onto the bed he was propped up in, and Ren buried his face in the crook of Goro’s neck.

“I will _never_ forgive you for this. Never, you hear me? You can never make up for this.”

Another sigh escaped the brunet. “I am well aware. For what it’s worth-“

Hands clawed through the thin fabric of his clothes- some white garment- digging into his skin.

“Don’t apologize. You don’t mean it. You didn’t mean it that time, either- so shut up. Shut up! I don’t want to hear those empty words. I don’t want to hear it, I don’t- I don’t- fuck, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think- I hate you, I’m so glad you’re alive, I love you, but I also detest you, I-”

Ren’s harsh words struck the brunet, making his heart squeeze in pain. His living, breathing, beating and unharmed heart.

“I had to do it.”

“You went off script!” Ren tore himself away, and only now was Goro able to take a look at him. He looked terrible- his eyes were lined with eye bags and dark circles, and his eyes spoke of exhaustion. He hadn’t slept- that was a fact.

“How long were you awake-“ Goro reached out, but his hand was slapped away- uncharacteristic for the raven. He stared at Goro with fury in his eyes.

“You were out for two days.”

Goro put a hand under his chin. “Two days? But didn’t Takemi say-“

“She doesn’t know why the drug worked so strongly on you. It was supposed to last for a few hours- and while your vital functions returned back to normal, you didn’t wake up. You didn’t- you didn’t wake up- fuck, Goro, there was so much blood- I thought- you were bleeding- then you didn’t wake up-“

“Yes, but that was-“

“I don’t fucking care what it was!” With a cry, Ren sprung off the bed, his back turned to Goro. He was breathing heavily.

“I am well aware what it was. My brain knew you made use of the backup plan. But you knew- you knew that plan was only to be used in an emergency. That was the deal. It’s what we agreed to. You promised! Fuck, Goro, you- you promised- you promised me a future together, and instead-“ Ren’s words were cut off in another wail.

“The setup was too good, though. He took my gun, and I knew if I riled him up-“

“Shut up! Shut up, Goro!” Ren whirled around, madness glinting in his eyes. “I will _never_ forgive you for letting me carry your corpse around. I will never forgive you for making me see you _be murdered-_ “

Goro’s mood turned sour, his patience running thin. “Again: you were aware this was a backup plan that could be put into motion.”

“Only if the situation called for it!”

“Didn’t you _listen-“_ Goro hissed, growing mad himself, “-what he said about my mother? Was I supposed to sit there and take that? Was I supposed not to give in to the last shred of revenge and hatred shredding me apart and avenge her? She fought for me. She suffered- fuck, she _died_ for me!”

“That didn’t mean you’d have to do the same!” Ren looked in so much pain, and Goro wanted nothing more than to kiss his suffering away. “That didn’t mean-“

“I’m not dead.”

Ren glared at him. “No. But you died in front of my eyes. Goro, can you imagine the horror?”

His boyfriend’s voice was shaking with every word, his eyes full of crazed pain. “It was one thing to imagine it- imagine you being shot in front of my eyes- but another thing altogether to see it happen in front of my eyes. I saw the bastard- saw him use that gun, strike you, hit you- and then he pulled the trigger- and then, there was- there was so much fucking blood-”

“You went off protocol, too. You weren’t supposed to storm in- you were supposed to-“

“Did you really think I would have been able to stand the thought of leaving you alone with Shido and two of his best hitmen?!”

“Did you think I wanted you to see me die?”

_Fuck, I slipped up._

Realization dawned in Ren’s eyes.

“So that had been your plan from the beginning, huh. You hadn’t ever…attempted to bring Shido to justice by merely being abused for a bit and making him spill some of his motives.”

Goro couldn’t stand the weight of his gaze, looking away. “I’m alive now. That’s all that matters. And I would really be interested in hearing what happened-“

Ren’s breathing was ragged. “No. Goro, no. I-“

The raven walked towards the door, stopping at the frame. “I can’t do this- right now. I need some time. I’ll let someone else come for you.”

With that, the raven disappeared, and Goro was left alone with his thoughts.

It hadn’t felt good to do what he’d done. But Goro had given in to his feelings- let the hatred he’d filled his veins with for years and years come break free. He didn’t want Ren to suffer- it had been the least thing he’d attempted to do.

But his boyfriend just had to storm in and jeopardize his safety, so Goro had been forced to take some more…crass ideas to ensure Shido wouldn’t pay attention to his suddenly new handsome hitman who didn’t even attempt to hurt Goro unless Shido ordered him to.

_Not to mention he could have thought he was Akira…_

Still, Goro’s heart squeezed painfully as he thought about the wrecked look on his lover’s face- a look he and only he himself was responsible for, no matter who went off script and whatnot. Ren would no doubt be suffering under this incident for a long time- and while Goro was torn between being angry at him for storming in and nearly blowing their entire cover, his heart weeped whenever he remembered…

How Ren told him he hated him for this, and would never forgive him for it.

_I suppose I don’t deserve anything else than those words…_

There was a knock at the door.

“Come in”, Goro said, even though he really wasn’t in the mood for another moral lecture.

At first, he thought Ren had come back- but no. As the hope in his heart dwindled, he fought against the grogginess in his bones threatening to send him back to sleep. Goro saw Akira walk up to him and the raven took a seat on the stool next to his bed.

There was a wry smile on his face, but his eyes didn’t speak the same.

“Hi there.”

“Hello.”

“Nice weather we’re having, huh?”

Goro groaned. “Get to the point, Akira.”

The raven laughed. “Sorry. I just- this all feels so…surreal. I’m still kinda out of it, to be honest. And you can be glad that Futaba made true to her promise and left supervision of the footage to me once Phase 2 of the plan had commenced.”

Akira let out a sigh. “I don’t want to imagine what the others would have done if they saw that…gruesome video. Ann and Yusuke were also busily paying attention to the security cams of the building, luckily, than that they could have spare a glance at the recording at the time.”

“So no one saw what happened once I got Oracle’s- I mean, Futaba’s last sign, right? Except you and Ren…”

Akira chuckled. “Yes, and they also didn’t hear anything. Futaba was busy making sure the live stream was shown in the entire country, so she was busier keeping the connection alive. But when I saw Shido press the gun against your head when you riled him up with your mother- well, let’s just say I warned her to limit public viewing to mere sounds, and only police stations and law offices to see the rest.”

The raven ran a hand through his hair. “It was a close call- fucking gamble, actually. But it worked out. Our friends _did_ watch the video yesterday, though…without the shooting part. I made sure to corrupt that part- the audio was still there, though.”

“Didn’t know you had it in you to be a hacker.”

Akira chuckled. “I mean, I’m sure Futaba would have easily been able to recover the original- but the footage was gruesome enough on its own, so none of our friends wanted to see it. And since we basically had the entire country being a witness…no one needed the original file anymore.”

Relief flooded Goro’s body. _At least no one else besides the twins had to see it happen…_

_Though that doesn’t make it any better. Ren will still…_

“So what happened after I passed out?” the detective asked, desperate to throw his thoughts away and replace them with something else.

Akira hummed. “Wait, before I tell you- I just…woah, Akechi. Why’d you make me see it?”

Goro looked away in shame. “I felt like…you’d be the only one who had enough galls to see it. You’ve had an avid interest in homicide, horror movies and criminal law, after all- seeing people get shot at wasn’t something you weren’t used to.”

There was a funny smile on Akira’s face.

“Yeah…but that’s not like seeing my twin’s boyfriend- and my ex- get murdered, buddy. I was suspicious from the beginning when you texted me about this whole supervision thing, and taking it over from Futaba- but well.”

The raven ran a hand through his hair. “I just…thought I should trust you. Would be my way of making up for never laying my own intentions bare in time for you. Fuck’s sake, though- that shit was traumatizing.”

“I apologize. I had given in to my feelings of fury and-“

Akira waved his apology off. “I don’t really care what your reasons are, Akechi. It’s over now- and I don’t want to think about it _ever_ again, woaaah…Good thing you’re sort of unharmed. I don’t think Ren will recover quite that quickly, though.”

Akira saw Goro deflate.

“Sorry. Let me tell you how things went on after you put yourself to sleep- props to how you hid that pill in your mouth, though. Real- ninja stuff. Anyway.”

Akira cleared his throat. “Ren dutifully carried you out of there- and had to hurry and escape through the emergency exit to reach Morgana as fast as possible, because Miss Nijima and the police had already been on the way. Actually, your work colleague had breached through the entrance already- that woman can be a menace even in heels, sheesh. Futaba hadn’t even disabled the system yet, but Makoto’s sister just barreled right through.”

The next words were put more carefully. “Shido’s behind bars now- and he won’t be getting out of there easily. The country’s been in an uproar- news of ‘Shido Masayoshi murders his own son in cold-blood’ and ‘The tragic death of Goro Akechi’ is everything the media is talking about these days.”

Goro clicked his tongue.

“Mhm. The trial for Shido needs some hardcore preparation, though. Kaneshiro has gone undercover- and Okumura has been put behind bars, too. Miss Nijima isn’t capable of shouldering all that herself, so she requested aid from those oversea prosecutors who handled Madarame’s case. Though they don’t know how to handle the defense of Shido yet- technically, every human is allowed to enlist help of defense attorneys and have a fair trial, but…”

“There’s a high chance Shido will attempt to manipulate and use his connections to corrupt the trial in its whole.” Goro gritted his teeth, anger rising up inside him.

“Yeah, but like I said- the whole fucking country saw it happen, or heard it happen- I doubt it’s going to be easy, if not impossible, to talk his way out of this.” Akira sent Goro a soothing smile. “Don’t worry. Things will be okay.”

_Will they?_

“What about everyone else?” the brunet asked instead, hoping to escape the vicious grip of his own murderous brain.

“Oh, they got out fine. Everyone was already in the van when Ren rushed you in. Smart boy hid himself in the back of the car with you- so no one else saw the blood until you arrived at Takemi’s. Ren warned them you made use of the backup plan though. Doesn’t mean they were any less traumatized.”

“I think I owe them all an apology, don’t I?”

“Well…we all knew what we were getting ourselves into, so not really. Maybe Ren, though.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be there. He wasn’t-“

Akira sighed. “I know. He electrocuted the two guards before Shido called for them- and then rushed in himself. We tried telling him to stay back, but he put the comm out, the bastard. It’s sort of his fault he had to see the scene play out first-hand, but…Well, when you didn’t wake up after nearly 24 hours, he grew…mad.”

“I can imagine that.”

“Why did you do it, Akechi? I mean, except the obvious things like revenge and hatred and-“ Akira’s smile widened slightly- “-protecting Ren by diverting attention. Why?”

“…A mere display where Shido beat me up and confessed to some of his crimes wouldn’t be crass enough to make his fanatic supporters and fans turn away from him.”

“Hmmm…but a murder would certainly put everyone in a wary state. Especially one on his own son- that was just as popular as himself.”

“Exactly. And if they couldn’t find any evidence on Shido’s laptop to incriminate him, at least…they’d have seen real footage of my death. Faking my corpse and death certificate wouldn’t be that difficult, if granted support.”

“I see. For a madman like him, you need crass methods to put him behind bars, huh?”

The brunet nodded.

“Still…”

Akira reached a hand out, pinching Goro’s leg painfully.

“You should have told us that you were intending to execute Plan B from the start.”

“I couldn’t. Don’t you remember how Ren reacted to the milder version of the plan? He was already a mess by then. I had initially planned to entrust you all with this, but…I-“

“You didn’t want to betray Ren, did you? You thought it’d be better to deceive all of us and execute the plan instead of excluding Ren and letting all of us in.”

Goro’s silence was a sufficient answer.

“You love him so much, Akechi, it makes me jealous. I know this is inappropriate, but I had to say it.”

“He wasn’t supposed to see it”, Goro groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I didn’t want him to see it. That was the sole reason I hid my intentions in the first place!”

_And now I put a bullet through his heart that will remain forever._

_Fuck!_

“Maybe you should stop hiding things entirely from Ren, Akechi. I’m guessing he didn’t only rush in because he was afraid of what’d happen to you- but also because he knew you were up to something. You both know each other too well, after all. I doubt he didn’t suspect this from happening from the start.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be there!”

“He was warning you. Reminding you not to go off track.”

“I didn’t! You all knew it was a possible backup plan-“

“We did…but Ren was the only one who was trying his damn best to avoid it.”

Goro let out another frustrated groan.

“For what it’s worth…This was bad for my heart, really, but since I had time to prepare for plan B being enacted…I’m not all that angry at you. I’m only angry because you felt like hiding your intentions once again.”

At the pathetic sound escaping Goro’s throat, Akira sent him yet another reassuring smile.

“I also understand why you did it- you just…needed both. You had to put Shido behind you to move on to a life…with us. With Ren, more specifically. And to bid goodbye to your old life, you had to use extreme methods. Well, for good or for worse- it worked! Goro Akechi, the famous Detective Prince- is dead.”

“So what…do I do now?”

“Hm? Oh, well…Miss Nijima is going to drop by tomorrow evening to talk to you and work out some details. I don’t know much else, sadly. I guess you’re hiding at Leblanc for the time being.”

The raven noticed the concerned frown on the brunet’s face. “Don’t worry, most of Shido’s allies have fled in fear of persecution and jail. Leblanc is put under supervision of some friends of Miss Nijima’s- so you’re protected in case someone does try to do something to you. But technically they think you’re dead and are there to protect Futaba, Ren and Sojiro soooo…It’s complicated.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean…about Ren.”

“Hm?”

“It’s just as you said. I took the crass method- and the one that sated my thirst for revenge- to…ensure a future with Ren. To finally let loose of the revenge and fury- though I suppose…they’ll always remain part of me, anyway. No matter.”

Goro shook his head. “It seems like he hates me now, however- and I can’t blame him. Still, the idiot wasn’t supposed to show up! But I can’t change the outcome now. If he doesn’t want me anymore, though…then it does make me wonder what I’m supposed to do now.”

“I don’t think he doesn’t want you anymore. But he’s certainly stirred up from seeing you die like that.”

“It wasn’t even a real death, you know that!”

“Yeah- the blood was real because this doctor here and that weapon dealer- Iwai? They build this super smart construction…uhhh….”

Goro sighed. “A modified version of a bulletproof vest, in case Shido didn’t end up using my toy gun. Takemi had filled a bag of blood and built it into the vest, so that if a bullet shot me, it’d pass and explode the plastic bag first before travelling further and getting stuck in the vest.”

Even now, he could remember how often Iwai and Takemi had run tests back then to really ensure this would work. And how often they still ended up warning him not to enact this plan. 0“Of course, the ordeal was risky- there was no telling whether the bullet wouldn’t travel further, because the vest had to give off some bulkiness to be both more practicable to wear and fit the blood bag in.”

Akira grimaced, and Goro explained on. “I was lucky Shido was dumb enough to pick up my toy gun, though. Iwai had amplified that one- it shot off upgraded versions of blanks that were similar enough to real bullets and would end up exploding the blood bag, too.”

“Ah, wait, I remember! They wouldn’t be able to kill you for real, right? Worst case scenario, their impact would shock you and hurt a little, but nothing else.”

Goro nodded quietly, and Akira talked on.

“Right! Still a gamble, though. Especially because you couldn’t say how good the so called ‘bleeding bullet wound’ would end up deceiving Shido. Or whether…he wouldn’t end up shooting you through your skull, which you couldn’t protect in the first place.”

A dry laugh escaped the detective. “I had never thought…he was the one who ended my Mother’s life…”

Goro felt his eyes sting.

“But when he began talking like that…I knew this was the perfect plan to prevent him from shooting my skull. Fuck!”

Angered at the memory and the taunting speech, Goro let his fist collide with the soft sheets, and Akira only watched with a sad look on his face. He could only imagine what sort of pain the brunet was going through- and atop of that, his twin wasn’t even here to support his lover.

“Originally, when you first laid the plan bare…You said if he shot you, it wouldn’t be the skull because it’d be too much of a mess for him to clean up. And because, what was it…”

“Because I made you believe he wouldn’t use the convenient method to kill me. Sure, he wanted to wipe my existence off the earth either way, but…there was still a chance he wanted to make the world think I commited suicide for, let’s say…my ‘crimes’ being exposed. In which case, shooting oneself through the skull-“

“-is a much less common method than shooting one through the chest when attempting suicide.”

Goro nodded gravely.

Akira let out a loud sigh. “And what else was there again? You said he was proud, and would easily fall into a taunt-“

“Exactly. He carried too much pride in him. That was his downfall. Like I said, due to my Mother’s death…My speech and my taunt were completely improvised, but I knew it would work on someone like him. She had done him too much damage- sullied his pride.”

Goro’s hands clawed into the sheets under him, and he tried to control his breathing. “I then knew…if he truly went that far and shot me himself- he would be too enraged about the fact that he’d sullied his own hands again than to pay attention to anything else, like, let’s say, my wound. I suppose…it’s morbid to say, but Mother really did end up helping me out most…”

Goro grew quiet as a lump formed in his throat, making him unable to talk on. He still felt the aftermath of rage and destruction in his bones, felt choked up whenever he remembered the way Shido had sullied her-wanted nothing more than to go and kill Shido all over again. Put his hands around the bastard’s throat and watch as the life faded from his eyes.

And all the while, Goro would laugh.

But it was over now. It was over.

And maybe, maybe…His mother could finally rest in peace now.

_I thank you. You truly loved me._

Akira picked up on the tears forming in the corner of Goro’s eyes, and tried his best to make the brunet focus on something else again. “And all this, like your speech riling him up, and especially the shooting part- that would end up diverting his attention from focusing on Ren’s face too much, too, right? I guess it’d have been a disaster if he looked at him and thought he was me- he would have immediately grown suspicious, wouldn’t he?”

Slowly, Goro gathered himself again. “Yes…correct.”

“How did you end up falling asleep for two days, though? I think that one made Ren really insane.”

Goro sighed. “I had this sleeping pill to fake my death, just in case Shido had his goons check my pulse or something. I mean, in the original plan, Ren wasn’t supposed to be there, after all.”

Another sigh escaped the brunet. “The pill- it put my functions down to a comatose like state. For an expert, it’d be easy to notice I wasn’t dead. For a hitman? Easily deceived. They’re trained in shooting without thinking, not aiding and analyzing life functions.”

“Why’d you take the pill if you knew Ren was with you, though?”

“I’m sort of an actor, but even I have troubles acting like a corpse, Akira. And Shido still had to see me lose my consciousness for the act to truly pull through.” Goro’s glare only caused the twin brother to laugh.

“Fair point. Well, good thing things passed by so…well.”

“It’s only over once Shido’s gotten his verdict. And…if Ren decides to forgive me. I was selfish in the end- I knew it’d hurt him if I pulled through with the backup plan. But I couldn’t turn back anymore when he started talking about Mother…”

Akira was quick to throw something in again.

“I think he’s dealing with the shock, but I’m sure he’ll get around. Don’t worry.” Akira ruffled through the brunet’s hair, messing it up. “You just focus on recovering and getting back on your feet.”

“I’m not heavily injured. Shido struck and kicked me with the gun a few times, but that was it- Takemi didn’t say anything about my vital functions suffering because of the pill, so…”

“That’s good. Ren informed everyone you’re awake a few minutes ago- I guess when he stormed out. They all want me to tell you they’re glad you made it out well. I guess they’ll refrain from storming you for now, though- they want to give you and Ren some space.”

Goro smiled wryly.

“Some of them need to recover as well- no one’s injured, don’t worry. But! We are throwing a party at Leblanc tomorrow, and everyone will gather, so you and Ren better make up with each other by then.”

“That isn’t up to me.”

“Dude, come on. You two are so awfully in love it’s like you were made for each other. Like soulmates.”

Goro remained quiet.

“Akechiiiiiii…”

Goro’s hands clenched the sheet under him.

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

“You should ask him that yourself. And yes- if he’s as smart as I think he is, he will. There’s nothing to forgive you for, though, Akechi. Honestly, if I were remotely put in your shoes- I’d have acted the same way. Buuuuut…if he does end up rejecting you…you can always use me as a substitute?”

“Don’t even joke about that”, Goro hissed, and before Akira could reply, “I…I realized my actions towards you were similar to those Shido had once done to Mother, too-“

“No. No, Akechi.”

“It is! He-“

“No”, Akira interrupted firmly, anger rising in his voice.

“Yes. You used me for a purpose, that’s true. I wasn’t the biggest fan of it when I found out- but I forgave you for it. Besides…you and that scum are not the same. Shido threw her away- fuck, the bastard killed her, raped her- he’s the scum of the earth- while you… You kept me. Kept all of us, actually- you let ourselves make the decision whether we wanted anything to do with you after the truth came out. And not all of what you showed me- our us, for that matter- was a lie.”

There was a tender smile on Akira’s face. “The conversations we held didn’t have any deep intention. Your tears weren’t part of a ploy- neither was the fun you had with us, or the fun you gave us. You’re not the cold-blooded killer or the ‘I-use-people-like-chess-figures’ guy you make yourself out to be. Stop painting yourself in a bad light.”

“All of you are way too forgiving.”

Goro knew his tears were streaming down now.

“And you have a soft heart.” Akira handed Goro some tissues. “We’re glad we have you, Akechi. So get your ass up and get Ren back to being all smoochy smooch with you- as disgusting as it is to see.”

“I’ll…do my best.”

“Good. And Akechi?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you dare fake your death like that ever again. From now on, your task is to live freely and happily.”

“Both of you are sentimental idiots.”

Akira only grinned in response.

“Uh, also, I don’t wanna freak you out, but…”

“What?”

“Your eyes changed colors. Takemi doesn’t know if this is a side effect of that coma pill, but uh…they’re red.”

Goro sprung off the bed, not caring that he didn’t have any shoes on, and sprinted to the mirror at the wall.

Indeed, his eyes had changed colors. His hazelnut brown eyes were a red garnet now.

“This is…It…”

“They’re similar to your mother’s eyes, aren’t they?”

Goro whipped around.

The raven threw him an apologetic grin. “Sorry, Futaba sort of showed us the file when you were out like a log. We only took a look at the picture, though- we were curious to see what she looked like. We didn’t read the report, because we all decided it was better for you to tell us that yourself.”

Akira scratched his head. “Sure, we put a few things together from the whole play in Shido’s office, but…”

“This is…creepy.”

“I’ll let Ren handle the smothering-you-in-compliments, but for what it’s worth…I think you look prettier like this. It feels like your Mom granted you some sort of farewell present when you left Shido and everything behind- and it’ll make it easier to hide your real identity, too. Now you have nothing left that resembles Shido in the slightest. Maybe…it’s some sort of thank you present from her?”

“Huh.” Numbly, Goro let himself fall back onto the bed.

Akira picked up on the fact that Goro did not wish to converse anymore, so he whipped out a book from his bag and begun to read. While the brunet did not understand what on earth convinced him to stay, in truth he was glad for some quiet company after…

Well, dying.

It was truly strange. How would things continue from now on? Would he have to spend his life in hiding? What was Sae going to tell him tomorrow?

“Don’t overthink, Akechi. Things are going upwards from now on.”

Either he’d mumbled his thoughts out loud again, or the damn twins were equally as good at reading his mind.

Goro was about to reply when the door creaked open again- and a tear stained face appeared at the doorframe.

Akira closed his book with a loud thump, tossing it carelessly into his bag. “Well, don’t go too wild, lovebirds- I’m still in the waiting room in case you need me.”

When he bypassed Ren at the door, he kicked his twin inside swiftly before closing the door with a grin.

Silence filled the room, and neither of the two moved.

Goro thought Ren had spoken up, and only too late realized it was his own voice carrying through the room. “I am not sorry for what I did. I did- what I wanted to do. Though involving you in it was always something I had wanted to avoid.”

Urgh, great. Ren would definitely forgive him now, wouldn’t he?

“I understand. I was…I should have stuck to the plan. But I…”

The barista took a few steps forwards, letting himself fall down onto the bed.

“I’m not sorry for…for breaking protocol. But…it’s unfair to throw the things I said at you. Because I knew what I was getting myself into- I was aware things could get ugly. And some fucked up part of my brain knew a mere confession and a beating wouldn’t be shocking enough to remove the asshole out of this world entirely. Some part of me was aware you wanted to execute this plan from the beginning, but…”

Ren’s voice broke. “I didn’t want to see you like that. Bleeding- a bullet shot through your heart. I knew it was all staged- fuck, I knew nothing major must have happened especially because Shido used your own gun- but- but I was standing there, watching as that son of a bitch spat one insult after another, saw him beat you up, saw him-“

Ren was shaking, and to Goro’s own surprise, he reached out and pulled him into a hug. Gently, he stroke over Ren’s hair, kissing his neck in apology. The first hickeys he had left there had long faded, but the ones from three days ago were certainly visible.

Thank fuck Shido hadn’t seen those.

“I aided him- the asshole I wanted to break, to turn the weapon onto, the-“

“It was all but a play, Ren. You didn’t do anything wrong except breaking protocol- then you’d have spared yourself all that. But to your defense, I guess- it did protect me from suffering under more wounds.”

Goro drew away, a sad smile on his lips.

“Will you forgive me for being so selfish and executing my own self-justice?”

“I need to ask back, Goro. Will you forgive me for- for- just swear not to do that again, okay? Stay by my side from now on. Don’t leave me. Don’t- don’t hurt me like that. You knew losing you was my biggest fear. _Is_ my biggest fear. And I’ll always resent you for seeing that- for hearing you say ‘Sorry’- fuck, fuck!” A new tide of fresh tears streamed down Ren’s face.

“I promise. I’ve never been one to promise, but…Don’t cry. I feel refreshed that this is over, actually. Now I can…devote myself to live a life I have complete reign over. Catharsis, was it? My future, it includes you, you idiot- if you…accept me.”

“Of course I do”, Ren sniffled, throwing his arms around Goro’s shoulders and hugging him tightly, “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. But don’t you dare do this again, please, please, please…” He pressed kisses against Goro’s temple, a desperate man in need of reassurance and love.

But it wasn’t like Goro didn’t feel the exact same.

“I won’t. I will never stray from your side again, or make you worry all over again. And I’m looking forward to our shared life. Also…Akira said something about my eye color changing?”

Cursing, Ren explained him the same things Akira had informed him of. He added more stuff, too, like how everyone was doing- it wasn’t anything new, nothing Akira hadn’t already told him, but…

Goro let his lover talk, because there was nothing more pleasing to him than the sound of Ren’s voice.

Or the feeling of having him safe in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FUCKING LOVE SHAKESPEARE AND IF YOU FEEL UP TO IT PLEASE GOOGLE THIS CHAPTER'S TITLE AND READ THROUGH THE SHORT MONOLOGUE ON WIKIPEDIA BECAUSE IT FITS SO WELL INTO THE STORY JSFHJSHFGD xD It basically talks about the various stages of Man, and I think it fits so well if applied to Goro's entire development in the fic and HSDHGFSGFHJG I'M A BIG SAP OKAY PLEASE READ IT  
> Also you may yell at me for making you suffer lmao. I hope you liked the finale. I WAS SO NERVOUS WHETHER IT WILL LIVE UP TO YOU GUYS' EXPECTATIONS BECAUSE YOU WERE ALL SO HYPED and as I already said, this isn't ALL to the plan, this is just...one part of it, so safe to say there's still a bit waiting for you. Also, I'm really sad to announce this??? But we're really closing in on the end. I still have no idea whether it's gonna be 4 or less (or more) chapters, but it's definitely nearing the end.  
> I thank you all for reading for so long, though, it really means a lot to me ;-; also, life has caught up to me, so updates may be a liiiiiil slower than my insane past week editing skills, but I'm really sure I'll have everything up by latest end of the week, if not earlier. Hope you'll stay for so long, and keep being hyped!  
> After all, so much angst must be rewarded with fluff....;D  
> THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'LL NEVER WRITE A SEQUEL THO HAHA  
> Also did you really think I'd kill my baby off after such a lengthy time. Did you fall for it DID YOU TELL ME


	56. Will the Moon recover after losing its glow? The shine, his fool, his love...

A few hours later, night seemed to have fallen, and the two of them had ended up cuddling on the bed. No doubt Tae would request a new bed of them, but at this point, Goro didn’t care what it took to make the smile return to Ren’s face. He knew it wouldn’t be easy for the raven to forget about today, but finally- free from the shackles of his tormentor- he could focus on erasing the fears from his lover’s mind.

And he would.

He was just worried what Sae would bring tomorrow.

There was a knock on the door, but Ren didn’t move from where he’d curled up against Goro and fallen into light slumber.

Akira entered, and a soft smile appeared on his lips as he saw the intertwined couple. “I guess things went well. I could say that from the fact that the door didn’t end up torn from its hinges two minutes after the two of you were left alone, though.” He was whispering, careful not to wake his twin up.

Goro nodded, carding a hand through Ren’s hair.

“Still…I need to confess to something before the trial starts, though. As you may have guessed- Sae was able to connect mine and Ren’s case back to Shido, so no doubt will his name will show up at the trial.”

“Should I be concerned about the direction this conversation’s heading to?”

Akira sighed. “I’d say no, but the truth is, I don’t know. Ren’s a mess now, and I don’t want him to be confronted with more surprises in the next few days. You know it was odd how Shiho had disappeared all of a sudden?”

Goro frowned, pulling Ren tighter against him. “Yes?”

“Well…guess who the girl was who was nearly-raped at Ren’s new school and ultimately led to his expulsion.”

_Oh for fuck’s sake._

Goro groaned. “If this is a joke, then you better tell me now, or else-“

“I’m afraid not. See, I’ve- the story goes like this. When I first grew closer to Ann and Ryuji, I came into contact with Shiho, but she was oddly distant and reserved. She seemed scared of me, too. One day, she actually called out to me, though- and apologized for abandoning me back then. When I remained dumbstruck, she asked about my former schools- that’s when it struck me she might have met Ren.”

Goro let out another groan, earning him a wry smile.

“Sadly, she didn’t know what had become of brother since she dropped out the day the incident happened. The only thing she could tell me was that Ren had protected her from some scumbag, and…well. You know how the rest of the story goes. I told her to remain quiet about this, and not to speak of this to anyone until I knew more. She kept her secret- but they need witnesses for overturning Ren’s case, and she’s the best shot they got.”

The detective- former detective- never wanted to strangle someone as badly as he did now. Though he also understood why Shiho had acted the way she did- but still.

“So that was the reason for the text message, and why she suddenly stayed away…”

“Shiho had her fair trouble dealing with her past…It wasn’t easy to confront it all over again, but she wanted to offer her help. She just…needed some time.”

_We all need fucking time, but sometimes, it’s a luxuruy few can afford._

_And in this case, this revelation couldn’t have been placed worse._

Goro kissed Ren’s forehead, glaring at Akira. “And why on earth did you keep the information to yourself for so long?”

“I didn’t…find the proper occasion. And Shiho seemed to be wary of coming out herself, too, so…Well, a mere sorry won’t cut it, but…Please don’t be too angry at her. Me, you can direct your anger onto. I failed in telling my brother the truth until now- and now, he’ll not even have the time to digest the information before he’ll be put in front of the court.”

_Sounds superbly fucking great, really. As if Ren hadn’t been dealing with enough trauma._

Goro’s heart stung when he reminded himself he added to said trauma, though.

“You can stop pretending you’re asleep, brother. I know you’ve been awake the moment I came in.”

Ren shifted in Goro’s arms, but he made no attempt to detangle himself.

“You fucking suck, ‘Kira. So much for being a protective older brother. Ha.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“Whatever. I’m glad…the girl’s alright, though. Never knew what happened to her. I just hope she doesn’t want to befriend me or some shit- I don’t think I have it in me for that. I’ve been…mad at her for abandoning me back then. I wouldn’t have been fucking expulsed and sent to juvie- fuck, I wouldn’t-“

Goro made a soothing ‘Shhhh’, stroking over Ren’s tense back. The barista deflated a little- but the tension was still there.

“Well, it’s all in the past now. My anger won’t just vanish into thin air, so it’s not like I’ll be thankful for her being a witness- it’s her duty. But…thanks for informing me before I need to go to court, brother. As if I hadn’t had a splitting headache from crying my heart out for two days and abandoning sleep by becoming a coffee addict.”

Goro’s heart stung again, but a glance at Akira told him the latter felt the same.

“Sorry, Ren. I never found the opportunity to-“ “Ah, shut up. All that I care about right now is Goro. I’ll deal with my past and our trial when time’s due. But I’ll be thankful if you just- leave.”

“I will. I just thought it’d be easier to smuggle Akechi over to Leblanc if we’re together. I could walk in front, and you in the back or- something? The darkness will help hiding him, too-“

“Fucking shut up, my brain hurts.”

Akira looked hurt, and he only nodded.

They were interrupted by Tae entering and repeating the same thing Akira had just told them.

“Besides, I can’t hide you here forever. The attic is the perfect place to hide you at the moment- police will come and take me as a witness to both your first incident of being beaten up, as well as confirming your death in my clinic. Oh, yeah, by the way-“

Tae strutted up to boys, whipping up some sort of certificate.

“Happy deathday, boy.”

With mild disgust, Goro snatched the paper out of Tae’s hands. It was proof of his death- Goro Akechi, age 23, shot through the heart two days ago.

_On Mother’s birthday,_ he realized with a startle.

It was a secret he’d forever keep to himself.

_I’m so sorry for resenting myself for so long, Mother._

As he begun to battle with a new tide of tears rushing down his cheeks, Ren put a hand in front of his mouth, jumping off the bed and running into the connected bathroom.

The retching sounds were all Goro needed to know, and he threw Tae a violent glare.

“I didn’t fucking need this, why did you have to prod into his wound?”

The doctor clicked her tongue. “He’ll have to learn and deal with it. He should be reveling in the fact that you’re alive, not mourn your death.”

Goro sprung up, tearing the certificate apart- a quick glance had told him it was a mere copy, after all. And even if it wasn’t, faking it again wouldn’t be difficult. He threw Tae another murderous glare, storming into the bathroom where Ren was still throwing up.

She didn’t really look all that apologetic to him, the fucking bitch.

Distantly, he heard Tae tell Akira: “Okay, maybe I pulled that joke off too soon. I thought the guinea pig was tougher than this…Dang.”

He silently added her to his blacklist.

It was ironic to help Ren come down from anxiety, panic, trauma- whatever you wanted to call it- for once, instead of being the one who was a mess. When Ren had finally calmed down again, Tae had vanished.

Akira was ready to leave, and all of them agreed to switch places.

They snuck through the streets quietly and quickly, and didn’t feel pursued or seen. When they reached Leblanc, Ren actually had to use his keys to get inside- apparently Sojiro and Futaba had gone home.

Goro was somewhat grateful for it.

Akira helped around a bit, preparing tea for the two of them as Ren and Goro got dressed. Ren didn’t feel like heading downstairs again, so he threw himself onto the bed and told Goro to fetch Akira. Before Goro took the first step downstairs, Ren hurled himself against him again and begged to tag along.

He didn’t want to leave Goro out of his sight for now.

Goro interlinked their hands, leading them downstairs- luckily, Ren had half a mind to throw on his slippers- and nearly collided with Akira, carrying a tray with tea and cookies.

“Oh, sorry- I was just about to come upstairs.”

The tea, Goro quickly found out, was the exact same sleeping tea Ren had used all those months ago. However, it really did wonders to sooth his mind- as well as Ren’s, who actually fell asleep soon, clinging tightly onto Goro’s hand.

“Would you mind if I stayed over?” Akira asked warily. “I know I said all that stuff about leaving you guys alone and stuff, but…Truth is, I’m concerned for the both of you. Sure, I’m not the person Ren requests for when he ends up throwing up in the bathroom or something, but…I feel like staying here. To be a helping third pair of hands in case either- or both of you- need me.”

Goro sighed. He was tired, and he wanted nothing more than to bury himself next to Ren and sleep.

“I understand. Please don’t interfere unless I request you to- or Ren does, for that matter. I’m too tired to argue against you, actually, so please- I doubt Ren will mind. I wouldn’t recommend sleeping on the couch, but it’s more comfortable than the booths, I think.”

Akira chuckled airily. “I’ll gladly take the booth downstairs. Wouldn’t want to be intruding you two.”

This only caused the brunet to frown. “If Ren was back to his normal self, he’d protest. The couch isn’t very comfortable, but really- you wouldn’t be intruding.”

But his friend only shook his head. “No, really. I can imagine Ren will wake up in the middle of the night and request comfort- I wouldn’t want to make either of you uncomfortable because of that, or make you feel like you’d need to hold back. Have a good night, Goro.”

With that, Akira disappeared down the stairs- grabbing a blanket and a cushion from the couch with him.

It seemed like his foresight proved right. Ren did wake up in the middle of the night, sleep tea be damned- trashing and crying about Goro until the latter made him aware he was alive and not dead.

Oh dear. What a mess.

“There’s- no wound?”

“No, Ren, really. Do you want to check?”

His boyfriend nodded, and Goro stripped his shirt off- thankful for the fact that Akira had moved downstairs. When Ren had made sure there was no wound or bullet in Goro’s chest, he began showering Goro in kisses- so much that Goro grew needy.

Ren was glad to help him with that problem, too, though, and Goro allowed any and all markings, caresses, touches- anything that made the raven feel better.

Soon, his lover fell back into sleep, with his head propped up on Goro’s naked chest. His ear remained fixed atop of the brunet’s chest throughout the night, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Luckily he couldn’t feel the squeezes and tumbles Goro’s heart made, or else he might have grown concerned.

The next morning was better than the night, but even then Ren seemed to be kinda out of it. He clung to Goro like a child, only allowing Goro to move away for the sake of using the bathroom- and Goro was thankful for Akira’s presence, as he took over the duty of preparing meals and drinks.

“You don’t have to be scared, Ren. I’m not a dream.”

“How can I be sure? How do I know this isn’t just- a fantasy I find myself in, where I wished dearly to bring you back to life and-“

“Because I’d do my damn best to destroy that reality and make you face the truth, Ren. Escaping reality isn’t something I could easily forgive you. But…this isn’t a dream. It’s real. You can verify it by taking a look at your brother in the kitchen- I doubt you’d think him up.”

That caused a weak chuckle out of Ren. “You’re right…He probably wouldn’t be a priority for me.”

“Hey! Don’t just dismiss your dearest older brother like that!”

Goro would be lying if he said this hadn’t been one of the most exhausting days of his life, but this was partly his fault, and he was damned if he didn’t help Ren out of it.

So he did something he’d never think of before.

“Honey”, he mumbled, and Ren nearly spat out the coffee he was reluctantly drinking, “I’m glad this went over so well. I’m glad to be back with you.”

“Kira.”

“Uh-yes?”

“Can you hit me in the face- preferably with a bat- to make sure my fever dream didn’t become part of reality?”

“Because Goro called you his honey?”

Ren was swatted playfully as Goro’s cheek went up in flames. “Fine, I’ll never call you that again. Suit yourself.”

“No, no, Goro, babe- call me honey again! Please! Fuck! I nearly combusted on the spot!”

“Ew, brother, please keep the intimate details to yourself, really-“

Futaba sent an array of angry text message to tell them she strongly agreed.

As laughter spilled forth, Goro hoped desperately that the shine in Ren’s eyes would return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short because....the next chapter is gonna be ballistic long. I think. Gotta double check after properly editing, but yah. And like I said, Shido's plan has still not been discussed in its entirety yet xD  
> We only got like...roughly 20k to go, though? IT MAKES MY HEART ACHE AAAAAA  
> TELL ME ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR LOVELY THEORIES YOU HAD AFTER READING THE FINALEEEEE (that I sincerely hope....lived up to the hype...AAAAAAA)


	57. The Stage collapses, the play revealed; but still, the actors err, unsure where to go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK TIMEEEEEE

As promised, all of their friends came trickling into Leblanc, hugging Goro and Ren tightly before helping Akira with some sort of preparation. All of them ended up telling Goro how worried they were for him- but no one held the fact that he’d rigged their initial plan against him.

Their kindness wasn’t something Goro deserved, he thought.

Somehow, despite their victory, no one seemed to be up in high spirits. Even Makoto tried improving the mood by pulling a few silly jokes, but to no avail.

It seemed like all of them feared the moment Prosecutor Nijima would appear.

And she did- to everyone’s surprise, alongside a grumpy looking Sojiro. Apparently, the secret connection between the two of them was rather simple. Back when Wakaba Isshiki had been declared a suicide, Sae had grown suspicious of the verdict, especially because no one objected to a child investigating the case.

Her trail ended up in this café, where she had begged Sojiro for some sort of cooperation- but the café owner, afraid she was actually collaborating with Shido himself, saw his daughter in danger- so he refused and threw her out.

Now that he could be sure she was an ally, though, he apparently cooperated happily.

Goro had been afraid of the moment he’d meet the older man again. After all, he’d repeatedly brought his family into danger over and over again, and even caused a deep trauma in Ren’s soft heart.

Imagine his shock when Sojiro only sighed and chided him for being so reckless. “I do know…what you’ve done was necessary. I’m actually grateful the bastard’s behind bars. I will never forgive you for putting Ren through such emotional turmoil, but…well. I don’t want to endlessly repeat myself, so you can imagine how I feel. So take responsibility for your actions- at least ensure my stupid son never gets himself into trouble again.”

Goro was about to reply something like _I promise_ when Sae stepped in.

“Good evening, Akechi. And the rest of you, of course. I’m glad to see all of you safe and sound. I’m guessing the man holding you in his embrace is Ren? And…this guy here is Akira? I need to talk to all three of you. In private.”

Ironic- and reminiscent- was Goro’s reaction.

“Anything you can say in front of me you can say in front of my friends. They’d only end up eavesdropping, anyway. Don’t you agree, Ren, Akira?”

Akira made a strangled noise- something between a laugh and a gasp- and the two of them exchanged an amused look before Ren grew jealous and demanded an explanation for the inside joke.

Sae sighed, slipping into the booth.

“Fine. If everyone here pledges to sworn secrecy, I don’t care- they know too much about everything, anyway.”

Everyone nodded seriously.

“Let me ask, though…How on _earth_ did you manage this- all of this? I’m frankly still blown away.”

The detective was thrown back to one certain evening a few months ago…

***

Goro sighed. “That’s not the only problem, though. Look. To be quite honest…even if we gather all this evidence, it won’t be enough to put Shido behind bars.”

Makoto nodded. “If he really is as powerful as you say…I fear the same. After all, he could also have friends at court and have a friend take the role of the judge. Worst comes to worst, all the evidence we gathered would be declared circumstantial, and at the end of the day…Akechi- or all of us- would all end up dead.”

A shiver ran through the entire group of friends.

“Then what do you suggest, Akechi?” Morgana inquired, hesitation apparent in his voice.

“Well…first of all, something incriminating would be if he confessed to his crimes himself. By that, I mean actually confess-“

“That’s bullshit”, Ryuji yelled, “He wouldn’t-“

Ann punched him in an effort to quiet him, and Goro threw her a thankful look.

“Yes, of course- unless he’d have a miraculous change of heart and decided to repent for his crimes, he wouldn’t ever confess. And even if he did- he’d need to do that in front of the entire country, if possible. Like a public TV appearance- and that sounds too good to be true.”

“You sound like you’re plotting something”, Akira threw in.

“Indeed. I’m sure he’ll be a little more carefree than usual the day before the election - maybe I could make him talk a bit, loosen his tongue. I could try and visit him in his office.”

“But is he really dumb enough to fall for that? Like…”

“Oh, don’t worry, Futaba. I’m well aware that the idea of making him talk and recording it is the oldest trick in the history- no, that doesn’t work. There needs to be…more of a shock factor.”

“Like beating you up and having the whole country watch.”

Ren threw an evil glare towards Yusuke, but Goro was elated. “Exactly! I know for a fact Shido’s way too suspicious than to let his personal office unguarded- besides the goons in front of his door, he has a dozen security cameras in his office. Simply because he trusts no one.”

The detective smiled. “If I tricked him and made him think I was filming him through some camera on myself instead of overriding his own security cameras- I’m sure he’d feel safe enough to ‘punish’ me and talk.”

Nobody really liked the idea, though- and everyone made it clear.

“You idiots- it’s the only way. Especially you, Ren- you know this is our best shot.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Goro sighed. “No matter. Let me explain further. Even the idea of having Futaba hack the system and film Shido through his own cameras is too simple. His downfall must be grand- I’m thinking…of having a live stream across the entire country. Having everyone listen and see with their own eyes what a tyrant he is.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad”, Ann said, “But…is it really that easy?”

The detective shook his head. “No, of course not. More than the two goons in front of his own office and the main entrance, there’s no telling how many people will be in the building- and who of them will be a trained hitman and who isn’t. If Shido were to call his entire staff on me-“

“You’d be nothing more than a dead man”, Makoto muttered darkly, earning a glare from Ren.

“Yes. So in order to minimize danger- we’d need to take his entire building out. Similar to rigging a fire alarm, except that rigging the alarm would be too simple of an idea. Ren…I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“Do you think Iwai could possibly get his hands on sleeping gas?”

Ren’s eyes nearly fell out. “You want to gase the entire building? Are you nuts?”

“It’s the most harmless and the best option to take all of his employees out. I mean, I could also just walk in and kill all of them with a gun…”

The entire group threw him a concerned look.

Grumpily, he mumbled: “That was obviously a joke…”

“Um…but even if you got your hands on sleeping gas…The building is huge, right? How would you even smuggle that amount of gas inside and make sure no one escaped its wrath to call for help or something?” Morgana threw in.

“The building’s mostly run under electricity and is connected to a special wireless network- one that can override all the doors. If we managed to hack the system- we could lock all of the employees in, and keep the gas from creeping out.”

Goro laid a hand on his chin. “Of course, you can’t just walk in with containers of sleeping gas bombs- but if we had access to the blueprints of the building and some of you athletes could sneak into the vent system, setting the bombs above each and every room, including the bathrooms- ideally even timed- we could put the entire building to sleep, except the floor Shido is in.”

He distantly remembered another important detail. “There’s a security room with a guard supervising the building of course, but maybe Futaba could put up some old footage until he’s put to sleep, too. As soon as he’s asleep, Futaba could switch back to the normal footage, and some of you could check whether anyone is still awake or attempts to contact the outside.”

“Wowowowow, what?!” Ryuji seemed equally impressed as terrified of Goro’s brain.

The detective felt Ren squeeze his hand, a frown on his face.

“Look. If we do all this, and have a livestream across the entire country, surely the police will show up at some point. However, if they run into the building, they’ll probably be knocked out by the gas as well. Meaning-“

Makoto interrupted him. “If we’re able to win my sister for our cause, and warn her beforehand that there’s gas spreading in the building, she could tell the police to don masks to keep them from falling victim to the bombs.”

Despite being annoyed that he’d been interrupted, Goro nodded. “Afterwards, we could blame the entire idea on me- tell them it was my doing or something. Miss Nijima would need to stall them long enough that I can escape from there, though-“

“Wait, wait, wait. Please elaborate in detail how on earth you think we could execute your ridiculous idea so far”, Ren pleaded.

Goro took a deep breath.

“First of all- we need the blueprints of the building, like I said. Of course, Shido wouldn’t just give them out to anyone. Haru- your father is a good friend of Shido. If you requested a meeting with him and told him you were hoping to build the spitting image of the office because you were such a big fan of his- I’m sure he’d comply.”

The girl gulped. “That…isn’t impossible. I could at least try. I think…meeting up with Shido more often before I request such a thing of him would make him less suspicious, however.”

“Good idea. Would you be able to do that?”

She nodded, and a vicious smile appeared on Goro’s face.

“Great. Now, we obviously can’t be sure whether those blueprints don’t end up a little different than the original- Shido is a suspicious man at heart, after all. But I doubt he’d go so far and change the layout of the entire building just to ensure you don’t build a replica.”

“You are aware, Akechi, we really could build the entire building? I think it would make Shido less suspicious, too, than if I didn’t end up constructing a copy.”

Goro was surprised by the offer. “Are you sure?”

Haru nodded energetically. “If it helps our cause, I wouldn’t mind spending some of my assets to aid us.”

The detective contemplated this. “Well…if you’re able to build the office, we could have the athletes- that is, Sumire, Ryuji, Makoto and Akira- train to sneak through the vents and place the bombs.”

“Why am I not part of the athletes, babe? I think I have quite the good stamina, considering how often we-“

Goro silenced his lover by muffling his mouth with his hands, and throwing him a soft glare. “You wait and listen, okay? I have a different role in mind for you.”

The raven sighed, but kept his mouth shut as Goro removed his hands.

“Back to the topic. I’m sure Futaba can hack into Shido’s security system, override the wifi network, and close the doors. You should also keep an eye on possible panic buttons being triggered before any and all employees fall asleep. About the windows- Morgana, you work in a museum, right?”

“Uhm…yes?”

“Well, do you think you could find out what kind of security system Shido has installed?”

Morgana mulled the idea over. “I could…pose as some sort of employee of the agency who originally installed the system. I could claim I was there for a checkup because someone had hacked the system and possibly attempted to break in or something. Then I could definitely be sure which sort of security system Shido has. But why?”

“Well…as far as I’m concerned, the system probably isn’t installed on the windows. If Futaba could try and copy the current system, rebuild it and adapt it for the windows…Then we could lock all the doors and windows as soon as the gas bombs set off. Assuming Futaba can do something like this, of course- and you, Morgana, would somehow be able to install this new system on the windows as well.”

The hacker girl piped up. “Oh, that shouldn’t be too difficult! I know a lot of these fuzzy dumb security systems, anyway- they’re totally a joke. I frequently mess with the security in governmental buildings for fun, so I doubt this will be more difficult.” She laughed, as if this was something normal.

“And re-programming the security system to have some sort of upgrade on the windows shouldn’t be too difficult, either, provided that Morgana here cooperates.”

“Of course I will!” Morgana was more than just enthusiastic. “We should probably expect that someone will attempt to call the security agency to verify my story, though.”

“Oh, I could try and mess with the signal, redirect it elsewhere!” Futaba was nearly jumping. “Then Ann could make this more believable by acting all professional and whatnot!”

The model smiled. “That doesn’t sound too difficult!”

“That sounds great.” Goro hadn’t even believed they could come this far by merely putting their wild ideas together and… making them work surprisingly well.

He took a deep breath, aware that the next step of the plan would be the most difficult.

“If Shido finishes beating me up and orders his goons to get rid of me, one of you- I was thinking of you, Ren, because I know you can lift me- could try and take me away for ‘more punishment’ or something like that. After electrocuting the goons in case they grow suspicious, we could take one of the fire escapes to flee.”

“Right, so I should ask Iwai for electrocuters, too? Wow, babe, you’re crazy mad.”

“Well, will you ask or not?”

“Of course I will.” Ren almost seemed a little hurt.

But Goro didn’t have time to think about that, too busy with mapping the plan further out. “So once this is taken care of- we need a quick getaway. Morgana, you should be waiting in some sort of van so you can drive me, Ren, Akira, Makoto, Ryuji and Sumire safely away.”

Complete and utter silence was his answer.

Unsure what the silence meant, Goro spoke up again. “I mean, this only works if Iwai can sell us the sleeping gas, and we still need to pay for-“

“Leave the monetary things to me”, Haru firmly threw in. “If you ever become rich, you may pay me back. But for now, use all that you can, Akechi.”

The detective was grateful for her words.

“Alright, let’s go over this one more time- Haru, you need to ask for the blueprints. We should also ask Iwai for sleeping gas and electrocuters, while we’re at it. Maybe his shady shop can prove us some good here, and these are the most crucial things we need.”

Goro took a deep breath. “If this works, we need to proceed with the second phase of the plan, meaning Futaba and Morgana infiltrate the building and find the code of the security system. Then, they install the upgrade.”

“And the third phase would be…The replica of the building is done being constructed, so we begin analyzing and exploiting the entire vent system or other weak spots.”

Goro nodded approvingly at Akira’s contribution.

“Duuuuuuude”, Ryuji yelled, “What the fuuuuuck- how did you even think all of this up in a mere second?! Like, wowzies, I really don’t want to be your enemy?!”

“He’s been working alongside the police for years now…Of course he knows his way around capturing criminals. But wow, if I were, let’s say, a thief- you’d be hot on my trail, wouldn’t you, babe?”

Goro grinned cheekily. “I’d catch you on your first heist.”

“Oh, no way-“

“Uh, guys, not to interrupt your cute flirting, but…” Ann spoke up, “This sounds…like a plan. I mean, there are some risks involved here, but…It’s better than sitting around and doing nothing. And if this plan fails at some point, we can always think up something else!”

“Speaking of”, Makoto threw in, “It’s always good to have a backup plan. If anything goes wrong- the biggest factor being Shido- we need…something to fall back on except retreat.”

Goro folded his hands. “I actually…have a plan for that, too.”

_It’s what I’ve been thinking about way back when Sojiro first threw me out, actually._

“What do you think about…letting the popular Detective Prince die in front of an entire country- all of them being a witness to Shido’s irrefutable crime?”

At first, there was only silence.

Then, Ren slammed his fist against the table. “What the _fuck,_ Goro- we’re here to save you from death, not let you die!”

The rest of his friends didn’t look very happy about the idea, either.

“I know”, Goro sighed, “Listen, I don’t plan on actually dying. It just needs to look like I was shot, for example- and therefore must’ve died, of course.”

“How?!”

“Maybe with a bulletproof vest that somehow- splatters blood upon impact?” The detective knew he was grasping at straws here, but it was the best alternative. “And then I could- swallow a pill that sends me to sleep or something. Then I’d be completely at the goon’s mercy, but-“

Ren hated the idea, and he made sure to tell Goro over and over again before the detective could elaborate any further.

“Ren, you have a doctor friend, right? And that shady weapon dealer. So maybe ask them to cooperate together before you throw Goro’s idea-”

“Akira, how can you possibly think of supporting this?!” Again, Ren’s fist collided with the table, and fear spoke out of his expression.

“He wouldn’t really die, Ren, and it’s our best-“

“But so many things could go wrong!”

“We don’t have much of any other choice-“

“No, there must be-“

“Enough”, Goro yelled, effectively shutting the twins up.

“Ren…” The brunet massaged his temples. “Maybe you should step back for a bit and…cool down.”

Ren’s fear turned into disdain- anger.

“Letting you walk into his office and hoping to leave with a few scratches and punches done to you is already a big risk, Goro. And what if Shido decides to kill you on the spot? What if he ends up shooting you in the head- the arms- the legs- to make you suffer? To hear you cry? To see you bleed dry in front of him?”

“Too much of a mess in his office. He wouldn’t risk that- I’m not worth that much trouble.”

“What if he thinks you are, babe?”

Goro found no rebuttal to that, and his nickname sounded sour on Ren’s tongue for the first time in a long while.

When he realized, however, that his lover was dead-set on the idea of dying- Ren quickly stomped up the stairs to the attic, leaving the rest of the group in awkward silence.

“I understand why he reacted like that”, Yusuke chipped in. “If I were to think of my own love being put into such danger…It’d hurt me.”

“I know what you mean”, Morgana agreed, glancing at Ann, “But…this is for Goro’s sake as much as his, isn’t it?”

Goro leaned back, refraining from answering.

“But if we don’t act, Shido might even end up governor of the country, and who knows what he’s planning to do then! No one would be able to get in his way anymore for sure- and we can’t let a tyrant like that rule over the country, can we?!” Ann’s powerful statement caused the entire group to agree.

Quickly, Makoto took up on steering the topic back to organizing and forging plans. The group decided unanimously to carry on with the plan of infiltration Goro set up.

Even without the raven.

Goro had feared it might come to this.

“You are aware…that your actions are steering into illegal territory, though? Participating and helping me will undoubtedly lead you into carrying a heavy conscience.”

“But we’re fighting evil! And we’re not going to end up hurting any innocent people, with the exceptions being people from the Yakuza. If anything…Ren and you will end up hurting the most”, Haru replied.

Sumire nodded. “Exactly! Besides, we’d be suffering much more if we just stood by and let Shido get his hands on you. Oh! How about we use nicknames to carry the mission through?”

“Ohhhh, and we could be wearing costumes!” Ann threw in. Her idea was dismissed by Futaba.

“Imagine people sneaking into vents and running outside a governmental building in tacky outfits- that would attract attention for sure. No, costumes are out of the question, but the idea with the codenames isn’t bad. Maybe we’d need a costume for Ren if he does agree to act as a guard, though- he’d have to blend in with the uniform Shido’s employees are wearing! Yusuke, do you think you could help?!”

Excited chatter rose, and while Goro asked himself what he’d done to deserve such an idiotic, but loyal group of friends, Ren crept back downstairs and slid into the booth.

He looked miserable, but Goro hadn’t expected anything else.

“My words were harsh, but I think-“

Ren tiredly raised his hand.

“I get it. Fighting evil requires dangerous and risky plans, right?”

Though his words were offering a truce, the sadness in his eyes did not disappear.

More details were hashed out- Goro thought using Iwai’s toy gun as a possible trick to rile Shido up would be a good idea, while Akira wondered if Goro could get Shido to use it himself- it could be used as evidence of a murder weapon if worst came to worst, provided Sae covered the fact up that the gun wasn’t real.

After realizing how dangerous and risky the plan was in its entirety, Makoto told the group that her sister would no doubt be against this, and she could possibly refuse to cooperate.

“I’d suggest…we don’t outright tell her what we’re planning. More like inform her something big will go down the day before the election near Shido’s office, and if she feels like cooperating, we’ll inform her to use gas masks before she ends up storming in or something the like.”

“No, we should use someone’s voice from an untraceable phone number and obscure it to inform her and check on her. We should tell her not to say anything to any bystanders until the moment ‘things’ actually end up happening, and be ready to receive a phone call with further instructions on how to storm the office.” Futaba was in her element.

“But how?” Ryuji asked.

Yet another idea bloomed in Goro’s head.

“We could use my voice”, he mused.

“That could backfire”, Makoto threw in.

“Of course, so what do you think about this? Over the course of the next few months, I could tell her more and more things about Shido’s heinous crimes with the disguise of the mystery caller- the evidence she’s lacking and will undoubtedly ask for will probably be stored on Shido’s personal laptop.”

“Ah, you mean-“

“Correct. I’ll tell her she can get access to the ‘proof’ the day dawns where we set out on our plan. If she does grow suspicious and wonders who called her up, she might end up comparing the voice to people she’s close to- and find some similarities between me and the mysterious caller. I doubt she’d do something drastical the second she realizes this, but if she confronts me about the calls, I’d play dumb.”

“But, Akechi, do you think she’d…listen?” Makoto seemed unsure.

“I guess that’s just another gear in our plan we’ll have to label as ‘risky’. Heck, everything we’re planning here relies on some luck at some point- but we need to try!” It was Ryuji who pepped everyone up.

“But if our backup plan really is triggered, we need to contact my sister and tell her what she saw wasn’t quite real, so she covers up the fact that the gun is a fake, and that she needs to act as if Akechi truly is dead! Or inform her he didn’t die if she doesn’t realize it any sooner…”

The evening continued long into the night…

***

Sae listened with interest as Goro’s story came to a close- or their combined story, actually.

“I cannot _believe_ all of you youngsters pulled such a crazy plan off- frankly, if I wasn’t so tired and exhausted from the day, all of you would be suffering some sort of punishment for being so reckless. But…I suppose I can understand what caused you all to these actions…”

She sighed, throwing a look at Sojiro, whose face was the epitome of disapproval and worry. “I’m assuming these kids didn’t inform you, either, did they?”

“Hey, we’re not kids!” Futaba protested, but was quickly silenced by Haru.

“No…but if I did know…I wonder how I’d have reacted.” Sojiro moved closer to Goro, who in turn grew unbearably nervous, despite Ren’s warm presence at his side.

The café owner pinched both of their cheeks. “My heart is old, reckless punks. Don’t ever pull anything the sort ever again.”

“If all goes well, we won’t need to…right, Miss Nijima?” Ren sounded hopeful.

The prosecutor stared at the couple, then threw another glance at the worried group of friends around them.

“Well, for good or for worse- your actions have caused a malicious man to be put behind bars. Even if we end up with no evidence for the rest of his crimes, the entire country heard and saw him murder his son- which is a crime he can’t run away from.”

Goro held his breath- and it seemed like so did everyone else.

“First of all…Shido will remain in jail forever, that much is sure. The country is in an uproar and would start to question the justice system if he ever walked free again- though in a way, it was the very same system that made him acquire so much power…”

“If the law is only useful as long as someone with good intent makes use of it, it’s a failure”, Akira muttered quietly. “It’s there to protect the people and serve the common good, not to be exploited and turned against the innocent as a weapon.”

“Wise words”, Sae hummed. “In this case…Shido’s been using the law as he pleased. Like when it comes to the fate of you twins.”

Akira nodded, throwing a glance towards Ren and Goro. “I informed her of everything once she got Shido arrested and needed to gather evidence, witnesses and testimonies. Ren and my case must be overturned, and will also throw more bad lightning on Shido and his misdeeds. I am aware Mother and Father will suffer from this, too, but I have not a shred of pity for them for abandoning you for so many years, Ren.”

Said raven only managed a weak laugh.

“Indeed. But even your case is complicated and requires dedication to the task. I have requested help from overseas to ensure no one uses dirty tricks to cover up the truth anymore- but your case is not the only one that needs revising. Countless cases- such as the ones Akechi himself covered up- need to be judged and opened anew.”

The procecutor ran a hand through her hair. “The trial of Masayoshi Shido will take months, even with help. It is not an exaggeration when I say this is going to be a trial for centuries to remember.”

Sae smiled lightly. “Thanks to the mysterious phone calls you left me over time- that are now saved on my phone with your voice decrypted, funnily- we’ll have another witness against Shido. However, phone calls and records are only marginally trustable. It is possible that I cannot conduct investigations on some of the cases without a proper witness.”

Goro felt like he knew where this was heading.

“A few people will know of the fact that Goro Akechi couldn’t die from a toy gun, no matter what tricks I pull. But these people are prone to keep their mouths shut if you are willing to cooperate when it comes to uncovering more of Shido’s crimes. In turn, we’ll provide you protection, of course- the common people will never know you walk among the living-“

“If you enact the Witness Protection Program, isn’t it?” Goro sneered.

The prosecutor nodded. “A witness, in some cases, needs to be hidden from the public to ensure its safety. The witness was usually involved in a case of utmost importance. The good thing is you’ll never have to stand up in court ever again, because a few statements and phone recordings would be enough for us to investigate and incriminate Shido-“

“But there’s a catch”, Ren interrupted, his voice steely, even if he had no idea where this was heading.

Akira nodded, looking conflicted. “The witness’s identity will be concealed for all but a few people, and never will more people be informed that the witness is alive except this original group. But in order to ensure no one knows the key witness to a trial is alive…he’ll have to forfeit his old life.”

“Wait, forfeit his old life?” Ryuji’s brows furrowed, and Ann seemed alarmed.

Akira nodded gravely. “In case a trial of utmost importance- for example, threatening security across the country- relies on witness testimony…Well, I guess you may understand if his or her protection has utmost priority.”

The raven cleared his throat.

“The catch is, is that his or her identity need to be hidden from everyone and everything, even his own friends and family. Meaning Akechi…would never be allowed to get into contact with any of us ever again, as that would risk his identity being revealed. In a way, we’re even lucky that we know he’s alive right now- most people never end up knowing their loved one is alive out there.”

Protest rose almost immediately- but Goro made them all hush with a motion of his hand, a frown on his face. He felt Ren’s hands dig into his skin, felt the alarm in his body- but he needed to ask something before dismissing the idea.

“What happens if I refuse to participate in the Witness Protection Program?”

Sae thought about it for a while.

“Well, first of all…we could try our best to cover the fact up that the gun fired was in fact a toy gun, but truth would get out inevitably. Which would make people question the trial in itself- maybe boldly declare the livestream as a trick, and the statements Shido gave off as a lie.”

A sigh escaped her. “If we ended up declaring you dead for everyone even in the juridical system, some of your statements might not end up being investigated due to lack of incriminating witnesses and proof. Worst comes to worst…Shido would run free again.”

“What?!” Ryuji’s scream drowned out anyone else’s. “What kind of bullshit is that?!”

“Worse, we might need to investigate who made use of sleeping gas to put the entire building into sleep and question their intentions. We’d have to uncover the fact that there was a hacker- an ally to Akechi- who made sure the windows and doors were locked until the police stormed in.”

Dread settled over the group. Sumire begun crying quietly. “Does this mean- but this is- unfair! We did our best to- and now-?”

“Are you telling us all our work would be for naught if we- if we don’t agree to never see Akechi again and- and mourn his death?” Even Makoto seemed shocked.

“It’s unfair”, Sae relented, “That much is true. But if Akechi decides to hide from the law…”

The prosecutor had a sad smile on her lips.

“It will make the question arise how trustable a witness Goro Akechi was in the first place.”

Silence.

Then Ren started to laugh. At first, it was a small chuckle- before it grew louder and louder, turning hysterical. Tears streamed down his face, and he even let go of an alarmed Goro, pushing him away as he slid out of the booth.

“Fucking fate hates us, doesn’t it? Nothing we do- nothing- never will life let us live the way we want to- never do we- get what we want! First, I watch my boyfriend get murdered, and when he comes back to life, I have to stand and watch as he’s pried away once more, forever?!“

Futaba ran up to the raven, but she was gently pushed away into Sojiro’s arms.

“Fuck, what did I do all this shit for- why did I never give up in the first place-“ Hysterical laughter rose from Ren’s throat, filling the entire café.

“Hey, Ren-“

“No- no, you shut up, brother, all of you- I don’t want to hear a thing- I- give me some space, okay? Actually, fuck that. Why don’t I just burn the entire fucking world, why did I not just take up a real gun and shot that motherfucker dead?! You know what, what if I did that now, what if I- I need to-“

He stormed out of Leblanc before anyone could stop him.

Ryuji said he was going to go after him to check that he didn’t end up doing anything stupid, but that he’d make his presence unknown. With that, the blonde stormed off as well.

More dread settled in the café, and as Ann begun sniffling, Haru and Makoto began crying as well. Yusuke and Morgana tried hushing them, pulling them into hugs- but it was clear they were fighting off their own tears as well.

And Goro?

Goro felt numb.

Of course he couldn’t risk Shido ever walking out on the streets again- he’d rather end up dying before being the cause for his freedom. And who knew how he’d take revenge? In a way, Goro would be back in the vicious cycle from before- no, this was impossible. He couldn’t risk this.

But if he ended up participating in the program, and ended up abandoning all his hard-won friends, his family…Ren…where would be the joy in his life? It was impossible to think he’d ever fall in love with someone again, especially not in the same way.

_I’m not that dependent on him. Of course I could manage a life some way or another._

_But at this point, I’m desperate enough to borrow Akira’s words. I feel like he’s my soulmate, and if he’s pried away…_

_Nothing will ever seem to have meaning in life anymore. It’ll be like shredding my soul apart._

_Or letting my Mother die all over again._

_I can’t let this happen. I can’t let him go. Not after what I did to him, I still need to-_

_No._

_Am I back at a Crossroad?_

_But the feeling of being afraid and having to choose this time around is on an entirely different level altogether._

_Can someone burn the dread that clings to my soul?_

_It swallows me whole. I can’t think straight anymore._

_Why?!_

Well, life fucking hated him, that was for sure.

“Miss Nijima…”

To everyone’s surprise, Akira spoke up. He had a determined look on his face, his resolve steeled and unwavering.

“What do you think you’re doing? You’ve heard of someone being abused and mistreated his whole life, and now you threaten him with letting exact abuser roam the streets again?”

Sae’s smile fell. “It isn’t my choice-“

“No, it fucking is! Didn’t you just agree that the law should be there to protect people and help them?! What kind of fucking system is this, that forces someone to abandon his happiness and his life to ensure a criminal suffers behind bars?!”

“I told you, it’s not-“

“No! No, I’m not giving up. I’m not going to let this bullshit crap of a justice system tear us all apart. Not after all the way we’ve come- not after all Ren and Akechi suffered through! Akechi, pull yourself together! Are you really going to let it end like that?!”

Goro was thrown out of his stupor, and the flame of rebellion flickered up inside him.

_I won’t be torn apart._

_I will ensure Shido gets his punishment and that I can stay with everyone here._

_Or else I wouldn’t be able to fulfil my Mother’s wish of finding happiness._

_And fuck yes will I stay with Ren forever. Why did I ever think I’d have to choose?_

_I’ll wreak havoc if I need to, wherever I want to- and I will take all that I want._

_That includes him. I won’t let him go._

_And neither will he let me go._

“Makoto, stop crying for a second”, Akira demanded, “Tell me, who does the Witness Protection Program apply to?”

Makoto wiped her tears and snot away. “Anyone whose…life could be endangered if the aggressor walked free again.”

Goro realized what Akira was playing at as the raven threw him a mischievous smile.

“Shido saw Ren in his office- it could be possible that Shido realizes the guard was a phony if he sees the twins in the upcoming trial. Then not only my own life would be in danger again, but Ren’s as well. Because Shido would make sure he’d die for deceiving him like that- no doubt his connections could easily trace Ren back to me, finding out he’s close and loyal.”

“Your point being?” Sae sharply asked.

“Meaning that Ren would have to become part of the program as well-“

“Yes, but even if he did end up in it, that would tear the both of you even further apart. Ren and you seem to have some undeniable connection, so the program would need to ensure the two of you live on opposite ends of the world.”

Futaba gasped, but Goro remained undeterred.

“Fine, file Ren away for a bit. Imagine I don’t cooperate with you. Instead, despite danger lurking everywhere, I do yet another TV appearance or a livestream- reveal myself to the world. I could tell the world what a failure our justice system is.”

Goro’s voice turned vicious. “I could tell them how corrupt every single prosecutor and defender is. The police- all under one man’s thumb, listening to his every heed and call, ignoring what justice and law in itself are there for.”

“Akechi, what are you-“

“Imagine the panic on the streets once people stop believing in the power of law. Imagine the people whose family or friends have been imprisoned- they’d storm the streets and yell for another trial at best, or try to rescue their loved ones from prison itself at worst. The country would fall into a frenzy- anarchy would rule.”

“What’s your point?” Sae narrowed her eyes.

Funny how the role he hated playing the most in his life turned into a weapon for his own advantage.

“My point, Miss Nijima…is that I, a tragic, abused Detective Prince, have the power to influence masses. Sure, my audience were mostly teenage girls, but after the recent killing…even other people must have started taking interest in me, am I right?”

“That’s- true, but-“

“Right. So, if the tragic Detective Prince appears on stage once again and tells the country how corrupt the system is, how everything they believed in was a lie…do you think people would sit still? My sole purpose as a detective is to uncover the truth…yet, at the same time- I hold the power to decide the truth as well, depending on how I twist the words.”

Sae looked furious.

Goro smiled. “You shouldn’t _help_ me cover up my death- you need to be afraid, first and foremost, what happens if I show my face again. I am more than just willing to cooperate and spill names of the truly unjust and corrupted in our system- it’s a chance to reform the way our country works, after all. But…I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness for the imprisonment of one son of a bitch who’s clearly a criminal.”

“So the catch is?”

Anticipation rose in every single one of his friends, as well as himself.

“The catch is- we strike a deal. Me and Ren participate in a milder version of the Witness Protection Program- if he’s willing, that is- and our identities will be changed and covered up. I obviously died a tragic death, and I’m sure you can think up some idea for Ren’s death as well.”

Goro’s smile began to glow. “We can move to some other town, country, whatever- but we will stay together. And the time span we have to stay there is limited. In that time span, I’ll cooperate in any way possible- uncover Shido’s inner circle, that is. It’ll be your job to ensure they land behind jail bars.”

“What on earth-“

“It’s your opportunity to reform. There are many things I didn’t tell you about- I was a witness to Shido’s actions for nine years. Nine! I know for a fact that the Police Chief, my own Deputy Chief and many others are part of the conspiracy, and I know the secret code names Shido uses to cover up relationships you know nothing about.”

By now, Goro’s smile was dripping with glee. “Trust me when I say that without an agent- part of the conspiracy himself- uncovering what Shido did and who was involved would be impossible.”

Sae looked extremely unhappy.

“His conspiracy reaches wide, Miss Nijima. Even if you manage to lock him behind bars, that doesn’t ensure some ally of his won’t take over his position and ends up abusing the entire country. Worst comes to worst, a second Shido could raise up and end up doing the same shitty things all over again.”

When Sae remained quiet, Goro pressed on. “It’s like cutting the head of a Hydra off- in place of Shido, more people end up continuing his ‘regency’, if you may call it that. And who says they’re not a tad more evil than him? Instead of drugging one small city, drugs could be distributed everywhere- imagine the catastrophy.”

“Get to the point, Akechi”, the prosecutor hissed.

An amused smile tug at the corner of Goro’s lips. “Oh, gladly. Anyway, as you can see- there are many ways you could end up with a much greater catastrophy on your hands if we don’t see eye to eye.”

The detective took a moment to think things over. “Except changing our identities by providing new passports and the like, and let’s say- cutting off contact for a limited time span- you don’t need to offer us any more protection than you’re willing to give. I am actually more than just happy to hide my true identity forever- no one will ever know the Detective Prince is alive.”

_Actually, this might even be what I had been wishing and hoping for for all my life._

“Just a plain guy called Goro, who finished high school and has not yet applied for higher education, as well as another plain guy called Ren- same applies to him. Shido isn’t interested in pursuing me forever- he’s more interested in manipulating positions of power and getting out of jail again. You _know_ we need to prevent that from happening, Prosecutor Nijima.”

Sae looked a bit taken aback at being addressed like that.

“I just wish to spend my life the way I want- with the people I choose. I don’t want to endanger anyone, but the chance that Shido will come after me- if you actually show him a picture of my corpse and a forged autopsy report- is marginally grim. And my friends wouldn’t be endangered this way, either.”

The prosecutor chewed on her thumb.

“If you manage to catch Kaneshiro and keep Okumura behind bars, this danger level will sink even lower. I’m not interesting enough for the conspiracy to investigate after once my death’s been confirmed. And I don’t actively feel like threatening the justice system in a whole, either, actually. But if the system does not allow me to spend a life in happiness while pursuing evil-“

Goro’s eyebrows drew together, his mouth a firm line. He stood up, walked out of the booth and stood in the middle of the room, facing her still.

“Then, frankly, I don’t see the point in protecting and supporting this system.”

Distantly, he remembered Iwai’s words, and almost laughed at how similar they sounded by now- the sentiment behind their words was the same by now.

_Turns out asking for protection really does require a lot, Iwai. And the system is indeed a failure._

_But I’ll do my damn best to acquire happiness for everyone here and turn this around._

_Especially for my own sake, and for Ren's._

_Life has fucked us over often enough, so..._

_It's time for payback!_

“I understand the concept of the Witness Protection Program- but isn’t it mostly used with people who lost everything, anyway? Nothing held them back from participating, as far as I remember from reading. I’ve died once already, Sae.”

The change in her address shocked Sae, and even moreso the soft tone Goro took on.

“I don’t wish to die a second death and give up the people I call- my family.”

To say Sae was surprised would be an understatement. Never in her entire life had she heard the boy in front of her speak fondly of anyone- and now he was calling an entire group of people his family?

Her train of thought was interrupted by a high pitched squeal. However, it wasn’t Ann that flung herself at Goro, but…Morgana.

“Akeeechiiii…we love you too! We like you- sooooo- muchhh!” Tears and snot ran down his face, and Goro, after a moment of surprise, did his best to shove the boy away.

To no avail, because there was an avalanche of people throwing themselves at him now. “Akechi, you big, big sap”, Sae heard Akira laugh, “Fuck, Ren’s missing out. Futaba, did you record this?”

“Oh, you bet I did”, the ginger haired girl said as she hugged Goro’s leg tightly, “He’s going to hear this his entire life long, I bet my entire collection of anime figurines!”

“You’re going to stay with us”, Ann cried.

“Fuck, get off me”, Goro screeched, but to no avail.

Amused, the prosecutor watched as slowly, everyone pried themselves off of Goro- who had turned as red as a tomato. He looked like he could combust on the spot when the café owner patted him wordlessly on the head.

The brunet slid back into the booth and didn’t dare to look Sae in the eye again.

By now, the prosecutor had to suppress a laugh.

“Alright, I see…so you’re pleading for something here, are you not?”

“Well, he could also threaten you with having me hack into governmental buildings and wreak havoc across the country as Medjed while reverting the country to anarchy, but- yeah! Akechi is asking for a favor”, Futaba giggled.

“Medjed?” Sae furrowed her brows. “That international, infamous hacker? His name keeps getting abused by hacker attacks across the world, but he reappears and repairs cyber security all by himself while clearing his name quite often. Are you telling me-“

“Yeah, that’s me!”

Sojiro groaned loudly in the background.

_Well, that explains why hijacking Shido’s security was a walk in the park for her, as well as putting a livestream across the country._

_I shouldn’t mess with her._

“And- the rest of us might only be boring students without any supernatural abilities, but- all of us have connections we could use to rile Akechi up and support him! Don’t forget I’m part of the media, too!” Ann was avid in supporting Futaba.

Before anyone else begun speaking up, Sae relented with a laugh.

“Alright. I can’t promise anything as of now, but…if I ignore the underlying threats and present Akechi’s idea and worries to the higher ups- or the lawyers from overseas- maybe we can find a consensus. I could at least attempt and tell them of this…deal.”

A cheer echoed through the café, and hope surged up again.

“Still, you might as well start up thinking up names for your future identities now, Akechi. I’d advise changing your entire name, but I can understand if you and Ren both wish to keep your first names at least. Oh, and don't forget to think up new birth dates, too.”

_Well, my new birth date is already clear, really._

An idea occurred to Goro- a conversation from old times resurging inside of him.

“Miss Niji-“

“Gosh, stop using formal languages already. Stick to Sae!”

“Sae.” Goro cleared his throat. “We do know Ren’s last name was forcibly changed when he was younger- from Kurusu to Amamiya.”

“Oh, yes, I know. I researched a little yesterday- while his parents issued a new passport for him with a new name and all that, this was clearly illegal. They must have believed he was never going to travel outside the country ever again- because his name in the official systems was never changed, just the one in his passport and his supposed criminal file.”

She chuckled a little. "It’d certainly would have raised some questions at the border if they ever caught him with a semi-forged passport. The police did a terrible job at controlling this, too-his name was altered quickly after he got out of juvenile detention, his file changed- must have been an insider, a friend of their parents with a lot of power. The name will definitely be re-altered again, but the charges he’d been pressed with were all wrong, anyway, so the file will be deleted in its entirety.”

“So he will be presented to the court as Ren Kurusu, correct?”

“Yes, if the situation requires it at all. Due do the priority of protecting him and his name, we’ll probably refer to him as the younger brother of the Kurusu’s- same goes for Akira Kurusu, just with ‘older’ attached to him, of course. Why?”

Akira threw Goro a knowing glance.

“You know, I’d tell you to think this over, but…actually, your idea might just be the thing to help him out of his slump.”

“Oh, he _will_ like it- trust me.”

An old memory of a conversation resurfaced…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is really long and complicated, so I'm cutting this for your own sanity's sake (because I certainly lost mine editing this, lol). If you still have any questions, feel free to ask! (Or to point something out I forgot to include LMAO)  
> I somehow ended up rewriting the entire flashback, merely because the order in which the ideas were presented was so weird and confusing...IT TOOK ME SO MUCH TIME TO PUT THIS ENTIRE SCENE INTO COHERENT AND LOGIC ORDER HAHAHA.  
> And of course I need to inject some more angst after that finale, what did you expect??? FLUFF????  
> Seriously though, this chapter had extreme potential for a bad ending scene HAHAHAHAH  
> Also the way Akira surges up as a hero in this scene....HRRRRRR baby. Baby boy. Precious.  
> And Ren needs a hug xD  
> BUT ALSO DID YOU SPOT THE REFERENCE TO THE NO MORE WHAT IF'S AGAIN yes I'm a sap I couldn't hold myself back
> 
> UGHHHHH MY HEART IS WEEPING WE'RE REALLY CLOSING IN ON THE END AAAAAHHH NOOOOO
> 
> Also about Goro's new bday: he realizes normal people wouldn't pick anyone's death day as something to associate with (but I mean it's his own lmao), but when has he ever thought in black and white patterns? He wants to treasure the memory of his Mother from now on, a gift of life she granted him, and Ren will always celebrate Goro's original birth date, too, anyway.  
> So technically, he has two birthdays per year now, one in honor of his Mother (because if you remember, her birthday was 02/02) and his own...  
> I totally forgot to mention what Ren picked as his new birthday, but I'll work it into the epilogue THAT'S COMING UP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm crying bye  
> and also your comments fuel my lonely soul, so please don't leave me


	58. What's in a Name, he asked; everything and nothing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Dath the Moon still be as pretty had it not been called the Moon?  
> I lied. This is the shortest chapter of all.  
> I REALLY HAD TO MAKE THIS ITS OWN CHAPTER BECAUSE OF THE TITLE I REALLY WANTED THIS CHAPTER TITLE LET ME MESS WITH MY PACING FOR THE SAKE OF INCLUDING THIS TITLE OKAY THANKS  
> I TOLD YOU I'M A SAP FOR SHAKESPEARE

“How did it feel like to live with a different last name, Ren?” Goro and Ren had been playing chess before abandoning the game for some good old cuddling on the terrible couch.

“Hm?”

“Oh, I don’t mean to be inappropriate. It’s just that- was it hard to adjust? I’m curious.”

Ren’s head tipped back. “Hmm…no, not really. I mean, it would have been weird to sign any official documents with a different last name, but…somehow, I suppose all official documents were still signed by my parents or something. They must have forged a contract where I gave them legal power. Not that I care- nothing of it was ever important. I always got letters for when whatever process had been required was finished.”

Ren sighed as Goro gave him a kiss, melting into the touch. He talked on.

“Except introducing myself and applying for jobs…I never really had to actively use my new name. Sure, sometimes they wrote the name on my name tag, but I just…I didn’t feel contempt towards the name or something.”

The raven shrugged.

“So you don’t feel anything about it?”

“Not really? It’s- sort of like an empty blank paper in my mind. The name’s clean of any crime- I’ve never associated with the name Amamiya much. I’m sure it wasn’t even my parents who picked it- just the choice of whoever friend helped them change my name. They wouldn’t bother to think anything up.”

“So is that all you think of it?”

His lover took a moment to think about this.

“Hmmmm…I guess because the name is so empty- it’s sort of…lonely? I don’t associate anything with it- for good, and for bad. No memories, no feelings.”

“I see”, Goro answered absent-mindedly, scratching the skin of Ren’s neck slightly, and earning himself a purr.

“Why did you even think about that? Got bored of cuddling with me?”

“No, I just-“ Goro yelped when Ren flipped them around, burying his lover under him and straddling his hips.

“I think I need to make your pretty little head empty of any thoughts, babe.” A seductive smile appeared on the raven's face.

Before Goro lost track of his thoughts and gave in to nothing but lust and feeling, he was able to form one last question:

“So would you keep the name- ah, Ren, wait- if you had the choice?”

“What sort of choice?”

“To adapt- any name possible-hnnnn-“ His lover’s sneaky hand had already reached under his underwear, squeezing his rapidly growing erection lightly in an attempt to rile the brunet up.

“Oh babe, stop thinking so much and give in already. To answer your question, though- I guess I wouldn’t really care. If anything…I’d like to adapt the same name as my loved one, though…”

The brunet nearly missed the last part as Ren’s lips left a trail of hot kisses on his abdomen, darting downwards as Goro’s trousers and underwear fell to the ground…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After having one single smut scene that lasted 14k, my brain did not cooperate anymore when it came to the matter of sex. I might actually re-write this chapter in the sense that I could continue the make-out session, but it'd be nothing more than pure smut this time around HAHA so well. For now, this was okay, I think?


	59. An oath they pledged; an oath they add; a love to last forever...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****THIS IS NOT THE END AND NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER SO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE YET AHAHAHAHAH *****
> 
> Alright. Folks. This is almost the end, so let me get some words in beforehand:  
> Originally, this chapter wasn't roughly 5.5k long. It was a sorry excuse of 1k that I wanted to fade in into to the epilogue until one of you (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) left a certain lil comment and inspired me to FINALLY get this scene done the way I wanted it to. Because I was really unhappy with it at first, but now? It's great. I love it. And I hope you do, too.  
> ENJOY!

With a snap, Goro came back to reality. “Akeeeechiiiii…”

Akira stared at him with concern written all across his face.

“Oh, my apologies. I got lost in thought there.”

_Good fucking call, Akira, really._

“Okay. Well, Miss Nijima is leaving soon- she’s already at the door, actually.”

Indeed, the prosecutor had already pressed down the handle of the door, biding her goodbye to him once his gaze settled on her. “I’ll try to be in contact as soon as I have more information ready,” she said.

With a last glance at Makoto, she told her sister not to stay out too late and headed out.

“Akira.”

“Hm?”

“I’m pretty sure I know where Ren is.”

“Oh, you do? I was just about to call Ryuji, actually-“

“I want to go there myself, but…I’m aware even with the cloak of darkness and the protection of the night hiding me, it might be too dangerous.”

“Yeah, let’s not take any risks right now. You said Shido’s men wouldn’t be out for you, but-“

“Revenge is always on their mind. I’m fairly sure once time has passed and my existence fades from people’s minds, they will lose interest, too. Without an official death confirmation, however, I don’t want to risk being seen or heard for now- not to mention it’d put all of you at risk as well. Would you do something for me?”

“Sure.”

“I’m fairly sure he’s at the playgrounds at Inokashira Park- maybe on the swings or the seesaw. Call me when you’re there- and hand him the phone. He’s forgotten his own in my pocket- don’t ask me why he put it in there.”

“You could also use Ryuji’s phone-“

“Yes, but our blonde rowdy did his best to hide himself in his pursuit, didn’t he? If we trust his words, at least. I don’t want to put his work to shame. As soon as you and Ren head back, he’ll end up making himself seen, anyway, but I don’t want to force himself to reveal his presence for now.”

“Alright.” Akira headed for the door, warning the rest of the group not to go too wild. Luckily, Sojiro assured him he’d keep an eye on them.

“I want a slumber party tonight!” Futaba yelled, and the rest of the group eagerly agreed, Ann working out the details.

“We can borrow some of your clothes, Futaba, right? Maybe we should drag some sleeping bags over, too- I doubt sleeping on the ground in the attic is very pleasant.”

“Wait, what?” Confused, Goro let his attention wander over to the rest of his friends.

“Well, obviously we’re throwing the sleepover here, duh! Who knows how long we’ll still be able to spend time together? And when you guys will have to leave? We need to make use of every minute and second now!”

Goro tried arguing, but even he was powerless against the combined force of all the girls pouncing on him. Even Makoto joined in on.

“I’m really surprised you, of all people, consider sleeping over…”

“Well, working together to bring a criminal down somehow made all of us stick together, didn’t it? I can’t say you’re my favorite person in the world, but…I don’t hate you anymore, Akechi. You’re too much of a hidden sap for that.”

“I’m _not_ a sap!” The brunet’s cheeks flushed red, and he earned himself a chuckle from the girl that once hated him to death.

“You are. If you even so much glance at Ren, your love is plainly visible. And…well, your past actions, your behavior, your words…”

Makoto’s features softened, and she granted Goro a smile. “I apologize for never giving you a real chance in the past, Akechi. But I would very much like one now, if you’d grant me one- at being…part of your…your family. And that doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you might be leaving soon, really.”

“Huh.”

“I do understand, given my past words and my animosity towards you, however…You might be inclined not to trust my words. Really.”

_After you risked your life to infiltrate a building and planted bombs in there for my sake?_

Goro huffed. “While it’s true I have difficulties in…mending our relationship…I did always appreciate your intelligence, you know. You should carry yourself more proudly from now on- I’m sure…that would make your deceased ones happy as well.”

A soft gasp escaped the girl, tears shimmering in her eyes. She barely whispered a thank you out, alongside a grateful smile, before she hushed away- surely in an attempt to cover her tears.

Ann, who saw the situation play out, patted him on the shoulder. “You really are a sap.”

“Shut up.” His cheeks were still on fire.

Morgana- whom Goro swore had to be drunk by now, even though no one had access to alcohol under the watchful eye of one older man- threw himself at the brunet, wailing: “Oh my gosh Akechiiiii, we’re family!”

“Get off me!”

And Goro definitely didn’t miss the way Futaba threw on the ‘We are family’ song by Sister Sledge.

_I’ll get back at you for all of this!_

Thankfully, Ann helped him escape into the attic when Akira’s call came in.

Even through the static of the phone, the lone little sounds that made its way straight into Goro’s very core made it very clear the raven was crying.

“Ren…”

“Shut up.” His voice was a far cry from his usual self. Goro’s heart ached when he thought about how long and how much he must have cried- probably all the way to the playground and then some.

If he’d stopped crying at all.

“Ren, listen…”

“No- no. I know. I know you- you can’t- let him walk free.” Ren’s words were cut off by sniffles and undoubtedly more tears.

“I get it.” His voice broke. “I know. I wouldn’t let him walk free, either. I wish I would have just killed him right then and there though-“

“Ren.” Goro’s tone was impossibly gentle- there was a yearning in his voice he couldn’t suppress from breaking free everytime the name left his lips. “Do you want to hear about what happened, or do you want to cry more useless, but precious tears for me?”

“But I do-“

“No, honey,” Goro chuckled. “You have no idea what happened.”

Then, even gentler, “Won’t you come home, Ren? Please.”

“But- it’ll hurt me- if you leave- I don’t- I can’t watch you leave, Goro. I can barely stand the thought of returning and having to see you-“

“Didn’t we make an oath? Remember it, Ren. And come back.”

Goro heard the creak of the swing as Ren lifted himself up.

“If whatever this is stinks and sucks, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Deal,” Goro laughed. “Come back, Ren- I’ll tell you all about what happened. And if you’re patient enough, there’s another present waiting for you.”

“The only present for me is you,” he heard Ren mumble before the line went dead.

_Idiot._

_My precious, precious idiot._

“Come back, precious Joker. Return my heart to me.”

***

And return he would.

Goro had settled down on the couch in the attic, waiting for the moment Ren would finally come running up the stairs.

He was sure the rest of their friends would at least give them a few minutes alone until they’d barge in on their privacy and start…whatever sort of party they had in mind.

But he needed this moment, this last moment of privacy in where he broke the news to Ren…and a part of him believed Ren wanted it to be like this, too.

It didn’t matter if their conversation would be overheard by their friends downstairs. What mattered was that the two of them would have this time for themselves.

A few minutes later, someone stormed up the stairs- yet, upon taking the last of the steps, slowed down significantly.

Ren had never looked as broken before. Sure, he’d looked bad enough already when Goro woke up from his comatose like state, but this?

His shoulders were slumped, his posture terrible. He dragged his feet against the floor as he walked up to where Goro was seated, not even bothering to lift his gaze from the ground. His hair stuck to him as if wet- clinging so tightly and obscuring his expression so perfectly well, it made the brunet really wonder whether the raven had drowned his head in some river or the like.

With every step that his lover came closer, Goro’s heart screamed in pain, louder and louder.

_I swore to myself he wouldn’t suffer, and yet look at what I’ve done._

“Ren,” he heard himself call out, his heart aching everytime he looked at the sorry image of his lover, “come here…”

While Ren still had to say something or even remotely show his face, he fell limply onto the couch- far away from Goro.

A sigh escaped the brunet. “Will you even be capable of listening, considering the state you’re in?”

A whimper escaped the raven, and Goro immediately regretted his choice of words. “Sorry, I didn’t- that was uncalled for.”

Ren didn’t reply. He only buried his face in his hands, making it impossible for the brunet to decipher and analzye the expressions in his boyfriend’s face.

“I told you to remember our oath, right?” It felt like coaxing his old self to talk. For once, Goro realized how difficult it could be to find the right timing and pick the right words- usually, it wasn’t ever that difficult with Ren, even in his most vulnerable states. But this?

This was like dealing with a bomb, albeit its fuse had long gone off and died down.

_Teasing him would be terrible. But it’s not my fault if he takes my words the wrong way._

_Besides…a very wicked part of me…still wonders about something._

“So I turned the offer down.”

There was twitch in Ren’s body.

_Fine. Let me turn it up a notch. Or else who knows how to rip you out of your misery._

_Sorry._

“I had a choice, of course. If I took the offer, it’d mean giving you up- but it would ensure me my revenge. Yet…I could not go back on my words. We swore, didn’t we? Not to give each other up. So I did just that.”

 _That_ finally threw the raven out of his stupor. His head flung up, a wild look in his-

Oh dear. His absolutely ruined face. His eyes were almost as red as Goro’s, despite the fact that they were supposed to be onyx- the color of the night sky, the color of darkness.

_My favorite color. You dare ruin it, you fool?_

Was it even necessary to speak of the trails of tears staining his face? How long had he cried?

_I’m sorry._

“No,” Ren replied, though his voice was a far cry from what he usually sounded like. If Goro didn’t knew it was his lover sitting there, he’d believed it was some imposter with a raspy, hoarse voice.

_Did you scream your agony and pain out to the world?_

_I wish it’d never have come to this._

Still, despite the fact that Ren looked like he was on the brink of madness, his hands were gentle as ever as they gripped Goro’s shoulders, his gaze focusing back onto reality- if only a little.

“No.”

“What? I don’t really-“

“No. I’m not- I’m not.” Ren coughed, his voice scratchy as he talked on, “no. I won’t- I’m not letting you do this.”

Goro raised an eyebrow, wanting nothing more than to smother the raven in a choking hug.

_Not yet. If your wicked soul wishes to hear the answer, hold on for a little bit longer._

_But will you be able to torment your very heart?_

“Please get to the point already.”

“I will never- not even over my own death- allow you.” More coughs spilled forth of the raven’s lips, and Goro wondered if kisses would possibly help speed up the healing process.

“Not even…if it means my death- will I allow you to give up on Shido. On- getting revenge, that is. No, Goro. I’m not a fool.” Ren sucked in a breath, closing his eyes to prevent more tears from falling all over again.

“I will never allow you to give up on your principles. Your dreams. Your self-justice. It wouldn’t be you anymore. You wouldn’t be happy with the decision. It would- it would haunt you. Tarnish you- forever.”

The raven took another breath, opening his eyes.

Goro’s expression was inscrutable.

“If the world requires you to choose, Goro- between me and Shido. Then never- never will I let you pick me. It would break you. And this isn’t- this isn’t about putting myself down. This isn’t about me fulfilling your wishes or something. This is my pure, selfish, raw desire screaming out in pain about the fact that you lost your way.”

Hands cupped Goro’s cheeks, and Ren drew closer.

“And I will _always_ put you back on your path. Even as you- scream and punch. Because I know you’d do the same. I know you wouldn’t let me down, either. And hey…”

A shaky, sad excuse of a smile appeared on Ren’s face- his eyes were glistening, the tears ready to fall.

_Never will I allow this smile to appear again._

“If I have to rip my soul into pieces- if I need to burn my entire heart, stake it and skewer it over the fire that is our love- for you to realize that you’re making a mistake…”

The hands fell from his face. Ren drew in a deep breath.

“Then I will.”

_I’ll never let you go anymore._

It felt like the last of Goro’s inner walls shattered- if he even had any left. It felt like the hollow space in his chest, that so often cried out at night, that wailed for the fact that he could err-

Was now bursting and shattering apart all over again, with the difference that a new space took upon its place: the entire existence of a single, lonely man, ready to give up the world and himself-

-to ensure Goro would always stay on his way and uphold his principles.

Not like he’d even think of doing anything else- but humans often erred in their way, and making a mistake was inevitable. So to see the self-sacrificial idiot talk like this…

Well, it definitely answered the last of Goro’s questions- whether Ren had been, and would always be the right choice.

_You really are my soulmate, are you not?_

_I doubt there’s anyone out there who would understand me the very same way you do._

“But I picked you,” he heard himself say, “yet you…dare to disobey? To rebel against my very choice? Why?”

“If you can’t think the answer to that one up yourself, you’re truly gone, Goro.” His lover grimaced.

“I cannot stand by and let this happen…”

Ren looked like he was about to stand up and leave, a grim expression on his face. Maybe he’d contact Sae, tell her Goro thought it over again and wanted to agree to the deal- but Ren was halted in his actions as Goro all but threw himself at him, flinging and rolling them both onto the ground.

He caged the raven in, making escape neigh impossible- that was, if Ren didn’t want to hurt him. Then, escape would be easy.

_Oh, he would, if it meant securing my happiness in the long run, wouldn’t he?_

_But he would always think twice before raising his hand._

_Fool._

_I suppose I just need to obsess over you all the more…to make up for the fact that you are always ready to give yourself up for me._

_Truly, my only, most exquisite fool in the world._

_But no._

_You belong to me._

_Forever._

“Goro. Let go.”

A smile drew onto the brunet’s face.

“Why?”

“So I can- so I can tell Makoto to call her sis.” Even how, Ren had difficulties to speak, to breathe- but the fire of rebellion was back in his eyes, resembling his old self.

Gently, Goro stroked over the ruined face- the bitten lips, the marred skin. Marred by scratches- of Ren’s own nails, no doubt.

_Ah, is it so wrong to think this is beautiful?_

_To see you lose your sanity like this- for me?_

_Only for me?_

_Ahhhh…What is this feeling in my chest? Burning its way into my mind?_

_It’s too vast and too strong to call it love. Love doesn’t describe it in the least._

_Or does it?_

_Is it desire? No._

_Is it ecstasy, then? To hear these sweet words?_

_Is it that?_

_Whatever it is…It’s definitely an exclusive feeling I harbor only for you._

_And I am greedy and intend to lap it up for the rest of my life._

_But I’ll make sure to bath in these exquisite feelings…without having to make you suffer ever again._

“Hm? For what reason do you need to call her?”

The beautiful face fell into a scowl.

“You know why. Stop playing, Goro! I told you- I won’t stand by and let this happen. I won’t. Even if it tears me apart. Even as I lose my sanity and keep- keep blabbering the same shit over and over again because the memory of your death is still fresh. Even if it means suffering for the rest-“

_I better put a stop to this before he really ends up doing anything stupid._

Yet it seemed like Goro’s mouth wouldn’t comply to the idea all that easily.

“You once said,” he cut the raven off, “to…what was it? Burn the world down if it didn’t bend to our rules, didn’t you?”

Confusion made its way onto his lover’s face. “Uh…yes?”

“And you also said…” Goro let his thumb stroke languidly over the raven’s lips.

_Ahh, don’t think too much about what it’d feel like to kiss him right now…It’ll make you lose your damn mind, Goro._

_Or what it’d feel like to have him dominate me now, to have him deny me my pleasure, to-_

_Stop, really._

“You also said…we could build our own castle, didn’t you? Or if we gathered our friends…that we could build our own world.” He hoped Ren would not pick up with what difficulty the words tumbled out of his mouth. He’d surely misunderstand.

It wasn’t because Goro had trouble remembering the words, or putting them out loud. It was because his mind was still driving after a certain fantasy.

A hand snatched his wrist, and Goro reveled in the feeling, nearly crying out in pleasure.

“I did. What’s this about, now?”

“I merely followed your advice, you fool. Did you really think I’d give anything up? Give up my principles, my way of life? I know you wouldn’t have approved if I did.” Goro’s smile grew wider.

Then he gently let their foreheads knock together. “I suppose it’s my fault for never saying it. I should’ve sworn you not only to stay together, but also not to give up on myself. Or let you give yourself up, for that matter.”

“Goro…what does this mean?”

“It means, my idiot man of a fool, that…I did decline Sae’s offer. And I did pick you. But I also secured getting Shido behind bars.”

“What?” The bloodshot eyes grew wide in shock.

_No, really. I don’t think the sight of this…will ever compare to anything else._

_Ah, the sight of him ruined, it’s so-_

“I pulled a few tricks.” Goro’s hand stroked lovingly over Ren’s skin- the raven had let go of him in shock. “I threatened our dear prosecutor…that I truly would let the world burn and let it despair in the flames of destruction if she forced me to pick.”

“Can we- can we skip the whole cryptic blabbering thing?”

_Not when I am unable to form coherent thoughts._

_Ah…I want to get inside you already. Or have you inside me, whatever. Surely, it’ll help me discover…what this feeling is, this insatiable desire that makes me mad…_

“In the end, I forged a new deal. I’ll tell you all about it later. With a very effective threat, that is. Though…I suppose I did plead more, in the end, than use force, of course, but I was, no, am serious-“

The room spinned- and before Goro knew what happened- not like he’d resisted even if he did- he was the one pinned to the ground now, their roles reversed. The ground didn’t even feel all that uncomfortable, given the fact that Goro’s entire attention was directed somewhere else, and as such were his senses.

The look in Ren’s eyes- it resembled that of the madman he had been earlier.

With the difference that there was hope glimmering in them now.

_Ahhhhh…Yes…_

_I really am turned on by this, am I not?_

_It’s terrible. Terribly inappropriate, and very cruel._

_I’ll throughoutly make up for teasing him this badly for the remainder of our shared life._

_But for now…_

He cupped the raven’s cheek.

“The original deal is off. We can stay together, Ren. Because making the world burn and cry was always the better option than to heed its call.”

Slowly, a smile drew onto Ren’s face- a different, a real one. Not the sorry attempt from before.

“You’re not…messing with me?”

“No. Really. I don’t know what the details of the plan will look like, as Sae said she-“

His words were cut off in a searing, hot kiss- and it was demanding, arousing. Goro didn’t think any of their previous kisses would ever live up to the feeling of this one- to the feeling of him giving his lover air, of making him breathe again, of calling him back to life, of filling his lunges and his mind with nothing but himself, Goro Akechi, or rather, a different Goro, a dead one, a living one-

With difficulty, Ren broke the kiss off. Desire was flaming in his eyes, his chest heaving erratically, but the mischief glinted back at Goro like an old friend, and he was more than just happy to greet it back.

_This sight should be forbidden._

“You threatened the fucking world…to ensure both your goals- or rather, your wishes- would be fulfilled?”

“For my own sake, yes. But also for the sake of my own personal fool.” His fingers danced over the raven’s face, cupping and caressing it gently- and he knew Ren was melting, was dissolving under his mere touch.

_As much as I love being at your mercy, I love having you under my mercy, too._

_Ahhh, this feeling…_

_If I could drown in it for the rest of my life, I would happily jump and drag you with me._

“That’s- fucking sexy. Really. Fuck, I have no words- this really- are you sure this isn’t some sort of fever dream I made up?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. Trust me. Thinking the threat up- or rather, the plead- or the plan, whatever you want to call it- was difficult. I needed your brother’s nudging, because I, too, was paralyzed with fear at first. And I wouldn’t say this in one of your wonderful dream worlds, would I? After all, talking about Akira is such a turn-off for you.”

Another kiss followed, with breathy noises escaping the both of them as Ren’s tongue invaded the cavern of his mouth, relentlessly claiming everything to himself.

_Yes, yes, take it. I’m yours-_

_Just like you’re mine._

“Why do we always, always have to talk- about my fucking, cursed brother?”

Goro chuckled. “You always provoke me into doing so, Ren. If you had more confidence in yourself, I wouldn’t have to.”

He slung his arms around the raven’s neck, pulling him down into an embrace.

His hands lost their way into his lover’s hair. “So from now on, work on it, will you? On the confidence part. And about trusting me, too. I am glad to know you really would end up sacrificing yourself to ensure I stay true to my ideals, but I would be very unhappy if our entire life consists of such an…unhealthy way of thinking, if I may borrow the general public’s view. Or of you doubting my every step and intention. Of being worried, or being constantly alert, Ren.”

Ren lifted himself up, so that their gazes could interlock in that electrifying stare all over again.

“If this is true- this whole…new deal thing. Fuck, that’s hot, sorry- let me say it one last time. Then I promise. To cherish you. To…improve myself, too. And to heighten our trust.”

“Good.” Pleased, Goro gave him another kiss.

“Goro?”

“Hm?” The brunet was busy twirling the other’s hair around his finger- and losing himself in the wrecked appearance of his lover.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For…choosing me, once more. I know I’ve said this, but- still. Thank you. For choosing us, I mean. For giving me a chance.”

“Wha- ah.” Goro’s mind, lost in a hazy cloud, willingly surrendered to the feeling of soft kisses raining down on his skin.

“Thank you for letting me love you. And…”

Goro shuddered under the next kiss, shamelessly grinding his growing arousal against his lover.

“Thank you for loving me. You do, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he pressed out as Ren’s hand sneaked under his shirt, teasing his skin, “I do. I love you- so- fucking- much, Ren. You’re- urgh, stop!”

A few swift moves later, and Ren was buried under him again. He was staring right into those cursed onyx eyes, staring at the beautiful face of the only human that belonged to him- heart and soul.

_I truly think I would stagnate without you, you fool._

His hand stroked over the raven’s face, who had trouble fighting back a cheeky smile- yet his eyes were glittering and bursting with so many emotions, Goro couldn’t possibly pick them all apart.

Though his own eyes were probably nothing more than a reflection as well.

“I love you, Ren. Only you. And only for you would I go so far as to threaten an entire damn country- as well as secure my other goals in one swift move. Get it? That’s how mad you made me. So be proud of it. Claim me for yourself- forever. And- pledge loyalty to me. Only to me.”

“And if I don’t?”

Goro delibaretly let his nail dig into the marred skin, eliciting a hiss-

_Ha. He’s just as turned on as I am, isn’t he?_

_We really are of the same kind._

“Well, then, my dear, pretty raven- you’ll feel my wrath.” His nail dug even deeper, and by now, Ren was shamelessly groaning.

Goro had trouble biting his own grin away as the lust in his body, mixed with relief and happiness- reached unbelievable new heights of what you could call ‘feelings’.

“And if I can make an entire damn country burn for making me afraid of losing my lover and my petty revenge- oh, then I truly will set the entire world on fire if you even dare to betray me. Mark my words.”

Soft laughter spilled forth of his lover’s lips. “I guess I shouldn’t…provoke you then, should I? Or get on your bad side.”

“Try, and you shall see the consequences. Or not.” Goro dug his knee against Ren’s arousal, drawing a pretty, filthy melody forth.

_The melody I will listen to forever._

He saw Ren reach for his hand, even as the teasing made him unable to suppress the moans, and Ren guided his hand towards his mouth.

Gently, he kissed the back of his hand, a searing touch that Goro would remember for the rest of his life, as lips ingrained a promise- an oath. A fever glinted in his lover's eyes that Goro did not dare name.

_The very same fever I suffer under, am I right?_

“I pledge loyalty to you, Goro. For now, and forever.”

_Hmpf. Not a bad performance, if I may say so._

Mirroring his lover’s actions, Goro proceeded to repeat his words.

“I pledge the very same, Ren.”

And as soon as he kissed the back of Ren’s hand, his knee viciously lashed out, grinding down shamelessly and eliciting yet another beautiful symphony of sounds out of his lover- yet, his lover, smart as he was, yanked him back on his hair, causing Goro to moan along and complete the melody.

_Ha, yes- this. I will listen and relish these sounds forever._

_I doubt there’s anything more satisfying out there._

“You said something- about a present. Was this it?”

Now it was Goro’s turn to laugh. “Greedy, are we?”

“For you? Always.” Ren’s words were nothing but a whisper, almost lost in the fierce kiss that followed.

“Then…let me reward you, my dear, beautiful missing part of my soul…”

He felt Ren’s breath hitch.

“What do you think…about sharing a last name with me?”

Ren’s pupils grew wide, wider than Goro had ever seen before, even when he had been taken over by lust. Eagerly, he waited for the words to spill forth, as he pressed his knee further against Ren’s growing arousal, as Ren began to speak “I-“

The rest of his words were cut off.

And Goro wasn’t the one at cause, oh no.

Goro screamed at what felt like two entire buckets of cold water being splashed over them, and even Ren yelped at the sensation- because it wasn’t a sensation at all.

“Guys, you know we love your PDA and all, but Futaba is _freaking_ out, and Yusuke says all these sensual sounds inspire him, but he needs to see naked bodies for his vision to form- and also, ew, ew, I love you, but I really cannot, will not, shall _not_ listen to you fuck while I’m downstairs! I’m glad things are back to normal, but-“

As Goro and Ren detangled themselves and got up from the ground, trying to shake away the feeling of their entire body being soaked in cold water- because fuck, they were soaked and drenched to their _bones_ \- their gazes finally fell onto the perpetrators that were at cause for all this.

For making Goro lose the most incredible amount of lust he’d ever felt.

For making him lose the very moment he could go insane, choking on Ren’s love as the latter did the same.

_Oh, these fuckers will pay._

Ann was still clutching one of the buckets that had previously been filled with water- but she was clearly nervous, trying to hide behind it.

Akira, however, had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

“It was Sojiro’s idea. I love him already, really. Do you think he can be my Dad, too, Ren?”

The couple shared a look.

_This calls for revenge, Goro, doesn’t it? I totally forgot they were there, but-_

_Would you have stopped if you knew?_

_Ha! No, I don’t think so. You were way too sexy. So…about letting the world burn and stuff…_

_Yes?_

_Think your skills could make them suffer as much, too? Because I think we just missed the opportunity for some mind-blowing sex right then and there._

_Oh, I agree._

_I am somehow scared of Sojiro, though. And Futaba is gonna be traumatized for life if this keeps going._

_Are you gonna keep thinking and wracking your brain over this all day? Because our little intrudors are opting to escape._

_Fuck! Okay, on 3._

_3!_

_Wait, Goro- ahahahaha, hold on!_

With a wild yell, the brunet threw himself at Ann- she let out a high shriek, flung the bucket to the side, and ran down the stairs. It seemed like Akira had picked up on their plan much sooner, however, because Ren suddenly had a bucket over his head while his twin was nowhere to be seen.

His voice still carried through, though.

“Don’t ever try to have sex with my ex where I can hear you again- as in, ever- brother!”

Goro flung the bucket away, and after sharing a short, ugly laugh that ended in yet another kiss, the two boys stormed downwards, ready to punish- and be punished.

_I will still get that answer out of him._

_I can coax it out of those pretty cursed lips._

_Maybe make him scream my name alongside…who knows?_

No matter what he’d decide on, the future shone bright, joining in on the laughter resounding in a pretty little café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKED IT AAAHHH ;-; My hand slipped and made this chapter much fucking longer than originally planned (BECAUSE EVEN WITH THAT CERTAIN INSPIRATION I HAD ONLY PLANNED TO LIKE, ADD ANOTHER 1K AT MOST, but then Goro and Ren decided to do whatever the fuck they wanted all over again 'BREAK THE RULEZ' and I was like. Oh well. Whatever), BUT I LIKE IT SO MUCH BETTER NOW SO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR INSPIRING ME.  
> AND THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU THAT LEAVES KUDOS (BECAUSE TRUST ME I SEE IT AND I CRY OVER IT) OR COMMENTS (BECAUSE JUST LIKE THE KUDOS, I CRY TEARS OF JOY!!!!! AND MORE ;-;) AND MAKES ME ABLE TO BRING THIS FIC TO LIFE.  
> AND I'M SORRY FOR SMASHING TEXT WALLS AT YOU GUYS ALL THE TIME BUT I'M SO HAPPY AND THANKFUL and if you wanna know how the scene originally ended...maybe take a guess, leave a comment, and I'll tell you? ;D  
> ALSO YES GORO THINKS REN IS HIS FUCKING HEART I NEED TO EMPHASIZE THIS AGAIN  
> and I hope it was okay how their thoughts merged at the end. They really didn't need to talk at that point, they just...shared a look and knew what the other was thinking.  
> AND AS ALWAYS YOU'RE WELCOME TO SMASH THE KUDOS BUTTON OR LEAVE A COMMENT  
> SEE YOU IN THE LAST CHAPTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SO SAD also it looks like I Iied because my document is currently at 313k words and not the original 290k when I first started this fic so LOL I'll check the pace of the end as I edit over, but I MIGHT POSSIBLY FUCK AROUND AND SPLIT IT INTO TWO CHAPTERS EVEN THO I REALLY LIKE ENDING THIS WITH a round number of 60 chapters. But also the end is REALLY FUCKING LONG and there might be some twists ;DDD so I'll see....


	60. Fool me once; Fool me twice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is pounding; it's fucking 3 am in the morning and I have been writing on this chapter the entire damn day (I ain't kidding). Then I started editing and I absolutely wanted this to get out already, so here it is: the grand finale...  
> I literally cannot control this fic. Remember how I told you guys the epilogue was like, what? 8k long?  
> Ha. What a joke!  
> When I started editing the ending a few days ago, I realized that upon first writing the end, I had been more interested in actually finishing it than...completely trying to squeeze the end's potential to its max. So then I begun to edit; add; change...and the days passed by, and yet I was still not happy. I let it simmer and brood, and yet I knew it wasn't quite where I wanted it yet, and because I really wanted the end to be nice- ufff. It took a lot of time (hence why it's so late and I'M DYING AND MY EYES ARE SO DRY AHAHAHAHHA).  
> Now, after what was the longest no-update time ever, I am finally done. And happy. This ending was crafted with the last of my powers- AND HAS EXPLODED INTO 21K lol.  
> So much for the smut chapter being the longest one; whoops! Well, me and my hand slippings are just...not a surprise anymore at this point. Hahahahaa.  
> Anyway. I hope you enjoy; I'll do the rest of my sappy wrap-up later...QwQ  
> THIS IS THE END OF OUR RIDE! ENJOY!

Goro was in a pinch.

That in itself was nothing new. As long as Goro could remember, he’d gotten himself into trouble- but this one was of a particular nature, one that he’d never quite encountered before.

Frustrated, he stared at the velvety black box, as if his glare could make it evaporate into thin air.

_Why the fuck did I do this._

_Why?_

Ren wasn’t back yet- he was busy biding goodbye to the neighbors, the sap, and giving out cookies and cake to the children. The two of them had been busy baking all those sweets yesterday.

Because yes, baking was actually something that Goro- after a long, gruesome intership at the very strict ‘Ren’s baking agency’- was finally able to do.

And he did not end up killing people anymore, nope.

Or set their entire kitchen on fire, for that matter.

His sweets, in fact, even tasted good, and not only ‘edible’.

He’d never quite forget the joy he felt when the lava cake he made on his own even elicited a compliment out of Ren.

_Even if the molten chocolate ended up being smeared on my body and licked off obscenely instead of enjoying the cake like normal humans would._

_He even had the audacity to grin and say “Thanks for the treat”._

_His ability to be insufferable at all times is an aspect of his personality that has not, and will never change from the first day we’ve met._

Speaking of- it felt just like yesterday when they quickly had to gather their bags and plane the next flight to the island of Shikoku. Goro had been surprised Sae had been able to push the deal through that quickly- his death was announced to the country early next morning after he had pleaded for Sae’s help.

Never did Sae explain how she made it work, though.

She called as soon as they had seen the news over breakfast via Makoto’s phone. Immediately, she cut to the chase, asking for new identities on their passports, and informing them a flight would ship them off the next day to Tokushima.

The destination had been unknown to them until they had entered the airport, of course. It was odd, to enter the airport with the prosecutor- and sadly, none of their friends, as they weren’t allowed to- and be picked up by some police officer, who granted them their tickets only after they’d gone through the security check-ups.

Honestly, it had been very confusing- but whenever spikes of anxiety surged up inside of Goro, when he started to worry whether this really had been a good decision- Ren made sure to squeeze his hand reassuringly and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

It was the best sedative Goro would ever have the luxury of experiencing.

Tokushima was a beautiful city on the smallest island of Japan, and while it obviously could not compare to Tokyo, it was still a very charming place with roughly 300.000 citizens.

Why the couple was shipped off to a city with a rather large population instead of a rural town, was because access to universities and a wide offer of jobs, as well as the anonymity of a rather large city was favorable for the cause.

Two men moving wouldn’t surprise anyone as much in a big city than if they moved into a tiny village. And apparently it was too much of a hassle to move them out of Japan, so they didn’t even have to learn a completely new language or a new culture.

_It was all very forthcoming, actually._

Sae apparently also organized a flat for the two of them to stay in- time was running, and the rent for the first two months had been paid in advance to make sure the couple could find some sort of income until then.

If Goro wanted to ensure he’d be able to return to Tokyo, he’d be forbidden from keeping in contact with any of his friends or colleagues for a full year while cooperating with the prosecution to bring Shido’s conspiracy down.

Obviously, the same applied to Ren, who was still eager to participate in the program, even after being made aware of what this meant over and over again.

_I still remember how he said that there was nothing more he’d like to do than travel to the other end of the world with me._

Sae also wouldn’t be the one to contact Goro for help if they needed names or statements in the future, but some other prosecutor who wore a frilly cravat and a magenta suit. She said this was obviously because there was an undeniable connection between them, too, seeing as they were former colleagues, and she was only allowed to present them the last details of the deal and carry it through herself to up until they were inside the airport.

Quickly, Ren had to bid his goodbyes to close friends and write resignation letters to his insane amount of side jobs- no one had expected that Goro and Ren would have to leave quite that quickly, so more tears were shed throughout the day, over and over again.

_Especially_ when all of their friends helped them pack their bags- two bags per person, no more.

Needless to say, they had filled one of the four bags with presents and memoirs of their friends. Some were precious keepsakes- for example, Ann gave them a necklace from her grandmother _. “It’s the promise you’ll return and give it back,”_ she sniffled, her make up remaining impeccable even though tears streamed down her face.

Part of what landed in one of the bags was the Featherman R lunchbox Akira regarded with a nostalgic smile. _“I’m glad you kept it even after all this time, really. Treasure it, will you?”_

Other things were, for example, a bazillion packages of chocolate. Futaba said her brother could turn into a monster if he didn’t sate his sweet tooth, and despite Goro insisting they could buy chocolate when they settled in, Futaba violently stashed them inside.

He stopped criticizing her when he realized that she was fighting with a gallon of tears, and even promised her never to touch the supply.

_“No,”_ she had protested then, _“Ren never feels good devouring chocolate on his own. So you need to share whenever he munches on these, okay?”_

She had ended up crying in his arms when he told her he would.

_Never knew she could grow such a liking to me. Or maybe she was just desperate for someone to take care of Ren- we all know how much of a wreck he can be sometimes._

Lala had winked them goodbye, gifting them a bottle of wine and telling them to come back soon.

Iwai only laughed, flicking both boys’ foreheads as he scolded them how naughty they’d been with a big fat smile on his face.

Oddly, Goro felt an unfamiliar sense of proudness he could not quite place, and quickly buried the feeling away.

Tae warned them not to fuck around with medics in search of some sort of aphrodisiac, but that if they ever needed one badly, _please consult a doctor beforehand._

When Ren cheekily asked whether she would be available for said purpose, too, she had only sighed and agreed.

Sojiro had granted them his most expensive bag of coffee beans, and only silently spilled a few tears whenever Ren couldn’t see him.

Goro did, though.

_I remember how he told me to keep it a secret._

And how affectionately he’d hugged Goro goodbye, too, after asking for permission first.

Goro knew he was going to miss his idiot friends and the quirky circle of acquintances he’d made over the past few months, but he wasn’t as worried about feeling lonely as he was about Ren- after all, the raven had to abandon so much more than Goro.

The first few nights they spent in the freshly renovated, fully furnished and quite modern apartment, Ren had often admitted to feeling lonely and missing his family.

_“It’s like…You are my everything, Goro, the other part of my missing soul, the bane of my existence- but even then, I realize…that my family still holds a big place in my heart as well.”_

_“That certainly took you a long time to realize.”_

_“Ha! I know. I miss Sojiro telling me to wrap up and close the café. I miss Futaba throwing around her Yaoi knowledge and then having to tell her to stop when she begins asking personal questions. It’s weird, but…I even miss Akira telling me off and teasing me over our relationship.”_

_“I know. I can imagine, even if…” –I cannot relate._

_“Yeah. But you know I wouldn’t ever change my decision, right?”_

While the brunet was conflicted, he wanted to believe in his boyfriend’s words.

Still, the raven was good at reading Goro- so he knew whenever guilty feelings of ripping the raven apart from his family surged up inside him.

Often, Ren would repeat the same things then, because they ended up working the best on Goro.

_“This is only temporary. And I’d have suffered just as much if I let you go alone- if not more. This way, I can at least ensure you eat properly, go to work, don’t study too hard- and don’t cheat on me, dearly beloved.”_

He never failed to wink at the last statement, even though Goro would never even contemplate the mere idea of cheating.

_I’d rather stake myself, actually._

Ren became an irrefutable existence in his life- _hadn’t he always been, though?-_ and as horrible as it was to admit…Goro didn’t hate being separated all that badly.

It meant having Ren all to himself- though he did wish to reunite with his friends after their deadline was over quite immediately.

But until then- was it so wrong to relish in the feeling of monopolizing Ren and his entire attention? Because, well- Goro had always, in some screwed part in the back of his mind, yearned for a time where they would be alone- truly alone.

Where it sort of felt like they could only share the entirety of their lives with the other, and not anyone else.

Where they could only trust their deepest, darkest secrets and fear with the other, unable to tell it anyone else.

That didn’t mean Goro wanted this to last forever. But it wasn’t…all that terrible, he thought, to know what a fraction of this scenario would feel like.

_Like being the last survivors on earth._

_Or being sent into exile, whatever._

_And I must say, would it not be for his suffering, I’d throughoutly enjoy our time here._

_For now, it will remain a bittersweet sensation- or a memory, once it’s over._

Ann had once warned him his honeymoon phase with Ren- where neither of them grew sick of the other- might end. That they would struggle and have disputes.

True to her words, they did end up nagging and fighting each other- and since the flat was so spacious, it was easy for either of them to spend the night in some other part than their shared bedroom, and their spacious bed.

The longest fight they had was three days long, where neither of them spoke to the other. Goro didn’t even remember what the fight had been about at some point- but he did remember being found in the kitchen, crying in the middle of the night, and falling asleep to Ren’s soothing murmurs of ‘No, I was angry, but I could never hate you, Goro’ while he babbled on and on about how sorry he was.

_That was embarrassing, thinking back on it._

_Yet…it wasn’t like my apologies didn’t come from the heart._

But with every fight, Goro felt like their bond grew stronger- they came to understand each other better, and grew more patient with each other’s antics. At some point, their fights subsided completely, and only light nagging and teasing remained.

Some nights, though, Goro was woken by a panic-ridden Ren, who needed to make sure Goro wasn’t bleeding out of his chest, didn’t have a bullet wound, was alive and not a dream. This happened more often than the raven liked to admit. He wouldn’t always wake his lover, and Goro wouldn’t always wake up on his own.

_I’ll never stop blaming myself for ingraining that fear in your soul, your heart, your eyes..._

Sometimes, the former detective only knew that yesterday’s events had been bad because Ren wouldn’t be in bed by the morning; he’d have fallen asleep on the couch, clutching Goro’s diary tightly to his chest.

He’d never open it, Goro was sure. Even as the brunet gave him permission over and over again.

_“It’s not like I want to read it, Goro.”_

Ren would smile.

_“I just- feel connected to it. In a weird way. So I just…I guess I feel grounded when I have it in my arms.”_

_“You could just wake me, you fool!”_

_“I know, I know. But if I woke you everytime I had these dreams…I’d never fully recover, I think. Some battles…we have to win without anyone’s help. You know?”_

Then he’d ruffle his hair, and laugh as Goro grew more and more agitated.

_“I love you, Goro.”_

_You idiot. I know._

_“I love you, too.”_

After roughly nine months, the frequency of the nightmares stagnated- which was great, really. Goro liked to think about the fact that he had helped Ren through his battles, too- once he’d realized that similar to himself, Ren only needed his attention and love, as well as his patience- well, helping Ren through a horrendous nightmare was much easier.

Now, Ren would suffer under particularily bad dreams whenever something triggered him badly- like a long, gruesome fight with Goro.

Which is why Goro also learnt to become a much more patient person than Ren, because he never wanted to see the fear-ridden look on his lover’s face ever again, no matter how stupidly Ren had behaved and no matter how much Goro felt like yelling at him.

That didn’t mean he stopped criticizing Ren entirely- he still called him out on his bullshit, but much gentler, and with less frequency and danger of a real fight breaking out.

_I didn’t even know I had it in me to be patient._

_But, how do you always put it?_

_It’s a ‘Ren’ exclusive only right._

Ren in turn helped him through a few nightmares as well, old memories resurfacing and scraping at Goro’s mind- the brunet felt like he turned into a child in those moments, a teen, an adult- but the intensity and the fear he suffered through usually vanished after a few soothing words and gentle kisses.

_As soon as I realized it was all over, and my life could finally begin writing a different tale._

_One that was painted by your music and your color, the core of your soul- and not the dark entities I suffered under for so many years._

He was still not familiar with the feeling of being safe permanently. Sometimes, paranoia got the best of him if they were out on a date and encountered the same people over and over again. _Especially_ when said people tried making friends with them.

Usually, he’d try not to freak out, but more often than not would they have to continue their date at home.

_Technically, I never hated the feeling of being pampered when we continued our date at home._

_But I always felt bad about dragging him back._

Ren never stopped giving his damn best to help Goro let go of his paranoia and fear and in turn, so did Goro for him.

Funnily, Goro didn’t really have nightmares about the day he ‘died’, nor was he afraid of guns now- in stark contrast to Ren. Though Ren was only ever afraid of weapons if they were aimed at Goro, he said- which never happened these days.

Goro had grown used to being shot at or being threatened with weapons for half his life- field work as a detective could become dangerous- and even his supposed death didn’t really scare him.

Emotional torture terrified him and haunted him way longer than any physical injuries or weapons could, after all.

Besides, thinking back on _that_ specific day…filled Goro with more glee than fear. The death of his own self was inevitably linked to the death of Shido Masayoshi forever- it was a date of end and rebirth all the same.

And Goro _never_ stopped feeling joyous about that. He was never going to be the old Goro Akechi anymore- he was a new Goro now.

It was wonderful.

Or rather, this new life would have been even greater if Goro could get rid of any nasty, lingering feelings of his past- which is why he was truly working on processing and talking about his trauma now. Not with a therapist, of course- it’s not like that was an option given his new identity anyway, but also…

No one would understand and know what he’d need to hear -or not hear- better than Ren. And Ren had always been surprisingly good at listening, or coaxing Goro’s inner self out.

The idiot even tried to hide the fact that he’d bought a bazillion amounts of ‘How to deal with trauma’ e-books. He forgot they shared an account, and that even hiding some orders in the main menu of the account didn’t stop Goro from finding the hidden orders.

Or that Ren was, however on earth he’d managed to pull that one off- friends with a real therapist, too. He didn’t often ask him for advice- especially not for himself, ha- but few times, when he had troubles following whatever sort of nonsense the books spewed, and needed advice from an expert.

Though Goro _also_ knew that the answers the therapist friend provided him were…sort of too broad and cryptic than that Ren could work with them in the first place.

That said- he still wasn’t a certified trauma dealing expert by now- he was still the same old Ren as ever, actually. The brunet never really noticed a difference in the way he talked or coaxed Goro’s inner thoughts out before or after he read himself through so much advice.

Often, Goro would have to bite his tongue in order not to spill _you could just not try as hard and it’d be fine, too- I just want you to listen, that’s enough, really. Your existence and your hugs are enough._

But maybe this was just something Ren had fun in doing- and didn’t have any deeper meaning than picking the human’s psyche apart like in so many discussions they held.

So Goro quietly kept his mouth shut, and cooperated with whatever ridiculous thing Ren came up.

Because, Goro was sure- visiting a playground at night and screaming at the top of your very lunges and trying to escape the public order police- was probably not explicitly written in any book or advised by any therapist- but was just a very ‘Ren’ way of helping them get through their troubles together.

And the smiles, followed by laughter ere always worth whatever antics Ren had thought up anew, so Goro found himself willingly participating.

With his sudden, new exuding charms, Ren quickly made new acquaintances here and there. Apparently, despite the fact that they weren’t allowed to keep in contact with their old friends, they were encouraged to find new acquintances.

Goro refused, and never grew too close to anyone- he didn’t like people in particular, and he didn’t have the patience to befriend someone all over again. The few times he tagged along to a meeting with Ren’s newfound friends- largely consisting of married women with kids, but also younger students or random librarians- he was deemed as sassy and petty, and while that wasn’t wrong-

Well, he didn’t _like_ being around people who judged him for being the way he was. And he certainly wasn’t interested in defending himself, either.

Though Ren was. But funnily, no matter how angry he got at these people, and how much they apologized- they refused to let the raven escape their grasp completely.

_“Funny,”_ Goro would eventually remark, _“you always said Akira was the one people flocked to and didn’t want to let go off, and described yourself as the opposite. Yet look at you now. People scream for your attention.”_

_“That’s- well, I don’t know how this happened, actually.”_

_“Does it matter?”_

_“So long as these people keep trying to butter you up for the sole sake of hoping to please me and gain my favor again, then yes.”_

Goro would always dissolve into laughter, and throw his arms around his lover’s neck in those moments.

_“It’s fine. Let them do their futile, unnecessary bullshit.”_

He’d trace Ren’s neck with his fingers, swiftly kissing the very same spots.

_“Because what matters in the end- is that you still see through their real intentions. And it’s just so funny, to see them struggle sometimes- in an attempt to please me. Especially if they’re ugly people, deep down. Is that wicked? Should I stop?”_

Ren would laugh instead of responding.

_“It’s definitely a little twisted, yeah.”_

Then he’d twirl the brunet in his arms, before lifting him up effortlessly and flashing him a smile.

_“But I like seeing you enjoy yourself, so whatever. They’re gonna grow tired of all this at some point, anyway- and if you think it’s funny to watch them struggle until the very end- oh well. I definitely won’t stop them in that case, my love.”_

_“You don’t intend to keep being friends with them?”_

_“Depends. Some of them genuinely regret misjudging you or being mean, though that still doesn’t mean friendships between you and those people will blossom. And some of them have no real interest in deepening their bond with you, either- but that doesn’t mean they’re bad people, or that they would judge you for anything. Sometimes, people just don’t click- and so long as you remain respectful and do not judge each other, that’s totally fine.”_

_“And those ones, you intend to keep, yes?”_

Shyly, the raven would nod.

_“But the rest? Nah. If you’re the missing part of my soul, and I think you are- then having them judge and criticize you- especially when they haven’t even given you a chance in the first place- is an absolute no go. Goes right down the trash train.”_

_“So you’ll abandon the people that don’t like me?”_

_“Like I said- it depends. It comes down to a very simple matter, Goro.”_

They would share a sweet kiss.

_“Do they want to hurt you? Us? Do they intend on actually insulting you, or me? Because if yes- that, I won’t tolerate. Never again.”_

Goro would huff.

_“You don’t need to hyperfixate on me, though.”_

_“No, it’s not about that- how should I put this, Goro?”_

_“That’s what I’m wondering about.”_

_“Well…I love you. I want us to be happy. And so long as nobody threatens that happiness, or actually genuinely wants to contribute to it- I’ll welcome them with open arms. Heck, I think deep down- I wish for every single human on this earth to pamper you.”_

Funny how Goro would always think the same.

_“But there are still people with other intentions out there that have tainted souls and black hearts- and those, I never wish to hold close. Whether it be for your sake, or my own- it doesn’t matter. Toxic shit is out.”_

_“Finding a balance- or rather, sorting people out like that- doesn’t it get tiring? It must be difficult, too.”_

Again, Ren would smile.

_“But it’s worth it, at the end of the day. For you, me- us. You get it.”_

Goro would sigh.

_“Alright then. Have it your way.”_

_“And you yours.”_

Another last kiss would renew their oath all over again.

And Goro would always sigh at the gentle memory.

Oh, and Goro forgot about one important fact Ren constantly reminded him of or else he’d end up working himself to death while being swamped with university work-

That they were filthy rich.

Like, undeniably filthy rich.

Goro still had no idea how Sae- or the other prosecutors, defense attorneys and governmental workers for that matter- had managed to pull _that one_ off.

He just woke up one day, checked his bank account and thought someone had hacked him after robbing three banks…or more, and deciding to deposit the money on his account.

A quick call with one of the prosecutors provided insight: Shido’s trial was far from over, but some verdicts had been made. Like the fact that Shido owed Goro his entire childhood and compensation for abuse, manipulation and so on.

Another matter altogether was the murder of his mother- apparently Goro was paid compensation for that, too.

Shido was still Goro’s father and had to pay a hefty sum to compensate for the fact that he’d refused Goro proper support for so many years.

The former detective was also informed about the fact that Shido had secretly manipulated and withheld his wage as a Detective Prince for many years, for various reasons- one of them being he had hoped Goro would beg his father for support, and inevitably sink deeper in his debt and dirty work.

Good thing Goro would never sink that low, no matter what life he lived.

The person he talked to also brought up the matter of his role in covering up a few murders. Apparently, due to his young age of sixteen, and the circumstances surrounding him, he’d gotten off with a fine they had already collected prior to paying him.

When the former detective protested, the attorney also reminded him of the fact that he stopped covering up murders a few weeks before he turned eighteen- the age where his punishment for engaging and participating in such criminal activities would have notched up a little.

But only a little.

_It’s how the law operates, the attorney had said._

_And when I yelled at him, he also told him they used ‘their fucking common sense’ to judge me, and have gotten to know my personality and my intentions rather well by now. That, apparently, was also a big factor in deciding whether my intentions had been truly malicious and evil._

And the attorney was definitely not amused by Goro protesting against the mild charge, steering back to explaining why on earth he’d gotten rich so quickly.

Not before emphasizing that no, Goro would _not_ spend time in jail, _no, they weren’t biased._

At some point, Goro stopped listening to the lengthy explanation of why he’d become rich and hung up, running up to Ren and telling him the bizarre news- only to be confronted with the same news all over again.

Well, except being fined, that was.

Ren hadn’t been paid as much, but he was also compensated for various things: the abandonment of his parents (Akira had apparently ensured they needed to pay a lot), being abused by the police, being sent to juvie for non-righteous reasons, having been robbed of a higher education or a high school graduation, being a victim of Shido’s wrath- and so on.

Funnily, the actions of Goro Akechi and his merry troupe of friends invading and gasing an entire building was never brought up again- only sometimes, one of the prosecutors would wink at him and joke about ‘the mysterious happenings of that special day that no one will ever be able to explain or pursue’.

Well.

And while the prosecutor was not allowed to inform them whether Akira had been compensated, too, Goro sure hoped he had.

_Because in a way, Shido did end up creating a rift of guilt inside Akira’s heart- and while I believe he genuinely wants to work in the law business by now, that does not change the fact that he was sort of…required to follow his heart’s call and try to rescue his brother in some way or another- by studying law, for example._

_So who knews whether he’d really have ended up in law enforcement at the end of the day, had he never met Shido._

_But then again…who knows whether I’d ever have ended up meeting Ren if circumstances would have been different?_

_No._

In those moments that certain thoughts haunted him, Goro would glance at his lover.

_No, even…if it would have taken much longer, I do believe we would have met._

_But whether we’d have fallen in love is a different question altogether- argh, stop thinking already!_

What Goro really hated in those moment was that he could not call Akira up and ask him what he thought himself.

He knew Ren’s answer, even before asking.

_“I’d always fallen in love with you, Goro. There’s just- something about us that makes me feel complete. And maybe it’d have taken us even longer to get together than in our current story- but still. The end result would be the same. And no matter how much you hate speaking in these possibilities and theorizing shit- don’t you feel the same?”_

_Yes,_ he would think.

But he only silenced his lover with a kiss.

Not that Ren didn’t know his answer, though.

Despite them being so rich they could have retired on the spot and _still_ have trouble getting rid of their fortune by the end of their life, they decided to upkeep a normal life and invest in a lot of charity projects.

At first, neither of them had wanted the money in the first place- but the money in itself was clean, and they could end up doing good things with it instead of throwing it out.

Goro invested in orphanages, for example, ensuring the children were cared for, loved and fed.

Thanks to the fact that he was investing in charity projects, he was always informed of the condition the orphanage was in, whether the children were abused by the workers, or children misbehaved themselves, and if they did- how exactly the aftermath would play out.

Goro wasn’t a doctor, or a therapist, but he knew best what he’d needed back when he was a problem child himself- so he quickly became a valuable part of many projects, even outside the monetary support he offered under a pseudonym.

Each month, he’d curl up in his favorite seat- Ren’s lap- and read through dozen of pages of reports. Ren teased him for adopting the entire orphanage, since the reports each featured intricate details about each and every kid- but Goro dismissed the joke.

_I remember saying I didn’t feel prepared to be a father figure yet._

_And I also remember the mischievious glint in Ren’s eyes as he realized how exactly I had phrased my thoughts._

He didn’t know what Ren was doing with his money, but he noticed that he’d been holding a lot of phone calls with one of the attorneys. Whenever he casually inquired what this was about, Ren winked him off, telling him he’d find out soon enough, and that he was preparing a present for the two of them.

Hm.

To cover his identity, Goro had to pursue a completely different career for the minimum of a year.

So he decided to go nuts and pursue something in the art business.

Not that he was any good, despite trying his best- but apparently he grew better in writing, at least.

Ren was allowed to choose a bit more freely, but he didn’t feel like straying off of the ‘juggling ten sidejobs at the same time’ thing.

Except that he only juggled two jobs now, one from home and one from the outside, so he could be there often to pamper and cook for Goro.

_“I said it so many times already,”_ he’d laugh, _“but I’ll say it again: I couldn’t for the life of me leave you to fetch after yourself. Though yes, I will allow you to learn and grow and do stuff yourself.”_

_“You’re not doing a great job at this whole ‘making Goro grow’ thing, though.”_

_“That’s because- what did you say back then?”_

Laughter would prickle at the back of Goro’s throat.

_“You mean, that you’d make a good housewife?”_

_“Yes, that one.”_

They both knew Goro had distinctly said ‘husband’- but neither of them would ever bring it up.

_“So I’m honestly just trying to fulfill your fantasies here, Goro. Aren’t you glad? Oh! I need to do that one scenario, that really cliché one from those mangas-“_

Goro would groan, but secretly anticipate the next words.

_“And that would be?”_

_“Being dressed in an apron as you come home. Ask you what you’d like- dinner, bath, or me?”_

The brunet would roll his eyes.

_As if you didn’t know I’d always say you, you idiot._

_“I don’t see where this is some special fantasy, though?”_

Ren would laugh.

_“Honey. With an apron I mean- I would only be wearing an apron. And nothing else.”_

The next day, they had already tried the scenario out.

_“Next time,”_ Goro would purr into his lover’s ear, gain back his attention that was so overly fixated on the bubbles around them, seeing as they had decided to jump into the bathtub nervertheless, _“we’ll reverse roles, how about it?”_

The groan escaping his lover was sufficient enough as an answer.

But, Ren would always have the last word.

_“Don’t try to cook, Goro- I don’t want to come home and fix our burning apartment instead of making love to you.”_

He would only gain himself a chop on the head, and insulted, Goro refused to partake in the next play.

Ren told Goro he felt like returning to being a barista again- so maybe there was a reason he didn’t end up attending university. Yet-

_“I don’t want to work as a barista until we’re back…I don’t feel happy or content at any other coffee shop than the one at home. I’ve tried. Is this being hyperfixated? Does this mean I don’t actually want to be a barista, but that I’m just searching a lost memory, a feeling-“_

Goro would cut him off.

_“But if it was- would you regret it? Would you be unhappy if you realized, at the end of your life, that maybe being a barista was not your true calling- but that it made you the happiest, even if it was just chasing a lost feeling?”_

Ren would gently kiss him as thanks.

_“You’re right, babe. I wouldn’t regret it. So I guess…you’ll be stuck with your personal barista at home until we finally go back- and then have a full time barista back at your hands, heart and soul. I really…can’t see myself doing anything else- ah, besides juggling other miscallenous jobs, of course.”_

The toothy grin Goro gave him as he kissed the raven back would remain a secret between the lovers.

_“It’s always so fun, after all, to gift you flowers, and see you eagerly look up their meaning in our Flowerpedias.”_

_“I don’t do that!”_

Ren would only laugh, clearly not believing him.

Still, as much as Goro reminisced about the past, and as much as he liked reliving it all over again- it didn’t help him solve his current problem at all.

Tomorrow, after a long, long year apart- they were finally allowed to return to Tokyo and live on more freely than before.

Goro could pursue what he wanted again, given that he kept a low profile. The conspiracy- thanks to his help- was almost extinguished in its entirety. The police had been able to imprison Kaneshiro with his help, as well as many other high heads in the Yakuza.

They were also able to imprison Okumura and Shido for life. The former head of the police joined them in the same cell, as well as various other of his coworkers.

Politicians, doctors, governmental workers- one by one, depending on how bad their actions had been, ended up in jail, were put under supervision or robbed of their future by having to pay a hefty sum of money and having their titles being stripped away.

_And fuck, it never stopped feeling good vanquishing and purging those evil bastards._

_Especially if some of the victims got some compensation, too- as meager and unnecessary as it was._

_It was still…better than nothing._

No one ever remembered the existence of Goro Akechi, though. One of the attorneys Goro spoke with even told him they set up traps with lookalikes, spreading rumors- but apparently, both the conspiracy as well as the Yakuza didn’t have any interest in him anymore, no matter how long they kept the charade up.

So Goro was allowed to return with no objection raised.

Ren was allowed to return home as well, but much less dramatically. Now, he could finally reunite with family and friends.

_“Every night that I’m not tormented by nightmares- I dream of it,”_ he’d quietly confess. _“I just- there’s a story binding me to Tokyo, to Leblanc, to Shinjuku- all of the places I -or we- have ever been to. And of course- my family is there, and our friends.”_

He’d give Goro another gentle kiss.

_“And aren’t you excited- of picking our old lives up all over again, and mixing and mashing it with our new one with no inhibitions holding us back?”_

_A little,_ Goro would think.

_But I’m more excited at seeing the light that you lost when we left back sparkle up in your eyes again- or even better; be allowed to witness an entire new firework of stars as you merge and mix yourself anew._

_And I do miss our friends, of course._

_“I do wish to…talk to Ann again, and go shopping with her,”_ Goro would quietly confess in turn, _“I owe her the money for the clothes she once bought me- but I think I’ll just buy her new ones instead of giving her a shitton of money instead. And… I want to go bouldering with Ryuji and Akira again.”_

Ren would give him his Cheshire like grin as Goro would begin drawing circles on the raven’s chest.

_“And I also think we should pay our debt to Haru back, now that we’re rich- who would have thought her careless joke would become true? I wonder if she’s torn down the building.”_

Both of them would laugh.

_“Besides, I think…Futaba has access to the old versions of Featherman R from the 80’s. And I also haven’t been able to compete against Sumire in comparing our stamina- are athletes really that superior, in comparison to myself? Sojiro still thinks I’d end up destroying Leblanc if I so much as touch anything in the kitchen. I also don’t know how far Makoto has come, or whether Morgana has finally given up on Ann.”_

Again, shared laughter would resound in the room.

_“Not to mention, the gun we got from Iwai- it’s forever in…custody, ha!”_

_“Your jokes suck-“_

_“Shut up. Anyway, I owe him a few shifts as compensation, I suppose. I also want to tell Lala what a naughty boy you can be, seeing as she holds you in high regard.”_

Ren would laugh.

_“And…I still need to get back at Takemi for teasing you…Yet I suppose she also deserves some thanks…”_

_“Sorry, what? You were mumbling so quietly, I couldn’t understand.”_

_“Oh, nothing important.”_

_“I’m not buying it, Gorooooo.”_

The raven would always tickle him then, to get the answer out of him- yet Goro wouldn’t budge.

_“You forgot the most important thing, Goro.”_

_“Hm?”_

Ren would have a brilliant smile on his lips as he said the next words.

_“You need to explain Yusuke what a terrible artist you’d be. Were. Are?”_

Goro would never be able to hold those giggles back.

_“I do wish to go back, one day. But…I’d be lying if I said I was most excited about seeing our friends again.”_

In those instances he confessed to feeling like that, Ren would draw him close, his onyx eyes glittering with wonder.

_“Then what is it…that you are most excited for?”_

The answer always remain the same.

_“Seeing my bird flap its wings again, free and…unhinged.”_

_“Bird?”_ Ren’s face was the epitome of confusion, and despite being so smart, when it came to metaphors about himself- he was the most oblivious fool.

_“Since when do you keep animals?”_

Never would Goro give him the real answer.

_“Oh, it’s- a very beautiful one, let me assure you. And I feel like…nobody is currently letting the poor thing out of its cage, because the door separating the creature from the outside- it’s a bit…rusty, let’s say. It aches and bends, and yet…it’s not sure how to let go. It likes keeping it inside. The bird sort of jumped in by its own will, too, but…”_

Ren would then grow worried.

_“Are you sure the bird won’t die? Like, do you want me to call the prosecutors, and-“_

_“Oh, no. No. Really. Don’t worry- I’ll be sure to oil and renew the door as soon as we’re back. And the bird isn’t that spineless and would die if improsined for a little bit longer- but I do know…”_

His lover would throw him a concerned glance.

_“The beauty of it in freedom. So I wholeheartedly await to see it be its old, and yet- new self all over again. I eagerly anticipate it, like a peacoack showing me its wonderful feathers for the first time- I’m sure the bird has undergone a beautiful transformation by the time I return.”_

If Ren opened his mouth, dared to ask on- Goro would quickly silence him with a kiss, and distract him with another impromptu make out session.

_There’s no need for you to ever know of this, really._

_And if you’re too much of a fool to realize what I actually mean- well, that’s not my fault._

The two of them had bought plane tickets ages ago, wanting to surprise their friends with their sudden appearance- though Goro had a hunch one of them would end up pulling the surprise on them instead, anyway.

And if possible, Goro had to get rid of his current problem before he ended up on a plane.

_Fuck._

Again, he stared at the box- he was worried Ren would return early and catch him in the act, but Ren told him he needed at least three hours to say all of his goodbyes if not longer, and the first hour hadn’t even passed yet.

So.

_Urgh._

Goro ran a hand through his hair. How had he ended up like this again?

Right, he’d gone to his work place- a supermarket around the corner- and handed his resignation letter in.

On his way back he passed by a jewelry shop, sneering at the swooning teenage girls before his eye was caught by a particular beautiful ring: it was a very thin golden wedding band, adorned by a gorgeous ruby diamond.

No extra ornaments or details- simple and plain, the color of the diamond shone brightly whenever the light fell upon it, the ruby seemingly changing into other shades of red- even a dark garnet, like his eyes, though Ren always preferred to use the word ‘ruby’- probably because it was used in a lot more romantic contexts and he could use his sappy lines much better.

Goro didn’t even end up asking for a price. As if bewitched by its gleam, he entered the shop and whipped out his credit card. The woman at the counter assured him they could fit the size of the ring if he returned to any of their cooperating shops across the country- but he’d have to pay again if he did so.

The brunet didn’t really care- all he knew was that he needed the ring on Ren’s finger as soon as possible. Vaguely adjusting the size for now, he even forgot to take the bill with him as he hurried back home.

There, Ren was just about to head out to bid his goodbyes to neighbors and friends, kissing him gently on the forehead.

Only when he was out did Goro end up collapsing on the couch and whipping out the box again, ending up in some sort of staring contest.

Maybe if he stared long enough the box would actually disappear.

One hour passed by, and nothing happened. Goro’s head remained empty as well.

He groaned. Fuck, what had he been thinking?

_I didn’t think anything, really. I just saw it and thought…I should buy it._

_Don’t lie to yourself. You were hoping for something, weren’t you?_

_No, I didn’t._

_Really?_

_Well, why did you pick a wedding ring from all of the beautiful, red rings at display, then?_

_It was a coincidence!_

_I doubt so._

_I could really need a good friend’s advice by now, oh dear._

_Especially because thinking up some sort of conversation with myself is definitely, um._

_At the border of turning insane, actually._

_Curse myself for hating people- actually, no._

_Curse the fact that my friends can’t help me right now._

_So does my subconsciousness…really wish to propose? Is that it?_

Besides, wasn’t the proper way of proposing asking the family for the hand in marriage first? In this case- he’d have to ask Akira, Sojiro and Futaba. While he doubted Akira and Futaba wouldn’t allow him to marry Ren, he was unsure about Sojiro.

_And since when did you care what other people thought of your love?_

_Um, they’re sort of important? In this specific scenario, that is._

_I thought all that mattered to you was Ren’s opinion, and no one else’s._

Right.

What _would_ Ren think about this? Technically, they had been living together as if married for years now. And…

Goro got up from the couch, opening the drawer with their passports. He flipped them both open, and never did a particular detail fail to make his heart skip a beat:

Two names were printed boldly in the passports. One being Ren Amamiya…

…and the other…

Goro Amamiya.

Sure, they had never signed up as married, but sharing a last name sure damn already felt like it. He remembered how excited Ren had been about the idea of sharing a last name when he first told him- though technically, there wasn’t any commitment involved in the idea of it.

He also remembered the unfortunate way the first time Goro had asked ended, and that the second time had been more in haste- Sae was waiting at the other end of the line, impatient.

The brunet would always regret not being able to make the entire scenario more romantic.

Because Ren was, after all, a romantic at heart…and Goro wanted to fulfill his dreams if he could. Surely, he’d imagined a few scenarios up where Goro would ask him in private once more…

Yet those dreams never happened to be enacted in reality, because they had already acquired their passports by then.

The brunet had always felt sad about the fact he’d have to let go and abandon his last mother’s name, but seeing Ren’s giddy smile whenever he stared at the bell on their door with only one name on it…

Let’s just say he believed his mother would forgive him for the happiness he received in exchange.

_Besides…I did end up inherting her birthday in turn. And that day- it holds a special meaning by now._

Bemused, Goro’s eyes fell on Ren’s birthday.

_Is it really true? That this date…is the very same day you sweet-talked me when I was asleep? The day you realized you were beginning to develop a crush on me, and thought you could still control it?_

_The very same day I subconsciously already seeked your warmth, and you had trouble turning the TV off because of my relentless snuggles, and the day you wondered about my past?_

_You’re such a sap, Ren._

_But I love you for it._

So they shared a household, were in a loving relationship, shared a name…What if Ren thought this was enough? What if he’d never thought about being married because he was happy with how things were- or worse, what if he’d deliberately never cut to the topic of marriage because…he didn’t want such a commitment?

_I still don’t even understand why I’d need to propose, anyway._

_Because you still feel like living by the law and its constitutions._

_Yes, but I staked the world for its rules over and over again._

_Why on earth would I be bested by the idea of…marriage, then?_

_If I already have everything that consists of a shared partnership?_

_Of love?_

_Because you still want that title._

_The privilege._

_No, I don’t need it._

_What even is the meaning of such a stupid title?_

_I have so much, and it’s so much more than the…_

_The simple, old fashioned way of thinking that signing some paper signifies something._

_Oh but you love paperwork._

_You’ve spent so much time with it, after all._

_So you just…wish to have one more paper signed, once and for all._

_But if my want to propose comes from such a simple idea, is it even right to ask?_

_Isn’t it supposed to be much more romantic, much more intimate of an idea?_

_And I already have all that I need so…isn’t it dangerous, to be greedy?_

_Oh, Ren. You really do make me question myself, don’t you?_

Technically Goro was terrified of signing a pact of marriage- the idea of actually binding himself legally was just…something he’d never even considered. And as all humans, Goro did fear the unknown a little.

But on the other hand, his heart ached in the most pleasant way when he imaged being able to call Ren his husband for real.

_Fiancé first, dumbass. Then husband._

Goro tossed the passports atop of the drawer. They’d need them tomorrow anyway, so it was better if they were kept in sight.

When Goro collapsed onto the couch again, the cursed box was still there.

_Ren Amamiya, husband of Goro Amamiya, huh…_

Noooo, no, no. No, he couldn’t get lost in his dumb romantic fantasies. Really. This was not the time.

Ren always told him to think about the best possible outcomes of a situation, though. So- what if he wanted to get married?

Well fuck, Goro would definitely need to have the most dope-ass romantic marriage proposal planned out, then. Especially to compensate for the fact that he’d butchered that scenario when he asked if Ren wanted to share a name.

How? How would he even think up anything romantic? What did Ren expect? Did he have to go down on his knees for Ren?

The ex-detective focused. He’d willingly participated in watching romantic movies with Ren here and there- what had the raven said about the marriage proposals happening there?

_Flowers were a cliché, he said._

_A romantic night out was cute, but also wouldn’t blow him away._

_Watching a movie and cuddling together before the other blurted out a proposal…_

_…was almost disrespectful._

_Cheesy poems_ \- urgh, Goro wouldn’t ever be able to do that, anyway, so he didn’t even need to think about that one.

_Hold up._

Goro got up, hurrying into their shared bedroom. He ripped his bag open again, quickly finding what he searched for: the black leather notebook.

It was the same one Ren clutched to himself in those bad nights- the one he had given Goro such a long time ago to write down his memories of his mother, the ones he didn’t wish to share with Ren.

Ren had never known the only thing Goro wrote about was the raven himself.

The memories about his mother were treasures he wanted to share with his most precious someone- he didn’t want her to rot away in his mind. For every time he told someone about her, it felt like she came alive a little bit more- which is why Goro never kept anything about her to himself.

Sometimes, it would take him a little longer to bring up the topic, but Ren would always end up hearing about her at some point- Goro needed someone else to hoard his memories like the precious gems they were.

_And I like to think that you know…even the deepest parts of my soul. No matter how terrifying the thought is as well._

_There’s just something exhilarating about it._

This is why the diary Ren had given him had been useless at first- before Goro realized he could write down every line that he couldn’t say out loud.

And, surprise- they all ended up being words of adoration and love he wasn’t able to blurt out to Ren.

What if he used this to prepare a proposal beforehand? Have Ren read it and-

_Date: 3X/XX/20XX_

_I get all hot and bothered whenever I look at his slender fingers._

_The sensation of them inside me is just something I’ll never be able to ban out of my head ever again._

_Date: 1X/XX/20XX_

_Would it be weird to ask him if he could make love to me on the kitchen counter?_

_Date: 2X/XX/20XX_

_Being fucked against a wall is something I could get used to._

_And that burning look in his eyes, the one that I provoked because I teasingly joked about sleeping with someone else to spice up the experience in our bedroom?_

_Gold, I tell you. A treasure._

With a loud thump, Goro shut the book close, his cheeks burning brightly.

_Diary of unused romantic lines? More like diary of Goro’s kinks,_ the brunet thought ashamed.

Nope. The notebook was definitely out of the question- of course what he’d read was only an extract, and there were plenty of pages where he’d written long, long monologues about how seductive Ren was, or how much Goro loved him- but Goro couldn’t just give him the diary anymore.

Ever, actually. This diary would be buried with his deepest, darkest secrets- which he didn’t really have anymore, anyway- and never be opened by anyone but himself.

_Are you so sure about that?_

_Maybe Ren likes hearing about your dirty thoughts._

_He does always tell you to speak of the filthy fantasies you conjure up in your head._

_But this is **not** how I should propose to a hopeless romantic!_

_He would be disappointed forever if this was the lead-up._

_And the worst thing is, he wouldn’t even tell me._

_So you’re actually thinking of doing this, really?_

_I don’t think there’s much of a choice left, actually._

_I’m still unsure and confused why this is happening in the first place, but…_

_Conjuring the smile up on Ren’s face…is always worth it._

_And surely, he will smile if I propose._

Alright. So if Ren hated all of the ideas Goro remembered in the back of his mind- a date and flowers were out of the question, diaries were, too- what else was left?

He distantly remembered Ren saying it was so over the top how everyone got down on their knees for proposals, too, so-

Uuuuurgh.

Frustrated, Goro snatched his purse and his coat, slipping the box inside his pocket and heading out.

_Fucking curse that dispshit and the high standard of his expectations._

_I’ll show you what it means to mess with me._

When Goro came back, he had a bouquet of beautiful red roses, tickets for a cruise during nighttime, a stack of new DVD’s and coupons for a movie, as well as a book that taught you how to write a romantic poem with examples from famous poets around the world.

He wanted nothing more than to throw all of these things against the wall and watch them break into thousands of pieces.

Or maybe burn them. That was also an option.

With a sigh, he let the newly acquired purchases fall onto the table- all except the roses, of course. He took one good whiff of them- blast it, he hated the smell of roses, hurgh- before jamming them into a vase rather brutally, pouring water over them in the sink and creating a mess.

Goro Amamiya was in a pinch.

And now, he was frustrated as well.

Distantly, a voice rung out: “Hey, I’m back, babe!” and Goro nearly suffered a heart attack before he realized he’d hidden the box in his coat.

Ren found him in the kitchen, the dripping, wet vase in his hands, the sink still running- and laughed.

After pressing a chaste kiss onto Goro’s cheeks, he took the vase out of his hands. “Babe, care to explain what this is about? The roses are really pretty, though- where did you get them?”

_I was planning to propose, actually._

_No._

_I was hoping to court you-_

_Fuck’s sake, Goro, in which century do you live in again?_

“I mean, it’s a shame we can’t take fresh flowers onto the plane with us- I’m sure Ann would be elated to receive your gift.”

_Wait what._

Goro blinked. “Uh. What?”

“The flowers.” Ren sent him a smile. “You bought them for Ann, right? I remember how you once told me how you thought roses fit her image perfectly.”

The ex-detective really felt like getting his hands on a gun just about now.

Preferably to shoot himself, not his dumbass hus-fianc- _boyfriend._

_He’s not your fucking husband yet!_

_And he won’t ever be if you don’t propose!_

_But how?!_

Goro only nodded numbly, unable to give a proper answer.

“Thought so. I saw the stuff on the table, by the way-“

_For fuck’s sake._

“I think it’s adorable how you tried finding presents for all our friends.”

Goro, dumbfounded, stared at his boyfriend, who proceeded to wipe the vase dry and carry it back into the adjacent living room.

“The poem writing book. It’s for Yusuke, right? Something…artsy. I know you strongly dislike buying normal ass souvenirs, but it took me a while to understand why on earth you’d bought this book, ha!” The raven let out a laugh.

“The cruise- I’m guessing- is for one of the girls, or maybe two of them- Haru and Sumire fit the image. Movie tickets are for Ryuji and Morgana, the two biggest addicts when it comes to watching premiers in cinemas. Futaba and Makoto are going to drown themselves in the amount of romantic, cheesy movies you bought- I’m right, aren’t I? Though Akira has no present so far.”

Alright, maybe Goro would contemplate shooting his oblivious boyfriend.

_I wonder what he’d have thought if he saw the ring on the table. Would he have thought I spent a shitton of money for- who, Shiho?_

Further, Ren’s reaction caused Goro’s insecurities to grow. Maybe this really was proof Ren didn’t think of marriage at all. Frankly, Goro thought marriage was stupid, anyway- if two lovers swore to stay by each other’s side, why on earth did they need the law to confirm that again?

_Because being introduced as ‘This is Goro, my husband’ somehow..._

Goro didn’t want to admit it, but it _definitely_ made his heart squeeze. Fuck, he wanted the title- so what of it? What if it was stupid and pointless- he must have been influenced by all those disgusting cheesy movies Ren had forced him to watch, really. That must be why he was acting like a lovestruck teenage girl.

_Really?_

_Maybe you really opt to be more honest with yourself._

_But aren’t I?_

_This was…this was probably only caused by last night’s marathon session._

_Would you really be that easily influenced?_

_There’s nothing wrong in giving in to greediness, you know._

_Of merely wanting the title that is part of this world’s rules._

_You can only come so far with burning down an entire country all the time, after all._

“Goro?”

Ren flicked his fingers in close distance to Goro’s eyes. “Earth to Goro?”

Scowling, the brunet slapped the hand away.

_Maybe it’s my fault he doesn’t realize this is all for him. I didn’t ever buy him presents, anyway- except takeout food or paying for some bills and dates. Considering how desperately he always clutched onto the notebook, though…_

_Maybe I should have bought him something like the silver bangle I still treasure._

_But copying ideas is so lame! It wouldn’t be original, and it wouldn’t be interesting, either._

_Wait, so maybe following the cheesy movies’ way of proposing is a bad idea, too-_

Goro cursed his own incompetence. He’d definitely make Ren realize the presents were meant for him and none of their stupid friends.

But that also meant proposing.

Ah, fuck, fine. Fine! Sometimes, people needed to dare shit. Proposing to Ren couldn’t be more difficult than taking down Shido and his entire conspiracy, correct?

And surely, he could just admit to the clusterfuck of his thoughts afterwards- and admit that above all, calling and claiming Ren as his husband…

Was just a very nice feeling.

And marriage was probably something Ren wanted, deep down in his heart, anyway- so why would Goro deny his lover that dream?

“Ren.”

Goro tried to remain calm and serious as he stepped closer to the raven, who was busy staring at the presents on the table. He looked up upon hearing his name.

_Fuck, even after all those years, a single glance is enough to make me lose myself inside your eyes._

Goro took a deep breath, taking one of Ren’s hands into his own.

“I- you know I…I’ve come to appreciate you over the year-“

_Very romantic, Goro. Very eloquent. Go, me!_

Ren tilted his head. “Mhm?”

Goro’s heart was sent into a frenzy, and he was sure his hands would start to go all clammy and sweaty if he didn’t stutter out the words soon.

Though stuttering wasn’t really romantic.

“And I- I think this is nothing that we need to do, but I just- I think it would-“

_If you keep beating around the bush any longer, he’ll literally end up misunderstanding you._

“Would you…go…a step further with me? Us?”

Goro averted his eyes, staring down at their hands. Ren’s palm was rough- calloused from years of working hard and working nearly everywhere. The brunet loved being able to feel the life through Ren’s hands- it felt like being able to grasp part of the life Goro had not yet been involved in.

“You mean…?”

Goro nodded shyly.

“But you said you disliked roleplay after we tried that apron thing. Or were you just too shy to admit you actually did like it?”

_What?_

“What?”

Ren grinned wryly. “Roleplaying. You know- after the apron thing…I told you about this weird dream I had about you being an actual detective, and myself being some sort of famous thief who caused you trouble, but we inevitably ended up being extremely attracted to each other and so I proposed we could play this out in real life-“

Yes, Goro _definitely_ needed that gun right now.

Instead of shooting, he groaned, shoving Ren away rudely and collapsing onto the couch.

“Fuck, Ren.”

_Are you doing this on purpose? I swear!_

“Now?”

“No! I didn’t mean having sex with you- or- or living out some fantasy of yours- wait, no I am-“

His boyfriend was genuinely confused. “So…then what?”

Goro buried his scream in one of the soft cushions.

“Go and- make some food. I’m hungry. _Please.”_

_Anything to get you out of my face right now. Even if this was my own incompetency failing me._

_Why, despite being so fucking smart, are you so oblivious sometimes?_

Ren shrugged, disappearing back into the kitchen.

So attempt one had failed. That was okay.

Goro still had a little more than a day before they ended up on a plane. That meant he could attempt a few times over and over again.

_That day…you kissed my hand, and swore your loyalty to me. That felt like a proposal already._

_How should I imitate that feeling? Your behavior?_

_Without copying you?_

_Because without evoking that torrent of emotions we both felt back then…surely, my proposal would be nothing more than a sad memory._

_But this isn’t a competition, I suppose._

_I just…_

Goro sighed.

_I just want to marry you once and for all, even if it means bending to the world’s rules for once._

After a fulfilling meal, Goro tried again. He realized he’d been too vague before- he needed to be more direct in his attempt to ask for Ren’s hand.

They were nuzzling for each other’s warmth on the couch, the TV playing in the background. Both of them had actually long decided to buy the apartment up and keep it in case they ever decided to drop by during vacations or the like.

Goro gulped. Alright.

“Ren.”

“Mhmmm?”

Oh, Goro was so soft for Ren pressing kisses atop of his head like that while slinging an arm around his waist, drawing him close.

_Halt, halt, halt._

_Focus on the mission._

“Did you ever think about…kids?”

_Can someone slap me? Please?_

“Kids?”

Goro was glad he couldn’t see Ren’s face, as he’d squeezed his eyes shut.

Fuck, his heart was jamming loudly in his chest- too loud to realize what a genuinely dumb start this had been. No matter- he could still rescue himself out of this, couldn’t he?

“Yes. Like…a family.” _Like a husband. Like impregnating-_

_This isn’t going to go well, is it?_

“But I have family. Futaba, Sojiro, Akira, you…the rest of the group…Wait.”

Ren blinked, moving away from Goro and searching his gaze.

“Are you thinking of taking in one of the orphans?”

_Oh fuck no._

“No!” Goro yelled, panicking. “I-“

“Calm down, Goro. I wasn’t going to shame you for thinking about it, or contemplating it.”

“No, but I-“

“Actually…I’ve never thought about being a father, to be honest. I don’t even know if I could pull it off well- especially not now, when I’m still half a mess myself. It’d be very irresponsible for me to just- try and hope being a father figure to someone would go well on a mere whim. Are you seriously thinking about adopting?”

A lump was stuck in Goro’s throat.

Fuck.

Having- kids? Building a real family with Ren?

Goro hadn’t thought about what other opportunities could come up once they were registered as a real partnership. Adopting while being unmarried was nearly impossible- for whatever dumb reason there was. But with Ren as his husband, chances would be astronomically high to adopt. Sure, he also wasn’t ready to be a father yet, but…

A kid.

Someone he could…raise with Ren and-

“I can see how you yearn for it, babe.”

Ren’s mirth threw Goro back into reality.

_Are you dumb?! How about you focus on proposing first before you think of-_

A sweet kiss was pressed to his lips, and when Ren’s tongue entered, Goro wasn’t able to think straight anymore.

“It sounds wonderful, really. I’m definitely all for it- sometime in the future, that is. I don’t want to risk being a bad father figure to our kid when I’m still busy sorting my shit out, Goro. Is that okay? You’re not angry, right?”

Strongly, Goro shook his head, pressing another kiss onto Ren’s lips with as much fervor as he had.

“No…”

Oh, a kid.

_Our child._

_Someone whom I could pamper in love besides you and buy gifts for._

_Someone we could build a future for and watch, how under our combined life experiences and love, reaches out and grasps opportunities to grow even further._

_Someone that would wear our name proud even after we’ve long but vanished…_

_Someone to leave a legacy behind with…_

_Oh dear, I’m a goner._

“Great.” Ren rubbed their noses together, a playful smile on his lips.

Goro was only able to yank himself out of the daydream of raising kids with Ren much later, and realized he had strayed too far from topic, too.

By then, Ren was already talking about how much he wanted to hug the shit out of Futaba and Sojiro, and wondered what had become of everyone- whether all of them had continued on on their paths, or decided to do something else entirely- whether all of them were safe and sound and what they’d gone through in the year apart-

No matter. Goro still had a lot of time left. Proposing while making love seemed like another bad idea, especially because it would clash with the idea of being romantic-

But a sex induced high had always helped Goro form the proper words if needed, or drove his competitional spirit to try and knock Ren out for real. Yes, the idea really was terrible, but…

All of his attempts so far had ended up in failure.

So maybe it was time to make use of extremes for once.

Alright.

***

“Ah- Ren- hah-“

A particular harsh thrust almost made Goro lose his damn mind.

“Ren-nhhhhhh. Reennn!”

“Hm?”

_Ah, fuck, don’t just- don’t just hit my sweet spot, you absolute evil, malignous creature-_

“Ren, I love you- ah!” A moan broke free off Goro’s lips as Ren teased him relentlessly, squeezing his cock as he hit that spot all over again.

“I know, babe. I do, too- hn!”

The next thrust made the bed creak in protest, shameless groans spilling forth both their lips.

Within a few moments, they reached their climax, and together- felt the sensation of white-hot pleasure washing over their bones.

With a last kiss- it was over.

Exhausted, breathing heavily, both their faces flushed to the max- Ren snuggled close after finishing with the clean up, pressing another gentle kiss atop of Goro’s forehead.

_Alright, Goro. Go, now. This is your chance._

Ren sighed pleasantly as the brunet begun spreading kisses all over his neck, licking and biting mildly.

“You told me you loved me- so many damn fucking times today, Goro. I thought I wouldn’t last a minute, seriously.”

“Really now?” Goro wanted to come off more teasingly, but- his mind was a cloudy maze, a soft cloud of sweet marshmellows and cotton candy- fuck, sex with Ren would never not make him insane- so his voice was nothing but a shallow whisper.

“Mhm.” Ren drew him into a kiss, albeit it was a chaste one- they were too tired for anything else, really.

“What’s the special occasion? I don’t usually get treated with so many love confessions. Not that I mind either way- I’ll always greedily take what you offer me.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his lover’s lips, and despite the exhaustion apparent in his eyes- Goro felt the vigor stirring underneath.

_Alright. This is it._

“Well…I realized that…I never did tell you how badly I crave you, did I?”

Ren scrunched his eyebrows. “But it’s very clear in your actions, Goro. You’re not the type to spew love confessions all the time- like I said, I’m not complaining- but still. What…makes you think this is necessary, all of a sudden?”

“Well, it’s just- our time together in this…exile, if I may call it that sort- is almost over. And I…I realize there was something I hadn’t done yet while we’re still just between us, so-“

“But our time together will never be over, Goro? Or do you think we’d suddenly break up just because we’re back in Tokyo?” Ren was concerned now, and alarm spoke out of his voice.

“No, no! Of course not. I just-“

“Seriously, Goro.” Ren heaved himself up a little, staring down at the brunet underneath him.

“Whether we’re alone in the world or not- nothing, I swear, nothing and no one will ever tear us apart. I’m sorry for failing and…not noticing the insecurity in your heart.”

_Oh, you’re such a sweet sap._

Goro reached for Ren’s cheeks, pulling him down into another kiss.

“No, it’s not like that, Ren. I love you so much, but…I still have trouble expressing some things, and yet you’re always so understanding and patient and-“

“Of course I am,” Ren cut him off, a little bit of a scowl on his pretty face now, “I know all that, Goro. I’ve never required you to give me more, and I- I have no idea which of my actions caused you to think otherwise, but- please don’t ever think you need to push yourself when it comes to expressing your thoughts and feelings, dear.”

He cut Goro’s next words off with a kiss.

“Are you that scared of going back, despite being excited all the same?”

_Maybe I am. Maybe some fucked up part of me is scared I’ll have to let you go if we’re back._

_Maybe, after growing used to all this- I’m scared of change, as familiar as it will be._

Goro hadn’t said anything, yet understanding dawned on Ren’s face, a soft smile appearing as he cupped the brunet’s cheeks.

“Okay. I get it. I suppose…sealing our love by pledging and only kissing you might not have been enough.”

_This is it, Goro! This is the perfect opportunity._

_Strike now!_

_Do it!_

“Actually, about that-“

“I suppose I’ll always be a bit of a failure when it comes to that matter.”

_Huh?_

Anger rose in Goro’s chest, anger about the fact that Ren put himself down. The raven ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

“Sorry. I bet…other people, like Akira or something- they’d probably pick up the hints much sooner, or-“

“What the _fuck,”_ he heard himself hiss, “are you talking about, Ren?”

With a new burst of energy, fueled by his anger, he flipped his lover onto his back, hovering above him.

“Ren. My insecurities and my fear and anxieties- they’re not your fault. We might have promised to battle our fears together, but- you’re an idiot if you think you’d be a failure for causing these feelings to appear in the first place.”

His boyfriend still didn’t look happy.

“But a good relationship-“

“I don’t fucking care what a good relationship is, Ren. As far as I’m concerned, we have the best fucking ultimate relationship there is, you dumbass. And I wouldn’t _want_ any other- you hear me? Now swear to me you won’t ever let yourself spew this nonsense again. Please.”

A soft smile appeared on Ren’s face, and he huffed. Tears glistened in his eyes.

“You’re too fucking good for me, Goro.”

“No, you’re the one-“

“I suppose we’ll always believe the other deserved better.” Ren laughed. “But in the end, what matters is…that we chose, right? We wanted this, and nothing else. I’m sorry for…forgetting that, in the heat of the moment.”

Gently, Goro felt Ren’s thumb caress his cheek.

“I love you. I’m sorry for spewing that bullshit- I’m well aware of your stance in this whole thing. And you’re correct, you know? I’ll work on adapting your attitude from now on as well.”

“Good.” The brunet pulled him into yet another searing kiss.

“So…”

“Hm?”

Mischief glinted in Ren’s eyes.

“Don’t you want to, uh…punish me, for thinking…bad things?”

_A challenge._

Goro smirked.

“You crave to be dominated that badly? I thought you exhausted yourself after fucking me earlier. Not that I don’t have the energy for a second round, though.”

“Whenever you tell me my place, or scold me- it just…turns me on.”

Goro barked a laugh. “I always knew you were a bit of a masochist, remember?”

“When it comes to you, babe, I’m both. Though less of a sadist and more…someone who wants to shower you in love and see how you dissipate under all that. Besides- you get all hot and bothered when I get aggressive, right? So in a way, we’re similar.”

“Ha.” Their lips met in yet another kiss, so fierce and vicious, Goro made sure the last remnants of a teasing smile on his lover’s lips was naught but erased.

“So…how would you like to be punished, Ren? What’s your dirty fantasy- tell me?”

Those onyx eyes, they glittered- and the grin on Ren’s face sent Goro’s heart up into his throat, his libido twitching curiously.

“Well…what do you think about riding me? While I’m not allowed to touch you? See how long I’ll last- and refrain from using my hands.”

_The challenge is on._

“I’m sure you won’t even last a fucking minute, Ren.”

“Ha- we’ll see. We’ll see how long _you_ last without begging me to touch you and drawing my hands all over your body.”

Too late, Goro realized- they had already finished with the second round, and their energy was depleted by now for sure-

-had Ren again not understood his words.

Casually bringing it up now, as Ren nuzzled closer, kissed him goodbye for the night- was probably impossible.

Not like he could even form the words by now, anyway.

_It’s fine. Our flight departs in the late afternoon- I still have a lot of time until then._

He leaned into Ren’s touch, granting him yet another kiss.

_I’ll definitely pull it off tomorrow._

***

It had been twenty-four fucking hours and roughly ten failed attempts and Goro Amamiya had yet to propose.

By now, they were already at the airport- time was running. In his carelessness, Goro almost forgot to hide the box under his coat as it was sent through the security check.

Why they hadn’t just bought a private jet and were done with these extremely long queues and whatnot, Goro didn’t know, but he’d definitely bring the idea up to Ren once they were back.

It wasn’t like Goro wasn’t excited, alright- but his mind was in a frenzy, trying to think up an idea of how the fuck to bring a ring onto Ren’s finger before his time was up- he couldn’t be bothered with anything else at the moment.

Quickly, he donned his coat back on after he was finished with the security proceedings, and hid the box before Ren could see it. Then, he chatted his boyfriend up over and over-

But somehow, the words wouldn’t come.

Even when they were making love, Goro’s _‘_ _Do you want to stay with me forever’_ wasn’t really understood as Ren replied _‘I wouldn’t be here doing this if I didn’t’_ and had moved on to make Goro reach his peak, finally giving in and using his hands-

Urgh.

Goro might have won that round of sex, but he had definitely all but failed at everything else.

When they got off the taxi that had dropped them off in a side alley near Leblanc, Goro had almost given up entirely.

Ren was too riled up- extremely giddy, actually- to notice the damp mood Goro had fallen into, and proceeded to excitedly drag his boyfriend and their bags towards Leblanc.

With a sigh, Goro tried to get rid of the last of his hopes. Once they were reunited with everyone, Ren would be too busy and excited than that Goro could find a moment of peace with him and pop the question. Maybe he really didn’t care about marrying Goro- maybe it was fine to stay the way they were.

And besides…Ren would always be his, wouldn’t he? That’s what he told him. Husband or not, they were bonded for life either way.

Though it was certainly weird Ren hadn’t attempted to cheer him up despite his mood souring with every step they took and drew nearer to Leblanc.

“Goro, look! We’re finally back!”

They stopped, or more like- Ren stopped them, and Goro mustered up a weak smile.

_This was an impulsive, foolish idea, anyway. I might never get the opportunity to monopolize him ever again, now that we’re back, but it’s not like he’ll slip out of my grasp entirely._

_And his smile when he’s with friends and family is precious, too- maybe better than a smile a proposal could draw onto his face._

“Come on, Goro! Why aren’t you lifting your gaze?!”

Ren’s impatient cry snapped Goro out of his thoughts, tearing his gaze away from the glowing raven and taking in the long, dearly missed building-

Which was.

Um.

Goro squinted.

Rubbed his eyes.

Squinted again.

Pinched his cheeks.

“I may be wrong, but…wasn’t Leblanc only half this tall when we left? Are these two new levels stacked atop of the café? I’m not- are you sure this is the right address?”

Laughter spilled forth of Ren’s lips as Goro analyzed the familiar- and yet unfamiliar- sight in detail. The entrance and the building looked exactly the same from the outside, just like a year ago- but there were undeniably two more levels stacked atop of the building.

What the fuck.

Goro turned towards his boyfriend, who was close to spilling tears alongside his laughter. As soon as he had Goro’s attention, however, his laughter subsided, and a look of love and adoration shimmered in his eyes as he begun to smile.

He took Goro’s hands into his own, smiling sheepishly.

“This- is our new home. The big surprise I was telling you about. I actually spent a shitton of money to renovate Leblanc, but I knew Boss would never allow me to change the café in itself or touch the attic- not like I’d have done that in the first place. But since you hated living there without having privacy and a proper bathroom- well, I thought, why not add something atop of it?”

“…What?” Goro’s brain short-circuited, unable to process the words.

“Basically, as far as I know, the attic’s still the same, except it has a door with a lock now and stairs leading upwards- plus new walls.” Ren chuckled.

“The new third level? I requested it should be designed like a living room with an open kitchen. Sure, the kitchen’s not as big as the one we had back on the island- but I don’t think we ever made use of the huge space there except to, uhm. Make love.” He cleared his throat.

“Anyway, the third level has a small balcony with a roof, too- and a small bathroom. We have a washing machine in that one, by the way. The entire thing has soundproof walls, too!”

Happiness was exuding from the raven like sun rays, gently bathing anyone and anything in his sight.

Which currently consisted of Goro alone.

“And the best thing about this is the fourth level- our new bedroom. With a bathroom that features a tub, babe. And a shower! So we can take a bubble bath or have that shower sex you always secretly craved for but never admitted-“

Goro pinched his forehead.

“Wait. Hold on. You mean…you built this? For us?”

Ren nodded, his cheeks blushing that beautiful pink that was ever so rare.

“The idea came to me as soon as we got money and all that. The biggest problem was that I obviously wasn’t allowed to build something atop of Leblanc under my own name- or my funds- because it was connected to our past. So…at first, the idea of creating a new home here was dismissed by that mean, frilly prosecutor.”

He scratched his head. “But theeeeeen…I called up his husband, the one in the blue suit with the spiky hair- he’s just as much of a hopeless romantic as I am. He supported me in my idea and acted as a go-to between building this project and getting permission from Sojiro and everything. I guess I sort of cheated a bit, because I bet Boss knew whose idea it was to build new rooms atop of the attic in a seemingly ‘no costs attached’-lottery win, which meant I _did_ connect to my past…”

Ren chuckled. “But the attorney is a great guy, and he did just about everything to cover my tracks as best as he could, so no one could take any legal actions against me or my wishes.”

Goro’s brain stopped working- again.

Well, technically it hadn’t rebooted yet in the first place.

“This is where most of my funds went into- because fuck, renovating Leblanc and making it stable enough for more levels, as well as basically tearing off the attic’s roof and everything- sure was expensive. Apparently, the construction team told the defense attorney I probably would have gotten off waaaay better by building an entire new house or something.” More giggles escaped the raven.

“And we don’t have a garden here- but I actually bought up a small property of land in the area near Ichigaya, because I know how much you enjoyed tending to the garden back in Tokushima- and frankly, you are really good at growing those home-made vegetables. Oh, and about that playground I promised you?”

Goro wasn’t sure he know how to function properly anymore, but he formed the words nevertheless.

“What…about it.”

He didn’t even have the energy to make it sound like a question anymore; all his brain was capable of- or tried to concentrate on- was breathing and letting his heart beat, of letting some sort of blood stream through his veins.

And something was bubbling up inside him, something dangerous that would soon erupt…

“I obviously couldn’t buy ourselves a playground and build it into the house- but well, if we adopt kids in the future, maybe we’ll have to move out and then we could actually buy a real playground- anyway. I sort of bought up the propriety of Inokashira Park’s playground, too? Or at least we have more rights over it now.”

Ren’s smile twitched as he ran a hand through his hair- he was nervous.

Especially because Goro had yet to react.

“It’s still open to the public and stuff, and we can’t really tell people not to use it- but if we have a few talks with the park’s security staff and the city, we’ll always be allowed to close off the playground for private parties and the like. We can also add new playground items, or renovate it- the city will even support us in funding these projects, actually.”

A wistful sigh escaped the raven, and he let his gaze trail over the neighborhood in favor of fixing Goro for now.

“This place is full of memories. And Leblanc is where we first met. You said this was…your safe place.” Ren let his sentence trail off meaningfully.

“You…enjoyed staying here much more than at my apartment over in Shinjuku. The only good thing about that one was that nobody could hear us and we had a heater system, as well as a proper bathroom. It took roughly half a year to finish this project here, by the way- and I begged for it to be ready by today. Sadly, they couldn’t finish building in an elevator on the other side of the building, but…I guess we can still decide if we want that later on.”

With his next words, Ren’s eyes all but burned themselves into Goro’s soul- and the excited smile on his face nearly knocked the brunet off his feet and onto the ground.

“This is why I’ve been on the edge of my seat since yesterday! Among other things, of course. Do you…like it?”

Goro remained frozen.

Ren’s face fell. “You…don’t?”

A white-hot rage befell Goro, the simmering feelings from before breaking free, overriding his entire systems, and he stopped thinking- his brain had stopped functioning long ago, but now?

Fucking Ren had built an entire fucking home for them.

_Just_ for the two of them- in a place that was choke full of sentimentality, memories and love.

To top it off, he’d somehow pulled every fucking register there was to ensure this was ready by the day they returned- while Goro had been way too busy being occupied on how to propose than to spend a second thinking about where they’d permanently stay in the future.

“Goro?” Ren looked unhappy by now, fear and anxiety getting the best of him.

_Goro doesn’t like this, or else he’d given off some sort of reaction already._

_Fuck, I blew it._

_Fuck!_

Neither of them even heard the door bursting open and a bunch of their friends hollering or whistling loudly. Futaba and Akira ran out in the exact same second Goro let out a primal scream, freezing them all on the spot.

_”Fuck you,_ ” he screamed at the raven, who was all but close to tears.

Gripping something in his pocket, Goro pulled out the velvety black box, nearly ripping Ren’s wrist off as he yanked the latter’s hand towards himself and jammed the ring onto his finger, carelessly throwing the box to the ground.

It fit perfectly.

“We’re getting married, asshole,” he yelled, brutally pulling the other into a kiss.

Then, Goro got back to his senses.

Futaba had picked the box up, her jaw dropping. Akira had thrown his hands over his mouth- oh, his hair had grown long, and was that a lip piercing?

And Ren?

Ren was stunned- but all Goro could see was the apprehension in his eyes as his gaze flitted back and forth between the ring and Goro, who was still holding onto his collar.

There was nothing but silence.

_Fuck._

Goro had blown it.

Not only blown it, but had probably just won the award for ‘worst and least romantic proposal’ ever.

_Fuck._

He let go of Ren’s jacket, just as the raven seemed to come back to life himself. Goro nearly stumbled over the bags behind him as he took a step back- and then another.

“I-“

The words got stuck in his throat.

“I’m sorry.”

Then, just as Ren’s hand reached out, he turned on his feet and took off.

At least years from jogging around the island made him a fast sprinter.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

How could he ever show his face in front of anyone ever again? Maybe he should have actually stayed dead- at least it would save him from feeling the embarrassment reaching into every inch of his bones.

_Fuck, he’d been so excited._

_Fuck, he probably blew his entire inheritance on- on all those meaningful presents, and all those beautiful promises he did his damn best to fulfill and-_

_And turn into reality._

_I can’t._

_I can’t!_

_This is too much- do I really deserve it?_

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckkkkkkkk._

_And look at me, jamming that fucking thing on his finger and insulting him in the same sentence._

**_Fuck!_ **

Fuck, he’d blown it- he’d done it- this was it. Ren had prepared the world’s sweetest present for them- a fucking home, for fuck’s sake!

And then Goro ruined the moment the two of them would reunite with friends and family after an entire year by publicly degrading his boyfriend and shoving something onto him that was supposed to be an intimate decision made by the two of them in private- or more importantly: in consent.

Great.

_Asshole? The only asshole here was me._

_Fuck, is there a way to kill myself and turn time back in the same instance?_

_Fuck!_

Goro didn’t hear shit- the only thing he was focusing on was running as fast and as far as possible, while desperately thinking up yet another plan of how to conceal his identity forever and participate in the actual version of the Witness Protection Program.

He’d just reached Inokashira Park- a glance at the empty playground made him slow down-

_Fuck, did he really buy this up?_

_Does that mean the seesaw and the swings, they- they belong to us now?_

-and he was tackled to the ground almost immediately.

His instincts kicked in, the panic and fear in his mind running haywire- and he gutted the other person into the solar plexus as soon as he got the opportunity to, throwing both of them down and rolling around in the sand. If this was one of Shido’s goons, then-

The painful scream resounding in the park quickly made him realize who exactly he’d punched, though.

He was straddling him now, both of their clothes ruined by the playground’s sand clinging onto them- and Ren still had the audacity to break out into laughter while wheezing painfully.

_Oh._

Goro was about to take off again when Ren took ahold of his wrist and held him in place with inhumane strength- or maybe Goro was just tired of running away.

_I can’t. This-_

_This is too much, Ren. Even for me._

_Even for us._

_Fuck, I can’t cry now! I’m not the one that deserves attention and apologies right now-_

_I’m not the one that’s supposed to be comforted now-_

Breathing heavily, Ren sat up, spitting some of the sand away that had found its way into his mouth. He hugged Goro tightly, making escape impossible- and while Goro wanted to flee and never return again, he also loved nothing more than being in his lover’s arms.

And this way, he could hide his tears, too. Even if that didn’t stop the raven from feeling the sobs and shudders.

Goro buried his face into his lover’s chest, feeling and breathing in his heartbeat the same instance he yelled out the entirety of the storm inside him- all the adoration, the gratitude, the love, the pain, the sadness, the good and the bad-

His muffled screams and his tears- even they couldn’t express how he felt about everything. It wasn’t enough. It didn’t express his feelings in the least- it couldn’t give form to the way his heart shattered apart because he ruined the proposal, and glued itself back together when he thought about what Ren had prepared for them- only to shatter apart _again,_ because _it’s too much it’s too much it’s too it’s tooooooo muuuuuuuuch_

_Ren, what-_

_Ren-_

_Ren!_

His mind was screaming, crying, battling-

_Fuck, I can’t breathe- I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t-_

A gentle hand found its way into his hair, stroking him gently.

“I love you, Goro.”

The storm inside him subsided- if only a little.

_You can’t fucking lose control of yourself, Goro._

_If only for his sake._

_You can’t._

With a shuddering, last gasp- Goro closed his eyes, focusing on the hand in his hair, on the familiar scent- the scent that had changed after all this time; coffee and spice, a certain shampoo, the smell of specific herbs and a faint whiff of chocolate-

A scent the two of them had forged together.

And there was also a hint of the perfume Goro had sprayed on him in the airport- the one that had been labelled as ‘L’homme séduisant‘.

_Because it fit._

Goro’s ears stopped ringing, the same instance that Ren begun to talk again.

“Fuck, babe…was this the reason you were behaving so odd the entire time, with all those out-of-the-blue questions? I thought you were- were nervous about meeting everyone-“

Goro gulped down the lump in his throat, ordering the tears to hold back.

He breathed in, once more- relished in the fresh scent of what was their existences merging together.

“Shit, your punches still pack a bunch. Never thought I’d feel the pain of your all-out attack ever again.”

Goro opened his eyes, drew back a little- calming his erratic breathing as he looked into his lover’s shimmering eyes-

Or maybe it was just his own vision still clouded by tears, he didn’t know.

“I-“

_Fuck, are you real?_

“Don’t apologize, babe.” Ren drew him into a kiss.

“I mean…not gonna lie, that _was_ quite the show- honestly. Never expected to be proposed by you of all people. I thought something like that was out of the question.”

The fear and anxiety inside of Goro begun to subside, but a flicker or irritation took their place instead.

“What, why-“ Goro was cut off.

“But did you mean it?”

Instantly, the cheery mood of the raven disappeared, and he looked unusually serious.

The earnest look in his eyes told Goro he wasn’t allowed to lie his way out of this, or he’d really have to fear the raven’s wrath.

_And no matter how much a horny part of my brain wishes to feel his wrath wash over me, this is not the wrath I’m seeking._

“I did,” the brunet croaked out, wanting nothing more than to hide himself behind the toys on the playground, or bury himself in the sand, “but…I didn’t want it to say it like _that!_ That was probably the worst proposal in history.”

Ren gently found Goro’s hand, drawing soothing and firm circles onto the soft material of the leather gloves. A cold spring breeze had been predicted by the weather forecast for today, and Ren had bought Goro these new gloves early morning, when they had gone out for a last stroll and the brunet had eagerly oogled them out of the displayed window.

“Then…would you allow me another question, Goro?”

“Obviously, you idio-“ Goro bit his tongue, almost drawing blood in an attempt to hold back the insult. “I’m-“

He buried his head in Ren’s chest all over again, muffling yet another scream that made its way out of the deepest parts of his soul.

_Is it even humanly possible to put the feelings I hold for you into words?_

_Into sensations?_

_Into anything that a mere mortal is bound to?_

He drew back, wiping some of his tears away, and opened his mouth, “I-“

Only now did he notice the gentle, yet cold spring breeze kissing and caressing one of his hands- the glove had been slipped away without him noticing.

But that wasn’t the actual sensation Goro concentrated on as he was met with a shy grin on his lover’s face.

Something cold and metal slipped onto his fingers; and before Goro’s gaze flickered downwards, Ren had already grasped his hand and guided it to his lips- kissing the unidentified object that his brain was slowly picking up on.

As Ren gently lowered his hand again, mirth and love glittered in his eyes, his smile- his entire being- and finally, Goro’s gaze landed on the object.

He could see it now- though a distant part of his brain had already been aware what it must’ve been from the beginning- and it knocked the breath out of his lunges with an impact much stronger than the punch he just delivered onto Ren.

_Oh fuck._

A golden, thin wedding band adorned his finger. An onyx diamond, the same color as Ren’s eyes, shimmered mischievously, attempting to reflect the shocked look on Goro’s face.

_Fuck._

_Fuck, no._

_Is this some sort of fever dream?_

_I sound like Ren now._

_Oh, fuck._

Distantly, he grew aware that Ren was talking again.

“Actually, I wanted to buy a less tacky ring, but…You always talk about how you get lost in my eyes or some sappy stuff like that. And because I wasn’t sure if a silver wedding band would suffice to tell the world you’re mine, I went for the tacky version.”

Ren lifted Goro’s hand up once more to press yet another kiss onto Goro’s skin; this time, it was the place he’d marked nearly a year ago, the special place on the back of his hand that would always heat up and simmer whenever Goro recalled the memory.

“Just…you were faster than me, huh? With proposing, I mean. We had the same idea, though- buying a ring in the color of the other’s eyes. Geez, Goro- I was hoping to go down on my knee for you in front of Leblanc if I hadn’t gotten the feeling you were already freaking out because of the present. Presents? Whatever.”

_Is it necessary to breathe, when all I need is your existence- to both choke me to death, and bring me back into life all over again?_

_Shido was nothing in comparison to what I feel when I’m with you._

“But- you said- you thought it wasn’t- wasn’t original if people went down on their knees!” A fresh memory in Goro’s head protested, and now real anger began to break free. “You said- you said roses were out! And- and a date night out was boring, too! Or that it was rude if you- if you watched movies and the other just blurted out a proposal, and-“

Goro averted his gaze, his face burning.

Realization dawned on his lover’s face. “Oh, fuck- those presents- they were-“

“Obviously they were an attempt to make proposing easier- well, maybe I also bought them because I was feeling petty that you were so…That nothing would satisfy you from the only things that could inspire me. But hey- it doesn’t matter. I blew it! Even without anyone’s advice. Or maybe because of it. I hate myself. Can I go back in time and-“

“You overanalyzed.” Ren broke into laughter, causing the anger in Goro to gain momentum-

“What?!”

“You overanalyzed- even though usually, you tell me off for overanalyzing. But…the first time you asked me for sex- you freaked out and thought I rejected you. And this time around, you spent a shitton of time on thinking up yet another plan, right?”

“So what of it?!”

“Well, those comments I dropped when I forced you to watch romantic comedy movies- they didn’t. They didn’t have any deeper meaning attached to them.” Ren held a giggle back.

“I never thought about- about what I’d want if someone proposed to me when I said those things.”

“Then _why_ did you say all those things?!”

“Because you like trashing those movies, and I wanted to give you more openings?”

Though Ren’s mirth and mischief became more and more apparent, Goro’s anger simmered down to a small flame. Meanwhile, the grip Ren had on him tightened.

“I thought I always told you that no matter what you did…I would always end up being head over heels for you.” Ren’s eyes, his smile-

Goro couldn’t take in the power they held, felt like burning and shattering and being reborn all over again at the same time, and if a lone existence of a man could mean torture and ecstasy, could surge Goro up into heights and send him crashing down the very same moment all over again-

Well, he’d always known Ren was the only person capable of such things, but still.

The impact he could have on Goro, the actual extent- he had never realized _how_ strong Ren truly was- both as a person, and also in his power that he held over the brunet.

_But your love never meant a minute of suffering, Ren._

_Never._

The brunet drew in a shaky breath, relishing in that particular scent all over again when-

“Goro. Goro Amamiya.”

“Saying my full name like that is-“

The word _ridiculous_ got stuck on his tongue as Ren’s gaze staked him in the fire of love, robbed him of any air-

-made him want to drown and never surface again.

_I think I don’t need to kill myself._

_You’re doing a splendid job at it._

Ren drew in a deep breath himself, before kissing the brunet one last time.

“Goro Amamiya…”

Goro’s breath hitched, and he nearly begun to cry all over again.

_Is this really happening?_

_I know what’s coming, and yet…_

_Yet I am unable to withstand the torrent of the wave; its strength…_

“Yes?”

“Would you grant me the honor of marrying me?”

_Oh, fuck._

“I know this is cheating because I haven’t answered yet, so let me answer first: despite being called an asshole and hearing the world’s most unique proposal also known as _‘fuck, let’s get married, asshole’_ \- I love you.”

The bastard had the audacity to laugh, to press another kiss to Goro’s cheeks.

“I love you with every fiber of my being, and the year we spent apart from our friends and family only made me realize that more. There’s nothing- and no one- I would trade in for you and all the memories we created together.”

_I know, you fool. I know._

_I feel the same._

_And I am drowning in this wave crashing over me; the water, the feeling is feeling my lunges; its sucking my breath out; it kills me; and yet-_

_There’s no sweeter sensation on earth than this._

_Ah, I can’t breathe- but do I ever wish to do so again?_

“We’ve gone through so much together that we don’t even need the government to tell us we’re stuck forever- but the sound of _Goro Amamiya, my husband?_ It’s the sweetest tune in the world for me. And I also really wanna shove it down every person’s throat who went ‘You’re hot, wanna date?’ on you. Telling them our names only ended up in them going ‘Oh, are you cousins?’ and fuck- why do you get hit on so often? Wait.”

Ren sighed. “I know how sexy and hot you are, so that isn’t even a real question…”

A laugh got stuck in Goro’s throat as his tears broke free again; a raspy sound made it out of his core, his inner being.

_How can one talk being drowned in an ocean?_

_How can I feel so free and yet so confined at the same time?_

_It defies all logic, and yet…_

“I don’t know.” The brunet really did manage a weak laugh by now, after being hit by what felt like ten trucks at the same time-

-well, nothing could even possibly begin to describe the sensations and the feelings he was going- no, crashing through right now- so he decided to focus on talking instead.

“Maybe because you spent a lot of time with married, middle-aged women while I met a lot of young people in the supermarket?”

“They should have gotten the ‘Sorry girls, he’s taken’, though.”

“But they didn’t.”

“Or they refused to- fuck, what’s it matter? All I want to say is- it’d be nice to make it official. To _really_ rub it in anyone’s face who thinks they could steal you away from me. It…might not be the most romantic idea, but…we already have everything else that consists of a wonderful partnership. So is it so wrong to stick with simple ideas and wants when we already have everything else?”

A blush creeping up the raven’s cheeks, he coughed.

“I also don’t think we’re rushing things or anything. Sure, we might have only known each other for roughly two years- but it’s not necessarily about the time span we spent with each other-“

“-but the intensity of our shared journey,” Goro finished, a smile on his lips as he felt a surge of power inside him, making him able to swim again; to breathe and to speak more clearly.

Only a little, though.

He remembered Ren’s favorite phrase- the raven would frequently whip it into the elder women’s faces who were scandalized that Ren and himself shared an apartment. _You’re so young for a couple- are you sure you want to commit to living together yet? How about each of you focus on your own lives first and upkeep a normal, distant relationship?_

_Fuck them,_ Goro had always said.

“Yes,” the brilliant smile on Ren’s face rivalled the combined shine of the diamonds on each of their hands. “Exactly.”

_Oh, right._

_On each of our hands._

_Because…because I’m not the only one who wants it._

“You know there’s no way I would say no, Ren.”

“But I want to hear you say it.”

Their foreheads knocked together, and Goro’s eyes fluttered shut as he pressed yet another kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, demanding to take back the air in his lunges, to clear the water away with a simple gesture of his hand; to make the ocean bid his will.

Or maybe, deep down, he didn’t want the ocean to bend; its unpredictability and strength was always a joy to experience.

_Maybe…this has never been that difficult._

_We shared the same doubts about being ‘too simple-minded’, too._

_Maybe, even if my heart does not exist, its existence a certain man; maybe it would have told me to keep things simple and straight._

_Keep it very me._

“I love you, Ren. Will you marry me, and take me as your husband?”

“You haven’t even agreed to marry me yet! You can’t just answer a question with a question!”

Goro sealed his mouth shut with a searing kiss, one that demanded Ren’s entire attention, his very soul- not like he wasn’t willing to offer it to Goro all the time, anyway, but still.

_I’ll never stop being greedy about you._

_And if you insist of drowning me in an ocean, then let me be the fire to burn you; or the changing of tides to guide you; or the sun and the moon above you;_

_Let me be your everything, always, whether it’d be by abiding our own world’s rules or a different one._

“A Trickster once told me- if I don’t wish to reply, I need to outwit my opponent. So I did just that,” the brunet replied cheerfully, and Ren needed a second to remember that he himself had earned that nickname after a particular afternoon- before breaking out into a dopey grin.

“Fine, Goro. You win- well, you yelled it out to the world first, anyway, so I guess you also deserve the honor of the first answer. Yes- I want you. I want to marry you- I want you as my husband- even if you totally butchered the proposal.”

The former detective flinched, the memory dampening his mood all over again- yet he had no time to lose himself in those feelings as his lover guided his face up again, his eyes paralyzing Goro and making him unable to look away, demanding his entire attention to the here and now.

“…But the way you said it was also so much you that I can’t stay angry for long- it’s endearing, now that I think about it. You erupted like that because you got so emotional over Leblanc and everything I dumped on you, didn’t you? This was my mistake as well. I know how overwhelmed you can get- I mean, you do the same to me- but still.”

Ren laughed. “Maybe I overdid it this instance.”

“It’s true,” Goro replied, breathless- _fuck, kill me now, why don’t you?-_ “I wasn’t expecting that at all. I suppose…you never cease to surprise me.”

“You stiiiiilll haven’t answere- grmgpf-“ Ren’s sentence was lost in a kiss.

_I can’t take it anymore._

_No, maybe I can’t take you specifically anymore._

_I’m not making sense._

_Oh well._

_Something is still very clear._

“Yes, you idiot. I want to marry you- I want your everything to myself, exclusively. But you are aware I’ll never let you go for real once this is done? I don’t know what you see in me, still-“

“Goro, didn’t we go over the whole ‘No self-deprecation’-“

“Shut up for a second, ‘babe’!” The nickname rolled off Goro’s tongue mockingly, but affection spoke out of his smile.

_If your smile was a knife that drove itself into my chest everytime we talked, I’d gladly die a thousand times._

_Yet, I know the nature could never be of such a vile one; but how else can I even come close to describe the way your smile shakes me up from my very core?_

“Right. That’s- those words were always what I said back then, too-“

The brunet loved how stumped Ren would get whenever he used his own nickname against him.

_Self-projecting, I tell you._

_Or maybe, if I recall your words: I just made you like this._

_So hopeless for me._

“Listen, Ren. I told you- I’ll work on seeing my own value. But even after a year, it’s been difficult for me to see what you see in me- I still see myself as a pathetic wuss who didn’t dare raise against his father until he was encouraged and supported by a bunch of people years later.”

Ren opened his mouth in protest, but Goro silenced him by pressing his finger- the one with the ring- against it.

“Yet someone like you gives me hope- keeps giving me courage- keeps kicking my ass back if needed. There’s nothing I want more in the world than to monopolize you and keep you all to myself. So if you agree to this marriage- I will…I might grow even more selfish in my demands- and I will grow intolerable-“

“That’s not true,” Ren interrupted strongly, kissing Goro’s finger before removing it gently, “You’ve had the opportunity to do that the year we spent together- and you’ve never put your own egoism over my well-being. Stop lying, Goro.”

“I told you how much I hate you going out with your friends.”

“But you always dragged me outside if I tried staying in after you said so.”

“I didn’t even look forward to meeting our friends again- because I know that means you’ll spend less time with me.”

“That part is both a lie, and the truth. You frequently say that each of us is our own person- and has a life outside of being with their significant other, but it makes you jealous all the same.”

Ren granted him a kiss.

“Yet you did look forward to seeing everyone- don’t pretend you didn’t buy actual souvenirs and presents. Did you forget they made you unpack all those in the airport, because you also bought Ann an entire cosmetic set? Good thing they were all the small tube version, or else you would have been forced to throw them away.”

_I knew the airport security wouldn’t let the large versions through. I had that much foresight when I bought the kit._

“I’m not a nice guy. I’m petty, selfish, self-centered and have a shitton of bad history behind me.”

“Mhhhhm…most of that is true, but I wouldn’t change any of that. Except the bad history, maybe. But if I did…it raises the same old question all over again: I wonder if we’d still have ended up where we are now?”

Goro didn’t answer to that. “Yet, even though you know all this- you still want to enter a relationship that equals true life commitment with me? You’d risk suffering under me for the sake of…earning my love, that not even I know a lot about?”

Ren grinned. “Babe, I’ve promised to do that the day we were shipped off to the island. And hell yeah-I’d do just about anything to earn your love- to find out what it means to be truly, inherently, selfishly loved by Goro Amamiya. Stop adding this whole bullshit of ‘suffering’, though- your love is pure and not suffocating in the least.”

_As if you hadn’t already taken all that I can give you._

_As if you weren’t the very definition of love._

_As if there was anything left I could grant you._

_But you know what?_

_I’ll try._

_I’ll produce more-_

_I want you to drown in the feeling of my love for the rest of my life, fucking shit._

Ren’s reward was a kiss. Goro’s eyes were twinkling now, too- as if someone had picked the stars off the nightsky and gifted them to him and him only.

He knew Ren did.

_The nightsky in his eyes, and the stars in mine- and together, we create a new universe._

_Oh dear, I’m getting very sappy right now. Better stop._

“So you’re ready to do this? Endure me even longer? Be the first person to explore and bathe in my attention forever? Accept my love in all its twists and turns as we embark on a new journey- that is somehow still familiar?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m in.”

Goro’s eyes narrowed. “Even if you have to eat my burned pancakes all over again?”

Ren’s smile didn’t waver, but his cheeks flushed red. “Hey, the honey you poured over your body- I mean, over the pancakes- made up for its terrible taste. Not to mention-“

Goro sealed the filthy mouth with his hands, more laughter escaping him.

Funnily, after spending so much time with Ren and being fascinated by the sound of his laugh- he begun to like his own as well, hoping Ren would elicit it out of him a lot more. Because he had yet to be able to draw forth the sound by his own power.

“I get it. I get it, alright.”

Ren pried the hands off, pulling Goro into another kiss.

“Ready for another all-out attack, Ren?”

“By you? Or with you? Either way- come at me with everything you’ve got.”

“Ha. Prepare yourself, then- I won’t let you off the hook that easily.”

Ren leaned in for another kiss- and as Goro gazed onto the pretty, pliant lips, a bolt of lightning crashed through his body.

_Wait!_

Goro Akechi was not one for nice proposals.

Goro Akechi was also not one for love.

He was Goro Amamiya now- and he’d been granted a second chance in his life.

Yet his actions so far had been inherently Goro Akechi, a shadow of his former self; and he’d tried too strongly to be Goro Amamiya.

But there was a third way- another path in the misty fog of the labyrinth of life that he hadn’t realized he could take.

Because how did Ren put it? Merging and mixing yourself?

He would always be Goro Akechi; that was a fact. But he was also Goro Amamiya, so what he had to do…

Was to accept both, and move on as he found himself anew.

So he still had a chance to make up for butchering the proposal- by using his last and third persona.

A brilliant smile on his lips, he pushed Ren’s face away, dragging him onto his feet- the raven complied, as confused as he was.

“Uh, Goro-“

“Shut up for a second.” His words didn’t cause Ren to grow quiet- but his smile did.

The former detective slipped off the other glove on his hand; his skin was greeted by the cold air, and yet the heat surging from the very core of his being made him too excited and giddy than that he’d shiver.

With a smug smile, he threw the glove against Ren’s chest, watching it flutter down.

“Let me completely honest. I hate you, Ren. I also love you. You’re the only human on earth who could possibly even attempt to match me.”

Ren was still confused. “Uh, okay?”

Goro’s grin grew impossibly wider, seeing as Ren picked the glove up. “Hey, this is still a gift, don’t-“

“So you accept the challenge.”

Ren’s head whipped up, realization dawning on him. “This-“

“A challenge to a duel. A lifetime one- endless, with not even death being able to separate us. You will fight against me to the very last of your breath, Ren, and even further. Because you have already picked up the glove- accepted the challenge without listening to the rules. Well, I’ll gladly tell you now.”

He moved closer, his naked fingers dancing along Ren’s beautiful face. The latter’s eyes remained transfixed by his enchanting smile, pupils blown wide as he wanted nothing more than to press a kiss to Goro’s lips- and yet, listened with the utmost attention.

“Bring it. What are the rules?”

“You cannot back out. You cannot lose- or win. The same goes for me, actually. But we’ll still compete against each other as we attempt to one-up another, and make each other insane with an endless amount of duels…in where we’ll try to bring the other to his knees. There’s no turning back now- the duel has been accepted already. Are you ready?”

Instead of replying, Ren fell to his knees; a cheeky, brilliant smile on his face as he drew the brunet’s adorned hand back to his lips, pressing yet another kiss onto the former oath’s place on the back of Goro’s hand before moving onto his ring. Ren’s free hand, he laid upon his chest; right over his heart.

_You really do like a king proposing to his queen, Ren._

_Or maybe…his Ace._

_Either way…it’s a marvelous sight, and will remain ingrained in my soul forever._

Ren’s eyes were glittering as he looked up.

“Yes, I am. The oath has been renewed, then. And you have already won the first fight, my love. Color me impressed, my Ace of a Queen.”

_Both it is then._

_Makes sense- Goro Akechi was an Ace Detective; Goro Amamiya was the Queen to his King;_

_And now, I will be both._

With a smug grin, Goro’s hand cupped his lover’s chin, drawing him closer. “Of course I have. Did you really think I’d give you the honor of placing victory beforehand?”

“No,” Ren’s arms reached out, pulling and drawing Goro into his arms, sending both of them onto the ground; tumbling. Each one tried to get the upper hand by caging down the other now, a last kiss sealed their new promise; their duel; their oath.

Then, they tried fighting one another once more, unminding of the sand ruining their clothes as their laughter echoed through the air, careful not to damage each other’s rings. Ren was hovering over him now, but Goro sensed he wanted to say something important, so he refrained from trying to win the upper hand again.

“Goro?”

“Yes?”

“How about we wear two weddings rings?”

“Two?”

“Well, as fancy and as cool as our current ones are, I still want matching ones. So we’ll get another pair of golden ones- no fancy ornaments or anything. Just inscribe each other’s intials- and always, always wear both of our rings- one on the left hand, one on the right.”

“The placement of rings is debatable, I hope.”

Ren laughed.

“Then I challenge you to place them differently. But still- two rings, for each of us. Because one- is not enough.”

Something glittered in his eyes as the sun’s rays were obscured by his broad back, his body throwing shade.

_And what beautiful shade it is._

“One is not complete without the other- and the duel is held by two people as well. So it’s only fair if we also wear two rings, right?”

Laughter escaped Goro once more.

“You’re absolutely correct,” he said, drawing Ren downwards, “I cannot argue against your logic. Two rings it is then.”

“And I win the second duel.”

“Ha!”

Even as they kissed, the laughter did not disappear; it lingered in the air like an old friend, watching over them quietly.

In short distance in reality, and yet, in wide distance if witnessed with the perception of the couple’s world, the cheers and hollers of their friends echoed. They had followed them in fear of the worst.

“Are you filming this, Ann?! Man, I really thought this was going to be bad news, but look at them- still out on their PDA, even after a year…Wait, now they don’t even have to hold themselves back in public anymore, either- Goro Akechi doesn’t exist anymore, after all…Wait, that means they’re going to be insufferable! Wait, the rings on their fingers- they’re getting married?! Wait- oh fuck-”

“Shut up, Ryuji! You’re ruining the material- and this is the first time in a long time we’ve seen them act goofy again! Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to properly talk to them once they’re done wrestling each other…” Ann was swooning, having difficulties to keep the camera straight.

A certain blue haired man picked up the gloves in the sand, making sure the couple would receive them back as soon as they were done…with whatever they were doing.

“This is excellent material,” Yusuke sighed, “I can see it very clearly now- love and hate. Yearning and losing- sadness and happiness. Selfishness and self-sacrifice…they’re all part of the same coin, divided by a thin line. The question is finding the balance. And if that is found, a tale will be unlocked of a never-ending bond.”

“Uh, yeah, sure, Yusuke. I hope brother brought me some nice anime merch, though- he owes me for all the chocolate I gave him back then! Wait- this means Sojiro is going to become a father-in-law! And this is all thanks to my brilliant lie that Ren was going to take off for Africa! I’m the best matchmaker on earth!” Futaba gasped loudly, before she let out another hollering yell, fighting against the tears shimmering in her eyes.

“That’s wonderful, isn’t it? I mean, not that you lied- wait, when did that happen, Futaba? Oh no, don’t start crying! You’ll be a sister-in-law, after all, and that’s something to be happy about!” Sumire had difficulties suppressing the tears herself, however.

“This looks like we’re going to be hearing a very long story,” Makoto mused.

“A happy one,” Haru added fondly, taking a few pictures of the scene herself.

“And one of a never ending tale,” Akira finished, chuckling at the sight of the two boys tumbling around in the sand like little children.

His heart still ached whenever he thought of Goro- he couldn’t ever quite forget his first love- but his heart sung in joy at the happiness exuding from the couple, and he wished them nothing but the best.

“Ha, I’m gonna be the worst, most insufferable brother-in-law ever…Though does it count, if the one I’m teasing will be my own brother, and the pampering and protecting will be on his fiancé’s side?”

“Wait, guys- this is the perfect opportunity to pounce on them. This definitely calls for group hug time- a reunion after a year, _and_ a proposal?! Fuck, what are we standing around here for!? Everyone- charge! Or else I’ll start cru-cry-cryyyyiiiihiiinnnnng-”

At Morgana’s behest, eight young people screamed and threw themselves at the couple on the ground- who were nearly choked by the combined power.

“Welcome back,” they yelled unanimously, and Ren and Goro replied: “Sorry for being late!”

“We were busy dueling,” Ren winked, earning himself a laugh from Goro. “No,” the brunet replied, “we were busy proposing…”

Needless to say, the resounding yells and screams of excitement- with the couple joining in as well- resounded all the way to Leblanc, where Sojiro was still impatiently waiting and tapping his foot.

Despite having a freshly renovated home, this night only, ten people crammed themselves into the same old, freshly cleaned attic once again- exchanging tales of their lives and putting a grander puzzle together.

A happily ever after- Goro would have shaken his head years ago at the sentiment, claiming it to be a mere fantasy.

Now, he knew it wasn’t unattainable. He only regretted not knowing sooner, but he’d make up for it by bringing joy to his life tenfold of what he’d missed out on.

Because he deserved it- and now, there were other people willing to contribute to his happiness as well.

The onyx on his finger shone brightly under the soft caress of the moonlight, as if it silently agreed- and Goro fell asleep under the soft touch of his loved ones.

This was his story- a song of hatred and revenge, of destruction and catharsis; of love and forgiveness, of finding a family and a fond home, and most importantly: of finding himself.

And, he mused- as he entered an unfamiliar place, greeted with Sae’s shocked face and proudly declared: “Goro Amamiya, fresh new private detective and assigned to help with the newest abduction cases,” it wasn’t over yet.

He still had a system to reform, after all.

And while he knew who he was going to be from now on, finding himself was a quest he had yet to tackle anew- by accepting himself the way he was, and growing to truly love himself on his own.

Luckily, he had an eager barista to duel with for the rest of his life as well- which was probably the best thing of all.

_No more what if’s, Goro._

_Never again._

_The end! And yet, not really._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really think I would let this fic end without including Goro's glove throwing kink- or without a real damn, super-dramatic-over-the-top proposal conflict? DID YOU EXPECT THEM TO GROW FILTHY RICH???? Well I wanted all this stuff, so I made it happen. Logic be damned. I want a happy end- here it is. Phew.  
> AND I ALSO NEEDED GORO'S PERSONAL OST TO CONCLUDE THE END jhgdhsghgdsgsdj  
> If I may remind you: in a former chapter, Akira had said he was sworn to be Goro's knight; in the same instance, Ren rebutted by saying he was the king, then ;) So yeah, Goro is sort of the Queen, I guess, because he commands so many, and is also very strong!  
> ALSO THE CAGE AND BIRD METAPHOR APPEARS AGAIN KJDHKHFKJDSHFSDK  
> AND THE FUCKING HOUSE AND THE PLAYGROUND OH MY GOSH DON'T GET ME STARTED REN IS THE BIGGEST SAP ON EARTH SDKFHDKJFHKSDJ BUT SO IS GORO!!!!! SO IS GORO. He's despairing how to ever win the duel of "Most emotional present ever"  
> The ending is supposed to end on a positive note- because Goro's story in itself is far from over, even if the fic is (for now lol you all know me and my uncontrollable hand slippings....)  
> Oh gosh. It still doesn't feel real, that this is the end. First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who supported me, who liked this fic or left me kudos or a comment. Believe me when I say I knew each name that reappeared in the comment section, and that my heart soared with your kind words. And you, the hidden guest user- I see you, I know you, too, and I thank you as well! ;)  
> SERIOUSLY THOUGH, EACH AND EVERY COMMENT MADE ME ERUPT INTO NEAR TEARS AND I know I have been saying this since the last...60 chapters, but if you tell me your thoughts, your last questions and THE LAST THINGS BURNING IN YOUR SOUL PLEASE!!! PLEASE DO SO!!!! No matter when you'll read this chapter....  
> About that. Part of the reason I published this fic like a madman (after writing it like a madman, lol) was because I myself was always scared of starting ongoing fics; I always fear the way they tear me apart with tension (AND YET I STILL READ THEM AHAHAHAH) so the you that picked this fic up in the future, or whenever- that only started because the chapter count was full- I'D FEEL SO HONORED IF YOU LEFT ME A COMMENT OR A KUDO. Seriously. This fic is my lovechild, and I poured so much of my soul into it (or sacrificed my sanity instead lmao) so hearing anything about it- no matter when you may read this- WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME ERUPT AKJHFKSJHDFKJFH and I'll do my best to answer. Seriously, I had no idea what kind of joy it can be to wake up to lovely comments (OR EVEN MERE KEYBOARD SMASHING) AND THEY MADE MY ENTIRE DAMN DAY NO MATTER WHAT. I always kept on grinning throughout the whole day, and I still re-read all the comments from time to time- THAT'S JUST HOW MUCH YOUR WORDS TOUCH ME khdfjkhhdskjdd AND YOUR KUDOS AS WELL!!!!  
> That said, I somehow doubt I can let go of this AU completely? Though I guess after all the fucking angst and turns and twists and breakdowns and whatnot...I guess if I do end up writing again for this AU, it might be mindless fluff LOL. And I definitely need to step back for a bit to gather more ideas (or maybe the ideas hit me in the middle of the night again and my fingers will itch to write them lol. Who knows).  
> You all know (if you fought your way through the notes) HOW MUCH I STILL CRAVE THE IWAI-GORO BONDING HAPPENING, and there are a lot of scenes I didn't add or include that I can still see myself picking up and exploring in the future. For now, though? It really is the end, as much as it saddens me to say it (and oh my gosh if I keep going it's gonna be 4am oh shit).  
> Thank you for joining this ride with me! I hope you liked it, and like I said- do tell me all your thoughts about it ;) PLEASE! I'M SO SAD ABOUT LETTING IT END BUT ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END AHHAAHAHAH and the roughly...what, not even two weeks with all of you really made me explode with happiness. Some of you inspired me to find the missing scenes I desperately wanted to write and yet had trouble to think up; but you all helped me to stay motivated and have you at the edge of your seats xD YOU HELPED ME SHAPE THIS FIC FURTHER, ALL OF YOU, SO I THANK YOU ONCE MORE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART QwQ  
> This fic might still reappear from time to time because I still think there are minor errors around- and I'll get to edit and PURGE THEM COMPLETELY. I do have to remark, tho: editing during nighttime worked BETTER HAHA BUT NOT FOR MY SANITY.  
> So yes. I hope this fic managed to keep you entertained, or helped you through the tough times the world's facing by making you smile- and if it did, please tell me!  
> THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN AND I BET I'M GONNA RE-EDIT THIS WHOLE ASS LONG END NOTE THE ENTIRE DAMN TIME BUT URGH. I'M SO EMOTIONAL, IT'S 4AM AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO GOODBYE FOR NOW! Hope to see you next time once more!


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